


Pressed Against The Glass

by GleefulPoppet



Series: Pressed Against the Glass [1]
Category: Glee
Genre: AU, Barebacking, Blow Jobs, Bottom Blaine, Bottom Kurt, College!Kurt, Communication, Deep Conversations, Fashion Designer Kurt, Fluff, Happily Ever After, Happy, Happy Ending, Healthy Communication, Hickeys, I can't tag blaine without spoilers, Klaine, Klainebow, M/M, Marking, Masturbation, Men Crying, Mr. Anderson - Freeform, Mr. Hummel, NYADA, Neck Kissing, New York, Old Soul, Parsons New York, Phoenixes, Safewords, Sexy Times, Singing, Soul mate, Soulmates, Sunshine - Freeform, Top Blaine, Topping from the Bottom, True Love, Vogue!Kurt, Vulnerability, alternative universe, blaine blaine, breaking the horrific stereotype that men can’t cry and express their emotions, character driven age gap, communication is a major character in this story, embellished canon events including abuse and assault, fastest slow burn ever, heart tether, honey bee, intern!Kurt, italicized oh, love language acts of service, love language touch, men who communicate, mentions of Finn, mentions of Kurt’s mother, mentions of cannon deaths, mentions of past o/c relationships, mentions of previous abuse, neck kisses, older!blaine, piano!kurt, size!kink, slowest fast burn ever, soulbond, soulmate, top Kurt, touch starvation, touch starved, younger!kurt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-08
Updated: 2020-11-04
Packaged: 2021-03-07 18:41:24
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 31
Words: 250,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26872336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GleefulPoppet/pseuds/GleefulPoppet
Summary: [This AU story is complete]. Is it possible that the most extraordinary love story ever told starts on a chilly October morning in New York with an impromptu twirl and an elbow to a stranger’s face? Kurt wouldn’t have thought so, but when it happens, his heart stops. It’s just one touch, but is that all it takes to believe? Should he take a chance and never look back? But what happens when the stranger runs away, even though he finally feels complete and brought to life? Is it just a dream—or will he let his walls come down? Will they live with regrets or find the love that will make them feel young forever?AKA: The one about soulmates (by choice) and the italicizedOh.------
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel
Series: Pressed Against the Glass [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1992307
Comments: 506
Kudos: 128
Collections: Glee





	1. Thursday: My Heart Stops When You Look at Me

**Author's Note:**

> This story takes place in an alternative universe where Blaine is ten years older, and they never meet at Dalton. Please note that there is a character-driven age gap—there is a reason for it. Actual events inspire this story's age gap **and timeline** ; they say write what you know.
> 
> I don't want to give too much of the plot away, but Kurt never became bitter because there was no breakup, and learned how to handle his bullying/trauma. On the other hand, Blaine experienced heartache with an OC, which will be mentioned. 
> 
> Also, this story is mainly about communication; conversation is the third main character. Have you've always wanted to see/read/hear Kurt and Blaine talk about everything? Well, welcome to my crazy little world where they have conversations that last for hours, and I type every word of it out.
> 
> I should also tell you that this story focuses mainly on Klaine, and while there are other characters, they have a minor role to play. 
> 
> I'll try to warn about everything in the notes at the end of each chapter, so if you have something that triggers you, please check the notes section first (I put them at the end so as not to spoil what is going to happen for those who want to read spoiler-free). There is no graphic violence or abuse described, but past verbal, emotional, and sexual abuse are mentioned; most are canon-based events but may be embellished (including an instance of physical assault). There is a conversation and a minor non-sexual plot point about what I believe is canon compliant dominance in Kurt's personality.
> 
> It is rated Mature for later chapters, containing loving, consensual, sexual content between two adults (detailed, sweet and hot, but not over the top). You can always send me a message if you are concerned about anything that may come up; I will be happy to share so that you feel safe reading. 
> 
> One last thing, this is my first multi-chapter fic, so just know that if you feel so inclined to leave a comment, I will appreciate it more than you can imagine. I'm a bit nervous about letting "my baby" depart the safety of my heart (and computer) and adventure out into the great wide world. xoxo
> 
> PS! I'll be posting some artwork and such over on my Tumblr—Gleefulpoppet.  
> PPS! A HUGE THANK YOU to Jayhawk-Writes for jumping in and being a beta for this story at the last minute! She's amazing. But of course, all mistakes are one hundred percent mine.

It was a misty Thursday morning in the enchanting city of New York. To most, it probably seemed like another ordinary day, but to Kurt, every day he walked down these streets was extraordinary. He never took it for granted that he ended up exactly where he wanted to be; though he fought through a living hell to be here, he was now in his brand of heaven. Were things perfect? Not by a long shot. He worked long hours at his Vogue internship, and while he knew Isabelle appreciated him, he didn’t always feel it on a daily basis when he was working extra long hours on deadlines for things other people should have gotten done on time. But still, it’s Vogue; he’s not going to complain. 

This morning his standard coffee order took less than half the time to order and receive, so he had a few minutes all to himself to look into the windows as he walked down 5th Avenue. He was meeting Isabelle at one of the newest stores to open; they were doing a walkthrough and an interview with their head designer and their VP of sales. These types of adventures were his favorite. Who wants to be cooped up in an office all day next to a buzzing copy machine listening to the dull hum of the central air? 

As he walked by the window of Dolce and Gabbana, he couldn’t help but notice a gorgeous scarf. He finished his coffee, smiled widely, then stepped inside the shop as if he belonged there. Kurt has learned that he should be careful about the words he uses and the way he carries himself over the last few years. At one point in his life, he may have said, “I can never afford that,” and slumped in on himself. But now he says things like, “Someday this will look amazing around my neck,” or “When the time is right, I will own something equally as beautiful.”

He window-shopped everywhere he pleased, happy as a clam because he knew that he was willing to work hard or wait for what he wanted and that he was worthy of his dreams. Also, knowing better than anyone that **_things_** don’t bring you happiness. His thoughts drifted for a moment to the most recent conversation he had with his dad on Monday like he does every Monday night, just like clockwork. He thought briefly of the fleeting memory of his mother’s smile, and then to the feeling he had when he stepped off that plane in New York and finally felt at peace with himself and who he was for the first time in maybe his whole life. No, money and things, even the nicest things, can’t replace what is truly important. _But_ , he smirked at the thought, _money can buy the best designer wear, and dang would I look good in that scarf_. 

He gently pulled the scarf from the table and allowed himself to savor the feeling of the fabric. He closed his eyes and let his fingers run over it, enjoying the feel of the textures. He even brought the scarf up to his nose and inhaled deeply, enjoying the aroma of silk and the fragrance of something new. Then he pulled the scarf taut between his hands and threw it around his neck with the biggest smile on his face, doing a sort of impromptu-unplanned-little-half-twirl lost in the joy of the moment.

Except, with his eyes closed, so very lost in his bliss, he didn’t realize that there was someone right behind him, like right behind him. Not only did he get the guy right in the face with his elbow, when he did his little (now horrifyingly embarrassing) half-twirl, he ran straight into the guy’s chest. Without meaning to his hands grabbed the guy’s waist, each hand landing right above his hips as he tried to steady them both. Then his eyes popped open. If everything hadn’t been embarrassing enough, he gasped—genuinely gasped out loud. The man’s eyes were absolutely stunning, deep honey color with gold and emerald specs in them, the depth of which seemed to have no end. But as his brain began to catch up with him, he was pretty sure that he heard a gasp from the stranger too. 

There they were tangled up together in the most awkward of situations. Yet it seemed like they were suspended in time in each other’s arms. Kurt never wanted to let go. He didn’t mean to, but he gripped a little tighter on the man’s hips and then moved his right pointer finger just a few times, rubbing the man’s waist. In that instant, he felt his whole body light on fire. He heard a whimper and a moan, and he _knew_ only one of those sounds came out of his mouth; he wasn’t quite sure which one.

But as life does, reality came crashing back down on the both of them, what seemed like an eternity, a whole life lived, had only been a few seconds here on earth. 

The man pulled away, clearing his throat as did Kurt, except instead of clearing his throat, he’s pretty sure he let out a breathy high-pitched giggle.

“Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry!” Kurt finally got to come out of his mouth. 

“I’m not,” the other gentleman says breathlessly, looking deep into Kurt’s eyes. “I mean, yes, so sorry, yes, umm, I guess I wasn’t paying enough attention.” 

“Oh, no! It’s my fault; I was lost in some sort of designer scarf high!” Kurt internally groans at that, _Really, Kurt? Designer scarf high? Really?_

The man smirked and took one more step away, clearly as affected as Kurt was, you could tell he was trying to put himself back together. Now that Kurt could see him better, he realized that the gentleman was a _man_ , maybe eight years older than him. He was truly gorgeous, literally breathtaking with that soft curly black hair, that warm-toned skin, but he had the weight of the world in the small creases by his eyes. Kurt recognized that weight held in the corner of one’s eyes. He felt it all through high school, he might be young, but he knew what that felt like.

“Oh, do tell? A designer scarf high, you say? And how does one become high on a scarf?”

Kurt laughs once deep from the bottom of his belly, unconsciously, he leans in closer to the man again and whispers, “Would you really like to know?”

The man chuckles at Kurt and says, “Oh, I really would,” and without thinking, he reaches up and brushes Kurt’s elbow with his fingertips before quickly bringing his hand down again.

Kurt pulls back and smiles big; his entire body thrumming with the electricity he feels between the two of them. It’s new and alive and feels like something all on its own. 

“Well, my good sir, when one is but a mere intern at Vogue (even if he answers directly to one Isabelle Wright),” he stage whispers to the man like he’s telling him a secret inside of a secret. “One must confidently walk into their favorite shop on 5th Avenue and try on a scarf as if they could actually afford it. You have to take it in, enjoy it, smell it, touch it, think about the fabric and the textures, know you are worthy of it, love it, but not need it to make you happy.” He takes a deep breath realizing maybe he said too much, had gotten a little too deep. So then he adds with a small chuckle, “And it’s the best kind of high because as you leave the store, there is absolutely no hangover or compound interest to worry about later.” 

The other man lets out a small but genuine laugh, he’s looking at Kurt with an expression Kurt can’t quite make out. It’s a huge smile, but his eyes are expressing something else? Bewilderment? Awe? Kurt’s heart skips a beat when the words “with adoration” come to him. That can’t be right; he’s a twenty-four-year-old kid who just about took this man out with his elbow. 

“You must think I’m crazy!” Kurt finally blurts out with a laugh after the man just keeps staring at him. “First, I almost took you out with my elbow, and now I’m spouting things about designer scarves and smelling them!” He takes a step back all of a sudden, feeling so very young and so very scared that he’s making up the intense feelings he’s having.

“No!” The man shouts, maybe just a little too loudly for the moment they are having. Only the two of them exist right now; the outside world has no meaning or context whatsoever. 

“No, no, of course not, actually I’m entr...” and he stops talking as if he’s about to say something he realizes he shouldn’t. He shakes his head back and forth like he’s trying to clear it and tries again. Taking a deep breath, he holds out his hand, “I’m Blaine An...” he stutters _again_ —realizing he doesn’t want to give his last name. “Blaine,” he says with a smile. 

Kurt smirks and reaches out to him to shake his hand. “Well, Blaine Blaine, it’s nice to meet you. I’m Kurt Hummel.” 

Blaine extends his other hand and clasps it on top of their handshake. Kurt looks deep into his eyes, and somehow their heads tilt towards each other until they touch foreheads. He has never, ever felt like this, or even come close to it with anyone else. It’s like there is an invisible tether that wants to bind them together.

“This scarf looks gorgeous on you, by the way, Kurt,” Blaine whispers between them. Kurt’s knees slightly buckle at the way Blaine says his name.

It’s at that moment they both realize what they are doing and pull away from each other as if burned by fire, letting their hands unclasp at the same time. Blaine looks around the store like suddenly he remembers where he’s at, his face pales.

“It’s been my pleasure Kurt, but I really must be going,” he says in a sort of winded voice and what appears to be a forced smile like he didn’t want those words to come out of his mouth and he turns on his heel to walk away.

“I’m sorry again,” Kurt calls out after him. Blaine turns around briefly, giving him the biggest smile (so radiant this time) and nods as he walks right out the door. 

_What the hell just happened?_ Kurt thinks to himself; he can barely catch his breath. He leans one hand on the display table next to him and tries to pull himself together. _Geez, Kurt, he was a man, like an older man and you are just a kid, pull yourself together or you are going to be late for work,_ he berates himself. 

He looks at his phone, and his jaw drops like a codfish. How in the world did all of that happen in less than the eight minutes ago he walked into this store? If you had asked him before he looked at his phone, he would have told you he was lost in that stranger’s arms and eyes for at least half the day.

He pulls the scarf from around his neck and places it neatly back on the display; he laughs out loud as he looks at it and says under his breath, “You are the only witness to what just happened, you know,” he sighs, “And now I’m talking to inanimate objects I’ve officially lost my mind.”

He turns and walks out the same door as Blaine did and wonders if they will ever walk through the same space again. His heart flutters up his throat and whispers, “You will,” oh how he wants to believe it’s true. He swears he can still feel the weight of Blaine’s forehead against his own and the phantom brush of Blaine’s fingertips on his elbow even through all the layers.

\-------------------

Kurt goes about the rest of his day in sort of a daze; who wouldn’t? He can’t blame himself. He knows he should have paid better attention at their meeting that morning on 5th, but luckily he’s an ace at tech and voice recorded the session on his phone so he can transcribe notes for the team before he leaves for work tonight. He adds it to his growing list of things to do. 

In the corner of the office, he can hear giggling and somewhere else, a heated argument. Over to the left, it’s the same old familiar buzzing back and forth of the copy machine, the smell of the warm paper as it slides out the side and drops endless copies of who knows what. It’s all so normal, so “every day,” he can barely stand it. He takes a deep breath and wonders why he feels so different?

Then suddenly, in a moment of weakness, he wonders if he’s living his life like that copy machine works? His life as paper pressed against the glass, sheltered by something heavy over him, the light shines on him, but each day turns out much like the one before it an endless repetitive copy of the day before—he shudders to think about it too long. He’s Kurt Hummel, of course, that’s not true. Sure he likes his routine (okay, so he really, really likes his routine), sure he may have had to grow up too fast, but he is still him. He wakes up each day with the memory of his mother and his brother in his heart and knows that this day means something; he earnestly tries to make them each count. 

His thoughts drift back to Blaine. He’s pretty sure if he had a picture of himself at that moment, he’d have a huge stupid grin on his face and look spaced out, which must be more than true because, through the delightful memory, he hears his name being shouted.

“Kurt… Kurt—KURT! Are you listening to me?”

“What?” he comes back to the present to see Isabelle standing there with her eyebrow raised and a look like she wants to know what has gotten into him.

“Okay, that’s it.” She grabs a nearby chair and wedges herself next to Kurt in his tiny cubicle. “Spill it!”

He has the nerve to try and look at her dumbfounded like he has no idea what she’s talking about and says, “Spill what?”

“You’ve had this starstruck, goofy, mile-wide smile on your face all day, Mr. Hummel. And I just told you you could go through the sample box in my office before you leave work today; you didn’t even have the decency to give me a glimpse at the ‘Kurt Hummel Flail’ I adore so much. So what is it? Or should I say who is it?”

Kurt groans and rolls his eyes playfully. “It’s nothing and no one, I promise! I just bumped into a handsome stranger this morning and had one of those strange moments where you wonder if you believe in soulmates and past lives. You get all dramatic, and for a brief moment, you hear a soundtrack playing in the background of your own life and then find yourself daydreaming at your desk. It's just a fleeting memory now.”

“Uh-huh,” she says, looking at Kurt a little surprised with a sweet smile on her face. “Are you sure about that? You seem to be quite flustered? Was he tall, dark, and handsome? It sounds like he swept you off your feet.” 

“Well he was dark and handsome, but definitely not tall,” he chuckles. “Nobody is perfect, you know. And to answer your question, I just about took him out with my elbow, and then he rode off into the sunset sans one Kurt Hummel.”

Kurt sighs wistfully and then looks up at Isabelle, “He was older than me, a lot older...do you think, oh nevermind, it’s stupid.” 

“Do I think what?”

“That age matters?” he says shyly. “I mean not that I’ll ever see this man again probably. But I’ve just always felt so much older than I am. You’ve called me an old soul more times than I can count, and you know all about my dating life here in New York. All the guys my age or even five years older are just still too immature for me and I feel like I need something more.” 

He sighs again and says, “If that _boy,”_ he says with air quotations to enhance his point _, “_ in the advertising department asks me out again, I might scream Isabelle. He took me to get nachos and a beer when he asked me out last month. NACHOS, I tell you!”

He takes a deep breath and starts again. “When I literally bumped into Mr. Dreamy this morning, my first thought was ‘finally,’ and I don’t know if it was because it was him or because maybe I realized that someone older might not be such a strange idea. Age is just a number, right? Am I crazy? Where are these thoughts coming from?” He takes another deep breath and realizes he has a tear running down his cheek. What in the world is happening to him? This guy has turned his whole life upside down in the maybe five minutes he had with him this morning. 

Isabelle looks at him lovingly in a bit of shock; she rarely sees Kurt not keep himself one-hundred-percent composed at all times. “Oh honey, this guy shook your world, didn’t he? And darling, age is just a number, but knowing that and being able to live it are two different things.”

“What do you mean?” he asks.

“Well, if you are even thinking about dating someone older, can you picture yourself arm and arm with them out in public? Can you imagine them longer-term aging before you? How much older are we talking about here, Kurt? Like someone might ask you if that’s your dad at some point older? None of those things may matter to you, or they all may matter to you, Kurt, but only you can know that for yourself. You know how to follow your heart better than anyone I know."

“And if this is all hypothetical,” she continues, “then you have some time to think about it. Maybe you can pick a number and start there. Is thirty too old for you? Maybe use some of those visualizing rituals you do to find yourself a date with a thirty-year-old hottie, Kurt,” she winks at him.

Kurt laughs, but he knows she’s right; he needs to follow his heart. Up until now, his heart has not liked college boys that think nachos in a loud bar qualify as a date, or one night stands, or guys who think they can grind up against you in bars, their eyes filled with want but with none of the commitment to more than the next fifteen minutes. That just never has been or ever will be Kurt’s world; maybe he knows why for the first time. He is an old soul, but alive with all the passion of someone young. He wants something real and permanent and mature even at his young age and wonders if those two worlds can collide. 

After this morning, he’s pretty sure the answer is yes because he felt both deep in his bones. 

After a minute, Isabelle clears her throat and says, “I can see you are lost in your thoughts, so I’ll leave you to them, darling. Just try to get your work done so you can go through the sample box and get home at a decent time for once. We work you too hard. Maybe you’ll even find the perfect thing for your next date with Mr. Tall Dark and Older Handsome, or should I say Mr. Short Dark and Older Handsome if you ever see him again.” She pats him on the knee and disappears back into her office with the magnificent view of Manhattan. 

\-------------------

Later that night, as he’s lying in his bed in his tiny studio apartment, he can’t help but replay the scene over and over again in his head. Since he’s not at work, he finally allows himself to replay the physical sensations too. The brush of Blaine’s fingertips on his elbow even through his layers, the way he held his hand, the moan or the whimper? Kurt still isn’t sure which one he was responsible for. And then it hits him, both. Because either way, this man was most definitely attracted to him too. 

That thought has Kurt aroused so fast he hardly realizes what he’s doing with his hand before a breathy, “Blaine, Blaine, Blaine,” leaves his lips. When it’s over, he gasps, shocked at what he just did. Grabbing some tissues to clean himself up and then tossing them in the trash, _Oh damn, what is happening to me? Thinking about someone like that I just met? I never do that!_

But feeling satiated and sleepy after how amazing it was; he drifts off blissfully to sweet dreams of Blaine. 

\------~----~------

Meanwhile, across town, a curly-haired man sits alone in the corner of his loft. Tears are spilling down his cheeks as he thinks about a gorgeous boy who lit a spark inside of him. Everything seems less dull somehow, with a twirl and an elbow to the face, he brought him to life. Despite the tears, he chuckles at the memory. It was actually the few moments after the twirl which fanned that tiny flame inside him. He could feel so much passion in those few minutes.

But, he feels so old and shattered and wonders what a sweet boy like Kurt could ever see in him. So he lets the tears fall, forehead pressed against the glass, watching people live their lives in the park and wondering why he stopped living his.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter: Masturbation
> 
> You can find artwork and related posts to this chapter on my Tumblr page GleefulPoppet, I'll be adding things over the next month.
> 
> [Click Here to See Larger on Tumblr](https://gleefulpoppet.tumblr.com/post/631454696924659713/patg-aesthetic-chapter-1)


	2. Friday [Part 1]: You Move Me

Kurt awakes after the best night’s sleep he thinks he’s ever had. He bounces around all morning happy and excited to go to work, to meet the day, to get coffee, to say hello to New York City. The best feeling taking up space in his heart and soul, he feels changed somehow. In only a few minutes, a stranger changed his life and gave him a renewed energy to live it, so he’s going to run with it and stop questioning his every thought about it. 

As he rolls into the office with extra bagels for everyone, earning their love and devotion, he gets right to work. Happy to be there, singing under his breath, he hasn’t been snarky to a single soul, and he likes it. _Maybe this is what it feels like to live life with eight hours of sleep, or,_ his brain adds, _perhaps this is what it feels like when you meet the man of your dreams. Stop being obtuse._ He laughs at himself. 

The morning passes without incident. That is until approximately 11:03 AM when a courier is buzzed up from downstairs with a package for Kurt Hummel that has to be signed directly by him. It’s not that unusual; Kurt has to order samples and request products for review and send documents all the time. But he has no idea what this is for as he wasn’t expecting anything. The courier leaves the black box on Kurt’s desk after signing for it with a flourish and a smile. He looks down at it; a strange sensation takes hold in his belly. Like a million butterflies were released all at once and went flying in every different direction.

He slowly unties the black ribbon and slides the top of the box off, squealing out loud. So loud that several people turn to see what he’s going on about. He might have jumped up and down a few times too, but that would be undignified in the Vogue offices, wouldn’t it? So he hopes no one calls him out on it. 

There in the box lies the scarf, the scarf he tried on just yesterday. There is a hand-written note lying on top of it that takes his breath away. 

You are worthy of it.  
I’m glad you already knew that.  
You move me, Kurt.  
  
~Blaine  
555.524.6311

His hand flies up to his mouth, covering the gasp he knows is about to exit from deep inside. He slowly lowers himself into his chair, staring at the note for a long time. “You move me, Kurt.” From outside of himself somewhere, he can feel it, the tether that is pulling him closer to Blaine. He wants to reach out and grab it and never let go. He doesn’t believe in God; he knows that you have to make your own fate, get up every day, and make choices about who you are going to be. But, this feels very much like his choice. He wants to willingly bind that chord to his heart and never let go again.

In what feels like slow motion, he picks up the box and walks straight into Isabelle’s office, setting it down on her desk. She looks up at him in confusion until she reads the note. She _doesn’t_ cover her mouth in time before the gasp escapes. “Kurt!” She seems to compose herself a modicum, with a sly smile, she says, “Oh my darling, this is going to be one crazy adventure. I hope you’re ready.” 

He’s still in shock, but picks up the note, “It has his number, Isabelle! What should I do?” And then panic, perhaps appropriate for his age, kicks in. He starts saying over and over again, “Oh my gosh, what am I supposed to do?”

She chuckles and comes around her desk to give him a big hug. “You call him, then you live one day at a time, living your best life like you always have and see where it takes you.” She looks into his eyes, “You are worthy of the big wonderful life you’ve always planned for yourself. I know you know that. Now go out there and get it.”

He starts laughing and hugs her back tightly. After letting go, he grabs the scarf and wraps it proudly around his neck, “It does look spectacular, doesn’t it?” He quickly snatches the box and slips out of her office much calmer than he was before; he just needed a friend to share this “pinch me” moment with. Now he’s determined to make the next choice count, the next step towards Blaine, so he pulls out his phone.

Maybe it’s tacky, but it seems like the right thing to do, he sends off a text.

_**Dearest Blaine, thank you for the gift and your note; it took my breath away. ~Kurt** _

He wonders where Blaine is and how long it will be before he replies. Are they going to play all those asinine games where you have to space out texts and pretend you are busy when truthfully, you have your hand on your phone at all times, just willing it to buzz? He jumps about a foot in the air when his phone does vibrate right away.

**_I’m glad you like it. It really was gorgeous on you. ~B_ **

And then the phone rings, right in his hand. It’s Blaine. 

“Hello, Blaine?” 

“Hi, Kurt! It’s wonderful to talk to you again.”

“Oh, um, thank you. You too,” he says, suddenly feeling very shy.

“Listen, I wanted to call you because, umm, I’d like to see if you are available for dinner this evening around eight? It’s okay if you can’t or-or if that would cause problems for you and your significant other. I wanted to talk to you more, maybe just as fr-fr-iends, or of course, we could umm, and oh my gosh, I’m rambling—I’m so sorry.”

“You’re kind of cute when you’re nervous,” Kurt says without thinking (he’s internally groaning, O _h my gosh, Kurt_ ). “And thank you, Blaine, I would love to have dinner with you tonight at eight. I’d be honored.” 

“Really?” Blaine sounds genuinely shocked at Kurt’s answer.

“Really, really,” Kurt responds. “Did you have somewhere in mind? Should I meet you somewhere?”

“I know this may sound strange, but I want to make sure that you’re comfortable so that I can be comfortable. Do you have somewhere you enjoy? We can meet there until you know me a little better, and then next time, I’ll pick the place?”

“Next time?” Kurt blurts out. His heart is already beating so fast he’s not sure how much more he can handle.

“Oh umm, well, uh, if there is a next time. Oh my gosh, Kurt, I just meant …” Blaine stammers.

Kurt giggles and reassures Blaine, “Okay, next time you get to pick. Tonight, how about we meet at Tangerine Terrace? Do you know it?”

“Oh, I love that place. I haven’t been there in ages—that sounds lovely. I’ll see you at 8:00 then. I’m so sorry, but I have a meeting, and I need to go. Bye for now, Kurt.”

“Bye, Blaine. See you tonight, and thank you again.”

“You’re very welcome.” Blaine hangs up. 

With one phone call, Kurt Hummel is pretty sure his life will never be the same again.

He gets back to work as quickly as he can. Maybe he can get everything done early and get home in time for an in-depth moisturizing routine, and _Oh no, actually find something to wear_. 

\------------------------------

Kurt looks at himself in the mirror, really looks, as he’s doing an extra layer of his moisturizing routine (he did get home in plenty of time). _What do you want more than anything in this life, Kurt?_ He asks himself silently. The answer seems layered, as his thoughts swirl. _To feel safe. To feel wanted. To feel loved. To love someone capable of accepting all of me. I don’t want to make myself smaller to fit into someone’s life. I want to be adored and held tightly but be free. Mostly I don’t want to play games. I want an easy kind of love that faces life with ferocity. Is that even possible? What is an easy kind of love?_ He wonders.

Lost in his thoughts for a long while, he finally comes back to the present and closes his eyes, taking a deep cleansing breath. “I am worthy of the life I want to live,” he repeats several times. This ritual has grounded him since high school and gotten him where he is today. He's sure it can help him get through a date with Blaine. “I love life. I’m honest about who I am. I will go into this date with an open mind and heart, come what may.” 

He then dresses slowly, in the outfit he finally picked out, trying to keep himself calm. First, the crisp white designer shirt with sleeves rolled up. Next, a black suit vest with gray pinstripes and then his favorite licorice black tailored slacks fitting perfectly in all the right places. As he wraps his new scarf around his neck, he allows himself to let the memories of yesterday morning overcome him. _Was that just yesterday? I already feel so different than I did then._ And then he clears his throat and thinks, _Maybe I shouldn’t let ALL those feelings wash over me._ Making it worse, the thoughts of what he did last night in the privacy of his apartment come flooding back. _Oh my gosh, Kurt! You are not some horny sixteen-year-old. Man-up and pull yourself together!_

He glances at the clock and realizes he better get going because there is no way he wants to be late to meet Blaine. He shimmies his wallet into his pants pocket and grabs his phone. The moment has come, he can’t help but smile as he exits his building and hails a cab. 

“Come what may,” he says to the New York City night, “I’m ready,” and he slides into the back seat of the cab. “Tangerine Terrace, please.” As the taxi takes off, he swears he can hear a whisper from somewhere out there in the universe say, _Finally,_ his heart skips a beat. 

\----~---------------------~---

Not too many miles away in a restaurant he used to love, but hasn’t visited in way too long, awaits a curly-haired man who can’t keep still. He's fidgeting with his phone, bouncing his leg, and trying to go unnoticed all at the same time. Wondering silently, _What have I done? Oh my gosh, what have I done?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for the chapter: None
> 
> Friday is in 3 parts, all of which will be posted today! Stay tuned. A HUGE THANK YOU to Jayhawk-Writes for jumping in and being a beta for this story! She's amazing. But of course, all mistakes are one hundred percent mine. 
> 
> You can find artwork and related posts to this chapter on my Tumblr page GleefulPoppet, I'll be adding things over the next month.


	3. Friday [Part 2]: Oh, There You Are

Blaine looks up just in time to see Kurt walk through the doors of the restaurant; he takes his breath away. This boy is ethereal, beyond gorgeous, so confident and yet obviously a little nervous at the same time. Blaine thinks he’s even more beautiful than he remembered from their encounter yesterday, which is saying something.

He stands and walks over to Kurt extending his hand, “It's nice to see you again, Kurt,” he says with a wide smile. There is no denying it now; they can feel that intense electricity from yesterday as their hands touch. The revelation of it shows on their faces as they look at each other.

“I was able to get us a booth. They are ready for us if you are?” Blaine says as he lets go.

“It’s wonderful to see you too, Blaine. You look phenomenal tonight.” Okay, so that last part slipped out of his mouth before he could think twice. He quickly adds, “Please lead the way!” His heart is already racing. How is he going to make it through an entire dinner with this man?

Sitting down at their table, they proceed with the niceties of talking to their waiter about specials and his recommendations. Perusing the menu for a bit, discussing things that look good, ordering beverages and an appetizer for good measure.

But eventually, and all too soon, they are left alone. A question hanging thick in the air between them, from the smirks they are giving each other, they _both_ know it. 

Finally, Blaine says, “Shall we, on the count of three, then?”

Kurt laughs out loud and nods. So Blaine counts.

“One, two, three!”

“I’m thirty-four,” Blaine says at the same time as Kurt says, “I’m twenty-four.”

They raise an eyebrow at each other and stare, studying each other’s facial expressions, wondering if the other person’s face will reveal their thoughts somehow. 

“Does it matter to you?” Kurt is brave enough to ask.

“I don’t know, Kurt, it’s... I don’t know, is that okay?”

“Of course, it is.” 

“Does it matter to you?” Blaine asks back.

“I don’t think it does if I’m honest. Is that okay?”

Blaine blinks back his shock, but he nods yes and says, “Yes. Wow. I don’t know that I was expecting you to be okay with it, actually.”

Kurt shrugs lightly, “Life is full of unexpected twists and turns, little miracles everywhere. I like to keep an open mind.” Kurt pauses, “By the way, thank you again for the scarf. You have no idea how surprised I was. I may have done a little undignified shimmy in my cubicle this morning.”

Blaine laughs. “Well, I’m sorry I missed that, but you are very welcome. You didn’t have to wear it tonight but, you look stunning, Kurt, you really do.” 

“Why, thank you,” Kurt replies, his face going slightly pink.

They start enjoying the appetizer and drinks when they arrive, but Kurt can’t keep still anymore. He has to ask, “Okay, Blaine Blaine. Let’s get the story here. Why did you hesitate to give me your last name yesterday?”

“Oh geez, you caught that? I mean, of course, you did. I’m not so smooth, am I?” 

“Maybe not, my good sir but, I think you’re deflecting.”

“Look, Kurt, it’s just... I can’t... I’m not... I, I’m not sure how to explain it without sounding like a pompous ass? Just—I wanted to be me, you know?”

“Oh, I see! Just be you? How mysterious, Blaine. It was definitely on purpose then?” Kurt waggles his eyebrows, a silly smirk taking over his face.

“It was.” Blaine smiles conscientiously as he fidgets with his glass; he wonders how Kurt is taking this so well.

“Uh-huh. Then maybe I could help you out here?”

Blaine raises an eyebrow at that.

Kurt straightens up and puts on airs with a massive smile on his face. “But first, I shall need to stare deep into your eyes for a moment and perhaps give you a once over that will make you blush?” He says, mimicking an over-dignified voice.

“Umm, Kurt? What are you…”

“Shhhhh, I’m trying to help you out here; keep acting mysterious as I gaze at you for a moment.”

Blaine can’t help it. He laughs, joyously laughs hard for the first time in he doesn't know how long.

And Kurt wasn’t kidding. For reasons he doesn’t even understand, he finds the strength and audacity to _intensely_ stare at Blaine, looking deep into his eyes, willing them to give up his secrets. Blaine tries not to squirm under the scrutinizing gaze of one Mr. Kurt Hummel, but he’s not sure how well he’s doing; Kurt seems to be looking at his very soul, maybe he is.

“Oh, there you are,” Kurt whispers in wonderment after two minutes of this crazy, silent stare off going on between them. What he wanted to say was, _Oh, there you are, I’ve been looking for you forever_. The words are shocking even to himself. 

Blaine inhales, solemn thoughts racing through his mind, wondering what Kurt could possibly see.

“Someone hurt you so badly, didn’t they, Blaine?” Kurt sees a single tear slide down Blaine’s cheek. He doesn't even think Blaine knows it's there, but he feels compelled to continue despite it, the words coming from somewhere he has no idea.

“And you carry the weight of that around with you like maybe you aren’t worthy of being loved—like, like, I don’t know? Maybe what other people think about you is important for some reason? Maybe you're in politics, or you're a page six society column celebrity?” He winks at Blaine, trying to lighten the mood a little bit. “I mean, I’ve watched you since I walked in tonight, honey, your skittish, like someone might see us together?” Kurt frowns at the idea, sighs sadly to think about why that would be. He instinctively reaches his hand across the table as if to hold Blaine’s, to get reassurance, but changes his mind and starts to pull back. Blaine, however, sees his hesitation and grabs his hand and squeezes it tightly.

“And Blaine, you have so much passion inside of you. You have a soul that is on fire, and I can tell that you want to love life with all that you are, but something is holding you back. You feel broken, Blaine, but it’s not forever. You have more strength than you know.”

This time a tear slides down Kurt’s cheek; this man in front of him is beautiful from the inside out. Sure, he’s sexy as hell, but after just a few minutes of staring into his eyes, he knows, he knows for sure, that Blaine is one of the good ones. One of the ones that you shouldn’t let go of. Because when they love something or someone, they never let go in the best way possible. He’s not sure what broke this amazing man, but Kurt sure wants to be the one to witness him putting himself back together again. And, most of all, maybe have the privilege of loving him while he’s doing that, age difference be damned.

Blaine simply stares at Kurt. He’s not at all sure what to say; he’s stunned. He’s been open like a book, and Kurt just read the summary back to him. Finally, he manages to stutter out, “Kurt, I, I, I—how did you… ?” His look changes to a look of awe. 

Kurt blushes. For the first time in the last few minutes, he realizes how deep and intimate this conversation went. He becomes acutely aware of how personal all of the things he just said were. Realizing he could have been way off base on so many of them. He starts to panic, “Blaine, honey, I’m so sorry, I…”

“No, no, Kurt, don’t apologize. I’m just not sure what to say. You were right about many things, and I’m just, umm, I don’t know, maybe I—could I have a minute? I’m going to run to the gentlemen’s room, sorry just—please stay. Don’t leave. Give me a minute, please, Kurt?” He pleads as he lets go of Kurt's hand and excuses himself from the table.

Kurt watches him walk away, feeling a chill go up his arm—his hand feels so cold now that Blaine let go. He wonders how bad he’s screwed up. Did he say too much? Honestly, where did all of that come from? Sure he’s become good at reading people; it's become a survival instinct with all he’s been through. But he knows this is about so much more than instinct. This was so much deeper and personal; the thoughts were coming from somewhere else. He knows he was right about everything in regards to Blaine and hopes that somehow he can salvage this date.

\----~---------------------~---

Meanwhile, in the bathroom, a curly-haired man splashes water on his face and wonders how the hell a twenty-four-year-old kid knows more about him in the short time they’ve been together than most of his so-called friends? And how his heart can somehow feel like maybe it belongs to this boy _and always has?_ Like his heart feels at home, ** _Finally_**. The word ricochets in his chest at least a hundred times. Echoing the feeling of _finally, finally, finally_ everything he has been searching for, but had no way of articulating to anyone, especially himself, is sitting in the dining room right now. 

This boy, he has to stop calling him that, he’s a man for heaven’s sake—who, truthfully, seems much wiser than Blaine, is sitting out there wondering if he’s said too much. Blaine wants to comfort him, beg him never to stop talking; he wants to hear everything he has to say. The reality is that Kurt has seen right through him like he has his an x-ray of Blaine’s heart and soul, pressed up against the glass of a lightbox, and can see everything clearly. Blaine realizes he wants to give this man both willingly, come what may. 

But there are so many issues here and so many things to overcome. _Stop it, Blaine_ , he berates himself. He smiles when he looks in the mirror and thinks about Kurt calling him “honey” _twice,_ his heart melts. In the five years, he was with Connor, he never used a sweet name for Blaine. But this is no time for comparison or wasting time thinking about Connor. He needs to figure out how to go back out there, face the insurmountable odds he feels are stacked against them, and salvage this date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for the chapter: None
> 
> Friday is in 3 parts, all of which will be posted today! Stay tuned. A HUGE THANK YOU to Jayhawk-Writes for jumping in and being a beta for this story! She's amazing. But of course, all mistakes are one hundred percent mine. 
> 
> You can find artwork and related posts to this chapter on my Tumblr page GleefulPoppet, I'll be adding things over the next month.


	4. Friday [Part 3]: So I'll Let My Walls Come Down

Kurt looks up and sees Blaine heading back to the table with a huge smile on his face, so he relaxes some. Maybe this is going to turn out okay after all. Just as Blaine sits down, their food arrives, thankfully giving them a reprieve from the earlier serious conversation. They laugh as they talk. There is no shortage of flirty glances and compliments between them. They moan just a little at how delicious all the food is, take bites off each other’s forks, and make small talk that doesn’t seem like small talk. It’s so easy between them. Who knew talking about the weather and the crowds in Times Square and how hard it is to get tickets to the newest Broadway show could be so good? 

As the conversation slows about an hour later, Kurt let’s his “flail” show when they bring out the tangerine cheesecake, he realizes that Blaine has his chin in his hand, elbow on the table, staring at Kurt with a smile.

Teasingly he asks, “What? What are you smirking at, Blaine Blaine?” 

Blaine laughs, “Nothing, it’s nothing,” and puts his hands up as if he’s surrendering.

“Please, tell me?”

“It’s just I’ve never seen anyone enjoy cheesecake that much, Kurt, and I don’t mean that in a bad way. It’s just you are savoring every bite like it’s your first and your last and truly enjoying this moment, and it just … it’s mesmerizing to watch.”

“Well, it’s delicious, Blaine, and you’ll notice yours is already gone. Besides, each moment should be enjoyed, savored.”

“Exactly my point, Kurt. But knowing something and living it are two different things, and you seem to be living it, practicing it. You truly enjoy life, don’t you?”

“I do indeed, Blaine,” he says. He then takes another bite of his cheesecake, slowly pulling the fork out of his mouth and then licking it. Blaine wonders for a moment if he has any idea how sexy that is. The thought crosses his mind about how easily he could fall in love with Kurt and then realizes he’s staring again, so he clears his throat. 

He’s starting to panic at just how fast he’s let go of all of his defenses tonight. And as if summoned, his “issues” and all his fears rear their head. Add on top of that his confused emotions about their age difference, and it’s a recipe for disaster. In a moment of sheer panic, he changes the subject abruptly. 

“So… ”

Kurt looks up, staring into his eyes again, wondering what is possibly going to come out next. That is a very open-ended word. It could lead to anything: _So this was fun, thanks, but I must be going now. Or, so this was exhausting, and you scare me with your crazy soul-wrenching revelations. Or, so I’m in love with you, let’s run away together_. _Wait, what?_ Kurt waits in anticipation. 

“This was an amazing night Kurt, so amazing. But my life is—well, it’s complicated and—I … “

Or it could be the “it’s complicated” line. He hates that one worst of all, even if Blaine's life is complicated. It implies that Kurt couldn’t possibly understand him or be sensitive to his needs. It makes assumptions without even giving him a chance to try and understand first.

“Oh, don’t Blaine, please don’t start this part of the conversation with that word. That is dangerously close to ‘It's not you, it’s me,’” he uses his fingers to air-quote that line. Then he takes a deep breath, straightens his fork, then his dessert plate, then carefully folds the napkin from his lap and lays it on the table. He’s trying to give his mind easy tasks to concentrate on for a moment, so he doesn’t give in to the disappointment and anxiety he’s starting to feel. This night has just taken an abrupt turn; it makes his head spin. _Kurt Hummel, stay calm, do not get emotional yet,_ he pleads with himself. 

“Look, I’m not some delicate flower that needs protecting, Blaine. Please, don’t treat me like I am. I can handle what really needs to be said, and I want to understand.” 

Blaine looks at him with utter disbelief, disarmed, speechless, unsure all of a sudden. Who is this man?

“Kurt, don’t—don’t think, oh what a mess,” and here comes bumbling Blaine again. “Look—I was going to say that I want to see you again, I do, but … I’m not sure when we can. I don’t know if it could ever work, it’s-it’s, and... and my lifestyle Kurt. I’m not sure I could drag you into it with a good conscience. You’re so young with your life stretched out in front of you. You’re just getting started, and the baggage I’m carrying right now. Kurt, you were so right, someone did break me. Sometimes I wonder if I’ll ever be whole again. I don’t want to subject you to all that, Kurt. You deserve so much more.” 

Blaine sighs heavily; this night had been almost perfect. Why did he have to open his big mouth and ruin everything? His therapist’s voice is rattling around in his head in the distance, something about feeling unworthy of his own happiness, but he puts it to the side for now. 

Kurt’s answer is a _very convincing_ diva glare expressing his frustration and disbelief, yet somehow, done with love, compassion, and empathy. Blaine has no idea how he’s pulling that off, but then again, Blaine has never met anyone like Kurt. With an upturned eyebrow, he’s saying, “I’m waiting for the part where you tell me what's actually wrong here because I care about you deeply.” Yet, he’s also saying, “Stop trying to make decisions about what is best for me without actually talking to me. You may now have another chance to try again, so please speak.”

He just tried to push away this beautiful man “for his own good” without even trying to talk about what is going on, and he's being called out on his bullshit with a single look. 

Blaine sheepishly stares down at his hands. He can’t bear to look at Kurt, but he feels compelled to share the truth. He can barely talk about this story with his close family and friends, and now he’s going to share it with a guy he’s hardly known for less than two hours? 

In a choked-up voice, he starts, “His name was Connor. We were together for more than five years. We, we, were engaged. I thought we loved each other until I found out that he had been having multiple affairs for _years._ I didn’t know. I didn’t even suspect it until, umm, until some … well, there were pictures that came out in a very public way. It was devastating on so many levels, Kurt.” 

Blaine wipes some tears off of his cheek and tries to keep going. “It shattered me entirely, but there were also repercussions with my job and the other families that were affected as well. Some of the affairs he had, well, they were with married men, and there, there were women, too. It was … it was horrible to feel deceived so completely.”

Kurt lets out a gasp and grabs Blaine’s hand and rubs his thumb over Blaine’s knuckles a few times.

“Well, damn, Blaine.”

Kurt pauses and then says lovingly, “Thank you for telling me. That can’t have been easy to share with me, honey.” It didn’t go past Blaine’s notice that Kurt didn’t coddle him, or tell him he was “So, so sorry that happened to him,” as most people did. Blaine didn’t want people’s sympathy; how did Kurt know that?

Blaine simply nods, still hasn’t looked up at Kurt yet, doesn’t understand what he’s so afraid of. Actually, he does. He didn’t want Kurt’s sympathy, but more than that, he definitely does not want Kurt’s pity. He's afraid that’s what he’ll see if he looks up. And he can’t stand the thought of seeing it there in Kurt’s eyes, definitely not over this, not about Connor.

They let the silence sit between them for a few quiet moments, both of them trying to get their bearings back. 

“So, are you a drug dealer?” Kurt finally asks before taking a sip of water.

Blaine’s head snaps up so fast, he can’t even process the question. “Am I a what?”

“A drug dealer,” Kurt repeats with absolutely no emotion on his face, but Blaine can’t help but notice there is a little mischievous twinkle in his eyes. 

Blaine laughs; it feels so good to release some of the tension from the last few minutes. “Um no, Kurt. I am most definitely not a drug dealer.”

“I see. A porn star, perhaps?”

“Oh my gosh, no, Kurt!”

“Aww, such a shame, but I digress,” he smirks. “Let’s see... are you a politician or aspire to be one?”

“Nope.” Blaine chuckles.

“A raging crazy serial killer out to stalk me?”

“NO!”

“Okay, okay, calm down there. How about a B-list movie star?”

“Not even C-list, love.” 

It takes all of Kurt’s willpower to not triple take when Blaine seems to let that word slip without even realizing it.

“Well, geez, honey. How about an ex-convict out on parole?”

“Kurt! Oh my, who do you think I am?!”

“Well, that is what I’m trying to figure out, Blaine Blaine. Just give me a minute we’ll get there,” as he exaggerates, pretending to think.

“Are you a secret spy taking advantage of my youth and sweet innocence to seduce me so you can gather top-secret intel from Vogue and then disappear from my life forever, leaving me a ruined man?”

Blaine belly laughs at this one; he lets out all the stress and laughs for the sake of laughing. It’s the best feeling in the world.

“No, no, I’m not a spy. I’m sorry, Kurt,” he says with a gentle smile.

“Okay, then.” Kurt says seriously, with resolution and a hint of promise in his voice. It's a statement, not a question.

“Okay, then—what?” Blaine carefully asks, his eyes searching Kurt’s face for any signs as to what he means.

“That’s all I needed to know until you can tell me more. You're not a spy out to seduce me, a drug dealer, politician, or ex-convict, and I believe you so—okay then.”

Blaine studies Kurt and realizes he’s serious. He’s willing to accept Blaine at his word right now and be okay with it. He’s not asking Blaine for anything. No one has ever not asked Blaine for anything, ever. He feels like that is all he is good for most of the time, what people need or want from him; his face, his money, his words, his connections, his decisions. But Kurt isn’t going to ask him for anything?

“Kurt, I, wait, what are you saying here exactly?”

“I’m saying that I’m not afraid, Blaine. None of the things you said earlier seem big enough to chase me away, as least not yet. So you have baggage, honey, we all do. That’s why we need people in our lives who love us, Blaine. So we can hold each other up when it all gets too heavy to handle on our own.”

Kurt sits up and scoots closer to Blaine retaking his hand and holds it in both of his in his lap (and really, why do they ever let go? It feels so much better like this). 

“Look, Blaine. I know I’m young, but I can assure you I’m an old soul. Not only that, but I had to grow up fast. I learned how to take care of myself and stand up for myself when most of my friends were still sending love notes with ‘check yes or no.’ I’m going to be honest with you right up front, Blaine. I don’t like playing games in relationships or with the people I date. I have too much respect for myself and for someone who I could possibly care about that much to ever be able to do it. Can we promise to be honest with each other come what may?” His breath hitches on that last phrase, he notices Blaine’s does too. 

“If we decide later this doesn’t work, there won’t be any regrets, because we will have said what needs to be said there won’t be any “what ifs” or “if only.” I think we owe that much to ourselves, and this crazy, whatever this is building between us. I know you can feel it too, Blaine. I see it in your eyes.”

Kurt gently reaches out and runs his fingers down the side of Blaine’s face just once, he automatically turns into Kurt’s touch. “And I can see the struggle you are having with it too. I understand, honey, I do. This age gap and whatever else you are dealing with is serious stuff, and you are going to have to work that out, but can we promise to do it without playing games or constantly holding ourselves back from each other?”

Blaine squeezes Kurt’s hand. With all the sincerity he can muster, he answers Kurt. “I have never met anyone like you, Kurt, ever. I wasn’t being overly dramatic when I told you that you move me. You do, and you have so many times tonight. You have no idea how much I needed to hear everything you just said. I don’t want to play games with you either. I always want to know where we stand. I was honest when I said that this is complicated for me. I’m being a bit vague, I know. I know I am, but there _are_ complications, and I’m scared. Terrified actually, of what I already feel between us. But I shouldn’t have made assumptions about how you would react to that, so I am sorry for that.” 

Kurt’s smiles wide; he’s sure Blaine is wondering why. But he just had this incredibly beautiful man tell him his feelings are returned, that what is happening between them is real. And bonus, he was quick to see that he shouldn’t have made decisions about how Kurt would handle something without at least talking to him first. 

They both sit for a moment, then whatever is out there in the universe trying to get them together plants the most genius plan into Kurt’s head. Or maybe Kurt is just this brilliant. It’s hard to tell sometimes.

“I have a proposal, my good sir!” Kurt just blurts out with a hilarious little shoulder shimmy as if he needs to release some of the excitement from his body. Blaine is wondering how Kurt always knows when to inject just the right amount of humor, and he also notices how much he likes it when Kurt calls him _my good sir_ like he thinks Blaine is good and decent and deserving of his playful affection; it’s endearing. 

“A proposal? But oh, this is all so sudden, Mr. Hummel!” Blaine clasps his heart with his hands as he feigns shock. He’s happy to realize he can be silly too. It feels remarkable. Kurt smiles, presses his leg against Blaine’s, grabbing his hand and pulling it into his lap _again_. This time it’s Blaine who wonders why they ever let go.

“I think, Blaine, that I may not have been so far off when I mentioned the society column? That there must be a portion of your life that is in the public eye and carefully scrutinized, is that right?” Blaine’s eyes go a little distant, wondering just where this so-called proposal is going, but he nods yes.

“I also have the feeling that you must come from or have your own money, perhaps self-made?” Kurt sighs, realizing he’s gotten lost in those golden hazel eyes again. Blaine nods affirmatively but tilts his head in question.

“And I would wager that if this is true, then there have been many gentlemen callers, dates, or what have you, through the years who want a life of privilege and all the fine things a man of your position could probably give them? And it’s hard to know if they even see you or want to be near you, or if they are just after the lifestyle?” 

Blaine is tearing up again, dammit all to hell, how does Kurt do this to him? It's as if there's a teleprompter streaming all the deepest thoughts of his soul. Words pressed against the glass, and Kurt is reading them back to him as they scroll by. He shakes his head once to try and clear it. The only thing Blaine can do is keep his promise of honesty and nods again, that yes, it's all true.

“So let’s do something unexpected and crazy, Blaine! Let's lay it all out on the line right now before it even begins!” 

He reaches over the booth, grabs a pen from the bill folder left behind at the table next to them, grabs a clean napkin, and starts writing something. Blaine wonders how someone can look so damn sexy, intelligent, and mischievous at the same time, but Kurt manages it with perfection. Of course, he is.

“For you, Blaine Blaine.” He hands the napkin over with a flourish and a silly head bow to Blaine.

I, Kurt E. Hummel, do sign this predating “pre-everything” prenuptial of my own free will. I do not want now, or ever will want, access to the current financial assets of one Mr. Blaine ________ (aka Blaine Blaine). And hitherto will sign any legal documents to this fact willingly and do, in fact, insist upon it. I am also willing to allow a full background check on me. Kurt E. Hummel

After Blaine reads it, he lets out a gasp and quickly covers his mouth for a moment before he tries to speak. ”Kurt, what…why...what...you...”

But Kurt just light-heartedly laughs and starts to talk right over any objections or thoughts Blaine might have about _that_ because nothing will change his mind about it. He has zero interest in Blaine’s money.

“Now that we’re absolutely clear on that point right up front, I propose that we agree to try out this incredible thing, whatever it is between us, for fifteen dates, and I mean exclusive.” 

Blaine’s jaw drops. He can’t begin to understand where this is going. 

“After each set of thee dates, there will be a milestone conversation, the topic to be agreed upon in advance. And even if we disagree during these conversations or don’t know how we can work through something unless it’s an absolute deal-breaker, we see this through to the end of fifteen dates. If one or both of us wants out at that time, we will know we tried to give this amazing thing a chance. We can part good friends. But Blaine, something wonderful may happen too, something we can’t even anticipate.” 

Blaine is sure he looks like an idiot right now staring at Kurt with some mix of shock and awe and wonderment with a dash of terrified and a double shot of turned on. But he can’t seem to remember how to speak right now, so he keeps looking, mouth hanging open. 

Luckily for him, Kurt is on a roll with his genius little plan and keeps talking.

“And these dates, Blaine, they can’t cost much money. We have to meet each other on even ground for a time. While I know I’m worthy of being lavished upon, I certainly don’t need to be, to be happy, and you deserve the same, Blaine. Someone should spoil you too. But I’m about to graduate from college in a few months, so until graduation day, I’m an intern, a bloody good one but still an intern,” he takes a deep breath.

“Besides, I think that time and our undivided attention is the most selfless thing we have to give to someone. You can’t put a price on it—that is what we can do for each other. It doesn’t have to be fancy or expensive, either. Let’s spoil each other with the most precious thing we have, our time, Blaine.” 

Blaine is pretty sure at that moment if he could remember how to speak, he would get down on one knee and propose to Kurt right now. How in the freaking universe is this guy even real? But he can’t remember how to speak, so he lets Kurt keep talking.

Kurt then makes a sultry little expression and adds, “What do you think, my good sir? Do you think you can woo me and sweep me off my feet without your vast fortune behind you? And that perhaps you could fall for a clever, but humble intern?”

Blaine finds it in himself to at least grin at Kurt now and try to give him some sign that he is quite capable of speech and somewhat intelligent. He can speak four languages for heaven’s sake. But still, no words come in any of them.

“I’m willing to let you have the first three dates to just be **_you_** without needing you to tell me more, but then you will have to spill your story to me and who you are out in the great big world Blaine Blaine. So Milestone Conversation No. 1 will be that. I’m not naive enough to tell you right now that whatever it is and whoever you are, doesn’t matter. I want to know everything about you, Blaine, and maybe I won’t be able to handle it. Maybe you’re right, and it _is_ too complicated, or maybe it won’t even phase me. But you have been hurt so badly, and not just by Connor; I can see that. And if this is what I can give you to help you give us, give **_me_** this chance, I’m giving it to you willingly. And I promise I won’t even think about typing ‘Blaine Blaine New York’s Most Eligible Bachelor’ in Google,” Kurt snickers, but his eyes show how serious he is about this and how sincerely he means that he will give Blaine his privacy for now.

And then as almost an afterthought, Kurt adds, “Oh! And it goes without saying, after seeing how skittish you are here tonight, that the first three dates, at the minimum, can be somewhere more discreet?”

Blaine wonders how he has any tears left. They are just streaming down his face. And he’s in public crying like this, and he just doesn’t give a damn about that right now. Still, he can’t find any way to make his mouth move. He wants to say, _Thank you. Thank you, Kurt. Thank you for trying to understand me, for giving me this. You have no idea what this means to me_ , but his jaw won’t budge, and air won’t push past his tongue to say it. Somehow though, he finds the presence of mind to squeeze Kurt’s hand, pressing his leg closer to Kurt’s. He thinks he may have nodded his head as well, trying to get Kurt to continue. 

Kurt is starting to feel a little nervous without verbal input from Blaine, so he questioningly looks at him. “I feel like I’m talking too much, honey, is this all just insane? Do you want me to stop?”

But dammit Blaine can’t talk still; he’s not in control of his emotions right now. He’s never in his entire life been rendered so utterly in awe. So he shakes his head no, and squeezes Kurt’s hand again and tries to wipe some of his tears away with his other hand.

“Okay, you sure?” Kurt asks nervously but with a shy smile. 

Blaine nods yes this time, and oh, his brain latched onto that shy smile. He thinks that nervous, unsure Kurt is almost as hot as the entirely confident Kurt that was here just a minute ago. It’s doing things to Blaine’s heart.

“And, umm, I don’t think we should kiss each other on the lips or allow any hands south of the equator until we’re at least through date nine,” Kurt tries to get out as quickly as possible. Blaine’s eyebrows almost comically go off his forehead like a cartoon. What in the world is Kurt thinking? If there weren’t so many people here now, he’d have taken Kurt in arms an hour ago and wouldn’t have stopped kissing those tantalizing lips that say the most amazing things and must taste like the tangerine cheesecake they had for dessert. 

He’s also pretty sure an embarrassing groan of disapproval came out of his mouth too because Kurt quickly adds, “Please let me assure you, my good sir, that this is for both of our benefits. Because in the spirit of honesty here, which we did promise, did we not? If the time comes that you ever do want to kiss me, I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to stop kissing you back, and that would defeat the purpose of getting to know each other in this brilliant little plan, wouldn’t it?”

Blaine’s mind is exploding. There is so much to process here. First, Kurt is not kidding about not playing games, is he? He just told Blaine in no uncertain times that he already wants him to kiss him, and he just laid out his expectations in advance about when it would be acceptable to do so. So there would be no “should I or shouldn’t I” on these dates. Also, wait back up, see how he injected that humor again, right when it needed to be there, and did he really just say _south of the equator_? That is probably the most adorable thing Blaine has ever heard in his life. He thinks about how much courage this man has—and what is Blaine doing? Just sitting here dumbfounded, Kurt cannot possibly be real.

“And we have officially reached the part of this conversation where I need you to talk to me Blaine, because all of a sudden, I’m starting to feel very self-conscious and presumptuous. I just put everything out there for you, and the next thing I have to say can’t possibly be said until you talk to me first, Blaine, please.” Kurt looks vulnerable, even scared. This wakes Blaine up from his stupor immediately. He doesn’t want this genius man to feel that way a second longer than he has already. 

“Kurt, I’m trying to find the words, truly I am. You have rendered me speechless in the best way possible. You have more courage inside you than anyone I have ever met. Here you sit, reaching across an age gap that would make most guys your age shudder, and yet you do it with wisdom so far beyond your years, way beyond what I feel like are even my years. I’m in awe of you and your ability to trust your intuition, and I’m willing to try this wickedly brilliant plan of yours. And honestly? I’ve just been sitting here with bated breath for every word that comes out next. So, please keep talking to me. You have captured my attention. I’m listening, love.”

Internally Blaine realizes what he just said. _Wait, did I call him love? And I think that I did that earlier too. It’s been one night. One night, and he’s pulled me farther out of this fog I’ve been living in the last two years than anything else I’ve dared to believe would help me. Maybe I’m not as broken as I once thought._ And somewhere in his heart, Blaine feels a tether binding itself to Kurt, and he **_wants_** to feel it there tugging at him, the words come back to him from earlier that night. _Home—finally._

“Okay, then if you’re sure?” Kurt asks, and once again, Blaine nods yes, please continue. 

“Milestone Conversation No. 2, after our sixth date, has to be about sex both the logistics of it and the expectations surrounding it.” Blaine nearly chokes and tries to cover it with a cough. Okay, so confident Kurt is back, keep up Blaine, keep up.

“I have some concerns that I would need to talk to you about that are incredibly personal for me. I’m nowhere near ready to discuss them with you yet, but this way, we’ll make sure to have this discussion planned out, I won’t be able to sidestep around it. And by having this conversation well before our ninth date, we can work out anything we need to so we aren’t having any stilted, awkward conversations about sexual expectations when physical restrictions are lifted.” He has the nerve to wink at him. Blaine sincerely hopes that the whimper he heard in his head didn’t make it out through his throat. He doubts he's that lucky.

“Okay, Kurt? Umm, how are you real? I’ve been asking myself this question silently for the last hour or so but I, how are you real? Yes, please, let’s have this conversation, so we are both on the same page. I want to show you the utmost respect, especially regarding these types of expectations. If you feel like that is the time you’ll be ready to talk about it, I can wait until then. I want to know you too, Kurt. I want to know everything there is to know about you. I want you to be able to trust me enough to have those conversations with me without fear of judgment.” 

“Thank you, Blaine,” Kurt says sincerely.

“Speaking of time, what is the timeline of these dates? I think we better talk about that, yeah?” Blaine says.

“Oh, for sure. I think, as a general rule, the dates have to be on different calendar days, so you know if we meet up for breakfast and then somehow manage to be together for dinner, it’s just still one date.”

“Sounds reasonable,” the thought of being with Kurt all day sounds like heaven. His erratic heartbeat agrees with him.

“I’m willing to take these dates at your pace Blaine. We can plan them over a period of weeks, months, or go crazy and try fifteen consecutive days—or anywhere in between. It's up to you. I’ll do my best to make you a priority. I’m finishing up my last semester of college at Parsons, but I am efficient and work hard on my school work, so I’m never behind, and my senior project is almost finished. My work schedule is insane. But nothing I do in my life is more important than what is most important to me, Blaine, and that is the people I care about. So I hope it doesn’t sound needy or like too much, but I will try to be available when your schedule allows unless I just really truly can’t--again, no games.” Kurt takes a moment to breathe before continuing.

“And Blaine, I wasn’t kidding about this being exclusive. If we do this, I won't date anyone else, and I expect the same from you. So if you need time to disentangle or make room for me in your life, I’ll wait until you are ready, honey, but I won’t compromise on this one point; I can’t.”

Blaine immediately jumps in, “Kurt, no! Of course, I understand that maybe better than anyone. I haven’t dated much since Connor. It’s been two years, Kurt. I just haven’t had the desire to even think about it until you, and I mean that. I don’t think I could do this either without the promise that it’s just us in each other’s lives right now.”

Blaine is pretty sure that Kurt’s smile could light up half of the New York City skyline. Something is growing inside of him that wants to be the reason why Kurt smiles that big all the time.

“Okay, so all that is left to decide before we leave here tonight is the other milestone conversations we want to have,” Kurt says.

“Viewpoints on family, marriage, and children,” Blaine says without hesitation. “I also think it’s important that we discuss our expectations regarding work hours and money, love.” _Oh my gosh, there is that word again_ , but Blaine tells that voice in his head to be quiet because this thing with Kurt feels so right he’s not going to play games, he promised Kurt he wouldn’t. He’s not going to second guess himself at every turn, and until Kurt looks uncomfortable or asks him to stop, Blaine is pretty sure that “love” is going to be his favorite name for him. He’s not going to think about it as shocking anymore. 

He continues, “Because I agree with these first fifteen dates being little to no cost, I see your point—I’m intrigued by it all. It sounds like the best kind of challenge there is, spending more time together and less money. But there will come a time in the future when that isn’t realistic anymore, and I want us to be on the same page about money, Kurt.” He holds up the “prenuptial napkin” with a look like _We’ll be talking about this then too_. “I couldn’t bear it if that were the thing that tore us apart.”

Blaine wonders at what point during their conversation tonight he went from trying to push Kurt away for his own good to seeing them as a couple already?

Kurt seems to take it all in stride, “Okay, so work/money will be Milestone Conversation No. 3. Shall we leave marriage and family until conversation five?” He giggles after he says that. Like maybe that will be their happily ever after, but he’s not going to say it out loud. And honestly? With the way this night has gone, Blaine isn’t so sure it isn’t the truth. 

“Maybe, let’s have Milestone Conversation No. 3 be about things that have changed us. Wouldn’t that be an amazing conversation to have all night, Kurt? Things that have made us who we are? Maybe share something, a dream, or fear, or experience, we’ve never dared to tell anyone else?” Blaine thinks he must have said something right because Kurt is looking at him now the way Blaine has been looking at Kurt most of the night, with awe and adoration. Blaine feels like he won the lottery to have Kurt looking at him like that.

“That’s perfect, Blaine. So perfect.” Kurt loves that he can see some of the walls around Blaine start to come down already.

He let’s go of Blaine’s hand and pulls out his phone. Blaine gives him a raised eyebrow and questioning look like _why are you pulling your phone out in the middle of this incredibly important conversation_?

Kurt gives a hearty chuckle as he pulls up a brand new empty note on his phone and shows it to Blaine. Again Blaine raises an eyebrow. Kurt sort of loves his eyebrows and loses himself in Blaine’s eyes for a moment. Then he shakes himself back to reality and the task at hand.

“I am assistant to the assistant editor, you know! I have insane organizing skills.” Giving himself a moment to think, he then starts typing like a mad man. Blaine must admit he is quite impressed with the speed with which Kurt can type on his phone.

After a few minutes, Kurt hands the phone over to Blaine.

Their agreement is laid out in such simple terms; he can hardly believe it. It looks so easy. Everything clearly in front of them. Even more than that, though, it’s so full of possibility that neither of them will ever be the same again. 

Kurt tells him to sign it; he makes Blaine type out his name at the bottom. Well, the name he is willing to give right now. He signs it _Blaine Blaine_ , but it makes Kurt laugh, so that is all that matters. 

\------------------------------

We solemnly swear to be as honest as we can and not to play games. We also commit to 15 dates on at least 15 separate calendar days, during which time we will be exclusive. The budget for said dates is $25 or less and will be discreet until such time as mutually agreed upon. 

No kissing on the lips or hands south of the equator until we get through date nine at a minimum. Expectations will be thoroughly discussed and mutually agreed upon before these restrictions are lifted.

The milestone conversations can happen before or after one of the scheduled dates, but they cannot be counted as the date itself. If both parties agree, it can also be scheduled on a day of its own.

\------------------------------

Date 1: Kurt  
Date 2: Blaine  
Date 3: Kurt

Milestone Conversation No. 1 [Blaine initiates]  
The Mystery Behind Blaine Blaine

Date 4: Blaine  
Date 5: Kurt  
Date 6: Blaine

Milestone Conversation No. 2 [Kurt initiates]  
Sexual Expectations

Date 7: Kurt  
Date 8: Blaine  
Date 9: Kurt

Milestone Conversation No. 3 [Blaine initiates]  
Secrets and Life-Changing Experiences

Date 10: Blaine  
Date 11: Kurt  
Date 12: Blaine

Milestone Conversation No. 4 [Kurt initiates]  
Money & Work Expectations 

Date 13: Kurt  
Date 14: Blaine  
Date 15: Kurt

Milestone Conversation No. 5 [Blaine initiates]  
Viewpoints on Family, Marriage, and Children

I’m all in,  
Kurt Hummel  
Blaine Blaine

\------------------------------

He sends a text off to Blaine with the attachment.  
_**Let's put a foundation under ourselves and make sure this isn’t just about our crazy chemistry.** _

At that point, they realize they have been here for hours, and with all the tears and emotions evident at their table tonight, their waiter stopped coming over to offer more beverages awhile ago. They realize that there are far fewer people around. It must be close to closing time. 

Blaine takes care of the check. Kurt is mature enough to not make a big deal out of it. Blaine did ask him out after all, and he is grateful. So he thanks him sincerely, and that is that.

As they leave the restaurant, Kurt asks if they can take a selfie together for their phone contacts. Blaine giggles at that and agrees. Afterward, Blaine gives Kurt a tight hug. He wants to commit this night to his memory in as many details as he can. Tries to memorize how it feels to be the perfect height to nuzzle in Kurt’s neck, the way he smells like vanilla, clove, and cedarwood. But mostly just the way it feels to be held by someone willing to try so hard to meet Blaine where he is at and not push him farther than that. It’s incredible to have hope after so long without it.

After a few minutes, he hails Kurt a cab. Once the cab pulls forward, he opens the door for him, looks into Kurt’s eyes, “I’m terrified I’m going to wake up tomorrow and find out you aren’t real—that this has all been a dream.” Kurt’s breath hitches in his chest, taking a deep breath to balance himself. 

He leans over and kisses Blaine on the cheek, “I’m real, and I’ll see you as soon as you are ready, honey,” then slides into the cab and shuts the door. 

\----~---------------------~---

Meanwhile, a curly-haired man watches the cab drive away with a look of pure joy on his face. What a difference one day can make, no not a day, one person. What a difference one person can make in a day of your life. 

His phone vibrates. Opening the text, he sees the picture attached of him and Kurt.  
_Thank you for giving us a chance._

He feels that tether on his heart, tugging harder already. He’s not as sacred as he was even an hour ago. He whispers to no one but the night air, “Finally.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for the chapter: Mentions of heartache and an OC having an affair
> 
> Friday is all posted now. A HUGE THANK YOU to Jayhawk-Writes for jumping in and being a beta for this story! She's amazing. But of course, all mistakes are one hundred percent mine. 
> 
> You can find artwork and related posts to this chapter on my Tumblr page GleefulPoppet, I'll be adding things over the next month.
> 
> [Click Here to See Larger on Tumblr](https://gleefulpoppet.tumblr.com/post/631552402620825600/patg-aesthetic-chapters-2-4)


	5. Saturday: Now, Baby, I Believe

As Kurt wakes up the next morning, he’s smiling and feeling content. He searches his feelings as to what brought this on. Oh, he had been dreaming of Blaine in that “in-between” space of waking and sleeping. They were lovely dreams that had made him blush, but there were other parts of the dreams too. He saw them happy together, walking hand in hand in a park, laughing and talking. He tries to remind himself that this is just the beginning. Maybe he should take it back a notch or two? But then there's another part of him that is asking, _Why_? 

Kurt already knows if this ends, it’s going to be painful, probably beyond anything he’s experienced yet. There is already a bond with Blaine, something so much bigger than he’s ever felt before. He gets it now; the talk about soulmates and love at first sight, things he used to roll his eyes at if he’s honest. So if it’s going to hurt anyway, he might as well give this the very best he has in him so he will never have any regrets. He knows how it felt for those few terrifying moments last night when he thought Blaine was going to give up on them before they even started, and walk out of his life again, maybe forever. 

He remembers there was something in his soul that was screaming at him to fight for giving them a chance, and he’s grateful that somehow the universe gave him the strength and ideas he needed to do it.

He smiles, reliving the conversation over and over again in his mind. He briefly wonders how long it will be before he hears from Blaine. He doesn’t want to play games, but he did most of the talking last night and sent the previous two texts. He feels like it’s time to stay still. He made his stand. He fought for his chance. Now he has to let Blaine work at his speed.

He can’t imagine what it would take for himself to trust anyone again if he had the experiences that Blaine had had. He mentally adds a note to do some research today on how you can support someone who has been cheated on. Kurt knows all too well how much damage people can do when they “try” to do or say the right thing to comfort you, but make everything so much worse.

He also wants to know more about trust and how you can build a strong foundation of it in a relationship. He adds that to the list as well. This is how he’s been working in his life in the last few years. He didn’t have access to a therapist, but he could look up topics and better educate himself. Try to practice and implement what he learned. He was determined to leave Lima with a survivor mentality. With the skills that would get him the fantastic life, he wanted in New York. 

The same New York that brought the most incredible man into his life with a Dolce and Gabbana scarf. He smiles and rolls over, pulling the covers up to his chin. Perhaps he’ll let himself stay in his daydreams a bit longer.

He awakens about an hour later with a buzz from his nightstand.

 **B: Good morning. Just checking in to make sure you’re real  
**K: Hello, honey. Yes I am. Pinched myself just to make sure  
**B: I’m relieved. How soon is too soon to see you again?  
**K: Honestly? Now wouldn’t be too soon  
**B: You really aren’t afraid are you?  
**K: Oh, I am, but I promised myself to not second guess anything with us   
**B: Well at least now I know you’re human, thanks for admitting you might be as afraid as me  
****B: Anyway! I have a meeting this AM but this afternoon or evening?  
**K: I can have our first date planned. Just name the time?  
**B: It doesn't have to be one of our dates but how about 4?  
**K: I would love to start our dates—and 4 is fine  
**B: I’d love that too. Just tell me where you want me then?  
**K: Scandalous! I can’t possibly answer that question so soon ;)  
K: Ahem. Anyway, I’ll let you know where to meet soon. OK, honey?  
**B: LOL You actually made me blush- OK, love. See you soon  
**K: Good luck with your meeting  
**B: Thank you, Kurt**

Well, Kurt was awake now, and his mind was working triple time to come up with an idea for their date. His lazy morning was over but for all the best reasons. He decided to work on his school work for a few hours. He had some sketches he needed to finish up, clean his studio apartment, and do some of the research he promised himself he’d do earlier, which gave him an idea. What about a date at the library? He’d let that percolate in the back of his mind for a bit. He needed something in public. He wasn’t ready to have Blaine over yet, but somewhere more discreet than a bar or restaurant, and somewhere they could talk. The library was looking better by the minute. 

Somewhere in between cleaning out the fridge and finishing up a sketch, he called the library and was able to get a study room. Fate, it would seem, was on his side as someone had just canceled their reservation. 

Then he decided to Skype Mercedes. He needed to tell somebody about last night. And he knew he was falling fast; he better tell her right from the start so that it didn’t come as a huge surprise to her later. She’d never forgive him! It was wonderful to talk to her. She gasped and giggled at all the right places in the story. Offered some advice and told him how proud she was of him for following his heart when he fought for a chance with Blaine. And while she was wary about the age gap at first, she didn’t seem to think it was that big of a deal with Kurt specifically, because once again, the words “old soul” came up. 

“Take care of yourself, boo. You have a good head on your shoulders. You’ll know what to do, and I’m here for you,” she told him as they finished their call.

\------------------------------

K: Can you meet at the B Street library at 4? Is that far for you? Need to meet later? And is it discreet enough?  
**B: It’s perfect. I’ll be there. Should I bring anything?**  
K: Wonderful! No just that beautiful smile of yours  
**B: :) See you soon**

Kurt realizes that he has drastically underestimated their chemistry and can feel it when they aren’t even in the same room. He can feel it through the phone when they talk or text. Just the thought of Blaine is electric and does things to his mind _and_ body. He’s been feeling the undercurrents of it all day. Waiting to kiss this man for even nine days, much less nine dates, at whatever Blaine’s pace might be, is going to be pure hell. He groans. 

He decides it’s close enough to the time to take a shower and get ready for their date. And if getting ready means taking a few moments to get himself off so he can have half a chance of keeping himself under control tonight, well, you have to do what you have to do, right? If he only knew Blaine was under similar duress and taking care of himself too, he might not have felt quite so guilty when he called out Blaine’s name, one elbow pressed against the glass of his shower, his other hand working him through his second release in less than ten minutes.

\-------------------

Kurt, dressed to impress wearing his favorite gray and rainbow patterned Paul Smith Beatles button-down shirt and smokey gray skinny jeans, is waiting in the library lobby, pacing. He’s taking a significant risk with this date. He had assigned himself the first date so that they wouldn’t have anything to compare it to (even though he realizes now, he had told Blaine next time he could pick the place. But who knew then where last night was going). 

He also wanted to be brave and take the first one to show Blaine that he could have an amazing night without spending much money at all. Then he questioned, could Blaine? Will Blaine think this is childish or dumb or too personal or… he takes a deep breath to center himself. None of that matters now. Kurt chose the date; he’s going to see it through and hope that it goes well.

As he looks up from his deep centering breath, he sees Blaine walk through the door, and well, so much for trying to center himself. Blaine is wearing navy linen dress pants, a navy V-neck t-shirt, a designer denim suit jack with the sleeves rolled to his elbows, and boysenberry color shoes. The watch on his wrist accentuates his thickly veined hands, and Kurt wants to stare. He is such a gorgeous man. But more than all of that, Blaine is wearing a smile that is intoxicating. A chemical that Kurt is starting to feel addicted to.

Blaine walks in and immediately takes Kurt into his arms, “Hello, love.”

“Hello, honey,” Kurt is barely able to whisper back. And just like the day in the store, his hands immediately go to Blaine’s waist, holding right above his hips.

They stand there for a moment allowing each other to take it all in. The feel of their cheeks touching, the warm breath on each other’s necks, their hearts beating so close to each other, their chests barely brushing each other, the way their hands feel on each other’s bodies. It’s like a symphony of sounds and sensations as they take each other in.

Blaine lightly kisses Kurt on the side of his neck, “How are you, baby? Did you miss me?” He says teasingly, making them both laugh a little. 

“I did miss you, honey,” Kurt gets out. “I think I’m fine, but that’s a relative term because standing here in your arms is …” he can’t find the words.

Blaine whispers, “I feel the same way about you, love.” And then Blaine pulls away suddenly and looks at Kurt with a curious expression. 

“What?” Kurt asks, puzzled. 

“You do realize in the last 2 minutes we’ve used at least three pet names for each other, right? I’ve never really been one to do that, so this is new for me. I need to make sure it doesn’t bother you? Because wow, this is all going lightning fast. But none of it feels wrong or scary to me. It’s like maybe this is just who we are together? And I’m trying to not second guess my instincts about it. But does it bother you?”

Kurt laughs, “Oh my darling, sweetheart, honey bee! No, it doesn’t bother me at all. You’ll find, as time goes by I do use terms of endearment with lots of my friends. But believe me, it means something entirely different with you. Unless you decide you don’t feel comfortable with it, I think we can just be us—however, we want to be. Even if it’s sugary sweet and a bit sappy. I’ll tell you if I’m ever uncomfortable. I’m not good at keeping quiet about things that upset me, which is both a blessing and a curse.”

“I got a tiny glimpse of that last night. I think I love that about you,” Blaine says as he threads his fingers through Kurt’s.

Kurt kisses him on the cheek, lingering for a moment with his lips. It feels so good.

“Well then, darling,” he over exaggerates the word rolling it off his tongue. “Are you ready for this library scavenger hunt?”

“Are you serious? I love scavenger hunts, my brother and I used to do them with the neighbor kids. I haven’t done one since well, I don’t remember when.” Suddenly Blaine looks so young, seems to be lost in his memories for a minute. Kurt slowly relaxes. He thinks Blaine might like this date after all. 

“Well, my good sir, here is the plan. I found a scavenger hunt online, which I haven’t read yet so that I couldn’t cheat and know everything on the list beforehand. So we’ll look at it together simultaneously, then we can find our books. Then at 5:00, we have a reserved, just for us, study room for two hours where we can share our finds. And then at 7:00, I thought we could grab a bite to eat and take a walk together?”

“Sounds perfect, love,” Blaine replies.

“Alright, so the only question that remains to be answered is, do we split up to find our books, so they are a total surprise? Or stick together and try to be stealthy while simultaneously getting major spoilers?”

“If it won’t ruin your plans, I have zero desire to let go of your hand any time soon, so I’d rather stay together,” Blaine answers as he takes a step closer to Kurt, resting his forehead against his.

“Then we stay together,” Kurt whispers. They stand like that for a few more minutes. It feels like their bodies are tuning into each other, calibrating, readjusting. Kurt’s energy, or life force, or soul, or whatever one might call it, is meeting Blaine’s in the small space between them, working overtime to forge this bond.

“Please tell me you can feel that, Kurt. Do you think it will always be like this?” Blaine whispers.

“I feel it, honey, and I hope we always do. But doesn’t it sort of feel like we’re meeting again? That somehow our souls are trying to remember or rediscover each other. Does that sound silly?”

“It’s not silly,” Blaine says. “But I’m not sure I understand what is happening. It’s this strange feeling of... ‘finally,’ that word keeps echoing through every thought I have about you.”

Kurt inhales sharply, “That was the word I heard the first time we touched in the store, and I’ve heard it several times since.”

Blaine’s hand slides up to Kurt’s neck, lightly cupping his ear with his thumb on one side and his fingers supporting his head from behind. He then stretches his neck up enough that he can kiss Kurt’s forehead. “We’re in for a wild adventure. I can’t wait to see where it takes us.”

“Me too, Blaine. Me too.” 

They wrap themselves into a tight embrace once more, pressing their cheeks and the sides of their heads together, rubbing gently. There’s friction where their warm skin connects, the texture from the hints of facial hair sending tingles up and down their spines. 

And then Blaine, with all the willpower he can gather, steps back, retaking Kurt’s hand and with that addicting smile, says, “Shall we begin then?”

They look at the list on Kurt’s phone and set off through the library, searching for books that qualify as candidates for each requirement on the list. Laughing together, exploring the library, telling stories from school, questioning book covers, finding things they have in common and things they don’t, making mental notes of things they want to learn, and of course, flirting mercilessly.

The entire time they are rarely more than a few inches apart. Hands held, legs pressed against each other, waists hugged from behind as one or the other explores a shelf. Chins rested on shoulders, nips at each other’s ears, fingertips brushing whenever possible. And always, always that buzzing electrifying energy between them.

As they finally make it to their study room a little after 5:00 PM, they each set their pile of books on the table with a sigh of relief. They’ve been carrying them around for a while. They sit next to each other and immediately tangle their ankles together under the table. 

Kurt didn’t have any motives when he planned the date, but it was a relief that Blaine likes books and didn’t seem to struggle with his choices. He’s sure that Blaine feels the same about him. They seem to have a mutual love of learning and reading. Kurt can’t imagine being with someone who hasn’t read a book since college.

They start going over the list and talk about their finds.

  * Book you read in High School
  * Book you’ve read multiple times
  * Book with gorgeous pictures
  * Book from an author you’ve never heard of
  * Book about a place you want to visit that you’ve never been
  * Book with a strange cover
  * Book made into a movie
  * Book that is in your top 5 favorites of all time
  * Book of poetry you’ve never read
  * Book about a famous person you don’t know much about
  * Book that could help you right now 
  * Book you love that you feel guilty about loving



As they get to the next part of the list Kurt gets excited, he’s been wondering about the books Blaine chose; he was acting sly and made sure to bury his choices under his other books.

  * Children’s Book: Favorite Illustrations
  * Children’s Book: Remember from childhood
  * Children’s Book: Favorite Author



“Okay, so what were you talking to the lady about in the children’s section when you had the audacity to leave my side for five minutes, Blaine Blaine? I’m very curious about the books you chose.”

“Well, I needed to find the foreign language section, and I wanted it to be a surprise if you really must know!” he smirks.

“Foreign language? I’m intrigued, my good sir.” 

Blaine pulls out one of the three books he was able to find. It’s in Italian. 

“I’m afraid they didn’t have my favorite books, but I chose these anyway because I loved reading children’s books in my college language classes. Can I read it to you?” 

“I’d love that, honey.”

Blaine clears his throat and begins to read the book to Kurt, it’s about the moon _La Luna_ , and Kurt is mesmerized by the sound of Blaine’s voice. He lowers his head to Blaine’s shoulder and tucks his arm under Blaine’s. He looks at the pictures as Blaine continues reading. Kurt isn’t sure why, but he’s starting to get emotional. When the book ends, Blaine kisses the top of Kurt’s head, “Can I read you one more?”

Not trusting his voice at the moment, Kurt hums his approval and nods his head on Blaine's shoulder.

Blaine pulls out the second children's book from the pile, but this time it's in Japanese. He begins to read it to Kurt. It's about a bluebird and a cherry blossom tree from what Kurt can tell by the pictures. But he's done for now emotionally. He doesn't understand why.

When Blaine closes the book Kurt doesn't move or say anything, so Blaine lays his head on Kurt's.

"I wanted to read you one in Filipino, Cebuano to be specific, but they didn't have any books, too niche I suppose. My mother is of Filipino heritage. I grew up listening to her tell me stories in her family's native language. I was always grateful that my parents spoke two languages. It fueled a fire in me to learn more. I can speak Italian, Japanese, and Cebuano fluently. I can speak some German, Portuguese, and French."

As Blaine reaches up to gently brush Kurt’s cheek, he realizes there are tears there. “Hey, hey love, what’s wrong?” 

“I’m so sorry I have no idea. I mean, I think I might be crying from happiness? I don’t know Blaine, you reading to me like that, I just—I don’t know, Blaine.”

Then he starts laughing. “You know, if someone wrote a book about us they’d be about twenty thousand words in right now and wonder if you and I are going to survive the first week of our relationship without drowning in our tears, burning up from the fire between us, or being stranded forever in the sticky, sappy sweetness. Geez, they’ll need a box of tissues, a fan, and a dentist for the cavities.”

Blaine laughs so hard his body shakes.

“Well, my dear, I would hope if they get this far into it that they would know that they are in the midst of the greatest love story ever told. All they’ll want is more, knowing that there is a first kiss waiting for them after date nine and that there positively must be a happily ever after.” 

“You really think so?” Kurt asks, his voice cracking. “The greatest love story ever told?”

“Oh baby, this is either going to be the greatest love story ever told or the worst heartbreak ever written. And I don’t think I can live through that kind of pain again, ever.” Blaine realizes what he’s just said and starts mumbling, “Oh my gosh, Kurt. I’m so sorry! That was way too much pressure on you, on both of us. I didn’t mean it like that.” He tries to take a calming breath but fails miserably. “I know we’ve only promised fifteen dates for now. I just meant—” he pulls himself forward, dislodging Kurt from his shoulder, putting both his arms on the desk and laying his head down on them, sighing.

Kurt immediately leans over and wraps himself over Blaine’s back, hugging him tightly, resting his chin on Blaine’s shoulder, talking closely to his ear. 

“Honey, no, stop. Look, you’re right, and we both know it. This has gone way beyond what either of us could have ever imagined even since just last night. It’s insane, and we’re just going to have let go of all pretense and live this the best we can. There are no rules for what is happening here. There’s no book out there in the library we can check out today that can get us through this, Blaine. So what is the use in pretending we know what is happening or what we’re doing?” 

He takes a deep breath.

“If you want me to be the first to say it, I will. I think we’re soulmates, Blaine. At this point, it is the only thing that even kind of makes sense?” Hearing himself say that out loud, he laughs nervously, “And that is really saying something about what is happening to us isn’t it? That _that_ would seem like the most logical answer?

“I can’t even imagine being away from you. I don’t want this date to end. I’m already dreading it, and that’s simply not like me, Blaine. It’s like the longer we’re in each other’s company, the stronger it becomes. We both know what that felt like earlier in the lobby, what it feels like now—there is no denying it. 

“But I am not afraid, not like I was this morning or last night. We have a long way to go, a long way, but let’s accept the fact that this goes against the normal, perhaps socially acceptable, dating time tables. And then let’s also give each other a place for our feelings to be safe between us without worrying if they are right? A place to laugh, to cry—and we seem to do that a lot—scream if we need to, be overwhelmed, be in awe, adore, stare, hug, or whatever else we want to do to express how we feel. I will be your safe space if you will be mine while we navigate through this.”

Blaine turns his head and whispers, “Again, I ask, how are you real?” Kurt chuckles and kisses Blaine’s cheek.

“Kurt, I, I’m so tired of not living, of being alive but not awake. I feel like I’ve been in a fog the last few years, and all of a sudden, you literally knocked me upside the head and brought the sunshine, and it’s in glorious technicolor. I don’t want to be afraid anymore, either. And I’m not going to worry about how this ends. **I** ** _can’t._** I don’t want to be so consumed by the possible ending that I miss living the beginning.”

Kurt hugs Blaine tighter. He can’t even fathom the strength it’s taking Blaine to come this far in such a short time after what he’s been through. “I’m glad you aren’t afraid anymore, Blaine, but even if you are, it would be okay, honey. You know that, right?”

“I don’t want to be Kurt. I don’t. And honestly? It almost feels like it’s out of our hands, doesn’t it? Like last night was the choice? We still had a choice last night, and it was very much up to us. But now I feel like something deeper inside of me has taken over. I just need to get out of its way and go along for the journey?”

Kurt kisses Blaine’s shoulder. “I think I understand what you mean. Like if we could get out of our own way, it would be so easy to love each other fully?”

“Yes, exactly!” Blaine says. He positively beams from feeling so understood. “And I have never felt like I’ve had a safe space with someone to truly be myself, but I do with you, Kurt. I don’t know how it’s happened so quickly? But you seem to understand me better than anyone ever has. It would mean everything to me if you felt safe with me too, Kurt. So yes, of course, I’ll be your safe space.”

“Thank you, honey,” Kurt softly replies.

They let the silence and the promises fall over them for a few minutes.

“You’re freaking hot when you speak another language, by the way,” Kurt whispers directly in Blaine’s ear. His lips are brushing against the lobe, sending shivers through both of them.

“Kurt! Behave yourself!” Blaine sweetly chides. “Not only are we in public, baby, and you are getting me all hot and bothered, but it was YOUR idea to wait until date nine to be able to kiss your unspeakably beautiful mouth.”

“Sigh, I know, I know,” Kurt mumbles. “I severely underestimated our chemistry.”

“We both did, I think,” Blaine answers. “But you were absolutely right and so smart to suggest it. Because I don’t think it would be wise for us to be tangled up together, adding even more heat to all of these already intense feelings. We’d never resurface. Besides, I think the build-up will be worth it, don’t you? It’s nice to know it’s not on the table right now and enjoy the flirting and small touches. And you said no kissing on the mouth, right? So that means I can do this?” He finally sits up, pulling Kurt into his arms, kissing him multiple places all over his face and under his chin.

“Yes, yes-s-s, you’re right. I did say not on the mouth, and that wasn’t an accident,” he smirks. “But don’t you think we’ve pushed this as far as we should in the library? I mean, those are glass walls anyone can stand there with their noses pressed against the glass watching us.” 

“You’re right, you’re right,” he pulls back with a final kiss to the tip of Kurt’s nose. He looks at his watch; we have the room for another fifteen minutes, right? Until seven? Should we finish up our scavenger hunt books? I was enjoying it.”

“Yeah, before you overwhelmed my mind and heart by reading children’s books to me in several languages, turning me into a pile of gooey emotion.” Kurt kisses Blaine’s nose this time. For the hundredth time today, they are lost in each other’s eyes for a few moments before one of them clears their throat, and they get back to their books. 

The conversation picks right back up again. When they both pull a Harry Potter book from their pile, they roll their eyes as if to say, “of course,” and dive into a discussion for the remainder of their time. 

As they leave the library, they are still talking about the books, the poetry, the places they’ve always dreamed of visiting. It’s so easy between them, sharing freely. It’s a testament to their growing relationship that their age difference isn’t brought up once. 

Blaine ponders the idea that Kurt is more mature than most of his friends, and he wonders if he’s even more mature than himself. He truly is an old soul, and that brings Blaine peace. In some strange way, it makes him feel so much safer with his heart in Kurt’s hands. Because he can’t deny it, not after today, he hopes he’ll never get it back.

They eat at a local little hole in the wall restaurant that Kurt loves. As they are both moaning about how delicious the street tacos and imported sodas from Mexico are, Blaine asks him how he knows about this place.

“Oh! I actually live close by. I eat here all the time.” 

Blaine does a double-take. “Wait, you live close by here? But Kurt, you work for Vogue and go to school in the city? I thought you just wanted to meet at this library because of its history, and it was out of the city, so you were trying to pick somewhere discreet? Which thank you for that, by the way.”

“Well, everything you said is true, I do work in the city and go to school there, and that _is_ why I picked this library. I could have as easily gone into the city to meet you, but I figured this one would be better for you, but yeah, this is where I live.”

Blaine sits staring at Kurt thinking, but for once, Kurt can’t tell about what. 

“Penny for your thoughts?” Kurt finally says.

“Oh! Sorry, my mind was all over the place, wondering how you decided to live out here? Praying to any god listening to keep you safe. And then oddly feeling like now that I know you live out here, and not in the city, that you are going to feel too far away from me when I go to bed tonight. That last part being part of those overwhelming feelings that are safe to say out loud in that safe space we talked about?”

“Of course, honey,” Kurt says sweetly. “And since I have to wait for three whole dates to get your story, I might as well tell you mine first, right?” He teases. Blaine goes a little pale and looks at Kurt sheepishly. “I’ll give you the cliff notes version, and then you can ask me anything you want, okay?”

Blaine nods, his face lighting up.

“I was born and raised in a little town called Lima, Ohio,” Kurt isn’t even through the sentence when Blaine interrupts him. 

“You can’t be serious? You are from Lima, Ohio? As in Lima, Ohio, Ohio, Lima, Ohio? Home of the McKinley Titans, precisely two hours from well, never mind, but THAT Lima, Ohio?”

“Okay, Blaine, you are freaking me out right now, but yeah, THAT Lima, Ohio.” 

“Of course you are,” Blaine looks highly amused. “I’m sorry, keep going, baby, this is your story.”

Kurt raises an eyebrow at Blaine with a look that Blaine laughs at and wants to kiss simultaneously. He loves Kurt’s facial expressions so much.

“I assume that you’re going to keep being handsome and mysterious and not explain yourself about how you know all about Lima?”

“You know me so well already, love! Now keep going with your story, please. I’m sorry I interrupted,” Blaine says as he taps Kurt’s ankle a few times under the table where, of course, their feet are all tangled up together while they eat. 

“Oh sure, geez Blaine, now I have a million questions, but okay back to the story. Here we go. As I was saying, I was born and raised in THAT Lima, Ohio, and it was a living hell for me. Actually, you know what? We can get into that at some other time.” 

Blaine looks at Kurt with a raised eyebrow and a deep look of concern but doesn’t interrupt.

“Anyway, I was determined to get out of there, and so one of my friends, her name is Rachel, and I applied to the New York Academy of the Dramatic Arts, aka NYADA. I didn’t get in for the fall semester. Again, let’s get into that another time; it was an absolute scandal! But, through a series of unbelievable events, I was able to audition at the Winter Showcase and got in for the spring semester.”

Blaine can’t help it; he interrupts again, “Okay, wait you auditioned AT the Winter Showcase? Ms. Tibeduax allowed that? And you go to NYADA? Holy hell, Kurt, you must be amazing.”

Kurt stares at Blaine sizing him up. He is freaking out right now. How does Blaine seem to know so much about his life? Or enough that Blaine’s life seems to run parallel to his?

He shakes his head, no. “I mean, I am amazing, of course, I am, obviously,” as he waves over himself, laughing. “But no, I don’t go there. I did go there. I graduated from NYADA in three years. I worked exceptionally hard and took every extra semester of classes I could in the summer to finish early and to make up for the semester I missed.

“I decided I also wanted to do fashion design, so then I applied to Parsons, and I’m in my final semester there. I’m graduating in a few months. I’ve worked as an intern at Vogue almost the whole time. Isabelle and I became close friends. After I graduate, she’s offered me the job full time. I can finally lose that ‘intern’ title that was necessary so that I could get class credit for my time there.”

Blaine is looking at Kurt like he’s worshiping him. It’s a look Kurt has never seen directed at himself before; it makes him blush profusely. 

“What?” he finally says.

“I just don’t know that you will ever stop surprising me in all the best ways possible, Kurt,” Blaine says in awe. What he **_wants_** to say is, “If I didn’t believe in soulmates before I do now. It’s like someone knew exactly what I needed in my life and then handed me you.” It’s not that he’s afraid to say it. It’s that he got a three-date reprieve from having to share who he is, and it feels nice just to be “Blaine Blaine.” To know that Kurt has no idea who he is, so there can be no ulterior motives, feels absolutely amazing. He wants it to last a little bit longer, so for now, he keeps silent. 

“Well, I’m glad,” he blushes. “I’m still freaking out that you seem to know so many random facts about things that intersect with my life, though.”

Blaine laughs lightly, “I don’t know as much as you think, I promise. And not to change the subject, my love, but none of this explains why you live out here, no matter how delicious the tacos are.”

“Oh, right, we got sidetracked there. So my friend Rachel and I were able to get a huge loft down here for a fourth of the cost of student housing, so we jumped on the chance. Sure we spent a lot of time on the subway, but we used it to study, I still do actually. But the loft had little privacy, and we both were growing up, you could say. And then she got cast as Fanny Bryce on Broadway, so we decided to get our own places. I found a tiny little studio apartment that I could afford on my own close to where our old loft was. The only way I could have moved to the city would be to sublet a room, and I was tired of not having my own space. I needed to feel independent for a while, so here I am, and most of the time, I feel safe enough.” 

After dinner, they take a stroll to the park and walk for a little while. It feels good after sitting in the library and at dinner for so long. However, it’s not Central Park, so they soon run out of sidewalk. They find a bench to sit on and talk for another two hours. It’s past midnight when they both start the long process of saying goodbye. Holding each other in a tight embrace, they nuzzle each other’s necks, taking turns, leaving lingering kisses under each other’s ears, keeping things simple. Not only because they are in public, but because they’ve made a promise to each other, and they intend to keep it. Truthfully, the innocence of it makes it all so much sweeter and tender. Eventually, they each make it into a cab (Blaine insists that Kurt not walk home alone) and promise they’ll see each other soon. They both know that it won’t be soon enough.

\------~----~------

Ten minutes later, a curly-haired man is lost in his thoughts as he takes a long cab ride back into the city. He thinks about this insanely talented, gorgeous man that seems like an angel from heaven that came to save him. But no, he knows that it isn’t quite right. Kurt would never do that. Kurt somehow intuitively knows that saving someone else isn’t possible. You have to choose it. You have to stand up and take your life back yourself, one small decision at a time. But, Kurt will undoubtedly stand by his side as he saves himself. Kurt is the ray of sunshine illuminating the path back to a life full of hope, and joy, and love, and trust. And there it is, isn’t it? Kurt will be by his side as he learns how to trust himself and other people again, and for the first time in two years, he knows it will happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for the Chapter: Masturbation
> 
> Things are moving fast for our boys :) but their timeline is **based on a true story** that I know very well /wink. Plus, the whole point of this story was to get us past the BS so we could enjoy a story about KLAINE! xoxox
> 
> I also wanted to acknowledge that the Filipino heritage and the language thing is based on DC, rather than Blaine, but I feel canon Blaine's family history is sorely lacking and that this wouldn't necessarily be too far from accurate especially at the age he is in this story. Plus, this is an AU so really anything goes.
> 
> You can find artwork and related posts to this chapter on my Tumblr page GleefulPoppet, I'll be adding things over the next month.
> 
> Thank YOU for reading, it's been fun to share this story with you so far. And thank you to JayhawkWwrites who was kind enough to beta this for me!
> 
> [Click Here to See Larger on Tumblr](https://gleefulpoppet.tumblr.com/post/631636158198202368/pressed-against-the-glass-chapter-5-aesthetic)


	6. Sunday: The Way You Turn Me On

Kurt is having the most tantalizing dream when he is suddenly, and very rudely, woken up from it by a buzzing sound. It takes him a good twenty seconds to work out that it’s his phone on the nightstand. When he picks it up he realizes that it’s the second day in a row he’s woken up to a text from Blaine and he’s pretty sure he’d be happy to wake up this way for the foreseeable future. 

**B: Good Morning, Sunshine  
**K: Morning, honey. How are you?  
**B: Wonderful. But missing you  
**K: Miss you too  
**B: My family thing was canceled ;) any chance you’re free today?  
**K: For you? Of course! I have a few things I need to get done for school but nothing major  
**B: Are we ridiculous? I want to see you now  
**K: We are ridiculous, absolutely no question  
**B: Can I Facetime you? I want to see you all freshly woken up  
**K: LOL oh Blaine, if you only knew. But yes you can

Kurt’s phone lights up not even a second later and his face does too. He presses the accept button and rolls on to his side, pulling the covers up to his shoulders, snuggling into his bed with the phone propped up on the pillow adjacent to him.

“Hi,” Blaine says. He’s in his bed laying in a similar position, a mess of wild black curls against his pillow, a burgundy t-shirt barely showing where the covers are pulled down a bit. Kurt stares. How can someone be that gorgeous even with fabric wrinkles pressed into his cheek and his eyes still a little sleep swollen?

“Hello,” Kurt says. He doesn’t even care what he looks like right now, his hair is probably sticking up in ten different directions. He can count on one hand the number of men who have seen him like this, including his dad. And to anyone else that might not seem like much, but to Kurt Hummel it’s a testament to how hard he’s falling for Blaine.

“You are so beautiful. Look at you, Kurt.” 

“Have you seen yourself, Blaine? You keep asking me how I’m real, but I have to keep pinching myself to make sure this isn’t some elaborate dream—I’m going to be bruised from doing it so often. You are gorgeous and your curls drive me absolutely wild. And I’m very much not able to filter my thoughts apparently,” he giggles. “I just woke up.”

Blaine laughs, “You should have seen my hair in high school and my first few years of college. I gelled, like a lot. And when I say a lot, we’re talking uncrackable helmet hair, honey.”

“Oh, no, please say it isn’t so!” Kurt says in mock horror his eyes going wide and laughing. 

“I’m afraid so, love, I’m afraid so.”

And the conversation just takes off from there. They talk for over an hour about nothing at all and yet it’s everything at the same time. At one point Blaine had Kurt laughing so hard that he was crying and then they joked about the tears they’ve shed between them in just a few short days, at least these were from laughter. 

“Baby, I’m getting so hungry. You want to meet for breakfast?” Blaine says as he stretches his arms high above his head trying to work out some of the stiffness from laying there for so long.

Kurt stares appreciatively at Blaine’s bare arms. He’s never seen them before, they are usually covered in long sleeves, seeing all that skin and muscle makes his mind go fuzzy but he realizes he should answer.

“Oh, yes! I can get ready and meet you somewhere?”

Blaine fist pumps the air, Kurt vaguely wonders if he realizes he saw him do that.

Blaine scoots up a bit in bed and asks, “Do you want to go on a date afterward? Just tell me what time you need to be home to finish your schoolwork and I promise I’ll make it happen.”

“Thank you, I appreciate that. And yes, I’d love to go on a date with you, sweetheart.”

“Okay, let’s meet at The Caramel Bakery & Diner. Do you know where it is? It seems about halfway between us?”

“Ohhh! Caramel cinnamon rolls with extra pecans are in my future,” Kurt says excitedly.

“I love your enthusiasm for life. Okay, I’ll see you there in an hour? And wear good walking shoes.”

“I can do that. See you in a bit!”

“Bye, love,” Blaine presses the button that ends the call. He lays there for a few minutes lost in his thoughts about Kurt.

\------------------------------

Breakfast was going perfectly. The conversation is engaging and the food divine. That is until Blaine finds himself biting his lip and digging his fingers into his right thigh. His left hand is supporting his chin, elbow on the table because he feels dizzy. His eyes are darker than normal, betraying the thrum laying just underneath his skin and he wonders if anyone else can hear his rapidly beating heart. 

“ _Mmmm, mmm, mm,_ ” Kurt moans as his tongue darts out to lick the tip of one of his long fingers, sticky with caramel where he’s been holding his cinnamon roll. His eyes are closed and he’s so lost in the moment that he’s completely oblivious to what he’s doing to Blaine.

“I’m not going to survive this,” comes out in a cracked whisper from Blaine’s watering mouth.

Kurt’s eyes fly open as if he realizes what a spectacle he’s making. When he sees Blaine’s face, his whole body shivers in response. The way he’s looking at him with such hunger, the pulsing vein in the side of his neck, the way he’s biting his lip. He presses his legs together tighter against Blaine’s knees and ankles under the table. Their eyes are locked and lost in the depths of each other, offering silent confirmation about how they both feel.

“Sorry, honey. It's just delicious and I couldn’t help it.” Kurt finally offers after a minute. The mischievousness playing around his eyes, however, betrays his true emotion.

“Oh, I know, Kurt. That is what is so hot about it, you can’t help yourself. You just have this way of enjoying life that I admire so much. And please don’t apologize, **_ever_** , for being you. But my hell honey, it’s all I can do to not reach across this table and kiss that sticky caramel right off your lips.”

“ _Mmm_ , I’d like that.” Kurt’s eyes close for a moment while he pictures the brush of warm lips pressing against his, the faint smell of caramel and cinnamon between them. The way their tongues would taste and be so wet and warm. The way he knows Blaine’s hand would slide up his neck to support his head while they explored each other’s mouths and he moans again.

“Not helping, baby. Not helping,” Blaine is tapping his foot rapidly now.

Kurt slowly opens his eyes from the glorious daydream a blush rising high on his cheeks, “You’re right. I should finish this so we can get some fresh air.”

As they exit the diner ten minutes later, Blaine pulls Kurt into a hug and nestles his head into Kurt’s neck for a few minutes while he rubs the other side of Kurt’s neck lightly with his fingers. Kurt holds Blaine tightly in his arms, resting his head on Blaine’s, the faint smell of raspberry and spices from his curly hair invading his senses.

“Feel better?” Kurt asks when Blaine starts pulling back from him.

“Yeah, I just—” 

“What is it, honey?”

“You still feel this pull right? I know we talked about it yesterday but—I, I, I’m fine waiting to kiss you, I’ve told you I think it adds to the romance and the build-up. I actually love that we have this sexual tension and all the flirting, it’s exciting,” his smile brightens for a moment but then a distant look comes over his face and his eyes seem to go dull. “But do you feel that other pull as strongly today? I’m worried that I...” and then he goes silent and still.

Kurt wraps his arms back around Blaine and pulls him in as tight as he can, he has no idea what has Blaine worried but he feels the need to reassure him. He kisses him on the cheek and then pulls his head back far enough that he can look into Blaine’s eyes. “Oh, Honey Bee, I feel it stronger than yesterday. Every time I see you it pulls harder.” Kurt can feel Blaine relax in his arms. “But, I need you to talk to me. What has you worried? Is this too much too fast? Should we hold off on our date today? Do you need some space?”

Blaine flinches, his body going rigid. Kurt can feel that he’s holding his breath. 

“Bee? Honey, talk to me.” Kurt looks up and down the street trying to find somewhere they can sit for a few minutes but there isn’t anywhere to go and it was way too loud inside the restaurant to go back in. 

“Hey, let’s walk down the street. There are fewer people and you can gather your thoughts.” 

Kurt untangles them and takes Blaine’s hand as they start walking down the tree-lined street. Kurt can feel the buildings looking down on him, surrounding him, making him feel like everything is closing in on him. He has no idea what is going on but Blaine’s silence has him scared. He’s afraid Blaine is going to try to push him away again and he’s not sure why. He spots some stairs he didn’t see earlier and has never been so grateful.

“Let’s sit on the stairs for a bit, yeah? Until a cute little old lady with wild purple hair and her Pekingese need to exit the building for a walk on this beautiful day.”

Blaine chuckles at that, the first sound he’s made in the last few minutes, and squeezes Kurt’s hand in response.

“It is a beautiful day,” Blaine says as they sit down next to each other. Kurt slides his hand around Blaine’s waist and holds one of his hands in the other.

“I’m very sorry I had a moment back there.”

“You don’t have to apologize, safe space remember? Take as much time as you need, but if you can talk to me about this, I really want to know what has you worried.”

“Kurt, I—” he takes a deep breath and tries again. “Kurt, I haven’t really dated anyone for the last two years. I know I told you that, but I’ve held people at a distance in general as I’ve been working on my trust issues. I was so completely devastated and it’s been hard to let anyone near me at all. Before, before the breakup, I was a very tactile, affectionate person. It actually bothered Connor a lot, sometimes he called me clingy and I just thought I was because I needed to touch more than he ever did. He once called me a ‘cuddle whore’ towards the end.”

Kurt pulls Blaine into his side tighter and leans his head on top of Blaine’s. His face is turning red with heat as his heart rate picks up. The few snippets he’s heard about Connor in their passing conversations the last few days make Kurt’s blood boil. He takes a deep breath though because getting pissed off at Connor isn’t going to help Blaine right now. 

“Anyway, that isn’t the point. Therapy has helped me a lot to see that Connor was very manipulative, but we can get into that some other time. Whew, okay, deep breaths back to the point. What happened back there, Kurt, was me freaking the hell out about how much I feel like I need to be near you. Not because I need my space, it’s the exact opposite. When we’re together, we’re always touching and I love it so much and I feel like I can’t get enough of it.” 

Kurt is rubbing Blaine’s back, and rubbing his thumb over Blaine’s hand gently while he talks. Trying to reassure him, letting him know that this is a safe space for him to talk. 

Blaine takes a deep breath and lets it out slowly. “I’m talking in circles here without telling you anything. I have something called touch-starvation. It’s a response my body is having from the last two years and I’ve been working on it as best as I can the last few months. The trust issues make it difficult, but that is what caused it in the first place. So I’ve been getting massages and some other physical therapy to help with it.

“Your touch, Kurt, is literally healing for me, and I, I, I, this is so hard. I don’t want to take that from you anymore without you knowing that. And yet I didn’t want to put that kind of pressure on you either because it’s not your responsibility to heal me. Add on top of that, we have this ridiculous sexual chemistry. Then if all of that isn’t enough for us to deal with, we have this magnetic force working between us too—this soulmate bond that seems to be melding our souls together whenever we’re close enough. The force of that pull calls to me even when we aren’t together, which makes me miss you so much it _seems_ borderline unhealthy. And then let’s just add on top of that that I have a trauma-based fear of being too clingy and it’s confusing for me to separate it all. I’m worried that I’m projecting all of this desire and need to be close into the situation because it’s what **_I_** need and want.” 

Kurt pulls his hand out of Blaine’s, brings it up to Blaine’s face, pulling him gently to look at him, his forefinger rubbing Blaine’s cheek. 

“I am so grateful that you felt that you could share all of that with me. Let me assure you though, first thing, that at no point in the last few days have I ever thought you were being clingy, ever. I admit that I’ve wondered if I’ve been too clingy myself, so there we are. I’m not sure we’ll ever be able to get enough of each other, and you are not imagining the force of that pull. I miss you so much, too, when we aren’t together. And, Blaine, honey, you are definitely not imagining the chemistry. The time I spend in the shower before our dates is a testament to that,” he blushes and giggles as that slips out of his mouth.

Blaine’s eyes instantly light up at that, the sadness in his eyes turns bright and his cheeks rise with his smile—a wicked little laugh escapes. Kurt always knows when a little humor is needed. “Wait, what? Are you implying what I think you are implying Mr. Hummel?”

Kurt is inwardly ecstatic that Blaine seems to be coming back to himself, and that he could make him laugh. He can feel another blush creep up his neck as he answers, “Oh my darling, you have no idea.”

“Tell me. Please tell me,” he has a hungry look in his eyes.

Kurt’s head falls back as he laughs out loud. Blaine is staring at that long neck and his Adam's apple and he’s right back to where he was earlier, wanting to lean over and kiss Kurt silly.

“I may have to get myself off a few times before I see you so that I can attempt to keep myself under control when we’re together, honey. And yes, I’m thinking about you while I’m doing it. Does that weird you out?” 

“That is so damn hot, Kurt, geez. I hope that lady with her Pekingese doesn’t come out for a walk anytime soon. I need a few minutes to calm down. And wait, what do you mean a few times?”

“Are we really talking about this now? Oh my gosh,” Kurt laughs. “To be blunt, since I’ve met you, I can easily go two rounds—and I can't believe I'm going to admit this, but sometimes three depending on how imaginative I can get and other factors like how much sleep I’ve had.”

Blaine whimpers and his head falls heavily to Kurt’s chest as he shakes it back and forth. “And you really think about me?” he says muffled by Kurt’s shirt.

“I do, and at first I felt guilty about it. Especially the first time it happened. But, seeing your reaction I have a feeling I’m going to enjoy it even more now.”

“Oh, love, I want you to enjoy it. I am so not weirded out by it all. I am so turned on right now. Can I ask you, when was the first time?”

“Blaine… are you sure you want to know that answer to that?” Kurt can feel Blaine nodding yes against his chest. He can also feel how warm Blaine’s skin has gotten since he buried his head there a minute ago.

“It was the first night we met. I was laying in bed that night replaying the events over and over again, it didn’t seem real. I got to the part when I moved my finger up and down just a few times on your waist and there was a moan and a whimper. Do you remember that? I had no idea which one of those sounds I made but when I realized that you had to have been as attracted to me as I was to you, I was rubbing one out before I knew what was happening, and I was calling your name over and over again. It was one of the best orgasms I’ve had in my life.”

Blaine moans as his hand slides down to one of Kurt’s knees, he squeezes it trying to get himself under control but needing more contact with Kurt.

Kurt is still rubbing Blaine’s back, drawing random shapes.

“I have a few times too, Kurt. Are you okay with that? The first time was after our dinner Friday night. The way you stood up for yourself and fought to give us a chance. I couldn’t help it.”

“Oh bee, you can get off to me as much as you want. I’ll get off on you getting off on me and vice versa,” Kurt giggles at the thought. “And we can talk about all of this again when we have our sex talk. But for now, I think both of us need to cool down for a minute and I want to go back to your earlier concerns is that okay?”

Blaine nods yes against Kurt’s chest again and then lifts his head and leaves a lingering kiss on Kurt’s cheek.

“ _Mmmm_ , thank you for the kiss, Honey Bee,” Kurt says as he slides his arm back around Blaine’s waist. 

“I want to make sure that I understand what you told me so I’m going to repeat back what I heard. Will you tell me if I’m not understanding something correctly?”

“I will.”

“So you are touch-starved and I actually do know what that is. I dealt with that myself in high school, so I understand that this is a very real condition that you are dealing with, Blaine. And you have been getting physical therapy and massages to help with it? If I understand what you are saying, you are a very tactile person and because of what happened to you, you felt like you needed to withdraw from people for a while because you were hurt and scared, afraid to trust yourself and others. But that also means that you haven’t been able to meet your needs for physical affection, which is one of your love languages. Is that right?”

Blaine has tingles all over his body. This man is constantly trying to understand him, constantly trying to meet Blaine where he’s at and he feels so seen and so loved. “Yes, actually physical touch is my love language, Kurt. And everything else you said so far is correct, but I want to know about high school for you, you had this too?”

“I did, honey. Maybe not to this extent but I know what it is, and I promise you I will tell you everything you want to know about me, but right now this is about you. I want to understand this so I can support your recovery.”

“Thank you, love.”

“You also said my touch is healing for you, is that right?”

“Yes it is, but Kurt, that is the problem. I felt like I was taking that from you without you knowing. Like hiding underneath all of this chemistry and attraction I was secretly stealing those moments of comfort from you because it feels so good and I want to get better. It felt dishonest somehow.”

“Oh, Blaine. Okay, wow, that must be a very confusing feeling. I am so grateful you told me, honey. Because I don’t want you to ever think that you taking pleasure or healing from my touch could ever be a bad thing. You cannot steal something that is freely given to you. To hear you say that my touch is healing to you makes me feel so good Blaine, in many ways, it’s healing for me too. I grew up wondering sometimes if I would ever find someone who wanted me to touch them and here we are, healing each other.

“And Blaine, if you need more from me, just tell me! If we need to stop in the middle of the sidewalk for hugs, you tell me and I will hug you until your sides are sore. I am yours for the cuddling, honey.”

“I think I love you, Kurt Hummel,” Blaine says with a happy tone to his voice and the grin to match.

“I think I love you too, Blaine Blaine,” Kurt says as he leans down and rubs their noses together playfully.

There is just a moment of awkwardness at Kurt still not knowing Blaine’s last name. “And before we let that get awkward, Blaine, I know you will tell me everything about who you are when it’s time. I was fine agreeing to that then and I’m fine with it now. So don’t apologize, because I know that was coming next. And I’d like to bask in the tingly sensation in my tummy when you said that you think you love me.”

Blaine laughs and in an airy, silly voice says, “My tummy swooped and my heart leaped when you said it back, love.”

“We’re ridiculous, you know that?” They laugh bringing their foreheads together and spend a few minutes being quiet and still. Kurt is rubbing Blaine’s forearm lightly with his fingers and Blaine is rubbing his thumb over Kurt’s knee.

“Now just to make sure we’re on the same page before we get off these terribly uncomfortable steps where I’m sure both of our asses are totally asleep,” he bumps his shoulder into Blaine playfully, “would you mind telling me how you are feeling now? And repeat back to me what you heard me say to you. This is an important part of the way I communicate, Blaine, and it would mean a lot to me if you did. I don’t want you to think it’s patronizing, but I find it clears up so much misunderstanding before it happens.”

“Of course I will, Kurt. I’ve never talked to anyone like this before but I love this back and forth. I feel seen and safe and I want you to feel the same. I feel a million times better. I feel loved Kurt. You told me that I can have as much touch as I want, which I’m still processing, to be honest, but I’m excited by the idea of it. You also told me that the pull we are feeling and the chemistry is mutual and so I don’t need to worry about that. But if I ever am worried about it that we can talk about it as much as we need too. I also have some questions of my own, for you, about high school and why you felt like no one would want you to touch them, but I also understand that is a conversation for another time. Not because you don’t want to tell me but because right now you’re worried about me and our butts are asleep on these hard stairs.”

Kurt wraps Blaine up in a tight hug, “Thank you, Blaine. I’m glad you feel better and we can talk about this as long as you need to and any time you need to, okay?” 

Blaine nods his head yes against Kurt’s and squeezes him tighter. Then he jumps up from the stairs and offers his hand to Kurt to help him up.

“You are seriously the most amazing man I’ve ever met. Thank you for everything. And I’d love to continue talking about this, but can we do it while I take you out on a date now? It’s going to be weird and crazy but it’s one of my secret obsessions that I haven’t shared with many people.”

“Oh, I can’t wait, bee!”

Blaine calls them a cab. While they are waiting, they talk some more about some of the loose ends from their previous conversation. A few minutes later, they slide into the cab. Blaine gives the address to the cab driver by showing him his phone. Kurt gives him a strange look. “What? I don’t want you to know where we’re going, it’s a surprise! You’re going to either hate it or love it. I don’t think there will be a middle ground with you on this one.” 

Kurt just shakes his head and takes Blaine’s hand. They continue talking and with every mile they travel and minute that passes Blaine feels better and better. Kurt reassures him at every turn that all of these insane, overwhelming feelings are mutual and Blaine reassures Kurt that he will continue to talk to him when these complications arise for him. 

When they arrive at their location Kurt’s head falls back against the headrest of the taxi and shakes his head, Cheshire cat grin on his face and laughs. “This is just too much.” Kurt opens the door and they slide out, Kurt never letting go of Blaine’s hand.

Blaine’s face falls a little bit when he’s out of the cab, “What do you mean by ‘too much’? Do you hate it already? I should have asked first.”

“No, no, it’s not that, Blaine! It's just I feel like our lives have been running parallel more than we know. First, you know about Lima and Carmen and Winter Showcase and now you’re bringing me here to my favorite vintage flea market on a Sunday morning like it’s your best kept guilty pleasure when it’s already mine.” 

Blaine’s eyebrows wrinkle and the way he’s looking at Kurt, you can almost see the cogs turning in his head. He finally rolls his eyes and says, “Why, why are we even surprised at this point? This soulmate thing is not messing around with us is it?”

“No it’s not, but I can’t wait to see this place through your eyes. I love it here and I’ve never had anyone to share it with that ‘gets it,’ you know?”

“Well, I’m the lucky one then! Shall we jump right into the fray Mr. Hummel?”

“Oh, lets!”

Blaine leads Kurt down a few of his favorite aisles, vendors that have been here every weekend since forever, some Kurt has stopped at before others he’d never really noticed before. He’s fascinated to see how Blaine lights up, talking about the treasures or talking to the booth owners. Blaine is downright charming and people love him. He has impeccable manners and makes everyone feel important. Kurt is positively in love with that character trait. It’s not often you can find someone who treats everyone equally, but Blaine sure does and it makes Kurt want to be even better than he is.

As they walk Kurt can tell Blaine is getting excited about something and when they turn a corner, Blaine almost squeals in delight. Kurt can tell he’s holding back. “What has you so excited, honey?”

Blaine tugs on his arm and they walk up to a booth that is overflowing with records. There are boxes of records everywhere; on the floor, the tables, in a small tent to the side, spilling into the aisles and the guy running the booth has his arms full of them too. Kurt could swear that Blaine just turned into a sixteen-year-old he’s so giddy, the joy radiating off of him is contagious.

“You love vinyl records, Blaine?”

“Yasssss! Records are my drug of choice. When I get to come here it makes me so happy. The thrill of the hunt, touching all of this history, finding new artists, looking at the artwork on the covers, it thrills me, Kurt.” 

“I can see that. Share it with me? I want to see it through you.” Kurt lets go of Blaine’s hand, he can tell he’s itching to dive into the records. He moves to step behind him and puts his hands on Blaine’s hips from behind and whispers into his ear, “Show me, bee.”

Blaine turns his head and kisses Kurt’s cheek tenderly and then plunges in, pulling records out at random and telling Kurt about some of them. He seems to know exactly what he’s looking for, what interests him. He has so many stories about so many of the artists, Kurt is beyond impressed. But even more than that he can’t believe how happy Blaine sounds. It’s like the weight of the world has been lifted off his shoulders and Kurt wishes he could see Blaine’s eyes right now. He wonders if some of the heaviness he carries there is gone too. He makes a mental note that Blaine needs more of this in his life and Kurt hopes with all his heart he’s around in Blaine’s future to make sure he gets it. 

And the truth of it is that Kurt couldn’t be any happier either, he loves music. For so much of his life, music was his religion in some ways. Without the glee club, he would not be where he is today. It saved him. It put him on the road to New York, to NYADA, and eventually to Blaine. Yes, Kurt is very happy to stay here as long as Blaine wants.

In the end, they end up staying in the record booth for almost two hours. When they leave arm in arm, Blaine is carrying his bag of six carefully selected records. He was meticulous in his testing of them, there was a record player there to try the records and they played them all. It didn’t escape his notice that the owner knew Blaine by name either. By the time they left, Kurt had an even deeper appreciation of music than he had before and he knew he had a deeper appreciation for Blaine as well. He had loved every minute of it. 

For the rest of the afternoon, they perused the flea market. Blaine got to see what made Kurt’s world go round, too. He could go on and on about vintage scarves and clothing and the way he would “‘ooh and aah” over the cuts on vintage suits. there were even a few times Blaine got a good chuckle at Kurt turning his nose down at some knock offs of his favorite designers. And when Kurt found a vintage airplane brooch at the bottom of a costume jewelry bin, that he couldn’t stop gushing over, Blaine bought it for him in a heartbeat. “I get a $25 budget for these dates, Kurt. I’m buying it for you, so don’t start.”

“Well, thank you, honey. I do love it so much.”

“You’re very welcome, Sunshine. Now, I’m starving, you?”

  
“Yes let’s eat and I wouldn’t mind sitting for a little bit, too.”

They found a small place to eat and as they sat with their legs all tangled up as per usual. They chatted about the market and even pulled out a phone (with mutual consent to have an electronic device out during a date, which they both usually find to be reprehensible) to research some information about being touch-starved, so they could talk about some of the different things they could do together to help Blaine. They had been talking about it on and off all day. It felt good to be able to keep up a conversation without it getting awkward even with all the interruptions of the market. 

“I appreciate you doing this for me Kurt, but I just want to make sure you know that what I want most from you is you being able to just be you. Don’t let this become your responsibility or worse, an obligation. I couldn't live with that. I want you so bad on so many levels. I want to crawl inside your brain—it inspires me so much. I want to jump into your heart—it moves me. And I definitely want in your pants—someday,” they both burst out laughing at that. “So this touch stuff is under so many other levels. It’s just a bonus, a blessing for me to be sure, but I never want it to be more important than any of those other three things in your mind or mine.”

“Thank you for telling me, Blaine. Can I ask you a question here for clarification?”

“Of course you can, love.”

“The next date is mine to plan and I think I’m ready to have you over to my house. I think it would do us both a lot of good to have some privacy to be able to hug and hold each other. Maybe even lay down together, cuddle on the couch, or whatever. Give this intense pull some dedicated time to work between us. Is that something you would want? Would you feel like I was trying to fix you or would it help? Because I never, ever want you to feel like I’m trying to fix you, that isn’t my job, Blaine, or my intention. I just want to support you in your recovery.” 

Kurt squirms in his chair for a second and Blaine notices that his brow furrows for a moment before he starts talking again. “And also... I'm definitely craving some alone time with you, but having you in my home for the first time is going to make me feel vulnerable. I need to make sure we can keep the sexual tension under control as we promised. Because I, I—I’m not ready for more yet, but I feel desperate to be held by you.”

“Kurt, okay, first, of course, we can keep it under control. I may want you and this chemistry is intense, but I would never, ever, ever want you to do something you aren’t ready for, and I mean that. You have to be honest about your boundaries with me Kurt because I want to respect them. If I ever do _anything_ that makes you even remotely uncomfortable you have to tell me, you promised me you would.” Blaine raises an eyebrow sincerely at Kurt and gives him a questioning look. 

“I will. You have done nothing wrong. I just needed to make sure you knew how I was feeling about it.” Blaine nods in agreement and leans over and kisses Kurt sweetly under his ear. 

“And second, with that being said, I don’t think you are trying to fix me. Frankly, I’m astounded that you even recognize that at your age, I certainly didn’t. I think it’s something we should check in with each other about often though, yeah? And third, I think you are right. I think that the best thing we could possibly do after how intense it’s been the last few days is to spend some time holding each other now that we are more comfortable around each other and understand better what is going on. I think it will help and I definitely would love it.”

All the tension in Kurt’s face disappears, “Thank you, Blaine. So we’re on the same page here I think?” 

“I would say we are, yes.” Blaine reaches up and brushes his fingers across Kurt’s right cheekbone. “It feels surreal to me sometimes that it’s only been a few days.” Kurt hums in agreement while he closes his eyes and leans into Blaine’s touch for a few moments.

When he finally opens his eyes he says, “So, Blaine Blaine, I would officially like to invite you over to my place, whenever you are free next. We’ve been so spoiled that we met so close to the weekend, haven’t we? I have a feeling you aren’t usually this free. Not that I have any room to talk between school and work.”

“Yes we were lucky we’ve had this, but then again the universe seems to have our backs doesn’t it? Should we be a thoroughly modern couple and pull up our schedules and see what we can work out for this week?”

As it turns out their schedules aren’t as different as they feared, at least for this week anyway, and if all goes well they might just be lucky enough to see each other every day. Blaine plans to be at Kurt’s apartment tomorrow at 6:00 PM sharp, where he will have five glorious hours of alone time with Kurt. They both agreed they need to cut their date off at 11:00 PM since they each have early morning obligations on Tuesday.

They walk hand in hand to the subway station that is close by because Kurt insists it’s an easy way for him to get home. He’s done it a million times and no Blaine does not need to come with him. How it’s four o’clock already, neither of them understands but he really does need to get home to finish up his schoolwork for the week. Even more so now that he wants to see Blaine as much as possible. And Blaine had promised him this morning he’d get him home early. Blaine wants to keep every promise he makes to Kurt. They hold each other tightly and kiss each other on the cheek before Kurt disappears down the stairs. 

\----~---------------------~---

In the back of his mind, a curly-haired man wonders if Kurt will ever allow him to have his car service take him home, or drive them around on their dates. Tomorrow is his last day of anonymity and then he’s got to tell Kurt everything. He tilts his head upwards and pleads once again to any god listening, _Please let it all be okay_. How do you tell someone who you are when you just want to be **_you_** with them? Without all that other stuff that seems so important to other people but isn’t important at all. Fame, fortune, awards, it’s all meaningless to Blaine. He just wants to love and be loved in return. Everything else is just extra, none of it can bring you happiness on its own. It’s wonderful of course, in so many respects, but extra. He wonders how that could change if he has Kurt to share it with though. He has a feeling Kurt would understand the “extraness” of it. Or he hopes he will, because the alternatives aren’t something Blaine wants to think about right now. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for the chapter: Mentions of masturbation, mentions a memory of a derogatory name said by an O/C, touch-starvation
> 
> A/N: The style of communication that Kurt asks Blaine for in the middle of this chapter is an amazing way to communicate with others in real life. Sharing your thoughts and asking the other person to repeat what they heard/understand to make sure everyone is on the same page. And I believe that Kurt and Blaine use the technique from here forward. However, as a writer and for you as the reader, chapter after chapter of that would become tedious (they have so many conversations to go!). So I wanted to set this up here, and hope that you as the reader will know that they often use it, but we won't revisit this style for the rest of the story. xoxo
> 
> You can find artwork and related posts to this chapter on my Tumblr page GleefulPoppet, I'll be adding things over the next month.
> 
> [Click Here to See Larger on Tumblr](https://gleefulpoppet.tumblr.com/post/631722479282520064/pressed-against-the-glass-chapter-6-aesthetic)


	7. Monday: Story of My Life

The day goes so fast Kurt feels like he’s in a tailspin. School had been chaotic. His senior project was going incredibly well, but one of his professors suggested that he change something and isn’t sure it’s aligned with his overall idea. One of the other professors decided that he would throw in a last-minute project, “Because art should mimic life, and last-minute deadlines teach real-world skills.” Kurt didn’t disagree, but surely getting a four-year degree in three years was teaching him enough about deadlines. 

Then the subway had been delayed, so he was late getting home. Luckily, he didn’t go into Vogue on Mondays, which is one of the reasons he invited Blaine over tonight. Although, he was excited to talk to Isabelle about Blaine. Wow, how much could change in just a few short days. He wonders what she’ll think about it all. 

That thought brings him to his current task. He had changed his Skype call time with his dad to earlier, and he only had a few more minutes before he needed to call. The entire time he’s been in New York, he’s only missed a handful of these calls. He didn’t think it would set a good precedent to skip the first one during this thing that was happening with Blaine. 

His only concern was how much he should tell his dad? Burt had supported him through everything in his life as best as he could. As they’ve gotten older, their relationship has only grown stronger. But how do you call your dad and say, “Hiya, Dad! I met my soulmate on Thursday. Yeah, I’m in love, and I’m pretty sure we’re going to get married and adopt cute little babies who need loving homes and probably get a dog too. Oh, he’s ten years older than me, and I don’t know his last name because he just wants to be himself and I know that doesn’t make sense, but it makes perfect sense in my heart because I think he’s from a wealthy family or a self-made millionaire and he wants me to love him just for him? How’s your week been?”

Apparently, that is pretty close to what you say.

When his dad answered the call, Carole was there too. They took one look at him, even through the computer screen, and smiled wide with knowing looks between them. 

“Wow, you look so happy, bud. What’s going on with you?”

“Well, umm, I may have met the man of my dreams,” his face goes bright red, but his smile could save the world. “He’s incredible. He’s older than me, so let’s just get that out of the way first thing. He’s thirty-four, and, and, you and Carole will understand this better than anyone, as you’ve both experienced it before, but I think he’s my soulmate. I don’t know how to explain it, but there is this pull there. It’s insane and wonderful and scary and peaceful all at the same time.” 

He proceeds to talk for the next fifteen minutes, barely taking a breath, filling them in on everything that has happened. He tells him about the pre-nuptial napkin, the contract, the fifteen dates, the milestone conversations, their dates so far, and snippets of their conversations. He doesn’t share everything about Blaine’s past. He doesn’t feel like it’s his place, and while he wants to confide in his parents, he doesn’t want to gossip; it’s not his story to tell. Someday, Blaine can share it with them, or he’ll have permission to share it on Blaine’s behalf. 

They listen openly, and when he’s done spilling his heart out to them, they tell him how happy they are for him and share some of their concerns. They ask lots of important questions. Burt wants him to text him after their date is over tonight. He just wants to make sure Kurt is safe. He trusts his judgment; Kurt has always been good at reading people. But what kind of dad would he be without asking this of Kurt when he’s having someone over, and they don’t know his last name? Kurt is not offended and appreciates their concern for him, so he promises he’ll text. 

He also reassures them, again, that he’ll know everything about Blaine in the next few days, and that he is at total peace with the gift of anonymity he gave Blaine for these few short days. They briefly mention the age difference and ask Kurt if he’s _sure_ he’s okay with it, but neither Burt nor Carole seem to think it’s strange at all that Kurt would find someone older. They tell them they are proud of him for the way he’s handled things, that he’s shown maturity, and more than anything, they can see how happy he is, and they support him. Before they hung up the phone, his dad had said, “Follow your instincts and listen to them. You have a good head on your shoulders, son.”

When they hang up the call, Kurt feels so much better. He had thought about not telling them, at least not yet. He just met this man, and it’s so soon in the relationship, but it didn’t feel right. Who wants to live with secrets and half-truths? It’s not good for the soul. And he also knew, just like he had with Mercedes, that he better start telling them now because things with Blaine were going to go fast. Either this will be over in the next few weeks when their dates are up, or it’s going to be forever.

Kurt looks around his studio apartment and, for the hundredth time, wonders what Blaine will think. It’s so tiny, but he’s proud of the way he’s taken care of himself in New York and knows he’s done the best he can. He fluffs a few pillows on the couch just one more time and then decides he better get in the shower and get ready or time is going to run out on him before Blaine arrives. 

Of course, using the word “shower” and “Blaine” in the same sentence, even just in his mind, has his cock very interested. He takes the hint, and he’s in the shower within minutes. Once he’s in, though, he takes his time. He thinks about their first meeting as he gently strokes himself, running a hand over one of his nipples. He thinks about Blaine walking into the library on Saturday and how it took his breath away. He starts pulling harder as he thinks about all of the kisses Blaine has left behind his ears and the tingles that go down his spine every single time. He reaches down and lightly massages his balls, while his other hand rapidly brings him closer to climax. And then he thinks about Blaine gently brushing his fingertips down Kurt’s cheek so many times yesterday in gentle reassurance that they were both on the same page. The phantom touch of Blaine's fingertips on his face has him crying out Blaine’s name as he comes hard with his back pressed against the glass of the shower. 

The thought of Blaine holding him for hours tonight brings him through a second one before the shower is over. Kurt hopes it’s enough to keep his cock happy and behaving for the rest of the night. Somehow he doubts it though; Blaine is just too gorgeous and intelligent. 

He looks in the mirror one more time before he goes out to finish dinner. He’s wearing his red jeans, loose enough to be comfortable for cuddling, but tight enough that they still make his ass look fantastic, and a navy blue shirt with a bold botanical print.

He hears a knock on the door. His heart starts racing, his palms get clammy, and his stomach has butterflies. He’s missed Blaine like crazy today. He makes himself take a deep breath and goes to open the door. Before he even knows what’s happening, he’s got a face full of Blaine’s raspberry and spice scented curls and arms wrapped around his waist. Kurt thinks he hears Blaine whisper, “Finally.”

“Well, hello to you too, stranger,” Kurt says with delight. He hugs Blaine back as hard as he can. He gently pulls Blaine inside the door and reaches over his shoulder to shut it. They stand there, embracing until Blaine says something.

“Hello, Sunshine. Geez, I missed you today,” he looks up at Kurt with a radiant smile. “You look so hot. I needed a minute to get myself together.” He starts laughing and buries his head into Kurt’s neck and kisses his favorite spot behind Kurt’s ear. 

“I missed you too, honey,” he pulls away from Blaine slowly so he can look at him. He’s wearing loose black slacks (Kurt internally snickers at that—they both had the same idea), a black and gray striped shirt with a black casual linen suit jacket. Kurt can’t help but admire this man’s impeccable taste; it makes his mouth water. 

“Would you like the grand tour? Then we can eat dinner, and after that, my darling Honey Bee, we can cuddle until we turn into pumpkins?”

“Sounds perfect, love.” 

“Tah-dah! You’ve taken the tour!” Kurt starts laughing as he moves out of Blaine's way so he can see his small studio. “Welcome to my home, Blaine Blaine. It’s tiny but perfect for me in this stage of my life. The bathroom is behind that door, there,” he points to their left.

“I love it, Kurt. I love that I get to see where you live! Thank you for trusting me to be here with you,” he moves behind Kurt and wraps his arms around his waist, setting his chin on Kurt’s shoulder, taking in all the details of the small space. “It feels like a home, Kurt, not just somewhere you live. Not many people have that. I feel overwhelmingly safe here. This might not make any sense, but it also feels like your hopes and dreams live here with you too, so you are never alone. You are an extraordinary man Kurt Hummel.”

Kurt tries to discreetly wipe away the two tears that have escaped from his eyes. Blaine has somehow put into words the thoughts and feelings he’s had about this space he’s made his own for the last several years.

“Thank you, Blaine,” Blaine can feel Kurt shaking, so he holds him tighter and rocks him gently back and forth for a minute.

“Does it really feel like a home to you?” Kurt whispers. 

“It does, love.”

“I’m glad you’re here with me, Blaine.”

“Me too, love. Me too,” Blaine peppers Kurt’s neck with a few kisses and then releases him from the tight hug.

As they eat the delicious pasta dinner Kurt made, they talk about their day. No detail is too small; they both want to hear everything. Kurt tells Blaine all about Parsons and his program, about his senior project, and how he’s set to graduate in December if all goes well. Blaine asks so many insightful questions, and Kurt is only too happy to answer them. He loves that Blaine cares about his schoolwork and what he’s doing there. When the last bites are scraped off the plates and their appetites filled, they get up and do the dishes together without even discussing it like they’ve done it a million times together before. When they are all dry and put away, Kurt kisses Blaine’s forehead.

“I’m going to brush my teeth. I don’t think I can enjoy any sort of cuddling unless I do first. And before you start panicking, I got you a new toothbrush, too, if you want it? Not because I think your breath smells, but don’t you hate that feeling when you really want to brush your teeth, and you don’t have a way to do it? So, there’s a new toothbrush for you on the counter, my good sir.”

Blaine puts his hands on Kurt’s cheek and pulls him down a bit so he can kiss his nose. “I think I love you, Kurt Hummel. I would love to brush my teeth. Thank you for being so incredibly thoughtful.”

Kurt giggles, “I think I love you, too, Blaine Blaine,” and he excuses himself to go freshen up.

After Blaine has done the same and comes out of the bathroom, Kurt grabs his hand and drags him the whole four feet into the living room. “Okay! So we have two options for our cuddle and chatfest. One, we can snuggle down on the couch, or two, we can pull the bed down and lay on top of it, so we have more room, but I don’t want that to be weird. Is that weird?”

“I vote to pull the bed down. It’s not weird, and we’ll be on our best behavior. Cross my heart,” Blaine makes the motion over his chest and smiles at Kurt. 

Kurt moves some pillows out of the way, scoots the coffee table over, and pulls the bed out. He’s a pro at this after years of doing it every night. He grabs a cup that has a whole bunch of tiny white papers in it and motions for Blaine to get on the bed with him. 

“I printed off a whole bunch of questions we could ask each other if you want to. We can do one, none, or some of them. I thought it might be fun while we’re cuddling.”

“Oh, sounds perfect, love. I have so many things I want to know about you, too, maybe we can just see where it all takes us?”

“Yeah—sounds g-g-good,” he stutters out. Kurt suddenly goes a little pale; his shoulders go rigid. 

It doesn't escape Blaine’s notice. He reaches out and cups Kurt’s face. “Kurt, talk to me. What’s happening right now?”

Kurt pulls away from Blaine’s touch without meaning to. He doesn’t even realize he’s done it. Blaine is mortified that maybe he has done something wrong. “Umm, Blaine, why the hell am I nervous all of a sudden?” He looks down at his hands and realizes he’s got a death grip on the cup of questions; he’s holding it like a shield between them.

“Baby, is me being on the bed, making you uncomfortable? Do you need me to get off, because I will be off here so fast if that is what you need?”

Kurt’s knuckles just go whiter around the cup, he’s clenching his eyes closed, searching his feelings as to what is actually going on here. What has him so scared and nervous? He’s been looking forward to this all day. Then, his mind goes back to the shower before Blaine came and how much he wants this man in front of him. Oh...oh... right, there it is. It’s not Blaine he’s scared of. He’s terrified that **_he’s_** not going to be able to cuddle with Blaine without getting hard and making it awkward. He isn’t ready for more yet, no matter how much his body wants it. He doesn’t even know Blaine’s last name yet. There is no way this is happening. On the other hand, the magnetic pull towards Blaine is so strong, and his soul is _begging_ to be held by Blaine. He wants to give in to his soul but not his body, but how?

He feels the bed dip and realizes that Blaine, being ever the gentleman with perfect manners, has gotten off the bed. 

“Sweetheart, when you’re ready to open your eyes or talk to me, I’m still here. I just moved in case that is what you needed. I’m right here, on the couch just a few feet away.”

Kurt can’t help it. He starts laughing, releases the death grip on the cup, and tilts his head back, continuing to laugh. He can’t open his eyes and face Blaine, not yet. “After some deep contemplation, searching my innermost thoughts and a good dose of freaking out, I’ve come to the authentic and embarrassing conclusion that you are hotter than hell, and I’m a horny twenty-four-year-old.”

Blaine can’t help but laugh at the absurdity that just came out of Kurt’s mouth. He was so not expecting that. “Okay...?” 

“This is our safe space, right? Even for our really embarrassing thoughts?”

“Of course, it is.”

“Okay, well, here is what set me off. There is absolutely no way in hell I’m going to be able to lay down on this bed with you, Mr. Hottie, and cuddle without getting all hot and bothered, thus trying to rut against you without meaning to. I don’t trust my body to behave around you. There is no way I can allow that to happen. I don’t even know your last name yet, which is fine, that isn’t the issue here, but— ”

Blaine isn’t laughing now. He’s got a sort of half-smile, half-frown, raised eyebrow thing going on with a little bit of looking at Kurt like a deer caught in the headlights. He has no idea what he’s supposed to say. As he’s about to open his mouth and insist he isn’t ready for it either and he would never ask Kurt for that until they know each other better, Kurt keeps talking.

“On the other hand, if we don’t lay down on this bed in the next few minutes and allow some bonding time, my soul has told me, in no uncertain terms, that I’m a cruel master starving it of your delightful company. And it’s going to wither away and die a horrible death without you. It can be a little dramatic at times, what can I say?”

Now Blaine is laughing, “Oh my gosh, Kurt,” he has no idea what he’s supposed to say now. 

“Any ideas? I mean, seriously, what were we thinking? We’re both going to be lying here worrying about getting hard all night. How is that going to be relaxing? And cuddling from the chest up is not going to cut it. I mean, am I right or am I right?” Kurt asks with a silly grin and a waggle of his eyebrows. There was just no way to get through this without humor, so he’s done his best. 

By now, Blaine has his head resting on the back of the couch trying to get some air, holding his stomach, he can’t even look at Kurt without bursting out laughing. “I mean, yeah, when you put it like that, what _were_ we thinking? I guess I just assumed we’d do the awkward shuffle of legs. The inevitable ‘oops sorry’ was bound to come up, no pun intended. Or, one of us would eventually, maybe, umm, need to excuse ourselves to the bathroom for a few minutes. I have no idea. Mostly I was just thinking about how much I want to hold you, but yeah, we are two grown men here with sexual experiences and an obscene amount of chemistry between us. It's not like our cocks are going to take a vacation, are they?”

“Nope,” Kurt says and pops the last syllable. 

Finally, they both look at each other, and it’s just not helpful. Another round of giggles and laughs ensue. Luckily, their souls are better at this than they are, and the universe hands Blaine an absolutely absurd, but ingenious idea; it is his turn to save the day after all. 

“How about this throw blanket?” Blaine’s face lights up with his epiphany as he pulls it off the arm of the couch.  
“Okay...but how is that…”

“We can leave it folded up and put it between us; it’s thick enough it should help lessen any unnecessary contact with our unruly cocks,” Blaine laughs again and winks at Kurt. This is the strangest conversation he’s maybe ever had, but he likes it. He’s starting to understand what real love between two people can look like. “We should be able to cuddle for hours and not have to worry about anything else but bonding. And hopefully, you’ll let me spend a few minutes kissing behind your ears at some point because I love the way you melt into my arms when I do that.”

“Oh, that sounds brilliant! The blanket and the ear kisses! I know it’s silly, Blaine, I do, but thank you for respecting my boundaries, honey.” 

“It’s not silly. I’m not ready either yet, Kurt. I want you to know that. I’m not expecting more from you. You made it very clear from the beginning, and I appreciate that so much. I respect you for understanding what your boundaries were before this even started. 

“I was going to say this earlier, but I appreciate what you did for me more than you will ever know. Letting me have these few dates to just be me, it’s been so—wonderful. But you are the one that has had to carry the trust in me to allow it. I can’t even fathom how much courage that has taken. So thank you a million times, thank you. And I’ll say it one more time before I get back up on that bed with you— if you feel uncomfortable again, at all, you tell me without hesitating. We can spend the night talking just like this, and I’ll still leave here a happy man. I just want to be near you and get to know you. It doesn't matter how we do it, okay?” 

“Thank you, honey, but I need you to come back up here now.”

Blaine crawls onto the bed, laying up against the pillows, drapes the folded blanket over his hips, and opens his arms out to Kurt. Kurt goes willingly, nestling right up into Blaine’s side, laying his head on his chest, draping his arm over his stomach and tangling one of his legs with Blaine’s.

For the first twenty minutes or so, neither of them say anything. They are just soaking in each other’s warmth, memorizing each other’s breathing patterns, listening to their heartbeats, delicately running fingers across each other. Eventually, Blaine rolls them over, making sure the blanket is securely over Kurt’s lap this time and nuzzles up into his neck, laying tiny kisses in patterns on his skin. Kurt’s fingers are playing in Blaine’s hair. When there are a few whimpers between them, Blaine stops kissing and lays down on Kurt’s chest, holding him tight around the waist. 

“It’s amazing how good this feels, isn’t it?” Kurt's voice is soft and full of bliss.

“It is. I keep thinking about how I just feel at home with you, Kurt. And the beat of our combined heartbeats seems to keep chanting ‘fi-na-lly’ to me.” Blaine taps out the rhythm to show Kurt, by tapping Kurt’s heart with his pinky finger once, then tapping his own chest with his thumb on the same hand, and then Kurt's again with his pinky finger.

tap, tap, tap—fi-na-lly—tap, tap, tap—fi-na-lly— tap, tap, tap 

He repeats this for a minute or two, allowing them both to reflect on it. “I know we’ve talked about it before, but it seems to be the word my soul most wants me to understand about us finding each other.”

“Mine too, Blaine. The pull is getting stronger as well, but it doesn’t feel so desperate now?”

“Yeah, I feel more settled than I have since Thursday. I think we needed this more than we realized.”

Now it’s Kurt’s turn to roll them back over, except this time he places himself between Blaine’s legs, so he’s fully laying on top of him. He slides his arms under each of Blaine's at his shoulders and slides his hands behind his neck to support it from behind. He presses kisses along Blaine’s neck and jaw a few times and then pulls him as close as he can to his body. They hold each other as tight as possible. Blaine loves the weight of Kurt’s body on him, the way it presses him into the mattress, he feels cocooned and safe. Kurt loves having Blaine underneath him, grounding him in the intensity of their feelings. When the electricity between them starts to change from their soul connection to their body’s wanting, Kurt gently pulls back, leaving a lingering, loving kiss on Blaine’s cheek. He rolls off of Blaine and grabs the questions from earlier and sets them next to him.

“You can be the big spoon if you want since you have the blanket, and maybe we can answer some of these questions?”

Blaine slides his arm under Kurt's neck and turns on his side, scooting up to spoon Kurt. He wraps his arm around his waist and starts tracing little patterns on his stomach. 

Kurt pulls the first question out of the cup. “What are your movie theater popcorn habits?”

Blaine chuckles against Kurt’s back. “I love movie theater popcorn, but I don’t put anything on it, just order it and eat it the way it is. I haven’t been to a movie theater in so long, come to think of it. We should do that sometime. I’d like that. What about you?”

“I don’t go to the movies that often either—we should definitely do that together. As for the popcorn, I like it straight out of the popper, too. I love it when it’s fresh and hot. But you have to be a gentleman and have napkins, of course. Once I went on a date to the movies, which I don’t think is a good first date choice, by the way, and the guy was wiping his hand on his pants. Needless to say, I can’t take that kind of clothing abuse, and I never saw him again.”

Blaine chimes in, “Of course. I mean, that is an absolute sin, those poor pants.”

“Right?” Kurt says, delighted that Blaine agrees with him. “Okay, next question. On a scale of 1-10, how strict were your parents?”

Blaine groans. “Okay, well—this one is loaded for me. My parents weren’t necessarily strict per se, but let's just say that their expectations were stifling in the extreme. In some ways, they still are, but I’ve learned to deal with it, mostly. I didn't have curfews and such, but knowing their disapproval was waiting for me was enough to keep me in line most of the time. I went to a boarding school, so I lived by those rules throughout high school.”

“You went to boarding school? I don’t think I’ve ever met anyone who went to one. I mean, when I was in Glee Club, we competed against a boarding school, Dalton Academy, but I never really met any of them. Did you like being away from home like that?” Little does Kurt know that behind him, Blaine is holding his breath and gone a little pale at the mention of Dalton.

“Yeah, I loved my time at school. It allowed me to be able to fully accept who I am. I gained a lot of confidence, and it was an exceptional education. I transferred there my sophomore year after a pretty traumatic experience; my parents didn’t want me in public school anymore. I know you are probably wondering what it was, it’s not something I talk about much, but I’ll tell you if you want me to?”

Kurt scoots back a little bit, pressing harder into Blaine and tugs the arm Blaine has around him closer to his chest, holding tight. “I do. I want to know everything about you, the good things and the bad and everything in between, but only if you are ready to tell me.”

Blaine takes a deep breath and continues to brush his fingers across Kurt’s chest now. “There was a Sadie Hawkins dance at my school, and there was only one other boy at my school that was out, so we decided to go as friends. There was nothing between us; we just wanted to be part of it, you know? But after the dance, while we were waiting for his dad to pick us up, these three seniors came and beat the living hell out of us. I was in a medically induced coma for a few days; my friend was worse off than I was. It was terrifying. It took me a long time to recover from that both physically and mentally, but I did.”

Kurt immediately rolls over and pulls Blaine into his arms. Blaine can feel Kurt’s warm wet tears falling between them. He’s long past needing to cry or be upset about this, but he is surprised by how much it touches him that Kurt seems to be upset. This man in his arms has such a compassionate, tender heart. “Baby, it’s okay. I’m okay, alright?”

“I just can’t stand the thought of someone hurting you like that, Blaine. And picturing you in the hospital, imagining you in a coma and all that equipment, I—” Kurt’s whole body quivers once as he holds tighter to Blaine.

“Shhh, shhh, love. It was a long time ago, and I’m here right now. We’re here together; it’s all okay, I promise.” He rubs Kurt’s back soothingly and peppers a few kisses on Kurt’s cheek, the salty taste of his tears wet and warm against his lips.

“I’m sorry, Blaine, I’m sorry.” He can’t help it, the sobs he’s been desperately trying to hold back, that are irrational in their intensity for this moment, burst out of his chest and claw their way up through his throat. The tears won’t stop. He feels on the verge of hysterical, and he can’t control it. He’s barely able to talk, the words are coming out of nowhere, and he’s stammering. “I’ve, I’ve, I’ve already lost my mother to cancer, I-I-I watched her disappear in front of my eyes as an eight-year-old boy—and a few years ago I watched my dad in a coma for days and thought I was going to lose him too. That I would be orphaned—it was hor-rib-le, and I’ve ne-ne-ver felt so all alone in my life. And then my step-brother he, he, he’s gone now too. And Bl-Bl-aine to picture you in a hospital in-in-in a co-coma, I, I, Blaine—Blaaaa-ine!” he continues to sob uncontrollably.

The way Kurt almost screamed Blaine’s name the last time he said it rips a grand canyon sized fissure through Blaine’s heart. This man has experienced so much loss in his young life already.

“I’m right here, honey. Just let it all out. You are safe here with me.” He rubs the back of Kurt’s neck and shoulders, rubs his arms, his back, trying to comfort him any way he can. “I’m here, honey, let it all out.” He’s not sure how many times he repeats that phrase, but it seems to comfort Kurt, so he’ll keep on saying it. Blaine holds Kurt for the next fifteen minutes, letting him soak the front of his shirt with his tears.

Kurt finally sits up after the tears and sobs have turned to breathy shivers. “I’m going to go wash my face and get you a fresh shirt since you are now covered in my tears and drippy nose.”

Blaine shakes his head, “It’s fine, Kurt. I’m not worried about it.”

“I’ll be right back.” Blaine eyes Kurt carefully as he walks away, he’s not sure what will happen when Kurt gets back, but he hopes that he doesn’t close up on him or feel embarrassed. Clearly, he had been bottling that grief up for some time, and it needed to come out.

As Kurt looks in the mirror, he’s not even embarrassed by his appearance or what just happened. He feels so much better that he wants to concentrate on that feeling. He realizes that he’s been holding on to some of his grief for...well, years obviously. He tries to manage it, but there must have been some part of it locked away that he hadn't even realized. He splashes cold water on his face, blows his nose, rewashes his face because it felt so good the first time, and heads back out to face Blaine. He grabs a thin black sweater on his way back.

He tosses it at Blaine and crawls on the bed. He sits with his back to him and says, “You can change, and then we can talk about this. But there is no way I can handle seeing what you hide under your shirt, Mr. Hottie.” 

Blaine laughs loudly and quickly changes his shirt. He honestly didn’t care that his other shirt was wet from Kurt’s crying, but he’s not going to argue right now. There are other things to discuss. To be quite honest, the thought of wearing Kurt’s clothes and being able to smell Kurt around him sounds like heaven on earth.

“Okay, it’s safe to look, love. There is no off-limits skin to be seen anywhere.” He can’t help but laugh. It’s becoming hilarious to try and keep this chemistry they have between them in check. He knows he usually has perfect self-control and sure Kurt does too, but together with this constant buzzing electricity? It’s going to take some extreme measures over the next few days or weeks or however long it takes for them to get past date nine. He loves the challenge of it.

Kurt turns around and lays the blanket over Blaine’s hips and snuggles up to him like he did when the night started. “Thank you, Blaine. Part of me wants to keep saying, ‘I’m sorry,’ but I’m actually not. I have no idea where that came from. It shocked me with its intensity, but I can’t even begin to describe how much better I feel. There must have been some chamber of grief locked away that I wasn’t even aware of. I have never cried like that in front of someone before, ever. And the craziest part is that I’m not even embarrassed. And I doubt it will be the last time I experience that with you either. If you ever feel like you need to, I hope you will with me too. I have a feeling over the next few days and weeks, as we share the most sacred and most secret parts of our lives with each other that it’s going to happen. I mean, we’ve been sharing a lot of tears between us. We've joked about it a bit, but that just took it to a whole new level. I have never felt safer or loved in my entire life, Blaine. Thank you.”

Blaine squeezes Kurt and pulls him in closer. “It was my privilege to hold you during your grief, Kurt. And I’m still right here if you want to talk about it, okay?”

Kurt is stunned at the topic that he feels like he _needs_ to talk about next. “Actually, I think I need to talk to you about something else. I don't understand why. Why now? Especially after everything that just happened, but it ties in, sort of. I can’t believe I’m ready to share this with you so soon but, it’s right here under my skin, and I need to get it out. It will answer some of your questions from yesterday too.”

“I’m listening, Kurt, you can tell me if you’re ready.”

“Do you care if we sit up for this, I feel like I need to be able to see your face?”

“Of course we can,” Blaine says as he starts to pull himself up as Kurt does as well. They sit facing each other in the middle of the bed cross-legged, knees touching, holding their hands in the middle between them.

“Or maybe this is worse,” Kurt tries to joke as he looks at Blaine shyly. He decides he better just get on with it; this might take a while. “My high school was an absolute cesspool, Blaine. I lived in fear every single day. Some days and weeks were better than others, but I was constantly in fear. I was slushied often and I—”

Blaine interrupts him, “Slushied?”

“Oh yeah, it’s this rather wonderful tradition of buying ice-cold slushies, Slurpees? And then dousing them in a student’s face."

Blaine gasps, “Are you serious!? That’s horrible!”

“Yeah, it is, and before you ask, the teachers did nothing—ever. It’s like they were always a half a second too late to see anything that was going on and claimed their hands were tied, so just keep that in mind for the rest of the story.” 

Blaine leans over and kisses Kurt’s forehead. 

“Anyway. They slushied us, and I was thrown in the dumpster in the school parking lot more than a few times by the football team—including Finn, who would later become my step-brother,” Kurt shudders, leftover from the crying from earlier. And also the sad thoughts of losing Finn. “He’s gone now, but that is a story for another time. I was shoved into lockers often and verbally abused in the vilest and distasteful language you can imagine. This went on for years. At one point, my depression was so bad that I wondered if I’d make it past high school.”

At this, Blaine pulls Kurt into a hug for a moment, kissing his cheek. He pulls back so Kurt can keep talking, but he is continuously trying to give Kurt a reaffirming touch that he is here and he’s listening.

“I finally joined the Glee Club, and it helped some. It helped a lot, actually, but the bullying never really stopped. There was this neanderthal named Dave, who made it his life’s mission to make my life a living hell. He was the worst of them all. Over the years, he bullied me—he terrified me the most. Because there was this _hunger_ in his eyes that horrified me.” This time Kurt leans his forehead on Blaine’s shoulder for a minute, trying to get the strength to tell the rest of the story. Blaine rubs his fingers over Kurt’s knuckles gently.

“For this next part, I just need you to let me get it all out, okay? If I stop, I won’t be able to finish it.”

“Of course, baby.”

“I’ve never told anyone this part ever, but when he would push me up against the lockers or have a hand around my throat with his other hand, he would ‘accidentally’ brush against my crotch. Once? Maybe an accident, but the number of times it happened, and what came next, I realized he had always been doing it on purpose.”

A tear slides down Blaine’s cheek, but he keeps quiet and just continues to try and be a safe place for Kurt.

“One day, I have no idea what came over me, but I was sick of it. I was just absolutely done with him. He passed me in the hall and hit all the books out of my hands, I just watched them scatter across the floor, and my anger came to a boiling point. I turned on my heel and ran after him. I was screaming at him, asking him what his problem was. Why was he singling me out? What had I ever done to him? I wasn’t paying attention to where he was walking, and we ended up in the locker room. The problem is that it was empty. I just kept screaming at him getting closer and closer to him, pointing my finger and letting all my rage out with my words. He was so angry...and he... he grabbed my face, and he kissed me. It was revolting and vile, a nightmare. I was in shock, but when I was finally able to pull away, he came for me again. I got away somehow, and you would think he would have left me alone after that, but it got so much worse, to the point where he threatened my life if I told anyone what happened, what was _still_ happening.”

There is a bear inside Blaine’s body that has awoken from some long hibernation. Growling, it’s fury reared up in a burning fire of rage and hatred. How could someone do something like that to Kurt? This ethereal creature that the world doesn’t deserve? He can feel the fire start to burn his skin, but he keeps the bear at bay. This is not what Kurt needs from him. 

Instead, he tries to keep his emotions in check and pulls Kurt into his arms, holding him tight. Eventually, Kurt pulls back and continues. Blaine can’t believe the courage this man has.

“The worst part of it was it was my first kiss.” 

Blaine can’t help the gasp when he inhales quickly.

“He stole that from me. I felt so robbed and heartbroken over it. I’m a romantic to a fault, and it hurt. Anyway, that was my junior year of high school, and I never told my dad how bad it was up to that point because he was having a lot of heart problems, and honestly, what could he do about it? No one at school cared or would ever come forward that they saw anything. But once, when Dave had just threatened my life again, a teacher saw me right after it happened, so it finally came out. I never told them about the kiss or the groping, though, because I didn’t want to out Dave. No one deserves that, not even him, I couldn't do it. So I told them about the bullying. He was expelled, but being the popular football star he was, and the mentality that ‘all the kids have thrown a slushie or two, what’s the harm?’ He was back at school within a week.” Kurt inhales and exhales a few times, clearing his mind, trying to calm the leftover shivers from his earlier crying spell.

“When he came back to school though he seemed sad somehow. It was strange to me at the time, the difference in his face. He backed off. He never physically touched me again. When he was with his friends, he would verbally be abusive, but he never cornered me or sought me out as he had before. He eventually changed schools before our senior year and left. I never thought I’d see him again. There’s more; I know this is a long story. But around Valentine’s Day of my senior year, I started getting anonymous secret admirer letters and gifts at school and home. Then, this person asked me out on Valentine’s Day.

“I found out it was Dave, but I listened to what he had to say. He apologized profusely and begged for forgiveness from me. He told me he wanted to be with me, told me how much it changed him and his life that I didn’t ‘out him’ when I had the chance. It was so surreal, but I felt sorry for him. He had suffered so much silently for so long, denying who he was. I forgave him; I was sincere about it too. I did forgive him in my heart, not just with my words. I then had to tell him that while I was touched by his feelings for me that it would never work, we could never be together like he wanted us to be.

“He understood and told me once again how sorry he was for everything. It was actually all very healing, I think, for both of us. We each left the restaurant, and I thought that was that you know? Maybe I’d see him someday at a grocery store in ten years or something. But a few days later, he called my phone like three times, and I didn’t answer because I needed some space. There was this part of me that was sort of mourning a lost possibility. I mean, of course, my secret admirer would turn out to be the bully that had sexually assaulted me. It was confusing for me.”

For the first time since he started telling this story, a few rogue tears slide down Kurt’s cheeks. But Blaine was there to catch them. He has been rubbing Kurt’s forearms lightly with his fingers the whole time Kurt talked to help keep him calm. Kurt is grateful because it has been working.

“And then—And then, I found out he had been seen with me at the restaurant on Valentine’s Day, and someone outed him at his High School the next day. They had painted horrible things on his locker and descended like homophobic demons on his Facebook page. I found out that the day he tried to call me, that, that, later that night...he...he had attempted suicide.” 

“Oh my gosh, Kurt!” Blaine couldn’t keep it in for another second. 

“I felt so guilty for not answering his calls. I felt like somehow it was my fault. I know it wasn’t, but it still felt that way. It was a very difficult time for me. I ended up going to the hospital to see him. I sat there and held his hand, and—and I tried, I tried so hard to give him hope for his future. He told me how much he admired my strength that I had endured all that I had, because when the tables were turned on him, he said he hadn’t even lasted a week and tried to find a way out. I assured him of my forgiveness and that things would get better. He apologized again to me as well. We became friends after that, not close friends, but we keep in touch. He’s recently been married, and he’s an assistant football coach at a Pennsylvania school.

“Wow, this is a long story, honey. Thank you for listening to me. But let me bring it full circle for you, okay?”

Blaine nods but stays silent. He continues to rub Kurt’s hand with his thumb. He’s had tears running down his face almost the whole time. Kurt wipes a few of them away for him.

“So earlier, when I lost it, one of the things I saw flash in my mind was Dave in the hospital bed too. It haunts me sometimes to see him there and think of those phone calls. But what I want to bring this back to is that during the time that Dave was assaulting me and into my senior year, I was also suffering from touch-starvation that you asked me about yesterday. I still tried to be myself, you should have seen some of my clothes, Blaine, they were epic,” he winks at Blaine and smiles. “But I wouldn’t let anyone touch me _ever_. Maybe there were a few hugs from my dad, but even that was very difficult for me. Eventually, much later in my senior year, I had a group of girls from the Glee Club—we became close. We all hugged a lot and had rambunctious sleepovers and pillow fights that helped.

“Anyway, my dad, he tried to find me a therapist because he knew something was bothering me that I couldn’t talk to him about. But we couldn’t find anyone in Lima or within an hour’s drive that I felt comfortable around. The one time we found someone who _said_ they worked with gay kids was not at all what I needed. I felt worse when I left her office. I felt ashamed of who I was, like being gay was something they could fix. That wasn’t going to work for me. Later I would realize that she hadn’t worked on her own shame or vulnerability, but that is neither here nor there,'' Kurt waves his hand dismissively.

“I was proud of being me; I really was. I had my dreams of New York, I had my voice, I had an eye for fashion, and I loved my family. So I decided I would do the best I could to heal myself. I dove into articles about the effects of bullying and how to heal, I researched how to recover from sexual assault, and I studied communication techniques. I filled hundreds and hundreds of pages in notebooks with my feelings, poured out all my anger, heartbreak, and regrets without holding back anything. And then I burned them all, I watched them go up in flames and smoke in my backyard, and I felt liberated. I did this over and over again until I felt like there was nothing left to write. And eventually, I got better, little by little. I felt amazing actually, and the day I stepped off the plane in New York for the first time I felt whole. 

“Do I wish it had never happened? Of course, I do. But I am so grateful for everything those experiences taught me. I am who I am today because of them. I don’t know that I would have ever taken as much responsibility for my own life and happiness without them. Because of them and all the loss I’ve experienced, I wake up every day, Blaine, grateful for where I am and who I’ve become. I know life is a gift. Every day should be treated like one. And I honestly don’t think there is any way I would have been mature enough emotionally to sit here with you right now and have the meaningful discussions we are having without them.

“And one final thing, and then I promise you can ask me anything you want or not say anything at all it's up to you. But now you might have a better understanding of why I said no kissing until date nine. It takes a lot for me to be able to share my body, even kissing. But I want to reiterate that I have never, ever, felt anything but safe with you. So, when I say ‘I’m not ready,’ it has nothing to do with fear. I just know that I need a strong emotional connection with someone to be able to be that vulnerable. Little did I know on Friday that wasn’t going to be an issue for us at all. I have never felt more connected to another person, but I still think it’s good for us.”

Blaine nods and squeezes Kurt’s hands.

“Do you remember that text I sent you? I still think it’s good for us to build a strong foundation under all this chemistry before we dive into the physical, but I want to dive in when we agreed, honey. I want you so much—I am not afraid of you. And I hope you still want me. You are the first person I have ever told about the abuse, and I am begging you not to treat me differently. I don’t want you ever to be afraid to touch me because of it. I don’t want to let that experience ever rob me of all the beautiful experiences in my future, Blaine.”

Blaine can’t take it anymore. He pulls Kurt into his chest and pulls them over on their sides and holds him firmly until he can gather his thoughts. He kisses Kurt’s cheek and pulls back just enough that they can look at each other in the eyes. He runs his hands over Kurt’s ear and hair a few times.

“I have never been more proud of anyone in my life than I am of you right now, Kurt Hummel. You make me want to be a better person in every way. Thank you for telling me. The trust that you put in me every day moves me beyond the words I have to express it. I am not going anywhere, I am here for you, and I promise you that I want you. I want you so much, and not just in the way that I know our bodies are going to be incredible together, but I want _all_ of you, Kurt. Your mind and heart call to me just as much. I had so many questions as you were talking, but you are so adept at expressing yourself and how you feel that you kept answering my questions as you went along. I still have a few, but first, I just want you to know that I admire your vulnerability. What an example you are to me, of what it means to communicate and be open with someone. Thank you, Kurt.”

They lay there in a tangle of limbs, comforting each other with touches. “You can ask me anything you want to, baby. I really am okay.”

“Yesterday, you said that you wondered if you would ever find someone who wanted you to touch them. Does that come from this experience as well?”

“ _Hmmm_ , well, yes and no.” Kurt stares into Blaine’s eyes, his own eyes reflecting that he’s thinking about the answer.

“It was more a mix of many experiences. The derogatory names. People telling me they were going to ‘catch the gay’ if they touched me. Guys accusing me of checking them out if I dared to glance at them. The year that I had to take P.E. was a living hell. There are some other issues here that I’m not ready to talk about yet. But I kept eyes down at all times. I made sure I was covered up at all times, and never, ever, ever took a shower at school or looked towards the shower room. I never wanted to be falsely accused of anything. Luckily I had it last class, so I would just get dressed at school and shower when I got home. The situation with Dave added to it obviously, I mean, how could it not. He was touching me but was screaming at me not to touch him or look at him or be near him. That who I was was disgusting and wrong. I felt like no one would ever want me to touch them in a romantic sense, at least not in high school. Part of my dreams for New York was that there would be other people my age proudly living outside of the closet like I was trying to do.”

“Thank you, Kurt, for sharing that with me. I can understand why you would have felt that way. I want to tell you again that I very much want your touch. You make me feel alive. I guess I’m wondering now...well—” Blaine starts fumbling over his words, but Kurt assures him it’s okay and to just ask him whatever it is. He leans over and kisses his tear-stained cheek. 

“Well, I think my question seems intrusive, and I don’t know that I want to be insensitive when you’ve shared so much, so just tell me if you don’t want to answer it tonight, okay, love?” 

Kurt nods in agreement rubbing circles over Blaine’s round wrist bone; he loves the way it feels under his fingers.

“Have you had other sexual experiences since then that made you realize you could move on?”

“Yes, I have. At NYADA, there was a plethora of gay young college kids, all of us trying to figure it out. I very quickly learned that I needed that emotional connection, or it meant nothing at all to me. Anything casual, and I couldn't feel it at all on any sort of emotional level. I wasn’t promiscuous. I don’t believe in one night stands, for me. Obviously, that is up to each person to decide ...” 

Blaine interrupts, “I don’t like them either, so you don't have to try and spare my feelings, I don’t need an out here. Sorry, keep going.”

“Thank you, Blaine, I’m glad you agree with me. So anyway, I’ve gone on lots of dates and had fun. I sort of got serious with this guy named Scott. He’s the only boyfriend I’ve ever really had. I mentioned to you on our first date that I’m an old soul? Wait until you meet my friends and family, they’ll say it a million times without even realizing it. But anyway, I’ve mostly found the guys I’ve been around at school and work to be immature and hard to tolerate,” he chuckles. “When I told my dad and step-mom about you today, they weren’t the least bit surprised that the first guy that I’ve gushed about in a long time was older than me. It’s as if everyone expected it. Even my best friend Mercedes acted like I was the only one who didn’t know I would fall for someone older than me. Guess I was the last to get the memo on that!”

Blaine’s eyebrows shoot up, and his face twists into a surprised look, as a grin spreads across his mouth, “Wait, you’ve told your family and friends about me already?”

He can feel a spike of heat come off Kurt’s body, and a crimson wave crashes over his neck and up through his face, “Umm, yeah, is that okay? Should I not have?”

Blaine isn’t sure why this makes him so happy. Kurt has already told his family about him? His friends? It makes him giddy. The age difference doesn’t come up that often between themselves, but he figures that Kurt might be scared to tell his parents or ashamed to tell his friends. He wondered if it would be awkward for Kurt to be dating someone older, but it doesn't even seem to phase him. Not only that, but his family isn’t even surprised? _Soulmates indeed._

His answer to Kurt’s question is to smother him in tiny kisses and pecks all over his face. “Of (kiss) course (kiss) it’s (kiss) okay (kiss), it (kiss) just (kiss) surprised (kiss) me. Going back to the question, though, so you feel like you’ve had positive sexual experiences then?”

Kurt goes a little pale, the way Blaine worded the question makes it difficult for him to answer it honestly right now. This is not the night he will tell Blaine about his experiences or Scott; he’s just not ready.

“Umm, yes, I’ve had some. There is more I need to talk to you about, but I’m not ready tonight. I promise I’ll talk to you about it during our sex talk.”

Blaine’s face portrays his concern, but he trusts Kurt to tell him in his own time, “Of course, baby, whenever you are ready to talk. I don’t want to push you. I just—for some reason, I feel this overwhelming need to make sure you know that sex is wonderful and beautiful. When, or if, the time comes that you are ready for that with me in the future, I promise I will take good care of you, love. You deserve to feel how incredibly special you are, Kurt.” 

Blaine has no idea how much Kurt needs that reassurance. It melts Kurt’s heart in the best way.

“I know you will, honey, and it isn’t ‘if’ its when, and we’ll get there.” Kurt decides that he’s had enough of all the heavy talk. “Alright, not to change the subject, but can we change the subject? We’ve only got about an hour left, I need more cuddles, and I need to know if you eat plain or peanut M&M’s? And there is only one right answer here, Blaine Blaine, so tread carefully.”

Blaine laughs as they dive back into each other and the questions. The time goes by, safely tangled up together, the sounds of the New York city streets below, while their soul connection bond keeps forging that tether around their hearts.

\----~---------------------~---

A curly-haired man leaves Kurt’s apartment precisely at eleven, just like he said he would. As he made his exit, they took a hilarious selfie in the doorway that Kurt said he was going to send his parents to assure them he was safe and sound. He loves that Kurt’s parents care so much about him. He reflects on all that happened and all that they talked about it. He thinks about true love and what that means. _Surely true love is tear and nose stained shirts and finding ways to respect boundaries no matter how absurd. And faith and trust and wanting to know everything about someone. Surely, it’s not caring that someone can see your nose is swollen and dripping from crying, and you don’t mind that theirs is too. It’s being held and knowing that someone accepts you for who you are. It’s knowing that there will be lots of embarrassing moments in the future and looking forward to laughing about them. Surely, it looks like us?_ He smiles at his reflection with his forehead pressed against the glass of the car window. He realizes that he looks younger than he has in so long. He looks _happy_.

He hopes he feels the same tomorrow night after he tells Kurt who he is. Everything could change so fast.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for the chapter: **Embellished** canon sexual assault, mentions of Finn and Kurt's mother, canon physical assault, Intense moments of grief
> 
> A/N: Whenever there are "random" questions. They truly are random! I printed off a list just like Kurt did, and I pulled these questions out of the cup (Kurt has a copy on his phone too) and let them guide the story (the popcorn and parents question in this chapter). This will happen a few times throughout the rest of the fic! oxox
> 
> You can find artwork (and aesthetics aka "mood boards") and other related posts to this chapter on my Tumblr page GleefulPoppet, I'll be adding things over the next month.
> 
> [Click Here to See Larger on Tumblr](https://gleefulpoppet.tumblr.com/post/631815335727792128/chapter-7-the-story-of-my-life-was-posted-this)


	8. Tuesday [Part 1]: You Make Me Feel

K: Okay, so I’ve decided we need a shared spreadsheet  
**B: Oh? Do tell?**  
K Also, good morning my Honey Bee  
**B: Good morning my sweet Sunshine  
**K: We need it to keep track of “us” you know? Firsts and special dates to remember and what each other likes.  
K: Favorite flowers, candy, color-- you know, life-altering important info  
**B: I love the intern in you  
**K: LOL, right?  
**B: It’s brilliant! We’re such modern men  
**K: You know the song Mr. Roboto popped into my head, right?  
**B: Of course, it did. But what is a “Modren” Man?  
**K: Oh baby, that is one of the questions the universe can’t answer.  
K: The Jimmy Fallon lip sync of it is hilarious.  
**B: haha I suppose you're right. And yes it is—in that same episode Emma Stone does Blues Traveler, so funny  
**K: I think it’s one of the best battles they’ve done on the show  
**B: Agreed**  
**B: I wore your sweater to bed. Are you so appalled? I couldn’t take it off  
**K: Seeing you in my clothes was so damn hot  
**B: So you had a motive! I see how you are  
**K: Actually, new kink for me  
**B: Mmmm, I like that  
**K: You can keep the sweater until it stops smelling like me. Because don’t even deny you smelled it before you fell asleep, didn’t you?  
**B: Guilty. And I want to keep it- so I am  
**K: Maybe I’ll steal some of your clothes tonight. Fair is fair, honey  
**B: You can have my whole damn closet if it would make you happy  
**K: You know the way to my heart  
**B: I think the way to your heart is through my curls  
**K: Touché. I love your curls and the way your hair smells  
**B: I noticed :) and I’m not complaining. *blush* My hair being played with might be one of my kinks  
**K: Maybe we need 2 spreadsheets ;) Tab 2: Kinks  
**B: LOL Why Mr. Hummel, how forward you are  
**K: Like I said-- life-altering info  
K: Class is about to start. Miss you bee  
**B: Miss you, too, Sunshine  
****B: I’ll pick you up in front of Vogue at 5:30  
**K: Can’t wait xo  
**B: xo  
**K: Also, I feel so much lighter today. Thank you for letting me get that all out last night  
**B: It was a privilege to hold you and be there with you—glad you feel better**

\-----------------------------

His heart is pumping at least twice as fast as usual. He’s sure he feels the adrenaline and cortisol racing through his veins. His ears are echoing a high pitch tone. He keeps wiping his hands on his pants, trying to warm them up because his fingers have gone cold and clammy, while his palms feel sweaty.

He knew this was coming, and maybe he should never have taken Kurt up on the anonymity offered. But selfishly, he’s loved every minute of being himself with nothing hanging over him or them. They’ve been cautious, and being with Kurt has gone under the radar so far. He hopes he can keep it that way for as long as possible, for Kurt’s sake. 

He has no idea how Kurt is going to react to who he is. In the big scheme of life, he’s really a nobody, but here in New York, he doesn't have the privacy he wishes he did. After everything that happened with Connor and how public it all was, he’s very aware of how damaging living in the public eye can be. He wouldn’t wish that on his worst enemy, and he never wants that for Kurt. What if people start harassing him at school or work? What if they become New York’s hottest gossip, and it drives Kurt away from him?

On their first date, his concerns were centered around what Kurt would want from him; what Kurt would try to use to his advantage, as most guys before him had. Would he expect to be taken to all the best places and receive the most expensive gifts on a whim?

But as it turned out, Kurt was so different. He didn’t seem to want anything from him, not even to know his last name, trusting Blaine had a good reason to want to be himself for a little while. Kurt was open and honest, and by far, the best communicator Blaine has ever known. 

He thinks back to Kurt signing that napkin. He had no idea what he was signing away, but he did it with all his heart, and the sincerity was genuine. He was setting Blaine free; he was saying in his own way, “I only want you, not whatever it is you might own or have. I want **_you_**.” Blaine isn’t going to demean him by thinking “He was too young to know what he was doing.” Blaine believes he knows exactly what he was doing. Kurt wants to be himself, wants to experience life, live it, breathe it all in, work for things, enjoy things. He doesn’t need or want Blaine to hand it to him on a silver platter. 

Kurt is forging his path and doing it spectacularly well. Blaine cannot believe the amount of grief and trauma he’s already lived through, and yet he’s only used it to better himself. He’s used it as a springboard to become who he wants to be, instead of allowing it to drag him down like some twisted, decaying anchor on his soul.

The other trait that Blaine is so head over heels in love with about Kurt is that he genuinely loved his street tacos as much as he loved the expensive meal at Tangerine Terrace. There was no difference to him. Kurt can truly appreciate fancy, expensive things, but he doesn’t need them to be happy. He thinks back to what Kurt said about the “designer scarf high” the day they met. He can’t help but smile at that. It was what captured Blaine’s heart in the first place. Here was this young man, embracing where he was in life and accepting it, but he knew he was worthy of everything he wanted for the future. He was grateful and appreciative of the here and now in the same breath. His outlook on life sparked Blaine’s heart on fire. He started waking him up from his deep slumber.

He closes his eyes, taking a deep breath, and even though he doesn’t want to, he knows he must. Experience has been a harsh teacher in Blaine’s life when it comes to men. He starts sifting through the memories and conversations of the last five days that they’ve had together, silently searching for any alarm bells going off in the back of his mind. The sort of whispers that he knows, in hindsight, he should have listened to when he was with Connor. He’s quiet and listens. But, there aren’t any at all. The age difference pops up for a moment, but it's almost laughable now. Kurt is wiser and more mature than most people he knows. There might be judgments or complications to the outside world, but for himself and what it means for their future, he isn’t worried about it anymore.

He inhales deeply through his nose, searching once more, for anything, anything at all, he needs to listen to. He feels his body calm down. A peaceful feeling emanates from his heart; it melts like warm honey through his chest and then drips down his spine and spreads out into his limbs. When he’s at peace, body calm and finally still, he hears a whisper perfectly clear, _This man knows how to love you the way you deserve, Blaine, let him._

He steps out of the car, deciding to remain calm no matter what happens. He chooses to trust their connection. 

It’s time to face the music _literally and figuratively_. 

\---------

Kurt is waiting for him right outside the Vogue office building as planned. When he sees Blaine get out of the black tinted town car, he looks at him with a brow going up, confusion manifesting on his face. He tries to recover quickly; this is going to be interesting for them both. 

“Hello, Sunshine. Are you ready for tonight?” Blaine holds the door of the town car open for Kurt.

“Hello, bee. Yes, as ready as I’ll ever be.” He has his hands crossed over his body, wrapped tightly around his designer bag strap. He’s not standing as tall as he typically does. Blaine notices how skittish he is. Is this what _he_ looked like on Friday night at dinner?

Kurt slides into the car, and when Blaine slides in next to him, the driver shuts the door. Blaine pulls Kurt into him in a tight embrace. Kurt notices that the privacy glass goes up between them and the front seat. 

“What can I do, love, to make this better for you?” Blaine whispers into Kurt’s ear. 

“Nothing, baby. I’ll be okay. I’m just nervous. We talked about this last night, and you asked me to wait until we got to your apartment to have this conversation. I can do that, but I do love being held by you, so thank you for the hug.”

As they pull back from the embrace to put seat belts and readjust, Blaine puts his arm around Kurt’s waist and scoots as far over as he can to hold him. 

“And can I just say,”

Kurt is looking at Blaine like he wants to eat him alive. There is a hunger in his darkening eyes that surprises Blaine.

“Seeing you in jeans for the first time, and damn Blaine that sweater, and geez look at your curls today? I can’t handle it, honey. You look freaking amazing.” 

Blaine can feel the blush rise on his cheeks as he lays his head down on Kurt’s shoulder, trying to nuzzle into his neck, giving him a light kiss there. Kurt makes him feel so wanted and beautiful.

Kurt’s head softly leans back to rest on the back of the seat. Blaine can feel him shake just a little bit and then realizes that Kurt is trying not to laugh. He’s not doing so well because a giggle finally escapes his throat.

“Sooooooooo … my darling, dearest, sweet, Honey Bee. Did you dress ‘damn hot casual’ to try and make yourself look more human when you tell me that you are next in line for the throne in some far off country I’ve never heard of? Or the long lost grandson to the Rockefeller fortune?”

Blaine laughs into Kurt’s neck and kisses him again near his ear. “So, you _did_ Google me!”

“I did nothing of the kind, Blaine Blaine! And you _so_ did dress like that to make yourself more relatable, and I appreciate the aesthetic honey,” he reaches up and glides his fingers through Blaine’s hair a few times. He gently massages Blaine’s scalp; a comfortable silence falls over them.

This is a big moment ahead of them, their first milestone conversation. There is no use filling the time until it happens with chitchat. They are both deep in their own thoughts. One wondering who he’s falling in love with, and one is hoping he’ll stay after he finds out. 

When the car comes to a complete stop at an apartment building a few blocks from Central Park, Kurt’s back goes rigid, and sits up straight. Blaine can see Kurt’s pulse speed up in the vein on his neck, so he kisses him there one more time in reassurance.

“We’re here. I’m going to get out first, and I’m so, so sorry, honey, but I’m not going to touch you or hold your hand until we are in the elevator, okay? Let me assure you that this precaution is for you, and I am not ashamed of you. Please tell me you know that?”

“Kurt?”

“What? Yes, yes, of course. Thanks,” but Kurt is in a daze. _First, the private car and Blaine lives here? This was so easy in theory. The reality is starting to be a little more difficult to process. Courage, Kurt, courage. Just keep taking the next step—one thing at a time. You are about to get all the answers._

“Ready, baby?”

Kurt nods yes, so Blaine opens the door. He moves a reasonable distance away from the car but not so far that Kurt will feel like he’s being left behind. Blaine greets the doorman as he opens it for them. Blaine smiles and waves at the receptionist who’s on the phone. They step inside the elevator. As soon as the doors “ding” closed, Blaine instantly wraps his arms around Kurt comfortingly. When he lets go a moment later, he slides his hand down Kurt’s arm and takes his hand firmly, threading their fingers together. 

Blaine keeps repeating in his mind over and over again, _trust the connection, stay calm for Kurt, be at peace_ because he is not sure what to make of Kurt’s silence and the closed-off look in his eyes.

When they arrive, Blaine guides him to his loft apartment. There are only four on this entire floor. It’s not quite a penthouse, but it’s not small by any stretch of the imagination. He turns his key in the door but hesitates as he’s about to turn the handle. He turns back towards Kurt and puts his hand on his cheek, rubbing his thumb over his cheekbone softly.

“Love, I want you to feel at home here, okay? You are welcome to go anywhere, touch anything, open anything, use anything; I have nothing to hide from you or keep from you. This is about me opening up myself to you, holding nothing back. You are the only man I have ever brought here. This space is yours to explore and be part of any way you want, okay?”

Kurt’s eyes widen in astonishment. His face gains some color back. He is stunned by Blaine’s open invitation into his home. He’s trying hard to make this all okay. Kurt put all his trust in Blaine when he gave him the gift of anonymity, and now Blaine is putting all of _his_ trust in Kurt. He is giving Kurt the thing that is hardest for him to give. His trust is his most valuable asset, the thing that makes him most vulnerable. Kurt is overwhelmed with the magnitude of it after what Blaine has been through. They have come so far in such a short time.

Kurt throws his arms around Blaine’s waist and hugs him with everything that he has. “Thank you, Blaine,” the sentiment laid with heavy emotion in his voice.

He takes a deep breath and laughs, “You know we’re both going to end up bawling before this night is over, right?” Kurt teases, trying to lighten the mood. “I mean, we have to go five for five, right? I’m not sure it’s a date for us unless we’re crying. We’ll set a world record.”

“ _Mmmmm_ , well, I’ll take crying with you every night for the rest of my life if it means we keep having the conversations we’re having and being next to you, Kurt Hummel. I’ll take the tears over empty smiles, meaningless small talk, and idle gossip every single time.”

“Me too, baby” Kurt kisses his cheek. “And I think it’s time we do this. I’m ready, honey.”

Blaine turns to open the door again. He twists the door handle and walks inside, opening the door for Kurt. “Welcome, Sunshine,” he says with a silly bow gesturing Kurt to come in. As Kurt walks in, he looks around in wonderment, his hand automatically covering his mouth that fell open when he gasped. He isn’t sure what to look at first. Blaine takes his bag and hangs it on a hook by the door and then wraps his arms around him from behind, nuzzling his back, kissing his shoulder blades a few times. 

In a whisper, raspy and barely pushed out from his lips, Kurt finally says in awe, “Blaine. It’s...—Your home it’s-it’s-stunning.”

“You want a tour, love? Dinner should arrive at 8:00, as we talked about last night. So that gives us a couple of hours to talk before our date officially starts. And if we aren’t done, that is fine too. The date can wait for another night. Milestones conversations take precedence over dates just like we agreed, and I want to honor that.”

“Umm, yes sure, yes, sounds good, tour, dinner, yes. Please don’t expect me to be coherent for a little while, Blaine. I’m overwhelmed, and we haven’t even started.”

“It’s okay, honey, let’s just walk around so I can show you where everything is okay?” 

Kurt nods his head; inside, he’s trying to pull himself together. _Remember, just take the next step, Kurt. First, this step and then the next. Blaine has shown nothing but love and trust. We can get through this._

Blaine slides his hand in Kurt’s; they step a few feet into the front room, and that’s it. That's as far as they make it because, as Kurt is admiring the incredible exposed brick and the grand piano, that is the main feature of this room. He looks to the left and sees floor to ceiling bookcases filled with vinyl records, books, and awards. It is an incredible sight. But when he looks closer to absorb all the details of Blaine’s beautiful life, he is flabbergasted. _Wait, is that a Grammy Award? No, it’s actually two Grammy Awards. Who is he? This isn’t something I imagined in my wildest dreams. I thought he’d be heir to a fortune or some high powered attorney but look at all this music paraphernalia. The guitars in the corner, the sheet music stacked up by the piano._ He squeezes Blaine’s hand hard, “I need to sit down, Blaine, please.”

Blaine leads him over to the couch and pulls Kurt down beside him. Kurt turns, so he’s sitting sideways. He tucks his feet under himself and wraps his arms around his chest, ducks his chin down, and lays his head down, temple first on the back of the couch, so that he can see Blaine. It isn't escaping Blaine’s notice that Kurt just made himself as small as possible and that he’s put himself into a position that protects his heart and vital organs.

Blaine immediately turns sideways to face Kurt, one leg bent on the couch, one leg on the floor. Laying his head the same way but with his neck exposed and open. He has his arms in his lap uncrossed and palms up and open, an invitation for Kurt if and when he’s ready to accept it. He feels empty and cold without Kurt’s touch. _Trust the connection, Blaine. Stay calm for Kurt. He needs you to show him that he is more important to you than all of this._

“Blaine, I need you to tell me who you are now,” Kurt can barely get the words out.

“Of course, love.” He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath down deep into his belly. He exhales it slowly and audibly so that Kurt knows he’s centering himself and not ignoring him.

“My name is Blaine Anderson. And these are all things I could have told you on Friday when I said they made me sound like a pompous ass, and I still think they do. I am a two time Grammy Award winning songwriter. I’ve been nominated three times more. I graduated from Julliard. I can play the piano, guitar, and violin proficiently and lots of others just for fun. I’ve worked with amazing artists such as Adele, Colbie Callet & Imagine Dragons, to name just a few. I’ve eaten dinner with more of them than I could ever name. I’ve recorded a few of my own albums. I own my own record label, and I’m a producer. I work with LGBT+ musicians on branding themselves. We help them with their music, styling, and public image so that they can have promising careers outside of the traditional music industry, which sadly, too often, try to put them back inside the closet they already walked out of. There’s more Kurt, but I just...” he’s about to assure Kurt that so much of it is just extra, and he just wants to be himself with Kurt. He’s just like anybody else. But, Blaine notices rapid changes in Kurt's demeanor, and he doesn't look good at all. “Kurt?” he asks, concerned.

Kurt is silent, but tears are dripping down his face. His face is a blank canvas; it’s empty, not giving a hint of the emotion or the turmoil taking place underneath his skin when he asks, “Can you please tell me where the bathroom is?”

 _I’m going to be sick. I feel so strange. There is no way I can hold this back. I need to get to the bathroom right now. I feel so small, and these feelings are crushing me from all sides, crashing like waves suffocating me. I’m drowning. Let something out, please. I don’t know how I feel except I can't think straight. Blaine, please help me._ _So cold, so sick._

Blaine jumps up and takes Kurt's hand to show him where it is. On the way, Kurt grabs his school bag. He’s going to need it. When Blaine leads him to the door, Kurt tells him in that same monotone voice, “Thanks. Please give me a couple of minutes?”

He walks in and locks the door. He pleads with the universe that Blaine walked away. _Who goes into shock on a date_? He turns on the tap at the sink, hoping that the sound of the water will calm his stomach. He tries to splash his face with cold water, but it’s just no use. He rushes over to the toilet and retches; it’s more like a dry heave. He was too nervous to eat earlier at lunch, so nothing comes up, which makes it worse because his stomach is empty, and his body is trying hard to get some sort of release. _Too many feelings, too many thoughts_. It happens a few more times, but there is just nothing. It’s so loud, though—there is no way Blaine can’t hear it. He feels betrayed by his own body. _Can’t I just have this moment without Blaine knowing how emotionally overwhelmed I am?_ The answer is no. Because no sooner had he thought that then he hears Blaine knocking on the door. 

“Kurt, Kurt, are you okay? Please let me help you! Please, Kurt!”

He can hear the concern in Blaine’s voice. He’s begging him. There’s a hint of terror there too that shakes just underneath the surface. Blaine is just as scared as he is. 

He has no idea what possesses him to do it, but he’s weak and feels weird. He could actually use some help. As he slides down the wall, _I just need to sit down, so so dizzy_ , he unlatches the lock. Just as everything goes fuzzy and the room starts spinning, he can feel Blaine pull him into his lap, and then everything goes black.

When he opens his eyes twenty seconds later, he’s staring up into Blaine’s face. Blaine is cradling him in his arms, looking back down at him. They both have tears on their cheeks. He raises a hand weakly to wipe off Blaine’s tears. “We’re crying again, Blaine Blaine,” Kurt gets out in a painful, grungy, whisper that hurts his throat. 

Blaine lets out a half-sob, half-laugh, and says, “Yeah, baby, we are. Of course, we are.”

“Can you just hold me a minute? I am so dizzy; I can’t move.”  
“Of course, I can. Tell me what you need. I’ll do anything, love.”

“Just hold me,” his eyes flutter closed again.

It’s another five minutes before Kurt finally feels like maybe he’s going to be okay. “I certifiably need to brush my teeth. Can you get my toothbrush out of my bag, please?” 

“Yes, but I feel entirely robbed of the opportunity to tell you I got you a toothbrush for my house, too,” he teases, “after all, you took such good care of me last night. But yes, let me get it for you.” 

They manage to get Kurt’s teeth brushed without him falling over or passing out again, so they decide to head back to the front room. Blaine has his hand around Kurt’s waist supporting him.

Once he has Kurt settled on the couch, he asks, “Do you want some crackers or something, and I have some ginger ale in the refrigerator?” 

“That admittedly sounds delicious, but I’m not quite ready yet. Come sit with me?” Blaine sits down next to him, and Kurt turns sideways again. It stops Blaine’s heart for a second because he thinks Kurt is going to hide away again. But Kurt pulls his legs out and lays them across Blaine’s lap; he then lays back, resting on the pillows on the end of the couch. “This okay?” he asks. Blaine nods yes and starts rubbing Kurt’s shins softly up and down, trying to comfort him. Even through his clothes, Blaine’s touch makes Kurt shiver. 

“Alright, so I’m obviously a little out of it, honey. That was a lot to take in. My nerves got the better of me. I think I may have gone into shock. But you don’t seem to be pulling away from me, so I am trying hard not to pull away from you, okay? But I’m still having a lot of confusing emotions that I feel like are suffocating me right now. So we may end up talking in circles and have to repeat stuff until I can absorb all of it. Alright?”

“Love, we can talk about this all night if we need to. We can talk about this for days. Whatever you need, I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere. Thank you for trying not to pull away. Earlier I felt so far away from you, so thank you. And I’m here and ready to listen, talk to me, baby.”

He closes his eyes, breathing deep, he has one hand holding his stomach and one hand lying over his heart. “My first feeling, which I hate the most, I hate it, because you have _never_ made me feel like this yourself. But it’s still here, Blaine, taking up a whole bunch of space in my body. I feel small and childish, somehow insignificant. I feel almost stupid, no—I don’t like that word. Naive. Yes, there we go, naive. On Friday night, all the things I said to you, and then the contract—and I don’t know— thinking that I had anything to offer you. I just feel small, young, inexperienced—naive. Like who did I think I was. Who do I think I am now?”

Blaine’s hands immediately go up and start rubbing his own face a few times with short jerky movements, and he presses into his eyes as he lets out a small groan. “Kurt. I can’t tell you how to feel, and I’m not going to do you the disservice of telling you shouldn’t feel that way. You feel what you feel.” He takes a deep breath. _Trust the connection, Blaine. Stay calm for Kurt._

 _“_ But Kurt, that isn’t at all what happened from my point of view. That isn’t how I feel about you, not even a little bit. I saw a young man at first. Sure I did. I wasn’t sure there was any way I could be comfortable with our age difference. But by the time the night was over, I saw you as one of the most mature, open-hearted people I have ever met. You had so much courage to stand up to me; you were so brave. You saw me in ways no one, and I mean **_no one_** ever has before. I felt seen and loved in less than two hours. You woke me up, Kurt.” 

He starts rubbing Kurt’s legs again. “Let me ask you a question? If you had known who I was, if I had told you at the store on 5th, you would have googled me or tried to find me on Facebook because that was intense, you couldn’t have let it go. I know this because that is what I did right when I got in the car after leaving that store. I was so mad at myself for panicking. I wanted to see if I could find anything about you. Or even if I had told you at dinner, told you even a few of those things I shared with you earlier, if I had, Kurt, would we be sitting here right now?”

“No, I don't think we would. I mean, maybe? Because of this bond. But I wouldn’t have trusted it. I would have thought I was making it up. Questioned what you could ever see in me. So, no, I don’t think we would.” _He’s right. He’s so right we wouldn’t. Maybe him not telling me was exactly what we needed. I have to TRY and see him as I have the last few days. Who he is hasn’t changed._ He wipes more tears off his cheeks.

“Exactly, Kurt. All that pompous ass stuff that the rest of the world sees and thinks is important isn’t all that I am. And that is why all of my fame and success has been my greatest blessing and my greatest curse. I can’t even think about not having you in my life Kurt. If things had been different, you wouldn’t have been yourself around me, and we would have missed out on all of this. Remember the library? This is the greatest love story of all time, at least for you and me, and maybe the reader is 20,000 more words into the story now because _we’re still here, Kurt_. Because of you, honey! All because you didn’t know who I was, **_but you still saw me_**. You knew me—the me that matters the most. The me I want to be when I’m with you. And you were brave enough to follow your heart when I wasn’t brave enough to follow mine. There is nothing small or insignificant about what you did or who you are, Kurt Hummel.” 

Before Blaine realizes what has happened, Kurt’s legs are off of his lap, and then all of a sudden, he’s got his arms full of his favorite person in the whole world. Kurt is sitting in his lap sideways, arms around his neck, hugging him. And then the kisses start behind his ear and come down his neck. Blaine holds Kurt tightly and tries to go to that place inside himself that he's felt since he was in the car earlier today. He tries to radiate that peace out to Kurt’s heart. He hopes he can feel it somehow. His thoughts turn pleading. _Please let Kurt feel how much I want him in my life, let him be at peace. Please, please let him keep seeing me the way he always has. Please._

“I think I love you, Blaine Anderson. Thank you, honey.” Kut finally whispers into Blaine’s ear.

It makes his heart flutter in his chest for his last name to slip through Kurt’s lips for the first time. “I think I love you, too, Kurt Hummel,” he whispers back, his voice sounds choked up.

After a minute or so more, Kurt crawls off Blaine's lap, once again turning sideways on the couch to face him, but this time he stays close and puts his knees resting on Blaine’s leg, bends his elbow and rests it on the back of the couch to support his head. Blaine rubs soothing little circles over his knees.

“The next feeling up in the emotional blender that is happening in my soul right now is also, just, I don’t, _uggh_. I don’t even know if I can express it. I just—Blaine, I just—I didn’t want anything from you. I didn't want to be able to gain anything from being with you because of who you were. I didn't want anyone to look at us and think that there was any reason for us to be together except that we loved each other. I was quite serious about signing any sort of pre-nuptial, and I still am—we can talk about that later, but— it made me feel better like somehow we could be us with no ulterior motives. If you were some high powered attorney, I would have nothing to gain. Or if you were an heir to a great fortune, again nothing to gain because it wouldn’t affect me. And as I’m saying all this out loud, I realize that all of this has to do with what other people think, which isn't usually like me.

“Maybe I’m not being honest or direct enough, let me try to rephrase some of that. I don’t want _you_ to ever doubt my motives, Blaine. I swear to you on anything you consider holy that I had no idea who you were. But part of me wonders how you will ever be able to find peace with who I am. I mean, will you always wonder if I secretly knew who you were and I was using you in some way as everyone else has? What if I planted myself there in the shop? I mean, okay, that sounds silly, but honestly, I could have. I’m sure people have done worse things to be near you and use your fame and fortune for their benefit. I mean, geez, Blaine! What are the chances you would randomly meet a gay kid who graduated from NYADA, loves music, plays the piano too, and oh hey now, also happens to have a degree in fashion, well almost, and knows perfectly well what it means to style and brand musicians? How could that even happen by accident? It's infuriating to me. I don’t want there to be any question, ever, that I want anything from you, Blaine, except to love you.”

“Umm, Kurt, can I stop you here for a minute? I just have to jump in here real quick. First of all, I wasn’t supposed to be at the store that morning. It’s a long story, irrelevant really, but I was there purely on a last-minute business meeting for a clothing contract for an artist and a photoshoot we are doing. Someone else was supposed to go, but she was sick, so I went instead; I never go to those. So how could you have known I was there unless you were following me? Even then, honey, you are insanely busy with school and work, and I just don’t think you could fit the time in to stalk me properly.” Blaine lets out a hard laugh at his joke because, honestly, Kurt’s worry is absurd, valid because Kurt feels it, but absurd nonetheless. He needs to help Kurt move on from it.

“And secondly, I was going to save this story for another time, but I watched you, Kurt. I saw you outside the window of the store. I noticed you because, well, you’re hella gorgeous for one, but also because you were smiling and you looked so happy. I had this longing inside of me. I wondered if I could have that look on my face ever again. That maybe someday I would heal and get better. I felt so empty and sad most of the time. Actually, I’m not even sure that is true; empty and numb might be more accurate. Anyway, I watched you as you looked in the window and finished your coffee; on the last sip, you sort of did a little shoulder shimmy and smacked your lips like it was the best thing you’d ever tasted. I know now that you do that little shimmy whenever you get really excited about something. I wondered what you were looking at through the window, and then you came straight in and made a beeline for that scarf. I can’t explain it, but I was mesmerized by your happiness, your determination. You just owned the place. I was thinking about talking to you. I have no idea what I would have said, but I felt a pull. I didn’t realize how close I had gotten to you, didn’t even realize I had been walking towards you when you all of a sudden did that adorable half-spin and almost took me out with your elbow.”

He takes a deep breath and then exhales it slowly before he goes on. “I have told you exactly one lie since we’ve met Kurt,” he feels Kurt stiffen in his arms. “I told you ‘I wasn’t paying enough attention’ when you apologized to me after running into me, but that just wasn't true. I was paying very close attention. So if anyone was stalking anyone, it was me stalking you. You had no idea that someone was watching you, or that someone was coming up behind you because you were so lost in that scarf. There is absolutely no universe, Kurt Hummel, where I think you planted yourself in that shop to woo me into making you famous.” 

Kurt starts laughing and nods into Blaine’s chest.

“And thirdly, to answer your question, there are absolutely zero chances that I would have randomly met a gay _man,_ you are no kid Kurt, who graduated NYADA, sings, plays the piano, and almost has a fashion degree if the universe hadn’t given me a push to walk towards you. And then, as I’ve said before, you knocked me upside the head and brought the sunshine back into my life, Kurt. I know we make our own fate, but we each keep taking one step towards each other willingly. Friday night was one of the most significant steps we’ve taken. It was _the_ big choice. But we have taken lots more since then, too, each time it brings us closer together. 

“But there is no way after what has happened between us that I can deny that the universe itself conspired to have us both there in that store, at that moment. And Kurt? Think about it? Everything we’ve been through, everything we love, none of it is exactly the same. But our hobbies, our goals, our dreams, they all compliment each other. The more we’re together, the more I see how we could build a beautiful life together.” 

Kurt inhales quickly and clings harder to Blaine, his heart beating wildly at the thought of building a life with this incredible man.

“I know I’m being long-winded here, but I’m feeling so much too, and I hope some of this will help you. There’s just one more thing I want to say, and then I’ll stop talking so you can get a word in edgewise.”

Kurt interjects, “What you are saying is helping, honey. You have no idea how much. Thank you. Of course, you can keep going.”

Blaine takes a deep breath and dives right back in. “I’ve thought several times throughout the last few days that if I could have written a list of things I would want in my ideal soulmate, assuming I had believed in them a few days ago, it would have been everything you are, Kurt. You're actually a million times better than what I could have imagined for myself. 

“Soon enough, I’m sure we’re going to find things that drive each other absolutely bonkers. We both have faults and bad habits. I keep waiting, you know—for the annoying stuff. Maybe you flip people off in public, or maybe you get bitchy when you are stressed, or leave wet towels on the floor or don't pick up your dirty socks, or perhaps you let the mail pile up on the counter. I keep waiting for the silent alarm bells to go off that I would have hit snooze on at some point in my life, but none of them have come. What I do hear are whispers of ‘He’ll take good care of you’ and ‘He can love you the way you need.’ 

“We will have issues. We will be annoyed by some things, but the peace I feel and the belief that we can work through it is something I’ve never ever had before with anyone. I want to love everything about you, even the things that are hard to love. It would be the greatest privilege of my life to know you so perfectly that I can love your faults, quirks, anxieties, fears, and phobias as much as your strengths, dreams, and hopes.”

And once again, Blaine has his lap and arms full of his favorite person. He could get used to this. Kurt’s hugs and kisses, well at least the ones he’s experienced so far, are the best—ever. “I want all of that too, Blaine. I want to love every part of you that is so perfectly perfect and so perfectly imperfect. Thank you, Blaine. I feel so much better. There is still a lot going on inside me, but I feel calmer. I mean this morning, you were just my Blaine Blaine, and now it’s like, ‘Oh hey, I’m dating a Grammy Award winning songwriter,’ and that is just—a lot to take in.”

“I understand, baby, but I will always and forever be your Blaine Blaine. And I’m just like everyone else, Kurt. I’m just a guy quickly falling in love with his soulmate, who wants to be loved and feel needed. Who wants to belong to someone who feels like home and family, and cuddles, and morning breath kisses, and waffles on Sunday night just because we can. Nothing has changed about me, Kurt. Nothing.” Blaine’s whole body shudders, “My biggest fear—my worst nightmare is that you won’t see me the same anymore, Kurt. Please—please don’t let my career change the way you see me, please.” Warm salt water tears are running like streams down his cheeks. He’s finally voiced his fear out loud, and he feels wrecked for it.

“Oh, baby, no. Oh, Blaine. I look forward to all the Sunday night waffles in our future, our first family tradition, perhaps? The cuddles, all the morning breath kisses you could ever want. I want everything with you, Blaine, everything. But please be patient with me as I try to unravel all of this.” 

“You don’t even have to ask for that, Kurt. I think this is going to take some adjusting for both of us. I’m going to have to watch my thoughts because allowing you into this part of my life may trigger some things for me. I also want to be sensitive to your needs because I know this will be a huge adjustment for you. So as always, who we are and what we have is a safe space. Let's not walk on eggshells about it, though, okay? If something needs saying, say it. If you are scared, angry, or confused, tell me, okay? I promise to do the same.”

“I promise, and thank you, Blaine, for telling me the story about the scarf earlier. I want to talk about all of that more later or tomorrow or sometime, but do you mind if we just sit for a few minutes. I need a little reset. We both know there is a big part of this conversation we haven’t had yet, and I just need to get back to a very clear-headed space for that.”

“Yes, we have to talk about it, but it can wait, love.”

Kurt looks around the room and sees a throw blanket on one of the chairs, so he climbs off Blaine’s lap to grab it. As he walks back, he looks down at Blaine with a delighted smirk, like he just got away with snatching cookies from the cookie jar. He leans down and whispers, “Lay down for me, baby?” He nips at Blaine’s earlobe with his tongue and teeth. Blaine whimpers but lays down, stretched out on the couch, head resting on the pillows at one end.

Kurt lays the blanket over his hips and then kneels between Blaine’s legs and lays down on him, holding Blaine on the sides of his chest, while Blaine wraps his arms around Kurt. They stay wrapped up in each other for a good fifteen minutes trading light touches between them, until Kurt shifts his body weight to his right side and props himself up on his elbow on Blaine’s chest, looking up at him. 

“Do you have a t-shirt on underneath this sweater?” 

Blaine’s lips rise into a half-smile, light dancing in his eyes. “Yeah, I do. Why do you ask?”

“Hmmm? No reason,” but Kurt’s fingers are already slowly making their way down Blaine’s ribs. He’s taking his time, rubbing his fingers back and forth across each and every one of them. Ever so lightly—back and forth, back and forth. When he gets to the bottom rib, he gently slides his hand down farther until he reaches the sweater’s hem. Slowly he slides his hand between the sweater and t-shirt and starts going back up Blaine’s ribs much the same way he came down them. Back and forth, back and forth, only this time, he’s pressing a little firmer.

Blaine is coming undone underneath him. How in the hell is a brush of the fingertips so sexy and hot? He’s holding his breath, trying to keep himself in control because whatever Kurt is planning, he never wants him to stop. 

When he gets close to Blaine’s shoulder, he presses deep underneath and pushes, getting Blaine to stretch his arm up and lay it above his head. Kurt’s long fingers glide up the inside of the sleeve across Blaine’s warm, bare skin. His fingers are slowly climbing their way up the length of his arm, feeling all of the muscles and bone. The air is hot and charged between them. When he gets to the sweater’s opening at Blaine’s wrist, he grabs Blaine’s wrist and pulls down swiftly, freeing both of their arms from the sleeve. He then pulls Blaine’s arm down straight and pins it. 

He shifts his body to the left and does the same thing to the right side of Blaine’s body, repeating the same movements, brushing each rib with a variety of pressure, and pulling his arm from the sleeve. Rubbing his forearm, he can feel the texture of the hair and the tiny bumps breaking out over his skin. Blaine can hardly take it anymore. He wants to be able to touch or kiss Kurt anywhere, but his hands are pinned down under his own hips, and he can’t reach Kurt’s neck with his lips.

Kurt sits up on his knees, but he’s leaning forward, hovering over Blaine’s body as much as he can. His eyes have become midnight blue with stars sparkling of mischief and longing. He slides both of his hands up the front of Blaine’s chest over the t-shirt. It’s a touch filled with want, a small ripple in the tide of desire between them. He pauses with his hands over Blaine’s heart, his eyes close, and he feels the rhythm of his future beneath the palms of his hands. After a few moments, his hands begin their journey again. When he gets to Blaine’s shoulders, he pulls him up forward with one hand, with the other, he reaches behind Blaine, gathers the back of the sweater up in his hand, and pulls it over Blaine’s head. His face glows brightly in his moment of triumph; he’s gained his prize. 

He sits back on his heels. He starts to bring the sweater towards his face with both hands, purposely moving as slow as he can manage. When it’s close enough to him, he buries his face in it, inhaling deeply. Taking in the comforting scent of Blaine and feeling his warmth in the fibers. As he pulls it away, he looks down at Blaine; he’s taking deep breaths through his nose. He’s staring at Kurt with so much love and longing it makes Kurt’s heart jump into his throat. Except for their breathing and a few whimpers, neither of them has made a single sound, terrified it might break the spell.

Kurt carefully turns the sweater in his hands until he can slide one arm into one of the sleeves. He then stretches his arms up, lengthening his body, showing off his strong, long limbs as he slides his arm into the other sleeve. He pulls it over his head, inhaling deeply as it slides over his nose. He takes the hem and pulls down until the sweater touches his hip bones. 

He leans over Blaine drags both his hands down hard against Blaine’s chest again, digging his fingers in. Placing one hand on each shoulder using them to support himself, he finally lays back down on Blaine. He pulls his hands down, holding tight to Blaine’s waist, as Blaine’s arms instantly go up, wrapping Kurt’s shoulders, so relieved to be able to finally touch him in some way.

Kurt traces shapes on Blaine’s belly and ribs as he kisses the skin exposed by the V neck of his shirt. He can also feel that Blaine’s t-shirt has ridden up above his waistline near his hip. He can’t help himself; he slides his pointer finger underneath, tentatively stroking across a few inches of Blaine’s skin right above the band of his jeans. Blaine moans, and Kurt whimpers at the sound of it. Now he has his answer about which sound came from whom in the store the day they met. He continues to glide his finger, but he doesn’t dare do anything more. Folded blanket between them or not, it’s impossible not to know that they’re both turned on. 

“I was cold,” he finally says.

“Oh my gosh, Kurt!” he starts laughing, his body shaking.

It’s the happiest sound Kurt has ever heard him make, and he wishes he could bottle it up and save it for a rainy day.

“I don't think I’m going to survive you. I mean that in the best way possible.” He pulls Kurt up enough that he can nuzzle into his neck, laying dozens of playful kisses wherever he can reach. “You can borrow my clothes anytime if that’s how you are going to take them from me.” 

“ _Mmhm_. But, this sweater, Blaine Blaine, I think, will always be my favorite. You looked so damn handsome when you picked me up. You took my breath away. I know I’ve said it before, but you do it often, and I want you to know it. Plus, I have a feeling this sweater is going to be very comforting for the next few days as we figure this all out.”

He leaves a lingering kiss on Blaine’s cheek.

“Anyway! Can I take you up on the crackers and ginger ale now? The dizziness seems to be gone. I think I need to try and eat something. I haven’t eaten since breakfast. I know dinner will be here soon, but I think I should start small. Plus! You owe me a tour, my good sir!”

Kurt gets off the couch and offers his hand to help Blaine up.

“To the kitchen first then,” Blaine says as he intertwines his fingers with Kurt’s.

“Seriously, though, Blaine, your house is stunning. It helps me see deeper into who you are to see where you live. Everything makes sense. It’s warm and eclectic and full of sentiment and taste. It feels like being wrapped up in the essence of you.”

“Every time you say something like that, it makes me want to take you into my arms and give you the world’s most passionate kiss.” 

“Well, why don’t you then?” 

“Oh, that's just not fair to tease me like that, Kurt. You know why. And we both love it. I keep saying it, but I love all the tension and the teasing and don’t you worry, I’m keeping a very scientific tally of all the passionate kisses I owe you. You will be getting every single one of them, plus interest.”

“Oh, I look forward to that, Honey Bee!”

They linger in the kitchen; Kurt absorbs everything, taking in every tiny detail of Blaine’s home. There's more exposed brick, the cabinets are light gray, there’s a sitting area to the left of the countertop bar where he’s sitting sipping his ginger ale and trying to eat a few crackers. He thinks about Blaine sitting in the mid-century modern chairs there, sipping his coffee, or reading a book, which he notices there are a few on the coffee table. The huge picturesque windows, where you can see glimpses of Central Park a few blocks away. And of course, there is music in this room too. Everywhere Kurt goes, there is something musical. Here it’s a modern stereo and high-end compact speakers. He looks to the right and sees all the gleaming stainless steel appliances, the white marble countertops. The dishes he can glimpse in the few glass-front cabinets. He pictures himself here with Blaine, cooking breakfast in the mornings, doing dishes together, talking about their days, and he feels at peace. He closes his eyes for a minute and goes inward, silently searching, listening to his heart and soul. When he is finally still enough, he can hear in a perfect whispered voice, _This man knows how to love you the way you deserve, Kurt, let him. Everything you are worried about will be okay._

Kurt immediately opens his eyes and looks over at Blaine. For a moment, he wondered if Blaine could hear it too. It was so clear and perfect.

“Everything will be okay, Blaine, I know it will. And I can see that look in your eyes, so we better start this next part of the conversation, because I can tell you are worried about it, and there is something you need to say you haven’t said yet. Something you are wrestling with.” 

Blaine shakes his head minutely and raises a questioning look at Kurt. “How do you do that?” Blaine had been thinking about the next part. Because he knows what he wants the outcome to be, but he feels like a jerk for wanting it.

“Do you remember Friday night in the restaurant when I said things are complicated? Well, this is one of the issues where it gets complicated. Because the person in me who is good and wants to make art and help people and love you forever and feels at peace with us could never, ever ask you to do what has to be done for us to be together. So the selfish bastard in me is going to ask you, I’ll probably even beg if I need to, and I think part of me will hate myself forever because of it, I think I already do.

“Kurt. You have to understand that if we are going to be together, that I am asking you to give up a good portion of your privacy. I will have to ask you to build a wall around your heart and not let other people’s criticism affect you. People will take horrible pap photos of us. They will interrupt us at dinner on our dates. They will tweet that they saw us at the park, some obsessive fans will hate you for being with me, I can’t even imagine how bad that part could get on social media. Others will fall in love with you too, Kurt, and they will want to know everything. People will search every detail of your life, groping for anything that will help them think they know you better. 

“There will be red carpet walks and award shows and dinners. I will take you proudly everywhere I go if you wanted to, but I know what that means. Cameras flashing in your face until you are almost blind with it, every detail of your wardrobe critiqued, reporters asking inappropriate questions about our relationship. People saying you aren’t good enough for me that you're too young. The opposite will be true, as well. They will say I’m too old for you, not good enough for you either. There will be magazine and newspaper articles where we are grossly misrepresented and quotes taken out of context. I am not exaggerating any of this. In fact, I’m probably sugar-coating it. 

“Kurt, my relationship ended in the media for everyone to see. Everyone knew before I did, saw the pictures before I did. I am asking you to do something I would not wish upon my worst enemy. And it’s been binding and twisting at my heart somewhere in the background since the day we met. I KNEW what it would mean for you, and I still sent you that scarf, hoping maybe there was a way. But no, there isn’t a way that holds any peace for your future. I feel like the most selfish jackass for it because I want to be with you so much that, in some ways, I feel like I took the choice away from you. I dangled a designer scarf in front of your face, asked you to dinner, and fell for you. Damn it, Kurt! I hate myself so much right now,” he buries his face in his hands, squeezing his temples.

There are no tears this time from either of them. Kurt feels exceptionally calm and clear-headed, nothing like he did before. But he can feel the anger emanating from Blaine’s skin. His self-hatred is like heat coming up from desert sand; he can almost see it. Kurt takes his hand and gets up from the bar where they’ve been sitting and takes Blaine back into the front room. 

He prompts Blaine to sit at one end of the couch with his feet out, and Kurt sits down, pulling them into his lap, reversing their position from before. This time he rubs Blaine’s legs in soothing motions.

“Do you remember earlier tonight when you said that our dreams and hobbies complemented each other? That it seemed like we would be able to build a beautiful life together?”

Blaine nods, but he’s got one hand on the back of the couch with his head leaning into it, still pressing into his temples, his other arm lies tensed across his stomach, his fist clenching and unclenching unconsciously. 

“It hasn’t escaped my notice either, Blaine, that we both have experiences that seem to help us be able to support the other. Not always to the same extreme, but they are there to provide some sort of perspective, at least. We’ve both experienced severe trauma at the hands of bullies. We both have issues with our exes. We’ve both taken a step back from people and understand what it means to live without the affection we need. We both have career paths in the public eye.”

Blaine looks up at him, questioning. 

“Have you forgotten where I work, Blaine? I’ve been working at Vogue for more than five years, Isabelle Wright is one of my good friends and boss. You think we haven’t been followed around by cameras? I know all about what happens to the rich and famous of New York. I also graduated from NYADA. One of my good friends, Rachel Berry, is a Broadway star who is obsessed with fame. My best friend is Mercedes Jones. She’s opened for Beyonce for heaven’s sake. I work with incredible designers, famous in their own right, at Parsons. I’ve seen it, Blaine. I understand what you are saying. We were even required to take a workshop at NYADA that prepares us for the invasion of privacy. And before you say it, I know that there is a vast difference in studying and understanding something in theory compared to living it. 

“But Blaine, even if I had never met you, it was no guarantee that I would have never experienced it for myself. I haven’t given up on my Broadway aspirations. I just knew I wanted to do fashion design too, so I sacrificed now to get it done so I could have both. So for you to say you chose for me is not true. I was on a path that would have required it, at least partially. I have dreams, Blaine, and I’d like to think I will accomplish them someday. So an invasion of privacy was never out of the realm of possibility for me. You didn't take anything away from me. Sped it up by years, yeah, maybe that is true. And the spotlight you are under, I’m sure burns brighter than any I would have been under, but we can figure this out, Blaine.

“Yes, I’m scared as hell at some of the things you said. I’m absolutely terrified. The first time I hear someone call you my sugar daddy, I may throw up and then break something. Maybe we need a box of thrift store dishes to smash for the occasion. But I can’t walk away from you. There was never a choice to walk away from you and stay whole. You know that. I think I can very much argue that neither of us would have found any sort of peace in this life if we hadn't found each other. You’ve talked about how you always felt like something was missing. I think I’ve felt that too. I knew I was waiting for something in the back of my mind. So I willingly choose you and a life filled with love and Sunday night waffles and the paparazzi on Friday night dates. I don’t want the other life where you aren’t in it, Blaine.

“So we have to take this head-on, make a plan, talk about it. Let’s make a list of things we can do to help each other when it all comes to a boiling point, and one of us can’t take the media pressure. Let’s be proactive about our mental health around this. Let’s research places where we can go and get away whenever we need to. Let’s make friends with people who will offer us places of safety to be ourselves. We can face it together.

“It’s tearing me apart to see the hatred you are feeling right now. Your beautiful honey eyes are tinted red with anger and self-loathing. I can’t take it, Blaine. I am begging you to forgive yourself. I can offer you my forgiveness, I was never angry, but if it helps, I forgive you fully for what you perceive to be a hurtful act towards me. I harbor no ill feelings toward you. I am so grateful you sent that scarf. I will say it with my last breath. It changed my life in all the best ways possible.

“But right now, I am begging you to let this go. I am begging you to help us build a life that can withstand the storms ahead. Blaine, I’m the one begging. Please, please let this go. The less room your self-loathing and hatred takes up in your heart, the more room there will be to love me. You cannot hate yourself for this and love me fully. I don’t think the two can co-exist.”

Blaine has his head back on the armrest of the couch now, both of his hands covering his face, shaking his head back and forth. 

“ _Eerrrgh_. I have no idea what to say. You are so amazing and wise beyond your years, but part of me wants to start screaming at you that you aren’t listening to me. That you have no idea what you are talking about, you can’t possibly understand what you are agreeing to. You can’t know what it means to live like this, what you are giving up. Part of me is so angry that you are too easily forgiving me. So angry that you are choosing this, choosing to stay with me, that I ever asked you to. Just an hour ago, I was convincing you that we were meant to be together, and now I’m just pissed off at myself.”

He tries to take a deep breath. His face is red and tense, but Kurt can see him relax a tiny fraction. “But then there is part of me that wants to swallow your words of forgiveness and feed them to my heart.”

Kurt can’t help it. He gives one big exhaled laugh and throws his head back to rest on the back of the couch. He rubs Blaine’s legs a little harder and then pats them. “This is the part where I get to be in awe that I’m dating a songwriter and poet. Is it too early to wonder how many songs will be inspired by either our love or our anger in the future?”

Blaine gives a half chuckle, half sigh, with a dash of a weak smile. He’s still trying to process everything. His thoughts are all over the place. _There is Kurt, always, always knowing when to interject a little humor to help me and always giving his unyielding trust and faith in me._

“Sorry, back to the point. Can I speak frankly with the selfish bastard in you then? Get up and yell, tell me what it’s like in graphic detail, let it all out. Point your finger and scream. If I have to love him for now, I will. But I will not reciprocate the anger because I am at total peace. I feel nothing like I did earlier tonight, and I know that we can face this together. So let him throw a tantrum. Let him scream, Blaine. Hit the pillows, throw something at the wall if you need to, get it all out, let it loose, stop holding it inside. But I still choose this life with you, and I will live with your self-hatred until you are ready to let it go.”

Blaine looks up at Kurt with huge wide eyes; they go back and forth, studying Kurt’s face. “I need a minute, I just—” he lays his head back again and covers his hands. _I don’t understand where this seething anger is coming from. It’s been hiding somewhere. Kurt and I are going to do that for each other, aren’t we? I helped him unlock his grief; he just unlocked my anger over the loss of my privacy. And, oh there it is. I am pissed off and angry about the loss of_ ** _my_** _privacy. This is triggering me because of Connor and that I can’t date the man I love now, without New York watching. And yes, I’m scared for Kurt, too, but this anger is about me._

_Oh my hell. We are going to help each other burn ourselves to the ground from the inside out and rebuild ourselves from the ashes like Phoenixes, aren't we? The next few weeks, months, maybe even years, are going to be so intense together. Finding every hidden pocket of lost emotion buried deep, put on slides—pressed against the glass, ready to be put under a microscope and examined until every part of it has been explored and healed. But damn it, it feels so good not to be living a shallow life._

_With Kurt, everything will have meaning and depth. Even watching TV with Kurt will be an experience. I’m sure he’s the kind of guy that will want to talk about a thirty-minute TV show for an hour. I love him so much already. This anger isn’t about him at all. And he’s right; I need to let the self-loathing go too. It will only crack the foundation we are trying to build. I need to figure out how to let it go._

Blaine decides it’s high time he gets up and throws himself in Kurt’s lap this time. “ _Oooof_ , well, hello, my Honey Bee.” Kurt immediately starts rubbing his fingers through Blaine’s hair and rubbing his back. 

“Kurt, I owe you an apology. I’ve realized that this anger is coming from a very triggering place about the loss of my own privacy. I am so sorry it took this route to find it. Thank you for allowing me a safe space to do it. I’m not sure it would have come up any other way. I’m going to talk to my therapist about it, okay? I’m not angry at you. I’m sorry, baby. And while I’m still very wary of dragging you into this life—and I do need to work on my feelings about that—and I will, I promise you I will. You’re right. You’ve already put yourself on this path—the outskirts of it, at least. I trust you to decide what is best for you. If we’re soulmates, then there has to be a way to overcome this. I think there is a lot to discuss, but I’m so grateful that you are willing to take it seriously and be proactive about it. That you aren’t just dismissing the reality of it outright. We will need to talk about a plan at some point, or now or whenever you are ready.”

“I’m glad you are going to go talk to your therapist, honey. And I’m here for you. I wasn’t kidding. If you need to let your anger out, it’s safe to do that. I won’t judge it. I also want you to know that if at any time it would be helpful for me to go with you to therapy, in regards to this or anything else, I am willing to Blaine.”

“Are you serious, Kurt? You would do that for me?”

“I absolutely would do it for you, for us, no question. I would and will.” Blaine squeezes Kurt tight and nods into his chest. He’s overwhelmed with Kurt’s offer.

“As for the privacy thing, my main concern right now is that we get through our fifteen promised dates. It seems so absurd to even mention a number like fifteen, doesn’t it? With the way we talk now about our future being forever? Anyway, if we make it past fifteen and start on our forever, I think that if it’s at all possible, I would like to keep this discreet until after I’m done with school. There is a lot of stress with this last semester. And—oh my gosh—can you imagine the scandal at the word ‘intern’ in the headlines of our featured articles on page 6 of the society columns?” They both laugh. It’s impressive how much Kurt picked up that first night at the restaurant. “But if that doesn't work and it gets out before I’m done with school, and before I lose ‘intern’ in my title at Vogue, we’ll deal with it, okay? We’ll work on a plan, come what may.”

“So, we lay low for a few more months and work on our plan. I want to take you out, Kurt. I never want you to think I’m ashamed of you. We shouldn't have to hide. But I definitely agree with you; we need to get through our dates. I think they’re building a strong foundation under us. And I would feel better if you were done with school, I don’t want to add any stress to you finishing.”

“Okay, then.” Kurt smiles and kisses Blaine’s cheek. 

“Okay, then.” Blaine finds his favorite spot behind Kurt’s ear and kisses firmly, using his tongue and nipping with his teeth. “And by the way,” he says between more kisses, “you look so hot wearing my sweater I can barely take it. It’s the exact color of your eyes; you are so beautiful, Kurt.” 

The heated neck kisses continue, and Kurt’s coherent reply is, “ _Unhnngmm_!”

The phone rings, and Blaine tells Kurt it means the food is on it’s way up. 

“How in the world have we talked about all of this in just two hours? Okay, two and a half—the food is late, but still, with you, Kurt, life in the fast lane takes on a whole new meaning.” He hugs Kurt tight and then goes to wait at the door for the food. 

“I feel the same way about you. But it's sort of crazy wonderful? I don’t know; it’s amazing to be us. There aren’t any games. There isn’t any uncertainty that we don’t talk about; it’s just all sitting out here before us. I love it, Blaine. I’ve never been so happy.”

“Neither have I.”

Once Blaine has taken care of the food delivery, they set up their meal at the small breakfast table in the kitchen and eat, talking about stuff and nonsense, thoroughly enjoying each other’s company. It’s nice after all the heavy they’ve been dealing with. As they finish cleaning up afterward, a thought occurs to Kurt.

“You know, Blaine Blaine, you aren’t quite off the hook yet, though. I mean, I am enjoying the date part of our evening, to be sure, but you still haven’t told me how you know about McKinley and Lima, Ohio. That has to play into your story somehow.” 

Blaine’s smile goes wide and mischievous. His honey-hazel eyes fill with happiness and twinkle brightly. The kind of gleam in your eyes you only get when you know a big secret that is going to make the other person react with surprise or excitement.

“Well, you remember when you mentioned Dalton?”

Kurt gasps and covers his mouth when it fell open for the second time tonight. 

**[to be continued…]**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for the chapter: Anger and someone going into what might be described as a shock
> 
> Authors Misc Notes: I legitimately made the spreadsheet Kurt talks about. I’ll release it after the entire fic is posted. There are too many spoilers in it.
> 
> If you don’t get the Mr. Roboto "Modren" man joke, the best version of it is the Jimmy Fallon Lip Sync. You can start watching it at 4:22 [[click here](https://www.nbclosangeles.com/news/national-international/emma-stone-lip-sync-battle-fallon-tonight-show-the-amazing-spider-man-2-new-york/71755/)].
> 
> You can find artwork (and aesthetics aka "mood boards") and other related posts to this chapter on my Tumblr page GleefulPoppet, I'll be adding things over the next month.
> 
> This entire fanfic exists for Kurt to get this sweater off of Blaine. (Not really, but it's what inspired it!)  
> You can see the post [[here](https://gleefulpoppet.tumblr.com/post/617839663505457152/na-page-darrencriss-hollywood-ig-live-i-dunno)].  
>   
> [Click Here to See Larger on Tumblr](https://gleefulpoppet.tumblr.com/post/631925222779617280/chapter-8-9-earlier-i-posted-the-inspiration)  
> 


	9. Tuesday [Part 2]: This, is, Real

“Well, you remember when you mentioned Dalton?”

Kurt gasps and covers his mouth when it fell open for the second time tonight. 

“You can’t be serious!” 

Blaine just waggles his eyebrows adorably. 

“Would you actually like to take the tour now? Perhaps I can shed some light on the subject for you once we get to my office?” Blaine grabs his hand and starts tugging him. “Here’s the living room. You’ve already seen it really from the kitchen, but... I don’t spend that much time in here. It’s always seemed sort of lonely. Living rooms are for living and family and—okay, anyway, we can talk about that some other time!” _Wow, I’ve never voiced that out loud before. We really are going to feel all the feels about everything together, aren’t we?_

“I look forward to making memories here with you. It’s an incredible space.” 

Blaine leans over and kisses Kurt’s temple with a loud smack, “Me too, love. And out here through the glass door is one of my favorite places. I’m so lucky to have a small private patio.” 

Kurt takes in the space, the lime green modern patio chairs, the mixed wood table, the gorgeous foliage, the view. “Where do the stairs go?” Kurt asks.

“Oh, I have a small accessway to the roof up there, it’s tiny, but it’s enough to get an incredible view of the park at night. We’ll have to go up there one night if you’d like?”

“Oh, I would like,” Kurt laughs, swinging their intertwined hands in excitement. 

“Come on, let’s go see the rest.” They walk back through the living room until they get to the far side. Blaine slides open an industrial style barn door made from weathered metal, revealing the next room. 

“Oh geez, Blaine, I’m gonna need to sit down,” he starts laughing and ducks his head into Blaine’s neck, closing his eyes. Blaine laughs and pats his back playfully like he’s comforting him but in a teasing way. 

Kurt, with his head, still buried, eyes shut tight, asks, “So this is how you are blessing my life with these then?” He rubs his free hand up and down Blaine’s muscled arm conveying his admiration. He’s been overwhelmed with the site of Blaine’s arms since he stole his sweater earlier. It’s all he can do right now not to pin Blaine to the nearest wall and just have his wicked way with him.

“You sure know how to make a guy feel good about himself, Kurt. Yes, I box. I’ve been boxing since my sophomore year of high school, one of the things I started doing after the Sadie Hawkins dance. I started the Dalton branch of Fight Club. But we haven’t gotten that far in the story yet, have we?” He has the biggest smile on his face, Kurt’s reaction is making him feel wanted, and truthfully it feels _good_. It’s been a long time.

“Okay, I’m going to try to look again without picturing you in here in a tank top, or shirtless, dripping with sweat—and—oh, Blaine. I have zero control over what is happening to my body right now. So I’m sorry, just be the gentlemen you are and ignore it, I beg you? It’s all your fault anyway.”

Blaine lets out a good belly laugh. “On my honor, my love. Not even my eyes will drift south of the equator.”

Kurt let’s out a sigh of exasperation, but there are hints of humor in it, and then a small moan escapes, mixed with a laugh. “You are a good man, Blaine Anderson, unfairly gorgeous and so hot that you drive me absolutely insane, but a good man. Thank you—Okay, here I go. I’m looking again.” 

Kurt peeks from Blaine’s shoulder at the room. It’s such an eclectic mix that it engulfs the senses. The left wall is exposed brick with three huge mirrors framed in thick black wood hanging floor to ceiling. Two different sized black punching bags hang from heavy chains, a stand of free weights in the corner behind them. A treadmill sits in the corner. A six-foot industrial style wood and metal table with a bench on each side grace the room’s center with magazines and books neatly organized on one end. Kurt notices several notebooks and pens lying there too. There’s a shelving unit with more books, a phone docking station with soundbar, and two sliding metal baskets, one with boxing gloves, the other with various tapes for his hands. 

There is also an essential oil diffuser. _Oh, so that is why the room smells like citrus and cinnamon. It’s exquisite_. And then the plants, wow, the plants. Green leaves of various shapes and colors dance through the room. Some are acrobats hanging from the ceiling, some rest in finely crafted pots on the floor, a few on the table keeping watch of the notebooks, a dozen more on the shelves. It’s such an unexpected layer. The room feels so alive that it makes you want to breathe deep. It’s fresh air in an urban jungle. The most extensive canopy of foliage is a tree, grounded in a huge black clay pot, the branches high and tall spreading themselves out to hang over the jetted whirlpool bathtub. _Kurt, calm down. You have got to pull yourself together_. He turns his head to look at the other wall which has another set of shelves, filled with luxurious cotton towels in various sizes. A warming cabinet with huge warm towels rolled up just waiting to offer comfort at the base. How Blaine put this together has Kurt’s mind reeling. It’s so personal he feels like he’s invading his privacy.

Kurt’s voice is shaky when he tries to talk. There is an emotion that wants to break through his voice but can’t seem to make up its mind about which one. “Blaine it’s, I can’t pin it down—sacred, private, profound, inspiration, pain, breathing, healing, sensual, forgiving, energizing, calming, releasing, creating. It’s as if—fragments of your feelings hang in the air. Echoing the memories of the time you’ve spent here. I feel as if I am standing inside your heart, Blaine. This place is sacred to you. I can feel it.”

Blaine pulls Kurt swiftly back into a hug, cradling him into his body, taking comfort from him. “How can you know me so well, Kurt? How do you see me so clearly? Yes, this room is sacred to me. I’m not sure I thought about it that way until you just said that, but yeah, it’s sacred.

“I moved here about two years ago, after—Connor, I couldn’t stay at my old place, tainted with his affairs. It made me sick to my stomach. I sold everything and started over again. This room became the walls of my anger, my humiliation, my pain. I worked out and punched and hit those bags until my knuckles bled, and then I’d do it all over again. But slowly, I became stronger. I learned how to move forward, and over time I added more plants; somehow, they became a symbol of my recovery. They kept me company; I didn't feel so lonely in here. I could escape, let out my feelings. I’ll be working out some of my anger from earlier tonight to be sure. But inspiration started coming to me here too. I added the table to compose or write down lines of songs as they came to me while I worked out. I’ve written some of my favorite songs here. The words live in here with me now.”

They hold each other for a few minutes. Kurt is rubbing one of Blaine’s biceps slowly. Going down with the tips of his fingers, and back up again with the beds of his fingernails. Small moans escape Blaine’s lips as Kurt lightly pulls at his earlobe with his warm lips. Blaine has his arms wrapped tightly around Kurt, clutching the sweater into his fists, pressing his fingertips into Kurt’s spine.

“It makes me want to crawl inside your skin and feel everything you feel here, Blaine. Thank you for telling me about it,” he takes a deep breath. “But like I said earlier, I am not in control of myself right now. What little will power I have left is hanging by a thread—so maybe we should continue with the tour and the story, baby?” Blaine nods against his cheek and reluctantly pulls away, taking Kurt’s hand once more.

They walk back through the front room down the hall and look at the two extra bedrooms, marvelous in their own right, but walking into the master bedroom is another beautiful experience for Kurt. The scent of Blaine washes over him, another wave of peace about their future fills him up. Every minute he spends in Blaine’s home makes him fall in love with him more. The room has a mix of woods and brick. The view of Central Park from here is stunning. The artwork is a delightful, strange mix but seems so Blaine somehow. He takes in the perfectly made queen size bed, black and white geometric patterns on the bedspread mix with stripes on the pillow shams, crisp white sheets with black stitching hug the mattress, the orange accents on the throw pillows add a pop of color. An old used chest as a nightstand on one side and a set of modern orange drawers on the left, more books are neatly organized here. There is also a record player with a small selection of what Kurt imagines to be carefully curated records that Blaine keeps there. He can picture Blaine here, listening to music, getting ready to start his day, or lying down and reading before bed. It’s wonderful to have so many details to associate with him now.

When Blaine shows him the walk-in closet, his heart skips a beat. He wants to run his hand across the clothes; he wants to inhale them. He’s surprised by the intimacy of it. He wants to be the one wrapped around Blaine, touching his skin and holding him. For a moment, he has a thought of bizarre jealousy that they’ve touched Blaine’s body, and he hasn’t.

But nothing can prepare him for the master bathroom. “Blaaaaaaaine,” he groans. He grabs his arm tight and grips firmly. “I’m. Wow. I. Yeah, um. Yes.”

Blaine just laughs and laughs, “You like it then?”

Kurt bumps him playfully, “Stop teasing me. This is amazing, and you know it!”

The floor is tiled with asymmetrical white circles surrounded by a black border, creating diamond shapes where the tiles meet. It's artistic and he loves it. The sink area is tiled floor to ceiling in navy and ocean blue subway tile, a framed oblong mirror hangs over the exposed sink with a light on either side. The shower is also tiled from floor to ceiling, but these tiles are turquoise and a deep teal. _This is the shower where Blaine...keep yourself together— stop Kurt_. It’s open to the whole room and has a drain in the middle; there is a dark wooden bench on the farthest wall. _Stop picturing what can happen in here—breathe_. Two cascading waterfall showerheads and handheld spray nozzles are on the other wall. All of the plumbing, hardware, and accents in the entire bathroom are golden copper. 

“My good sir! This is just all entirely too much, and I must ask to withdraw myself,” Kurt says in his mock formal voice. They both burst out in a fit of giggles. Blaine takes pity on him (although he’s not faring any better, with the two of them standing here the imagination runs wild) and leads him out of the bathroom.

Back down the hall, through the front room again, towards the windows; they finally make it to Blaine’s office. It was an inefficient way to do the tour, but he wanted to end it here so that he and Kurt could talk about Dalton. There were photos and memorabilia, so it would make it more fun.

“You really did go to Dalton!” Kurt lets go of Blaine’s hand and walks over to the wall. There hangs a Dalton blazer pressed against the glass of a large custom frame. He rubs the pad of his finger along the bottom of the frame. Hanging next to it is a custom shadowbox frame with six bow ties neatly pressed in a row. He looks over to the floor to ceiling bookcases on the left side of the room, scanning them. The last time he did that, he randomly stumbled upon two Grammy Awards, who knows what these shelves are hiding. What catches his eye is a photo. 

“Look at you, Honey Bee. You look almost exactly the same!” Blaine scoffs and comes up from behind to wrap his arms around Kurt’s waist, resting his chin on Kurt’s shoulder. 

“That was seventeen years ago if you can believe that. You want to see an old yearbook?” Kurt nods affirmative and turns to kiss Blaine’s cheek.

They sit on the couch in his office for over an hour as Blaine regales him with stories of growing up in Westerville, Ohio. Stories about how he found the courage to audition for lead singer, how they had won nationals his senior year. Details about how he became obsessed with music and lyrics and composing. How he had learned how to rearrange pop songs for their acapella group. About his best friends: Wes, David, Nick, and Jeff. Tears of laughter were streaming down Kurt’s cheeks when Blaine told more than a few stories of the ridiculous antics an entire school of boys can get up to. The one about the fireworks going off indoors took a minute longer to tell than it should have because they were both laughing so hard. With every story and with every touch, the tether around their hearts grew stronger.

“What about your family, Blaine? You mentioned a brother at the library. Do you have other siblings? I know you said your parents were still alive the other night, it sounded like maybe that was a strained relationship?”

Blaine scoots back on the couch with his back against the armrest and a few throw pillows, opening his arms up. Kurt slides over with his back pressed to Blaine's chest and leans back, resting his head on his shoulder while Blaine wraps his arms tightly around Kurt’s waist. Blaine can’t help but give a few kisses to his neck before he starts talking.

“I have a brother, Cooper, who’s ten years older than me. My mom had several miscarriages between us—she struggled with infertility. When I was born, they called me their little miracle. My mom still calls me that, but my dad has had a tough time with my sexuality—he’s from an older generation, you know? We get along, but it’s not a deep relationship—it’s more like he can tolerate me now. Anyway, Cooper is an actor in Hollywood. He has been on a few sitcoms and does lots of commercials. He’s happily married and has two adorable little girls. Being Uncle Blaine is one of my favorite titles.

“Ummmmm, here’s the pompous ass part of my family story. My family is part of the Anderson Legacy in Ohio and New York. You know like, Anderson Bank & Trust Co, Anderson Auditorium & Music Hall, Anderson Ball Park. It’s obnoxious, but there you go. My dad is the great-great-grandson of Charles Anderson that started it all. My dad is very disappointed that both of his sons ran off to the entertainment industry instead of becoming perfectly respectable bankers or lawyers. The family might have built an auditorium, but they certainly expect the Anderson boys to have more classic careers than that. But I couldn’t turn my back on my music. It would have slowly eaten me alive. 

“My dad threatened Cooper and me all the time with our trust funds, trying to keep us in line, but neither of us cared about the money. We wanted the life we wanted—we wanted to follow our passions. We saw how secretly miserable he was in his shirt and tie, and I saw the toll it took on my mom. I just didn't want that for my life. When my grandpa died, he made sure Cooper and I were taken care of, that my dad couldn’t touch the money he left us when we were of age—which coincidentally was the age of 28. He didn’t want us throwing it all away on frivolous things. My dad is better about a lot of it now, but his money will be left to the grandkids and not Cooper and I. Which is fine. I don’t care about it. I have more than sufficient for my needs, but it’s just like, ugh, so weird to have a father that shows his love and approval with his checkbook. I think my Grammy Award wins & nominations helped; that was something he could relatably measure my success. It’s complicated, and I know how much you love that word,” he laughs and kisses Kurt’s cheek. I’ve learned to deal, and we can be civil to each other. But yeah, there you go, my life in a nutshell.”

Kurt had interjected little nods or questions while Blaine was talking, but when he was finished, Kurt burrowed farther back into him, squeezing Blaine’s arms tight that were around his waist, then turned his head to nuzzle into Blaine’s neck. “I’m so proud of you, honey, for following your heart and your music. Not everyone could have done that. It’s inspiring to me and gives me an even deeper perspective on how important your music is to you.”

“Thank you, love.”

A comfortable silence fills the air. They let their soulbond have some time to keep calibrating. Last night helped, but there is still that pull that has both of them need to hold each other. 

The night is quickly slipping away from them, though. “I had a surprise planned for you for the date night part of our evening. I can do better than delivered Chinese food, no matter how delicious, and a tour, you know!”

Kurt laughs. “Well, I loved both of those things, but do tell me, Mr. Anderson, what pray tell is my surprise?”

Kurt hears Blaine groan, and one of his hands leaves Kurt’s waist to pinch his face over his eyes.

“Okay, Kurt, honey, I have no idea why that just turned me on so much. Apparently, we are discovering new kinks with each other, and we haven't even kissed. But you are not allowed to call me Mr. Anderson again until after the restrictions are lifted because that passionate kiss tally I told you about is getting too long! Now up you get, you can’t sit that close to me right now.”

“Up I get—is right,” Kurt mutters as he climbs off the couch, it sends them both into a fit of giggles. 

“Come on,” Blaine says as he grabs Kurt's hand to lead him out. “And don’t, don’t go there with that innuendo either.” 

Once in the front room, Blaine pulls Kurt towards the piano. He quickly swivels one of the chairs around and scoots it to face the piano and tells Kurt to sit in the best seat in the house.

“Okay, Mr. Hummel,” they both smirk at each other. Apparently, after all the emotional release and long conversations tonight, this phase of the evening is going to be all silly grins, innuendos, and slap-happy giggles. “I shall sing one song for you tonight; your own private concert, so choose wisely. Name a song any song,” he says as he slides to sit on the piano bench. Blaine assumes he’ll ask for one of the songs he’s written, or ask which of his songs have won a Grammy. They never got into those details before the conversation turned deep earlier. So Kurt’s answer surprises him. 

“I want you to sing the first pop song you ever arranged for yourself to sing lead vocals on with the Warblers.” 

“Oh geez, Kurt, you have no idea what you are asking for here.” He starts laughing and buries his face into his elbows resting on the ledge of the piano, “You’re absolutely sure? You don’t want to change your mind?”

“Oh, no. This is my choice, and after your reaction, I’m even more sure!” His face is bright and excited.

“Okay, well, you asked for it.” He tries to suppress a few laughs as he warms up with some chords. He starts playing the song, and when Kurt recognizes the intro after a few bars, he gasps and puts his hand over his mouth, where it has fallen open for the third time tonight. But then the giggles start _again_. He walked right into this one of his own accord. Now he’s going to have to sit here and listen to this freaking sexy man he’s falling head over heels in love with, sing about his skin-tight jeans. To which, Kurt also realizes that tonight _is_ the first time he’s seen Blaine in jeans. _You really can’t make this stuff up when you imagine how your night will go,_ Kurt thinks. 

And then the universe stops on its axis because Blaine just opened his mouth and his voice captures Kurt’s attention, body, and soul. 

_Before you met me,_ **_I was alright  
_ ** **_But things were kinda heavy, you brought me to life  
_ ** _Now every February, you'll be my Valentine  
_ _Valentine_

_Let's go all the way tonight  
_ **_No regrets, just love  
_ ** _We can dance until we die  
_ _You and I will be young_ **_forever  
_ ** _You make me feel like I'm living a teenage dream  
_ **_The way you turn me on_ ** _, I can't sleep  
_ _Let's run away and don't ever look back, don't ever look back  
_ **_My heart stops when you look at me  
_ ** **_Just one touch_ ** _, now baby,_ **_I believe this is real  
_ ** **_So take a chance and don't ever look back, don't ever look back  
_ **

**_I finally found you, my missing puzzle piece  
_ ** **_I'm complete_ **

Words and phrases are coming out of Blaine’s mouth and jumping right into Kurt’s heart. Sure they are being silly tonight, and the song is hilariously inappropriate for two grown men. Neither of them needs any talking into wanting to “go all the way,” but that is **_not_** _happening tonight_ —so it makes it all the funnier. But mostly, the song just bonds them closer together. It tells a story without even meaning to. It makes Kurt think about Valentine’s Day, it seems forever away right now, but he has no doubt that every February, he will be Blaine’s Valentine—it seems strange to know that so early in a relationship. They get to skip all the uncertainty and start working on forever. 

Blaine finishes singing the last chorus.

_I'm a get your heart racing in my skin-tight jeans  
_ _Be your teenage dream tonight  
_ _Let you put your hands on me in my skin-tight jeans  
_ _Be your teenage dream tonight_

Even though they had been so playful before, even during the song, they were exchanging glances and laughs and rolling eyes and making exaggerated sexy faces and wiggling their eyebrows. But on the last note, everything turned serious. The way they were looking at each other, lost to the feelings of their hearts and the future they were both sure about—all the things that remain unsaid, for now—one thing especially.

But there is an unspoken rule between them that it was still too soon even though they both know it’s true. 

At the same time, they speak the words that are allowed,  
“I think I love you, Blaine Blaine.”  
“I think I love you, Kurt Hummel.”

They both get up and hug each other tightly. Sending their unspoken thoughts through their hearts, hoping the other will soak it up through their own.

“You have an amazing voice, Blaine. Thank you for singing for me.”

“Next time we’ll sing together? Will you sing for me, Kurt? For my next date, please, it would mean everything to me to hear you too.”

“Of course I will, honey. I love to sing, although we might have to veer more into the Broadway show tunes than Katy Perry, but, yes, it’s a date.”

“I’ll sing anything you want to, Sunshine.”

After a few minutes, Blaine is the one to break the magic in the room, “Baby, it’s a few minutes to 11:00. Let’s get you home, okay?” But the thought in his mind and heart is, _He’s already home, I don’t want him to go_. 

Kurt doesn’t even put up a fight when Blaine insists that he take Kurt home.

“I already ordered you a car. And before you say anything, I already pay for the service monthly, so it doesn’t cost me extra to get you home, okay? And in the future, we can skip all the taxis and subways which actually do cost us, if you want to, but I will leave that up to you, Kurt. We take this at your pace. But tonight, I planned the date, and it includes a way to get you home.”

“Blaine, Blaine! Calm down there, tiger. Yes, thank you—the car sounds lovely, and thank you for coming with me. I’m going to be the selfish one now because I want more time with you.”

They hold each other tightly all the way to Kurt’s apartment. And if Blaine is humming “Teenage Dream” without even realizing it, Kurt’s not going to be the one to tell him. Because Blaine is his dream now, his dreams for himself aren’t less important than they were, but it’s like now they’ll mean so much more with Blaine there with him. And he wants to be there for Blaine’s as well. 

And when he steps into his apartment that night, for the first time since he’s lived there, it seems less like home. Because his heart? It went _home_ with Blaine.

\----~---------------------~---

A curly-haired man reflects once again on the evening’s events. These long car rides after their dates are a good time for him to be still and listen. For a moment, he remembers the panic and terror that took over his body when Kurt passed out in his arms; somehow, the strength came to him to get them through that. But really, it’s Kurt’s strength he admires so much. He was so nervous and shocked it had made him sick, but by the time the night was over, he had accepted Blaine wholeheartedly. He had come to a sense of peace so serene, so sure, that it didn’t even phase him when Blaine himself had been seething with anger and self-hatred. Perhaps the universe had given Kurt some extra strength tonight as well. 

He sighs heavily. It feels so good to know the answers now. They’ve gotten through Milestone Conversation No. 1. He reflects on his worries and hopes on the three ways this could have gone tonight. 

One: He was afraid Kurt would run, that it would all be too much. It wasn’t likely, but it wasn’t out of the question either. The privacy issue alone—Blaine sort of hoped he might run for his own good, but it would have shattered Blaine himself. He’s going to have to work through some of those feelings at therapy because he still has some guilt about it. But Kurt was right. Kurt had already chosen a career that would involve some loss of privacy. So he’s going to work on letting it go as Kurt begged him to.

Two: Also, not likely with Kurt, but this option was what experience had taught him was all he was good for. Kurt would become immediately obsessed with the fame, the money, and the comfortable life that Blaine lives. The questions would have turned material and goal-oriented quickly, sounding like they included Blaine in the goal or dream, but really they were selfish and self-centered. He’s experienced this too many times to count, from first dates with guys—to fourth dates with a guy—to five years with Connor. This option would have hurt so much more in the long run than Kurt running in option one. Option one would have at least shown him some mercy. 

Three: The best-case scenario was something he wondered if he could ever find. And somehow fate was kind enough to allow him to bump into Kurt. Kurt was mortified, shocked, and terrified that he could gain anything from Blaine’s career. He was appalled at the idea that Blaine would ever think he wanted more from him than just to be able to love him. The rest of the night, Kurt had treated him the same as he ever had. His career wasn’t the focus of the night. He didn’t ask about the awards or beg for stories about dinner with the bands he’s eaten with. Not because Kurt didn’t care about his career, he knows Kurt cares, but Kurt doesn’t care about the fame. He was more interested in the details of his life, his feelings, his experiences, what his home meant to him. Even his song choice was about Blaine’s roots and where it all began. Yes Kurt, is a man who sees the “extraness of it all” when it comes to Blaine’s career just like he had pleaded with the universe he might. 

He smiles and rests his head on the back of the seat. He doesn’t even realize he’s talking out loud, “The crazy thing is, for the first time in my life, someone doesn’t want anything from me, which makes me want to give it all to him freely.” 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for the chapter: Brief mention of infertility/miscarriage
> 
> Want to watch Teenage Dream again (because why wouldn't you)? You can [[here](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yr1p7BvCQ0U)].
> 
> You can find artwork (and aesthetics aka "mood boards") and other related posts to this chapter on my Tumblr page GleefulPoppet, I'll be adding things over the next month.
> 
> [Click Here to See Larger on Tumblr](https://gleefulpoppet.tumblr.com/post/631910059091329024/chapters-8-9-were-posted-this-morning-on-ao3)


	10. Wednesday: All the Things You Do to Me

**B: Good morning, Sunshine  
**K: I love waking up to your texts  
**B: You OK this AM? Yesterday was a lot  
**K: I’m fine, honey. I was a little worried about you  
**B: I got up early and boxed ;) Feeling good  
**K: Oh, I’m sorry I missed that (is it getting hot in here, Mr. Anderson?)  
**B: Oh, honey, don’t start-- I beg you  
****B: I’m going to make an extra appt. today to see my therapist too. Wanted you to know  
**K: I’m proud of you, bee   
**B: TY, honey. Today was our crazy day with schedules. Do you still want to try to see each other?  
**K: Yes, even if it’s only for a couple of hours? Thoughts?  
**B: I always want to see you, always. I can be over at 8-8:30ish?  
**K: I had an idea for a fun date. We’ll have dessert here  
**B: I hate to rush one of our dates, but I would hate to skip a day  
**K: Agreed. Can you believe the 1st night I said we could do these weekly or monthly LOL   
**B: I don’t think we’d survive it  
**K: We’re ridiculous, and I love it so much  
**B: Me too!  
****B: Maybe we can look at our calendars for the next few weeks tonight and see where we are  
**K: Yes, if I’m not going to see you or vice versa, it would be nice to know ahead of time  
**B: Glad you got what I was implying there ;)  
**K: I’ve got to keep up on my school projects, though. Luckily it's not insane at V right now  
**B: V? Oh, nevermind. Vogue got it.  
****B: Baby, if you ever need to work on school, I can work too. We can just enjoy company together  
**K: That sounds wonderful. I may take you up on it soon  
K: I’ll be able to catch up on a lot tonight until I see you  
**B: I can’t wait  
**K: ITILYBB  
**B: ITILYTKH —that took me a minute :D  
**K: We gonna keep going w/ ?’s today, or you too busy?  
**B: It’s crazy busy today, but I will answer when I can, I love it** **  
** K: Gotta fill up that spreadsheet  
**B: Yes, which you haven’t shared with me yet! *pouts*  
**K: Gah, no puppy dog eyes, I will tonight  
**B: Have a fantastic day, Sunshine— you are worthy of your dreams, go get ‘em!  
**K: You too, my Honey Bee! Can’t wait to hear about your day. TTYL

\------------------------------

They had been texting non-stop for days now. They asked questions back and forth, trying to get to know each other, tucking things away for future reference. Some of the answers making it into this mysterious spreadsheet Kurt had started. Most of the questions were silly, and some were informative. 

Favorite scent of scratch ’n’ sniff stickers when you were a kid? Oh! Or what was your favorite scent of Mr. Sketch markers, remember those? Fruit Loops or Lucky Charms? Glazed or Chocolate Donuts? Straight or Bendy Straws? Favorite Soda? Cookies with nuts or no nuts? Plain or Honey Nut Cheerios? Netflix or Hulu? Pancakes or Waffles? Favorite Marvel character? Favorite Disney movie? Do you read fanfiction? Broken any bones before? Birthday? What cologne do you wear? Uno or Skip-Bo? Any tattoos? Peppermint or Spearmint? Sunrise or sunset? Candy Bar? Have you ever been to Disneyland? Dog or Cat? Bird or Fish? Toothbrush color? Candyland or Trouble? Whole, 2%, or Skim? Can you draw? Do you like sports? If you had $3 to spend at the gas station, what would you buy? Food allergies? Ice Cream flavor? Gelato flavor? Harry or Draco? Favorite knock-knock joke? Monopoly or Life? Which Star Wars is your favorite? Favorite candle scent? Classic or Tropical flowers? Mountains or Beach? Apples or Oranges? Favorite smoothie? One thing on your bucket list? Favorite season? What did you want to be when you grew up? Favorite saying? Flavor of chips? 

Kurt had stealthy been planting questions the last couple of days that he could put to good use for his date idea tonight. On his way home from his hectic shift at Vogue, he stopped at his local grocer and then went and visited one of his favorite neighbors that had kids; perhaps they’d have what he needed.

\------------------------------

When Blaine arrives at 8:19 PM straight from his dinner with clients, he takes Kurt into his arms and immediately finds his way into Kurt’s neck. They both seem to relax the longer they hold each other. The day had been tense and busy for both of them, and for just a few hours, they get to be together. It feels like the only thing that matters. 

When Blaine finally opens his eyes and sees the counter in front of him, he laughs. “If what I think is about to go down, is about to go down, I want you to know that I am so on board with it!” 

“I had a feeling you were just a big kid at heart, Blaine. After all the serious chats the last few days, I thought it might be a nice change, not that we can’t have a serious chat too, we can. But you know before this goes any further, my good sir, we better find out how competitive we are, right?”

They both laugh. Blaine grins and says, “Indeed. I shall endeavor to do my best to be a worthy competitor.” He takes a silly little bow, “May we win with humility and lose gracefully.” 

On the counter is a stack of games: Candyland, Battleship, Operation, Trouble, Uno, and Connect 4. There are also four boxes of what Kurt calls “Saturday Morning” breakfast cereal: Fruit Loops, Lucky Charms, Frosted Flakes, and Cinnamon Toast Crunch. There are also some packs of bubble gum in various brands and flavors. He may challenge Blaine to bubble gum blowing dual before the night is over. One must be prepared.

They sit at Kurt’s tiny table and play board games for almost two hours, legs tangled under the table, hands touching whenever they can, fingertips brushing faces. There is joy in their hearts, laughter in the air, and finding moments to share all about their day. They decide that since Blaine couldn’t shave before their date, they better save the bubble-blowing dual for another night. Realizing they’ve only got about forty minutes left, they decide to pull down the bed, throw that absurd blanket between them and cuddle for twenty minutes before they try to work on a schedule for the next few days and maybe even weeks.

Or at least that was the plan. Within minutes they’re both clinging to each other, pressing into one another as much as they dare. They quickly take “necking” to a whole new meaning. Each of them whimpering or moaning depending on who’s turn it is to kiss or be kissed. It gets heated fast, but they respect the boundaries they put forward, if only barely, so neither of them pulls back. Blaine keeps laving his tongue over a spot on Kurt’s neck. “Baby, how did you get this scar? I’ve tried to leave it alone, but it’s so damn hot,” he pulls back suddenly. “Oh my gosh, I’m sorry, if it’s something traumatizing, and I’m just all over it...oh damn it, I’m sorry, Kurt.” 

“Honey, honey, stop. I told you I would tell you if I was uncomfortable. I did wonder what you were doing because I forget it’s there a lot of the time. When I was a child, I had to have surgery. I’m fine, it’s fine, so don’t worry about it, okay?”

“Still, Kurt. That was inconsiderate of me to bring it up abruptly like that. I was just lost in the heat of it all, and I am sorry.” 

“Thank you, honey. I appreciate how much you respect me and my body, but I promise you I’m fine. I felt very okay with what you were doing. Uhm, can I ask you—do you, I mean, do you have scars I should know about that are difficult for you?”

“You mean from the Sadie Hawkins dance?”

“Yeah, from that, or anything else. It’s not something you think about in the heat of the moment when you want to touch someone's body—and you’re right, that is something we should talk about. Are there any scars on you that you would rather I didn’t touch or talk about while we are intimate together?”

“Yes, I have scars, Kurt. On my back on the left side and also on my right ribs, but when we are ready to be with each other like that, there is nothing off-limits with my body. I trust you completely to love and respect me. If you want to kiss them, please do. If you want to trace them, you can. If you want to ignore them, that’s okay too. It’s not something I think about anymore; they are just part of me.”

“Thank you for your trust in me. So we’re both okay with this topic. Anything else you want to share?”

“I’m good,” but Kurt barely hears him because he’s back on Kurt’s neck, and it’s muffled. The timer on Kurt’s phone goes off not even thirty seconds later, “ _Grrgggegrhgggrrrhadhdhdhf_ ” is the combined noise they so eloquently make. 

“Damn it, Blaine. We’ve got to figure out how quickly we can get through date nine. I mean, I guess that defeats the purpose, but holy hell, I want to kiss you so bad. Who’s crazy idea was this to wait for nine dates?” 

“Trust me when I tell you, Kurt, the feeling is mutual. And that is all on you, baby! But for the millionth time, I know, I know, I’ll repeat it. It is so good for us, so I’m glad you had the foresight. Although, every time I say it, I think I say it with less conviction. And kissing on the neck is sort of counterproductive to the reasons for us not kissing on the lips in the first place because it’s such an erogenous zone. But anyway! Since that timer was to tell us it was time to work on our calendars, we now have extra motivation to get it done. Right?”

Kurt dives in for one more kiss on Blaine’s neck and mumbles, “Right.”

They work on their schedules, and pretty soon, Kurt has a list typed up for them.

___

 **Thursday-Blaine’s 6 PM-11 PM  
****Date 6 Blaine  
**Happy Bump Day!  
[Car pick up K at V at 5:45-11 Take Home]  
[Kurt has to get a few hours of school work done, though!]

___

 **Friday-Blaine’s 8?-12? AM  
****Milestone Conversation No. 2 Sex [Kurt initiates]  
****Date 7 Kurt  
**[K Overtime V Project, B Work Dinner Late]  
[B pick-up K when done/dinner at V office?]  
[Car Service K home]

___

 **Saturday-TBD  
****Date 8 Blaine  
**[Study/Work time together, then date?]

___

 **Sunday-Meet at Daisy’s Diner 9:00 PM  
****Date 9 Kurt** **  
** [K fashion show prep/study group projects at school 11 AM-8 PMish]

___

 **Monday- First Kiss(es)! Blaine’s Loft Time TBD  
****Conversation No. 3 Fears/Dreams [Blaine initiates]  
****Date 10 Blaine** **  
** [Blaine has to check about times ;)]

**___**

**Tuesday [Tentative Depending on Monday Times]  
****Date 11 Kurt  
**[K has late night at school for prep again]

___

**Dates 12-15 TBD**

**___**

“I’m insanely turned on by your organization skills just so you know, and while lying down no less. I mean, I’m not exactly disorganized, but I think I’ve become very dependent on my assistant. I love that you just get things done. You’re like Jean Luc Picard ‘Make it so!’—oh my gosh, I bet that is one of those scary generational things I try not to think about too often with us.” 

Kurt starts laughing, “Well, I’m glad my typing turns you on,” he makes a winky face. “And I know who Captain Picard is, so you’re off the hook!”

“Happy Bump Day—” Blaine starts to say, but Kurt interrupts him, “Yes! Tomorrow is one week since we bumped into each other, Blaine Blaine!”

“I was about to say it’s adorable. I think you’re adorable!”

“Adorable?” Kurt raises an eyebrow, seriously questioning Blaine’s judgment in phrasing that. But, it just cracks Blaine up, “Yes, adorable. Thank you for making my point,” as he points to the face Kurt is making. “I love your sentiment _and_ your facial expressions, honey, believe me. So just take it as a compliment. That is how I meant it.”

Kurt makes a sound that might be construed as an agreement, but Blaine files away “adorable” as maybe not Kurt’s favorite word. 

“I know we only have a few minutes left, Blaine, but I need to talk to you about something for a minute if that’s okay. Two things, actually.”

“Of course, love. We can talk as long as you need.”

“How do you feel about all of this, Blaine? Like really, truly feeling. I need you to be as open and honest with me as you can. Do you have any doubts? Are you questioning anything with us? Do you feel like we’re building a level of trust together?”

Blaine searches Kurt’s face for a moment trying to discern any of the emotions behind these sudden questions, but he can’t figure out one in particular. “Honey, I will happily answer this question, but then I need you to answer one of mine when I’m done, okay?” 

Kurt nods.

“I feel so good about this. I don’t know how it’s only been a week. I can’t process that. I feel like we’ve always been together and always will. Is that scary as hell sometimes? Yes! But only when I start worrying about what others will think when they find out about us—meaning how fast everything has been going. I am so grateful that you felt inspired to write up that contract to build this foundation under us, or I honestly think we would have taken this even faster, which wouldn’t have necessarily been good for us. I don’t know— I don’t even know what that means. How can what is happening not be good for us? Sorry, that isn’t the point. I know I’m being long-winded. But Kurt, I have never felt more seen, more loved, safer, and more appreciated in my entire life. I look at you, and I see everything I want for my future.”

Kurt inhales sharply at that, and a tear escapes down his cheek. Blaine starts rubbing his arm soothingly. 

“As for trust, Kurt. I plan on talking to my therapist about this, too, when I see her Friday, but I trust you. I do, it scares me how fast it happened, but YOU built so much of it. You have shown me nothing but trust and faith in me. Are there things that will be hard for me, questions that will come up for me because I am scared that I will get hurt again? Yes, for sure. I can’t deny that there will be times when we are apart, and I’m going to wonder if you are where you say you are—with whom you say you are with. I don’t want that for you. You’ve never done anything to deserve that, but that is my truth. I will do all I can with the resources I have available to overcome this, but I can’t deny it.”

Kurt nods his head and lays his shoulder down on Blaine’s. 

“Now, sweetheart, can you please tell me where your questions came from? Is that what you really needed to ask me? How are _you_ feeling?”

Kurt looks up, searching Blaine’s eyes. Blaine wonders if he’s deciding to tell him everything or just a portion of what’s going on. He knows he won’t lie, but there is something here Kurt isn’t saying, and Blaine can’t put his finger on it.

Kurt closes his eyes and breathes a few times deeply. “Well, first, apparently, I needed a reason to cry again. We’re six for six now, honey,” but they both know the humor this time is a deflection for what needs to be said.

“I just... it’s too soon, Blaine. I’m in this so deep, and it’s too soon for some of the feelings I’m having, and it’s confusing me.”

“Okay, honey. Let’s just take one at a time. Tell me the first thing. What’s too soon?”

“Blaine I—” he just stops.

“Hey, hey, love, take your time. Do you want to sit up? You seem to like to sit up when we have these discussions?” Kurt is grateful that Blaine has noticed this about him. He nods, and they both sit up in their “talking” position. They face each other, legs folded in front of them, knees touching, holding their hands in the middle between them.

“I wanted to talk to you about something that would take a lot of trust—but maybe it’s too soon—it is too soon. Thank you for being honest with me about that. I appreciate it. But then what you said brought up some other things I’ve been thinking about, and those seem too soon, too, so I’m just like I don’t know what to say.”

Blaine doesn't either. He desperately wants to know what has Kurt feeling this way but doesn't want to push him.

“I am willing to talk about anything with you, no matter what. But I am not going to push you. I have a feeling you need to get this out, so let’s just sit here for a minute, and if you can figure out a way to tell me where it feels comfortable, then please do. Don’t be afraid of the silence. Take your time.”

Kurt leans forward so that their foreheads are pressed together. He barely met this man a week ago, and he’s already ready to promise the things swirling around in his head, big huge commitment things. It’s crazy. But no, they promised, this was a safe space. They wouldn’t go by “normal dating” timelines and what society deems appropriate or not. _Just talk to him, Kurt. Trust him with your heart._

He takes a deep breath and decides to dive in. “Okay, first. I saw our schedule for the week all laid out like that, and the sex talk is on Friday night. I had planned on talking to you about this then, but our tenth date is on Monday, so Friday will be too late to talk to you about it.”

“Talk to me about what, honey? What is it?”

“I just wondered if maybe we could, I want to—how would you feel about going…. Have you been tested recently, Blaine?” The question takes Blaine by surprise. In his mind, he's made it quite clear that he hasn’t been on any dates at all. There were a few sprinkled in for work events, but they were all just friends and for show. They weren’t real. So what is Kurt getting at here? This isn’t the first time Kurt has been vague around sex discussions, and Blaine is starting to wonder what has Kurt so on edge about sex. He seems to want it, but he can’t seem to talk about it. It must have taken an enormous amount of courage to have scheduled an entire milestone conversation around it. Blaine is continuously in awe of this man. 

“No, I haven’t, love. I haven’t been with anyone in two years. I’ve been trying to heal, and one night stands, and club grinding hold no interest for me. Do you want me to get tested? I will sweetheart, for you, of course, I will.”

“Well, I didn’t want to assume—and we haven’t talked about this a lot because I asked to talk about it later. But… No, it’s fine. I believe you. It’s just—It’s just I wanted to go get tested for you. I want to give you every reason to trust me, Blaine. But my last experience getting tested was—not great. So I wondered if you would come with me?” Kurt’s breathing is shallow; he’s having a hard time getting his words out. “I know I’m clean. I haven’t—umm, done anything in almost a year, but I want to do this for us.”

Kurt sharing that he hasn’t been with anyone in a year surprises Blaine. How can this gorgeous man not have been swept up in someone’s arms?

Kurt takes a deep breath and blurts out, “Blaine, I—I don’t want to use condoms with you.”

Blaine is shocked. Okay, wait? What is happening here? He’s **never** not used condoms. Even in the five years he and Connor were together, they used them (in hindsight, he realizes that may have been a big clue). But something is underlying even this request. Something is happening here that Kurt is _not_ saying.

Kurt can see the shocked look on his face, and he wishes he had just kept quiet. This wasn’t the night to talk about this, not when he’s not ready to talk about the rest. 

“I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have brought this up tonight. Can we just put this all back in the bottle until Friday, Blaine? I’m so sorry. You do not even have to respond to that.” Kurt is feeling as vulnerable as he has ever felt. He’d like to crawl under a rock or his covers about now.

“Honey, take a deep breath with me, okay?” They both breathe deep a few times. 

“First, thank you for telling me. Thank you for being honest. Thank you for feeling safe enough with me to tell me. Okay?” Kurt nods.

“I’ve never not used condoms, Kurt, like ever. So I’m a little shocked by the idea of it. That you would want to be with me like that. That you would extend that level of trust to me— I’m overwhelmed in the best way possible. It’s just, I need some time to think about it. Is that okay? And do you mean like right away you don’t want to use them or down the road?”

“I meant ever. I mean, I know that isn’t practical—they are convenient, but mostly I meant never being an _option_. I told you it was too soon. I can see it’s ludicrous in the world view, but in my heart, Blaine, I don’t want to. But I understand that it’s going to take time to build that level of trust between us. 

“Which brings me to the other thing that is too soon, but it just won’t leave me alone, Blaine. I guess it sort of ties in, but not really. I mean it does, but—” _Oh my hell, why can’t I just let this go for now? Why do I keep talking? Why did all of this need to come up tonight? Damn that schedule looking back at me, showing my future and wanting so much more so soon._

“Okay, wait. Can you pause just a sec? We didn’t resolve this first issue, baby. Please, let’s finish talking about this. I don’t want you to feel like what you want doesn’t matter, and that only my feelings are important here. What you want matters a great deal to me, but I keep feeling like there is something you aren’t telling me.”

“You’re right. There is, I’m sorry. It’s just too much for tonight. I can’t. I’m not ready.”

“That is understandable; I don’t want to push you, Kurt. So how about this? Why don’t we meet for lunch tomorrow? I’ll pick you up at Vogue. We’ll look at our calendar again and figure out a time. But, we’ll go to one of those one-day clinics that offer expedited results, okay? And we’ll both get tested. That way, we have options to discuss when we do talk on Friday. It will also fulfill each of our desires to comfort each other that we’re clean. I want that for you, and you want that for me too. So we’ll go tomorrow, alright?”

“Thank you, Blaine. That would mean everything to me. It’s excruciatingly difficult for me to ask for help, and I didn’t want to go alone.”

“You’re welcome, love. I’m so happy to do this for you. I’m glad you told me. Now, what was the next thing you wanted to talk to me about?”

“I’m sorry, just seeing our plans laid out for the next few days, knowing that I will get to kiss you on Monday, and maybe more if we are ready, just set off a whole whirlwind of emotions in me. Most of them around trust, Blaine. So many of these things I’ve been thinking about the last week have centered around trust. And I hate that it is coming up like this, that it seems like I’m emotional about it.”

“I am a safe space for you, love. Please don’t say you’re sorry. You don’t need to justify the way you feel, Kurt. And you are emotional because you are one of the most compassionate people I have ever met, and you care deeply. Being emotional is not a bad thing. So tell me, honey.”

“I just, Blaine—I have nothing to hide from you. I was serious about you doing a background check on me. I’m serious about signing any financial documents. And there are things I feel like I could offer you—huge things, but they seem so soon, and I don’t want to scare you. But in my mind and heart, I’d give them to you right now, this minute. I want us to go to couples counseling. I want to store your fingerprint in my phone Blaine so that you could unlock it anytime you want to.” 

Blaine goes wide-eyed, his face turns pale before it slowly flushes red, a few tears begin to spill.

Kurt keeps talking, “I want you to be linked to my account so you can use “find a friend” whenever you need some comfort about where I am when I’m away from you. Is that so ridiculous after a week together? I don’t know. I don’t know. It just seems important that you _know_ that I would give that to you now in a heartbeat. Right now, without hesitation. I never want to have anything to hide from you, ever. I know some people would be screaming right now that I should have my privacy, that I shouldn’t need to do that for you. I know I don’t need to, or shouldn’t have to, but I want to. Maybe they’d say I’m too young and immature to understand.

“But who are they to tell me my heart, Blaine? Who are they to tell me how to love you best? Who is anyone to tell us how our relationship should be? I need you to tell me what would make you feel safe in **_our_** relationship Blaine because I will give it to you willingly. Not because you are asking, but precisely because I know you ** _never_** would! I want you to tell me what fears lie in the deepest darkest parts of your mind and heart going into this. What terrifies you about trusting someone again? And I want to address every single one of them together.

“I’m begging you to talk to me without being scared. I swear to you, Blaine Anderson, that the words, ‘ _But, I’m not him’_ will _never_ come out of my mouth in accusation or rebuttal regarding the trust issues you discuss with me, ever. Experience has been cruel to you where trust is concerned, and I am here willing to open my heart and my life and my everything to you if you’ll take it.”

Blaine scoops Kurt up in his arms and lays them down on their sides on the bed, tangling their legs together. He clutches Kurt close, placing his hand over Kurt’s heart. He needs to feel the rhythm of the miracle that was just so freely offered to him in a way he can’t even begin to process or understand right now. 

They cry hard into each other, Kurt into Blaine’s hair and Blaine into Kurt’s chest.

It’s a beautiful, chaotic, cathartic release for both of them.

\----~---------------------~---

A curly-haired man falls asleep in the arms of the man he met only a week ago, and he dreams. 

There’s a darkened room. It’s hard to see, but there on the wall hangs a beautiful butterfly. The wings are colored liquid amber, marbled with hazel swirls. The outer rim of the wings is indigo with green flecks. Pressed against the glass of the museum frame, it remains lifeless and bound. 

A figure made of light suddenly emerges, illuminating the room. He emanates light as bright as sunshine, coming forward, moving carefully but with conviction. Slowly he reaches up, with a brush of his fingertips, the glass of the frame shatters to the floor. Whispering words of love and adoration, he ever so gently brushes the wings. The butterfly is instantly awakened from its second sleep in a glass cocoon, a rare reawakening, new life, given so freely with a spark of light. 

Now, gently perched on the figure’s finger, the butterfly tests its wings, relearning what it means to fly. The tiny rush of wind builds stronger and stronger until the walls start to come crumbling down around them. The sunshine is bursting through the entire room. Everything changes; they are free. Transformed now into soulmates, two men standing in a golden sunset meadow of pure light and love, wrapped up in each other’s arms forever. The word _finally_ imprinted on their hearts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this chapter: None
> 
> Author's Notes:  
> ITILYBB= I think I love you, Blaine Blaine  
> ITILYTKH=I think I love you Too, Kurt Hummel  
> I colored the butterfly wings based on [[this picture](https://i.pinimg.com/originals/92/d5/a1/92d5a12f9fdb2d46f614d4ccf684271b.jpg)] of "Blaine's eyes" aka DC   
> This gif is an absolute delight for this chapter [[Neck kisses](https://64.media.tumblr.com/f4e3a671db86bb93afe3b718b3c1f0ed/tumblr_n3dtk9kZxy1rab3tyo2_500.gifv)]  
> This chapter was supposed to be a “rest” chapter, a fun fluffy date, so you could take a deep breath between all of these conversations, and right around the time when I was supposed to write Blaine’s exit for home, Kurt had other ideas--he needed to talk. His heart is so full he had to let it out. His love for Blaine shocks me as I’m writing. I guess my version of Kurt is that he is fearlessly in love once he decides to let someone behind his walls.
> 
> And I sobbed when Blaine’s dream came tumbling out of my heart, through the keyboard to the page.
> 
> [Click to see larger on Tumblr](https://gleefulpoppet.tumblr.com/post/632009574141001728/chapter-10-all-the-things-you-do-to-me-posted)


	11. Thursday: We're Both Showing Hearts

“Sweetheart, wake up,” Blaine gently rubs his fingers down Kurt’s face. “Baby, can you wake up?” 

Kurt finally stirs but is very confused, it’s still dark, but the lights are on. He feels groggy, tired, fuzzy-headed. Then it comes back to him, they had fallen asleep, hadn't they? Right in the middle of the most vulnerable conversation he thinks he’s maybe ever had. It’s a strange feeling that has a hold of his heart right now. Blaine is sitting on the bed next to him, gently rubbing his face.

“Hello, Sunshine. Honey, it’s 3 AM. I’ve called for a car to come get me, but I couldn’t leave without telling you. I know you're sleepy, but can we talk for a minute, or should we just wait until morning?”

Kurt stretches out his body, hands going high above his head reaching, twisting his wrists a few times, pointing his toes, making his long legs seem even longer, a small sliver of skin shows on his stomach where his shirt rides up. It’s all Blaine can do to keep his hands from reaching out to brush his fingers across it. He’s so beautiful, his body, his mind, his heart, his devotion, his love. He doesn’t want to leave, but he has to. They have obligations in the morning, and he wants to respect Kurt’s boundaries and his body, so he looks back to Kurt’s face, those eyes he’s always mesmerized with.

“Let me just. Can I. Let me brush my teeth and use the restroom real quick?”

“Of course, honey.”

When Kurt comes back, Blaine scoots back on the bed and opens his arms to him. Kurt sits sideways between his legs and lays his shoulder against Blaine’s chest, legs tucked up underneath him, knees resting on Blaine’s thigh, head on Blaine’s shoulder. 

“Kurt, I need you to know that what you offered to me earlier tonight, the things that you’ve said to me, they have changed me. To have someone trust me as much as you do is something I couldn’t have even imagined for myself. I need time to process everything. What you have offered me Kurt, heavens, could you be any braver? I need a little time even to know what to say.” Kurt burrows into Blaine further and nods.

“You are the light in my life, Kurt, illuminating my way back to joy and love. Please don’t doubt that while we’re apart today with so many things left unsaid, okay? I wish I could stay here all day with you so we can talk more, but you have your internship, and I’ve got meetings early this morning. So we have to take a raincheck. I’ll see you at lunch, though. Just text me later with what time. I’ll make it work, okay, honey?” Kurt nods again.

“One more thing, and then I hope you can go back to sleep—maybe you can dream about our first kiss on Monday,” they both grin and make a happy humming noise. “Please call a car to take you into the city today, for me, please? I left a card on the table for you with my account info; they’re expecting your call. You’ll get to sleep longer and not have to worry about the subway this morning, okay?”

“Thank you, bee.”

“I know you are a bit groggy right now, but you understand that we are okay, right? That we are more than okay? And we’ll talk tonight? I can’t leave until I know you're alright.”

“Yes, I’m fine—I mean, I feel like I have a vulnerability hangover the size of Texas, but you’re right. We needed the sleep—obviously. And it will be better to talk when it’s not the middle of the night.” Blaine kisses the top of Kurt's head and rubs his hands across Kurt’s back a few times in comfort. 

“I’ll see you soon, love. Come lock the door behind me, and then you can go back to sleep.”

\------------------------------------------

K: Thank you for the car, Honey Bee--just got to V  
K: Did you get any more sleep, you ok?  
K: Looks like lunch anytime between 1-3  
**B: Sunshine! Sorry for the delay, meeting  
****B: I’ll pick you up at 1:15ish. I’ll text when on the way. Got appts at 1:45  
**K: Insane day here, the snarkiness cup runneth over. Something in the coffee, perhaps?  
K: I had to pull out my “Oh, honey, please!” face twice already. TWICE!  
**B: LOL, show them who's boss  
****B: Don’t think I don’t know that interns and assistants make the world go round  
****B: My assistant keeps asking who I am and what happened to her boss  
**K: ?  
**B: Sorry, call. What I meant is she wonders why I’m so happy  
****B: Asking her to make 2 appts today may have tipped her off though  
**K: Oh, great, so when I meet her, she'll be like—YOU! I made you an STD appt.  
**B: No, pretty sure she’s going to say, “Hot damn Blaine he’s a keeper”  
**K: I’d like to resemble that remark  
**B: Oh, trust me, you do, Mr. Hummel  
**K: Well, for the record, you’re a keeper too  
**B: Ty, love  
**K: Isabelle just about lost her marbles when I talked to her about you  
K: Don’t worry that woman can keep a secret. She knows who you are  
**B: Did she tell you to run and hide?  
**K: No, she told me to follow my heart and stop worrying about what other people think  
**B: I love her already  
**K: She’ll love you too  
K: Gotta go, my mad typing skills are needed for a meeting ;)  
**B: See ya soon, baby, and Happy Bump Day  
**K: Oh! Yes, Happy Bump Day!  
**B: After lunch, we can ask more questions. I’ve missed them this AM  
**K: Me too. ITILYBB  
**B: ITILYTKH**

** \------------------------------ **

Blaine was determined to make lunch an upbeat outing. They hadn’t been out much, and he doubted they would be anytime soon. Not only did they love to have privacy to be able to hold each other for long periods of time, but they did also need to be discreet until Kurt finished school, or at least try to be. Showing up at a clinic together probably wasn’t the best idea, but this was one of the only things that Kurt had ever asked of him, and he wasn’t going to let him down. 

He hoped that they could just make light of it, have a fun time together, grab a quick bite somewhere, and save all the heavy talk for tonight. Blaine still had no idea what to say. He vaguely recalled some words he had read once about how sometimes you are so broken that when someone comes along and offers you exactly what you need, you don’t know how to respond. And while Blaine is far from totally broken anymore, he’s worked hard to heal the trauma surrounding Connor, the shadows of it will always be there. Still, the words ring true. He doesn't know what to say. 

_Just stay upbeat and happy for lunch. Kurt needs your support for this test even though you don’t understand what is happening inside his head and heart surrounding sex. This is for him, support him. Trust the connection, Blaine. Stay calm for Kurt._

Of course, that all goes out the window when he pulls up at the Vogue offices. Kurt is standing outside waiting for him, and if he had thought that Kurt was the most beautiful man to ever walk into his life before, he didn’t know how to describe him now. Standing against the brick wall, black Ray-Bans perched on his perfect nose, black skinny jeans that were skin-tight, wearing a black blazer with butterflies printed in silvery-white, underneath was a contrasting bright white shirt with the same pattern printed in black.

 _Dammit, dammit, dammit._ Blaine’s eyes were quickly becoming wet with tears. The butterflies. What are the chances that Kurt would pick that outfit? How is that even possible? Who even owns a butterfly jacket? Kurt does, of course, he does, and he looks stunning in it. Blaine hadn’t told him about the dream; he didn’t plan on telling him until they had a chance to talk about everything else or maybe even save it for “someday” when they started on their forever. But this? To see Kurt wearing an echo of his dream. It’s too much. 

The driver opens the door for Kurt, and he slides into the backseat with Blaine, surprised by the state he’s in. “Blaine? Oh, honey, what happened?” Kurt embraces him tightly. 

“Nothing, Sunshine. Nothing is wrong. You are just so gorgeous, you made my eyes water.”

Kurt laughs, “ _Mmmhmmm_ , sure.” But then Kurt looks between them and groans. Blaine is wearing a light gray linen suit from Italy—Kurt has no doubt, a black and white striped sweater underneath and a white collared shirt. All of the different layers of sleeves are rolled up to varying lengths on his wrists. It’s beyond sexy, but that isn’t the point.

“You’ve got to be kidding. This is just unacceptable unless we’re doing it on purpose?” he moves a hand back and forth between them, pointing with a sly, happy grin. “Are we doing it on purpose? I can’t deal with us. Look at us, Blaine, we match!” 

He flutters his eyelids looking up at Blaine through his eyelashes, unleashing the full power of his eyes in a playful, flirting way. “I’m not entirely sure I’m ready to qualify our relationship as ‘let’s go out of the house in complementary outfits’ level of commitment, honey. This is huge for me. I mean, you’d think we would have at least kissed or something before we took it to this extreme level of intimacy?” 

Blaine bursts out laughing, and Kurt laughs with him. He slides into Blaine’s side and intertwines their hands. They hold each other for a few minutes, enjoying their soul connection. Eventually, with a voice turned serious and soft, Kurt says, “I’m here if you want to talk about it.”

“I was overwhelmed with how gorgeous you look, and the butterflies, I had a dream about a butterfly last night. So to pull up and see you wearing them, it was astonishing. It’s all good; they were the happiest of tears, I promise. And I will tell you about the dream when there is more time. Let's just have fun right now, yeah? We can talk as much as we need to tonight.”

“Sounds perfect. I’m nervous as hell right now, though, honey, so any sort of distraction would be welcome.”

“I’m right here, love. It’s fine, and the clinic we are going to is one of the best; it will be okay. That being said, I did want to tell you how much fun I had last night; that date was, I don’t know Kurt, it was just happy, and I loved being a kid again for a while. Although, I’m going to have to hone my Battleship skills because you destroyed me! That was embarrassing!”

“Yes, well, my dad and I used to play that a lot, so I am quite the proficient. You think I should put that on my resume? ‘Kurt Hummel, Battleship King.’ It has a nice ring to it, yeah?” Blaine smiles and laughs.

“Only if I can put ‘Blaine Anderson, Master of Candyland’ on my office door!”

“Oh, yes, I’m sure all your clients would be very impressed, right next to Grammy Award winner—it’s all very impressive. Speaking of which. Honey, I wanted to tell you that I’m sorry we haven’t a chance to talk more about your work. You know that I care about it, right? That what you do is important to me? We just haven’t had a chance yet, and I still refuse to Google you. I want _you_ to tell me. 

“Although, this morning I was singing in the shower, because yes, I remembered we are singing tonight, so I had to prepare, right? Anyway, while halfway through a song, I had an epiphany. I realized that I’ve probably sung one of your songs before and didn't even know it! I loved the idea of singing something you wrote.”

“Well, tonight maybe we will. Maybe I won’t even tell you which ones are my songs. But thank you, love. We’ve been talking about everything that matters. Don’t worry. We’ll get around to that pompous ass stuff when there is a good time for it. Just like you promised me you’d show me some of your sketches and illustrations you are working on for your senior project. That is important to me too.”

“Well, it sounds like tonight is career night then?” he wiggles his eyebrows, trying to make a silly face. 

“It’s a date!” Blaine says. “I mean, after you get your homework time in for school that we agreed on, but I can’t wait to see. And I can’t wait to sing with you either. I’m giddy about it.”

The clinic went smoothly, with no incidents, which was a relief to both of them. Kurt finally confided that his head wasn't in a great space the last time he’d gone, to begin with, and then the person doing his tests had made some passive-aggressive homophobic comments. It had rattled him. He hadn’t expected it at a clinic of all places, so it caught him off guard at the time, and he hadn’t been back, especially since there had been no need to. 

They chatted and flirted for the fifteen minutes they had to grab a quick deli sandwich before heading back to work. It was challenging to keep their distance. They naturally gravitated toward each other. And even when they weren’t touching, they would catch each other staring at the others’ lips, or staring so intensely into the other’s eyes that they might as well have been touching. It was impossible not to see the longing they had for each other. 

They mutually agreed that, for now, the loft dates seemed to be better suited for them most of the time (they were going to try dinner out on Sunday). Typically, both of them would be a lot more adventurous when planning dates; they love New York. Spending time together in the city they love wasn't something they wanted to miss out on, but they agreed there would be time after Kurt was done with school, it was only a few months. 

“I’ll be back to pick you up in a few hours,” Blaine said into Kurt’s neck, kissing him a few more times before he let this man out of his sight.

“ _Mmhhm_ , can’t wait, honey. And thank you for coming with me. It feels good to have that done.”

“You’re welcome— _mmm_ okay, you better go, or I’m never,” Blaine kisses that spot under Kurt’s ear they both love so much, “going to let you go.”

“Well, then unhand me, my good sir,” Kurt laughs because Blaine isn’t stopping.

“Fine! Fine! See you!”

“Bye, Honey Bee.”

Blaine stares as his retreating figure walks into the building and can’t wait for the day when he can walk proudly through New York with him by his side. He deserves to be loved openly and shouldn't have to hide. The privacy issue situation is still unsettling, he’s got to work through it with his therapist, and they need to make a plan. He puts a note in his calendar to talk to the publicity department. Usually, he is helping his recording artists with this. It’s been a long time since he had to worry about it himself. 

\------------------------------------------

“Kurt Hummel, you are a prodigy,” Blaine says with a voice full of awe.

“Why you are too kind, thank you!” Kurt laughs. 

“I’m serious, Kurt. If you were applying to our styling department, I’d hire you on the spot.”  
“You’re serious?” Kurt’s eyebrows scrunch together, eyes questioning, bewilderment showing. Blaine’s statement has jolted him.

“Yes, I am. I wouldn’t joke about something like this, Kurt. You are exceptionally talented. I’m just. Wow. Wait, are there more sketches in that one?” Blaine points to a sketchbook peeking out of Kurt’s leather school bag. 

“Yeah, but those are my raw sketches, ideas that come to me, they are more like scribbled notes to jog my memory later of the things I see in my head, ideas I want to try. It’s my no-judgment zone. Any idea just goes in there unfiltered. I’ve never shown it to anyone, though; it’s just for me.” Blaine’s face turns a little disappointed, but he nods with understanding. He has notebooks full of words and melodies like that, so he gets it. But, in his heart, he wants to see inside. Kurt’s talent has astounded him. He wants to soak it all in.

“Bee, I didn't mean you couldn’t look at it, I just wanted you to know what it was so you could view it in the proper context. This is exactly what I was talking about last night. I have nothing to hide from you. I want to share everything with you. Please look at it if you want, I’m just asking you to not judge it by my senior project which I’ve been working on for months.”

Blaine sits down next to Kurt, pulls the sketchbook over, and starts to flip through the pages. He can’t believe what he’s seeing. If he thought he knew Kurt at all, he was mistaken. Kurt keeps inspiring him; every day, there is a new depth—a new layer to excavate. Page after page of incredible designs, notes, thoughts, sketches, watercolor, ink, pen, colored pencil, it’s intoxicating to be so intimate with Kurt’s mind like this. 

Kurt had shared with him how he had felt how sacred his boxing room was to him, had told him that he felt like he was standing inside of Blaine’s heart. Now he knew what he meant. Looking at his sketchbook felt like he was wrapped up in Kurt's soul.

Blaine keeps turning each page, anticipation building. He can’t help but lightly brush his fingertips over some of the sketches, some of the notes. He’s mesmerized. He closes his eyes for a minute and sees the future they could have together. He sees rows of Kurt’s sketchbooks on the shelves mixed in with his song notebooks. He sees a sketchbook open on the table in the boxing room—sees Kurt there sketching while he watches Blaine boxing. He sees the books on the nightside by Kurt’s side of the bed. Sees Kurt carry one over to the counter to scribble something absentmindedly while talking in the kitchen, enjoying their morning coffee. Sees their home, filled with sketchbooks alongside his songwriting books, complimenting a life they could build together—perfect creative harmony. 

He turns to Kurt, who’s been quiet but anxiously awaiting some sort of reply based on his nervous, unconscious tapping. Blaine cups his face, rubbing his thumb over his cheekbone lovingly. He takes a moment to look into the ocean waves that are Kurt’s eyes, trying with all of his heart to convey his feelings to Kurt through his own eyes. 

“Kurt, running into you in that store a week ago—how could I have been so lucky? How do I get to be the one to fall in love with you? You are truly the most incredible man I could have ever met. I will thank the eternal stars forever for allowing me this opportunity to know you, to love you. I mean that, Kurt. You are so special. You are talented beyond reason. I hope you know that. To hold this, to see this sketchbook, Kurt? It’s a privilege.”

They slowly move their heads towards each other. Under different circumstances, they would have shared a kiss tender and loving. Sometimes, there isn’t anything else you can say. But they can’t kiss, so they do what they’ve done since the first day they met, when they were being pulled towards each other, and simply rest their foreheads together. The warmth of their breath ghosting over each of their cheeks, gentle caresses on arms and necks. It would have to be enough for now. They turn inward, each of them listening to the beats of their own hearts accelerate, and find comfort in the pull of the tether.

“Thank you, Blaine. You make me feel like anything is possible. And I want you to know that my life has forever been changed for the better because of you. I feel like I’m the lucky one.”

Blaine pulls back and kisses Kurt’s nose with a cute little “mwah!”

\------------------------------

After Kurt finishes catching up on some of his school projects (with Blaine by his side looking at every page of that sketchbook), they call for delivery and enjoy dinner together. They have a heated debate about the newest Broadway shows and whether they can hold up against the classics. They tell stories about their time in their respective glee clubs and all the drama of competing. And the pop culture war they have going on? It’s epic. It’s the only time they play the age card with each other, and it’s all playful banter. 

“So, are we ready to do this? It’s ‘Concert Time with Kurt & Blaine!’” Blaine says, body language bouncy and excited. 

“Oh honey, that title needs some work, but yes, let’s sing our hearts out. I’m very excited. I don't have much time to sing anymore. I do try to go practice the piano and sing when I can, but I admit it hasn't been enough lately.”

“Well, you can practice and sing here as much as you want, love. Everything here is for you to use anytime you want. Now! Let’s go! Are you singing first, or how do you want to do this?”

They make their way into the front room and sit at the piano bench together. 

“We just spent so much time with my sketches already, don’t you want to share your songs with me?”

“I do want to share them, of course, I do, but I really want to hear you sing. I feel like I can’t know you fully until I do, and you’ve already heard me sing so,” Blaine turns on the full power of his puppy dog eyes. “Will you go first? We’ll take turns, and then we can sing some together if you want?”

“Okay, okay, but I feel like I’m hogging the spotlight tonight. You’ve already made me feel so loved, Blaine.”

More puppy dog eyes.

“Fine!” Kurt laughs and makes a show of stretching his fingers to get ready to play the piano. “And if at any time you’d like to jump in and play piano for me, please do, I bet you know this song, and I’m a little rusty.” 

He starts playing the intro bars of the song, and Blaine inhales deeply. Kurt couldn’t have picked a more meaningful [song to sing](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1lbfzzjybU). 

_[First Verse] Someone to hold you too close [...]_

Blaine’s heart is beating out of his chest. Kurt’s voice is exquisite. 

_[Second Verse] Someone to crowd you with love [...]_

Blaine starts playing duet chords with Kurt and eventually takes over the piano entirely as Kurt keeps singing. His eyes are closed, his head is tilted up. 

_[Third Verse] Somebody, hold me too close [...]_

Blaine wants to be the one to make Kurt feel alive, to hold him close.  
_[Fourth Verse] Make me alive [...]_

The emotion that Kurt is carrying in his voice has tears streaming down Blaine’s face. Kurt feels so deeply. He puts his heart into everything he does. 

_[Fifth Verse] Somebody, crowd me with love [...]_

The way Kurt carries that last line, Blaine is wrecked. He can barely finish playing the piano for him. When Kurt’s finished singing, Blaine throws his arms around his neck and hugs him tightly. 

“That was so beautiful, Kurt. Your voice, wow. Thank you for singing for me. Just—you keep, you are...I don’t even know what to say, love. You inspire me.” 

“Well, I was going to sing something a little bit more light-hearted, but that seemed to need to come out, so here we are.”

“You make me feel alive, Kurt. That was just so amazing. I can’t wait to hear more!”

“Yes, well, your turn! I will not take no for an answer.”

“As you wish,” Blaine says teasingly. He starts playing some chords, “This song was actually nominated for an Emmy, it’s not one of my Grammys,” he winks and smiles at Kurt, “but you mentioned the show _Harmony_ the other day when we were chatting? So here we go!” 

[Blaine sings](https://youtu.be/JKKcgSz2zHw?t=279) the familiar song _This Time_ from the show. Kurt can’t believe it. In the show, it’s sung by the female lead, but he’s moved to know the words were Blaine’s. And the way Blaine sings it, owns the words, feels it—it’s breathtaking. 

“Oh honey, that is, I can’t believe you wrote that song! I can’t believe that I’ve sung the songs you’ve written! It was beautiful the way you sang it. I think I loved it, even more, to hear the emotion come from within you.”

Blaine kisses Kurt’s cheek. “Thank you, love. Now it’s your turn. I’m so excited to hear what comes out next!”

“Prepare yourself, my good sir, for I’m about to unleash the upper range of my countertenor voice!” Blaine’s mouth drops open, and his hand lands on the piano, making a loud sound of scrambled notes being hit together.

“Oh, Kurt... I don’t know if I can take it. I wondered if maybe you were a countertenor when you sang the last song, but they are so rare. Honey, you were not meant to live among us mere earthlings. You are just too incredible.”

Kurt laughs loudly before he straightens up on the piano bench, pretending to preen himself, “Yes, well, that may be true, but you would be a member of that club too, my Honey Bee. 

“Anyway, let’s do this! I’m pretty sure you can probably play this song judging by your love of the show when we’ve talked about it, so once again, feel free to save me from the piano or play with me!” 

Kurt proceeds to stun Blaine once again (of course, he does). [He sings](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3SEGPRRd1p8) Wicked’s _Defying Gravity_ with everything he’s got. Blaine manages to pull himself together enough to help Kurt out with the piano so that Kurt can just concentrate on singing. 

“Oh geez, that was rough without a warm-up,” Kurt says when he's done, “but damn it was fun! I miss singing so much.”

“Kurt Hummel, I hope that it is my great privilege to stand by your side, being your biggest cheerleader, as you make your dreams come true. You are so worthy and so talented.”

“Thank you, sweetheart,” he kisses Blaine’s cheek and lightly brushes his face for a moment with his fingers. “I have a little bit of a disadvantage here because you’ve got a head start on your career Blaine, but I want you to know that I want to support you too. I can’t wait to hear more of your songs and hear the songs you write in the future. It’s going to be an adventure with us, isn’t it?”

Blaine kisses Kurt’s cheek back. “It is indeed! Now let’s sing a few more and then get some cuddling in, yeah?”

Blaine sings more than a few songs for Kurt when he begs. Blaine might have puppy dog eyes, but Kurt’s facial expressions get Blanie every time. He tells him a few stories about working with Adele and Colbie and what the music meant to him with each artist. Kurt listens to every word with bated breath. He has had such unique experiences. 

Blaine loves the questions Kurt asks; they make him feel important as a person _and_ as an artist. They are about the process of songwriting. Whether or not he works on one song at a time or multiple pieces? How does he feel when he writes? Is it hard handing the songs over to the artists he writes them for? Is it fulfilling? None of the questions are about the “extraness” of it, the fame, the money, the next big award. Every day Kurt shows Blaine repeatedly that _he matters_ , that who he is inside is cherished, that he loves him just the way he is. Blaine hopes he’s doing the same for Kurt.

After they get a good case of the giggles from singing a few hilarious songs, both of them improving words and goofing off in the extreme, they decide to call it a night on the singing. They pinky promise that they’ll do this often. It was amusing and lighthearted fun. They both needed more of that in their life. 

They make their way over to the couch, and Blaine grabs the throw blanket on his way. They look at each other and shrug their shoulders with big grins; it is what it is. Kurt lays down first and opens his arms up to Blaine, who lays the folded blanket between them and crawls up the couch to lay down on Kurt. Blaine’s hand immediately goes over Kurt’s heart as it often does, needing to feel the rhythm. Maybe it's the songwriter in him, but Kurt’s heartbeat is quickly becoming the soundtrack of his life. Kurt’s fingers play in Blaine’s curls with one hand, and with the other, he’s rubbing his fingers up and down Blaine’s arms; they are so strong and yet so gentle, just like Blaine. He loves them so much. They seem to be content with just this, for now, so they let the silence fall over them and only exist in this moment.

Eventually, the conversation drifts lightly in and out. Mostly they ask each other more “this or that” questions, they had only been able to do a few while texting today, and they both missed it. Kurt promises he’ll share the spreadsheet that he had started when the subject came again; he had just forgotten with everything that happened last night. 

Blaine starts moving. “Hey, can we sit up for a bit so I can look at you, love?” They sit up and face each other, holding hands as always.

“So, I’ve been thinking about last night Kurt. I need you to understand that the feelings I have in my heart around this are all so huge I literally do not know how to process them. I am not using that as an easy way out. In fact, it’s very hard for me not to be able to respond to you as you deserve.

“But what I do know for sure is that you are the most courageous man to offer your heart to me like that. You are so loyal and loving with your willingness to share your life with me openly. Your ability to be present in your vulnerability is the bravest thing I have ever seen in my life.”

Kurt nods at him, clearly communicating that he hears what Blaine is saying but doesn't have anything to say back right now. Blaine leans over to kiss his forehead in comfort. 

“I had an idea that I wanted to present to you, and I want your honest feedback on this, okay? This can’t just be about what I want, Kurt. You have been willing to sacrifice too much already. We have to be able to trust each other to tell the truth when we are having these conversations.” 

Kurt nods once again. His eyes are starting to show emotion bubbling up, “I will.”

“I thought that we could get a journal or notebook or something, I actually have a beautiful leather notebook that is sitting in my office empty, but that isn't the point. I was thinking we could use a journal to help us? And then, after seeing your sketchbook today, it just strengthened my resolve to share this idea with you.

“Some of the feelings we have are just too big for right now, Kurt. I understood what you were saying last night; they are just too soon, yet they aren’t soon enough. We’re trying to compress eternity into the here and now.”

“Yes! Blaine, Yes!” Kurt interrupts. “That is the first time I’ve heard the words that express how I feel. I keep feeling I’m trying to process a lifetime of feelings into each minute we’re together. This soulmate connection between us, Blaine, it’s like it carries the memories of a thousand lifetimes behind us and a thousand more to come. But it’s confusing because that doesn’t work in our current reality. Not with the way we measure time or by society’s standards of how our relationship should work. So I keep feeling like I’m fifty steps ahead of where we are because we both know what’s coming. But I don’t want to miss out on the now. This part where we get to fall in love all over again.” 

Blaine keeps nodding his head while Kurt is talking, smiling, rubbing Kurt’s hands. “Exactly, Kurt. I feel it too. I want you to know that. So I thought maybe if we had a journal, we could start using it during these conversations. We can write down the things that are too big to process right now in the book. And if you are serious about going to counseling together, when our fifteen dates are up, we can start working on the things we put in the journal. Some of it we’ll be able to work out ourselves as time goes on, but some of it I think we’ll need help. Can I give you an example?”

Kurt nods, yes, “Of course, bee.”

“We need to talk to someone about the long term ramifications of sharing phone passcodes. Like does that help a relationship or hurt it? Also, I don’t want to need that from you, but there is a part of me that would be comforted by it in the long run. But then I absolutely don’t want it because it feels like I’m not trusting you, and I want to trust you, Kurt. So do you see how my mind goes around in circles? And I’d want to offer you the same, but legally I don’t think I can because I have access to so many legal documents on my phone for work. So it would be beneficial for me to have a third party such as a therapist with perspective be able to help us with something like that, does that make sense?”

“It makes perfect sense like I said last night, I am perplexed about it. And yet, I want to give it to you so much that a part of me would be _relieved_ if you would just accept it. So yeah, a therapist would be helpful. But—Blaine I…” Kurt hesitates for more than a few seconds, and when he doesn’t start talking again, Blaine chimes in.

“Safe space, baby, tell me.”

“I told you I had a bad experience before with a counselor— if you trust yours, then I trust you. I want to do this for us. With your experiences and some of mine, I’ll share with you tomorrow, I think it would be wise for us. But Blaine, I will not tolerate our soulmate connection called into question. I am sure what we have is rare, maybe even _almost_ impossible to believe in. I get that, I do. The word soulmate is tossed around to the point that even both of us would have rolled our eyes before we met, right?”

“Yeah, you’re right.”

“But we know what this is; we can both feel it. So I can’t sit there and bear to have someone tell us that this love or bonding at first sight, doesn’t exist. Or worse, downgrade our experience with a condescending smirk and tell us that this is infatuation. If it were, we’d have given up on our rules and been in bed days ago living in the chemistry we so abundantly have. I’m not saying there isn’t infatuation here; there positively is, I mean damn—I want you so bad.” 

Blaine laughs, “I hear you, honey. Keep going.” 

“But there is so much more here, Blaine, and we both know it. Love, mutual respect, a desire to help each other reach our goals, these conversations. I have talked more with you in the last week than I have to anyone else probably this whole year. I just—can tell you that I’m going to have a hard time trusting anyone to help us that isn't willing to respect what is happening here, does that make sense?”

“It makes perfect sense, Kurt, and you bring up a critical point that I'm not sure I would have thought about. So we’ll put that on the first page of our book if you agree to the idea. We’ll list out some things that will be non-negotiable when we look for someone for therapy. I’ll talk to mine when I go tomorrow and see what she says, and if I don’t think she’ll work, we’ll start looking for someone else. But, if she seems open to it, we can make an appointment, and you can meet her, okay?” 

“That sounds good, bee.”

“Okay, so back to this journal. It would be a safe space obviously, and we can start writing our goals and dreams for the future and our too-big feelings in there. I sort of picture it being things like what you brought up last night and even bigger things too. We know we want to get married, but at least a hundred steps have to come before that, including our milestone conversation, even to make that realistic right? It’s too big for today. It’s too big to process after just a week together. But we’ve talked around it for days. Have you noticed? Without hesitation, we both use it as our default language about our future.” 

The look of love, relief, and hope that overtakes Kurt's face is contagious as he nods. Blaine is sure his face mirrors the same look back to Kurt. 

“So there is nothing too big or too small for the journal. We can each write in it whenever we need to, and obviously when we are together. But it will be a way to keep everything somewhere safe and sacred to us while we keep trying to take each new step. It will allow us to take a deep breath on some of these big feelings knowing they are written down, so we don't have to be overwhelmed by them in each moment until we are ready. Thoughts?”

“I love it, Blaine. It will help me so much. Thank you for taking the time to think about this today and coming up with a way to help us move forward. And not only that, it adds to this foundation we are trying to build. I am feeling better about last night now too. That was a lot to deal with without any resolution. So I’m feeling so much lighter.”

“I’m glad, honey. Let’s get some of those things from last night in the journal right now. I think the next few days will be so much easier for us if we can spill out some of these emotions. Let’s write about what has happened this first week together?”

Blaine gets up off the couch and offers Kurt his hand, pulling him up into his arms. He holds him and gives him a few sweet kisses on his neck before he leads him into the office to get the journal. 

They spend the next forty-five minutes filling up the first few pages. Their dreams and too big feelings come tumbling from their hearts effortlessly. More than a lifetime of goals pressed in black ink against the blank pages waiting to come true with their forever. Committing each day just to take the next step. 

Eternity would be made by them, one moment at a time.

\----~---------------------~---

Knowing that Kurt got home safe and sound after an unbelievably perfect evening together, a curly-haired man lays in bed and instantly falls asleep—feeling content, at peace, grateful, and so happy. The last thought that crosses his mind, _It’s astonishing how much can change in one week of your life._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for the Chapter: None
> 
> Authors Notes:
> 
> [Being Aliv](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r1lbfzzjybU)e by Kurt Hummel  
>   
> This Time  
> [[Show Version](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=14WjF8nAWlE)] or [[Live Version](https://youtu.be/JKKcgSz2zHw?t=205) with DC aka Blaine Singing]  
>   
>  _Harmony_ is the name of a show about a bunch of glee club kids that Kurt grew up watching _;)_
> 
> [Defying Gravity](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3SEGPRRd1p8) Kurt Solo Version
> 
> You can find artwork (and aesthetics aka "mood boards") and other related posts to this chapter on my Tumblr page GleefulPoppet, I'll be adding things over the next month.
> 
> [Click Here to See Larger on Tumblr](https://gleefulpoppet.tumblr.com/post/632094511376613376/chapter-11-were-both-showing-hearts-posted-this)


	12. Friday: What's Going on in That Beautiful Mind

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Word Count: 11k+ [Warnings can be found in the notes if you need them]

Kurt wakes up before his alarm; he loves when that happens. It feels good to wake up naturally. Or wait, no, actually, his favorite way to wake up is from a text from Blaine. Or scratch all of the above. He loves waking up with a raging hard-on thinking about Blaine, which he realizes is actually what just happened. He loves the way his mind is loose and groggy, how his imagination runs away with him before he’s fully awake. He reaches down and rubs his erection with the palm of his hand slowly. He’s going to let himself enjoy this, make it last as long as he can before he knows he’ll be crying out Blaine’s name. Blaine has made him feel things he wondered if he ever could, and oh how he wants him.

K: Good morning, Honey Bee  
K: Woke up happy thinking about you ;)   
**B: You’re up early, Sunshine-Good Morning!  
**K: I’m not up anymore, but it was so good  
**B Kurt! Damn it, honey. Is it Monday yet?  
**K: *innocent grin*  
**B: So I guess I can tell you I just got out of the shower and enjoyed it immensely  
**K Oh hell, Blaine...thinking about that...maybe I’ll have to go for a 3rd  
**B: Geez, Kurt! 3rd?? Well, I’m standing here with only a towel around my hips  
**K: LOL, Blaine. Are we like PG-rated sexting right now?  
**B: Yeah, and I love it ;)  
**K: Me too, I’m going to shower and think of you in that towel  
K: Work is going to be a lot today, so this will be the highlight that gets me through the day  
**B: I can’t wait to see you tonight, love  
**K: I’m nervous   
K: This is the last of what I feel like I need to tell you about me before we can move forward  
**B: Baby, it’s just me. Safe space, remember?  
****B: No matter what, we can work through anything I know we can  
**K: Thank you. I’ll text more later. I’m going to have stories from the lion’s den today. This deadline is turning everyone into monsters   
**B: Armor up and slay them all with your fabulousness!  
**K: LOL will do, just me-intern extraordinaire, my Alexander McQueen boots and memories of you  
**B: Awwww, I rank up there with your McQueen boots? I’m flattered  
**K: Yes, you do. In fact, I’d say one rung above them, so that is really saying something.  
**B: It really is. ITILYKH  
**K: ITILYTBB

\------------------------------

By the time Blaine is able to pick him up at Vogue that night, it’s after 8:30 PM. They are both on edge. Blaine’s dinner went longer than it was supposed to, and he wasn’t happy that it had cut into “their time.” Kurt’s nerves are frazzled, but he reassures him that he couldn’t have left earlier anyway. He had barely just been released from the mandatory overtime on the deadline he’d been working on. They cuddle and hold each other and take comfort in lips on necks during the drive so that by the time they finally get to Blaine’s loft, they are at least both calmed down quite a bit. 

This is not how Kurt wanted to start this important night, but he hopes that what he’s hiding in the picnic cooler bag will help. After they take off their shoes and jackets and untuck their shirts, Kurt heads to the kitchen to lay out his surprise. 

“There’s nothing that a little cheesecake can’t fix. Am I right?” He pulls out the cheesecake he had picked up from his favorite bakery in the few minutes he had for lunch today. He also has assorted toppings to make a cheesecake bar; crushed Oreos, strawberries, caramel, chocolate shavings, raspberries, toffee bits, and pecans. He carefully cuts the cheesecake up into small bite-size squares. 

“Come on, my sweet Honey Bee, let me show you what a cheesecake can really be.” He carefully creates a perfect piece for Blaine, combining some of the different toppings. “Open up!” He then feeds him the creation from his fork, raising an eyebrow to see if Blaine likes it. 

Blaine seems to approve, “Mmmm, that is delicious, Kurt! My turn!” They feed each other every combination imaginable, all while flirting, staring, touching, and of course, souls always calibrating. 

“Hold still, bee,” Kurt says as he moves so close to Blaine that their noses are almost touching. Blaine can feel Kurt’s warm exhales on his skin. Kurt slowly reaches up with his thumb and wipes away a smudge of strawberry sauce from Blaine’s lip, letting his thumb linger there. Blaine closes his eyes and tentatively reaches out to lick the sauce off Kurt’s thumb. Kurt inhales sharply through his nose and presses his body closer to Blaine. 

Blaine can’t help himself. He swipes again and slowly wraps his lips around it, sucking. Kurt’s other fingers press into Blaine’s cheek, dragging across his skin. “Blaaaine,” he whispers. Blaine’s arms wrap tightly around Kurt’s hips as low as he dares. 

They live in the moment as long as possible, but eventually, it’s foreheads resting together again, and Blaine whispers back, “Monday.” 

Kurt can only nod yes while he gathers his courage and resolve for what must come next.

“I’m ready to talk now, sweetheart.” They both head to the front room. It seems to be “their place” to have these conversations. They get comfortable on the couch, turned so that they face each other, one of each other their knees touching where they are bent on the couch, always holding hands. 

He takes a deep, cleansing breath. _You can do this, Kurt. This has to be done. You promised you’d be honest about everything with him._

“So here we are our second milestone conversation about sex. I sort of talked about this the other day, but I knew we’d need to talk about this on that first night because there are things I need to tell you that are difficult for me about sexual relationships. I didn’t want to have to worry about it the whole time we were getting through our first few dates. It seemed easier to just make a firm line in the sand about when I would talk to you about it, so I didn't need to worry or work myself up into a panic about it. Alright, wow, I’m rambling here.”

He takes another deep breath and realizes that the easiest way to get this over with is to take a straightforward approach. 

“Honey, I need a ten-second reprieve of our south of the equator rule for this is that okay?”

Blaine’s triangular eyebrows scrunch, one eye goes up, in a confused questioning look, but he seems to have no objections. 

He gently takes Blaine’s hand and slides it right over to his lap near his... “Kurt, what are you doi—” he tries to get out before Kurt cuts him off.

“Please, Blaine, just trust me,” as he guides Blaine’s hand once up and then once down his cock. 

He looks right into Blaine’s eyes and says with a very shaky breath, “I’m not hard right now, Blaine, and don’t pretend you haven’t wondered before. I mean, I know the pants I wear around you leave little to the imagination at times, and that blanket can only help so much,” he winks and tries to laugh, but then deflates.

“This conversation is beyond difficult for me.” 

Blaine’s eyes go wide, and Kurt can see them start to fill with tears. He keeps holding Blaine’s hand but moves it to his thigh. “Blaine, I, well, I’m bigger than average. A lot bigger actually, and it has caused some problems for me in the past. And I’m… I’m not completely innocent by any means, but… I’ve never...” he buries his head in his hands. 

“Kurt. Kurt, look at me.” Blaine pleads with an odd-sounding emotion in his voice. As Kurt looks up at him, he’s baffled, “Why, I mean... how are you laughing and crying, Blaine? This is, this is serious for me.”

“Oh baby, I know. Oh Kurt, I know, believe me, I know. May I?” he exhales. And then it’s Blaine’s turn to slowly take Kurt’s hand and do the same thing to him. Guiding Kurt down and up his cock once too. He laughs again and leans over so he can put his head against Kurt’s, “Although, I may be a _little_ hard... after all, I just touched you for the first time not even a minute ago.”

Kurt pulls back and looks up at him in shock, “Are you serious? I mean, I could tell you weren’t small by any means—but, your… I mean...both of us?” they nervously laugh. “Apparently. Obviously, I’m not quite as big as you, but—well, yeah.”

“Blaine, I’ve never met anyone I could talk to about this where they might even remotely understand.”

“Me either, Kurt, and, umm, I have a confession. Wow, this is difficult. I’m not even sure if this is the time, but I—we promised to be honest about everything, right?”

Kurt squeezes his hand and says, “Tell me, honey. You can talk to me.”

“I’ve never gotten as good as I’ve given if you know what I mean,” he just blurts out and then starts laughing and covers his mouth like he’s shocked at his own words. “Oh, that was crass. I’m sorry, but, umm Kurt, I might have a bit of a size kink that I’ve never spoken out loud to another guy before.”

Kurt looks at him with tears rolling down his cheek. “But, Blaine...I, I’m, I how is this going to work if we get to that point, we need to talk about this now. It’s fine to say you have a kink about it. Thank you for being brave and telling me that, by the way.

“But, logistically and emotionally, this has legitimately caused problems for me and why in many ways, I still consider myself a virgin. Even though I’ve, you know—done things… so I guess I’m not really a virgin, but I...” he blushes profusely and takes another deep breath, closing his eyes. This conversation is going to a place he never dreamed of (his hand is still tingling from where he touched Blaine, and to know Blaine understands what it’s like to be bigger?), but he knows for his own peace of mind that they need to lay it all out there in the open so that fear and insecurities don’t build up.

While Kurt is taking a breath getting ready to share more of his heart, Blaine realizes that he missed a critical piece of information earlier when Kurt was stumbling out the words “I never.” It didn’t occur to him that Kurt would be a virgin, or consider himself a virgin. _But what does that mean? That he hasn’t had penetrative sex or been penetrated or...?_ Blaine is horrified that he went straight to sharing his kink without acknowledging what Kurt was trying to tell him, that his size may have prevented him from having positive sexual experiences. He wants to jump in. He wants to fix his mistake, he wants to beg for forgiveness, but Kurt is starting to talk again, so he puts all his focus into listening, really listening.

“When I was dating Scott, things were going good for us, not remarkable, but we were trying. You know that I have to have at least the beginning of an emotional bond with someone, I talked to you about that before, so it wasn’t awful with him. But he was obsessive about my size. He wouldn’t leave me alone when we were making out, and sometimes I felt like all he wanted was to touch...a lot. And I enjoyed it most of the time, if I’m honest about it, I mean it did feel good. But sometimes I felt like it was more about the novelty of it for him and less about me at all?

“But as our relationship grew and we started heading towards more, he randomly started making snide remarks about how I could _only_ bottom because...well...oh god...I’d hurt him,” Kurt’s voice sounds broken and painful.

At this statement, Blaine grabs both of Kurt’s hands tighter, rubbing his thumbs over his knuckles, trying to comfort him and give him courage.

“He was often crude and descriptive about it; what I would _do_ to him. I don’t think he meant to be degrading and hurtful. I think he thought he was complimenting me in a vulgar way? It almost seemed like he was getting off on that too. But, his words built a wall of fear around my heart. He never once asked me how I felt or what I wanted, and I became _paralyzed_ with the fear of hurting him. It was so strange and difficult to try and process all of that. His words became this new layer of our relationship, I did not like at all. I became so closed in on myself that it felt too vulnerable to ever be able to bottom for him. I didn't trust him to make me feel good about it. He would have been my first penetration experience, either top or bottom. So, I broke up with him swiftly after all that started, I couldn’t be that for him.”

He shudders but feels lighter somehow after letting that all out. There is just a little bit more to go; he can do this.

“When we broke up over it, he called me all kinds of things that hurt, especially with my prior sexual assault history. Scott had no idea about that, but still, it’s no excuse. One of the things that was so hurtful to me was that he called me a prude in the most condescending voice you can imagine. And that if he had known I wasn’t going to ‘put out’ he wouldn’t have wasted so much time with me.”

Blaine has tears streaming down his face. _How have the men in Kurt’s life been so cruel? This beautiful, incredible man who deserves to be cherished and loved._

“Being called a prude somehow was the worst part for me? Sort of laughable considering some of the things that I’ve been called. But it hurt the worst because I felt so misjudged. He hadn’t understood at all. I am _not_ prude, Blaine. I want penetrative sex. I want to have those experiences—I think it’s going to be amazing. But between the size issue, with the added bonus of now being _terrified_ of hurting someone and needing an emotional connection, it hasn’t happened for me yet. 

“But even with all of that fear, Blaine, I still don’t think I can bottom, at least not right away. I just feel too vulnerable.” He tears his hand out of Blaine’s and covers his face and starts sobbing.

Blaine pulls him into his side and starts rubbing circles on his back. “Thank you, Kurt. Thank you for sharing your heart with me. I can see how difficult it was to share, but you are so brave. And I’m sorry if what I said earlier about my kink made you feel uncomfortable or scared you at all.” 

Kurt turns his head and looks at Blaine with such a loving gaze, “No, honey. No, it’s just I’m in so deep here. I want you. I want this with you, but I also need everything out in front of us so we can figure this out.” He drops his head back into his hands, and while he’s not sobbing anymore, he’s definitely still crying.

Blaine continues to try and comfort him, drawing shapes on his back. After a few minutes deep in thought, he takes a centering breath and decides it’s time to be as courageous as Kurt. 

“It’s been challenging for me to talk about what happened with Connor, but I’m trying you know that, right?” Kurt doesn’t look up, but he nods and makes a small sound of agreement, so Blaine continues, “He was obsessive too, Kurt, and he knew exactly what to say to me to make me think that what he wanted was what I wanted. He only wanted me to top Kurt. He was adamant about it and never stopped talking about how good I made him feel, but it was in a predatory, possessive way. Partly, I think he wanted me to feel in control, all the while he was actually manipulating me. I know that now. I thought he loved me, Kurt, and in the end, he only wanted two things from me: my money and the lifestyle that brought him and my big cock, and I _know_ that sounds so crass, I know it does. Especially since I just admitted I wanted what I was giving him, but it’s how it was. And...and, saying it out loud to you now, to someone outside my therapist, I think may be one of the hardest things I’ve ever done in my life. I have felt so ashamed that he used me for so long. Ashamed for what I truly wanted. Ashamed to have believed he loved me, Kurt. Five years is so long not to know you are living a lie and also to want something so badly.”

Kurt twists on the couch and climbs right up into Blaine’s lap, straddling him. Their arms fly around each other and hold on to each other like they are the last two people on earth. With everything finally out in the open between them, they let their emotions loose. It’s a tidal wave of sobs into each other’s arms. Openly lamenting the abuse they had both experienced at the hands of others. It wasn’t all pain, though; somehow, there were tears of joy knowing that together they would heal those wounds and create something beautiful. It would all be the sweeter because they knew the bitter taste of what had come before.

After the emotions have subsided, and the sobs simply turn into tears, some tissues are located, and they wipe away their tears and drippy noses as best they can. They slide down on the couch sideways facing each other, legs tangled, holding each other for a very long time—each allowing the space to replay the conversation over and over again in their minds and hearts.

“You’ve always wanted to top,” Blaine whispers as he rubs Kurt’s back.

“He, he never let you bottom,” Kurt says as he twirls a finger in Blaine’s curly locks.

They look at each other in amazement and confirmation.

“Okay then,” Blaine exhales.

“Okay then,” Kurt whispers back.

The tether tightens its hold.

Just as they are about to drift off to sleep for a bit after the emotional release, Kurt giggles and says quietly, “Truthfully baby, I may have a bit of a size kink too? Scott was, umm… a bit small— I was always disappointed by that.” 

Blaine lets out a loud belly laugh, “Oh, Kurt, Connor was barely average! They didn’t deserve us did they?” he kisses Kurt once on the nose, and as they settle even deeper into each other's arms, they drift off both smiling.

When they wake up about an hour later, it’s raining. The skyline outside Blaine’s windows are shimmering with a mix of water and the bright lights of a city that never sleeps. Kurt loves it. It seems like a metaphor for what just happened. They let everything out—the tears came. It’s all been cleared and cleaned away. It seems like a fresh start for both of them. 

“How are you feeling, baby?” Blaine asks before he dives into Kurt’s neck and exposed collar bone for a few kisses.

“I honestly feel amazing. I think we still have lots to talk about regarding sex, but I’ve been carrying all of that around for so long it felt nice to be able to talk to someone about it. How do you feel?”

“The same, honey. It feels liberating to have voiced some of those things out loud where it was safe for me.”

“How about we go freshen up for a few minutes? I have got to brush my teeth,” Kurt laughs at himself. He’s a little obsessed with cleaning them. What can he say? “And then maybe we can keep talking if you are up for it?” Blaine agrees so they head off. While they’re at it, they clean up the cheesecake and tidy up the kitchen. Blaine is humming a song, and when Kurt asks about it, he grabs him by the hand and drags him to the piano and pulls him down next to him on the bench. 

“I worked on this song with Colbie. You might recognize it,” he gives a shoulder nudge to Kurt with a big cheesy grin. He plays the intro, staring at Kurt, and then starts singing [_You Got Me_](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LASUAy2YRjI). Kurt sings along to some of the parts he knows, he has heard before but doesn’t have it memorized. They have the goofiest grins on their faces, it’s hard to sing when you’re smiling so hard, but Blaine does his best. 

When the song is over, Kurt lays his head on Blaine’s shoulder, full of bliss. He thinks about how just a week ago tonight, he was fighting for his chance to be with Blaine in a restaurant across town. “What a wonderful week,” Kurt says happily as memories of the week flood through his mind. 

“With you in it, what a wonderful life,” Blaine replies. 

They both laugh and, almost at the same time, say, “We’re ridiculous.” They know it, and they love it. 

“Alright, my good sir, shall we play twenty questions for our date? We can get into the nitty-gritty about some of our expectations around sex. This is something normally we’d talk about over time, but with our histories, I thought maybe we should get it all out there in the open. Anything that needs to go in our journal can—I mean, obviously, we even had sex yet. And anything that might need some thinking about, we can agree on a time to go back to it?” Kurt walks over to the door to grab something from his bag. He comes back with two whiteboards and two dry-erase markers. 

“What are those for?” Blaine asks.

“Well, I wanted to see if they would help us be able to have this talk and also make it fun for our date? I wanted to have our date for tonight sync up with our milestone conversation. So is that ok?”

“Of course, but what are the boards for?”

“Well, when a question gets asked, we write our truthful uncensored answers on here and then turn them around. I thought it might be a fun way to handle this. We can assure that each of us is talking through our actual answers and aren’t censoring ourselves. We’ve got to talk about this stuff with how fast everything is going.”

“I agree, and I’m willing to try this. But we have to promise each other once again, this is a safe space and that everything is private, confidential and also that if anything seems like a dealbreaker, we remain calm and find a way to talk through it. I need to know you feel safe, Kurt, I need to feel safe.”

“Of course. I was going to say something similar, so I think we are on the same page. This may be one of the most difficult nights for us, but I hope in a lot of ways we look back and see how much heartbreak we saved ourselves by talking about it in the first place.”

Blaine nods and uncaps his marker.

“Okay, so here we go, and you can write just short notes or words enough for us to be able to semi-understand what the answer will be. We can adapt as we go along but let’s get started, yeah?” 

“Let’s do it!”

“Okay, these questions came from a premarital class list I found online, by the way. First one,” Kurt pulls out a question from the envelope he grabbed with the whiteboards, “How often would you like to have sex?”

 _Blaine writes: Now? Every day, realistically 4-5x a week._ _  
_ _Kurt writes: @ 1st every day, w/ time communicate expectations._

They turn their boards around and grin at each other. “We’re going to be lost to the world for the first little while, aren’t we, Blaine?” 

“I think so.” Blaine laughs. “Once we give in to this chemistry, I think it’s going to be a while before we’re thinking rationally again,” he sighs, he has to say the next part, he just has to. 

“But yeah, we just need to keep communicating about it as time goes on. I never want our outside life to interfere with our home life, Kurt. I’m not going to live that way ever again. One of the biggest red flags I should have been paying attention to with Connor is how easily we dismissed time together because we were building our careers. _Not doing that again._ I guess a lot of this I wanted to talk to you when we have the work/money milestone conversation. Sorry, I think I’m getting ahead of myself here, Kurt.”

“Baby, it’s okay. You are clearly stating your boundaries, which I did last Friday at our dinner and have done several times since. I know my career is just starting, but Blaine nothing, I mean nothing is more important to me than family. I have already lost my brother and my mother. I know what it means to prioritize what is important. Let’s put that boundary in the journal to define what that means better for us as we move forward, though, okay?” 

Blaine nods, gets the journal from the office, comes back, and writes a few notes down. “Let’s just keep up on this as we go.” 

It’s Kurt’s turn to nod. Then he picks up the next slip of paper.

“Second question, ‘Do you and your partner prioritize sex?’ Oh, we just talked about that. Shall we just move to the next one?” 

“I think it’s a little bit different. Maybe we should ask it as, ‘Do you prioritize anything over sex?’” Kurt raises an eyebrow at that but nods his head, and they both start writing. 

_Blaine writes: Partner’s state of mind_ _  
_ _Kurt writes: Mental health and/or important obligations for partner_

Turning over their boards, they are happy to see they agree once again. Kurt explains that for him, it’s very important for the partner not to ask to stay in bed or call into work or school when they know they have something they’ve already committed to. Not that it can never happen, lots of things can be canceled or rescheduled, but once a partner says “no,” that should be that, and they should support them in fulfilling their obligations. 

Blaine agrees as well, so they move on. Kurt pulls another question at random.

“How often do you masturbate on your own? Should a committed relationship change that?’’

“Geez, Kurt, this one is going to take some talking about —I’ll write an answer, but wow, these are getting right to the heart of it all, aren’t they?” He starts writing.

 _Blaine writes: 4 x’s a week typically, lately more & yes changes  
_ _Kurt writes: Before you 3x a week, since you multiple times daily. Part 2) changes._

After they turn their boards around, Blaine asks if Kurt wants to go first. 

“I’ve never really been obsessed with it, Blaine. It’s always been more mechanical for me. I need to get off, so I do. It feels good, but it’s not something I think about much otherwise. But with you in my life, Blaine, I have loved masturbating because it makes me feel more connected to you; they have been the best orgasms I’ve ever had thinking about you. And it’s also very much a means to control myself around you on our dates. I’ve never felt this physically attracted to someone, ever. So not only do I enjoy it, but it helps me keep my cock somewhat under control around you.” 

Blaine grins at Kurt with a wide smile. “I love knowing I drive you wild, and for the record, the same goes for you, Mr. Hummel. I’ve been a lot more uhh...active since we’ve met. So, next part, why do you feel like masturbation should change in a committed relationship?”

Kurt answers without hesitation. “Masturbation is too easy. It’s like an easy way out, I think. I struggle with the idea of masturbation in a long term relationship or a marriage. If you don't make an effort with your partner and just get up in the morning and get off, you grow apart, right? On the other hand, sometimes, you just need to get off quickly, and maybe they aren’t around? But I don’t know —I would like to think we can make a better effort for each other by seeking the release we need together. Even if we just watch. I’m not against it, but I think that we should give each other the chance to be part of that experience first. I’m pretty open to discussion on this because I don’t know what it's like long term. I've never lived with someone before.”

“Thank you, Kurt. I agree with you in many respects, and I think there is more we need to talk about regarding this. But before I tell you my thoughts, I…” Blaine seems confused about something and concerned. “Kurt, before we go any farther, we need to talk about something else, okay?” 

“What is it, honey?”

“Earlier, when you first started talking to me, I didn’t catch on that you were trying to tell me that you felt like you were a virgin until you were way deeper into the conversation, and at the point, I didn't want to interrupt you. Then later, you answered some of my questions as you finished telling me, but I think we need to talk about this and what it means for us.”

Kurt visibly closes in on himself, pulling his legs up on the couch, and folding his arms around the whiteboard, curling over slightly. Blaine doubts he even knows he did it.

Kurt asks in a small voice, “Does it change the way you look at me? Are you upset or frustrated that I don’t have more experience? I’m so sorry, Blaine. I should have told you sooner.”

“Kurt, oh my gosh, no!” Blaine tosses his whiteboard down on the table and grabs Kurt’s and tosses it too; then he pulls Kurt into his lap sideways. “Baby, no. You told me right upfront when you were willing to talk to me about all of this, and here we are. Don’t you dare apologize, please.”

Kurt has tears starting to stream down his face, and he’s squirming in Blaine’s arms. “Damn it, Blaine, I’m sick of crying about this. I’m sick of it! My whole life, I’ve been dealing with my sexuality and the horrible experiences or the lack thereof, and I just, I’m so done.” He gets off of Blaine’s lap, walks into the bathroom, shuts the door, and locks it. 

Blaine sits on the couch in shock. _What the hell just happened?_ He couldn’t go on another minute tonight without acknowledging that Kurt felt like he was a virgin, or at least he was where penetration was concerned. How could he just keep on ignoring it? But what he wanted to do was assure Kurt that he would take care of him, that he was okay with it, that he would be a safe place for Kurt to express his desires.

He was mostly going to ask Kurt how much of his perspective he _wanted_ to hear regarding relationships. Blaine had the perspective to answer some of these questions with more experience, but it’s not always easy to hear about ex-boyfriends. It didn't seem like Kurt had much time even in having a boyfriend. So when Kurt started asking all these questions, Blaine wasn’t sure how much Kurt wanted to hear from him, perspective wise, on some of these in-depth topics. Which, quite frankly, he hadn’t even been able to discuss with Connor or relationships before that very well. It’s all of those “too big” feelings again. They keep trying to compress a lifetime of emotions into this very minute. Had he approached it wrong? What did he say that set Kurt off? He felt horrible but honestly didn't understand how he could have dealt with it differently. 

In the bathroom, Kurt has slid down to the floor, his face is crimson, and his skin is red hot to the touch. He’s never been so angry. The most confusing part of it is that he is so aroused by his anger, his cock is exceptionally hard, and he needs relief. So much so that it feels like the only thing that matters in the world. He palms himself a few times to try and relieve the pressure, but he’s just so hard it doesn’t even help. His anger is seething, his teeth are clenched, his fists are so tight he’s making red marks in his palms. _Screw this—I need to come right now._ He unzips his zipper and harshly yanks himself out. He starts to rub himself out rough and frenzied. Why has his sexuality brought him so much pain? _Why!?_

_Damn it, please just let me come, please!_ But no matter how livid he is, no matter how frantically he pulls, no matter how rock hard he is, he can’t get himself over the edge, and it just pisses him off even more. He shoves himself back in his pants. Frustrated, he growls into the air _._ He doesn’t care about the obscene bulge in his jeans anymore. Blaine knows he’s got a huge cock now anyway. Why even try to hide it or pretend? He throws the door open. He needs to scream; he needs to let this all out. He knows he’s irrational, but somewhere in the back of his mind, there is an ounce of sanity actually telling him it’s all going to be okay, that he should stop worrying about being irrational and just let it out, let the anger out. _Go scream!_

He walks out into the room to find Blaine sitting on the edge of the couch with his head in his hands, resting on his knees. Like he’s contemplating what he did wrong. 

In Kurt’s current state, it just takes the anger to the next level. He puts his hands on his head, standing in the middle of the room, and turns a few times. He doesn't know how to let all this anger out, but he has to. Blaine finally looks at him, and he can see himself through Blaine’s eyes. He seems positively manic. Red skin, burning hot tears that won’t spill, a raging hard-on, hands folded above his head, so he doesn’t do something idiotic, he looks like a caged animal ready to break the bars of his prison. 

He can’t hold the dam back any longer, and he starts screaming. 

“I feel like I’m a kid trying to play an adult with my sexuality. Trying to get through these questions with you. I tried...I want to...I thought it might make me feel normal. I’m so sick of not feeling normal. I am pissed off, Blaine, to the point where I know I’m not in control—that I’m being irrational.

“I’m so angry! I just want to feel like I belong with someone, to you! I want you to pin me to the wall and mark me, take me, hold me down, make me yours, but I am terrified of everything that you could be hiding away. I need to be safe, Blaine, but I just realized that with your experience, how can you just want vanilla sex with me? How can I ask you to be patient and wait for me to catch up? It’s—I’m just so damn pissed off. To come this close to a forever with you and then realize that this could be the end of everything. 

“I don't want to find out you are heavily into BDSM, and I can't be who you need right now. Do you have some crazy weird kink that is going to get off on me being virginal? Are you going to resent my lack of experience because I can’t get you off the way you want with some crazy fantasy or role-playing? Do you have whips? Or do you expect me to wear lingerie? I probably don’t even know what other kinks to ask you about, Blaine! That terrifies me! I resent you for it, and I don't know why. I hate that you could be hiding all of it from me. Somewhere dark in your mind to pull out on a random day when I least expect it. That I’ll never be safe, I’m scared that I’ll never know what it’s like to be equal in bed. 

“Or that I’ll find out you are addicted to pornography and it will be part of our relationship. I hate it. I hate pornography. When I’ve seen it, it always made me feel even worse about my size! Like I was something to be consumed. Like those guys I met in the clubs, the few times I tried it, were looking at my dick to see if I would be a good grind to get off to their fantasies about the porn they watched before they left home or would watch after they went back. It made me wonder if the guy I was kissing was imagining something more from the videos in his head and wasn’t even present with me.

“It will destroy me if this is the thing that breaks us apart after everything that I’ve lived through with my sexuality. I’m petrified that we will find out we aren’t going to be compatible with sex or our expectations. I can’t bear to hear you say it. I can’t! I don’t want you to have to change who you are for me. You shouldn’t have to! But I am terrified, Blaine, terrified that this will end badly like everything else in my life regarding this.”

And then, one of those red hot traitorous tears finally falls down his cheek, and that is the final straw. He lifts his head toward the ceiling, closes his eyes, and screams from the bottom of his soul. It’s the hair-raising sound of years of pain leaving his body. Or, as Blaine sees it from his perspective, the phoenix has burned to the ground and is about to rise and be reborn from the ashes. 

Before he realizes what is happening, he feels himself being pulled. Blaine has him by the waist and the arm, and less than a second after that, Blaine has him pinned up against a wall. He brings Kurt’s wrists up and pins them above his head with each of his hands. He presses his body hard against him; their erections brush against each other just once. He scrapes his teeth and lips hard across Kurt’s collarbone and up to his neck. When he gets to Kurt’s ear, he whispers, “Monday.”

It sends a violent shiver of want through Kurt’s body.

“Now you are going to listen,” he says lovingly but firmly, as he starts to pull back far enough that he can look into Kurt’s eyes and read the expressions on his face. “You are everything to me, do you understand me? Everything! I will have vanilla sex with you until the day we die if that is all you are ever ready for. I _hate_ pornography too, Kurt. I can give you all the reasons another time. Have I seen it? Yes. But I am not addicted, and it will never ever reach our bedroom. In fact, that is a dealbreaker for me. I have three, so let’s get them out in the open okay? Porn Addiction, Drug/Alcohol Abuse, Cheating. Now you know where I stand. As for kinks, Kurt, we will go sit down and talk about them in a minute but not until you know that I am your safe space, and I always will be. Always. There is no sacrifice too big for me where sex is concerned to make sure you feel loved and safe. Do you understand me on this, Kurt?” He looks deep into his eyes and tries to push all his love and honesty through his own, willing Kurt to see just how serious he is about this. He will _never_ ever allow what happened to him, happen to Kurt. 

Kurt stares for a few moments, searching Blaine’s eyes for sincerity before he finally seems to relax in Blaine’s grip. He nods and brings his head forward to rest on Blaine’s shoulder, seeking comfort in his neck. Blaine is alarmed when noticing how much warmer Kurt’s skin is than usual. _He really was burning._

“One last thing, before I let go. When we go sit, I am begging you; please do not apologize for what just happened. I have never been so proud of anyone in my entire life. Kurt, you have no idea, just really no idea how amazing you are.” Kurt whimpers and relaxes more into Blaine.

“Now, if you are ready, I’ll let go of you, but if you need me to hold you longer, I will hold you all night. Like this or any other way that you ask me.”

“I’m ready. Can we sit down? I’m feeling a little exhausted after that,” his voice is raw and painful.

Blaine turns and kisses Kurt’s cheek, lovingly. He lets go of Kurt’s hands and wraps him up tight into a huge hug. 

They make their way back to the couch, and Blaine has Kurt lay down, and then Blaine sits so that Kurt can put his legs over his lap. 

“Kurt, what you tried to do tonight was incredibly brave, and I don’t think you even understand what you did yourself. But do you see that you stood up for yourself? That by sharing your deepest fears that you set yourself free? That, by allowing that anger to leave your body, you can move on?

“Now let’s talk about kinks. We’ve teased about them before, and we’ve shared a few things, but you are absolutely right not to take them lightly. They are serious, and people can hide things. But they can also be beautiful and wonderful and help fulfill each other’s emotional needs. So communication surrounding them has to be transparent. I feel like we’ll be able to do that? If there is one thing we are exceptional at, Kurt, it’s talking to each other? Right?”

Kurt nods and opens his mouth like he’s about to speak, but then closes it again. Blaine sees and asks him, “What were you going to say, love?”

“Despite the meltdown I just had, I’m not opposed to trying out kinks, Blaine. I think I’m going to enjoy sex very much, especially with you, so I don't want you to think that I’m not willing to try things. I want both of us to feel safe enough to ask for the things we like or want, no matter how out there they are, as long as we are constantly communicating. And everything new is done in tiny, and I mean very tiny, increments at first.” 

He takes a deep breath. “Maybe we can have a safe word? That is normal, right? That doesn't have to be a bondage thing?”

“Of course we can, Kurt. That is an excellent idea and definitely not a bondage only thing. Do you want to make them now? Or we can use the color system, red, yellow, green until you are feeling better about everything? That actually might help us as we explore each other.”

“We can use that for now if you think that will work, but I would like my own safeword eventually. So I will think about it, and we can talk about it again.” 

“Sounds good, baby.”

Blaine inhales deeply. “Now part of me wants to lead you into my bedroom and go through every closet, drawer, and cupboard to assure you that I have no secrets hiding. And if that would make you feel better, let’s do it right now. I’m not kidding. I have some sex toys but nothing too crazy, a few vibrators and things. You are welcome to see them if it would help you. I told you the first night you came here, this place is yours to explore as you would like to, and that offer will always be open to you, Kurt. I have no secret chains, no whips, and leather chaps. Not that we can’t have those things if you ever wanted them, but I’m just saying I don’t have them now, and I definitely don’t need them to make me happy,” Blaine takes another deep breath. _Trust the connection. Stay calm for Kurt._

“But if you feel like you are good right now, there are two other things I’d like to talk to you about?”

“I’m good. Thank you for reassuring me. I appreciate it, but I’m feeling so much better now. I hope you can see that all of that came from the deepest, darkest corners of my mind and heart, and I don't want you to walk on eggshells around me. I had to get it out, and it’s out. Those thoughts aren’t at the forefront of my mind all the time.”

“Okay, well first honey, you are right to trust your instincts. You should always listen to them. That anger was a very good thing. I actually feel so much safer with our sex life going forward because I can see you are in touch with what is happening inside your mind and heart.

“I was not that way when I started dating Connor, and I hate that he keeps coming up, but he is part of my past and part of my sexual experience. I don’t think it’s appropriate to get into details, at least not right now, but I didn’t stand up for myself as often as I should have. For example, since it’s already come up, I allowed things like porn to become part of our regular sex life, and I hated it—loathed it, resented him for it. But I thought what I was doing was a loving act for him because he wanted it. Now I know that isn’t true at all, that isn’t showing respect to yourself or your partner. So never again, ever. I am going to stand up for myself, and I expect the same from you, Kurt. 

“It would kill me to find out you are ever ‘enduring’ something because you think it will make me happy. That is not okay with me, not ever. I always want you to feel safe in our bed, always.

“Obviously it’s crucial not just to dismiss an idea outright when our partner has had the courage to express something they would like to try, but after a fair discussion, if something can’t be worked out, we have to be able to trust each other to say ‘no’ when we mean it, and ‘I’ll try it’ only when we can.”

“Thank you, Blaine. That makes sense, and I’m grateful that you are explaining and sharing all of this and being so patient with me. And also, I want you to know that I’m proud of you for standing up for yourself now. I want that for you, for both of us. We're going to be okay, aren’t we?”

“Oh, Kurt, I think we are going to be more than okay. With the kind of communication we have? I think we can have an incredibly fulfilling and rich sex life. I think that we’ll be able to make each other very happy in so many ways.”

“ _Mmmm,_ I look forward to that. Can we take a minute to write down in the journal what you said a minute ago about not enduring things and not immediately dismissing our partners' ideas without actually talking about it or taking a minute to think about it? I like the commitment behind the idea of ‘no’ and ‘I’ll try it,’ and I think we need to add, ‘maybe someday, but not now.’”

“Yes, you are right. That is a perfect addition, Kurt.” 

“If you hand me the journal, I’ll write a few notes about this then.” Blaine reaches over and grabs the journal on the end table and hands it over to Kurt. He gives Kurt a minute to write his thoughts down. 

“Okay, the second thing is that I want to make sure that Monday is good for both of us. So if it’s okay, I’m going to ask you a series of rapid-fire questions, and you can ask any too? But by default, if I’m asking you about it, I’m more than okay with you doing the same to me. You can just give a simple answer yes or no unless you need to elaborate, that work?”

“Sure!” Kurt says with happiness, returning to his voice. He’s feeling so much better, the anger is just barely a hum on his skin now, and it seems to be evaporating quickly.

“Are you still wanting to move forward with our physical relationship on Monday?”

“Oh, dear god, please, yes.” 

Blaine can’t help but laugh at that. 

“Are you okay with dirty kissing—teeth, tongue, nipping, light biting, etc.?”

“Yes.”

“Are you okay with me touching your cock outside of your clothes when we’re flirting?”

“Yes”

“Are you okay with grinding clothed?”

“Yes.”

“Are you comfortable with me taking all of your clothing off?”

“Yes”

“Is there any part of your body I shouldn’t touch?”

“No.” 

“Is there any part of your body I shouldn’t kiss?”

“No.”

“Okay, hold on a second, Kurt, I want you to think about that last question. Are you sure you’re okay with that? What if I want to kiss your pinky toe, or your anus, your perineum?”

“I think so, Blaine. I want everything with you. I can use a color if I don't like it?”

“Of course, you can, Sunshine. I just want to make sure you are really thinking about the questions because I want Monday to be special for both of us, okay?”

“Thank you, Blaine, but I am okay so far.”

“You would like to penetrate me or “top” is that correct?”

“Yes.”

“Would you like it if I bottomed from the top, such as riding you?”

“Oh geez, Blaine, the mental image. Yes.”

“If, in the heat of the moment, if you ask me to penetrate you, Kurt, do you want me actually to do it?”

“Yes, if you are okay with it, and we take it slow. I will want it eventually for sure, but if I ask for it, I think it will be okay.”

“Are you sure about what you just said? I want to make sure we are very clear about what you want because you said, ‘you think’ you will be okay. What will you do if you are not okay?”

“Yes, I want you to if I ask. More specifically, I will ask when I am ready, whether it is Monday or a year from now. And secondly, I will safeword if I have asked, and then I am uncomfortable with it.”

“Thank you, Kurt. I appreciate the clarification, and I’m sorry if this all seems clinical and unromantic right now, but I need to make sure I understand your boundaries so I can respect you.”

“I appreciate it more than you will ever know, Blaine. I feel so safe and loved right now at this moment with you.”

“I’m glad, honey. I want you to know I feel the same way. Now, what about blow jobs, have you had a blow job before?”

“Yes.”

“Would you like me to give you a blow job?”

“Yes.”

“Have you given a blow job before?”

“Yes.”

“If I asked you for a blow job, would that be okay?”

“More than okay.”

“Do you like being held down?”

“Yes.”

“Earlier, you expressed a desire to be pinned to the wall, and I felt strongly you needed me to really do it. Did I make the right choice?”

“Yes, I needed it so much, thank you.”

“Would you like me to do it again in the future, against a wall or in bed?”

“Yes.”

“Would you like holding me down or pinning me to the wall?”

“Oh, you have no idea, Blaine.”

“Okay, so tell me about that. What does that mean?”

“I like the idea of each of us surrendering control at some point to the other. The idea that we would feel safe enough to do that turns me on so much.”

“You also said you wanted me to mark you. Can you clarify that for me, please?”

“I think this is a new kink for me. I’ve never liked it before, biting, marks, hickeys. But I have this insatiable longing for you to mark my skin in every way possible. And I feel like I need to do the same to you. It’s a new feeling for me, but I want it so bad if you want it. The way you had your teeth on my neck earlier, I thought I would die if you didn't mark me. Although I think our necks should be off-limits for marks that will show or bruise. I’m sorry, but I think it’s tacky to have that showing at work and school.”

“Thank you, honey. I want you to know that I am also very okay with being marked. I agree with you, it’s too much for work and school. That being said, I like having them where they show. I like feeling owned like that, Kurt. So if we were on vacation or had a few days to ourselves, would that change your limit on that?”

“Oh, for sure. If we had a few days off, I wouldn’t care where you left marks on me. And it’s not a hard limit for me, Blaine. If it happens sometimes, it’s fine, I just think it’s tacky to show up to school like that is all.”

Blaine nods that he understands.

“Would you like to keep sex in the bedroom for now?”

“No.”

“Tell me about that?”

“I don’t think I’m opposed to some crazy things happening in the moment. The shower, a couch, against a wall maybe. I don’t know, but I’m not worried about keeping it in bed.”

“Kurt, I’m gay.”

Kurt chuckles at that. _Where is Blaine going with this?_

“I’m going to be very turned on by your cock, and knowing that you are going to be the biggest I’ve had—it’s not going to be easy for me to keep quiet about, but I want to be sensitive to your needs and past experiences and how that makes you feel about you. But I’m going to want to touch and tell you exactly how much I want you. In the moment, I might not even realize I’m doing it. Baby, this isn’t just about your cock. It never will be just about that. I’ll try—but I don’t think I can hold back all the time on expressing just how much I’ll be turned on by it, is that going to be hurtful for you if I say something?”

“No, I don't think it will, Blaine. You have been such a gentleman to me. I’m sure you could tell I was big, but you’ve never tried to ‘accidentally’ brush against me to touch. I’ve been hard around you, and you’ve kept your eyes where you said you would. You have respected our agreement about physical touch to perfection and didn’t mock me about the absurd blanket. I already feel more respected by you than anyone else I’ve ever been with. Somehow you being bigger and understanding what that means makes it all easier for me? We’re in this together now, and I love that we can share that. But I promise you if I start feeling like I’m being fetishized, I will speak up, and you have to do the same because I'm going to be immensely turned on by you too, Blaine. But it’s like we’re both big, so it just seems like it might feel normal, and we can just be two guys together like everyone else gets to be. Like together, it cancels out the novelty of it for each of us since we are pretty evenly matched. Does that make any sense at all?”

“It makes perfect sense to me. So to repeat back to make sure I understand. You are okay with me making comments, and telling you how turned I am on by you. If I say something about your size, it will be taken in the context of two gay men enjoying sex together?”

“Yes.”

“Okay, but you do understand that I have a size kink? I can’t deny that. I will enjoy that you are big. You have admitted something similar, so I just want to make sure you know that even though we are similar in size, I will be turned on by how big you are. I am more than fine if you find my size a turn on Kurt, but I want to be transparent about this with you. Absolute clarification.”

“Baby, thank you for being so careful about this for me. But like I said, you have treated me with nothing but respect. If my size turns you on, don't censor yourself—I feel safe with you. I don’t want you to hold back while we’re having sex, Blaine. Be who you want to be around me. I don’t want to censor myself about you either. Let’s enjoy each other’s bodies.”

“We both have to promise to speak up if something is said about it ever makes us not feel good. I’m serious, Kurt, no holding back.”

“I promise.”

“Me too.”

“Okay, moving on! After orgasming, do you like to be cuddled, or do you need time without touching?”

“I will always want touching and reassurance after. If for any reason, I don’t, I will be sure to tell you that I just need a minute.”

“Same with me, baby.”

“Consent means everything to me, Kurt. Do you feel like you are under any pressure to have sex with me?”

“No! Oh my hell, Blaine, no! Do you feel like that with me? I’m not pressuring you am I?”

“No, Kurt. No, you aren’t, but I think it’s imperative that we understand what consent is, which is why I wanted to talk to you about all of this before we give in to the insane chemistry, and we aren’t thinking with our minds anymore.”

“Oh, okay, thank you for clarifying that for me. I see your point. It’s easy to get caught up in the heat of the moment.”

“Exactly. Which brings me to my last question. The other night you tried to talk to me about condoms. I think I have a better perspective on why you asked about not using them. At the time, I didn’t understand that it was going to be your first time. We got our tests back today, and they were all negative, so this is the part where we talk about this. It’s our first chance to work out something together. So talk to me, baby.”

“I don’t want to use them with you, Blaine. Not for my first time, or first couple of times at the very least. I want to be able to feel you around me. I want to be fully in contact with your whole body. Total unison with each other. Plus, using them during oral sex takes so much of the experience away. But, I absolutely understand why that might just be a hard limit ‘no’ for you, I really do, honey.” 

“It’s a huge thing for me, Kurt. I’ve been excessively cautious. As I told you the other night, I’ve always used one. But, I want that with you too. It’s the first time I’ve ever really wanted it, so scares the hell out of me for obvious reasons. However, since we just got tested, how about we compromise for now and we can revisit this again later. For your first time, we won’t use condoms. I want you to have that, sweetheart; I want that for us. So this is my ‘I’ll try.’ After that, if we’re both okay with it, we’ll not use them for the first few days, or until we’re wanting to use them just for ease of cleaning up, etc. But I’m not sure I can last much longer than a few days.”

Kurt sits up and grabs Blaine pulling him down on top of him, holding him tight. “Thank you, baby. This means everything to me that you are even willing to try. But if at the last minute you can’t do it, I will be okay with that. I need you to know that. Promise me you will tell me if we need to use one?”

“I promise, Kurt. Thank you for understanding.” He reaches up and kisses Kurt’s nose. “Now, I’ve asked everything that I think might come up for Monday, but do you have any questions for me, love?”

“Yes, actually, I do. Or maybe it’s me expressing a limit to you. I’m not sure? But—for now, I—I don’t like dirty talk, swearing, or name-calling. I notice that you don’t swear much, we both tend to keep it at hell and damn, and I wondered if we could talk about that?”

“Again, for reasons related to previous experience, I don’t want to get into right now. I loathe it too, Kurt. I can’t believe we haven’t talked about this before. I would prefer to keep our language loving and kind as much as possible, and when things get heated, obviously, we can express it with words that come at the moment. It can be really hot when a choice swear word slips out occasionally, especially when we don’t use them normally. But the dirty name-calling or strings of really crude language is an absolute hard no for me and probably always will be.”

“I’m so relieved, Blaine. I’ve been called vile names my whole life from bullies in Lima and even randomly on the subway, you know? Plus, cursing combined with name-calling automatically brings up the way that Dave talked to me. And the few sexual experiences I've had with dirty talk left me feeling violated and used afterward. I really don’t like it. As you said, a word slipping out in the heat of the moment isn’t going to bother me, but I can’t handle more than that.”

“So we’re on the same page with that, it feels amazing. Anything else? I’m here, and you can take your time if you want to think about it.” Blaine takes a deep breath, he can’t believe he didn’t think to talk about language with Kurt, and he’s so grateful Kurt feels the same way. Recovering from the name-calling with Connor took him a long time in therapy.

“Not right now. That seems like enough to get us through our first few days, right? And we can talk about stuff the next couple of days if it comes up.” He thinks for a moment and realizes he does have something else.

“Actually, yes. Can I ask you one of the questions that we didn’t get to?”

“Of course, Kurt, and also I’d love to finish all of the questions but let’s maybe do it next week? They were perfect. I appreciate what you were trying to do.” 

“Sounds good, I’d love to finish them. So the question I wanted to know is if there is anything I can do for you that you love during foreplay. You know that turns you on? I want to make you feel good too, Blaine.”

“Oh, that is a good question. I want you to answer it too. I have super sensitive nipples, so any attention you give me there will set me off. And I also really like having the skin around my balls rubbed together and touched. You?”

“ _Mmmm,_ I like both of those things too. I also think you’ve realized how sensitive my neck is and behind my ears? I really love that. And kissing, I love to kiss, Blaine. And not just as a means to an end. I always enjoy it. So anytime you want to engage in that, I will love it.”

“Sweetheart? I’m very much afraid that once I get to kiss you, I will never let you go again. I plan on kissing you until forever.”

Kurt laughs and holds Blaine tighter, “Forever.”

\----~---------------------~---

Later that night, a curly-haired man lays in his moonlit bed, breathing heavy, enjoying the afterglow of his orgasm (talking about sex all night and spending thirty minutes necking Kurt before he went home was a little more than he could handle) reflects on his day. 

His therapist was caught entirely by surprise by how he walked into the room happy as a lark with a wide grin on his face. Her first comment to him was, “You look so alive and well today, Blaine. What’s got you so happy?” He then proceeded to regale her with tales of Kurt for thirty minutes, almost non-stop. She nodded and smiled and asked a few questions, but mostly she listened. She was impressed with their contract idea, their boundaries being expressed between them, the conversations they’d had, and most of all, she hadn’t flinched when he mentioned soulmate. She agreed that the soulmate bond was possible, rare but possible. She reminded him about the key foundations to a good relationship: Speaking up, Mutual Respect, Conflict Resolution & Compromise, Supportive of Goals, Respect of Privacy.

Privacy. That sort of deflated him a little when she said that. He shared with her what Kurt had offered him. He shared about his anger once again over the loss of his privacy (they’d been working on that before), his self-loathing at asking Kurt to become part of his life, therefore by default asking him to give up some of his privacy. She said that was a good sign of his love for Kurt, that he was worried about the consequences of his actions and how it would affect him. She comforted Blaine that mourning the loss of privacy is normal and that it’s okay if he’s not okay with it for right now. They’d keep working on it, and he should continue talking to her and Kurt about his feelings so that they didn’t build up.

Her final advice before he left was, “I recommend that you keep listening for those whispers from your instincts that you once ignored. We’ve talked about that. But it sounds like you are being smart about this and that you each treat each other with respect. Keep doing what you’re doing. The light in your eyes is contagious.”

He then reflects on the evening with Kurt, what a wild, crazy, roller coaster of a night. How is it even possible that a week ago tonight, he had pulled the line “it’s complicated” and tried to walk away? Sometimes he still just can’t get over how brave Kurt is. He is the reason they have this beautiful future in front of them.

To be wrapped in love by someone such as Kurt is nothing to take lightly. He is willing to give you everything that he is. He’s lionhearted in his vulnerability once you earn his loyalty. To hold the heart of a man such as him is a responsibility that is a privilege to have. 

Blaine wants to continue to be worthy of the task.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Word Count: 11k+ (Please note that as I was writing the story I decided not to break long chapters into parts anymore—I wanted the whole day to be in one chapter. So from this point going forward, some of these will be long.)
> 
> Warnings for this chapter: They have the sex talk. As labeled there is a size!kink. They talk about using safewords. There are mentions of past emotional abuse. There is anger and screaming. There is a mild moment of consenting dominance to calm someone down. Mentions of: Blow jobs, pornography, penetration, topping/bottoming, not using condoms
> 
> You can find artwork (and aesthetics aka "mood boards") and other related posts to this chapter on my Tumblr page [GleefulPoppet](https://gleefulpoppet.tumblr.com/), I'll be adding things over the next month.
> 
> [Click Here to See Larger on Tumblr](https://gleefulpoppet.tumblr.com/post/632184450990686208/chapter-12-whats-going-on-in-that-beautiful)


	13. Saturday: Someone to Know You Too Well

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Word Count: 6600+ [Warnings can be found in the notes if you need them]

**I wake in the morning early  
****And always, the very first thing,  
****I poke out my head and I sit up in bed  
****And I sing and I sing and I sing.  
****B: First Poem I ever memorized, I think I was 5  
**K: I love it, and it suits you  
**B: Good morning, Sunshine  
**K: How are you, my Honey Bee?  
**B: So damn happy  
**K: Me too, bee. I slept in your sweater  
**B: Mmm, I may have yours lying on my bed at all times ;)  
****B: Do you still want to come over for studying and work this morning?  
**K: Yeah, if that still works for you  
**B: Of course, just call for a car when you are ready  
**K: TY Bee  
**B: Are you going stir crazy staying in? Should I plan something out this afternoon for our date**?  
K: Honestly? w/ the packed week & crazy day @ V yesterday & my full day tomorrow doing nothing sounds heavenly (after I get my school stuff done, obviously)  
**B: Perfect. Work was a lot this week for me too, so I get that  
****B: I’m not sure doing nothing counts as a date though, so I’ll think of something that is still nothing ;)**  
K: :) Perfect. I’m going to shower, get some breakfast and pack up, maybe 2 hours?  
**B: See you soon xoxo**

\------------------------------

“What?” Kurt asks with a sly smile and a blush as he realizes that Blaine is standing in the doorway of the office, staring at him with a content look on his face.

“Nothing, I just like watching you work. You seem so focused. I love that you give your whole heart to everything you do, baby. I don’t know, it’s fascinating to watch.” 

“Umm, thank you, I think?”

Blaine walks over to Kurt and kisses Kurt on the cheek, “It was definitely a compliment, love. Now come on, I made a Charcuterie board for lunch. You have to be hungry by now; you’ve been going at this for almost three hours.”

“Has it really been that long? Yes, I’m starving, and I am so turned on right now that you just said ‘Charcuterie.’” Kurt laughs at himself, and Blaine laughs along with him. 

“I figured we could snack on it this afternoon, and if you want, we could do something crazy like take a nap together? I don’t know about you, but I’m exhausted.”

“Why, Mr. Anderson, that sounds heavenly!” Blaine groans and grabs Kurt by the waist and tugs him even closer to him, wrapping his arms around him tightly, putting his lips right on Kurt’s ear so they brush against it. “Mr. Hummel, I do believe I’ve made it quite clear what it does to me when you call me that.” He makes his point even more by lightly sucking Kurt’s earlobe into his wet hot mouth, moaning exaggeratedly. 

Kurt’s eyelids close as his eyes roll up, his ears are warm with adrenaline, his head goes back. ”Did y-y-you?” Kurt says on a deep exhale out, pressing harder into Blaine’s body. “Maybe I forgot, or maybe—maybe I, just wanted... to see if—if it was still true.” 

Blaine lets go of his earlobe to playfully nip behind his ear once, “Oh, it is, I assure you! But we better head to the kitchen before I pin you to the wall again.” 

Kurt can only groan. _Is it Monday yet? Dammit, all to hell_. 

As they walk to the kitchen, Blaine laughs at the current state of both of them. “All eyes North of the equator for lunch,” which has Kurt giggling. Blaine loves that happy sound.

In the kitchen, they stand around the island and snack on the lunch Blaine made. Talking to each other about some of the things that have happened this week, feeding each other bites, and, as always, flirting. And while they are still touching often, they are trying to behave themselves. 

Two hours later, they wake up on the living room couch, all tangled up. “Oh wow, I feel so much better. I don’t think I realized how tired I was,” Kurt says as he stretches as much as he can with Blaine laying half on top of him. “Tomorrow is going to be nuts, so thank you for the nap.”

“I wish I could help you tomorrow. I would if I could.”

“Thank you, bee, that is sweet. I wish you could help too, to be honest. This is a big deal, you know? Getting ready for my midterm senior fashion show. When I started at Parsons, I remember that seemed so far away for me, and now here I am. I am grateful that I worked so far ahead before I met you. Otherwise, I wouldn’t have gotten to see you much this week, can you imagine? But I will be a little bit pouty and tell you how much I’m going to miss you tomorrow. It’s Sunday for heaven’s sake, but this is when the seniors could have a full run of the venue for the lighting test. ” 

“I’ll miss you too, Sunshine. But we get to have a late dinner and two dates in a row! I can’t believe I didn’t mention it this morning, but I was able to get my last obligation moved, so I have nothing Monday. Our ingenious little plan is on if you still want to!”

“Are you serious?” Kurt does his excited shimmy. It bounces Blaine’s head where it’s resting on Kurt’s chest, which has them both cracking up. “And you’re just now telling me? Geez, Bee! Oh my gosh! I may be a little bit excited.”

“Yeah, so I thought if you wanted to, you could bring your overnight bag over in the morning before you go to work on your show. I’ll have a hot breakfast and fresh coffee waiting for you. I’ll kiss you on the cheek and send you on your way. Then we can go to our late dinner at 9:00 like we planned, which will be our ninth date, and then Mr. Hummel, our tenth date, can start at midnight.”

“The universe has our backs in this, doesn’t it?” Kurt says with playful awe in his voice. “I mean, what are the chances that our tenth date would fall on the one Monday this semester I have off _and_ that I don’t work at Vogue?”

“I would say the universe has pretty spectacular timing. So, Kurt, love, will you go on a date with me at midnight on Monday and kiss me promptly at 12:01 AM because I don’t think I can wait for a second longer.”

“With pleasure, my good sir. Although I can’t tell if it’s going to make time go by faster or slower?”

“Both, I think. It will be one of those weird time vortexes. But we’ll enjoy every minute of it that we have together, and tomorrow you’ll be too busy to notice you miss me.”

“If that were only true, Blaine. I feel like my heart has gone walking outside of my body since I met you.” 

Blaine scoots up so he can kiss Kurt’s jaw, “I think I love you, Kurt Hummel.”

“I think I love you too, Blaine Blaine.”

They are still for a few minutes, enjoying their rest, and the “just woke up in each other’s arms” feeling, which is the best feeling in the world for both of them.

“Bee? I was wondering, I mean—would you have any reason to go to the fashion show at Parsons if you hadn’t met me. You know if we hadn’t bumped into each other?”

“You mean with my company?”

“Yeah. Would you have had any reason to have been there to scope out looks for your recording artists, or any other reason to be there?”

“Well, not generally. I’ve heard of it, but, I don’t think so, why?”

“Well, two reasons really. It’s just sometimes I wonder what would have happened if we hadn’t met on 5th Avenue. Do you think we would have found each other somewhere else? Or do you think we only had one shot at it? Would we have gone the rest of our lives feeling like something was missing if we hadn't met?”

“I would like to think we would have, Kurt. Surely this soulbond or connection, whatever we are calling it, would have found a way to bring us together some other way? I can't even think about the alternative. You just have no idea how much you have changed my life. When I walked into my therapist’s office yesterday, I could see how shocked she was when she saw my demeanor. And the people I work with have made more than a few comments this week. So, yeah, I’m going to have to believe that we would have found each other, somehow.”

“Bee! I can’t believe I didn't ask about your appointment yesterday. I'm so sorry! Do you want to talk to me about it? Honey, it is important to me. I am sorry I didn’t ask earlier.”

“It's fine, baby. We’ve been busy, and we’ve been talking about other things, and sure I’ll tell you all about it in a bit, but can you finish your thoughts about Parsons?”

“The first day we met, I saw the weight of the world hanging in the corners of your eyes, bee. I remember seeing that and recognizing the reflection of that weight in the mirror every day staring back at me in High School. I’ve noticed this week it seems to be distant or gone most of the time. If I had even the tiniest bit to do that, I’m glad.” 

“Kurt, you’ve had everything to do with that, everything. You lit a spark of fire in my heart that keeps growing bigger every day. Huh, there is another metaphor about fire.”

“Wait. What?”

“Nothing, nothing. It's something I’ve been thinking about. Phoenixes. Have you noticed that we seem to help each burn our emotions and past experiences down to the ground, and then we rise from the ashes? It’s happened several times for each of us. I’ve been pondering it.” 

“Wow, Blaine,” Kurt says a little choked up, “that is profoundly beautiful. And hauntingly true, in the best way. I’ve never dealt with so much or talked about so much in such a short time, but I’ve also never healed so fast or felt more whole.”

“Exactly, Kurt. It has been helping me see our conversations in new ways. I thought I should research the myth of the Phoenix. I feel like maybe it could inspire a song for me. I wonder what songs are already out there? Maybe I’ll do that tomorrow while you’re at school—wait, we got sidetracked. Back to school, what was the second thing you wanted to talk to me about Parsons?”

“I— _gah_ —why is it so hard for me to ask for things? I just was wishing you could be there. That maybe you could be? I know we can’t be seen together somewhere like that, so I wondered if you would have been there anyway. I guess, a cover-up if you will. That sounds silly, but you know what I mean.”

“Baby, if you want me there, I will be there. Can I still get a ticket? I don’t think we should walk around staring at each other with heart eyes like we normally do, but I don’t see why I can’t go and watch the show. No one will put anything like that together. I’ll clap for everyone, but secretly I clap for you louder.” They both smile big.

“It would mean a lot to me, Blaine. This is the first step towards the finale of this big dream I’ve had to graduate both from NYADA and Parsons. But Blaine, you are quickly becoming my biggest dream of all, and I would love to have you there.”

“It would be my honor, Kurt Hummel, future designer extraordinaire and upcoming Broadway star, to be there. Thank you for asking me for what you wanted and needed. That makes me feel good. It really does, Kurt. To know that you are comfortable asking me for what you need from me? I love that, so thank you.”

Kurt leans down and kisses the top of Blaine’s head, sliding his fingers through his silky raven curls, “No, thank you, bee, for supporting me. And I’ll work on asking for what I want or need. I’ve just been so independent, it’s difficult for me to ask for help or express what I want. But I want the same from you too, so I promise I’ll keep working on it.”

“I will too. But speaking of things you may want…” Blaine hops off of the couch and reaches down to pull Kurt up. “In about fifteen minutes, I have a surprise for you, so you need to drink a whole bunch of water. Let’s go, and I’m hungry, too, so let’s finish off our Charcuterie board.” Kurt laughs when Blaine winks at him when he says that with an exaggerated sexy tone to his voice like it’s going to turn Kurt on.

“We’re ridiculous,” Kurt says playfully exasperated. 

“We are. Now, come on. Water and food, and then your surprise!”

As they each drink a large glass of water and snack again, Blaine finally gives in to Kurt’s questioning facial expressions, he obviously wants to know what his surprise is, but he’s trying not to ask. “Now, before the buzzer rings for your surprise, you have to know that I haven’t violated our contract!” 

Kurt’s eyebrows shoot straight up.

“I do this almost every Saturday, so I did a big pre-packaged bundle before I even met you. And I got one free. So that is the one you are using, so I promise I’ve stayed in our $25 budget-ish. I mean, you know, I did buy stuff to make the infamous Neiman Marcus Cookies too if we wanted, but that is neither here nor there.” 

“Blaine...what…?”

The phone rings to buzz the surprise up to the penthouse. Blaine grins and goes to answer the door. Kurt follows him; he’s curious. 

“Oliva! It’s so good to see you. Come in, come in,” Blaine says as he opens the door. 

In walks a beautiful olive-skinned girl, her hair is pulled back into a loose bun, she has gentle chocolate brown eyes that seem to radiate peace and calm. She smiles and then answers Blaine’s greeting. “It’s wonderful to see you, too.”

“Olivia, this is Kurt. Kurt, this is Olivia Price.” They shake hands. “Olivia is the best massage therapist in all of New York!” Olvia’s cheeks show a hint of blush, and Kurt thinks how incredible it is that Blaine makes everyone he meets feel so special. 

“Kurt is the extra appointment I booked for today, and I’d like for him to be able to go first since he has a huge project for school he’s working on. Hopefully, it will help before he goes back to it.”

“Perfect, should we get started then?” she asks.

Blaine leads the way to his small gym. He had moved the table against the wall before Kurt even came over. Olvia gets straight to work, setting up her massage table. “Kurt, why don’t you grab one of those towels to wrap around your waist, and then you can lay down on your stomach, face down. I’ll be back in a few minutes to give you some privacy to get ready,” she says before walking out towards the front room.

“I’ll give you some privacy, too, even though I’d much rather stay and watch.” Blaine winks and looks him over appreciatively.

Kurt grabs Blaine and hugs him tight, kissing his neck hard. “Thank you, bee. This was incredibly thoughtful of you. I appreciate it so much.”

“You’re welcome, love. After you're done, you can go lay down in the extra bedroom if you’d like to rest or watch TV or whatever you’d like while I’m getting mine.” 

“I’ll see how I feel. I might want to get my work done so I can have more time with you. But again, thank you, baby.”

Kurt is in heaven. He hasn’t had a massage in years, and now he’s wondering what in the world he was thinking? This should be as mandatory as homework. He’s lost in the bliss of it when Olivia asks if everything is okay.

“You’ve got some tight knots in here. What have you been doing to yourself?” she asks kindly out of genuine concern.

“Oh, umm, getting two bachelor’s degrees in six and a half years.” 

She lets out a small laugh, “Yup, that will do it.” She doesn’t say anything for a minute, but then she hesitantly says, “I’ve never seen him like this, you know? He seems so happy. It’s a nice change.” She keeps up the message, and Kurt exhales a deep, cleansing breath.

“I have never been so happy either.” She just makes a humming sound of approval and finishes the massage. 

\------------------------------

After they had passed out tangled up on the couch together again for an hour after both of their massages were over, and Kurt had put a few more hours into his project, they were in the kitchen getting ready to make cookies. Blaine couldn’t believe that Kurt had never had the famous recipe before.

“It’s an urban legend!” Blaine says before he tells Kurt the whole story about a $250 recipe and a chain email letter that used to go around. Kurt listens and smiles and nods, and the entire time he’s thinking, _It’s incredible how this man can channel his inner eight-year-old self when he’s happy._

“Well, then I can’t wait to try them. Although can we double the nuts? You have to double the nuts in every cookie recipe, am I right?”

“You do indeed! Glad we aren’t going to be one of those couples that have to divide the dough in half to keep everyone happy.”

“Soulmates,” Kurt says delightfully.

“You want to ask some more questions while we bake them? We didn’t get too many the other day?”

“Oh, yes, let’s do it! I have them on my phone. I’ll be right back.”

As Kurt comes back into the kitchen, he laughs, catching Blaine red-handed with a palm-full of chocolate chips he’s about ready to pop into his mouth. “Alright, first one and the next on our list! What wastes the most time in your day to day life?”

“Oh _hmmm_ …I think I’m going to have to go with emails if we can pick something we dislike spending time on or if we’re talking guilty pleasure time wasters, I may have in the past spent a bit too much time on random games on my phone,” Blaine answers.

“How scandalous, Blaine. Are you more the Angry Birds or Sudoku type?”

“Oh, more like Hay Day and Word Crush type. How about you? What do you waste your time on, Mr. Hummel?”

“Commuting,” he says without hesitation. “I mean, I try to make the most of it by studying or sketching, but I feel like I spend half my life commuting.” 

Blaine’s first thought is, _Well, if you lived here, you’d save at least two hours a day. Wait, why does that feel so right already? Kurt should just move in here with me. Wow. Okay wow. That is soon and shows just how much I already love him, doesn't it? He has changed everything for me. I have never felt more loved or safe or happy than I do when I’m with him. How did I ever settle for the previous relationships I’ve had when I could have had this? Because it wasn’t time, they weren’t him. Everything we’ve lived through separately prepared us for each other, and now it’s our time, and forever. And oh my gosh, I’m madly_ ** _in_** _love with him with my whole heart, soul, mind, body._

 _Wow. I mean, I knew that—but this all seems more real all of a sudden, knowing that I want him here with me in this home that I’ve spent so much time creating—that I haven’t let anyone in here before now. I can see how I was preparing for this—and recovering. These walls are me rising from the ashes and claiming my rebirth. I am the_ **_me_ ** _that was meant to find_ **_him_ ** _. And I want Kurt here with me now. I don’t want to miss any more time with him. We know this is forever, so how much longer do we have to wait to begin it…_

“Honey Bee? Blaine...Baby—you’re scaring me!” 

That finally breaks him of his reverie. How long has Kurt been calling him? He drops the spoon in the bowl where he was stirring the cookie dough and grabs Kurt around the waist, taking him by surprise. He presses him into the island with his body as he hugs him tightly. He nuzzles into Kurt’s neck, inhaling deeply, taking in his scent, pressing a kiss to his collarbone, and pressing his fingers firmly into Kurt’s back. 

“Blaine, please…” Kurt’s voice carries a worried tone to it.

“I am so grateful we found each other, Kurt.”

“So am I baby, but what's wrong?” 

“Nothing, I’m sorry, nothing. I just got lost in a daydream about our future—one of those ‘too big, too soon’ feelings that took my breath away. We’ll have everything in time. I just have to keep remembering that.” 

“And my complaining about commuting brought on all that?” he laughs.

Blaine pulls back and looks at Kurt with a raised eyebrow and a look that clearly states that Kurt is missing the obvious here.

“Oh,” Kurt says as awareness dawns on him as well. “Oh—wow, yeah.”

“Yeah,” Blaine agrees as he puts his head back in his favorite spot at Kurt’s neck. 

The cookies can wait a few more minutes. They stand in the kitchen, holding each other with those tremendously big feelings between them.

Blaine finally pulls away, kissing Kurt on the cheek, teasing him by running his stubble across a few times. “Let’s do another one!” He goes back to working on the dough. 

Kurt grabs his phone to get the next one, “What is the craziest thing you’ve ever done?”

Blaine laughs, “Oh my word. I mean what decade are we talking about here? Let’s see...Once in high school, my friends and I bought two gallons of bubble-blowing solution, and we may or may not have dumped it in the central courtyard fountain at Dalton, and then had an epic water fight until we were sure we were about to get caught, at which point we ran.”

“The stories you have of Dalton, Blaine. I’m surprised you guys graduated and didn't end up in Juvie! Rebellious prep school boys.”

“Well, boys will be boys as they say,” Blaine shrugs his shoulders and has a happy, blissed-out look on his face. 

“Okay, so I’ll share one from high school too then. Actually, I can do one better. I'll show you one from High School. My friend Zizes recorded many a Glee Club rehearsal, and we had our own YouTube channel. I think they thought it would help recruit members, but I’m pretty sure it scared them away. Most of the videos are still there. Just give me a second, I haven’t thought about this song in years. But let's just say it involves ten-inch heels.” 

Kurt looks up from his phone when he hears a loud bang and realizes that Blaine has dropped the cookie sheet he was pulling out of the cupboard on the counter; his face is a little pale. Kurt snickers. 

“Come here, baby! Prepare yourself for crazy, fearless, high school Kurt.”

Blaine walks over to Kurt, bent slightly over the counter with his elbows on it, holding the phone in his hands. Blaine slides up to his side and puts his chin on Kurt’s shoulder to rest there while they watch. He has one hand on Kurt’s back, the other on the counter. 

“Ready?” Kurt [hits play](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8fIrFP1-F0c). They are about three seconds into it when he hears Blaine gasp. Kurt is full screen with a giant white wig, shimmering blue costume, ten-inch heels, voice deep, and rich singing “Bad Romance.”

“Damn it, Kurt. Every time I think I might have some idea how talented you are, you blow me away.” They keep watching before Kurt pipes in, “You are witnessing history. That is Mercedes Jones, my best friend I told you about that opened for Beyoncé this year, she has the purple wig. And the one in the horrendous stuffed animal dress is none other than Ms. Rachel Berry of Broadway fame. Something was in the water that year at McKinley, I guess.”

“How did you dance in those shoes, Kurt!? That’s insane, you’re insane, and I love it so much.” He keeps watching, laughing, and teasing Kurt until they get to about one minute thirty-three seconds, “Oh my hell, Kurt. A little flexible, were you?” 

Kurt just can’t help but burst out laughing. “ _Mmhmm_ , maybe even more so now since I’ve been doing yoga in the last few years.” He hip bumps Blaine teasingly. 

Blaine clenches his hand tighter on the back of Kurt’s shirt. _Maybe I better not ask any more questions,_ he thinks.

When it’s over, Blaine is just shaking his head with a grin on his face. “I am starting to wonder if I have any idea what I’ve gotten myself into with you?” 

“I doubt it.” he grins. “Let’s see since we’re doing high school crazy stories, I could show you Kurt star of the football team? Kicking the winning point for the only game they won that year by dancing to “Single Ladies.” Or there is Cheerio Kurt—oh the Cheerios were the cheerleading team at our school, singing Madonna with Mercedes at a pep rally with an entire marching band in accompaniment? Do you want to know what is absolutely tragic in the life of Kurt Hummel, though? We won the National Cheerleading Championships, where I sang a fourteen and a half minute Celine Dion medley entirely in French while dancing and climbing a pyramid of Cheerios and not one copy of it ended up on the internet?”

Blaine’s mouth drops open. “You. Were. A. Cheerleader. Can I go back to the question I asked about twenty times earlier this week? How are you even real?”

Kurt is just having too much fun with this. “Ohhh, look at this one, I forgot about this one. Sometimes it shocks me just how 'out' I was in that small town, literally the only gay kid out of the closet.” He [hits play](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=18rBn4heThI). Kurt is center stage, mussed up hair, red flannel jacket, black jeans, and he starts singing “Born this Way.”

“Oh my gosh, it’s little you. I mean that is you—but you're younger, to state the obvious. You were always as fabulous as you are now and your voice Kurt. Seriously it’s just amazing. Wow, those t-shirts! Your Glee Club was a lot more fun than ours was. I can tell you that right now.” As Blaine is watching it, he’s once again reminded about just how brave Kurt must have been all his life. _To know what was happening to him outside of the Glee Club, and yet he’s so present and bright-eyed and still trying to live his best life in all of these songs, it’s inspiring._

“Okay, you up for one more?” Kurt says as he takes a bite of one of the cookies, they’ve been at this awhile. “Oh, you _are_ right, these are delicious! Last one, this was my audition for NYADA.” Blaine puts the next tray of cookies in the oven and comes over to watch as Kurt [hits play](https://youtu.be/33ZKxx1YSks?t=63). 

“Aww, teen Kurt in a tux. You look so handsome,” Blaine says with a laugh. 

“Oh, just wait for it, honey,” Kurt says, trying to contain his laughter, he can’t believe how ridiculous this audition was, but it’s a classic Kurt Hummel. And then on the screen, Kurt rips away the tux to reveal the tight, gold skinny pants and a black long sleeve shirt with gold metal accents on the lapels.

“Okay, wait—you had a rip away costume change, _and_ you sang “The Boy Next Door” for your audition, Kurt? You are fearless.” But, on the tiny screen of Kurt’s phone, Kurt is now dancing on top of a piano doing crazy things with his hips, and Blaine can only take so much for heaven’s sake. He’d like to think he can keep his dignity intact watching high school Kurt, thank you very much. “Not watching this!” he screeches, his hands fly over his eyes with a gasp and a laugh. “They let you dance like that in high school? Turn it off! Turn it off!” 

Kurt bursts out laughing, too, tears streaming down his face. Blaine still has his eyes covered; it’s priceless. “Okay, fine, fine. But if it makes you feel any better, I still have those pants, and I’m happy to sing that for you live any time you want!” 

Blaine just turns on his heel to start cleaning up their cookie mess, muttering something. Kurt thinks he makes out a few words like _not, survive, still has pants, help_.

“Oh come on now, surely there are some videos of you out there?”

“Yes, well, maybe there are. But since you still refuse to google me, you’ll never know,” he teases. 

“Oh well, now I have a reason to!” 

“Don’t you dare,” he smirks. ”Come on, give me the phone. I'll find a couple for you, but for real, can we skip a decade and start talking about college maybe. I would hate for you to stumble upon the video of me in high school singing “When I Get You Alone” to a college-aged guy in the Gap trying to ask him out that my friends recorded and humiliated me with now wouldn’t I?”

Kurt inhales and chokes because he had already been laughing. “You did not!”

“Oh, I so did. So let’s skip to college or beyond.” He hands Kurt the phone back, “Here, you can see me in a bow tie. I used to wear bow ties every day! This was me singing at the Trevor Live concert a few years ago. Everything I have is pretty tame compared to the fabulousness that is Mr. Kurt Hummel.”

“Oh, stop it,” Kurt stays as he hits play. He watches Blaine at the piano sing his heart out on “[Not Alone](https://youtu.be/q_SGA46QxP4?t=9).” Kurt smiles and takes a deep breath in contentment. “You are so passionate when you sing, bee.” When the song is over, he hits the back button on the browser and realizes what page he’s on. 

Kurt’s eyebrows raise in a curve, his eyes widen, he goes a little pale. “You let me go on and on about my ridiculous high school stuff when you have your own YouTube channel with how many subscribers? Geez, Blaine!”

“Kurt! I wasn’t trying to show you that. I was going to find the next video for you when you were done, what did you do? Hit the back button when I wasn’t looking?” He tries to say it with humor in his voice, but Kurt doesn’t seem to think this situation is funny at all. 

“And for the record, I loved every single minute of everything you showed me. I loved getting to know young, brave you, and seeing how it helped you be who you are today. I will say it a million times more, Kurt, you are so talented. You inspire me.”

Kurt starts walking into the front room; he has no idea how he feels. He knows he’s being rude, so he says, “I just need a minute” over his shoulder back to Blaine.  
  
_Why shouldn’t Blaine get to show off his talents too? I was deliberately teasing him all afternoon, showing him videos I knew he would think were hilarious and just the right amount of sass until he had hit his limit. It was amusing, and they had so much fun doing it._

_One song from Blaine and a YouTube page, and I am throwing a tantrum? Am I so petty and immature that I’m jealous? No, no, that isn’t it. There is no jealousy at all. Blaine has worked hard at his career, and he’s got a ten-year head start for heaven’s sake, and I love him. So what is the problem here? What is wrong with me? We can both be amazing. We should both be able to show off. So why am I feeling small again? I hate this feeling, and I know Blaine would be mortified if he knew._

_It’s because I don’t really know the extent of who he is, do I? We’re playing it safe in this bubble we’ve been living in the last week. I’m scared to find out just how famous he is, and he’s worried for me to know because he thinks it’s going to change how I look at him and how I treat him. But that isn’t going to work. We need to lay it out on the table._

_Because—I’m going to have to share him with the world, aren’t I? And of course, there it is._

_There will always be a part of Blaine that belongs to the world. But isn’t that what a career is? The love of our life will go off to a job somewhere and spend more than a third of their day away from us. It’s just that, with Blaine, people will be possessive of him, think they know him. That is where all the privacy stuff is going to tie into this, isn’t it? It’s not just the privacy issue. It’s being okay with sharing him._

_How does one find the courage to share someone they love with all their heart with the world? Surely it’s okay if it’s not an easy task? Blaine will help me learn, right? And Blaine has never given me a reason to believe that fame is important to him. In fact, on several occasions, Blaine has talked about all the “extraness” of it. And so here we are full circle._

**_I’m scared of Blaine’s fame taking him away from me, and he’s scared his fame will take me away from him._ **

“Never,” Kurt says out loud. 

He has no idea what comes over him, but he walks swiftly back into the kitchen where Blaine is standing, leaning against the island with his hands over his face wondering what the hell he did wrong—again. Kurt makes a mental note in the back of his mind that he has to stop doing this to Blaine. Sometimes he just has to walk away to process his thoughts, but that isn’t fair to leave Blaine wondering what, if anything, he did wrong. He’ll talk to him about it later, right now something fierce has taken possession of his body, and _it’s_ in charge.

He walks directly into Blaine, pressing their bodies chest to chest securely against each other. Putting his hands on Blaine’s waist, he starts walking them forward until they are pressed against the glass of one of the picturesque floor to ceiling windows in the kitchen. He pushes the side of his jaw and cheek into Blaine’s, who presses back. Rough textures and smooth skin create spine-tingling friction. 

Kurt slowly moves his hands up Blaine’s ribs, pressing as firmly as he dares, trying to convey his love and his want without words. When he gets to Blaine’s chest, he slowly moves his fingers over to the first button on his shirt and unbuttons it, then the second one. Their breath becomes fast and heavy between them. He brings his head back, looking into Blaine’s eyes to see if there is any hint of not wanting this—he finds none. 

So he slowly pulls the left side of Blaine’s shirt over to reveal his beautiful skin below the collarbone. Looking one more time into Blaine’s eyes, he sees nothing but the same love and desire staring back at him. He lowers his head and brushes his lips over the exposed skin, his breath ghosting across it making Blaine shiver before biting down and sucking _hard_.

Blaine gasps and moans as he grabs tighter at Kurt’s waist. Kurt moves his tongue over the mark several times, trying to soothe it, but then he sucks and bites at it again in the same spot, over and over, until he feels sated. It’s not nearly enough, but this is all they can do until Monday. He gradually moves his lips over to Blaine’s ear, and whispers in a firm, loving voice, “I—am— _yours_.” 

Blaine inhales sharply, grabs him tighter, trying to pull him impossibly closer. 

He grabs Blaine’s hands from around his waist and brings them up to the collar on his own shirt. Blaine’s hands are shaking, but he slowly and deliberately undoes the two top buttons on Kurt’s shirt and pulls it to the side. He brings his hand up the back of Kurt’s neck into his hairline, pressing his fingertips into his scalp, laving his tongue on the skin under his collarbone that is about to become his canvas. He bites down just as hard as Kurt had and starts sucking. Continuously rubbing his tongue over it to lessen the sting. It takes all his will power to not paint a mural on Kurt’s skin. He finally pulls away and slowly drags his cheek against Kurt’s until his lips are over Kurt’s ear now. “I—am— _yours_ ,” he says, voice rough and choked up with emotion.

The only witness to their offering of themselves freely to one another is the moon rising amongst the last tiny remnants of a dazzling sunset glowing a wild purple, pink and yellow far on the horizon behind them. 

\----~---------------------~---

A curly-haired man spent the rest of the night (until 11 PM sharp) holding the love of his life in his arms with an iPad between them. Facing their fears head-on. He showed Kurt his Google search results, his Instagram, Twitter, and Facebook pages. He showed him all of his music on iTunes. They watched YouTube videos, too. He showed him his company website and he showed him the list of artists they produce for. 

It was all there out in the open, including his very public breakup with Connor. That upset Kurt tremendously. It tore his heart out to see Blaine’s life thrown in the public eye like that to be consumed as news. It was sickening. Blaine couldn’t agree more, but what could he do? Kurt had a better understanding of Blaine’s anger around the loss of his privacy, the potential loss of his own. They talked about Blaine’s therapy and recovery. 

They talked about how Kurt was feeling small and insignificant, but that he _would_ overcome it. He was worthy of his dreams, too, and still had so much time to make them come true. Kurt appreciated that Blaine didn't just dismiss his feelings. Blaine was an incredible man and had done extraordinary things, Kurt just needed a little time to adjust, _and he would_. Blaine appreciated how Kurt assured him again that he would still be his Blaine Blaine and always would be. 

Kurt shared his epiphany from earlier about why they were both scared, so they wrote it in their journal. They would work on it together. Because one thing was for sure, they didn’t plan on losing each other to _anything_ , especially not the “extraness” of all the things that don’t matter at all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Word Count: 6600+
> 
>  **Warnings for this Chapter:** Marking
> 
> Author's Notes:
> 
> Official Neiman Marcus [Cookies](https://www.neimanmarcus.com/c/nm-nm-cookie-recipe-cat62250745?navid=redirect:cookie)  
> The Cookie Urban [Legend](https://www.liveabout.com/neiman-marcus-cookie-recipe-3299305)[  
>  ](https://www.liveabout.com/neiman-marcus-cookie-recipe-3299305)
> 
> Oh! And if you don't know what a Charcuterie board is [here are some pics](https://www.google.com/search?q=charcuterie&safe=active&sxsrf=ALeKk018ql_pVlGC7SyNRBIzs1w4059jGQ:1602947605937&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiHvJSV9bvsAhUmzlkKHfN7Ct0Q_AUoAXoECCIQAw&biw=1757&bih=818) for you.
> 
> Once again, these questions were chosen totally at random, and I let the character drive the answers and the story from there. It’s a crazy way to write, but I love it.  
> \------  
> You can find artwork (and aesthetics aka "mood boards") and other related posts to this chapter on my Tumblr page [GleefulPoppet](https://gleefulpoppet.tumblr.com/), I'll be adding things over the next month. And I try to add the artwork to the chapter each night as well.
> 
> [Click Here to See Larger on Tumblr](https://gleefulpoppet.tumblr.com/image/632276770788425728)
> 
> [](https://gleefulpoppet.tumblr.com/post/632276770788425728/chapter-13-someone-to-know-you-too-well-posted)  
>   
> 


	14. Sunday: Someone to Need You Too Much

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Word Count:12k+ [Warnings can be found in the notes if you need them]

**B: Good morning, love!**  
K: Morning, Honey Bee  
**B: Are you feeling ready for today?  
**K: Yeah—A little stressed about the last-minute alterations for the models but yeah…  
**B: You’re going to be brilliant  
**K: TY honey  
**B: You still okay to get some breakfast and coffee when you drop off your bag?  
**K: Yeah, planning on being there at 10:00  
**B You want me to call a car for you, so you don’t have to worry about that?  
**K: Please, thanks. I need to get ready  
**B: OK, I’ll have them pick you up at 9:25, alright?  
**K: Perfect. Do I need to pack anything in particular for our midnight date? ;)  
**B: I’ll take care of everything, honey, just bring some clothes and pajamas-don’t stress, ok?  
**K: Thanks, bee. ITILYBB. I better get moving  
**B: ITILYKH. See you in a bit**

Kurt’s hand automatically goes up to his shoulder as he rubs his fingers over the tender skin where Blaine left a mark last night. He closes his eyes and goes deep within, searching his feelings. _Am I ready for tonight? I know Blaine will be patient with me. Kissing him is going to be enough. He wouldn’t care. But I want so much more, so much more. And honestly? It isn’t even about the sex, the actual act, like I sort of thought it always would be my first time. It’s about needing to feel like we’re one. I am so in love with him. I have this overwhelming need to be as close to him as humanly possible, and I still don’t think it’s going to be enough. How can you want to crawl inside someone’s skin so completely? To reach in and somehow press your hearts together and let them touch. Will it always be like this for us? I just need to follow my instincts and my heart tonight, and everything will be perfect. How I’m supposed to concentrate on my show knowing I get to kiss him at midnight, though, is an entirely different matter._

Which brings Kurt back to the present—and his show. He snaps back to the tasks at hand. He finishes packing his bag for Blaine’s house, gathers up everything he thinks he could possibly need for his show, and goes to get ready for the day. It’s a testament to how stressed out he is about the alterations, the models, the lighting, and the two hundred other things that could go wrong at Parsons today that he doesn’t even think about Blaine in the shower.

\------------------------------

At 10 AM exactly, he finds himself wrapped in the arms of an overly affectionate Blaine Anderson. Blaine seems to have taken it upon himself to do everything he can to calm Kurt’s nerves, comfort him, and take care of him. He’s made him breakfast, has hot coffee waiting for him just like he promised, and he packed him a cooler bag filled with healthy snacks and a few bottles of flavored water as a surprise. 

“I didn’t want you to forget to eat or not have time to get yourself something,” Blaine says nervously, not sure why he suddenly feels a little embarrassed. _He’s not going to think I’m treating him like a child, right? I was genuinely worried he would make himself sick from stress and not eating today._

“Blaine, honey, look at me,” Kurt says, trying to convey all his love and gratefulness through his eyes. “This is amazing. You’re right. I would have forgotten to eat. Thank you so much.”

After they finish eating, Kurt walks over to Blaine, wraps his arms around his waist, and presses him lightly into the counter. They hug for a long time. Kurt needs something to center him. Eventually, the memories of last night flood his mind, but with the stress of school, it’s just a light buzz of happiness and doesn’t incite full-on arousal like it usually would. 

He laughs quietly to himself before he reaches up to Blaine’s ear and whispers, “I’ll show you mine if you show me yours?” His fingers pressing into Blaine, where he knows he left his mark last night. He pulls back to start unbuttoning his own shirt, and Blaine, the poor man, who is not stressed out about a senior fashion show at Parsons, looks like he’s going to eat Kurt alive. He starts unbuttoning his shirt too. 

“On the count of three, then?” Kurt says with a playful, sultry grin. “One, two—three!”

They reveal their marks to each other, and Blaine groans, or was that a growl? Maybe it was a moan? Kurt isn’t sure, but whatever it was, he concurs. Seeing the mark he made on Blaine’s skin is exhilarating. They each reach over to the other to lightly touch the marks they had left. 

“Well damn, Blaine! I’d say I’m sorry, but I’m not. You know, for someone who’s never really been into that sort of thing, I’m pretty proud of myself. Although in all fairness,” he points to the mark Blaine left on him, “this is a pretty spectacular work of art too. And when I find myself missing you today, I can reach up and press my fingers here and remember what it felt like to have your teeth on my skin.” Kurt is being savage, and he knows it, but he’s never felt so wanted or loved, and it feels good to be able to tease and work Blaine up.

“Geez, Kurt. Can you please remember I don’t have a fashion show to occupy my thoughts all day? This is going to be the longest fourteen hours of my life.”

“Aww, poor baby,” Kurt says as he starts buttoning his shirt back up. “I’ll just have to make it up to you tonight.” He presses harder into Blaine and starts buttoning Blaine’s shirt for him.

“Not helping, Kurt. Really not helping,” Blaine laughs.  
  
“I know,” Kurt smirks. “Alright! My darling Honey Bee, I think I better go. I’m fifty shades of stressed out, and the best thing for me to do is get started on this project. The sooner I get there, the sooner I’ll be done, and the sooner we’ll see each other tonight.”

“Tonight,” Blaine agrees, trying to get his mind back into focus. “Just text me when you’re done, and we’ll meet at the diner. We can’t come back here until midnight, or it will ruin your surprise.”

“Yes, I’m so intrigued by it! Plus, I’m so excited to take you to my favorite diner. I can’t believe you’ve never been there before. You’re sure it’s okay?”

“Yeah, I think so. We won’t be arriving together, so there is no reason for anyone to notice. It’s not like people always follow me, and I go out to dinner with clients often. I’m extra cautious while this is all new. The point is we’ll be fine there. Don’t worry.”

“Okay, here I go. Wish me luck, honey!”

“Good luck, Sunshine. If you need anything, I’m serious—anything at all, please text me? I will find a way to get it to you, okay?” Blaine wraps his arms tightly around Kurt, trying to radiate love and comfort from his heart so Kurt’s body can soak it up and take it with him.

\------------------------------

 _2:16 PM  
_ **B: I know you’re probably too busy to see this, but I’m thinking about you. Hope it’s going well**

 _3:05 PM  
_ **B: You’ve got this!**

 _4:14 PM  
_ **B: Don’t forget to eat something. Send a few pics if you can, or take some to show me later**

 _5:15 PM  
_ **B: Hugs! Sending you a boost of energy!**

 _6:08 PM  
_ **B: So proud of you**

 _6:13_ _  
_ K: Honey, Bee! So happy to see your messages. We’ve been going non-stop. Pics tonight.  
**B: xoxo It’s going okay?  
**K: Ran into some issues, but I’ll get there. One of my dresses needs a major alteration  
**B: I’m sure it will be brilliant when you’re done. Don’t get discouraged  
**K: TY baby, gotta go, but I did eat some of the snacks--you saved the day  
**B: I’m glad. If you need anything, I’m here, okay?  
**K: xoxo

 _7:30_ _  
_**B: You’re amazing, talented, and worthy of your dreams!  
**  
_8:07_  
K: Aww, ty! We’re running late. I’ll keep you posted, at least another 30 min  
**B: No worries, do your thing! xo**

 _8:40_  
K: We’re calling it a night. Meet you there in 15?

 **B: On my way, love. Can’t wait to see you.** **  
** K: After the day I’ve had, I can’t wait to see you either. Someone rational and calm lol  
  
_8:50  
_K: Grrr! got caught up last minute, but I really am leaving now. Be a few mins late  
**B: Don’t worry, sweetheart. I’ll get our name on the list for a table**

\------------------------------

When Blaine sees Kurt through the window, his heart flutters. He can’t believe that he gets to love this amazing man. He’ll never be over it. When Kurt walks in, he heads straight over to Blaine and gives him a quick, formal-looking hug that two friends might share. A “happy to see you again” hug. But immediately, his body is not happy with that at all. That tethering soulbond rears up its voice loudly. It wants to be held by Blaine, and now. _Easy there, sheesh, we’re in the middle of Manhattan that isn’t happening._ And then his body decides it’s going to join the party of betrayal. The unrelenting want he has for Blaine hits him full force, thrumming loudly under his skin. Knowing he gets to kiss him at midnight has unleashed all kinds of wicked thoughts that hit him hard. _Oh, my hell! What was I thinking? I should have snuck into the private restroom at school and taken care of this before I came here. I was just so stressed out about the show and then running late, and oh, this is going to be bad, so very bad. I am not going to survive the next few hours like this. Oh, wait, is Blaine talking?_

“Kurt? They have a table, are you ready?”

“Sorry, yes, of course, thanks!” He discreetly pulls his bag in front of his body and starts following the hostess. 

As they are seated opposite each other, Kurt tells the hostess they don’t need menus. Blaine looks at him questioningly. “I picked this place for a reason,” he says with a mischievous look on his face, “You’ll just have to wait and see.” Luckily for Blaine, he didn't have to wait very long. When the waitress comes over to get their drink orders, Kurt tells her, “We’ll have two of your famous waffle breakfasts, please.” Kurt can hear Blaine take a short inhale of breath, and he feels Blaine’s ankles press against his in loving affirmation that he realizes what Kurt has done. After a few more pleasantries with the waitress, they are finally alone. 

Blaine looks up at Kurt with his puppy dog face, eyes beaming through those impossibly long lashes with the sweetest, most sincere smile on his face. “So, Sunday night waffles, huh?” 

“Sunday, night waffles,” Kurt agrees and smiles so wide his dimples show.

The way Blaine stares at Kurt, he seems to be radiating happiness from the inside out. It melts Kurt’s heart, but it’s doing nothing to help his current “situation,” he can’t get himself under control. 

“So tell me everything. I want to hear every single detail about the show, Kurt!” 

Kurt is thankful to have something to try and keep his mind off how much he wants Blaine. So, he launches into all the details. How the lights were all wrong, but they got the crew to adjust them quickly. Then there was a story about how one of the models got a heel stuck in one of the dresses one of his classmates designed, and she was beside herself. Kurt helped her fix the rip in the dress, but it had her on edge the rest of the day, putting everyone on edge. Some of the models were super snarky; he wasn’t thrilled about that. But he was so happy with how most of his designs looked going down the catwalk. He still had a few adjustments on the one dress, but overall, he felt confident about it. 

Blaine, ever the attentive sweetheart that he is, gasped, nodded, and laughed in all the right places, asking plenty of questions. When Kurt handed his phone over so he could see some of the pictures, he had a look of awe on his face. He truly was just so impressed with Kurt. 

“I can’t wait for Wednesday to see it all for myself.”   
  
“Thank you again, Blaine, for coming. You have no idea what that means to me.” 

Somewhere in the middle of Kurt’s retelling of his day, their food had come, and they both dove in. It looked so delicious, and they were so hungry. 

“So, what did you do today?” Kurt asks.

“Oh, uh-huh, I’m not telling you. It’s a surprise, remember?”

“You mean you’ve been working on it all day?”

“Well, not all day. I did research phoenixes and played the piano for quite a while.”

“You have me so intrigued, you know.”

Blaine just smiles at him under those damn eyelashes again and nods that yeah, he does know. 

So far, it hasn’t mattered how much he talks or how good the waffles are. His body and his heart are acting like screaming toddlers being denied the one thing they want most in all the world. Maybe he can try a diversion.

“Well, my good sir, shall we answer the next question on our list since we’ve got some time to fill before midnight?”

“I’d love that, Sunshine. And by the way, these waffles are delicious. Thank you for bringing me here!”

Kurt opens the list on his phone and looks at it. He laughs. That figures. 

“Okay, here we go, bee, just remember I got this list off the internet. I take zero responsibility for it! If you could go on a trip anywhere in the world with anyone, where would you go and who would you take?”

“Well, there is only one right answer to that last part, right?” Blaine asks with a goofy grin.  
  
“Good boy,” Kurt says teasingly.

“Oh gosh, this is a hard one. Why don’t you answer it first this time? I always go first!”

“So, not fair! You’re just trying to gauge your gut reaction answer before sharing to see if you need to tone it down or kick it up a notch. No, no, you have to answer first, like always. If you want me to answer first, you have to call it before I read the question. These are the rules, and I have spoken,” he bursts out laughing, and so does Blaine. 

“Oh, I see how it is with you, Mr. Hummel. A bit bossy much?”

“You have no idea, Mr. Anderson.” 

Blaine’s eyes widen, and he can feel the blush rise from his chest up the back of his neck up to his cheeks.

And Kurt, well Kurt shouldn’t have gone there because now he’s just so much worse off than he has been all night. Blaine just does things to him. 

They both seem to clear their throats and look around the restaurant. They really can’t be in public. They are just too ridiculous for their own good. 

“Fine. I don’t even have to think about this. I would want to take you to a private, couples-only cabana beach resort in St. Lucia where we could have our own bungalow with a glass floor where you can see the ocean below and—” 

Kurt has dropped his fork on the table without realizing it. His mouth is slightly open. His heart rate has picked up, still listening to Blaine, but not really listening anymore. Blaine just went straight to the heart of it, didn’t he? Kurt can’t even imagine something more intimate than that, and his head is running wild with images of Blaine and him on the beach and swimming and private cabana, and _Oh, please make it stop_. 

“—They even have private chefs so you can order gourmet meals. And I’m pretty sure you can go snorkeling on one of the reefs. I’ve never been, but I stumbled upon the place a few months ago, and I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it. I don’t know why. I mean, I wasn’t even dating anyone, not even thinking about dating anyone. But then you came along and well—I may have had a few dreams this week of us there together.” Blaine has a look like he’s lost in those dreams for a minute, the smile on his face, the small blush on his neck and ears speaking volumes about what is going on in Blaine’s mind.

Kurt closes his eyes. He is actively trying to get himself under control, but it’s too late, and Blaine saying he’s dreamed of them together somewhere like that? It sends a rush down his spine, through his stomach, down through his… 

He opens his eyes and looks directly at Blaine.

“Honey, I think we may have to call this date a bit early tonight,” Kurt says.

“Why, what’s wrong, love? You okay?”

Kurt blushes profusely, turning a lovely shade of ruby red.

“You know how before our dates how I usually take care of certain things so I can be a perfect gentleman while we are out? Well, I didn’t this morning. And I, well I, couldn’t tonight because I was running late and had to come straight from school and I—What I’m trying to say here is that I am in a lot of pain, honey. I’ve been hard since the moment I saw you. The whole time we’ve been sitting here, and I mean the whole time. I’ve been trying to will it away, but you're too gorgeous and wonderful for your own good. So, if it won’t ruin the plans you had, can we call this date early and go now instead—please, Blaine?” he squirms in the seat and takes a deep breath.

“We can still start your date at midnight, but I need somewhere I can take care of this privately. It’s _embarrassing_ but true, and I’m in too much pain right now to care about being embarrassed. There is no way I’ll make it much longer—it hurts, I'm not even sure I know how I’m going to walk out of here.”

“Oh my hell, Kurt, are you trying to kill me?” Blaine says, his heart picking up twice the speed. His body seems very interested too. 

“That’s what I’ve been saying about you silently for an hour and a half!” Kurt says, voice slightly raised and exasperated, throwing his napkin down on the table.

“Okay, baby, look. How about I leave first and give you a few minutes to think about anything else. I’ll wait for you out in front of the building, and I’ll call us a cab in ten minutes, okay? We’ll head home?”

Kurt doesn’t miss the way Blaine said “home” as if they both lived there, and that isn’t helping the situation. “Thank you. I’ll take care of the bill. See you outside. You’re my favorite human, but go away, please!” Kurt says in a sing-song voice that is half kidding, half incredibly serious.

“I’m going!” Blaine says, hands up in surrender with the biggest grin. 

Kurt laughs, and as he watches Blaine walk away, he discreetly tries to palm himself a few times under the table to take some of the pressure off, damn it hurts. He hasn’t had this happen to him in a long time—maybe not since high school. Then he immediately goes to all of his “go-to” cooling off thoughts. He’s got to get himself presentable for standing up from this table.

Precisely ten minutes later, Kurt exits the building with a slight grimace on his face right as the taxi pulls up. Blaine opens the door for him, but once he sees the state Kurt’s still in, he decides to get in first and be the one to slide all the way over. Kurt gingerly gets in after him. Blaine gives the address to the taxi driver, takes Kurt’s hand in his but doesn’t say another word until they are almost to his building.

“Thank you for the lovely date, Kurt. I always love spending time with you. And Sunday night waffles—just, thank you, baby,” he squeezes Kurt’s hand softly.

Kurt is looking out the window. He hasn’t looked at Blaine since he got in the cab. “You’re welcome, sweetheart. Sorry we had to cut it short, but thank you for understanding. Also, there’s no teasing allowed about this for at least a full day.”

“ _Mmhm_ , I’ll try my best,” he says with a small laugh right after.

Once they pull up to the building, Kurt gets out, wishing more than anything he could take Blaine’s hand in his as they walk into the building. The space between them is starting to bother him when they are out in public, even though he knows he’s the one who asked for it. They exchange pleasantries with the doorman and receptionist.

As the door closes on the elevator, Kurt startles when Blaine breaks the silence, “No matter when the tenth date starts, our ninth date is over, right?”

_Oh._

**_Oh._ **

Kurt’s knee’s buckle—he squeezes Blaine’s hand hard. They turn towards each other, looking into the other’s eyes, and then stare at each other’s lips, realization dawning on them. It’s time. They each bring a hand up to cup the other’s face on opposite sides in a moment of synchronicity, brushing a thumb over the other’s cheekbone. They tilt their heads to the perfect angle, slowly moving towards each other. They lightly brush their lips against each other. At relatively the same moment, they whisper the word “ _finally_ ” into each other’s mouths. 

Warm lips press firmly together for the first time with such love and tenderness—and just the right amount of heat, that it’s the kind of kiss fairytales, storybooks, and Tumblr gifs are made of. Their hearts are beating wildly, and they can feel the energy flowing between them through their fingertips on each other’s cheeks. The warmth of their love radiates off of them and fills the entire space. It’s timeless and beautiful and perfect in every way.

All too soon, the elevator doors open. Blaine whispers over Kurt’s lips, “I love you with all my heart, Kurt Hummel.” 

It takes Kurt’s breath away. “I love you with all that I am, Blaine Anderson.”

They tenderly kiss one more time, step off the elevator, and head towards Blaine’s apartment hand in hand, their bodies touching wherever they can. It’s all Blaine can do to get his key in the door; he’s shaking so hard. Once they enter the apartment, Kurt shuts the door behind them. But within half of a second and before they can even get a light turned on, Blaine has him pinned up against the door with a breathy, “Kurrrrt,” into his ear.

That sweet kiss in the elevator will stay forever in their memories, but this, this right now, is pure want. Their lips crash together. Blaine’s got two handfuls of Kurt’s shirt, twisting it into his fists, and Kurt’s hands are in Blaine's back pockets, gripping his ass and pulling Blaine into his body. After just a few minutes, though, it’s more than Kurt can handle. He was already in a world of hurt, so after their hips and legs grind together particularly hard, Kurt lets out a painful whimper. 

“Gah! Blaine. I’m sorry, but I need to—let me go take care of this, honey, or I’m going to come right here, and it hurts so bad I don’t know if I care.”

“Kuuuurt! Oh, dammit, baby! Just keep going if you want to, honey, we can shower. Holy hell, it's turning me on so much,” Blaine says as he leaves heated kisses all over Kurt’s neck, cheeks, and lips.

“I want to so—so bad,” he ruts harder against Blaine, their erections line up just right, and within a few minutes, Kurt is moaning Blaine’s name over and over again. His head falls back against the door behind him. Blaine kisses the exposed skin of his neck down below his collarbone as he listens to Kurt come and feels his body go warm against him.

Kurt doesn’t slow down at all, but Blaine shifts to rub his erection against Kurt’s leg, hoping to give Kurt’s over-sensitive cock a reprieve. Kurt’s having none of it. 

“No, baby! I’ll stay hard for a while, and it hurts so good now. Please keep going, don’t stop.”

Blaine moans, grinding his hips harder. In his mind, he can’t believe this is happening to him. He shouldn’t be able to come like this. When it started, he just wanted to help Kurt get off. It usually takes so much more for him to do the same, but his body sure seems to think it can right now, and he wants it so bad he’s not going to argue.

They both feel wild and feral. All of that buzzing want building up between them has finally taken over. Their kisses are deep and searching. Grinding, moaning, nipping at any exposed skin they can find. It's a frenzy of desire rooted in love and respect. Kurt finally gets Blaine’s shirt untucked, slides his hands under, and pulls his fingers hard up and down his back. Kurt touching his bare skin like that for the first time, sends Blaine right over the edge. As he comes, he grabs the back of Kurt’s neck, pushing their foreheads together, and he keeps repeating, “Oh, Kurt,” over and over as he grinds his hips through his orgasm, which seems to last forever. Feeling Blaine come undone like that, because of _him_ , sends Kurt into a second moment of ecstasy. As he comes again, he grips Blaine’s back, digging his fingers into that glorious warm skin he’s finally allowed to touch, and whispers, “I love you so much,” into Blaine’s ear.

They hold each other, panting, trying to catch their breath, each rubbing fingers gently over the other in soothing motions, kissing sweetly on lips, ears, cheeks, necks. 

“I cannot believe we just did that,” Kurt finally says with a breathless laugh.

“I think that is the hottest thing that has ever happened to me, Kurt. Oh my gosh. To know you had been so hard all night and then to realize we could do something about it; I had no idea I could come like that still.” He laughs but then adds, “And I love you so much, too. To hear you say that while you were coming, Kurt… just—,” and he’s truly at a loss for words.

“I do love you, Blaine.” 

They hold each other a while longer, wrapped up in their overwhelming feelings.

“Shall we go explore the idea of a shower now, honey? Because we need it,” Kurt asks as he kisses behind Blaine’s ear.

“Of course, do you want to use the guest room and bathroom? I had already put your bag in there earlier. That way, we can both have a little privacy to clean ourselves up, rinse out our clothes, and whatever else we may need to do to get ready?” Blaine’s trying to be discreet and delicate about the situation. “I’d like a few minutes to gather my thoughts and get ready for our date?”

“Of course, honey! I’m not sure I could handle showering together for the first time right now. I’m a bit overwhelmed, too. I think a few moments to clean up privately sounds perfect. Thank you.”

Blaine looks at his watch. “Okay, let’s meet back here in the front room at midnight for our date, then? That gives us thirty-five minutes? And no going in the living room, or even peeking, Sunshine. You’ll ruin the surprise! Oh, and pajamas now are fine, okay?”

“Perfect.” 

They walk down the hall together, and Blaine kisses Kurt sweetly when he leaves him at the guest bedroom door. He then goes off to the master bedroom to get ready, lost in his thoughts.

When he planned this date, it hadn’t even crossed his mind that they would have been this far in their physical relationship. He wanted everything to be perfect for Kurt. He loved him so much, and if this night led to something more, he wanted Kurt to feel cherished. But the reality is, this way is better, of course, it is. This removes any dancing around their first sexual experience together—it was spontaneous and perfect.

The universe has had their back this whole time. Why would this be any different? Everything turned out better than he planned, so no matter what happens tonight, it’s already been more than he could have dreamed. That kiss in the elevator—swoon. Saying, “I love you”—heart-melting. And then to have one of the hottest experiences of his life? Yeah, the universe and that deeper part of himself has got this. He really should learn to stop overthinking so much. 

He takes extra care in cleaning himself and showering. It helps him relax and feel ready for whatever happens tonight. He dresses in black cotton pajama pants with a dark gray V-neck T-shirt (he knows they drive Kurt crazy in the best way).

He meets Kurt exactly thirty-five minutes later. Kurt is wearing a similar outfit, navy and white pinstripe cotton drawstring pants, and a navy, loose neck shirt that is lying crooked on his shoulders, the mark Blaine left there last night peeking out. 

All Blaine wants to do is mark the rest of his exposed skin. He’ll settle for a few kisses for now. “You look so hot, baby,” he says in between kisses on Kurt’s shoulder.

“ _Mmmhm_ , so do you,” Kurt says as he brushes his fingers around the V-neck on Blaine’s shirt. He pulls it to the side just slightly to see his mark left on his skin. “But I do recall being promised a surprise? So maybe we can pick this up in a minute,” Kurt says as he bites playfully at Blaine’s earlobe.

“Yes, yes, let’s go! I’ve been planning this date around Milestone Conversation No. 3 since our first date at the library.”

He takes Kurt by the hand and leads him into the living room. When they arrive, Kurt inhales in shock and covers his mouth in surprise at the sight in front of him. “Blaine, oh my gosh. Blaine, wow!” he says in awe.

He just stands there as he takes in the elaborate fort. It’s made with the back of the couch, a small tent frame, and a few chairs with dozens of different blankets and sheets draped over them, with twinkle lights strung everywhere. Through the opening of the fort, he can see a mattress with a dozen different kinds of pillows and a beautiful bedspread, more twinkle lights, a small tv screen, a little area set up with all of their favorite snacks, and a speaker dock for music.

To say he’s overwhelmed doesn’t even begin to describe the depth of his feelings. At the library on their first date, he had briefly mentioned that he loved to make forts in the living room as a kid and climb in there with a book away from the rest of the world. But he didn’t think anything else of it. That Blaine would remember that and plan all of this for him? He’s lost to the all-consuming love he has for this man. He can’t believe he gets to love him and be loved by him. 

He turns and hugs Blaine hard. He hopes it conveys all his love and the gratitude he doesn’t know how to put into words yet. “I love you, Blaine. Thank you.”

“I love you, too, Sunshine. Do you want to see inside now?” Kurt nods yes, so Blaine leads him by the hand. They have to duck slightly to get inside, and then they go to their knees to kneel on the bed since there isn't room to walk around. Kurt is in awe of all the details. On the other side of the bed, where he couldn’t see earlier, is a basket with a lid. With a little smirk, Kurt wonders if what he thinks is in there is in there. There is also a stack of a few hand towels and a few flat sheets folded up in a small pile. Blaine can see Kurt eyeing that corner of the fort and blushes.

“Baby, I prepared for everything, but I don’t expect anything. You understand that, right? This is all at your pace. Hey, will you look at me, honey?” Kurt turns to look at him. “I’m serious, Kurt. We can watch movies and have snacks and make out, or we can even go right to bed if you are exhausted from your day. We’ll have our conversation and date in the morning, okay? You know that, right? I have zero expectations except to be close to you.”

“I do know that, honey. I feel so safe and loved right now. Anything that happens will be beautiful. We'll just see where it goes, but I feel safe.” 

Blaine nods, leans his head over to Kurt’s forehead, wrapping his hand around the back of Kurt’s neck. They stay that way for a few minutes, feeling the soulbond between them tighten its hold, their souls still melding together as they have been all week. But tonight, their bodies finally get the chance to form the bond they have so desperately been wanting since the moment they touched on 5th Avenue. 

Blaine leans in to kiss Kurt. His lips are gentle and sweet, his eyes close instantly, his chest rising and falling as he breathes through his nose. Kurt answers the kiss a little more firmly, filled with love but wanting more. His hand rises to Blaine’s face moving his chin slightly so that they can get a better angle. They allow themselves a few minutes of exploration before Kurt can’t take it anymore. He starts to lean back on the bed into the pillows, relieved not to be sitting on his knees anymore, pulling Blaine down with him. 

Feeling Blaine’s weight on top of him spurs him on to take this further. He gently swipes his tongue over Blaine’s lips seeking entrance to his mouth, which Blaine quickly grants. Somewhere in the back of his mind, he thinks about how this feels like a first kiss all over again. What they did against the door was hot and heavy and incredible, but now they can take their time. They can do this all night if they want, and oh, he wants. 

They take turns exploring each other’s mouth with their tongues, making a map to memorize, noting every reaction in each other’s bodies. Kurt has hands roaming all over Blaine’s back under his shirt; all the hot skin is his new favorite thing ever. Blaine has one hand by Kurt’s head, his elbow resting on the mattress to help hold him up, his fingers carding through Kurt’s glorious hair. His other hand is under Kurt’s t-shirt over Kurt’s heart, where he feels like it belongs. The thrumming rhythm of Kurt’s heart is his lifeline. To feel it now mixed with the heat of Kurt’s skin has his body on fire. 

Time is lost to them. It has no meaning. The only thing that matters is the bond between them and how it calls to them from within. Blaine eventually straddles Kurt’s hips, and though he can barely endure doing so, he breaks away from the kiss sitting up now on Kurt’s lap. His lips are swollen and red, and his eyes are so dark Kurt barely recognizes them. Blaine is thinking the same about Kurt. 

He slowly takes the hem of Kurt’s shirt and starts to lift it just a few inches. “Is this okay?” he asks before he goes any further. Kurt nods and lifts up slightly so Blaine can get his shirt off. He looks down at Kurt’s unbelievably beautiful chest and arms. He rubs his hands over every inch of exposed skin, taking it all in. The mark he left last night is a stark contrast to Kurt’s fair skin. His stomach muscles are firm; his ribs show slightly through. Blaine can’t help but touch each one with his fingertips and say a silent thank you; his ribs are the cage that keeps Kurt’s heart safe when he’s away from him. 

He moans as he feels Kurt’s fingers digging into his thighs as he explores Kurt’s body. “I love you, Kurt.” He says as he leans over, putting one hand by Kurt’s head, his full arm locked to keep him steady, still straddling Kurt’s hips. He uses his other hand to start at Kurt’s hairline with his pointer finger he presses and drags slowly. He slides his finger down between Kurt’s brows, then down his perfect nose and over his swollen lips. He touches his chin, his throat, and his Adam's apple. Next, he glides across his collar bone, down to the middle of his chest, dragging down until he reaches the top of Kurt’s pajama bottoms, where he skims his finger back and forth a few times. Kurt is trying to stay still, but he is breathing heavy. Blaine can feel him shiver underneath him. He sees the tingling goosebumps break out all over his skin.

He pulls his fingers back up much the same way he came down, except this time he goes quicker. When he gets to Kurt’s hairline again, he leans down and kisses it.

“I love the way your mind works. Getting a tiny glimpse of how it works through your sketchbooks has inspired me more than you will ever know. You are brilliant, Kurt. I mean that with my whole heart.”

He pulls down and gently swipes underneath Kurt’s eyes. “I love the way your eyes change colors depending on your mood. They can be as calm as the blue sky on a sunny day or gray and stormy like a thunderstorm. I see the ocean in your eyes and galaxies, too.”

He moves his fingers across Kurt’s cheeks. “I love the way you blush when I compliment you. You know how amazing you are, you know how worthy you are of your dreams, but you are humble, too. You genuinely appreciate when someone notices you for who you are.”

He moves his fingers over to Kurt’s right ear, brushing over it. “I love your ears. They burn red when you get turned on or when I kiss you there. But more than that, Kurt, you listen. You care about what I have to say. I feel heard with you.”

He moves his fingers back over to Kurt’s face and gently wipes away the few tears that have leaked out at the corner of Kurt’s eyes. “I love that you live in a place of vulnerability with me, that you are not too proud to cry. That you are so compassionate and tender your emotions spill out. You have been an example for me to be able to do the same, Kurt. Thank you.”

He moves his fingers slowly down and rubs Kurt’s lips a few times. “I love the words that you speak. You are genuine and honest, loyal, and kind. Funny as hell, and a damn good kisser.” Kurt smiles under his praise. Blaine leans down and pecks him quickly on the lips. 

He moves his fingers down to his throat. “I love your voice and the way you sing, Kurt. Your voice is a melody that calms my soul, and the way you sing sets it on fire.”

He moves his fingers down to Kurt’s shoulders, swiping widely between the two of them a few times. “You have carried the weight of the world on your shoulders at times and have done so with grace. You have come out stronger for your trials, and the man you have become fills me with profound respect for the way you have faced your life head-on.”

He moves his fingers down, brushing across Kurt’s rib cage where his lungs are. “You have filled my life with sunshine and fresh air, with every breath you take.” 

He moves his hand over to Kurt’s heart and places his whole palm over it. “I don’t think I’ve said this out loud yet, Kurt, but your heart is the rhythm of my life now. I hear it when you aren’t near me. It’s the soundtrack playing in the back of mind. It’s a lifeline to the love and happiness I feel since I’ve met you, stronger than I’ve ever known.” 

He glides his fingers up and down Kurt’s arm. “The way your arms hold me, Kurt. I’ve never felt so safe, so loved, they feel like home.” 

Kurt can’t stop the tears flooding silently from his eyes now, but he tries to remain still.

He traces circles in Kurt’s open palm next to his side. “Your hands are the tools by which you make your dreams come true, Kurt. Your designs, your job, your insane typing skills (they both chuckle a little), the way you create, the way they serve others like the girl from your class that you helped tonight, and the way you love, Kurt. Your touch is healing to my soul.”

He brings his hand back over and rubs over Kurt’s stomach a few times and then lower, once again rubbing right above his pajama bottoms. “These remind me of the boundaries you set for us the first night we went on a date. I still can’t wrap my mind around how brave you were. And more than that, in a moment’s notice, you knew your body, mind, and heart so well that you knew, absolutely knew, what our physical restrictions should be, and when you would be ready to talk about sex. To have the privilege of loving a man like you is beyond my comprehension. That I get to be so lucky? It fills me with gratitude every day. 

“I love you, Kurt Hummel, every part of you,” he reaches over and grabs a tissue and hands it to Kurt, who smiles with gratitude.  
  
“You planned on making me cry?” Kurt tries to laugh, but his heart is so full he’s overwhelmed. Once he’s wiped his face off, he sits up and grabs Blaine in a hug with him still straddled on his lap.

“I love you, Blaine Anderson. I love you so much. Thank you for making me feel seen, safe, heard, loved.” Kurt dives into Blaine’s neck for a few kisses. He lifts the bottom of Blaine’s shirt and mumbles into his skin, “This okay?” Blaine’s answer is to lift his arms so Kurt can get his shirt off of him. 

Kurt braces Blaine’s back and twists them as he lifts his legs, laying Blaine down on the bed so that his own legs fall between Blaine’s. He moves his arms up so that they are still underneath Blaine but resting under his shoulders. He presses his lips to Blaine’s once again, already missing the taste of his mouth and skin. The kiss is heated. Sparks fly, hearts are pounding in ears, but in the back of his mind, Kurt can hear a quiet clear, calm voice telling him that he’s ready. _It's time_. 

He presses his hips hard into Blaine’s, both of them moaning. He rubs a few more times against him before he whispers in his ear, “I want everything with you, Blaine. I’m ready.” 

Blaine responds by holding him tighter and whispering back, “Me too, Kurt.” They keep kissing for a long while, each preparing their minds and hearts for each other. 

Blaine decides that it might be most comfortable for Kurt if he goes first, so he takes one of Kurt’s hands, moving it to the waistband of his pajamas, holding his hand there, “Take them off me?” He makes sure to word it as a question. 

Kurt’s hand grips tight to them, pulling down to reveal Blaine’s hip, and he’s already beside himself. Blaine’s body is just so gorgeous. He pulls away from the kiss slowly and adjusts their legs so that Blaine’s are to the side of where Kurt is kneeling. He grabs now with two hands and slowly pulls down. Blaine reaches down to pull the middle of the waist on the pants so that his erection can be free of the drawstring. Kurt silently pulls them all the way down Blaine’s legs before looking back up to see. 

His heart stops. Then his lungs. Then time itself stops. Blaine is categorically the most beautiful man he has ever seen naked in his life. He can’t take it all in. The muscles in his legs, the perfect V, his stomach muscles in context with his whole body, his arms, this man who boxes and takes care of himself, and heaven help him. Blaine’s cock is everything he could have ever dreamed of and never thought he could have. It’s long and thick and well—big. He feels dizzy. Does he get to have Blaine’s mind, heart, and soul? And this too? 

He realizes his body is screaming for air. So he takes a huge deep inhale. “You are the most beautiful man I have ever seen, Blaine Anderson. I can’t believe I get to touch you, be with you.” 

Blaine sits up to kiss Kurt eagerly. He pulls away and whispers in his ear, “I’m yours.” 

Kurt’s entire body shivers at the words, but he nods and whispers back to Blaine, “And I am yours.”

Blaine reaches back behind him and pulls the bedspread down as far as he can. He gently pulls Kurt to the other side of his lap and helps him lay down, as he finishes pulling the bedspread off to the side. He sits on his knees and leans over to put his hands on Kurt’s pajamas, “May I?” 

Kurt nods yes, but he brings both of his arms up and folds them long ways crossed over his eyes. 

“Baby, your body language is telling me you aren't ready for me to do this. Talk to me, honey.” 

Kurt sits up and takes Blaine’s hand, bringing it over to his cock on top of his pajamas, “Touch me first, Blaine, please?” Blaine nods, bringing their foreheads together. He rubs Kurt gently at first. He’s not sure where this request is coming from, but he assumes that this is probably the part where things have gone wrong for Kurt in the past. Men become fascinated with Kurt’s size and forget that Kurt’s heart is still there.

He continues to rub, gradually pressing harder. He makes a point to touch Kurt’s balls, each of them, then up to his length again. He wants Kurt to know that he’s doing precisely what Kurt asked of him. He then lays Kurt down again on his back, laying down with him so that he’s on his side, his hand resting on his elbow looking into Kurt’s eyes. He slowly moves his hand back up to the top of his pajama bottoms and barely slides his fingers underneath. He brushes his fingers tentatively to see if there is any resistance from Kurt, “May I touch you underneath your clothes?”

Kurt moans and nods, digging his fingers into Blaine’s back. Blaine likes this body language much better, so he decides to try it, but he never takes his eyes off Kurt’s for a second. He slips his hand under, and his fingers brush the tip of Kurt’s cock. There is sticky pre-cum at the tip that makes Blaine’s mouth water. He slowly slides his hand down further, palming Kurt’s shaft. He is one well-endowed man, to say the least. Sliding down further, he massages Kurt’s balls again. 

“You are so warm, Kurt. To feel your warm silky skin in my hand makes my heart skip a beat. To feel your desire and want, it’s intoxicating. To know you want me the way you do, that you trust me, fills me with wonder. Your entire body is stunning in every way, Kurt. I love you—mind, heart, body, and soul.” He slides his hand out and tugs on one side of Kurt’s pants, lowering them just about an inch.

“Will you help me with the other side when you are ready, sweetheart? And if you decide you aren’t ready, that is okay, too. You know that, right?” Blaine has decided that their first time is absolutely, under no circumstances, the time to make any type of comment regarding Kurt’s size. There will be all of forever in front of them for him to be able to express his admiration when Kurt feels more comfortable. 

Right when he’s about ready to give up and just go back to kissing Kurt instead, Kurt’s eyes fill with a look of determination, love, and trust. He brings his hand over and pulls down hard on his side of the pants, then reaches inside and pulls himself out over the top, as Blaine pulls down his side. Blaine sits up slightly and helps Kurt remove the pants the rest of the way, tossing them to the side. 

Blaine leans over once again and presses his finger to Kurt’s hairline and decides to reinforce everything he loves about Kurt one more time. Dragging his fingers down as he had before...“I love your mind. I love your eyes. I love your lips. I love your voice. I love your heart. I love your strength. I love the way you breathe sunshine and life into my life, Kurt.” He drags his fingers down to Kurt’s cock running his fingers up and down it a few times. “And I love the way that you want me. You make me feel loved and desired, Kurt. I love and want you, too. You are so stunning in every way.” 

He sits up and kisses every body part he just talked about, keeping as much eye contact with Kurt as possible. When he gets to Kurt’s cock he has a question in his eyes, but Kurt nods and thrusts up to show Blaine he is ready. Blaine leans down and kisses Kurt several times up and down his length. He rubs his hands all over Kurt’s body, his chest, his thighs, his arms. He is trying to reassure Kurt with his touch that he is interested in all of him. 

“Blaine, please!” Kurt finally finds his voice; it comes out in a loud begging whisper. Blaine looks up at him, and he says it again in a soft whimper, “Blaine, please.”

He opens his mouth, looking at Kurt one more time, making sure this is what he wants, and Kurt nods. He leans in, taking the tip into his mouth, and he can’t help but moan. He’s absolutely divine. The feel of him in his mouth, his taste, the weight on his tongue, it’s exquisite. 

Kurt grabs the sheets with one hand, clenching them tightly. The other hand goes immediately to Blaine’s curly locks. He tugs slightly, which makes Blaine moan even more. Kurt looks over to the basket. There has to be lube in there, so he reaches over and opens it—there is _everything_ in there. Kurt smirks at that but grabs the lube, which, thank heaven’s Blaine thought to open beforehand.

He thrusts his hips up once into Blaine’s mouth, he feels so good, but this isn’t what they want right now. He sits up and pulls Blaine to him, kissing him hard and dirty before flipping them over, so Blaine is lying down on the bed. He sits up and shows the lube to Blaine, “Can I?” 

Blaine moans, “Yes, yes, please, Kurt!” 

Kurt is shaking, but he pours some lube on his fingers and slowly rubs it up and down Blaine’s cock, he hasn't got to touch yet, and he decides that this will be a good diversion while he gets his nerves together. 

Blaine reaches over and grabs one of the pillows he carefully selected and slides it under his hips. “Here, baby, this will make it easier.” 

Kurt nods. He pours a little more lube and decides the only way to do this is to begin it. He bravely rubs his fingers around Blaine’s hole, trying to get a feel for the angle and the best way to do this. He takes a deep breath and gently presses against it with this pointer finger, slowly, tentatively trying to push in. When he finally breaches a little way, Blaine gasps but relaxes again. Kurt keeps pushing in slowly. Once he’s gotten in pretty far, he pulls his hand back for more lube. He goes so slowly, but eventually, he has two fingers stretching Blaine. The noises of approval and happiness, keeping him confident that he’s doing okay. 

Once in awhile, Blaine will reach down and start rubbing his erection or his balls playing with the skin. Kurt wishes he could do it for him, but this is his first time fingering anyone, and he’s too nervous to think about anything else other than what he's doing. 

“Kurt, honey, it’s okay. You can do more. I’m fine,” Blaine says a few minutes later, so Kurt pours more lube and tries to do three fingers. But once he looks down at his own erection and then at his fingers inside Blaine, his damn panic and deep-seated fears take over him. How is he not going to hurt Blaine? He pulls his fingers out, grabs one of the hand towels sitting by the edge of the bed, wiping the excess lube off of his fingers, and scoots back away from Blaine.

Blaine looks up, confused. _What just happened_? It takes him a second to come out of the bliss he was under so that he can figure out what is going on. 

“Baby, please talk to me.” _Trust the connection. Stay calm for Kurt._

“I can’t, Blaine. I can’t!” 

“You can't do what, honey? You were doing amazing.”

“I can’t. I’ve never fingered anyone before, ever. And I don’t know what I was thinking. I can’t, and I’m going to hurt you, Blaine. I don’t want to hurt you.”

Blaine notices that Kurt has gone soft. He truly must be upset. And wait, did Kurt just say…  
  
“Honey, look at me. Let’s take this one thing at a time. When you say you’ve never fingered anyone, does that mean you haven’t even fingered yourself?” Kurt nods, yes. 

“Oh my gosh, Kurt, I didn’t know. I’m so sorry we didn't talk about this before, did we? I missed this question the other night. But, oh my hell, you were so good at it. I had no idea.”

“Really?” Kurt asks shyly.

“Really, really. I was enjoying that immensely. It felt amazing.” 

“But I realized that I’m going to hurt you, Blaine. There is no way. How am I going to…”  
  
“Honey, listen to me. There is a way, trust me. People do insane things that we’ll never do but, there is a way, okay? It might take a little while, but we’ll get there, and I can help you stretch me if you feel nervous right now. But let’s talk honestly about you hurting me for a minute, okay?” 

Kurt nods.

“You are right; this is going to hurt me a little bit. I can’t deny that, but I am 100% percent on board with—” 

Kurt has flinched and turned away, closing his eyes. 

“No, Kurt, you need to look at me. Honey, please look at me? Let me finish. This has very little to do with you specifically. Sweetheart, I haven’t bottomed in more than seven years, and I want this desperately—I can’t even begin to describe how badly. But there is a certain amount of tolerance that needs to be built up, so it doesn’t hurt. And I honestly don’t play with my toys or finger myself very often because it always brought up too much want for something I didn't know if I’d ever have again.

“Kurt, there won’t be a time for me when it doesn’t hurt a little if we can’t get through the few times that it does. I need you to trust me that I’m okay with this. Do you understand that?” 

“But my size, Blaine. I just don't—it will tear my heart to pieces if I hurt you!”

“Baby, we’ll have to spend more time than the average couple on fingering me. That is where your size comes in, okay? Even if you were average size, this would still hurt me the first few times, but I need this, Kurt. I want this so bad. We’ll get through this together, and if it doesn't happen tonight, that is perfectly fine, but I’m never changing my mind about wanting to bottom with you.”

“I am so scared, Blaine.” 

“I understand you’re scared. And baby, I can’t tell you how much I love you for being so worried about me. That you care for me so deeply that you would give this up because you don’t want to hurt me is a beautiful thing, Kurt. Thank you for loving me so profoundly. We can wait until you're ready, okay? Let’s just make out and grope and grind and have a beautiful night together. This can wait.” 

Kurt launches himself into Blaine’s arms. “I love you, Blaine, so much. I don’t want to wait. I want this right now. I feel like I need to be one with you so much that my heart feels like it’s going to break free of my chest. I’m not going to apologize—because I know you won’t want me to, so can I just beg for your patience instead? I want this for us. I want you so much, but I love you too, and it’s difficult to wrap my mind around hurting you.”

“Kurt, can you look at it as the best kind of hurt? It’s a good hurt. You were in so much pain earlier tonight, weren’t you? You could barely walk out of the restaurant. Getting hard again in the elevator just about had you in tears, and when we were grinding up against the door, you wanted that so bad, didn’t you? Even though you probably would have screamed in pain if you could have? You knew you had to push through that pain to get to the incredible pleasure on the other side, so you did it anyway. Right?”

“Yeah, I did. And I’m still a little sore from it, but it would have been worse not to.”

“This is going to be that for me, honey. I need a small amount of pain so that I can get to the other side. I know that sounds crazy, but that is the way it works if we want to penetrate. We can only start where we are and work our way up, honey.” 

“So it’s the same thing I said earlier to you when I begged you to keep grinding against me that ‘it hurts so good?’”

“Yes, exactly, Kurt. And I promise you that I will use our safeword if I need to. We’ll go slow. We’ll be careful and smart, and I will safeword if it becomes too much, okay?” 

“Yes, okay. Thank you, Blaine. You’re right. I trust you to safeword or tell me you are uncomfortable. I shouldn’t make that choice for you. I promise to do the same. And before you ask,” he grins at Blaine, “I understand that you are fine waiting until I’m ready, but Blaine, I don't feel pressured into this by you at all. I want this just as badly as you do. I’m doing this because I want to be with you.”

“Thank you, love. I love you, sweetheart. Now kiss me with that incredibly talented tongue of yours. As I said before, every day I discover something new you are amazing at!” 

As they start kissing, Kurt asks between kisses, “You will help me with the fingering? Tell me if I need to do something different until we get you there?”

“Of course, love,” Blaine answers through kisses back. 

Once again, they are lost in the utopia of making out with each other until they are both hard and grinding against each other desperately. Blaine reaches for the lube and presses it into Kurt’s hand, “Please, love, please. When you’re ready.” 

Kurt moans and sits up. He pours the lube on his fingers once again and presses against Blaine. They adjust the pillow a few times, but soon Kurt has a rhythm going with his fingers, which has Blaine whimpering under him. 

“Kurt, please. I need you now, please.”

“Just lube, honey? Or you want me to put on a condom?” Kurt asks. They agreed on no condom this first time, but he gave Blaine an out before, and he’s certainly going to give him one now. He reaches over and wipes his hands on the towel. 

“No, no condom, Kurt! You were right. I need you like this now. Please!” Blaine begs.

Kurt rubs fresh lube all over his cock and says a silent prayer to a god he doesn’t really believe in that he doesn’t hurt the love of his life. He is so scared, but he trusts Blaine to safeword.

“Can we do it like this? I want to see your face?”  
  
“Yes, of course, baby. Come here, please. I’m ready. I love you so much.”

Kurt kneels in front of Blaine and lightly brushes his cock over Blaine’s entrance. It feels so good he thinks he might die, and they haven’t even started yet. He gently presses against Blaine and is surprised that his tip seems to glide in smoothly like it was meant to. It gives him the confidence that he needed to be able to do this. He pulls one of Blaine’s legs up on instinct and starts to kneel up and press down as slow as he possibly can. 

“Holy hell, Kurt. That feels so good. Keep going, please.” 

He presses an inch further and then another. Blaine is an impossibly tight vice around him, and he’s never felt so amazing in his life. If he hadn’t come twice already tonight, he wouldn’t have made it this far. There is no way. It feels way too good. Kurt takes a deep breath and tries to give up his fear once and for all. He releases all his apprehension and gives into his love for Blaine and his instincts. Blaine wraps his other leg around Kurt’s waist and pulls him even closer. 

“Blaaaaine. Oh, honey!” he lets Blaine drop his other leg and wrap it wound his waist too. He gives another tentative push sliding in a few more inches. Then he leans over Blaine’s body with his hands on each side of Blaine’s head. He pushes again. “You okay? You feel so damn good,” he says, voice shaking and full of desire. 

“The way you are filling me, Kurt, it’s amazing. Just keep going like that. I think you’re almost there, oh my—” Blaine lets out a loud moan when Kurt pushes in further. 

Kurt makes a final push, and he can feel it. He’s all the way inside Blaine. He feels like he could stay here forever, locked in this bliss, this moment in time where their bodies and souls are as connected as they ever can be. Melding, fusing, tangling, intertwining, binding—everything they’ve felt since that moment on 5th Avenue is finally merged together in perfect harmony. Their soulbond, chemistry, and love all feel interconnected in a way that had all been separate before now. It is beautiful. 

A few tears drip down from Kurt’s eyes onto Blaine’s face, and when he opens his eyes, Blaine has a few as well. “I feel it too,” Blaine whispers. 

Kurt bends his arms lying down now on his elbows, pressing impossibly closer to Blaine, their chests touching, and he kisses him passionately. They instinctively start moving their bodies together, small rocking motions before Blaine pleads, “Now, Kurt. Please move!” 

Kurt pulls back and thrusts back into Blaine carefully a few times. He can tell that Blaine isn’t entirely comfortable but that he isn’t entirely in pain either. “You’re so tight. You okay, honey?”

“Yes! Hurts so good, I promise. Please, please don’t stop.”

Kurt wants to make this as good as he can for both of them. He starts kissing Blaine’s neck, his chest. He swipes his tongue for the first time over one of Blaine’s nipples. Blaine immediately arches his back up—digging his fingers into Kurt’s arms, moaning. So Kurt kisses the other one. “Kurrrrrrrrrt!” He does it a few more times, enjoying the feeling of them pebbling up under his tongue. 

“Oh, it’s good, honey—harder, please harder!” 

Kurt pushes himself back up onto his hands so he can thrust better. He keeps a careful watch on Blaine’s face in case he sees any signs of pain. With one hand, he reaches down and starts to rub his fingertips lightly over Blaine’s cock, slowly up and down a few times while he keeps thrusting. He wonders if Blaine can come without rubbing him out.

Trying to get a better grip to keep thrusting, Kurt changes his position bringing his knees up slightly and moving back down to his elbows when Blaine cries out, “Right there! Kurt! Kurt!” Kurt thrusts his hips up again in the same spot. 

Blaine is an absolute wreck underneath him. He’s dragging his fingers up and down Kurt’s back now, his legs keep clenching around Kurt’s waist, and he’s just babbling incoherent statements about how much he loves Kurt, and it feels so good and don’t ever stop. Kurt pulls back and thrusts in one more time, and Blaine is keening, “Oh, oh, oh, oh, Kurrrrrrrrrrrt,” and he’s coming all over his chest between them.

Kurt is beside himself with want. This gorgeous man beneath him, coming untouched except for the friction between them, his body is contracting even tighter around him. He feels his whole body celebrate how amazing this all is. His skin is tingling. He feels the orgasm building deep within. He thrusts a few more times before he groans out, “Oh damn, Blaine, it’s going to be so big, so—so big!” He lets it rise, wash over him, and then it all hits at once. He’s coming inside of Blaine. It’s so hot and warm and nothing like he ever imagined he could feel. It’s so huge he can barely get air in his lungs, “Blaine, Blaine, Blaaaaainnnne!” 

Blaine holds him tightly as he comes down from his orgasm, collapsing onto Blaine’s chest, breath coming fast and quick, small tremors in his body. Blaine very carefully lowers his legs from around Kurt’s waist and stretches them out. He wants to keep Kurt inside him as long as possible. Almost as if Kurt could read his thoughts, he presses his hips hard down into Blaine, rocking up inside him again a few times. _Oh my hell, he’s still so hard, Kurt’s stamina is mind-blowing._

Kurt finally lifts his head to look down at Blaine, “I love you. Are you okay?”

Blaine’s smile goes wide, his eyes light up, “I’m more than okay, and I love you, too. That was beyond perfect, Kurt. So damn hot and beautiful all at the same time. Are you okay?”

Kurt blushes. After all of that, he still blushes, “It was the most incredible experience of my life, Blaine. To be so connected to you, feel that bond, and then have it be so good. It was better than I ever could have imagined. Thank you for making me feel so loved and safe.” 

Kurt leans down and kisses Blaine sweetly and tenderly for a few minutes. “Should I pull out? So we can clean up a bit?” Blaine nods. As Kurt pulls out, they both inhale sharply as they feel how hard Kurt still is and the rush of fluid that spills out. 

“Freaking hell, Kurt. How are you still so hard? Can you come again, honey?”

“Probably, I mean, I think so. Usually, I can when it involves you,” he blushes _again_. “But honestly, I want to cuddle with you and live in this moment a while longer.”

“Sounds heavenly. Let’s clean up a little okay? Then we can go shower in a bit?” Blaine pulls some wet towelettes from a package on the other side of the basket. Kurt wonders how they are so warm— _of course, Blaine would have a warmer for them. He really did think of everything_.

They clean themselves up the best they can, it’s a little awkward for both of them their first time doing this together, but they do it with love and determination to not let themselves be embarrassed. This is their new life together. 

Blaine tells Kurt to scoot down to the edge of the bed, and then he pulls the flat sheet off, grabs a new one from the pile, and spreads it out. Rolling up the dirty one and tossing it outside of the fort. “That is absolutely ingenious, Blaine Anderson!”

“Why, thank you, Kurt Hummel. I figured we’d need a few, and I didn’t want to stop and change the sheets every couple of hours,” he chuckles. 

“Only a few? Why Mr. Anderson, I do believe you have grossly underestimated my stamina and ability to pull all-nighters.”

“ _Mmmmm_ , well, I look forward to being very under-prepared for the number of sheets we’d need, Mr. Hummel. Now would you be so kind as to remind me what your lips feel like on mine? It’s been at least five minutes, and I'm having withdrawals.”

“With pleasure, my good sir.”

They lay tangled up for a long time, trading passionate kisses, lazy kisses, and every kind of kiss in between. Until they are utterly exhausted, lips sore, face brushed red from stubble, and their bodies annoying instinctual need to breathe.

Kurt starts to look around the fort that Blaine had built. It’s a fairytale come to life. “I can’t believe you did all of this for me, Blaine. The fort, it’s the most amazing gift I’ve ever been given. The time and thought you put into it... The twinkle lights are like our own private Milky Way. The mix of textures and patterns of the sheets and blankets calls to my artist’s heart. Everything you did to prepare for us so we’d be able to have an amazing first experience. I feel like I got everything in the world I could have ever dreamed of and then some with you, Blaine Blaine. I love you. Thank you for making this so special for me.” 

“I love you, too, Kurt. You are my everything.”

\----~---------------------~---

A curly-haired man lays on a mattress, in a fort made of dreams and twinkle lights. He was holding the love of his life in his arms, carding his hands through Kurt’s damp hair. After they had showered relatively quickly just to get clean and drank some water to stay hydrated, they were in each other’s arms again, a tangle of tongues and limbs. But Kurt’s long day was quickly catching up with him, even though he tried to fight it. Blaine tells him, “Just rest your eyes for a minute,” and Kurt is asleep before he had even finished saying the words. He reaches down and brings the blanket up over them. “Sweet dreams, Sunshine.”

  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Major Spoilers Below in the Warnings. Don't scroll past here if you don't want to see them.  
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> Warnings for this Chapter: Marking, Clothed Grinding, Stretching/Fingering, Size Kink,  
> Unprotected Penetrative Sex, Mentions of emotional fear from past o/c relationship
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> You can find artwork (and aesthetics aka "mood boards") and other related posts to this chapter on my Tumblr page GleefulPoppet, I'll be adding things over the next month. And I try to add the artwork to the chapter each night as well.
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> [Click Here to See Larger on Tumblr](https://gleefulpoppet.tumblr.com/post/632365293072695296/chapter-14-someone-to-need-you-too-much-posted)


	15. Monday: Built a Fort Out of Sheets

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Word Count: 9600+ [Warnings can be found in the notes if you need them]

He wakes with a start. There is a burning inside him. He could feel it rising in his sleep. He lifts his head slightly where it was lying on Blaine’s chest, and he sees it. The mark. It amplifies everything a hundredfold, and his eyes clench shut again. _Want. Now. Want to be taken. Want to take. Claim. Mark._ His thoughts are fragments—sparks flying then falling to the ground like ash. Only to be replaced by new ones. Burning brighter and longer. Bursts of red, orange—hot amber. _Consuming. Need. Blaine. I want Blaine. I am his. I want him to claim me. Now._

“Blaaaine!” he doesn’t recognize his voice. It’s full of urgency and strength. It’s fierce. He rolls, straddling one of Blaine’s legs pressing his erection down, rubbing it against him needing friction. Leaning in, he licks and nips at the mark he left before over and over again. 

Blaine has no idea what is happening, but he hears Kurt call for him. He can feel him on his leg, and once he puts his hands on Kurt’s back and feels the heat radiating from his skin, he picks up on Kurt’s energy, his thoughts, his feelings, and it lights him on fire too. 

“Blaaaine! Take me. Mark Me. Claim me. I am yours. I am yours.” Kurt’s thoughts are coming out like the hot fragments in his mind. His voice is full of passion and surety. Everything before was so beautiful, souls, hearts, love. But now? Now he feels like there is an animalistic urge, the hot burn of the fire, to feel claimed, to belong once and for all. 

Without hesitation, Blaine rolls them over, straddling Kurt’s hips. He pins both of Kurt’s hands above his head with one hand. With the other hand, he reaches down and rubs Kurt’s cock vigorously for a few minutes. He lets go, then scrapes his fingers down Kurt’s chest. He brings his hand back up, cradling it behind Kurt’s neck, pulling him up slightly, he dives into Kurt’s mouth with his tongue and teeth. He sucks on Kurt’s bottom lip, hard, until Kurt is moaning. He keeps kissing. It’s passionate and intense, a dance of tongues and teeth. He brings his hand down and rubs Kurt’s nipples, pulling on one. Kurt screams into Blaine’s mouth.

When Kurt can finally get enough air in his lungs to speak, he cries out again, “Mark me, Blaine! I am yours!” Blaine leaves Kurt’s mouth for his neck. He bites and licks his way down until he can find a safe space to use as his canvas. He wanted to paint a mural here on Saturday, and there is nothing to keep him from doing it now. He bites Kurt hard on his old mark, sucking and kissing. Then he moves over a few inches and leaves another, and then another. 

Kurt is moaning and screaming and begging. Words coming out of his mouth like his soul is on fire with them, “More, harder, mark me, claim me, need you, want you, take me!” Blaine sits up slightly so he can grab his own cock. “Yes, Blaine, yes!” He wants Blaine to mark him in every way possible. 

Blaine starts thrusting up into his hand, jerking himself off hard and fast until he feels his orgasm building. “I am yours!” He yells before he starts coming. He purposefully comes all over Kurt’s chest, marking him in the most intimate way possible. Before the orgasm is even fully finished, he reaches down and rubs his come all over Kurt, “I am yours!” he says again, and then he lowers his mouth back to Kurt’s shoulder, as close to the neck as he dares leave a mark. As he goes down to bite, he says in a sharp voice that somehow also conveys his profound love for Kurt, “I am yours! And— you—are— _mine_!” The last word comes out in a growl as he bites down hard and leaves a mark on Kurt’s skin that leaves no doubt of the truth of it. 

Kurt is whimpering underneath Blaine from the relief of it, from the belonging. To feel like he is somebody's after all he’s been through is a comfort he has no words for. But the raging fire in him will not be extinguished until he can claim Blaine as his. 

With a force that shocks Blaine, Kurt has managed to break free of his hold and flipped them both over. He is now straddling Blaine’s lap. Blaine watches as he swipes down his chest, getting his hand wet with Blaine’s release. He uses it as lube and starts to rub himself out. The sight has Blaine moaning and thrusting his hips up. They are so feral and on fire right now that Blaine’s cock is trying to fill again. 

Blaine brings both his hands up to Kurt’s chest, digging deep and scraping his nails down. “Mark me, Kurt! Mark me! I want you to take me!” He screams. Instantly Kurt starts coming, hot white liquid fire across Blaine. With his other hand, he rubs it into Blaine’s chest. He’s still coming. “I am yours!” he manages to grit through his teeth. His orgasm is so intense he hasn’t even been able to breathe. 

When it’s over, he leans down and swipes a finger through it, and brings it to Blaine’s lips. Blaine opens his mouth and sucks Kurt’s finger in as far as he can. Moaning and writhing under Kurt. He has no idea how, but he is fully hard again. Kurt leans down and bites hard on Blaine’s shoulder, sucking hard with his tongue and lips, making a deep mark in so little time, “You are mine!” He leaves his marks all over Blaine’s shoulder. Every so often, swiping his finger through the liquid on Blaine’s chest and putting his fingers back into Blaine’s mouth. “I am yours, and you are mine,” he keeps repeating until he is satisfied with the imprints he has left on Blaine’s skin. 

They are both hard. The fire is still burning. They rub their erections together. Kurt stretches out, lying directly on top of Blaine, lining them up. They kiss deeply, wildly. Trying to get enough of each other. The words “mine” and “yours” brought up countless times between them. Eventually, the fire slowly fades, the cooling effects of feeling sated, marked, and claimed. The serenity of their soulbond rising from the fire like a fresh breeze blowing away the smoke. Their love is a comforting salve on their burns. The phoenix has burned to ash and is rising again. This is their rebirth. Their love for each other will be forever, belonging forged by _fire_. 

\------------------------------

The next time Kurt wakes up, his body is humming in happiness. He feels like all is good and right in his world. He slowly opens his eyes and sees that Blaine is staring up at him with a grin on his face, which is quickly mirrored on Kurt’s. 

“Good morning, Sunshine.”  
  
“ _Mmmm_ , morning, my Honey Bee.” He squeezes the arm he has around Blaine tighter. 

“Baby, whatever you do, don't make any sudden movements, okay?”

Kurt laughs out loud, “What?” His laughing answers his question. They fell asleep, a sticky mess between them, now it’s dry, and they are stuck together. “Oh my gosh, we’re stuck. This is going to hurt so bad.”

“Yup!” Blaine pops the “p” sound and starts giggling. 

Kurt reaches his free arm over to see if he can reach the warmer with the wipes in it, luckily he can get to it, so he grabs a few out of the package, handing them to Blaine, keeping one for himself. “Maybe these will help at least a little bit?” They are both cracking up as they try to unstick themselves so that it doesn't hurt too bad when they pull apart. They do manage it but not without a lot of laughter. 

“We’re ridiculous.”

“We really are.”

Kurt reaches down and nuzzles his nose against Blaine’s. “Last night was Sunday waffles. How serious were you about morning kisses? Usually, that is a hard no for me, but with you, I don’t think I care.”

“I was so serious about them, Kurt. Kiss me, kiss me, kiss me,” he says in a silly voice. Kurt does reach down and kiss him, but they are very tight-lipped and closed-mouthed, which Blaine doesn’t think is any fun at all. He wants to play. 

“Spoilsport,” Blaine finally says with a laugh as he pulls away. “Here, let me help you with your aversion to morning kisses because I want some.” He scoots over Kurt’s stomach lifting the lid off the basket. While he is rummaging around, Kurt can’t help notice he has a delightful view of Blaine's backside right across his stomach, so he rubs it appreciatively. 

“You have the hottest ass, Mr. Anderson.” They both burst out laughing at that. Apparently, they have a serious case of the giggles this morning. 

Meanwhile, Blaine has found his prize. 

“Ahah!” He says as he holds up a bottle of peppermint essential oil. “Put one drop of this on your tongue, and then we can play.” 

“Have I told you that you, sir, are a genius?”

“Not today, my darling!” Blaine says with a roll of his tongue playfully. 

They start kissing again, and Blaine very much approves of the change of pace. To say that Kurt is a fantastic kisser is the understatement of the century. That would be like saying the ocean is wet; it’s true but doesn’t even kind of capture the essence of it. Kurt is a kissing magician, and he knows it sounds cliché, but the man can make you see stars when he’s put his whole heart into it. Little does Blaine know that Kurt’s thoughts are almost the same about him. 

Kurt eventually pulls away. “How sore are you today, honey, be honest? Are you okay?”

“I’m sore, but I’m not in any kind of harsh pain. It’s just tender—it burns a little bit. Why? Are you thinking about having your wicked way with me, Mr. Hummel?”

“It seems a shame to let two perfectly marvelous morning hard-ons go to waste, doesn’t it? But, there are so many other things we could do, honey. I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“I am okay, and to try and be tactful about it, I had already been up to take of personal things before you woke me up at 4 in the morning to ravage me. Which by the way, is now the single hottest thing that has ever happened to me. So if you are up for it, which I would say you are,” he pointedly looks down at Kurt’s sizeable erection, “then I am begging you to get the lube and get started already!” he grins widely and lays back on the bed, bringing the pillow up underneath them. 

Whatever nerves, panic, and fear Kurt had last night are entirely gone now. He lubes two fingers and presses into Blaine, being so careful but not holding back either. It’s much easier this morning, Blaine is still somewhat stretched from last night, and Kurt feels more confident. Soon enough, he has Blaine begging for him, moaning, thrusting his hips up to meet Kurt’s fingers. 

“Baby, please!” Blaine finally cries out. Kurt pulls his fingers out, grabs the lube bottle as he lays on his back next to Blaine. He generously lubes up his cock, turns to look at Blaine. “Ride me, please, honey?” 

“Holy Hell, Kurt!” He quickly rolls over to his side, then straddles Kurt. Kurt holds his cock for Blaine as he lines them up. Blaine has both his hands on Kurt’s chest as he slowly lowers himself down on his cock. The burn is intense, but it feels so good. “You are so damn big baby, holy freaking hell, it feels so good!” Realizing what he’s said, he opens his eyes to look at Kurt’s face, but Kurt seems to be lost in the sensation too because he’s moaning, and he has his eyes closed. Once he’s fully seated, he rocks his hips back and forth in slow motion, trying to ease the burn. 

Kurt is rubbing his legs, and after a while of rocking, he starts to beg, “Please, Blaine, please!” 

Blaine lifts up and then sits back down on Kurt, he tries it once more, but it does burn. He's not used to Kurt’s size yet, and after last night, it’s just too much. But before he can even start to figure out what to do or to tell Kurt, Kurt’s hands have stilled his hips, one on each side, holding him there. Then a brush of Kurt’s fingertips between his brow, where he didn't realize he had scrunched them together. 

“Shhhh, Honey Bee, just be still, relax. You feel so good around me. It’s enough. Can you show me? Show me how you would make yourself feel good?” He guides one of Blane’s hands to his cock, presses against it, and whispers again, “Show me.” 

Blaine’s heart catches in his chest. They are so in tune with each other already, and they’ve barely gotten started on this journey. He starts to pull. He sits back and brings his other hand to cup his balls, massaging the skin around them. He pulls long and slow a few times and then speeds up, then slows down again, then speeds up once more.

“Oh, damn baby. You look so hot. Look at you, your gorgeous length—and your beautiful hands. Show me, Blaine, show me!” 

He starts thrusting into his hand harder, his wrist moving quickly, which gives just enough friction on Kurt’s cock that he thinks he might be able to come too. Blaine is pulling harder. He starts mumbling words that sound like ‘I love you’ and ‘you're so hot’ and ‘want you so bad’ and ‘you are my everything’ in some incoherent order. 

“Oh, Kurt! Baby, Kurt, Kurt, Kurt!” he spills over his fist down onto Kurt’s stomach, his breath coming short and fast. “Oh damn, Kurt!” he says as it finally ends. 

Kurt is so close he can barely stand it. Blaine moving on top of him only slightly but then tightening around him when he comes has him on edge. That hidden strength he seems to have during sex with Blaine is out in full force. He pulls Blaine down to his chest and rolls them over, so he’s on top now, still inside Blaine. He thrusts up once on instinct, realizing what he’s done he is going to pull out, but Blaine stops him, “No! This is okay. It’s better, go, baby! Come inside me, please!” 

Kurt only thrusts a half a dozen times before he’s panting, arching his back as he comes deep and hard inside of Blaine. “Oh my hell, Blaine. I love you—I love you!” He slips out carefully right when it’s over; he doesn’t want to stay in there and risk hurting him. He collapses on Blaine’s chest. Both of them try to catch their breath, mumbling “I love you,” between them. 

After a few minutes, Kurt starts laughing, “Oh my gosh! We are positively filthy. You know that?”

Blaine wraps his arms tighter around Kurt. “ _Mhmm_ , the best kind of filthy too. I can’t move right now. Just deal with it for a few more minutes?”

“For you? Anything, sweetheart. But we can’t fall asleep again. That takes the saying ‘stuck on you’ just a little too literally for my sensibilities.”

Blaine bursts out in a loud belly laugh, “I may have to agree with you there. But, baby, I don’t think I’ve orgasmed four times in less than twelve hours, maybe ever! You are doing things to my body I had no idea I could do.”

“Yes, well, perks of dating a younger man and all that cliché nonsense, right?” He smiles and laughs, but it doesn’t sit right with him, “But Blaine, honestly, you have to know it has to do with our chemistry and our bond more than anything, right?”

“Yeah, honey, I do. Of course, I do. Have you seen our bodies from what we did to each other last night? We were unreservedly feral, and that has never happened to me either. I loved every second of it. It made me feel closer to you than I knew was possible. Just so many wonderful things to look forward to with you, that is how I meant it. You do things to me that shock and amaze me in all the best ways, baby. I love you.” 

“I love you, too. I guess I needed confirmation that all of this was our insane chemistry or soulbond driven, special and unique to us, and not because I’m young and horny. That would have seemed to demean the depth of its meaning and feeling for me. Thank you for making me feel better about it.”

Blaine immediately scoots up and kisses Kurt with reassurance, love, and intensity. “Kurt, everything that we’ve done has been special. All of it was driven by the depth of the feelings we have for each other. First, the beautiful moment of becoming one, and then the fire of claiming each other. Kurt, everything was wonderful, never doubt that I believe that. I love you with all my heart.” 

“I love you too, Blaine Blaine.” 

“ _Mmmm_. Now, I’m going to kiss you silly for the next five minutes, and then we can go shower and work on getting some breakfast. Sound like a plan?”

“Oh, yes, the very best plan.”

\------------------------------

An hour or so later, they find themselves out on the patio, getting some fresh air while they eat their breakfast. It's probably one of the last times they’ll be able to eat out here for a long while. The October days are turning colder, and winter will be here before they know it. 

Kurt asks many questions about Blaine’s work, how things are going, what is coming up for him in the next few months, and how he feels about his job. Blaine tells him how this week he has seemed re-energized for all of it, he’s been happier, and it’s shown in his work too. 

“I just have a feeling something new and exciting is on the horizon. I’m excited to see what it is.” Blaine shares.

Kurt expressed his excitement and enthusiasm and hope that he could go and visit Blaine at work one day; he wants to see where he spends most of his days. 

“You know, Kurt, that may need to happen sooner than later, honey. I don’t know if we want to talk about this today, but we’ll need to meet with the publicity department. They will at least want a heads up when we decide to go public, if not make a plan for us just like they would with the other artists we sign. We weren't prepared for the other situation. We can’t have another incident like—well, anyway. I think once you and I get out into the media, they are going to have a heyday with it because I've been laying so low. I just think it would be good for us to talk to them.”

“Blaine, honey. You can’t try to filter yourself, at least not for my sake, about Connor, okay? Until we can get out from underneath the shadow of what happened, he is still part of what will make some of the decisions we have to live with for now. Whether or not we like it, or whether it's fair is irrelevant. I’m okay, do you know that? If his name needs to come up, let it come up.”

“Thank you, baby. I’m just so sick of it myself, you know? I’ve been dealing with all of this and him for seven years, and I just want to move forward. This is our day. He shouldn’t get to steal it away from us.”

“And he’s not, honey, he’s not. I’m right here. I love you. I understand why you brought it up. Try not to let it upset you anymore. He holds no power over you except the power you give him, okay? We’ll rise above this, and he will fade into the background like a distant memory. Alright?” 

“You’re right. Geez, Kurt, sometimes I think you’re older and wiser than I am.”

“Old soul, remember?” he teases.

“You are that, and I love it so much. Anyway, the point was that I think we should talk to them. I would love for you to see where I work, and you have to meet my assistant, Marley, at least. She asks two hundred questions a day about you! She’s in love with you already, you know, simply because you make me happy.” 

“I want to meet her too! I bet she could give me the inside scoop on you! I wonder if I could charm your secrets right out of her.” 

Blaine groans, “On second thought, maybe that isn’t such a good idea that you two meet,” he teases. 

“Oh my gosh, Blaine! Speaking of meeting someone, I forgot to reschedule my Skype call with my dad with everything going on with the show and being excited to see you. I forgot yesterday. Do you care if I sneak away from our date to talk to him for half an hour later tonight? If you have something planned, I can postpone it or move it or whatever.”

“No, of course not, honey. Talk to your family. In fact, when you are ready, I would love to meet them. I’d love to get to know the man who raised such an amazing son, and from what you’ve told me about your step-mom, she sounds delightful.”

Kurt is looking at Blaine like he’s from another planet. “You're ready to meet my parents? Like you’d get on a Skype call and introduce yourself and talk to them. As in today? If I say I'm ready?” 

“Sure, why not? Do you remember what you told me at the library? That we didn't need to worry about what other people thought about the timeline of what was happening to us, and we shouldn’t worry about it either? If there are a hundred steps between now and getting to be with you forever, and this is one of them, why would we wait? Unless this is a ‘too big, too soon’ feeling for you, then that is different. But I, myself, would be fine with meeting them, even for just a few minutes so you can still have your privacy.” 

Kurt gets up from the table, walks over to Blaine’s chair, and pulls him out, hugging him hard. He walks them forward, and once again, he has Blaine pressed against the glass of those giant windows. He spends the next twenty minutes, expressing exactly how much he loves Blaine with his heated lips and tongue. _A week ago today, I still didn’t know his last name, and today he’ll meet my parents. Traditional timelines be damned, indeed._

\-------------------

After they do the dishes, put a load of laundry in, sing a few random duets around the kitchen together, and make out more than a few times, Blaine decides that they better get their next milestone conversation started. 

“You ready to curl up in the fort together and start conversation number three, honey?”

“Oh yes, that sounds perfect.” He walks over to Blaine, putting his lips to his ear, he runs a finger from Blaine’s lips down his throat, down his chest, rubbing the top hem of his pants and says, “And, I do believe, Mr. Anderson, that this is the first conversation we can have where we might end up naked and out of breath.” He turns and walks towards the fort, disappearing inside. 

Blaine mutters under his breath, “And, I believe, Mr. Hummel, I am not going to survive you.”

They lay down on their sides in the fort, surrounded by love, twinkle lights, and pillows. “When we were trying to decide what topics to discuss for these conversations last Friday, could you have ever imagined that we’d have already had as many discussions as we’ve had?” Blaine asks as he rubs his finger gently over Kurt’s face. 

“No, I couldn’t have. I’ve told you things I’ve never told anyone, ever.” He leans over and kisses Blaine’s nose. 

“Thank you for trusting me with those, Kurt. Today we're supposed to talk about secrets and life-changing experiences, but I also think we need to address a few other things, including our biggest fears—general fears for sure. Still, I think we need to be honest with each other about our greatest fear of being in a relationship with each other as well. Is that something you’re ready to talk about?”

“Yeah, I think there are some things we need to address for, but honey, umm, I’m sorry, do you think we can go to the front room? I do better when I can sit up or be on ‘our couch’ during these conversations. I don’t know why. To be honest, being in here with you just makes me want to ravish you. And as much as I’d love to, the conversation is more important right now.”

“Yes, of course, honey. Let’s go.” He leans over and gives Kurt a sweet kiss before getting up and pulling Kurt with him. 

Once they’ve settled on the couch, Blaine sits with Kurt’s legs over his lap and tries to find a place to begin. “Where do you want to start this? Do you have something specific on your mind, Kurt?”

“Let’s just dive in headfirst and face this head-on. Should we get to our fears?” 

“Yeah, hell, Kurt, all of a sudden, I can feel how deep we’re going to get into this today. Can you feel that?” Blaine’s voice is shaky.

“I can, wow. Yes, I can.” Kurt’s face goes a little pale.

“Being alone,” Blaine blurts out. 

“What?” Kurt squeezes Blaine’s hand. “What do you mean, honey?”

“My biggest fear has been that I would always be alone. That isn't exactly what I mean. I just—for so long, I’ve felt alone even when I was with other people— _always_. I don't know how to explain it. I am independent. I don’t need to be with someone to function or go about my life or even be happy in general. But—it felt like something was missing. Even with my relationship with Connor, I felt like I was alone even when we were in a good place, and I never could figure out why.

“I guess we’ve kind of talked about this before, about that weird sensation of feeling like something was missing. I just always associated it with the feeling of _aloneness_. And then I met you, Kurt, and I don’t know? That feeling is gone, evaporated. That emptiness is missing. I was afraid it would never be filled. And now I guess a small part of me is worried that someday I’ll know it again. That terrifies me. It felt like a cold empty void compared to the sunshine and warmth I have with you now. But I—” he takes a really deep breath. Kurt has been lightly rubbing his fingers up and down his arm, holding his hand and listening intently.

“But I promised you at the library, promised myself that I wasn’t going to waste time worrying about how this would all end. But umm—yeah. That is my greatest fear.”

“Thank you for telling me, sweetheart, and we’ll talk about it. But, there’s something else here, honey, tell me what it is? What aren’t you saying?” 

Blaine looks at Kurt, a questioning gaze at how Kurt seems always to know. 

“Just—we’ve already talked about this too, sort of, I guess. But I—with my love language being touch and how I only know how to love with everything—it’s all or nothing for me, Kurt. I—I am so scared that I’m going to be so terrified of losing you that I smother you. Not just with affection and my need to be near you—which by the way with this bond seems to be the most intense it’s ever been in my life—but also emotionally. 

“And then on top of all of that is just this—Kurt, I just. There is this irrational fear of losing you every time you walk out the door. And I don’t mean worrying about the first time we’re angry, or we have a fight or something. I have faith in us that we’ll be able to work through that stuff. This is more a fear of horrible things, accidents, illness, tragedy, and other atrocities that I refuse to give words to. The whole combination of all of these things just swirls in my brain like a hurricane, and I just want it to stop.”

Kurt scoots across the couch until he can climb into Blaine’s lap sideways, laying his shoulder on his head, Blaine’s arms wrap around him. 

“Honey, those are all very valid feelings to have. I think the fact that you are so highly aware of them and can articulate them is amazing, and it means you are in a very healthy place with your fear. I want you to know that I have some of those same feelings too—they can get dark and scary. I don’t think we can love someone with all of our hearts and not think about losing them. It’s like we are damned as a human race to know love so deeply and then also know that there is a chance we’ll have to say goodbye to it.” Kurt wipes away a few of Blaine’s tears. “But if that fear starts to interfere with your daily life and you start to make decisions from that place, or you become paralyzed by it is when it becomes a problem. So maybe we put this on the list for counseling? It might help us both.”

“You feel that way, too sometimes?”

“I do.”

“That makes me feel less alone in my fear. Let’s put it on the list. I’ll go get the journal in a minute.”

“As for smothering me physically or emotionally, you have done neither of those things so far, so let’s clear that up for right now. But as the weeks, months, and years go by, we will need to check in with each other often about this. Right? That is what couples do or should do. We need to ask questions, ‘Are your physical needs being met?’—‘Do you need some space?’—‘Are you happy?’—‘Do you need anything from me or less of something?’ We’ve got to be able to have those conversations, Blaine, and often. And not only that but be able to have them without getting our feelings hurt—if we can. I think we already have done that, we’re doing it right now, and we will continue to be able to do so. We just have to not lose sight of that?”

“Yes, you're right. Of course, you're right.”

“And before we go any further, I want you to understand one hundred percent I’m not trying to fix this or take away your fears, but we can help each with a plan to cope with them?”

“No, I get that, Kurt, thank you. There is something about saying it out loud that lessens the power of it, isn't there? You know my deepest fears about our relationship. It is out there in the open to have some light shed on it instead of festering in the darkest corners of my mind.” 

“Exactly, and I envy you that you are this side of it when I still have to share mine in a minute, but I want to say something else about safe spaces. We need to figure out a way to be able to declare ‘safe space time’ with each other sometimes. It’s almost like drawing a circle on the floor and stepping into it. 

“For example, you are afraid of smothering me, right?” 

Blaine nods, yes.

“And if you ever are smothering me and I need some time to myself, I need a safe space to be able to talk to you without you going into a panic that you’ve done something wrong. It has nothing to do with being right or wrong; it has to do with being able to communicate our needs. Does that make sense?”

“It makes so much sense. I think it’s one of those things that is easier in theory than actually doing it—meaning I would probably be upset with myself that I had smothered you. But I can see how that would discourage you from talking to me about it again in the future, and that would be so much worse. I can tell you right now I won’t be perfect at it, but I would like to work towards that, though. That sounds like a very healthy way for us to approach this and future fears and problems.” 

“Oh, honey, I never expect you to be perfect at anything. We’ll make it through all of this. We will. I’m going to get our journal, okay? So we can get some of this stuff written down before we get too far because I think this ties into something else I wanted to talk to you about. I’ll be right back.” 

When Kurt gets back with the journal, they make a few notes. They put the questions Kurt suggested, the idea about the circle as a metaphor and to talk to their counselor about their fears when they start going to therapy together sometime in the future. 

As Kurt finishes the last note, he looks up, realizing that Blaine is staring at his lips.  
  
“You can kiss me if you want, Blaine Blaine,” Kurt beams. 

“ _Mmm,_ I want to.” So he does for a good ten minutes or longer. Who keeps track when there’s kissing involved? But eventually, he realizes they better get back to it if there is any chance they want to spend time in the fort before Kurt has to call his family. 

“Thank you, Sunshine,” he says as he finally makes himself pull away from Kurt’s delightful mouth. “Now, what was the other thing you wanted to talk about before you went and got the journal.” 

Kurt slowly comes back to reality. 

“Oh right, yes, well, it’s something you said the other night, and we didn’t get to talk about it more in-depth because I was having a meltdown. And when I was thinking about safe spaces to talk, it came back to me. You had told me about your deal-breakers?” Blaine nods. “Well, I think we need to talk about that. I think I need you to define those parameters. I don’t think I like the word deal-breaker, and I’ll tell you why after I’ve shared mine?” 

“You want to share your deal-breakers first? Then we can go from there?” Blaine asks, and Kurt nods.

“Honestly, mine are probably the same as yours, but there are a few things that I’d like to add. One would be gambling, and we can talk about what that means to you. The other one would be belittling and controlling, and there is a reason I’m lumping those together. And for the love of all that is holy, Blaine, you have never done this to me, ever. But I’m sharing this with you because it goes into part of my deepest fears. I’m trying to think of some examples. Saying things like, ‘Are you really going to eat that? I hope you are planning on working out after!’ —‘Why aren’t you home? I had to do everything myself.’ —‘Just forget it, I’ll just do it myself. It’s easier than trying to teach you.’ —‘Did you really talk to your boss like that?’— ‘Why do you waste so much time doing that?’”

Blaine looks horrified. “Kurt! Oh my gosh, if I ever talk to you like that, I hope you call me out on it instantly. Safeword if you have to!”

“Well, that is what I’m trying to get at here, though, honey. We need a safe space to be able to talk about those things. Once or twice over a period of time is a bad mood or hurt feelings, it really isn’t a deal-breaker because life happens. But we still need a safe space to make sure we can talk about it before it becomes habitual language for either of us. I love that you just said I could use a safeword. That is super interesting. I would never have thought of that. 

“But let’s use some other examples, and these are hypothetical, but it might be easier to see what I’m trying to get at. Let’s use cheating. Let’s say I go out with my friends and there is a cute boy with them or at the bar or whatever, and he’s talking to me, and he makes me laugh, and I have a genuinely good time talking to him. He makes me feel good about myself, and maybe I don’t discourage some playful flirting, and then I come straight home. Is that cheating? Or what if gambling is a deal-breaker for me and you buy two hundred lottery tickets for your company Christmas party as gifts, is that breaking it? Or let’s say that one of us is injured, and heaven forbid we become addicted to painkillers and need help. Is that drug abuse? Or what if one of us starts looking at modeling photos or ads of men in some random magazine like Vogue, totally innocently, and we get hard and want to jack off? Is that looking at porn? 

“Most of those were probably and under exaggerated—on purpose. But, do you understand that if we say the word ‘deal-breaker’ and then don’t have a safe space to talk about what we are going through and the experiences we’ve had privately, that we might not say anything at all? Because we are so terrified that the other person will draw a line in the sand and walk away—when we aren’t even sure if what we did was part of the deal-breaking parameters in the first place?”

“Freaking hell, Kurt. This is huge, huge stuff. You amaze me. Okay, I just. I need a second to unpack all of this?”

“Yeah, I do too, Blaine. I mean, I have no idea what the answer is to any of this. That all just came tumbling out of my brain. I’m not sure I even know how to process it.” Kurt scoots over on the couch and lays his head down on Blaine’s thigh, so the back of his head is to Blaine’s stomach, and he can see out across the room. He vaguely wonders why he’s never laid like this. It’s oddly comforting. Blaine reaches down and starts running his hand over Kurt’s cheek, his ear, and then through his hair over and over again. They are both lost in their thoughts. 

After a long while, Blaine interrupts the silence, “I don't want that, Kurt. I don't want to set up all these rules, use words like deal-breaker, erect prison bars on our love, and give it ambiguous definitions. Of course, we need to have boundaries. We both need privacy. We need to know what will hurt each other deeply, but maybe when it comes down to it, the only real deal-breaker is dishonesty? Because if we are being honest with each other every day, or trying our best to, then we’ll be able to work on these problems together head-on. Right? Am I oversimplifying? 

“You have to know, Kurt, that any kind of cheating, whether it’s emotional or physical, is going to hurt me deeply. I can’t deny that. But I would rather you told me the day it happens or close to it, rather than finding out later or on my own. If we can learn to build enough self-control to listen, truly listen, in our safe space before we become so hurt or emotional, we can’t think straight—we might be able to make it through anything. It seems like we could even say, ‘Thank you for being honest with me. I need some of my own safe space to deal with what you told me. I’ll be ready to talk about this at X time.’ Or maybe it’s ‘I’ll be ready to talk to you again when we meet with our counselor.’ Kurt, I don't know.” 

“I think it would be an amazing ideal to strive for, Blaine. I don’t know either. I do know that I want to be able to tell you _everything_ without fear of you picking up your wallet and keys and walking out the door without another word. How do we promise to get through these conversations in the future? I don’t know. I mean, the thought of doing something that would hurt you just absolutely kills me inside. Talking about it right now is making me nauseous. But I know I will someday. I’m human, and I’ll make a mistake of some sort, it may even be completely innocent, maybe it won’t be. I don’t know, but I want to be able to tell you, Blaine.”

“That is what I want for us too, Kurt.” 

“Don’t you think it’s a good sign though that we are talking about this now? I mean, we know our relationship is going at supersonic speed, but we’re talking about the important things, right? Our journal and these conversations, they are building the foundation we wanted.”

“Of course they are, love. I’ve never had most of these conversations we’re having at all. So I think we are being smart. I think we are watching out for each other, giving each other’s needs a high priority as we move forward. I think we’re doing amazing, baby, and it’s okay if we don't have this all figured out. If we can keep doing this, moving forward little by little, we’ll be okay. And maybe we follow our foundation idea for the rest of our life. You can make one of your fabulously amazing spreadsheets, and on the first Sunday of every month during our Sunday waffle dinner, we have one of these milestone conversations, or every Sunday if we want to, sweetheart.”

“That’s a brilliant idea, isn’t it? Don’t you think as relationships go by, they can become complacent? But if we had a list of conversations, we could have one every Sunday for the next sixty years.”

“Sixty? I’ll be a cute little ninety-four-year-old grandpa, Kurt. How fun will that be?”  
  
“Yes, you will! Maybe by then, I can talk you into wearing bowties again because I’m sad I missed that fashion era in your life, Honey Bee!”

“Oh my gosh,” Blaine can’t help but laugh. “I love you so much, baby. And I will wear a bowtie for you anytime you want.”  
  
“Anytime? You better be careful what you promise, Mr. Anderson.”

“Don’t even start with me. I want to pick you up and take you into that fort and kiss you until you beg me to stop as it is already.”

“Is that so?”  
  
“Yes, it really is. But we aren’t even close to being done here, and this is important, so we’ll make out until we beg for mercy in a little while, yeah?”

“Yeah, okay, fine. I’m just stalling.”

“ _Mmhm_ , I know. Let’s get some of this last bit written down in the journal, though. We’ll work on it. Let’s also put it on our list for our counselor? But for now, I think we can agree we keep being that safe space for each other, being honest about our days, experiences, and feelings. And it sounds like Sunday waffles and milestone conversations for the next sixty years is a date?” 

“That all sounds perfect.” 

They work on the journal. All of their thoughts about it all take up almost two pages. And in big letters in the middle of one of the pages, they wrote, “Be honest with each other,” and on the other, they wrote, “Be a safe space for each other.” They circled them several times so they would stand out. 

“Okay, honey, it’s your turn. What is your biggest fear? I know you are nervous about this. I love you. You can talk to me.” 

“Thank you, honey, love you too. Okay—this is hard to talk about not only because it’s my fear but because we haven’t talked about this. It hasn’t come up yet. Most of this will tie into conversation five."  
  
“Viewpoints on marriage and family?” Blaine asks. 

“Yeah. Are you okay if we talk about some of this now?”  
  
“Of course I am, love. Anything you need.” 

Kurt is back in his usual position with his legs lying over Blaine's lap, head resting on the couch’s arm. So Blaine rubs his legs, trying to comfort him and encourage him.

“My biggest fear is that I want a family more than anything else in the world.” Kurt shuts his eyes and takes a few deep breaths. Blaine is left to wonder if Kurt is waiting for a response or just needs a minute to continue. When Kurt is still breathing in and out, he decides to respond.

“Okay, but why is that your biggest fear? Are you scared that I don’t want kids? Or we won’t have the same definition of what a family is? Or is this about something with you personally?”

“All of the above, if I’m candid. I guess it would help to flat out ask you to get this part over with. Do you want kids, Blaine? Do you have any desire to be a dad?”

“I’ve always wanted kids, Kurt. But as I’ve gotten older, I wasn’t sure it would ever happen for me, and that was certainly nothing I planned on taking on by myself. So yes, I’d like to have kids if I’m married. And I don’t know if it helps, but for me, I’d define family as two people who have committed to being married or willing to make an equivalent vow. Obviously, marriage is a relatively new privilege we get to enjoy. I’m happy to discuss any of this with you, none of these things are written in stone for me. It’s just what I would have answered anyone that asked me.” 

“Okay, well, we can go back to all of that when we get to that conversation. I just needed to know if it was even a possibility with you at all. I want kids so much, Blaine. And I am not sure how I’m going to explain this, but I have always been ashamed to talk about it.”

“Ashamed?”

“I just—in this day and age it doesn’t seem like a big enough dream or something. I felt bad that in my heart, that is what I wanted most of all. Why do we ridicule those who want to be mothers and fathers more than anything? Like careers are better or more important, more praiseworthy?

“But it’s way bigger than that too. Because of my voice, I have been treated as effeminate in the past. My voice is lower now than it was just even a few years ago. But I would answer the phone and people would say ‘Ms. Hummel?’ And I’ve had to say ‘Oh no, this is her son.’ Plus, there is no planet where I pass as straight. Growing up in Lima with that combination was...well, I’ve already told you about the bullying. The point is I came to dread anything associated with being feminine because I identified as male and wanted to be treated that way. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being feminine. But there was no way in hell I was going to admit that my dream, even bigger than Broadway or being a fashion designer, was that I wanted to have a family. 

“I used to replay what people would say over and over in my head, ‘Aww, how cute you want to be a mommy when you grow up.’ And let me tell you, I realize there can’t be a better compliment, mothers are amazing. They make the world go round. I would give almost anything, anything to have another day with mine. But as a young teenage boy, as a young adult, I couldn’t have borne it. To have my dream to be a father, to have a family of my own be the fuel of my abuse and to be mockingly misgendered over it? Never.”

“I can see that this hurt you deeply, Kurt. Have you been able to talk to anyone about it before?”

“No, this is one of the two things I haven’t talked to my dad about, the other being the abuse. I don’t want him to get his hopes up about grandchildren. I couldn't handle the pressure. I never knew if I would find someone who wanted the same thing. Experience was teaching me the harsh reality that it might not happen for me. I know I’m young, but it seems like most guys are so career-driven, or worse—all about the club scene, or just didn't want families. I don’t know. I just don't know.”

“I think you do know, sweetheart. Tell me that thought that is not wanting to come out? You are holding it so tight against your chest. Look at your hands, angel.” 

Kurt looks down and realizes Blaine is right. His hands are crossed over his chest, directly over his heart, his knuckles are white, and his hands are in fists. He immediately relaxes them and reaches down for Blaine to take his hand, taking several deep breaths. 

“There is a deep place in my heart, Blaine, that is always on red alert, a shield or a wall, or I don’t know, pick a metaphor I guess that tries to protect me from pain and loss. You hold the world’s record for getting behind it the fastest, and there are only about five people in total who have managed it. Maybe it’s from losing my mother so early. Perhaps it’s from the bullying. Maybe it’s from feeling so different all my life, so alone in who I was—never understanding where I fit in or belonged. But I’m always waiting for people to hurt me, to leave me, to be cruel. And the scariest thing of all is that two of the people I loved most in all the world did exactly that when they died and left me here without them. Half of my family, gone too soon.

“And now I have you Blaine—and we talked about this a minute ago, I told you it tied into my fear. You have the power to hurt me most of all, now. I am scared to lose you. And if I have a family—we, if _we_ have a family— it multiplies the number of people who can hurt me, and I’m afraid that at some point, the potential loss will become too much for me to handle. I’ll start shielding you out, or our kids out, for fear of the terrifying pain that has the potential to wreck me if I lose you. I’m fearful of building a wall around my heart so thick someday that no one will be able to find me.”

They are both crying silently. Tears fall, and the silence hangs over them. Blaine soon maneuvers them so he can lay between Kurt’s legs and rest his head on Kurt’s chest—pressing his open palm over Kurt’s heart so that he can feel his heartbeat. 

“Kurt, you love so deeply. You have so much love to give. I can understand why once you are able to love someone with all your heart, letting them in, that you would be scared of losing them. But you are so compassionate and loyal to those you love. I don’t think you could ever lose your heart completely behind any wall. You are aware that it’s there. Keep being aware. Make sure it’s not getting too tall. You told me earlier we’d find ways to cope with our fears. We will, for this too, okay, sweetheart?”

“I know you’re right. And please, you do need to understand that this is just that darkest scary part of my mind or heart, that is why it’s my biggest fear. Most of the time, I’m so grateful to wake up each new day, to know what a privilege it is to be close to those we love while we can. Family means more to me now than it ever did. I love my dad and my step-mother. I appreciate them probably more than I ever would have without knowing the loss. I know that these experiences change us, that you can move forward after a loss. We are capable of surviving and healing. I do know these things most of the time, but there is always that lurking that nagging feeling back there, you know?”

“Yes, I do know that very well. Sometimes I wish it would take a vacation for a few weeks. And I also know, Kurt Hummel, that you are an incredible man that is not afraid to talk about the difficult truths about life, and I love you so much for it. Thank you for constantly showing me how to be brave and how to face all of these feelings. Love you, honey.”  
  
“I love you, too. And we’ll work on my fear the same as yours. I think talking to the counselor about our deep-seated fear of losing each other and what we can do to not live from that place will be good for me, too.”

“I agree, love. Are you feeling okay? Do you feel a little lighter? Or are you feeling like it’s still heavy right now? I want to make sure we’re both okay before we wrap up this conversation. Don’t you think we should be done for now? I would like to ponder what we’ve already talked about before we add anything else?” 

“I feel better. I might not say lighter, but it's a good feeling to have it out. And yeah, if you’re okay to be done, I am for sure. I think we dealt with a lot today, and we did it exceptionally well.”

“We did, for sure. And Kurt, before we get up, I want you to know that I love you and your dreams are very important to me. I do want a family. We’ll talk about this more during conversation five, I know. But I couldn’t let you get up without you knowing that I am so grateful you shared your dream to have a family with me. I could feel how important it is to you. And that you’ve kept it safe, so close to your heart all this time? It is beautiful, painful at times, I’m sure, but it’s beautiful, Kurt.” He pushes himself up enough on Kurt’s chest to be able to kiss him with all the love and care he hopes to convey. 

Kurt pulls away with a big smile on his face. “Mr. Anderson, do you suppose we could take this to the magical fort you built for me? I do believe we have at least two hours before we have other engagements, my good sir?” 

“It would be my great honor, Mr. Hummel. Shall we then?” He says with a devilish grin as he gets off the couch and offers his arm to Kurt.

“We shall indeed.” 

\----~---------------------~---

In a fort made out of sheets, in a loft not far from Central Park, a curly-haired man is lying on his stomach. His hands stretched out far above his head, gripping the edge of the mattress. His eyes are fluttering open and closed, heart pounding like thunder in his chest as the love of his life is fulfilling his whispered promise to kiss every single inch of his body. He feels worshiped, appreciated, desired, and loved. Kurt’s glossy lips and his wet-hot tongue would continue having their way with him until they were satisfied they had done a thorough job. Blaine wonders what in the world he ever did to deserve a man such as Kurt, but he hopes he can continue to be worthy of him.

  
Their day had been perfect so far. Making out so often and so much his lips hurt, exploring sex together several more times—he’d never come so many times in twenty-four hours. There was also an in-depth conversation that has you pondering for days, and meeting Kurt’s parents. They were glad to meet him. They earnestly wanted to know about his life, and he was very excited to get to know them better too. They seemed like genuine, loving, down to earth people who accept you for you are. And their love for Kurt? Even through a screen, the love and affection they all had for each other was tangible. What a beautiful family, to have lived through so much tragedy, and it only brought them closer together. 

Family. Kurt’s biggest dream and deepest fear. Family. Family. Family. The word echoes around his mind and heart. Family. _With Kurt, you can have a real family. Full of love and kindness. Saturday morning cartoons. Sunday night waffles. Hugs after fights. I love yous freely given. Water balloon battles. First stitches. New traditions. Vacations. Sibling rivalry. First girlfriends or boyfriends. Curfews broken. Soccer practice. And singing around the piano_. Family.

Finally.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warnings for this Chapter:** Marking, Claiming, Cum tasting, Unprotect sex between committed partners
> 
> Authors Notes: (Are these helpful or fun—or just distracting?) I tried to tell Kurt that couldn’t be his biggest fear. But he told me it was and that I had better start writing. I had to apologize to him before my muse would come back. 
> 
> \------  
> You can find artwork (and aesthetics aka "mood boards") and other related posts to this chapter on my Tumblr page [GleefulPoppet](https://gleefulpoppet.tumblr.com/), I'll be adding things over the next month. I try to add the moodboard to the chapter each night as well.
> 
> [Click Here to See Larger on Tumblr](https://gleefulpoppet.tumblr.com/image/632470744466587648)


	16. Tuesday: Suddenly the World Seems Such a Perfect Place

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Word Count: 6300k [Warnings can be found in the notes if you need them]

“Good morning, Sunshine.”

“Morning my Honey Bee.”

“I want my morning kisses.”

“ _Mmmm_.”

“If I cook you a delicious breakfast, and we eat it in a magical fort, and we have a delightful conversation, and I kiss you silly before I leave for school—does that count as my date for today? I can’t believe I’m not going to see you tonight and I don't want to miss one.”  
  
“I think that we can definitely count that as a date, but let’s cook together. And yeah, I’m trying to not be a pouty teenager here, but I am going to miss you so much after being with you the last thirty-three hours straight.”

“I wish the world would pause for a few days so we could stay here for a while longer.”

“I know baby, me too. If it would help you, and not distract from your show, you are welcome to stay here again since you aren’t getting done with school until so late? You can sleep in the extra bedroom if you want so I don’t distract you. It will save you a couple of hours without having to commute tonight and then back again in the morning, right?”

“You really wouldn’t mind? I have all my school stuff and my suit for tomorrow is at school, so, wow, yeah. That actually might be really helpful, honey, but…” 

“But what, sweetheart?”

“Do you think we can leave the fort up until after my show tomorrow? Can we just keep living this dream for a few more days together? It’s actually helping me stay calm through the stress and all these ‘too big, too soon’ feelings I’ve been having.” 

“My love, I will leave this fort up until the end of time if it makes you happy. But yes, of course, we can leave it up until after your show. And sweetheart, love of mine, sunshine of my life, I’m way too exhausted to take it all down today anyway. I think I may try to work from home today even. You have thoroughly worn me out in all the best ways possible.”

“Is that so?”

“It most definitely is so. You are an incredible lover, Kurt Hummel.”

“ _Mmmm_ , well thank you, honey,” he has a mischievous grin on his face which quickly turns sultry as he slides up to whisper into Blaine’s ear. “And just think, yesterday was only my first few times. I imagine I’ll only keep getting better, right?” He exhales a deep breath and small moan into Blaine’s ear and starts biting at the lobe. “And I was wondering if we could take this,” he reaches down and rubs Blaine’s erection, “to your resort-worthy shower and you could let me go down on you? It’s just that—you’re so damn big—and I need all the practice I can get, honey. Or are you too exhausted?” He moans again (if only Blaine could see the silly grin on his face, working Blaine up is just too much fun), brushing his fingertips across Blaine’s cock. 

Blaine has goosebumps all over his body, he shivers once before he rolls them over and dives into Kurt’s mouth for more morning kisses. “Shower, now, yes,” he manages to mumble out. All the while he’s thinking, _He loves doing this to me, taking me apart, turning me on until I’m out of my mind wanting him. I really have no idea what I’m in for, do I? When he gains the confidence in sex he has in the other areas of his life... Have mercy on my soul. I may become unhinged with the euphoria of it all._

Forty-five minutes later, two very sated men are in the kitchen dressed for the day and cooking breakfast together. When they climb into the fort to eat Kurt decides to bring up something he’s been thinking about off and on this morning.

“Blaine, do you think we’re copping out on our dates? I mean, I know we said this counted but are we rushing through them just to get through them? Or do you feel like they have been meaningful? I just wonder if we are selling ourselves short? I know there are complications and other factors, I just wanted to maybe talk about it a minute?”

“We can talk about it, of course, we can. But is there more? What aren’t you saying?”

“Nothing specific, honey. Just on the one hand when I envisioned the date agreement that night I pictured it taking a while. Remember I said we could do it over weeks or even months? I mean, I hoped it would be at least weekly. Anyway, the point is, with the complication of not being able to go out on dates where we would normally take dates, and how freaking busy I’ve been with school and your work dinners, we’ve fit a lot in so little time, right?”

“Yes, we have. But, I don’t think I’m understanding what you are getting at, Kurt.”

“Neither do I to be honest. On the one hand, we’ve spent more time together in the last ten days than most people starting out dating would probably spend in a month or more—and definitely talked more than most people. I don’t know how you feel, but you haven’t gotten on my nerves once. I miss you when you aren’t around, but I’m still happy doing my school work and my job for the most part—”

Blaine has to chime in.“You haven’t gotten on my nerves at all, either. I want you to know that. And I miss you too, so much when we’re apart. But we’re still being responsible. Getting our work done, supporting each other in getting it done, right?”

“Yes, we have. And, I still feel like there are a million conversations to have and things to know about you and I love being together. But on the other hand, is there any merit to us being apart for a week in between dates and pining for each other? The thought of it makes my stomach turn, but I guess I’m doing a check-in. Are we rushing through our dates to get through them, or are we fine with the fast lane pace of it?”

“Okay, Kurt. First, thank you. It’s good to check-in. But maybe the real topic of discussion here is that we need to redefine what it means to get through our fifteen dates? Originally we agreed on fifteen so that we could give ourselves a fair chance. You were giving me space to work out my ‘complicated life’ and trying to assure that we didn't give up on each other before we even had a real chance to start.”

Kurt nods affirmatively. 

“And last night, after just ten dates, sweetheart, we had the beginnings of a very serious discussion about starting a family together in the future.” Blaine marvels at the sweet blush that travels up Kurt’s neck, through his cheeks, and settles in the dimples from his huge smile. 

He nods again and says, “We did.”

“My point here is that I don’t think getting through those fifteen dates means the same now as it did when you fought to give us that chance.”

“Yeah, that is a good point, I just—” Kurt doesn’t finish his thought and leaves it hanging in the open.

“Do you remember what you said to me about the dates, Kurt? You said, and I quote, ‘Something wonderful may happen, something we can’t even anticipate.’ I remember it word for word because I wanted it to be true. I saw us fifteen dates down the line as at least tentative boyfriends and I wanted that outcome instead of the alternative, which was walking away from each other even as friends.”

Kurt simply nods that he remembers and understands what Blaine is saying.

“And Kurt? Something wonderful has happened and the part we couldn't anticipate? Was just how fast it did happen.” 

“It did—it did happen so fast didn’t it, bee?”

“Honey, what’s wrong. I can tell something is bothering you.” Blaine takes their breakfast plates from their laps, they’re mostly empty, but they haven’t touched them the last few minutes anyway. He pushes them outside of the fort opening and turns back around sitting crossed legged, pulling Kurt into his lap. Kurt resting his head on Blaine’s shoulder, enjoying the feeling of warmth and love radiating from Blaine’s touch as he rubs his back.

“I swear on the stars above I have no idea, Blaine. Something is just sitting weird with me. It’s not wrong, there’s just something, I don’t know—there’s like this, I just have no idea. Can we just sit here a minute, please?”

“Whatever you need, honey. I’m right here.”

After a few minutes, Kurt breaks the silence. “Oh, damn Blaine. It’s a tangled web we’ve woven. Tentative boyfriends that is exactly it.”

Blaine lets out a confused sound that is equal parts worried and curious.

“What are we, Blaine?”

“Soulmates,” Blaine says without hesitation.

“And yet, we’re still on a path to decide if we are going to be tentative boyfriends? Maybe we do need to redefine what these dates mean because my soulbond does not like this denial. It’s like, on the one hand, we’re bound by something that we can’t even begin to describe. What started out as a string tethering our hearts together when we bumped into each other in the shop is now an iron cable. So while we talk of forever and having a family, there is still a part of us trying to get through fifteen dates to decide if we want to be boyfriends? That is a crazy divide for my brain and heart to reconcile?”

“Okay, baby, so we redefine what the dates mean. Do you want to be boyfriends? I have no problem with that. I promise you I’m trying to understand what you are telling me but I’m just not getting it, Kurt.”

“I know, me either, Blaine! It’s a huge tangled web of everything. What we know for sure is that we love each other. What we want is forever. And yet we’re under these ridiculous societal norms or something that says we’re being irrational and crazy and taking it all too fast. But you know what...they aren’t wrong, I guess. Because on the other hand. I don't want to rely on the soulmate bond alone for our future. I know it’s real and I’m going to go batshit crazy defending it if I have to because it’s the most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. We’ve talked about how Friday was the choice and if we’d get out our own way our soulbond would make it so easy for us to love each other. And I think we have. Look at us Blaine. It did happen so fast but I don’t want to become complacent and assume we can rely on that for our future happiness. 

“I want to make sure we fall in love the normal way, too. It’s easy to say you love someone, but do you like them? I know you love me, but do you like me? I don’t want to rush these dates and get in the habit of staying home and then we go out and we find out we don't like the way we are in public together. What if I am weird to your friends and I embarrass you? What if I demean you in public or to your assistant? What if your family hates me and they pressure you to—What if...Oh my, hell! My mind is a mess this morning—because, again, on the other hand, if we don’t get through these fifteen dates and claim what we are emotionally like we did physically, I can’t take it Blaine I want to—” 

Blaine cuts him off, by kissing him, hard. Kurt was working himself up into some sort of panic. He could feel Kurt’s heart racing and his skin was getting warmer. He had to do something. He pushes Kurt backward out of his lap and straddles him, putting his hand over Kurt’s heart. With the other hand, he brushes Kurt’s face a few times. 

“Look at me, Kurt. What, what do you want? Don’t filter yourself and tell me. From the deepest desire of your heart, let it out. What do you want?” 

“I want to go home and get my clothes and steal half your closet space and some drawers in your bedroom. I want your spare key to be mine. I want forever with you, Blaine Anderson, and my heart will not be at peace until we decide that it has started. I know why these dates are important, we have to finish them. I want to finish them. We’ve come so far, we’ve learned so much. And we have to have the next two milestone conversations. They are so vital to our future, I know that. But, Blaine, I cannot deny what I want. I want to sleep in your bed until it becomes ours. I want our underwear to get mixed up in the washing machine. I want to become a better lover with you and for you. I want to cook us breakfast. I want to get in our first fight and make up. I want to sing duets with you every night when we get home. I want you to hold me when I’m sad. I want to wipe away your tears when you are overwhelmed. I want to walk in on you boxing—with sweat dripping down your back and you catch me drooling. I want forever, Blaine, and my heart is not being patient about it at all.”

“Okay then.”

“Okay then—what, Blaine?” Kurt’s eyes go wide, his face turns pale.

“We’ll go get your clothes whenever you are ready. Today, next Friday, three weeks from now, and I’ll make space for you in the closet.”

“You can’t be serious?”

“Why? I _am_ serious, Kurt.”

Kurt pushes at Blaine's hip to get him off of his lap, scrambles to get out from under Blaine, and crawls out of the fort. Blaine quickly follows him out. Kurt looks like a rabbit ready to bolt.

“Look, Kurt. What if we do this? We already talked about you staying with me for the next two nights. Why don’t you just stay with me through Sunday instead? Because no matter what counts or doesn’t count as a date we only have four left and we should be able to finish them by then right?”

Kurt nods, tentatively. He’s biting his lip and his hands are crossed over his stomach, gripping his sides.

“Do you want to stay with me, Kurt? You don’t have to, of course, you don’t, but I want you here if you want to be here.”

“Yes, I want to stay with you.”

“Okay, so you’ll stay. We’ll figure out when we can go get some more of your things okay? Maybe Thursday morning Isabelle would let you go in a little late and we can go then. I want you to know Kurt—” he walks over to him. “Can I hug you or do you need some space for a minute, honey?” 

Kurt throws himself into Blaine’s arms, holding him tightly, he’s shaking. Blaine rubs his hands up and down his back.

“Kurt, I want you to know that you are it for me. I want you to know that I will claim you emotionally in whatever way you need me to. The dates, the conversations, they are just the steps to get where we’ve already decided to go—it’s the foundation we’re building, the tangible bricks of this dream we both want. But, Kurt, we already have the blueprint. It’s been approved by the architect. We’re simply building the reality of it now, and that takes time in the realm we live in. That is what our journal and the dates are for, they are the steps to get us there.

“But where you are concerned, I don't need more time to think. The dates aren’t what I’m waiting for. There is only now—this moment, and I unequivocally choose you, Kurt Hummel. You are my soulmate. You are my boyfriend. You are my future fiancé. You are my future husband. You are the future father to our children. You are the future grandad to our grandkids. You are my forever. It’s just that easy if we’ll let it be. And I finally understand that now.”

“After everything you’ve been through, that doesn’t terrify you, Blaine? You can just hold me like you are now and give me forever, just like that?”

“It doesn’t terrify me, Kurt. Not anymore. I choose to trust and love you through everything. Now that I know what this feels like—to hold true love in my arms, to actually know what it means to be loved, it’s the easiest choice I’ve ever made.

“We have this moment to choose, and we’ll choose each other every moment of every day until it’s been our forever. For the record, I like you a lot, a whole lot, and I also think we are falling in love the normal way too, baby. Think of the spreadsheet you made, the two hundred questions we’ve probably answered, and all of our conversations, we know more about each other than anyone and we’re still here. Isn’t that what love is? We’ll wake up each day knowing we have chosen and we will keep choosing each other. If we never lose sight of that, we’ll never become complacent. Maybe this is how soulmates are made in the first place, Kurt? 

“Maybe we already chose each other every time there was a choice to make for eons. We’ve both felt that this has been going on longer than just the time we’ve had in this life. Maybe this is the millionth lifetime we’ve chosen each other on a random Tuesday morning in October. We have an eternity behind us and forever in front of us one choice at a time. But even if it’s the first time or the millionth, today, right now in this kitchen, I choose you, Kurt Hummel—everything else is just bricks and details.”

“I choose you, too, Blaine. In this moment, I choose you, too. I love you so much. And for the record, I like you, too.”  
  
“I’m the luckiest man alive for it, too. I love you, Sunshine.”

Kurt slowly rubs his cheek against Blaine’s, feeling the texture of his freshly shaven face. He loves how it sends shivers down his spine. He turns his jaw slightly until their lips are barely touching at the corners, Blaine’s hands tighten around his waist. He brings his hand up to Blaine’s face to cup his cheek, his forefinger rubbing his cheekbone. He turns to brush his lips several times over his; warm puffs of air shared between the humidity from their mouths. “I love you,” whispered sincerely. Then another press of the lips, a peaceful feeling sweeps over them. More pressure builds as the kiss deepens, a desire to show their commitment and passion. Kurt is sucking on his top lip, while Blaine swipes his tongue sweetly across the sting of the last bite on Kurt’s bottom lip. In this moment, a choice to be fully present in the now. Their words and this kiss have vanished all the uncertainty between them. They know who they are. They have chosen. Forever.

“And as much as I’d love to hold you all day, or drag you into that fort and kiss you for hours, I made a promise to support you in your obligations. So I’m going to go call for a car for you, okay? So you can get to school on time. And if you want, we can throw some of the clothes you already have here in the washing machine and I’ll take care of it. We’ll let our underwear get all mixed up—we’ll really be living the dream!” Blaine snickers and it tickles Kurt’s ear. 

Kurt kisses him on the nose. “Thank you. I love you. I’ll go get my stuff ready for school and the laundry I have. I probably won’t be home until ten or so, depending on how all the last alterations go and if they got the lighting fixed for the show.” 

“I’ll be here and I’ll take care of getting your information added to my building agreement so that the doorman and receptionist know you are free to come and go as you please, okay? I’ll get you a keycard for the elevator, too, alright?”

“Thank you, my Honey Bee.”

They rest their heads together for a few stolen moments, it’s their thing. It centers them, takes them back to the day they met on 5th Avenue. They take deep, cleansing breaths in sync.

“I feel amazingly calm, at peace, whole, Blaine. Do you?”

“I do, baby. I feel like everything is going to work out, one moment at a time.”

“One moment at a time,” Kurt says as he kisses Blaine’s forehead with a big exaggerated ‘ _mwahhh_ ’ and walks away with a huge grin to get ready for school. 

\------------------------------

 _10:13 AM  
_ K: Oh my gosh. I need a paper bag to wear over my head  
 **B: What? Why?  
** K: I’ve had at least 3 people ask me what I did on my day off that has me so happy  
 **B: LOL  
** K: I can’t decide if that means I’m actually snarky most of the time or if I need a t-shirt that says, “Hey, I just had sex!”  
 **B: Oh and here I was thinking it was because our underwear are all tangled up in the washing machine  
** K: Oh well, yes, of course, there is that

 _11:06 AM  
_ K: Are you working from home?  
 **B: Yeah, I decided it might be better ;)  
** K: You're in more pain than you’re telling me aren’t you?  
 **B: Baby don’t. I’m sore, but I’m fine, ok? I could work from home today so I am.  
** K: I love you, honey, and I’m just worried about you-- we didn't exactly take it easy  
 **B: And I loved every minute of it  
** K: Me too [change the subject please, inappropriate thoughts @ school not helping]  
 **B: For tomorrow you said you had two tickets left, right? Would you care if I brought someone from our Public Image & Styling department? I want her to see your work  
**K: Umm really?  
 **B: Yes really, Kurt I told you, you are insanely talented  
** K: *blush* Well ty, dear  
 **B: I’ll get to actually spend time with you if I have someone with me under the pretense you are being introduced to each other  
** K: Well hooray for that then  
 **B: :) Okay I’ll talk to her**

 _12:30 PM  
_ K: I just finished up class headed to Vogue. Love you   
**B: Be safe. Love you!**

 _1:11 PM  
_ K: I guess it’s the T-shirt then  
 **B: LOL more comments?  
** K: Isabelle “You’re glowing Kurt! Why are you glowing? What has you so happy?” and then she deadpan stops, looks me up and down, and says “Oh. Ohhhhh. Yes, well good for you honey!”  
K: Seriously!? I’m crimson red and want to crawl under my desk—sometimes being good friends with your boss is not the best thing  
 **B: I wish I could tell you I wasn’t laughing, but I so am  
** K: Just for that, you have to feed me. I’m starving so busy here can’t leave  
 **B: I’m on it.  
** K: Wait, seriously?  
 **B: Yup, I’ll get something delivered to your desk okay? And I’ll order a little extra so you can eat before you go back to school  
** K: I was kidding but, you are the best boyfriend ever! TY, sweetheart  
 **B: Oh I’ll get the best boyfriend t-shirt, you get the sex t-shirt. We’ll cause a riot  
** K: Not sure that is the best way to come out publicly  
 **B: Too true, too true. ;) Text me if you need anything else ok? I want to help with your show any way I can  
** K: Thanks love -- meeting. Talk to you later

 _2:21 PM_  
K: THANK YOU for lunch! That was delish  
 **B: My pleasure**

 _5:38  
_ **B: How’s it going? Did you get to school safe?  
** K: Yeah just got here, traffic was… *deep breaths*  
 **B: You got this, baby!**  
K: I’m going to dive in, so I can get home as soon as humanly possible  
 **B: Home**  
K: Home  
 **B: I love you. Your fort, a loving boyfriend, and a huge glass of ice-cold water will be waiting for you  
** K: You spoil me, Blaine. Thank you. I can’t wait  
 **B: <3 Not spoiling you. Pampering you like you deserve**

 _10:07  
_ K: We just got done. It’s so late heading home. Called a car  
 **B: I can’t wait to hold you. See you soon**

\------------------------------

When Kurt walks into the building he’s nervous. Did Blaine put him on the list? Does he need to stop at the receptionist? He grips the door key in his hand as if it’s a lifeline to Blaine upstairs. All the worrying, as per usual, turned out to be needless. The receptionist looked up and said, “Good evening, Mr. Hummel. I’ll buzz the elevator for you as I believe Mr. Anderson has requested an elevator swipe card for you, and it won’t be ready until tomorrow.”

“Thank you so much, Trent. Have an amazing night.”

On the way up the elevator, he thinks about how the last time he went up in it he had his first kiss with Blaine, and how was that only a few days ago? Now his name is on a very exclusive list of people who have free reign to come and go as they please in the building. _When I was trying to talk to Blaine this morning this isn’t what I was trying to get from it. I just needed a way to get past the idea that the fifteen date mark was some sort of turning point when I feel like we’ve already had so many. But this is actually exactly what I needed. No more uncertainty. We made our choice. We have claimed each other. We belong to each other. I’ve never felt more sure about anything. And I will keep choosing Blaine every chance I get._

When he arrives on the floor he has another awkward moment. Blaine is home. Should he knock? Should he use his key? He decides to do both, he knocks while twisting the key in the door and calls out, “Honey, I’m home!” in a silly sing-song voice. 

Before he knows what’s hit him, he has a face full of raven-colored curls and he’s pressed up against the door with a few warm kisses to the side of his neck. “Do you need space for a little while or can I keep going?” Blaine mumbles between kisses on his neck, up his jaw and face. 

“Don’t you dare stop!” 

“I missed you. How did it go?” he kisses into Kurt’s skin after each word.

“Umm,” he can’t think straight with the way Blaine is all over him. “Fine... good... ready for tomorrow.”

Blaine somehow manages to get Kurt’s school bag over his head and onto the floor, and now he’s got two hands working to get Kurt’s belt undone. “Shoes... take off your shoes.” 

Kurt tries to get enough leverage leaning against the door to get them off. Blaine has untucked his shirt now and is doing his best to get the buttons undone. Kurt realizes that Blaine is wearing the gorgeous blue sweater he stole, “You've been wearing _my_ sweater all day?” he asks with a teasing tone as he lifts it off over his head, interrupting Blaine’s valiant attempt at the sea of buttons on Kurt’s shirt.

“Mmmm. I washed it and thought I better wear it again so it would smell like me. Really it’s a gift for you,” Blaine moans in triumph when he finally gets Kurt’s shirt off and starts kissing and making tiny bite marks across his bare chest.

“So thoughtful.” Kurt’s running his fingers all over Blaine’s back, his warm skin is making his mouth water. Blaine is now doing his best to get Kurt’s pants off, with a little help from Kurt they are finally laying on the floor.

Blaine grabs Kurt’s face with both his hands and starts kissing him, it doesn’t even start out sweet and innocent. It goes directly to “you are so hot and I want you now” mode, which Kurt reciprocates with equal vigor. 

After a good ten minutes and some added intense groping, Blaine finally pulls away. “Oh geez, honey. That was _not_ part of the plan. I was going to give you some space to unwind and I had a little surprise for you.”

“Well, I’m glad you didn't give me any space. That was so hot and exactly what I needed. I’m not sure why we stopped? Oh wait—surprise? What surprise? Honey, you’ve already spoiled me today with lunch and the cars and—” 

“Come on!” Blaine’s still wearing his navy blue pajama bottoms and Kurt is in his black boxer briefs that aren’t hiding just how much he loved Blaine not giving him any space. When they arrive in the kitchen, Kurt inhales sharply. The main lights are off or dimmed, the twinkle lights from around the fort are putting on a show of shadow and tiny spotlights on the ceiling and walls. On the kitchen island stands a bouquet of gorgeous fall flowers, orange and peach roses, yellow Chrysanthemums, red daisies, and a few sunflowers dancing among the greenery in different textures and colors, held in a crystal clear, square vase. “Oh Blaine, those are gorgeous, but what are they for?”

Blaine points at the little card tucked into the flowers with a shy grin. 

_You are worthy of your dreams. So proud of you._ _  
__Good luck at your show. I’m cheering for you now and always._

_I choose you now and forever._

_All my love,_ _  
__\- Blaine_

For the second time today, Kurt flings himself into Blaine’s arms in the kitchen. “Thank you, bee. So beautiful, thank you.”

“You’re welcome, love. I know you are going to be brilliant tomorrow. Now, are you ready for the next part?”

“There’s more? Honey, I—”

“Please just let me pamper you tonight. Your show is a big deal. Come on.” Blaine pulls Kurt into the fort with him. Inside there is a huge fluffy white towel laying on the bed and a basket with massage oil and different essential oils. “There’s a glass of water for you to drink before we start, and a snack if you want to eat first, but will you let me give you a massage?”

Kurt is feeling overwhelmed. He wonders how he could possibly deserve someone like Blaine. And of course, those traitorous tear ducts betray his feelings. “I love you so much, Blaine Anderson.” He starts to drink the water that Blaine handed him. 

“I love you, too, Sunshine. Now take off your underwear.” He laughs as Kurt raises an eyebrow at him. “What? I plan to be very thorough with my massage!” he feigns a look of innocence. 

“Uh-huh, well I look forward to the fulfillment of that promise.” 

Blaine leans over and kisses the few rogue salty tears on Kurt’s cheeks, helps him off with his underwear, and lays him down belly first on the towel. Once he is sure Kurt is settled and comfortable he grabs the oils. 

“This might smell strong, but it’s frankincense and lavender oils. They’ll help you relax, Olivia has taught me a lot.” He drizzles fractionated coconut oil all over his back and drips a few drops of the essential oils. Rubbing his hands together for a few seconds to warm them up, he slowly mixes the oils. Massaging them deep into each muscle, he alternates presses hard with his palms and then lightly brushing his fingertips up and down his back. He strokes up and down his arms, rubs the back of his neck, then pulls his palms all the way down his spine a few more times. He can feel and see Kurt’s breathing even by the rise and fall of his shoulder blades and can feel him relax as he glides over his skin. _Damn, he’s beautiful_. He scoots off of his hips sliding down his thighs so he can massage even deeper on his lower back, buttocks, and thighs. When he’s satisfied that Kurt seems as relaxed as possible, he leans over and starts kissing all the way up his spine, small firm presses of his lips. “I love you, Kurt.”

He then lightly pulls on his hips to turn him over drizzling more of the oils on Kurt’s chest. He massages with his fingers spreading the oils broadly in large circles. Blaine can feel the heat starting to rise from Kurt’s skin. He’s awakening from his relaxed state from the back massage and a hungry, wanting energy seems to surround them now. Blaine watches mesmerized as Kurt’s cock swells from mildly interested to rigid arousal. He trails his fingers down, brushes over his length a few times. With his other hand, he finds the oil and manages to pour more of it all over the hand now stroking Kurt, which has them both making involuntary noises of want. 

“Blaine, please. Honey, please.” 

Blaine manages to get his pajama pants off and then spreads Kurt’s legs apart. He kneels between them and gently lays down on top of Kurt, sliding their chests together a few times. Eventually, he braces himself with one hand by Kurt’s head, rising up, locking his elbow. With the other hand, he lines up their cocks and tries to hold them together. He starts pulling, but it’s not enough, his hand is too small for both. Kurt reaches down and holds them together on the other side, following the pace Blaine set. They're both moaning, small grunts of pleasure mixed with oil, desire, and love. Whispers of how good they make each other feel, I love yous, and a few choice words are all that is spoken between them. They are lost in their bodies' friction, the warm oil, and sweat, making it slippery and elusive as they chase after their release together. Eventually, Blaine lets go, placing his other hand on the side of Kurt’s head too, giving him leverage to grind hard and desperate. 

Kurt slips his other hand between them to replace where Blaine was holding them together. “Oh, my holy hell!” Blaine finally lets out. 

“More, yes! Baby, more!” Kurt answers back.

“Kurt, Kurt, Kurt! Oh, damn baby, I’m going to come!” 

Kurt’s answer is a loud moan and a thrust of his hips up into Blaine’s as he comes hard, spilling over both of them. “Bllllaaaaainnne! Blaine!—Baby, come with me!” 

Blaine’s answer is a loud guttural moan combined with stuttering breaths. Kurt can feel his release hot and wet all over him, it sends a second shockwave of want through his entire body. He knows he needs to come again, the things Blaine makes him feel are overwhelming.

Blaine collapses on top of him, trying to breathe, “Damn baby,” he can barely get out. 

But Kurt can’t control himself. He’s on fire. He doesn’t want to stop and he needs to come again, now. “Blaine! Please, Blaine!” he gets out in a resounding whisper as he thrusts up against Blaine’s body. 

It takes a second for Blaine to realize that Kurt is still rock hard and throbbing between them. _Holy freaking hell, he needs to go again._ Blaine grabs Kurt’s shoulders and rolls them over, wrapping his legs around Kurt's waist. Kurt goes to his knees, leaning forward to brace one hand on Blaine’s chest over his heart. With his other hand, he starts frantically pulling on his cock. “Oh, hell Blaine. Blaine. Blaine. So damn hot—want—please, oh—now!” Blaine leans up on his elbows stretching as far as he can to meet Kurt’s mouth, Kurt bends his elbow where he’s holding himself up and meets Blaine’s lips in a searing kiss. Their lips and tongues locked in a perfect dance, one sucking slightly on the other’s until the other can’t take it and sweeps in to take over, taking turns until Kurt can’t breathe. He pulls back and gasps for breath, his hand moving faster over his cock. Blaine tightens his legs around Kurt's waist, swipes his fingers through the mess on their chest from earlier, reaches down between them, rubbing the skin around Kurt’s balls. “Bllaaaaine... I’m, I’m... Ooooo Oh my —!” he yells quietly as he paints Blaine’s chest once again, then collapses hard onto him. 

Blaine wraps his arms around his back. Kurt digs his fingers into Blaine’s side, he’s breathing heavy, incoherent mumbling about how amazing it was as he tries to ground himself back to reality. 

\----~---------------------~---

An hour later a freshly showered curly-haired man is sound asleep spooned in the arms of the man he chose today, now, and forever. There is no more uncertainty about their future, it has been said out loud—claimed in words with nothing left unsaid. Everything else will go in the journal to be worked on—one step at a time, bricks and details building the blueprint of their lives. He knows not all of it will be easy, but he’s never been more willing to try. And anything they have to go through will be worth the price to have this love they share between them.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warnings for this Chapter:** Brief mention size kink, Grinding, Implied blow job 
> 
> \------  
> You can find artwork (and aesthetics aka "mood boards") and other related posts to this chapter on my Tumblr page [GleefulPoppet](https://gleefulpoppet.tumblr.com/), I'll be adding things over the next month. And I try to add the artwork to the chapter each night as well.
> 
> [Click Here to See Larger on Tumblr](https://gleefulpoppet.tumblr.com/image/632534962468519936)


	17. Wednesday: My Heart Stops When You Look at Me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Word Count: 4300k [There are no warnings for this Chapter]

“Rise and shine, sleepyhead,” Blaine purrs into Kurt’s ear.

“ _Mdjfhadmdifhaduhhe!_ ”

Blane laughs at the very coherent response from Kurt. “I have coffee, and breakfast sandwiches delivered fresh from the bakery down the street!” he says in a teasing voice, trying to lure Kurt into consciousness.

“ _Ughghgh_! Blaine! You are doing too much for me!” Kurt says irritably, with a small growl slipping out at the end.

Blaine’s face goes white as a sheet, and he pulls back from Kurt. “Oh, honey, I’m sorry. It’s just your show—I was just trying to...” 

Kurt’s eyes fly open when he realizes how Blaine might have taken what he said. “Blaine! Sorry, no, please come back here. I didn’t mean it like that. Baby, please?”

Blaine is hesitant, he still looks pale, but he scoots back over. Kurt crawls into his lap, straddling him. “I’ve never been so spoiled, and it takes some getting used to when you’ve been on your own for so long. And I’ve been so busy I feel like I haven’t reciprocated and I was still half asleep. Baby, you are amazing, and I really am sorry if it sounded like I was unappreciative or snapping at you.”

Blaine nods against Kurt’s chest. He’s still feeling the sting. Kurt’s comment hit him right where he’s most vulnerable in their relationship right now. _Oh my hell, I’m already smothering him!_

“I love you, Blaine. Thank you for taking such good care of me. And if you’ll let me, I’ll give you all the morning kisses you want, and I won’t even reach over there and grab the peppermint oil.”

Blaine chuckles at that but doesn’t lift his head.

“I’m going to take a wild guess here and assume that your second love language is acts of service?” Kurt asks.

Blaine finally looks up, one eye up in a questioning gaze, he nods yes. Kurt kisses him on the nose.

“I promise you, Blaine, that my comment came unfiltered from my own insecurities and wasn’t a reflection of your behavior at all. Please tell me you understand that? I feel selfish and self-centered. You offered me the world yesterday, and I ran off to my show and job, and everything has been all about me, me, me. Then I finally came home and was pampered beyond my wildest dreams, those flowers, the massage, the sex. Then to wake up to more. I felt like I was swimming in a debt I couldn't repay. You are so amazing to me. It’s hard to wrap my mind around right now, especially since I just woke up. But Blaine, I appreciate it. All of it. And I don’t want you to have to be less than you are, or want to be, because of my insecurities. Please forgive me?”

“Of course I do. I just—that really, yeah, my own insecurities were having a field day, so thank you for explaining. But, Kurt, honey, I’m not keeping score. I don’t even understand what you mean by not reciprocating? We’ve had the most amazing few days together. You’re in the middle of a huge show, and yet you’ve somehow managed to make me a priority in your life the last ten days. I just wanted to make you feel special on your big day, honey. This isn’t about who is doing what and any debts that need to be kept track of. This is me doing what I can to support you. On another day, it will be you supporting me on my big day. That is how this works. We’ll be there for each other, always. Right? I don’t—ever want to keep score.”

“I don’t either, baby—maybe we need to put this in the journal, I know it’s something I need to work on. I love you so much. And you’re right. There will be a time I can spoil you like this too. Are we okay? Are you okay? Can I please kiss you senseless now before we go eat?” 

Blaine’s answer is to push Kurt forward out of his lap unto his back, grab his arms, and pin them to his side as he crawls up Kurt to meet his lips. Yes, morning kisses are Blaine’s favorite kind. Breakfast can wait.

\------------------------------

“I left the tickets for you on the counter. I can’t wait to see you tonight. I’ll meet you at the reception after, right? That’s okay?”

“Yes, honey, thank you. Tina and I will be there. And Kurt? If I could show the world how much I loved you tonight, I would. You know that, right?”

  
“I do know that, honey. This is my choice to keep it silent for now. I can’t lie. It’s going to be one of the hardest things I’ve ever done not to throw myself into your arms after the show is over. And my body and heart are not going to like the denial, but I am so grateful that you are coming. Thank you.”

“Love you, baby! Now go get em, Sunshine!” Blaine gives him a kiss he hopes will last until midnight.

\------------------------------

K: Blaine!  
 **B: Kurt!** **  
**K: I just opened my bag, thank you for the sweet note and the snacks/water  
 **B: :) You’re welcome.  
** K: I love you  
 **B: I love you, too  
** K: Have we mentioned lately that we’re ridiculous  
 **B: Not since we accidentally created a slip ‘n’ slide in the shower last night with excess shampoo ;)  
** K: You would have to bring that up  
 **B: Honey, I’m pretty sure you were the one that was up—and for the 3rd time in an hour, I might add  
** K: Freaking hell, Blaine. It’s all your fault.  
 **B: I’ll take all the blame with a smile on my face  
** K: Like I said...ridiculous  
 **B: The best kind  
** K: I hope you have a fantastic day at work-you still thinking about phoenixes?   
**B: TY, I will, and I have been. Nothing in particular, just the thought is always there. Text me if you need anything at all, okay? I can’t wait to see you  
** K: Love you, Honey Bee  
 **B: Love you, too**

\------------------------------

K: Just got off the phone with Mercedes  
 **B: How is she? Did you two catch up?  
** K: Yeah, didn't have long, but she called to wish me luck. She’s happy for us. She can’t wait to meet you  
 **B: I want to meet her, too. From what I hear, she’s something fierce on stage  
** K: Oh, she is. It’s so crazy to me you sort of know who she is. She’s my childhood friend. You know what I mean?  
 **B: I do, but Kurt, everyone is just someone’s childhood friend. That is what is so ridiculous about the fame stuff. We’re just all ordinary people  
** K: No, you aren’t. You are insanely talented at your craft and should be recognized  
 **B: Aww, well TY, honey. I have a feeling after tonight you are going to be joining the party of the famous soon enough  
** K: Oh, stop it. You have no idea how talented my classmates are  
 **B: Honey, if you only knew. I mean, I know you know that you have what it takes if you work hard. But Kurt, you are so damn talented, I don’t think you realize just how much  
** K: Well, geez Blaine, make a guy blush why don’t you. Thank you.   
**B: I’m not sure I’m doing my job right if I don’t make you blush at least once a day  
** K: How did I get so lucky to bump into you of all the people in the world?  
 **B: I ask myself that about you every single day, Kurt Hummel  
** K: Soulmates-->Boyfriends--->Best friends  
 **B: Now that is a t-shirt we should get. Love you, Sunshine! I’ve got a meeting, but I’ll check in soon.  
** K: Good luck!

\------------------------------

Kurt looks in the mirror one last time, fidgeting with a seam here and there, straightening his shirt for the twelfth time, taking deep breaths. He can hear the music thumping from the auditorium trying to get people excited. It seems to vibrate through his body, setting his heart beating too fast. 

His thoughts turn to Blaine, which immediately has his instincts seeking comfort by moving his head forward until it’s pressed against the glass of the mirror, a cold shock compared to the warmth and love he usually feels from touching Blaine. He will be here. Seeing him sitting out the audience will make all the difference. Deep breaths, in, out, in, out. He thinks about how this is half of his grade, but school will be easier from here moving forward, which also means more time with Blaine. A wide grin sweeps over his face. He can feel his cheeks move upwards. But more than any of that, it’s one step closer to their future. When December comes, they can be together anywhere they want (so long as they don’t mind a few people interrupting them and pictures if it happens to be a slow news day in gossip-land). 

Another deep breath. He walks over to the rack with his 18 best designs to showcase. He hopes that they are good enough. _No, don’t think like that, Kurt. Imagine the teachers and faculty being wowed. See them beam with pride. They taught me, tutored me, mentored me. They know I’ve put my heart and soul into this. I’ll go out there confidently, knowing I’ve done my absolute best. I just wish I wasn’t last._

He hears his phone vibrate in his bag.

**B: We’re here. We have excellent seats. I love you so much—you are going to be brilliant. I know you’re back there tugging on your sleeves and checking your pant seams--try to relax if you can. I’m sure you look gorgeous, and you’ve got this. So damn proud of you.**

K: You know me so well. Thank you for being here. I was just thinking about you. Love you. I won’t see my phone again until after.

**B: Love you!**

Backstage is pandemonium incarnate as the first three students and their models prepare to take the stage. Hairspray clouds choking lungs. Pins being hastily thrust into fabric. Staccato stampeding from shoes too ridiculous to walk in. Plastic rubbing against rubber. Silk swishing across the floor. Hypnotizing color blurred by movement. Chairs being scraped abruptly. Cursing mumbled in an undercurrent of frustration. The smell of fifty different shampoos and perfumes stinging noses. The faint taste of adrenaline in the air. It seems like anarchy. Yet this is the symphony of fashion. The chaos drives them to the runway, where they emerge on the catwalk, the epitome of poise, seriousness, and perfection.

He walks over to the entrance where a few of his classmates are also trying to catch a glimpse out into the crowd. It’s a packed house. Not only is this their senior show, but it’s the biggest fundraiser they have for the school as well. He wishes all of his classmates good luck before he heads back to his staging area. Each model set is working with several students, so he’ll start staging his models after the third student’s runway walk finishes. The commotion of chaos will descend upon his world all too soon, models, hairstylists, makeup artists, and first years who volunteer to assist, all there to bring his vision to life. 

He can hear the emcee start talking, introducing the show. The music is loud. It’s beginning. _Deep breath. I’ve got this. I’ve got this. Deep breath._ He walks over to the monitors they have backstage for people to see what is happening. He immediately makes a note that the makeup needs to be darker. The lighting out there with all those people has changed. He’s watching for anything else he needs to be aware of. And then, _Holy freaking hell, that’s Blaine! He did get good seats; someone must have known who he is. He’s right up front on the opposite side of the teachers. Oh damn, he looks so hot, damn, damn, damn. And—of course. Of course. WE MATCH! Geez!!! How do we manage to do this all the time? He’s never even seen this suit. I made sure not to show him. I love him so much. We are ridiculous—always matching clothes, I mean..._ _And wait. Is that...he’s wearing a bowtie. He wore a bowtie for me._ A tear slides down his cheek without his knowledge. Of all the marvelous experiences he’ll have tonight, he’s pretty sure this is the moment he’ll remember forever. 

He’s shaken out of it when he realizes his models are walking off next. The next forty minutes is a hurricane. He watches his designs slip through his fingers and come to life on the models. Makeup glides on eyes, cheeks, and lips to his satisfaction. Hairstylists are masterful in the execution of the hair they practiced on Sunday. He reminds everyone at least twenty times, “Mind your heels! Don’t rip the clothes!” 

Considering what could go wrong—didn’t, and how prepared they were, he feels oddly at peace. He’s done his best, and off they go to debut his creations to the world. He follows behind them. He’ll have to take a turn on the catwalk too. The music is pounding in his ears. He can hear the announcer introduce his collection. He hears applause, and then one by one, the men and women strut his designs out into the crowd to be judged and critiqued. When the last model hits the end of the catwalk, the announcer calls for Kurt, who walks out to a very enthusiastic crowd. He feels his neck warm-up and wishes he wouldn’t blush, but then he sees Blaine, cheering and clapping for him. He locks eyes with him for a moment, a silent, “I love you so much,” whispered with his eyes, which Blaine returns. He walks confidently down the catwalk and smirks a little when Blaine’s mouth drops when he sees Kurt suit. When he gets to the end of the catwalk, he does a slight hip bump to the side and then down to a bow. The applause is impressive. _I can’t be sure if they are cheering for me or because it’s over, but maybe going last wasn’t so bad._

The response after the show is more than he could have hoped. Hugs, handshakes, slaps on the back, people congratulating him everywhere he turns. Professors and professionals alike shower him with accolades. They tell him what a tremendous future in fashion he has to look forward to. Praise him for his impeccable style and vision. It’s a dizzying whirlwind of fulfillment and gratification. He did the best he could and it was well-received. 

When he turns around, he sees him. His heart whispers, _finally_. Blaine is walking towards him with a massive grin on his face. Kurt can’t help but return it, try as they might, there is no chance they can completely hide how they feel about each other. 

“Hello, Kurt,” he reaches out to shake his hand. They shake, but they squeeze each other’s hand extra hard to make up for the hug and kiss they can’t share here. Blaine brushes his fingertip once along Kurt’s wrist before he lets go. Kurt wonders how in the world something so simple can make him weak in the knees. 

“May I introduce Tina Cohen-Chang. She’s the head of Public Image and Styling at the studio. Tina, this is Kurt Hummel.” 

“It’s wonderful to meet you, Kurt. I was blown away with your collection out there tonight. Congratulations!” she says with a smile and extends her hand to meet Kurt’s.

“Wow, that is very kind of you, Tina. Thank you. It’s nice to meet you, too.” He shakes her hand, quickly taking in her appearance. She's beautiful, wearing a bold orange dress with a white stripe down the front. She has long dark-chocolate hair, deep-set brown eyes that sparkle, her skin is the color of cinnamon. She seems to radiate joy. For some reason, he can’t explain, he suddenly feels grateful to her for being in Blaine’s life. Surely she’s been a good friend to him the last few years. Blaine is relaxed and affectionate with her. 

“Blaine and I were just talking about how much we’ve missed out on by not coming to these shows before. It’s wonderful to see the work of the up and coming brilliant minds of fashion. Do you have any big plans after graduation?”

“I’ve been offered a job at Vogue. I’m working there as an intern now, but they’ve offered to make it permanent. Isabelle Wright and I have become good friends. I’m not sure I want to do that long term, but for now, that is my plan.”

“Well, congrats on that! I do hope that you can find a way to get your designs out in the world. They really are incredible, Kurt. Your talents shouldn’t be hidden away!” 

Kurt blushes, “Thank you.” 

The three of them talk for a few more minutes. Kurt can’t help but notice that Tina seems to notice the glances that he and Blaine keep sneaking at each other, the grins they can’t keep off their faces. Blaine has fluttered his eyelashes at Kurt no less than three times. She looks pointedly at each of them, and her face lights up. 

“Well, thank you for the chat. It was lovely to meet you, Kurt. Blaine, I think I’m going to head home. Mike and I haven’t seen enough of each other this week. I’ll take a cab. See you tomorrow,” she leans over and kisses his cheek, winks at him, and then walks off. 

“Oh, hell. I’m never going to hear the end of this tomorrow,” Blaine mockingly sighs.

“Yeah, honey, this public thing doesn’t work for us. Although if we _didn’t_ know each other, I would be singing her praises for picking up on how much I wanted to be alone with you for a minute. I might have been brave enough to ask for your number, but I doubt it.”

“Oh baby, I would have given you my card within seconds of meeting you. Figured out a way to get you to come into the office. You stole the show, Kurt Hummel, and my heart all over again.” 

Kurt takes one step closer, “You stole mine again, too. We match _again_ , honey. And the bowtie, Blaine. Thank you,” he reaches out and touches it quickly before stepping back, realizing what he’s done.

Blaine beams but notices people coming to talk to Kurt. “Kurt, it was wonderful to see you. Here’s my card. Let me know if you’d like to talk about working with some of our artists.” He hands the card to Kurt. Kurt looks at him quizzically, noticing something handwritten on the business card as he quickly slides it into his pocket.

“Nice to see you too, Mr. Anderson. Thank you for coming.” 

Kurt is bounced from group to group for the remainder of the reception. It feels wonderful to be recognized for his hard work, and he makes sure to find each of his classmates and congratulate them. Out of the corner of his eye, he can see Blaine always there in the background, talking with people, being his charming self, making some ridiculous donation to the school he’s sure. Kurt had assumed he’d go home, but he stays, supporting Kurt the best he can from afar.

Eventually, he’s had more than enough. He’s exhausted and he’s exceeded his quota for small talk. Plus, these shoes were worth the sacrifice a few hours ago, now he’s not so sure. He catches Blaine’s eye and nods to the backstage area. He’s going to gather his things, and he’s ready to go home. Luckily freshmen volunteers pack up the show backstage and store it back in their workrooms in the design building, so he doesn't have to worry about that tonight. Blaine nods back, he’s headed home, too. They wish they could leave together but earlier that day decided to take two cars home from the event. There would be too many people there who belong to the New York gossip society to risk leaving together. 

When Kurt is finally sitting in the leather backseat of the black town car that will take him home to Blaine, he reaches into his pocket for the business card he had handed him. He reads it: ‘I‘m serious, Kurt.’ He rests his head on the back of the seat, staring out the tinted window at the blur of streetlights and neon signs that pass by. Would it be too much to accept this also? The thought of working with Blaine’s company in any capacity excites him and fills him with guilt all at the same time. But if he could work with artists, if he could be designing instead of putting out other people’s fires at Vogue… it’s almost too much to dream of. The words he spoke to Blaine on their first date at Tangerine Terrace come flooding back to him.

_“Life is full of unexpected twists and turns, little miracles everywhere. I like to keep an open mind.”_

\------------------------------

When he opens the front door, he once again has a face full of curls. “Baby, if you keep greeting me like this every time I open the door, I’m going to start getting hard just walking down the hall.” 

“Good,” Blaine mumbles into his neck.

“ _Mmmm,_ are we doing a repeat of last night by any chance?” Kurt asks as he leans his head back against the door, exposing more neck for Blaine to kiss.

“Yes, well, I would love to, but your suit is too gorgeous to have piled on the floor.”

“Shame. But in all fairness, I’d like to look at you in yours for a few more minutes, too. I wasn’t allowed to ravish you properly with my eyes earlier. And damn, Blaine. The way those pants fit you. You are so hot, honey.” 

“Have you seen you in your suit? I swear I had to think about the most horrible things after you walked out on that runway. Freaking hell, Kurt I was hard so fast.”

“We’re quite the pair, aren’t we?”

“Ridiculous in all the best ways,” Blaine says happily. “For real though, what do you need sweetheart? You've got to be exhausted. Do you want a hot shower, a massage, food, or just go crash in the fort tonight? Let’s take care of you.”

“I would love a hot shower, a heated makeout session, and then pass out in your arms. I’m so tired. Isabelle gave me the morning off. I don’t have to be in until noon so that I could recover from the show. I didn't exactly tell her what our plan was. Any chance we can sleep in?” 

“Of course we can. Speaking of work, I should show you my phone. Tina blew it up after she left, telling me that ‘I was crazy if I didn’t ask you out.’”

“Oh, well, I agree with her wholeheartedly.”

“Oh, do you now? Well then, Mr. Hummel, will you please go on a date with me tomorrow to breakfast. We’ll go on an adventure to Bushwick to pick up clothes so you can stay with me this week, then we’ll fulfill our responsibilities at our j-o-bs, then have dinner together and have Milestone Conversation No. 4? And then if I’m really, really lucky, I hope to take you to my bed and make it ours.”

“I would be delighted, Mr. Anderson. And for the record, your chances of getting lucky are pretty high.”

Blaine grins with a silly waggle of his eyebrows he asks, “Do you think I should tell Tina what I have planned?” 

“I have a feeling Tina knows a lot more than she’s letting on. She saw right through us.”

“Yeah, you have no idea. I really can’t wait to hear what she has to say to me in person tomorrow.” 

“I liked her a lot, I got the feeling that she’s been a good friend to you the last few years. You seem so open and affectionate with her, she’s lovely and she seems to radiate joy.”

“You are good at reading people, Kurt. Everything you said is true. Tina and I have been friends for a long time. She’s been with me at the company since the very beginning. She’s wonderful, and I like her husband too. Maybe when this is all out in the open, we can go on some dates with them.”

“I’d like that. Okay, shower now, please? I’m officially done and want to crawl into bed with you and sleep for a week, or at least eight hours.”

\----~---------------------~---

A curly-haired man and an exhausted design student meticulously help each other out of their suits. Kurt feels like he’s drooling as he slides his hands over the fabric, feeling how it hugs Blaine’s body. Somewhere in the back of his exhausted mind, he vaguely wishes he had enough energy to insist on having his way with him, but he’s fading fast.

Blaine gently pulls him into the hot shower. His fingers lovingly wash Kurt’s hair, massaging his scalp. Telling him in great detail everything he loved about Kurt’s collection. He tells him how proud he is of him, how talented he is. He wants Kurt to know it in his soul. He washes his whole body for him, massaging his muscles, kissing his skin. He wants to take his time, but Kurt is going boneless in his arms. He needs to get him in bed.

Once they are tucked in for their last night in the magical fort, where so many of their dreams have come true, Kurt makes sure to tell Blaine just how much it meant to him that he went to the show. That he stayed. That he was there in silent support. He kisses him lazily for a few minutes before he rolls over to be the little spoon, “I love you, Blaine Blaine,” escaping his lips and a contented sigh as he immediately falls to sleep. 

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warnings for this Chapter:** None 
> 
> \------  
> You can find artwork (and aesthetics aka "mood boards") and other related posts to this chapter on my Tumblr page [GleefulPoppet](https://gleefulpoppet.tumblr.com/), I'll be adding things over the next month. And I try to add the artwork to the chapter each night as well.
> 
> [Click Here to See Larger on Tumblr](https://gleefulpoppet.tumblr.com/post/632631893146419200/chapter-17my-heart-stops-when-you-look-at-me)


	18. Thursday: Take These Broken Wings and Learn to Fly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Word Count: 20k+ [Warnings can be found in the notes if you need them]

He can’t take it anymore. _I mean, you can only ask so much of a guy_.

He rolls over so he can whisper in his ear, “Blaine, baby, wake up.”

Blaine’s eyes jolt open, “Whasss wrong?” 

“Are you having a good dream, my Honey Bee?” The whole situation amuses Kurt.

“Huh?”

“Baby, you’ve been rubbing this,” Kurt reaches down and playfully gropes Blaine’s extremely hard cock, “up against me for at least ten minutes. So I just wondered if it was a good dream?”

“St. Lucia,” he groans as he turns bright red covering his face with his hands.

“Hey, hey, no. I thought it was really hot; just wanted to make sure I was part of it.”

“Oh, you were,” he says as he peeks out from between his fingers to look at Kurt in the twinkle lights.

“ _Mmmmmm_ , why don’t you show me exactly what we were doing then,” he says in as much of a steamy voice as he can manage at 2:16 AM.

“You’d need to have my arms pinned above my head, baby—and straddle my hips.”

“Oh, with pleasure, Mr. Anderson.”

\------------------------------

“Good morning, Sunshine,” Blaine says as he kisses Kurt’s cheek when he can see he’s finally rousing from his sleep.

“Morning, my Honey Bee. What time is it?” Kurt stretches his long limbs as best he can in Blaine’s arms.

“It’s 8:30. We really did sleep in compared to the 6:00 AM we’ve done the last two days.”

“Oh, wow, yeah. I feel good, although I do recall being woken up last night,” he nestles tighter into Blaine’s chest.

“Yes, well, it turned out okay for you—twice, didn’t it?” he says with a laugh, “But I am still embarrassed by that.” 

“Huh-uh, none of that. I’m going to be the little spoon from now on if that is what happens. It was so hot, honey.” 

“ _Ahem_ , yes, well—not to change the subject but do you still want to go to breakfast? We should get going so we can get you to work on time.”

“Quickie in the shower, first?”

“That goes without saying.”

“Then yeah, breakfast out and off to Bushwick."

“Bushwick,” Blaine repeats, kissing Kurt on the forehead as he starts to get up.

\------------------------------

They are sitting in a cafe that Kurt loves in his neighborhood an hour later. It’s a vintage classic, something off of a movie set. Black and white tile floors with fifty years of wear and tear, photos of semi-famous people who’ve eaten there, there’s a jukebox in the corner with duct tape holding it closed, the counter is covered in glass pastry stands with today’s offerings. The whole place smells like bacon, sizzling hashbrowns, and fresh-squeezed orange juice. 

“So we haven’t had much of a chance to talk about it again, but can we talk about therapy for a few minutes?”

“Of course we can,” Kurt answers.

“First of all, Dr. Everly didn’t have any immediate reservations about me describing our relationship as ‘soulmates,’ I want you to know that she is willing to talk to me in those terms. Okay? I need you to know that.”

“Okay, that is comforting news. I sense a ‘but’ here though?” Kurt is curious about how this conversation is starting.

“But, my therapist won’t be able to do our couples counseling because I guess it creates a conflict of loyalty, and it’s not fair to you, sweetheart. So, therapists don’t do that. I didn't know—it makes sense, I suppose. However, she is willing to meet with both of us a few times in a joint session for _me_ , so she can help with questions I have specifically around my trust issues. But you’d have to understand that we’d go into it knowing that the bias lies on my side. Does that make sense? It’s something you would be doing for me, Kurt as part of my recovery.”

“Honey, I already told you I would do that for you. We can do that.”

“Thank you, love. If we could just maybe go talk about this trust stuff for a few sessions, that would be good. However, they do have a couples therapist in the same office that she recommended highly. If you want, we can start that process too. In the meantime, can I make a joint appointment with my therapist for us next week? She wants to meet you.”

“That’s probably a good idea. I’m a little worried about my schedule, but we can figure it out. It’s important to me. When I get to work today, I’ll block in some different times on my calendar that I could make it work and share it with you? Or you could text me her available times, and I’ll let you know.”

“Okay, I mean, she may be booked up for a while. I’m not sure. I just have a standing appointment every Friday at the same time. I’ll talk to her.”

“ _Hmm,_ if there is any way we could go in between my classes at Parsons and when I start work at Vogue, I could probably make Fridays work. Just keep me posted, okay?

“Will do, thank you for doing this. How does it feel to have your show done, Kurt? What is your ‘next morning’ feeling about it? Feeling good?”

“Yeah, I am, it was one of those surreal moments, you know? How does the only out kid in Lima, Ohio, end up in New York debuting his senior collection, while the most incredibly supportive most handsome man in the entire city cheers for him? I loved every minute of it, the adrenaline, the chaos, the satisfaction of knowing I did do the best I could. It was perfect.”

“I’m glad, Kurt. I admire your optimism for life, the way you live it to the fullest. I love you so much. Trust me, it was my great honor to be there and support you, Sunshine.”

“Love you, too, Honey Bee!”

They finish eating their breakfast, having an incredibly in-depth discussion on whether or not it’s appropriate to put ketchup on hash browns. And if your eggs touch the ketchup, have they become so defiled you can no longer eat them? Or is it acceptable, it just is what it is? They wonder if their relationship will survive the pineapple on pizza debate, but in the end, they decide you can always order it half and half. Relationships are about compromise, after all. And then, on their walk to Kurt’s studio apartment, they tackled the critical topic of, “What movie would be greatly improved if it was made into a musical?” 

By the time they get to Kurt’s building, their sides hurt from laughing. It’s been a wonderful morning. But in the back of Blaine’s mind, he is on high alert, the closer they get to Kurt’s apartment. _I have no idea how this will go—is he going to just grab his stuff, and we’ll leave like this isn’t as big of a deal as it really is? Is this a big deal? I don’t even know how long he’s planning on staying for sure. A week—forever? Is he going to be super emotional about it all—he’s taken care of himself for so long. I want to make sure he’s okay. Trust the connection. Stay calm for Kurt._

What Blaine does is wrap his arms around Kurt’s waist from behind while Kurt unlocks the door and whispers, “I love you” into his ear. They walk in, and he can hear Kurt take a deep breath. It feels different here now to both of them. Kurt seems to take another deep breath gathering his strength, breaking free of Blaine’s arms, walking the few feet to the kitchen.

“I’m going to clean out the perishables from the refrigerator super fast, first. I don’t want anything gross growing in there while I’m gone. There shouldn’t be much, and then I’ll pack up some clothes, and we can go.”

“Can I help with something?” Blaine wants to feel useful. 

“Yeah, actually. Do you want to grab my mail key? It’s in the bowl there on the counter, and get my mail for me, please? It’s mailbox 414B downstairs.”

“On it!” He’s secretly glad to have an excuse to leave. He wants to give Kurt some space to sort out his feelings. He goes as slow as he possibly can without making it obvious he’s doing so. By the time he gets back, there is a garbage bag by the front door, and Kurt has a suitcase and garment bag out packing some of his clothes. 

“Thanks for getting the mail. See all those books on the top of the desk there, can you grab those? There should be a bag on the side of the desk you can use. Oh, I need to get some of my illustration supplies for class tomorrow, too. I’ll do that, but can you grab the books?”

Within twenty minutes, Kurt has packed up his life for at least the next week. They don’t say anything to each other about it. There is a quietness that falls between them. It’s not awkward, but it’s palpable. When Kurt rolls the suitcase over to the door, he finally turns around, inhaling and holding it, closing his eyes.

Blaine walks over to him, wrapping him tight in his arms. “Talk to me, baby. Safe space, remember?”

“Do you remember the first night you came here and told me it seemed like my hopes and dreams lived here with me, so it felt like a home—you could feel it?” Blaine nods yes against Kurt that he remembers. “But Blaine, you are my biggest dream of all now. The one I never dared hope for it was so big, and it doesn’t fit here. Today, walking in, I feel like a bird returning to its cage after being set free. It kept me safe. I was happy here. I was able to take good care of myself. I thrived. The memories of this place are a sweet melody. But to be here now? To think about returning here each night alone? Shutting and locking the door behind me, with you so far away? It will feel like a prison keeping me from you. It will taint the place that once brought me so much peace. I don’t belong here anymore, Blaine. I know we have lots of details to figure out about when and how, but I’m ready to leave here without looking back.”

“You are so brave, Kurt Hummel. That is such a beautiful way to look at this. You are my biggest dream now, too. We’ll figure it out. I know we will. I love you so much.”

“I love you, too, honey. Can you do me a favor though before we leave?”

“Anything” he whispers into Kurt’s ear.

Kurt leans down and whispers back into Blaine’s ear, “Pin me up against this door and kiss me like you mean it forever and ever,” he’s growling at the end. Blaine knows he doesn’t mean one of the sweet and tender kisses that usually mean forever between them.

“Forever,” Blaine says as he grabs Kurt’s wrists, pressing his body hard against him, pushing him straight back into the door. Pinning his hands above his head, he goes in for a dirty kiss. He’s purposely using too much tongue, biting at Kurt’s lips, sucking in his top one until Kurt moans out, and then doing it again on the bottom one. 

Carefully sliding Kurt’s hands together so he can hold them with just one, gliding his now free hand down the side of Kurt’s face, down his neck, rubbing over his scar then down his shoulder to the buttons on his gorgeous white and black floral shirt. He starts to unbutton it until he can’t stand it anymore. Wanting his prize, he moves the shirt’s left side over to find some unmarked skin and bites down, sucking and licking at his newest mark. 

“I am yours, Kurt Hummel, forever.” He immediately goes back up to Kurt’s lips and begins to kiss him passionately. It’s full of love but still hard and desperate. He’s not sure why Kurt needs this but feels that he does, so he gives it all he can.

Kurt is moaning and thrusting up against Blaine’s hips. Blaine makes a quick decision, letting go of Kurt’s other hand. He wants to get Kurt’s belt undone. He needs to take care of him. Sliding down Kurt’s body to his knees, unzipping Kurt’s tailored ebony pants, he then pulls Kurt out of his black boxer briefs. He immediately takes him into his mouth, swirling his tongue around, sucking on the tip. From the way it’s throbbing in his mouth, he knows that he’s already so close. He puts one arm over both of Kurt’s hips sideways, keeping him pinned to the door. With the other hand, he starts pulling on Kurt’s cock where he can’t reach the length with his mouth. They have so much practicing to do in their future before either one of them has any hope of taking in the other’s substantial size, but they are up for the task of mastering it—gladly. He sucks harder than he usually might, pulling hard, trying to get him over the edge as fast as possible. Kurt’s hands are gripping Blaine’s shoulders, trying to keep them from his favorite place in Blaine’s raven locks; they still have to go to work after this. Blaine moans deep and loud when he tastes the pre-cum on his tongue, the vibration has Kurt pulsing in his hand and mouth. 

“Blaine! Blaine! I’m—Blaiiiine!” Blaine’s mouth is filled with warm salty liquid, swallowing every drop, not wanting Kurt to need to change before work. He keeps sucking lightly until he’s sure Kurt isn’t going to need to go again. He’s quickly learning that where Kurt is concerned, it’s usually by twos.

Eventually, though, he can feel Kurt start to soften. He’s whimpering at the overstimulation. Blaine tucks him back into his pants. Usually, he’d make sure to clean him off at least with a warm washcloth, but there is something about sending Kurt off to work like this that is so damn hot. He quickly pulls himself back up Kurt’s body and dives in for another torrid kiss, allowing Kurt’s tongue free reign of his mouth to taste. Another kink they found they both share. He pulls back finally to whisper into Kurt’s ear, “I am yours. I love you, Kurt.” 

Kurt grabs Blaine’s waist and flips them around, so he has him pinned up against the door now and kisses him one more time. “I love you, too, and I am yours.” He slowly glides a finger down the front of Blaine’s torso, to his belt, “Want me to take of you, honey?”

“I know this is going to sound crazy, but I want to want you the rest of the afternoon, baby. I want to feel that pull towards you all day, and then tonight we can finish this in our bed, yeah?”

“Yeah,” Kurt smiles wildly. “Thank you for that, by the way. I needed to feel connected to you here before I left today if that makes any sense. Not sure I understand it myself, but I feel better.”

“I’m glad—thank you for asking for what you need. Now should we get you to work? We can go straight there and then I’ll take your stuff home, okay?”

\------------------------------

In the car, privacy shield up between them and the driver, Kurt decides to ask a question he’s been thinking about for the last couple of days but seems even more important now after what just happened in his apartment. 

“Blaine, safe space, alright? I’m about to ask you something, and I want you to be able to tell me truthfully what you think.”

“Okayyy, but I always do,” Blaine says, very concerned. 

“No, I know you do, but...well, this is awkward and personal.”

“Honey…”

“Do you think I need too much sex or ask for too much?” Kurt blurts out. 

“Oh honey, where is this coming from? Talk to me,” he squeezes Kurt’s hand.

“I don’t know. I just never really needed to masturbate that much, and the other experiences I’ve had with other people never, ever felt like this. Not even close, not even on the same planet. It’s our emotional connection, Blaine, combined with being with you like that. It just feels so good and safe and right and beautiful and hot, and I love it so much. But do I ask for too much? Do I need too much? I don’t know. I realized it’s noon, and I’ve had sex three times and four orgasms since 2 AM. That seems excessive or selfish or addicting or something. I don’t know Blaine, I just—”

“Baby, that isn’t an awkward question. There doesn’t need to be anything awkward between us, okay? I’m glad you felt like you could talk to me about this. Sex in a loving relationship is new for you, Kurt. Honestly, it feels new for me too, it’s never felt like this for me either. I want you to know that, okay?”

Kurt nods. His face seems to relax. He had started working himself up.

“First of all, it’s normal to have tons of sex when you are with a new committed partner, as far as I know. Have you ever heard the legend of the penny jar?” 

“No?”

“Well, legend has it that if you put a penny in a jar every time you have sex the first year you start having sex with your life partner that you’ll fill it up quickly, you may even have to exchange some pennies out for silver coins of the same value to make room. After your first anniversary, you start taking a penny out every time you have sex, and even if you’re together for a very long time, you’ll never run out of pennies. In other words, there is a good chance you’ll have more sex your first year together than you will for the rest of your life.”

“That is ridiculous and hilarious—and awesome—and weirdly comforting—and also oddly seems like someone throwing down a gauntlet at my feet, and I want to take it up and prove them wrong.” 

Blaine bursts out laughing. “Geez, I love you, Kurt. I’ll do my best to help you rise to the challenge. But in the meantime, to get back to your original questions, this is new and exciting, especially for you. I would imagine now that you have that connection that you’ve needed so badly your whole life, where you feel safe, your body and heart are going to want more of it for a good long while.

“I think the thing you need to be watchful of is if it starts controlling your life? If you can’t concentrate on your work or school or do other healthy and good things for you. That’s when it might be a good time to reassess and see where you are. Yesterday we didn’t have sex. You didn’t say a word about it. I know you were stressed because of your show, but we didn’t even give each other handjobs—you were fine? You seem to be able to enjoy everything we do together and the time we spend talking. So I think you’re okay. But if you are scared, or you think you are becoming addicted, we’ll work through it. Never be afraid to talk to me about this. So I guess the question is, do you think it’s keeping you from living your normal life?”

“No, not really. I mean I catch myself daydreaming about it. It’s all so new, but it’s more the feeling of being with you and just missing you. But, I haven’t felt like I couldn’t not think about it if that makes sense?” 

“It does make sense, baby. So keep checking in with yourself, alright? Talk to me if you need to, okay?

“I will, I promise. But you didn't answer the part about me asking too much of you. I need to know if I’m asking for too much sex, Blaine, and is my stamina annoying? I don’t have to come the second time or third time. I don’t want it to feel like a chore, for you ever— I, Blaine, I never want you to feel like I’m using you for sex or something I don’t even know how to articulate that.”

“Oh sweetheart, no you aren’t asking for too much. I’ve enjoyed every single second we've had together and never thought that once. Have I been impressed with the number of times per day you can orgasm? Hell, yes, I have, but I think it’s hot, and I love it so much. I mean damn, Kurt, _I’ve_ never had as many orgasms in such a short time as I have with you the last few days either. This is a mutual thing that is happening, even if I can't go twice in a row as you do, my body is doing something it’s never done.

“And baby, I want to be your first source for that pleasure. I don’t want you ever to think you are annoying me or feel like you need to masturbate alone because you don’t want to bother me, alright? If I can’t be with you because I’m tired or sore or just can’t perform again or a million other things, I’ll still want to watch, be there with you. Obviously, if you feel like you need to do it alone sometimes, I’m not saying you never should, but I want to be there with you whenever you want me to be, Kurt.”

“Thank you, honey. I don’t want to do it alone—sharing this with you is what makes it amazing for me, but—you promise me, you have to promise me, Blaine, that you won’t be afraid to sit me down in a safe space and tell me if it gets to be too much?” 

“Of course, I will, Kurt. I love you so much. You okay now, honey? We’re almost to Vogue. If we need to talk about this more tonight, we can, alright?”

“I feel better. Thank you for talking through this with me. I love you, Blaine Blaine!” He leans over and kisses him soundly. “I hope you have a phenomenal day at work and tell Tina I said hello. I can’t wait to hear how that conversation goes.” Kurt smirks but leans and gives Blaine another short, sweet kiss. Blaine groans into it. He had forgotten about facing Tina today. Kurt simply laughs.

“I hope you have a wonderful day too, my love. Maybe we can do some more of our fun questions this afternoon. I’ve missed those the last couple of days, too.”

They pull up in front of the Vogue office building. They automatically wrap themselves around each other, squeezing each other tightly, hoping the hug will last until they see each other again. So grateful these cars have tinted windows. “Love you,” they say at the same time.

\------------------------------

 **B: My turn for a t-shirt I guess “Madly in Love” or maybe “Hopelessly in Love”**   
K: :D Tina?  
 **B: Yeah, she’s like--I don’t know what's going on but you love that boy  
** K: Well she’s not wrong  
 **B: No she isn’t ;)  
** K: I think it should say “Heart Eyes for Kurt”  
 **B: LOL yeah that is pretty much accurate  
** K: So I was thinking, depending on when you get an appt with the therapist, maybe we can meet the publicity dept. same day? Maybe I can take a day off from Vogue. Isabelle has been good about getting me home on time lately, but I still have days off I’ve never used  
K: It seems like more people are starting to know. We better be prepared  
 **B: Yeah I would like to meet w/ them sooner than later  
** **B: My appts usually at 12:30 on Fridays. What if we just take that slot and I’ll start scheduling my regular appts another time, then I’ll make pub dept appt at 2:00 or 3 we can get lunch in between. If you can get off work  
** K: That is actually perfect. I’ll talk to Isabelle now. Maybe twice a month we’d need to go? I’ll talk to her.   
**B: I think for now 2x a month and later we can change to 1x month or even every 6 weeks  
** K: Ok  
 **B: Thank you, honey, for doing this for us, for being willing** **  
**K: I want to give us the best chance. And thank you. I’m nervous but I’ll meet her and we’ll go from there to find a couples counselor  
 **B: Your t-shirt needs to be “Bravest Heart”  
** K: Awww TY Mwwwwwwwah   
**B: Mwwaaaahhhh right back  
** B: Kurt?  
 **K: Blaine?**  
B: If the Wicked Witch of the West melts in water—how did she bathe?

Kurt is pretty sure that “cackling” is not allowed in the workplace, but that is what he’s doing. These questions they ask each other sometimes hit beyond borderline ridiculous, but oh, how he loves it. He’s missed it the last few days actually, and he has a feeling that over time they’ll keep trying up each other with the shenanigans. The questions go back and forth when they can sneak a few minutes to text the rest of the afternoon.

\------------------------------

5:18  
 **B: Hey baby, you want me to pick you up at V, I’m heading out soon?  
** K: Sure! I can leave anytime after 5:30 just text me when you are on your way.

\------------------------------

“So happy to see you, Honey Bee, thanks for coming to get me,” Kurt says as he gets into the car, sliding across the leather, leaning in to give Blaine a peck on the lips as he shuts the door. But what he gets instead is Blaine’s hand wrapped around his jaw and ear, pressing him closer to his lips, not letting him go—kissing him with intensity and urgency. It takes his breath away. He has to pull back to gasp for air. Blaine pauses to let him but then dives back into the kiss. He is relentless. Kurt tries to keep up, the heat of it overtaking him as well. Blaine starts kissing all over his face and neck, with each kiss, he manages to get a word out.

“I—missed—you—so—much—today—remember—earlier—when—” 

Kurt is trying not to moan and whimper, he isn’t sure how soundproof the privacy glass is between them and the driver. 

“—I—said—I—wanted—to—want—you—all—day?—Huge—mistake—or—best—decision ever—not—sure—but—Kurt—baby—I—need—you so bad!”

“Freaking hell, Blaine. I want you too but, but” Kurt tries to get out, but Blaine is making it almost impossible to think much less talk. “We have to be able to get out of the car at the building, honey,” he reaches down and palms Blaine’s hard-on a few times. “This isn’t exactly easy to hide.”

“We both have our bags,” he says before a laugh escapes his throat. Well, okay then. Who can shun that kind of logic when the love of your life is unraveling your brain in the backseat of a car in the middle of rush hour traffic? Kurt completely surrenders to the moment and gives as good as he’s getting. 

When they pull up in front of the building twenty minutes later, it’s kind of impossible not to know what they’ve been doing. But they take about fifteen seconds to straighten up their clothes, they try to fix each other’s hair as best as possible, and that is when the giggles start.

“Oh my hell, you’d think we were sixteen in the backseat of a limo at prom,” Kurt says. 

“Well I didn’t go to prom, so I missed that experience. I’ll take it now,” Blaine retorts with a silly grin.

“Okay, good point, I didn’t either. I’m getting out first and will head for the door.” 

“Right behind you, Sunshine. Bags at the ready?” 

Kurt gets out. He says thank you to the doorman who opens it for him. As he walks into the lobby, he sees it’s Trent at the front desk. He’s not sure why, but it’s easier to feel like he belongs when Trent is here. He hopes that someday they’ll even be friends. 

“Hello, Trent,” Kurt says with a sincere smile.

“Good evening, Mr. Hummel. How are you?” Trent replies.

“I’m wonderful! Today was a good day. How about you?”

“I’m well, thank you, sir,” Trent then sees Blaine walking in and greets him too. “Good evening, Mr. Anderson. Welcome home.”

“Thank you, Trent! I hope you have a great evening. Thank you for getting the elevator keycard up to the apartment last night, I appreciate it.” 

“You’re welcome. Please let me know if you need anything else.”

Blaine nods at Trent as the elevator door opens. Once they are inside, they are instantly all over each other again, kissing and grabbing each other’s shirts, hair, anything they can find. “I’m going to go take a shower. Can I have a few minutes? Do you want to use the guest bath again, is that okay?”

“Yes, yeah, sure.”

“I need you so bad. It’s been almost three days since you were inside of me. I’m not sore today. I want you to take me if you want, Kurt!” He’s got one button undone on Kurt’s shirt, nipping at his collarbone and trying to talk. 

Kurt grabs his ass and pulls him hard while he thrusts into his hips. “Blaainne!” is all Kurt can manage to get out. The elevator doors open, they both bolt for the loft. Once inside, they start undressing each other hastily. There are clothes, shoes, and work bags left in a haphazard trail behind them.

In front of the guest bedroom door, Blaine finally comes up for air. “I need you in my bed, Kurt, please? Do you want to get the lube from the fort and shower? We’ll meet there in fifteen minutes?” Kurt answers with a hum before pushing Blaine against the wall and leaves a mark on his shoulder. He finally manages to pull himself away. They stare at each other for a few minutes, lost deep in each other’s eyes before he grins and disappears into the guest bedroom.

When Blaine exits the bathroom with a warm burst of humidity coming out the door with him, he sees that Kurt is just walking in. He has a towel wrapped around his waist, and he’s carrying the lube and some condoms. _Oh, my sweet Kurt, I love you. Even though I know that isn’t what you want; you’re still making sure I have a choice._ Blaine walks over to meet him halfway. He reaches up and rubs his hand down Kurt’s face a few times across his cheek and down. Kurt turns into the touch closing his eyes, Blaine leans over and gives him a sweet kiss on the lips, “I love you.”

Kurt opens his eyes, they are a bright greenish-blue today, there is so much love in them. “I love you, too, Blaine.”

Foreheads meet, they relax instantly, letting their feelings wash over them. Kurt glides his fingers up and down Blaine’s side. He realizes he’s subconsciously running them over his scars. The first time Kurt saw them, he got choked up. To know that Blaine had been so severely hurt, crushed his heart. But now he sees them as the strength of his survival. He wants to believe that scars are a sign of hope, that all things can heal. His spine tingles as he feels Blaine running a finger across the scar on his neck. Maybe Blaine feels the same way he does about them, but he doesn’t want to break the silence between them to ask right now. 

What was all lust and heated passion before has turned to adoration, devotion, and reverence. They start to kiss again, lips pressed firmly together with tenderness and affection. A swipe of his tongue and he lets Baline enter his mouth. They take turns sucking each other’s tongues, silently surrendering to the other in equal measure. Blaine slowly pulls his hand down Kurt’s chest and takes hold of the towel. He starts pulling slightly as he walks back towards the bed. He’s grateful he thought to pull the bedspread off when he came in earlier. When the back of his knees hit the bed, Kurt reaches one hand out to brace them while pushing Blaine back until he’s lying down. 

Kurt kneels over him, breaking the kiss while they scoot up to the middle of the bed. Blaine reaches up and takes Kurt’s towel off. He’s _so beautiful_. Kurt lays down on his side, half on top of Blaine, half on the mattress, they begin to kiss again. They kiss just to kiss, knowing they have all night. Kurt loves to listen to the small moans and whimpers that come deep from Blaine’s chest when they kiss like this. He’s doing his fair share of the same. 

When the kiss turns frenzied and more passionate, Kurt reaches for the lube. He rolls so that he’s on top of Blaine, silently begging him to spread his legs apart by touching him up underneath his thigh. 

Blaine whimpers and complies with Kurt’s silent command immediately. He reaches above his head to grab a pillow putting it under his hips. Kurt grabs the towel from earlier and then opens the lube dripping it all over his fingers. He brings one of Blaine’s legs up against his chest to kiss his inner thigh and knee and slips the first finger into Blaine—who moans loudly. Kurt thinks he hears a “Thank you, baby,” in it. 

Kurt continues to stretch him, he’s only got two fingers in, but he loves the way Blaine is coming undone so completely. His eyes keep opening and closing. He’s trying to control his hips, but making small thrusts. He has his hands stretched way above his head, touching the headboard. 

“This okay, honey? You ready for three?” Kurt asks, voice full of concern, but it also has heated want mixed in with it. 

“Yes! Baby, yes!” 

Kurt lowers Blaine’s leg from his chest and grabs some more lube. Feeling a little more confident than the last time they did this Monday afternoon, Kurt slides in the third finger at the same time he goes down on Blaine, taking as much of his hard cock into his mouth as he can. 

“ _Ahhhhhwhh_! Freaking hell, Kurt!” 

It’s almost a scream, which turns Kurt on so much that his fingers pick up a rapid pace inside Blaine. Without even meaning to, he’s still trying to get the feel of this. He brushes Blaine’s prostate. 

“Kurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrt!!!!!!!!” Blaine’s back arches high off the bed. He’s gripping the sheets so hard his knuckles turn white. 

Kurt does it again and again now that he’s found that spot, he’s elated that he can take Blaine apart like this. 

Blaine lets go of the sheets with one hand and slides his hand into Kurt’s hair, tugging lightly, trying to get him off his cock. “Baby, baby, I can’t. I’m going to come if you don’t stop.” 

Kurt looks at him up through his eyelashes with a proud grin on his face. Blaine loves to see it there, to see Kurt come into himself as a sexual being is a wondrous thing _. I can’t even imagine how good this will get with time—it’s already amazing now, and he’s still not feeling confident yet._

Kurt sits up on his knees, back straight, so his cock is proudly on display for Blaine. He reaches down and strokes himself a few times, as he keeps stretching Blaine with his other hand. When there is some pre-cum pooling at the tip, he swipes a finger through it, leans over, and presses the finger into Blaine’s mouth, who sucks on his finger, making the most obscene noises. He offers himself one more time the same way before he just can’t take it anymore, “Blaine! Please! I need to be inside of you!”

“Yes! Kurt now, yes!

“Condom?”

“No! Want to feel you like this!”

He grabs the lube and pours a generous amount, rubbing it all over himself before wiping his hand on the towel. He lines himself up with Blaine and rubs his cock up and down a few times before finally pressing the tip in slowly. _Feels so damn good. Need to be close to him, one with him. Please, please don’t let me hurt him,_ he silently pleads. Once the head slides in, he starts watching Blaine’s body for any signs of distress, his face, the way his stomach and legs clench. 

Blaine wraps his legs around Kurt’s waist tightly. He’s moaning and begging, “More! Kurt, I’m fine.” 

Kurt pushes a few more inches while digging his fingers into Blaine’s chest that he’s using as leverage, his eyes roll back, his back arched slightly. 

“Hell, Blaine! You are so tight!” He’s amused when he can feel Blaine laugh with a little shake under him. 

“Baby, I’m tight because you are so _damn_ huge!”

Kurt laughs, too. “Yes, well, lucky you!”

Blaine looks up at Kurt, his eyes sparkling, dopiest grin on his face, “Oh, believe me, I know it.”

Kurt slips in a few more inches, they both moan loudly. 

“I’m pretty damn lucky, too. I mean, look at you, Blaine!” It’s taking all of Kurt’s willpower not to start thrusting into Blaine as hard as he possibly can. He wants to be connected to him at their core. 

He feels Blaine shift on the pillow and move his back slightly. “Baby, you okay? I don’t want to hurt you!” 

“So good—just needed to adjust. I’m ready for you, I promise.”

Kurt thrusts in the last few inches and stills. _Holy hell, it feels so good. Give him a minute, give him a minute, give him a minute. Explore the connection. Feel the tether, the soulbond, the love here. Enjoy it_. 

He slowly lowers himself down, putting his forehead against Blaine’s heart. It’s beating madly against his chest, “I love you so much, Blaine Anderson.” He kisses over his heart a few times before he makes his way to Blaine’s nipples. He nips at them with his lips, which has Blaine pressing his hips down hard, trying to get Kurt to move.

“Kurt! Please!” _Oh, heaven, help me. The way he makes me feel... So safe, so wanted, so loved. And so full of want, I need to be near him._ “KURT!”

Kurt braces his elbows on each side of Blaine’s arms, pushing his hands under his shoulders to hold on to them from the back for leverage. He starts slowly pulling out and pushing back in. He starts pulling back farther each time until it’s just barely the tip and then thrusts forward as hard as he dares, over and over. They are panting, moaning, babbling their want, their love, their pleasure. _He realizes that since he’s already orgasmed a few times today, he can make this last._

He can barely get out the words, “Baby! How do I? I want to make you feel good like this too?”

“You _are_ making me feel good, don’t stop!”

“No, how—do I find your—prostate, geez I had that word,” and in the middle of all the heat around them, they both laugh.

“I’m serious, Blaine, I’m going to be able to stay hard for a while, help me?” 

He hears Blaine mumble, something about _freaking_ and _hell_ and _survive_ and _hottest_ and _boyfriend_.

“Can you go up on your knees a little bit and try to come up at me and then back down.”

Kurt tries it a few times, and while Blaine seems to enjoy it, he knows he isn’t getting it.

He spreads his knees a little farther apart and puts both of his hands back on Blaine’s chest, locking his elbows. A big smile crosses his face when he takes in the state of Blaine’s skin. “I love seeing my marks all over your gorgeous skin,” he moans out. 

But before Blaine can even think about replying about how much he loves seeing them there, Kurt thrusts up from this new angle. 

Blaine arches underneath him and screams out, “Holy sh— stars Kurt!”

Kurt does it again and again, trying to make sure he remembers the angle and feel so he can do this again next time. 

“Kurt, Kuurrrrt!” Blaine puts one of his hands over Kurt’s on his chest and pushes it down to his cock, “Please, Kurt! Please make me come!” 

Kurt starts to stroke Blaine. He loves how big and heavy Blaine is in his hand. The skin is so soft around his raging hard-on. The heat radiating off of him is mouthwatering. Kurt times his thrusts with his hand. He can feel the throbbing moving it’s way up Blaine’s cock. He’s so close. Without warning, Blaine is spilling all over his hand, all over his own chest. 

“Kurrrt, I —oh, oh, oh,—it’s so big—Kurtttttt, oh, still com--ing, oh, my hell!” His back finally relaxes into the bed. He has his eyes closed, panting. Kurt notices a few drops of sweat dripping down his neck. If he could reach it right now, he’d lick it off. _Kurt, make sure he’s okay!_

“Freaking hell that was so hot, Blaine. You okay? Should I pull out?”

Blaine shakes his head. He’s trying to catch his breath, “No, go, want, feel, please, hard, Kurt!” he pants out.

Kurt starts rapidly thrusting his hips into Blaine. Now that he’s not trying to hold out, he knows this is going to be quick. His breath picks up, and his whole body is tingling. He goes deep inside his heart, where he feels that connection to Blaine. He tries to stay present there, feeling his way down the tether where it leaves his body and goes into Blaine’s. _I love you. I love you. I love you_. 

He can feel the orgasm building deep inside. It’s going to be so huge. He gives in to it, surrenders to his love and desire. Lets it take over his body. He thrusts once, twice, he’s now the one screaming Blaine’s name, “Blainnnnnnne! Oh! Blaine, Blaine!” He can’t believe he’s still coming. He thrusts several more times as he comes down from his high. Scooting his knees back together and up close to Blaine, he leans over him, resting his forehead back on Blaine’s heart. 

“Your face when you orgasm is so damn hot! I love you, Kurt.” 

“I love you, too.” He’s panting hard, but he still manages to leave a few kisses on Blaine’s chest. He thinks he might melt with the sweet way that Blaine is rubbing his back. He’s pretty sure Blaine is tracing hearts into his skin. But he can’t find the words or breathe to ask him right now. Instead, he squeezes his arms tighter at Blaine’s side, essentially hugging him as best he can in this position. 

When he’s finally caught his breath, he reaches over for the towel, “Baby, I’m going to pull out now. I’m still hard, so it might hurt a little. You ready?”

“Go ahead, love.” Blaine sucks in a deep breath but doesn’t wince as he feels Kurt pull out. Kurt quickly uses the towel to get most of the spill and then wipes up what he can on Blaine’s stomach. They are getting better about the cleanup not being awkward.

“Can I hold you?” Blaine asks, his face is glowing, his eyes bright.

“I’d love that,” he lays down on his side, snuggling into Blaine, throwing his leg over Blaine’s, tucking his heel under his shin. He slides one arm over Blaine’s stomach and sighs as Blaine wraps his arm tight around Kurt’s shoulder, kissing the top of his head a few times. 

“Are you okay?” Kurt asks as he looks up to try and see Blaine’s face.

“I’m more than okay. That was phenomenal, and you were so careful with me, honey. Thank you.”

“It really was wonderful. Cuddles first and then dinner? I’m starving.”

“Sounds perfect. But, sweetheart, I can feel you’re still hard, do you need me to take care of that for you?” 

Kurt rubs his erection against Blaine’s leg a few times. “I shouldn’t need more because that was so incredible, but apparently south of the equator hasn’t gotten the memo.”

Blaine laughs, squeezes Kurt tighter, and kisses his head again. “I’d be happy to help you with it.”

“Mmmm, how about you hold me, and if I’m still hard when we take a shower, I’ll beg you to go down on me until I’m screaming your name again.” 

“Keep talking like that, and I’ll be hard again, too.”

“So, my little debacle plan is working then?”

“Apparently!” 

“Good,” Kurt laughs. He’s tracing shapes all over Blaine’s stomach now, every once and while rubbing his scars, enjoying the quiet moment they are sharing.

“Oh my gosh!” Kurt says, sitting up abruptly, his eyes wide. He leans over and kisses Blaine playfully, “Do you know what today is my darling, Honey Bee?” Kurt doesn’t even give him a chance to answer before he’s kissing him again and again, making silly little noises. “Happy Bump Day!” 

Blaine grabs him and pulls him down on him, kissing him back until they are wrestling around, rolling each other over, biting playfully, gleefully affectionate, and just generally being ridiculous. 

“Happy Bump Day, love!”

\------------------------------

“Alright, you were right. The mushrooms and garlic in this are delicious, so I think I owe you, what did you say? Like thirty kisses?”

“Yup! That was the deal.” Blaine is beaming.

“Hmmm. Such a hardship,” Kurt says with a mocking little grin.

He gets up to stand behind Blaine, “I think I’m going to pay up now.” 

“But, I’m still eating!”

“Upsy-Daisy!” Kurt commands, grabbing the bottom of Blaine’s t-shirt and tugging upwards. Blaine cracks up at Kurt’s choice of words. But he concedes, puts down his chopsticks, and lifts his arms up so Kurt can take his shirt off.

“As you were. I’m sure I won’t distract you too much from your dinner. Besides, after you talked me into eating garlic on a date, you aren’t getting any kisses on the mouth until I can go brush my teeth!” 

He leans over and kisses the base of Blaine’s neck, “1.” He kisses behind his ear, counting after each one “2, 3, 4, 5” he continues to dote on Blaine’s neck, back and shoulders until he gets to, “Mmm 41. I think that is thirty-plus a tip.” He wraps his arms around Blaine’s waist and rests his chin on his shoulder.

“Well, thank you for that. I can safely say that is the first time I’ve ever gotten hard while eating Chinese food,” they burst out laughing. 

Kurt turns suddenly serious, “Blaine? Are you scared about our conversation tonight? Neither one of us has really mentioned it today.”

“I’m not scared. But yeah, maybe nervous is the right word? I think for us, this will be the hardest to figure out, but I know we can. I know that most couples fight the most over money, and I think that is so heartbreaking, but I also understand that I come from a background of privilege. I don’t have any right whatsoever to judge the hardships that people go through or the pressure that can put on a relationship. 

“I know more about what kind of pressure being rich puts on relationships. It’s a disgusting spiral of never having enough if your partner is addicted to material things, and the opinion of the world is where their worth comes from. They’re always trying to be better than everyone else, watching them worship things instead of appreciating the people in their life. Constantly buying new clothes or cars, trying to buy their way into being who they want to be instead of working towards it, denying who they truly are. Hiding addictions, secrets, and often manipulating people for pleasure. Chasing a high that spending money brings them. It makes my stomach turn.”

“Geez, Blaine—I’m—” Kurt lets go of Blaine, returning to sit down in his chair. He folds his arms on the counter and lays his head down face first so he can’t see anything.

“Oh, Kurt, I am so sorry. I think I just brought Connor into the room and dumped him in the middle of our amazing day. Every time I think I’m doing better with all of this, out come these old wounds. I have no excuse. I—I need a minute. I am so sorry.” 

He walks out of the room. Uncountable awful memories start to swirl in his mind as he goes into the office, shutting the door. _Where in the hell did all of that just come from? And I just walked away from Kurt? Kurt deserves someone who doesn’t have this vile past hanging over him. After two years in therapy and Kurt asks me a simple question, and that is what came rushing out of my mouth?_ His heart is racing, panic is taking over his body. 

_Dear God! If there is one, please help me! I’m so tired of living like this. I want Kurt, I want him to be happy—he has already endured so much in his life. He deserves more than me, but I love him so much! I don’t know how to let him go. I know I should, but I don’t want to. I LOVE HIM!_ Tears are streaming hot down his face, a thick fog taking over his mind.

_I don’t know how to heal from this, though. I thought I had. How much longer does Connor get to haunt my nightmares and lurk around every conversation. Is it punishment for not knowing what love felt like? Is it my fault for staying with him? For allowing him to manipulate me? For ignoring the few alarm bells that did go off, but I didn’t understand? Will there ever be a day when he isn’t with me—still hurting me?_

It’s so cold. Every black thought, every distressing feeling hurts like hundreds of needles pressing into his skin.

_Oh my God, I can’t do it! I can’t! Please help me. I want a forever with Kurt, I love him. Please help me. Please help me. Please help me._

The pressure from the pain and the thought of letting Kurt go drives Blaine to his knees in a prayer position on the floor for the first time in his life. He’s sobbing, gut-wrenching cries, rocking back and forth on his knees, arms folded, eyes closed. He finally lets out a deafening scream of prayer into the silence, “PLEASE! HELP ME!” 

He rolls onto his side, curls himself into a ball, and continues to sob. The most terrifying thoughts of needing to let Kurt go because he deserves better and he loves him too much to ask him to endure this pain with him are overlaid with the silent inner screams of, “God! Please, help me keep him.”

In a single moment in the black chaos of his mind, he hears with absolute clarity, _Trust the connection. Listen to Kurt._

Kurt is at his side within seconds of the scream. He sits down on the floor next to Blaine and pulls him into his lap. Blaine is still curled in on himself. He starts rocking him slightly and holds him as tight as he can. They stay just like that for a long time, until Blaine’s sobs are just the sniffing whimpers that always come after a massive cry. 

“Tell me when you feel like you can stand. Okay, honey?” 

Blaine nods against Kurt’s chest but doesn’t move or say anything else for another five minutes. “Kurt, I love you, I would—I sh-sh-should let you go. You deserve more.” His voice cracks, and it’s barely a whisper by the end. Every word burns like acid in his mouth.

Kurt looks down at Blaine. He looks so small and broken. It’s hurting him to see him like this, but he remains calm. _Trust the connection. Stay calm for Blaine_. The phrase has been going through his mind a million times since hearing Blaine scream. The panic wanted to take him prisoner before he could even get to him. _Trust the connection, Stay calm for Blaine._

“ _Hmmmm_ , you think so?” he says calmly as he pushes a few curls off of Blaine’s forehead, twisting his fingers into them. “And where exactly would you let me go, baby? Back to my apartment in Bushwick, knowing that my soulmate and true love slipped through my fingers over a demon from your past?” 

He kisses the top of his head, then his forehead and the tip of his nose. “You’d let me go with my heart torn out of my chest and laying right here on the floor in your office? What? You’d let me go back to school and work trying to pretend my soul hasn’t been ripped from my body and turned to ash? You’d let me go try to piece my life back together, a shell of the person I was, because you loved me so much you let me go over _him_? That is what I deserve, Blaine?”

Blaine starts crying again, clutching desperately to Kurt.

He reaches down, caressing Blaine’s cheek. He slides two fingers under his chin to push his face up slightly so he can look at him straight in the eyes. Despite the crying and tears, Blaine manages to look back, and he sees nothing but love and calm on Kurt’s face. 

“You think that shows more love than choosing me right now like you promised me you would in every moment? That it shows more love than facing these demons head-on so we can have our forever? No, Blaine. You said you loved me. So we will face this together, do you understand me? I refuse to lose you, not over this.”

Blaine’s hands are twisting in Kurt’s t-shirt and pulling on it so hard it feels like it’s rubbing a cut into the back of his neck. When Blaine starts sobbing again so hard that he seems unable to breathe, Kurt just holds him tighter. 

“I love you, Blaine.” He continues to rock him. He starts humming a song he hasn’t thought of in a long time. It seems appropriate given the discussion they had in his apartment in Bushwick this morning and now this. He starts humming it, and then he [starts singing](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=U2Vs9fckXIM) it to Blaine. 

“ _Blackbird singing in the dead of night…Take these broken wings and learn to fly..._ ” he sings it through several times before Blaine is only whimpering again.

He kisses his forehead once again, lingering there for a few moments. “Let’s try to stand okay, baby? I love you so much, but my ass is asleep right now, and it hurts!” Blaine laughs, Kurt takes that as a win. 

“Come on, honey, up you get. Let’s get you sorted.” 

Kurt pushes him up, and Blaine stands, but immediately sits on the couch, “Ouch! My legs are asleep.” 

Kurt chuckles, “I know the feeling. We’re going to have to hobble our way to the bedroom.” They take a minute shaking out their limbs and stretching before Kurt takes his hand. “Come on, sweetheart.”

He walks them into the kitchen and sits Blaine down in a chair while he quickly cleans up their dinner plates and takeout boxes. He turns off all the lights. He looks forlornly at their fort, which they haven’t had a chance to clean up yet, but this is way too serious for the fort. Maybe tomorrow they can have one last memory there. He shakes his head, now isn’t the time to worry about that.

“Where’s your phone, honey?”

“Dresser in the bedroom,” Blaine says roughly. With all the crying and that scream, his voice is shot.

“Okay, come on, my Honey Bee.” Kurt grabs his own phone on the way to the bedroom. 

Once they arrive, he quickly removes his twisted, stretched out, wet, cried-all-over t-shirt. He then turns to Blaine and starts to take his pajama pants off, then his own, “Underwear, too, take them off. Let’s take a shower, okay?” 

He takes Blaine by the hand to the bathroom. He puts toothpaste on their toothbrushes and hands, Blaine his. They brush and scrub for a few minutes before ringing their mouths out. “You need a minute to yourself, honey?” They’ve come a long way in so short of a time, peeing in front of each other is one thing, but some other things should just be kept private while you’re dating.

Blaine shakes his head no. He braces himself on the counter, he’s feeling weak and tired.

Kurt starts the water in the huge walk-in shower, he’s so grateful for the bench in here tonight. Sure they’ve made some incredible memories on it already, but right now, he needs it to help support Blaine. He scoots it toward the middle of the shower. “Come on, baby,” he reaches out his hand for Blaine to come to him. He sits down on the bench first, “Do you want to sit on my lap, honey?” 

Blaine nods yes, he’s still got a few tears running down his cheeks. 

“Mmmm, I’d like that. Come on.” He helps him straddle his hips, and Blaine wraps his legs around Kurt’s waist, his arms go around his neck, hugging him fiercely. He buries his face into Kurt’s neck, kisses the scar there, and starts crying again. 

The water is hitting perfectly in the middle of Blaine’s back, just like Kurt wanted. He rubs his hands up and down over and over again, gently massaging his fingers across his muscles.

Once Blaine has stopped crying again, he gently helps him off of his lap, so he’s sitting on the bench, he grabs the shampoo. Even though they just took a shower before dinner, he thinks it will help Blaine. _Physical Touch and Acts of Service are his love languages_. 

He pours a generous amount of shampoo in his hand and stands behind Blaine on the bench. He massages into his scalp. When the suds build-up, he uses them to rub his neck and shoulders, washing his back, arms, and chest. He varies the way he touches; hard presses, gentle brushes with the tips of his fingers, rubbing his palms in circles where he feels tension. 

“Let’s rinse your face, honey. Can you stand?” Blaine nods and stands up, allowing the spray to wash over his face. Kurt gently rubs under his eyes and down his cheeks. He leans down and gives him a tender kiss on the cheek. 

Once they are out, he takes care to dry Blaine off. His skin seems to be extra sensitive right now. Once they are dry, he gets new pajamas out for Blaine and helps him dress. He grabs some of his own pajamas from his original overnight bag. He laughs a little when he realizes that these are the clothes that were all mixed up with Blaine’s in the wash. _I want our underwear to get mixed up in the washing machine._ Something so simple, and yet, the thought brings him so much peace. They will get through this, and they’ll have a million other simple moments too. _Trust the connection. Stay calm for Blaine._

He sits Blaine down in one of the chairs in the sitting area in his bedroom. “Sweetheart, is there anything your assistant can’t get you out of tomorrow at work if you email Marley right now?” he walks over to the dresser to get Blaine’s phone.

“I don’t know,” he can’t even think straight right now.

“Do you ever text Marley? Can I have your permission to text her for you? I think it would be really good if you could have a day off tomorrow, baby?”

Blaine just nods. 

“Can you unlock your phone for me?”

“LoveKurt.”

“Love you, too.”

“No, my passcode without a fingerprint is LoveKurt.”

Kurt bursts out laughing and then falls to his knees in front of where Blaine is sitting. He kisses him on the lips quickly and then throws his arms around him.

“We’re ridiculous.” He turns around and sits between Blaine’s legs with his back to the chair and types in “LoveKurt” 56835878, and sure enough, his phone unlocks. 

_9:06 PM  
_ **B: Hi Marley, this is Kurt. Sorry for the nighttime text  
** **B: Blaine is not feeling well. Does he have anything he can’t miss tomorrow? He’ll still go to his counseling appt but can you cancel everything else?  
** M: Oh no! Is he okay? Let me pull up his schedule brb

“You can tell her what’s really wrong, she knows,” he hears Blaine whisper behind him in his tortured voice. Blaine starts carding his fingers through Kurt’s hair, it feels marvelous but Kurt can tell just how weak Blaine is.

 **B: He will be, he had something trigger him about Connor. He needs some time  
** M: @&^%* tell him I love him-- no matter what he has tomorrow I’ll take care of it  
M: Kurt, thank you. I’m so glad you’re with him  
 **B: And I’m glad he has you, can’t wait to meet you  
** M: Likewise. Please do not hesitate to contact me if he needs anything, or you!  
 **B: Thank you, goodnight**

“She said she loves you and she’ll take care of everything.”

“I love her, too. She is the sister I never had. I’m so lucky she works for me.”

“You okay for another minute? I need to text a few people about school and work.”

“Yes, but Kurt, you can’t miss school or work because of this, because of me!” his voice sounds like he’s going to start crying again, and there is a layer of panic there too.

Kurt tips his head all the way back so he can see Blaine’s face and smiles big. “I most certainly can. I’m an adult, and I can make decisions about what is best for me, and what is best for me right now is being here for you. It’s my choice, Blaine Blaine. Besides, I’ve never missed a day of school, don’t you think I should ditch at least one day my senior year? It’s oh so rebellious!” 

“If you’re going to ditch, you should go to a concert or on vacation or to the beach or a theme park! Not taking care of me!” 

“Well, who says we aren’t doing any of those things tomorrow? You never know! Now shush and rub my head. That feels good,” he snickers. He’s happy to hear Blaine let out a breath of air that sort of resembles a laugh, too. Realizing he was actually taking away Blaine’s choice to be alone if he needs it, he turns sideways and looks at him, stroking his face once. 

“Can you look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t want me here with you tomorrow?” 

Blaine shakes no, “No.”

“Okay then,” Kurt says, turning back around. 

“Okay then,” Blaine barely whispers, relief flooding his body. He doesn’t want to be alone. He hasn’t an episode like this in over a year.

He emails Isabelle: “I need to take my first sick day ever tomorrow. Sorry to leave you high and dry, but I can’t be there. See you Tuesday. ~Kurt” 

He texts a few of his classmates and asks them to take notes for him if needed and let him know if there are any new assignments. He’s done it for them enough times. They owe him. He then shoots off courtesy emails to his professors to let them know he won’t be there. 

He gets up from the floor, standing in front of Blaine, reaching down to massage his hand through his damp curls. “Blaine, honey, can you tell me what you need right now? Do you know?”

“I don’t know, Kurt. I really don’t.”

“Do you want to talk to me about what happened tonight? Do you want to tell me more about Connor? I know it might be painful, but maybe it will help. Should we get this all out in the open, let it all out?”

“I’m sick of talking about Connor. I’m sick of dealing with Connor. I’m so tired of him hanging over us, Kurt. Every time I think I’ve really made some progress....damn it.”

“I know you’re tired, honey. You’ve been trying so long to move forward. But here’s what I think, if there is any way you can, I think we need to talk about it. And then talk about it some more. I think you need to tell me anything and everything that you want to say but are scared to because you think you will lose me. Please tell me everything that will make you feel better to get off your chest. 

“If there are things you don’t want to tell me because they are private or I’m not the right person, that is absolutely fine. I can respect that, but there is nothing you can tell me about what happened that will change my love for you, Blaine Anderson.

“Come on, baby. Let’s go to our talking spot, and let’s just try. Come on,” he holds out his hand for Blaine to take. 

They get settled on the couch, this time Kurt is the one sitting with Blaine’s legs in his lap and his head resting on the end of the sofa. Kurt has their journal and a pen tucked in by his side.

“I just need to say two things quickly before we start. Is that okay?”

Blaine nods affirmatively. 

"First Blaine, I think the more we talk about this now, the more we can get out into the open, the less it will come up in the future. As long as you are holding on to this, it will be stuck there inside of you. It will bubble and fester until it all comes boiling over again. So don't be afraid anymore, not with me, Blaine. But if you can't do it tonight, I understand, but if you can, let's try.”

Blaine simply nods again.

"Second, I need you to know that earlier in the Kitchen, if my reaction added to your pain, I'm so sorry, but—" 

Blaine has visibly flinched, "Kurt, No!"

"Hey, hey, let me finish, baby. I just want you to know what I was thinking, okay?" 

"Kurt—" 

"I was thinking that I was going to throw up at the thought of how much pain Connor caused you. It felt like someone was squeezing my heart. And _then_ I was thinking of all the dark and evil ways I could tie him up and slowly torture him over a period of many years. And well, that didn't seem really healthy, so I sort of just put my head down and decided I better cool down before I dared open my mouth. I mean I might have even used a swear word, Blaine. How shocking would that have been?" They both laugh, Kurt rubs Blaine's legs soothingly.

"But not once, Blaine, I swear to you, not one time did I wonder why you brought him up, nor was I angry with you or upset that he is here with us in this relationship. Do you understand that, Blaine? I need you to understand that because it's so important." 

“I don’t understand it, Kurt. I don’t. You don’t deserve this. You shouldn’t have to deal with this.” Blaine is rubbing his hands on his face in frustration.

“Honey, you keep using that word ‘deserve’, baby. _You_ didn’t deserve it either. I mean, I’m not fond of that word at all, but since it seems to be something you are struggling with, let’s talk about it. Does anyone deserve the trials they are given? Did I deserve to have my mom and brother taken away from me? Life happens, Blaine. What we deserve is compassion and empathy in our pain and things that hurt.”

“Yes, but! Damn it, Kurt! Your mom and brother were taken from you against your will—hell no, you didn’t deserve that! I chose Connor. I stayed with him. I said yes when he asked me to marry him. I deserve to pay the consequences of that, not you! How can you not see that my pain is my punishment and not worth loving, and now it’s keeping you from having your best life, too!”

For the first time tonight, the gates open, and tears start spilling down Kurt’s cheeks. He inhales sharply and lets it out slowly. He squeezes Blaine’s legs. “Oh, Blaine. You can’t believe my love for you is so shallow that I can’t love your pain too? Oh my god, Blaine! Please tell me you don’t really believe that?”

He lifts Blaine’s legs and stands, laying Blaine’s legs back down. Then he swiftly kneels on the floor next to Blaine and lays his head down on Blaine’s chest over his heart, wrapping one arm around his waist. The other hand going up to find comfort in Blaine’s curly locks, “Blaine, please tell me you don’t believe that.” 

When Blaine doesn’t say anything or even touch Kurt back for a full agonizing minute, Kurt’s tears turn into silent crying. He gets up to sit in a chair by the piano. He’s devastated. _How did I think I could help him when he doesn’t even believe I love_ ** _all_** _of him. But this can’t be it? Right? We’ll get through this? How can he believe I only love the good parts of him? Where did I go wrong supporting him, that he could have ever thought that was true?_ And then he hears the voice of calm and reason tonight. _Trust the connection. Stay calm for Blaine._

He takes a deep breath in for four seconds, holds it for four seconds, lets it out for four seconds, holds still for four seconds, and does it again and again until he can get control of his emotions. When he’s calm and feels like he can talk, he tries again. 

“It doesn’t matter if we have to have this conversation five more times or fifty or five hundred, I’m here now. It is the greatest miracle in my life that I get to be the one that loves you, Blaine. This pain is part of your journey. How could I not love this part of you, too? I would have never, ever told you I loved you if I didn’t mean it. I don’t just love the parts of you that are fun and sexy as hell.

“We talked about this. It’s about knowing everything about someone and choosing them anyway. Their faults, their annoying habits, and yes, Blaine, their pain, too. This isn’t ‘I love you so much, Blaine, except for the part of you that is hurting—that part shouldn’t show up in our relationship.’ 

“And for my own sanity, I’m going to assume that you know that but are so upset right now you just can’t see it.”

Kurt waits for a long time to see if Blaine will say anything, but he hasn’t moved. He has one forearm upturned over his eyes, and the other arm tucked into his side tightly. Kurt can see the tears streaming down his face. 

“Okay, come on, baby. Let’s get you to bed. Thank you for trying tonight.” Kurt is drawing on the strength from who knows where because all he wants to do is crawl into a corner somewhere and sob his heart out. It’s his turn, now. And then maybe in his dreams, he can find a dark, scary pit to drop Connor in with a saber tooth tiger.

He helps Blaine off the couch, and they walk to the bedroom. They don’t hold hands, but Kurt has his hand on Blaine’s lower back, trying to offer any kind of comfort. He tucks Blaine in bed and turns off the lights. “I love you,” he whispers as he kisses Blaine’s forehead, and then he starts to walk towards the door. 

“Good night, honey,” and he walks out, shutting the door behind him softly. Under any other circumstances, he would have held Blaine all night, no matter how much he’s hurting. But, there is a sob that is suffocating him, and he has to let it out. It was one thing to help Blaine through his pain, but entirely another to realize Blaine thinks Kurt can’t love the part of him that is in pain.

On top of that, to try to come to terms with the fact that earlier tonight, he found out Blaine still, in his subconscious mind, thinks that if he genuinely loves Kurt, he should let him go. 

He might be strong, but he’s not this strong. He needs to get this out. He walks into the guest bedroom, where he’s been getting ready in the mornings. He has to laugh, was it just today they were in Bushwick getting his stuff? And now he’s going to sleep in the extra bedroom? 

He crawls into the unfamiliar bed that is way too cold, barely has time to get his face buried into the pillow before the sobs come, wracking his body. He lets them come, allows the pain to take hold. He’s done this enough times to know you have to allow it, feel it, accept that it is there and that it’s real before you can move on from it.

He pictures himself with his journals from high school. In his mind, he starts writing out his feelings on those pages. He writes everything he feels about tonight. Everything he thinks about leaving his apartment this morning to ending up in the guest bedroom. He writes about how hurt he is that Blaine doesn’t understand the depth of his love. He writes down all his questions about what it means to deserve something in life, good and bad. 

He writes about how he wishes he could take Blaine’s pain away and help him move on. He writes about how he knows that isn’t possible. People have to choose that for themselves. He writes about how good it feels to write about it. He writes about how scared he is that even a small part of Blaine thinks he should let him go. He writes about how he doesn’t understand how Blaine can’t see that if he loves him, he will face his demons with him by his side so that they can have their forever together. 

He writes and writes and writes, filling up endless pages in the imaginary journals. He then takes them to the backyard like he always did and throws them in the firepit, lighting them on fire, watching them burn. He sees the flames turn into the shape of a bird; a phoenix rises from the ashes. And then as it flies away, it turns into a blackbird. 

He is wondering what that could possibly mean when he hears a noise in the hallway before the bedroom door flies open and light floods the room. Kurt jerks up into a sitting position on the bed and throwing the covers off in one motion.

“Kurt!” Blaine almost yells. It’s filled with relief and panic. He starts sobbing again, and then he’s across the room quickly, tackling Kurt, so he’s lying back on the bed. He’s kissing all over his face and neck. Kurt is mildly amused at the fact that he feels like he’s being attacked by a puppy on Christmas morning. 

“Well, hello, my Honey Bee,” he says with a giggle, which makes Blaine cry harder. _Apparently, I feel better—because I’m not sure why I find this so funny. I have my lap full of puppy, even if it’s a crying puppy._

He rolls them over playfully laying directly on top of Blaine so he can try to help get him settled down, but now Blaine has a death grip on his waist and his legs wrapped around his thighs as tight as he can. _And—now he’s a koala._

Kurt has no idea what comes over him. Perhaps he wasn’t getting the animal theme? And he wonders what it says about him that he himself went straight to “vampire” mode, but he bites Blaine’s neck and starts sucking. They have three whole days together now, and he remembers Blaine saying that he loves to be marked like this. He does try to keep it at the lower neck, though, so Blaine has choices. _Oh, wait, he has to go to counseling tomorrow—oops._ And how has all of that gone through his mind in a few seconds? He makes the next marks lower, but he keeps going back to the first one, making sure it keeps stinging. He wants Blaine to feel it.

Somewhere Blaine seems to find his voice.

“I wasn’t thinking straight—I thought maybe you went to get water, and then I realized you weren’t—weren’t—coming back,” he’s crying still, making it difficult to talk.

In all fairness, Kurt giving him hickeys where they are going to show is not helping, 

“—and—that knocked me out of my shock and hysteria real quick but then sent me into another one. I thought you—left Kurt! I couldn’t—couldn’t move—I was too scared to find out you were gone—but my heart finally told my mind to go to hell—and go find you! And—And I thought you’d be in the kitchen, or the office or the fort and I couldn’t find you—and then—and then—this was the last place—I looked!” He’s calmed down some at least thinking of his triumph.

“Well, of course, I was in the last place you looked. That is where I will always be when you are looking for me, honey.”

It takes longer than it should for Blaine to get the joke, but he starts laughing, much harder than the joke deserves. But their emotions are all over the place tonight. The laughs are much better than the sobs.

“ _Mmm_ , love the sound of your laugh,” he reaches down with his shirt and wipes Blaine’s face off, all the tears and his snotty nose, all of it (if true love isn’t this, then what is?). “And to honor the sacrifice of yet another pajama shirt tonight, I’m going to kiss you until my lips hurt.” He dives into the kiss with all the love and happiness he can try to radiate into Blaine’s body. Blaine kisses back with even more passion and love. They giggle a few times. There are smiles and teeth and tongues. It’s sloppy and silly and oh so perfect. 

“Thank you, Honey Bee! I loved that!” Kurt says as he pulls away. He rolls off of Blaine, “Should we get under the covers? It’s cold. Come on.” He turns the damp pillow he was crying into earlier over, lays down, pulls the covers back further opening his arms to Blaine. They snuggle down. He’s grateful that Blaine hasn’t said anything about their erections because he’ll be damned if they start using sex to try and solve their problems. But maybe humor will help.

“You know, I was thinking....we could order a dozen lifesize cutouts of him, and we could have the most epic party, Blaine. Let’s see on the first one, we could draw all kinds of inappropriate tattoos on him, you know, like…well, I’ll let you use your imagination. 

“We could play darts with one. Hang one upside down from the ceiling and use it as a pinata. Oh! We could use fake tanning spray on one. And what if one of them, oh my gosh, what if we chained it to a fence out in Bushwick and see what happens to it?

“We could chew up all that bubble gum I bought, remember? And we’ll stick it all over it and fold it in half and squish it together. We could take one of them on a field trip to a sewer plant—on second thought, maybe we should just send it there, I have no desire to go myself.

“Or, oh my gosh, Blaine, stand one out in one of the cow pastures in Lima. Some of these need some work, I admit, we’ll have to brainstorm some more, but...the last three have very specific purposes though, so we’ll set them aside.”

“Is that so?” Blaine asks.

“Yup! You get two all to yourself. On one, you’ll write everything you hate about him. The affairs, the manipulation, the abuse, everything he hid from you, and anything else you feel like you need to get out. You can let him have it! Tattoo it right on his face. Poke him in the eye! And that one, you can light on fire and watch it go up in smoke and disappear or any other ingenious plan you come up with. 

“And then, Blaine, on the other one, you can write all of the amazing things you did have together. The good times and things you want to remember, the parts you did love about him. I know you, and there must have been something there to love. There was something in him that was worthy of your love and affection. You do not have to be ashamed that you loved him, Blaine. You loved the him he _allowed_ you to see. You can’t keep holding yourself accountable for what you didn’t know. He no longer deserves to have any say in your life.” 

“And what about yours?” Blaine asks through his tears.

“And on mine! Oh, mine will be best of all. I’ll write a ginormous ‘Thank You!’ on his chest and bedazzle the hell out of it. _Oooooh_ and glitter glue, Blaine! When do you ever have an excuse to use glitter glue? I’m going to make it so fancy and throw it a party. Maybe I’ll even get it catered. You can come if you want. And if it wouldn’t hurt your feelings, I might add a small parenthesis under the ‘Thank You!’ that says ‘For being an asshole’ but I wasn’t sure if that might be taking it too far?”

Blaine laughs at that. 

“I am devastated for you, Blaine, that you are in pain. I am not trying to belittle that. But if he had been nice, I would have missed out on my happily ever after with you, and I’ll never be so thankful he was an absolute arse who had no idea what an amazing man you are.”

“I love you so much, Kurt.”

“I know you do, honey. And you know you don’t have to choose between us, right? It’s okay that he’s here with us for however long he needs to be. It’s okay if there is part of him that you still love—even if that confuses you. It’s okay if there is a part of you who needs to be held through the pain while you heal or when you are triggered. Love isn’t a finite resource, Blaine. There is room for all of us here in our life.” 

“I still am having a really hard time understanding that. I can’t even wrap my mind around it, to be honest.” 

“I know, sweetheart, I know. I think this is bigger than we both know how to handle. I don’t have the language to use, and I don’t want to bring something else up that isn’t the same as I did earlier bringing up my mom and brother. Even though in my mind, I can see how it’s all connected. I am so sorry that I compared it earlier. I _know_ that is the worst thing you can do when someone is hurting, and I did it anyway. I am sorry.”

“Kurt, you have nothing to apologize for. You have been nothing short of a miracle worker tonight. Please don’t do that, please. And if I promise to listen this time, will you try again? I was not in a good headspace earlier, but thinking you left snapped me right out of it, and I am more present now.”

“Okay, first, Blaine, I would _never_ leave you like that. I will never leave the house in the middle of an argument, misunderstanding, or meltdown. Find another room? Sure. But never leave. I’m so—”

“Don’t, don’t apologize. Now please, will you try to explain again.”

“Blaine. I don’t know if I should try again without help. I don’t have the same life experience as you do. I—can only explain it the way I understand it in my own heart. But there is nothing there that is a five-year relationship.”

“Kurt, please try. I really want to understand how you can tell me what you’ve been telling me all night because I don’t get it.”

Kurt takes a deep breath. 

“When we had our sex talk, Dave, Scott, and Connor were all there with us, weren’t they? Plus, some other nameless guys from both of our pasts that don’t seem that important to share the details about, right?”

“Yeah, I guess so?”

“No, Blaine, no. Either they were, or they weren’t. This matters.”

“Yes, they were, but I don’t like thinking about it like that.”

“That’s fair, but it matters, so just keep it in mind. Did we make any decisions that night based on our previous relationships for our current relationship?”

“Yes, we did.” 

“And we were super honest about it, right?”

“Yeah…”

“And when I told you why I didn’t like dirty talk and swearing, did a part of your heart shut down and say, ‘I can’t love the part of Kurt that is hurt by what Dave did to him?’”

“What?! No, Kurt!” _Trust the connection. Listen to Kurt._

Meanwhile, Kurt is thinking, _Damn, I wish the lights were on so you could see my upturned eyebrow and quizzical look that should alert you to the fact that you are missing a huge point here._

“And when I poured my heart out to you, about my size and everything that Scott did to fan those fears to the point that I was a terrified penetration virgin, did a part of your heart shut down and say, ‘I can’t love the part of Kurt that is hurt by what Scott did to him?’”

“No, no, no, no, it made me love you more. It made me want to take care of you.” _Trust the connection. Listen to Kurt._

“And what about our midnight date on Monday when we were in the middle of the incredibly hot and beautiful experience of having sex together for the first time, and I had a complete meltdown? Hovering in the corner of that magical fort like a startled deer with the horrible things Scott used to say to me going through my head about hurting you. Did a part of your heart shut down and say, ‘I can’t love the part of Kurt that is hurt by what Scott did to him, this isn’t worth it, so I guess I’ll give up now?’”

“Oh, Kurt…” Blaine is sniffling again.

_Maybe he’s finally getting this. Am I getting through at all?_

“And what about tonight when we were eating dinner, and a looming talk about money triggered Blaine about the abuse he’s endured by someone who was manipulating him financially. Did a part of Kurt’s heart shut down and say, ‘I can’t love the part of Blaine that is hurt by what Connor did to him, this isn’t worth it, so I guess I’ll give up now?’”

Blaine is definitely crying again, but silent. _Trust the connection. Listen to Kurt._

“And on Mother’s Day when I may or may not have to cry in the shower for at least an hour, because I miss her so much, and my memories of her fade more each year, will a part of your heart shut down and say, ‘I can’t love the part of Kurt that is hurt by his tragic loss?’”

“Never, Kurt, never.” 

Blaine crawls up on Kurt. He’s pressing into him hard, wrapping his arms around him, digging them between Kurt’s back and the mattress, and squeezing his legs around Kurt’s. It feels like he’s trying to press his entire soul inside of him, and Kurt understands the feeling. 

“As for the loving other people Blaine, we will always love other people, always. There is room for everyone in our hearts. Because you loved Connor or any other guy you’ve dated doesn’t mean you have less space to love me. You love your brother and your nieces and Marley and the grocery store clerk who double bags your groceries. The more love we give, the more love we have, Blaine. That is the miracle of it. I’m glad you had some good times with Connor. And if you still love those things about him, I’m happy you have some wonderful memories. I’m not scared of your love for other people, Blaine, I’m not. There is room for all of us. 

“Hate and loathing, on the other hand, baby, when we hate ourselves or other people there is less room in our hearts to love, at least in my opinion. And where we find hate inside of ourselves, that’s where we should figure out what we can do to move on from it. Trying to let it go so we can love more.” 

Blaine kisses Kurt fiercely. It’s not desperate and heated like it was earlier, but it’s full of emotion and love. Kurt kisses him back for a few minutes, but he’s not going to let it go on. He needs to know if he got through to Blaine. He finally pulls back with a final _mwwah_ on Blaine’s lips.

“Safe space. Talk to me, Blaine.”

“Thank you, honey, for explaining it the way you did. To have you think for even a second that I would love you any less because of what Dave or Scott did or said makes no sense to me at all. It makes me sick to even think about it. And I’m not sure why I can’t reverse that for myself, and allow you to have the same compassion and love for me about Connor. But I do understand what you are trying to tell me. I just—” he stops talking.

“I choose you, Blaine Anderson, just the way you are right now. You don’t need to change for me. You don’t need to be someone you aren’t. I want to love you right now. And if there are things you want to heal from and be able to move on from I’m standing right here beside you. That is my choice, not yours to make. Pushing me away for my own good is not for my own good at all. It’s actually the most selfish, cowardly decision you could ever make. It underestimates my ability to love you the way you need to be loved, my capacity for empathy, and my compassion for you. You are deciding for me that I can’t love you enough to handle your pain. And worse than all of that, you are deciding for yourself that you aren’t worthy of my love at all.”

Tears start streaming down Kurt’s face when he thinks to reverse the questions and thoughts.

“Can you even imagine if I made a decision for you like that? How would you feel? How would you feel right now knowing that I don’t think you have the capacity to love me? That I think it would be better to let you go rather than subject you to any perceived pain that may come from my trauma. To lay here holding me in your arms when I have underestimated your love so severely that it’s tearing you apart from the inside out. But you have to stay strong for me even to have a chance of fixing it. But, inside, you are secretly dying because you don’t know how long it will take to feel whole again? Because you know you will never be whole as long as I choose to believe there are limits on your love for me. And then underneath all of that, I have decided that I’m not worthy of your love, and I keep wondering if I should walk away from you for your own good.”

Blaine jumps up into a sitting position from Kurt’s chest and reaches over to turn the lamp on. The sudden burst of light startles them both, their hands fly up, shielding their eyes. 

When they finally feel like they can take their hands down, they both have the same expression of hurt, pain, confusion, love, and hope. Each praying that the other one can say something that is going to make this all better. 

“Well, damn Kurt, this is just a cluster cuss, isn’t it?”

Kurt bursts out laughing. “Oh my gosh, Blaine Anderson. Did you just quote Fantastic Mr. Fox to me?”

“See? We are soulmates. I mean, it’s the best movie ever made, am I right?” Blaine says.

“What the cuss? It is the best movie ever. How has this not come up before?” Kurt is still laughing. 

“I have no idea, but I’ll try not to quote it every five minutes for the rest of our lives. You know we haven’t watched TV or a movie at all in two weeks? I’d say that means we find each other’s company rather enjoyable, wouldn’t you?

“I would indeed, Mr. Anderson.” 

Blaine is still straddling Kurt’s lap. He reaches down and brushes away some of the tears from Kurt’s face from a few minutes ago, then smooths his hair with a few strokes.

“Kurt, I have absolutely no idea how to make amends to you or to apologize enough. When you just reversed all those questions on me, I nearly thought I was going to die. It hurt so bad. It felt like you had my heart in a vice. I have no idea how you have stayed so strong tonight if that is how you felt inside. How could you even bear to hold me when I have hurt you so badly? And yet you did because you love me. And I know I’m an idiot sometimes, Kurt, I know I am. But I love you. I love you so much, and I know you love me. If there is anyone in the world that I could believe could love someone with all of their heart and soul, it would be you, Kurt. 

“You’re right. You are right that sometimes I don’t feel worthy of it. I’m going to work on that. I promise you I am. This is no excuse, it’s absolutely not, but I need you to know that I was not in my right mind earlier. I couldn’t process what you were asking me or what we were talking about, and I made it so much worse. I know you can love me through my pain, Kurt, I do know that. I do. The question, I guess, is can I? Why am I not showing the empathy and compassion to myself that you so freely give? I will talk to my therapist about this tomorrow. Kurt, please forgive me.”

“I owe you an apology too, Blaine.”

Blaine cuts him off, “You don’t owe me anything, Kurt. You did nothing wrong.”

“Blaine, please? Let me finish?” Blaine nods with a sigh. “I should have just let all of this go earlier tonight. I should have just put us to bed when I got you out of the shower and let us sleep on all of it. At the time, I couldn’t bear the thought of waking up to it for another day, but I see now that we weren’t probably in the best headspace to have a talk like we tried to have. That’s on me, and I’m sorry I pushed it.”

“Okay, but I’m going to disagree with you politely. There is no way in hell I would have wanted to wake up to this hanging over us tomorrow. And yeah, it’s late, and we’re both hurting, but we’re working through it. We’re figuring it out, right?”

“Yeah, I— think so.”

“Kurt what can I do for you? I know you’re hurting right now. You don’t have to forgive me right now—I don’t expect it to be instant, but I am sorry.” 

“That’s just the thing, Blaine. Somehow this ended up being about me when you are the one that was screaming for help in the fetal position in your office not even two hours ago.”

“Oh, Kurt, my love, this was always about you. I walked into that office madder than hell at myself and Connor, and then I tried to rip you out of my heart to set you free from all that pain. I don’t care if I have to endure it. Connor is an asshole. He can’t feel it. But you, you are so good, Kurt. You are so amazing I didn’t want you to feel it, to be burdened with it. You deserve a beautiful life. 

“I got down on my knees for the first time in my life, and I prayed to God, who may or may not exist, to help me find a way to keep you. That scream was me wanting to believe you could love me when I felt so broken about something that I thought I had healed from. I begged him to help me know how to have Connor in my nightmares and you in my daydreams. I knew I couldn’t let you go. But I didn’t know how to keep you either without continually hurting you with this.

“And then you walked into that office, and you shocked me to my core when I realized **_I_** was the one causing **_you_** pain by trying to protect you. And then on the couch, you tell me that not only can you handle Connor being part of our life, but you can love my pain as well? _And_ I get to keep you? It was too much for me to even comprehend in my state of mind. And that doesn’t even cover everything since we’ve been in here. When you reversed those questions...I don’t think I’ll ever forget that. As I said, Kurt, I don’t know how to make amends, but I am so, so sorry.” 

“That scream was a prayer to keep me?”

“It was.”

“That was the most terrifying, gut-wrenching thing I have ever heard in my life, Blaine.”

“As I said, it was the first time I’ve ever knelt and prayed, and it was because I’ve never wanted anything so badly in my life.” 

“Oh, Blaine,” he reaches up to caress Blaine’s face, “I forgive you. Do you really, truly understand how much I love you? That is the part I’m not sure how to come back from. To have you doubt the depth of my love was—oh, Blaine,” an involuntary gasp in, a few more tears slip from his eyes. 

“I do, Kurt,” he wipes away his tears, rubs his other hand over Kurt’s heart. “Thinking you left earlier, having you reverse those questions, I do, I get it now. I still have a few issues here feeling worthy of that. Can you please let me talk to my therapist tomorrow about it and give me some time to work on it?”

“Of course I can, honey. I just—I love you so much. I wish I could help you see that you are worthy of it. I will be patient while you work through this.” He takes a deep centering breath, “ I am not kidding, though, Blaine, don’t you ever tell me you need to let me go for my own good. If you don’t love me anymore—that is one thing, but pushing me away because you do? Don’t you dare ever do that again. _Please_?” there are equal amounts of pain, terror, and panic in his voice.

“I promise you, Kurt. I can see now what it would do to us both, and I will always love you, always.” 

“Okay, then,” Kurt winks and smiles at him even with the tears.

“Okay, then,” he kisses two fingers and presses them to Kurt’s heart.

“Now, kiss me, and make it a really good one, Mr. Anderson.”

“With pleasure Mr. Hummel.”

His fingers move to catch Kurt’s jaw, swipes his thumb over Kurt’s lips several times, staring at them before he lowers himself, stretching his body to lay across Kurt’s, tangling their legs together. “I love you,” he whispers as he finally presses his lips down into Kurt’s, the heat melting some of the tension of the night, their skin tingles as hope and love rise to the surface, completely surrendering to their soulbond. 

\------------------------------

“Baby, okay, baby, when I said make it a good one, I had no idea what I was asking for,” Kurt says before he giggles and simultaneously tries to get some air in his lungs, “Air, air is required to keep living to love you, honey.”

“Damn, details of life keep getting in the way,” Blaine says teasingly. He is just as breathless, and his skin has a warm feeling to it like he’d break out in a full sweat if that had gotten any more heated. Not that he would have complained, but the reality is that something is still hanging over their heads, and he hates it. 

_There is only one way to kick Connor out of this relationship, and that is to move through any pain that is still here, face it head-on, face the demons as Kurt put it. No matter how hard it gets. Otherwise, he’s going to be lurking in the shadows— and he’s not worth it._ **_He can’t have this_ ** _. He’s not taking this from me too. Oh. My. Gosh. And. Wow. That’s it!—YES! Finally!_

Triumph and strength fill his soul. Maybe from his prayer being answered. Maybe from Kurt’s love. Possibly from both. _But, right...right! He can’t have this. Connor has no power over me! I know how to stand up for myself now. I just temporarily forgot in my panic. I’ll figure this out, what triggers me, so that I can work through this in the future...but..._

“Kurt! Kurt! Oh my gosh, Kurt! He can’t have this!” He bolts up and sits cross-legged on the bed knocking the covers off them. He shivers, but it’s a good shiver. He’s releasing a weird feeling that has been possessing him all night.

“What’s wrong? You sound elated and freaking out at the same time?” He sits up, too, and grabs Blaine’s hands in his, rubbing his thumbs over his knuckles soothingly. 

“No, Kurt, I just realized he can’t have this. If there is one thing that therapy has taught me, it’s how to stand up for myself. I wasn’t great at that with Connor, so I had a little relapse tonight but, honey! I can stand up for myself. I _will_ stand up for myself. And **_he can’t have this_**!”

“Have what, baby?” his chest is filling with tingles. Hope for Blaine. Anticipation. Is Blaine...

“Us! He can’t have us,” he’s flailing his arms wildly between them, “and I’m ready to stand up and fight. He can’t have this! He can’t touch us or what we have, Kurt!”

Kurt grabs Blaine’s face with both hands and kisses him zealously. It’s filled with pride and excitement, even if it’s only for a few seconds. Blaine must have more to say because he pulls back giddy.

“Listen, it’s like what maybe 11:20 or something? There are forty minutes left of today. What if we talk about Connor and see how much of him we can leave here today? Then we won’t have to take so much of him into tomorrow, Kurt!” Blaine is beaming and bouncing. He has found an untapped wellspring of strength inside of himself.

“And maybe eventually, there will be a day, and then a week, and then two weeks, and then a month, and then a year that will go by where Connor isn’t here. Oh my gosh, Kurt! Yes! I want to face this head-on with you by my side. I can do this. We can do this. You—Kurt, YOU! Knowing that you love me and we can talk about this, oh my gosh. I’m such an idiot, honey! I’m really starting to get it, oh my gosh!”

Blaine is radiating happiness and light like Kurt has never seen before. Here in the middle of the extra bedroom, Blaine has found himself. It’s the most miraculous thing Kurt thinks he’s ever witnessed. He’s startled out of his reverie when Blaine jumps off the bed. _He’s a puppy, a real honest to goodness puppy in a man’s body. I couldn’t love this new Blaine any more than I do. He looks like he’s about to bounce off the walls._

Kurt just keeps smiling and nodding, and he can’t help but bounce a little bit too. “Blaine, if you are ready or need to talk about Connor, I am too.”

“Yes, yes, okay, yes! Where to begin? Do you care if I just spill my guts out to you? It might not be in any order or make any sense but let me get this all out. It feels like all of these feelings, these experiences have been cold black tar stuck to my bones, poisoning me— but, the last two years in therapy, I’ve been scraping it away one tiny patch at a time. Which is fine, whatever—I’ve made so much progress. But Kurt! Now? It’s like all of a sudden the tar is warming up, it’s hot and finally melting, pooling up on my tongue, and maybe, I can get it all out!”

“Oh, my hell, Blaine! You really are a songwriter! Let it out, honey. I’m right here, let it out!”

Blaine is pacing the room, gesticulating with every word. “Okay, oh gosh, so Connor worked in real estate. He was an agent and I thought he was a talented, successful one. He seemed to be this dashing, handsome, man, you know? Anyway, Connor is every inch a con man. I know that now; his name was so fitting. He has one exceptional skill—he can read people. And I’m not talking in the good way _you_ read people, geez, you are an angel from heaven. Sorry—tangent, but you are.

"But he could read people and could instantly pick up on their weaknesses and fears. It's like he could smell it on you. I didn't know this, of course, I didn't. I better not keep saying that. Let's just go with the obvious statement that, of course, I didn't know any of this. 

"I'm sure his assessment of me was something like: rich kid set to inherit a fortune, just making his way in the world, has daddy issues, wants to be loved more than anything, wants to feel like he belongs, too trusting, sees the best in people, career ambitions, wants to be famous. 

"Damn, okay, moving on… so he pretty much swept me off my feet. You know what? That just isn't true at all, and I knew it, even then I knew it. It was more like he swept me up into a— a lifestyle or a dream that wasn't real. I don't know but…” He stops and thinks for a minute, it looks like he’s searching his memories.

“So. We started dating, and at first, I didn’t notice it. But I was paying for almost everything like it didn’t really matter to me because I was young and showing off. And he would pay just enough to keep me second-guessing myself. We did have fun, though, Kurt. I can’t lie about that. We laughed and joked and treated life carelessly. Two wealthy young men in New York, the only thing that mattered was building our careers. I loved my music, Kurt. Oh, the life I had, writing at such a young age, and I was a bit of a novelty graduating from Juilliard but wanting to write songs for pop stars. We lived a fast-paced life, and he encouraged me in my career. Or so I thought. The long hours I worked didn’t bother him. He always seemed so understanding and whatever. I thought he worked long hours, too. It was just like, whatever. It was all under the guise of ‘supportive boyfriends.’ Little did I know where he really was while I was off working my ass off.

“I was never really ecstatically happy with our relationship. But I was never super unhappy either. I already told you I felt alone a lot of the time, but I didn’t slow down long enough to worry about it. It’s not like I had ever felt loved since I came out of the closet, so I don’t think I knew. We went to parties and hosted parties at my house— we were always at my house. 

“And somewhere in there, it became par for the course that I would lavish expensive gifts on him like watches and suits and electronics, and I can’t even think of what now. Just stuff, so much stuff, and I did it happily because it made him so happy, and it was easier than figuring out if there was something wrong with it. 

“Do you know Kurt, in the entire time we were together, five-plus years, we never called each other anything sweet? There was never a honey, baby, or sweetheart between us? I mean, we had stupid nicknames sometimes that would last maybe a month. And now that I think about it, some of them were meant to put me down. They were condescending—but disguised as endearments. _Ughhgg_. Anyway, I digress. But now that I understand what real love looks like, I don’t know how I ever thought we loved each other, Kurt?”

Kurt takes a deep breath. “Baby, you know it now, and that is what matters. Don’t keep lashing yourself over and over for the choices you made in the past. You are no longer that person. You are the amazing man standing here today. Today you would make different choices, and that is how life is, Blaine. It means you’re learning, growing, becoming a better you each day. You can’t keep beating yourself up over the past.”

“Oh, Kurt, I love you so much.” He walks over to the bed and leans over and gives Kurt a smack on the lips, but then he’s right back to pacing again.

"So umm. I don't even know how to explain it. Little by little, he started manipulating me. I hate this word, but he technically was gaslighting me. My therapist has had to help me pick that apart and unpack it. He figured out how to control me little by little and didn't hesitate to do it. The sex, Kurt, he...I didn't stand up for myself. I tried and tolerated many things I didn't like or want. He made me believe I did, but later—I realized—oh god. And the porn—I've talked to you about this already. Still, it got to the point where, well let's just say we— it was rarely sweet and that was, _ugh_. 

“I just, yeah, I've talked to my therapist, and it doesn't feel right talking to you about it because I don't want to take any of that into our bedroom— _eww_ no, oh hell no! And Kurt, holy hell, I don't. You have to know that, please tell me you know that?" Blaine takes a breath as if he's going to let Kurt answer, but his eyes go wide, and his jaw drops.

"Oh my gosh, Kurt! I just realized that. We've had sex—"

Kurt's eyebrows shoot up with a quizzical look full of humor. He has to laugh.

"No, no. I mean it's the first sex I've had with another person since the breakup, and I didn't think about it that way once. Huh. Well, that’s good, right? It probably has to do with the fact that you are brilliant in bed. I have no idea how the hell I got so lucky. But freaking hell, Kurt! You are so—phenomenal! The way you kiss me and how responsive you are to me? And the way you know just what I need before...

"Uhm. I'm getting awkwardly hard right now? Not that I wasn't half hard from you kissing me before. But yeah, let's move on because we are going to leave all of this here, in today, and then I'm going to kiss you all night if you'll let me."

"Oh, I'll let you. So keep going!" 

"Let's skip to the end because let's just say years one through four were all very much the same: gifts, work, so much work, manipulation, awards, parties, dinners, shopping, galas, yadda, yadda, boilerplate statement. 

"So then year five, I started wondering where some of the gifts I got him were. They seemed to be lost, left at work, given away, out of style, donated to auctions, it all sounded so very innocent. But that was one of the biggest alarm bells that ever went off, but it didn't seem to mean anything. During one of my more questioning periods of time where I was feeling things were off, he came in all knight in shining armor, signing my praises, telling me everything I ever needed to hear about belonging and how he loved me, which by the way we didn't say often, but we were two guys. 

“I don’t know why I justified so much with that phrase. ‘Well, we’re just two guys building our careers’ or ‘Well, we’re just two guys, feelings are messy!’ Geez Kurt, what was I thinking? —Okay, wait, ...right not going to beat myself up for not seeing that. Anyway! He asked me to marry him, and I was shocked—and I didn’t know how to say no. I wanted it to be right because dealing with a breakup seemed worse, because I couldn't figure out what was wrong. I thought we loved each other, I guess. I don’t know. So I said yes. 

“But looking back, there was a faint echo in the back of my mind that was telling me how shallow it all was. But there he is with a ring and a promise, and oh, guess what? Talk of engagement gifts, and won’t that be fun? Yeah. Anyway, he moved in with me. And what’s crazy is he _did_ come home to me every night when I wasn’t working late or out of town for work. I suppose he wanted his prize dick and to keep up the pretense.” Blaine makes a “ta-dah” motion at his crotch when he says it.

Kurt visibly shudders, holds his hands over his stomach. He feels like he might throw up the way Blaine referred to himself as some sort of trophy for Connor. _What a sick bastard this guy was._

“I really never suspected the affairs. I suspected things with the money and didn’t like the way he talked to me. Remember, I told you he used to call me a ‘cuddle whore,’ that is precisely what I mean about him. He said it in the most affectionate voice, but he was subtly controlling me, putting me in my place all the time. So then it all hit the fan—but in slow motion. We weren’t in a great place at that time. I started pulling back. Something felt wrong; by then. I did try to start listening to the alarm bells. Once we lived together, it was harder to hide that he wasn’t earning big commission checks anymore. He’d tell me real estate was just in a slump, not to worry though, he had the next big thing coming right up a listing or a pending sale. Yeah, it was all weird.” He shrugs, his eyes are pensive as he searches his thoughts.

“And then one day, after a silent breakfast and a ‘See you later,’ I went to work, and there was my life plastered on every gossip page, blog and local news channel—cameras, microphones, and questions being shoved in my face before I could even take a breath. We already did this the other night. You saw some of the articles, the headlines, the pictures. I think my favorite was ‘Playboy Plays the Rich!’ And there in print—all of his conquests’ pictures lined up on the page along with private investigator photos of him with almost all of us. I felt like it was a mugshot of me, there for everyone to see I had been deceived so thoroughly. 

“Oh my gosh, Kurt, I felt like such an idiot. Not only was I engaged to him, but I am the one that lived with him that last year! And... To be publicly humiliated like that, along with losing someone I thought loved me, and I loved him in my own way. I knew it wasn’t perfect, but I still did care for him, Kurt. Five years, Kurt, five years, and we were never in such a bad place that I thought he didn’t care for me,” Blaine sighs but keeps pacing, gaining more momentum.

“So he would find people using his evil spidey sense to root out their weakness and get them to take him on vacations, buy him gifts, set him up with monthly allowances, and in some cases guess what? The apartment he did have for the few years when I did visit his house, oh, take a guess!”

“Kept man,” Kurt says with a disgusted look on his face.

“You better believe it! I mean hot damn! So he would liquidate the gifts, sell them at pawn shops, or even regift them. And here’s the craziest thing, none of it was illegal. He was so careful. He didn’t do a damn thing wrong. Everything was willingly given to him. And as far as anyone knows, he never stole so much as a paper clip from our houses. So he walked away totally free, no consequences to be paid except the media circus. He just tucked his tail between his proverbial legs for a few months.

“I’m sure he’s right back out there doing it again somewhere. Oh! And! And! He had lost his job in real estate somewhere in there, but we all thought he still was an agent. He had cards and a cell phone, pretended to work, he used that as a cover most of the time under the pretense of appointments with clients! Rotating through his lovers like days of the week underwear. It was quite brilliant actually! It’s exactly why I never suspected anything. I mean, he always came home to me on the nights I wasn’t killing myself with my career. I mean, why would I think anything of him being around the city all day?” 

Kurt gasps. “Freaking hell, Blaine.” 

“I know, right!?” Blaine is all smiles and laughing and still pacing, and Kurt barely recognizes him like this, especially talking about Connor. “Oh! And I forgot to tell you the best part. So like, one of the husbands goes all batshit crazy because he knows, you know? He knows his wife is having an affair. So he hires this private investigator that spent three months figuring this all out, which he did.

“But then he realizes he can sell the story, so he does to like every gossip column in the entire state! It was like a movie, Kurt. You can’t make this stuff up! Wait! Why haven’t ever really thought of it that way before? 

“Seriously, I was like the starring role, or actually I guess I would be a co-star since you know he’s the prick that would get to be the lead in the movie. But they’d make him out to be a total asshole, so really that would be okay, wouldn’t it?

“And you know what? OH MY GOSH, KURT! I’m the one in the movie who gets to live the ‘happily ever after’ and be redeemed! And everyone at the end of the movie is like ‘YES! You go live your best life! Get your revenge on that bastard by never thinking about him again.’ OH! OH! OH! Kurt! Kurt! 

“They would do like a camera pan to us all married and stuff and honeymooning in St. Lucia. The classic shot of light reflecting off our platinum wedding bands in the morning sun. Your’s needs a sapphire to match your eyes, baby. We’d have the smuggest looks on our faces like we just had the hottest sex on the planet. We probably did. Dammit, I’m so horny for you right now. 

“And everyone would clap and cheer and hoot and holler. Because the best revenge truly would be a well-lived and well-loved life without sparing him a second thought. And—and—OH KURT! He can’t touch us or what we have! I need to say that like a hundred more times tonight! KURT!” 

His voice is borderline happy, shouting right now, and he’s bouncing. He’s getting it for the first time in two years. He’s getting it. “The insane part of the movie with the bad guy is over, isn’t it? Now I get the camera pan at the end and the happy ending with you, Kurt, with you! We can live our forever in the fade to black that people go home and write fanfiction about Kurt! Oh my gosh!” His eyes go wide as saucers.

“We get to live our forever in fanfiction? Can you imagine?” He blushes, and his mind is wandering off to all kinds of crazy places.

“Better be careful. If I didn’t know any better, that whole epiphany sounded an awful lot like a marriage proposal Mr. Anderson,” Kurt wiggles his eyebrows and unconsciously does his little patented shoulder shimmy.

Blaine’s face lights up, even more, the grin he’s sporting is ear to ear. “Oh, Kurt, it can be anything you want it to be. Do you want to get married? We should totally get married, let’s get married!” His eyebrows shoot up and down a few times. He’s so adorable. “But for the love of all that is holy, can we please, please go have sex now, like right now? Let’s play, enjoy each other—I have never been so free and happy in my whole life. And I need to be connected to you like five minutes ago. I need you to soak up some of this love and happiness from my skin. I want to share it with you! Please let me?”

“To our bed then, Mr. Anderson-Hummel?” Kurt winks.

“To our bed.” Blaine looks like an animated gif with hearts coming out of his eyes.

As he’s tugging Kurt down the hall, he says in the silliest, sexiest voice, “And maybe tomorrow we can write a story about St. Lucia?”

\----~---------------------~---

A curly-haired man is tangled up in bed. It’s hard to tell where he starts, and Kurt ends. He’s elated, radiating joy, smiling, still bouncing his leg unconsciously. Thinking about how the weight has been lifted from him. He feels light like he’s no longer carrying around all that heavy, black sludge inside of him. He has never felt better in his life.

“You did this, Kurt. You saved me.”

“No, Blaine, you did this.   
You went to therapy for two years, faithfully. You did that.  
You accepted my love for you was real. You did that.  
You trusted that I was telling the truth that you could talk to me. You did that.  
You were brave enough to talk. You did that.  
You put all the pieces together. You did that.  
No, Blaine, you saved yourself. You did this.  
I just had the great honor of loving you while you did it.”

“Hmmm, well _I_ think you loved the pain right out of me, Kurt Hummel. And I’m pretty sure the celebratory orgasms were all your doing.”

“Well yes, okay, I’ll take at least partial credit for those.”

“Good. I’ve never laughed so hard or felt so good making love like that.”

“I guess it goes without saying that I haven’t either.”

“Kurt?”

“Yes, honey?”

“I wasn’t kidding about getting married.”

“I know you weren’t, my Honey Bee.”

“When it’s time, we will.”

“I know, sweetheart.”

“Kurt?”

“Yes, baby?”

“We had the most insane roller coaster of a day, didn’t we?”

“We did.”

“Kurt?”

“Yes, darling?”

“Welcome home, my love.”

He answers that with the world’s most passionate kiss, in a bed they now call ‘ours.’

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warnings for this Chapter:** Detailed Descriptions of Consensual Sex, Blow Jobs, Grinding, Anger, Mentions of Gaslighting/Cheating/Sexual Abuse, Severe Meltdown, Anxiety, _**Mixed with a whole lot of FLUFF. These boys love each other so much.**_
> 
> **Authors Notes:**  
>  Oh my gosh, my heart barely made it through writing this chapter. Once again these boys had ideas and stories that needed telling. That scene from Blaine in his office...I sobbed.  
>   
> [GLEE - Blackbird (Full Performance) (Official Music Video)  
>  ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l-cZ_ElJ1oA)[Chapter title comes from this song]  
> [  
>  ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l-cZ_ElJ1oA)[Blackbird Meaning and Symbolism & what it means](https://www.richardalois.com/symbolism/blackbird-meaning-and-symbolism)
> 
> The marriage thing may seem a little too soon but the timeline of this story is based on a true story, don't forget. :)
> 
> Also, this is the longest chapter by far in the whole book. 
> 
> \------  
> You can find artwork (and aesthetics aka "mood boards") and other related posts to this chapter on my Tumblr page [GleefulPoppet](https://gleefulpoppet.tumblr.com/), I'll be adding things over the next month. And I try to add the artwork to the chapter each night as well. 
> 
> [Click Here to See Larger on Tumblr](https://gleefulpoppet.tumblr.com/post/632726499683876864/chapter-18-take-these-broken-wings-and-learn-to)


	19. Friday: Get Your Heart Racing

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Word Count: 11k+ [Warnings can be found in the notes if you need them]

“Good morning, Sunshine.”

“Morning, Honey Bee. I will never, ever get tired of waking up to you saying that to me.”

“ _Mmmm_ , well, that’s good because I never plan on stopping.”

“Happy Friday the 13th,” Kurt says with a laugh. He doesn’t know why that thought has been going through his head this morning.

“Wait, what, today isn’t...”

“I know, baby, but it’s Friday, and today is our 13th date. I mean, you know for the agreement.”

“Oh! Well yes! Happy Friday the 13th, then! I’m sorry we’re behind on our milestone conv—” 

Kurt puts a finger over his lips, shushing him. “Don’t, honey, don’t. We are exactly where we should be.”

“Today, we will, though, okay? I promise,” Blaine says, leaning down to kiss Kurt’s forehead.

“I look forward to it. We’ve got this, honey. We got through yesterday. We’ll get through the next thing and then the next, and we’ll do it together.”

“We will,” Blaine says, smiling, thinking about yesterday. He still feels so light, “I feel like a helium balloon. I used to feel something so heavy inside me all the time. After last night, it’s just gone.”

“I’m so proud of you, Blaine. I’m so in love with you.”

“I love you, too, so much. Thank you for everything yesterday, Kurt. I don’t know how you found the strength to do what you did.” 

“I found my strength in my love for you and in our soulbond. It kept whispering to me to keep calm for you.”

Blaine sits straight up in bed. “It whispers that to me sometimes too, ‘Keep calm for Kurt,’ but yesterday I heard something else, ‘Listen to Kurt.’”

“Oh yes, well, I like that. Good soulbond. Smart soulbond,” he snickers.

“I did try so hard. I really did.”

“I know you did. And we’re good.” Kurt keeps his gaze sharing a silent, ‘I love you,’ between them.

“Kurt,” Blaine reaches down and sweeps the wayward strands of hair off his forehead. “I never said anything yesterday, but that song, the way you held me, sang to me, I—it was so perfect and beautiful. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, honey. Now let’s face this amazing day. You ready? I don't know about you, but I need a shower so badly. And we’ve got to change these sheets, and yeah, come on, up, up, let’s get going.”

Blaine pouts, “Not even a few morning kisses?”

“Alexa! Set a timer for five minutes!” Kurt laughs at Blaine’s eyebrows shooting up with hope.

“Alexa! [Play](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BFkTu8Y1KLs&list=RDbVAT-qvHK08&index=7) ‘Have it All’ by Jason Mraz,” Blaine commands.

“Five minutes?” Blaine gives Kurt a flirty look.

“Five minutes,” Kurt says as he pulls Blaine down and top of him and starts kissing him.

\------------------------------

They spend the late morning taking a lazy shower, appreciating each other’s bodies, touching, scrubbing, massaging, kissing everywhere, but it never really gets too heated. They were up more than half the night “playing,” so they both feel satiated, nothing urgent except to be near each other. 

They fix breakfast together, eating in the fort one last time before they take it down. It makes Kurt a little sad, but he knows it’s time. They’ll put it up again someday when the time is right. It might be for a special occasion or no reason at all, but it will be perfect when they do. They have to take a break when they are laughing so hard, trying to get the mattress back in the second guest bedroom. Kurt wonders how in the world Blaine did that by himself the first time. 

They roll up the twinkle lights. Kurt thinks about how it will be Christmas sooner than they know, he’ll be graduating then, too. So much will change in the next eight weeks. They fold up the blankets, throw in a load of laundry, make out a few times, and get the dishes done while singing “Have it All” together. Blaine got that song stuck in their head this morning, not that Kurt is complaining. 

“You really don’t have to come with me, Kurt.”

“I know I don’t, but I would like to if it’s okay with you.”

“I mean, of course, I’d love to have you come, but I just, you don’t have to.”

“Blaine?” He grabs his cheeks, pressing against his jaw, “I want to be there. Thank you for letting me,” and he seals it with a kiss.

On the car ride over, Blaine is quiet but bouncing his leg, a massive smile on his face. Kurt lets him have this time to think; he doesn’t want to interrupt. This appointment will be a big deal, Blaine had a big epiphany last night, but neither of them is naive enough to think it’s going to fix it overnight. 

But, Blaine knows that he made more progress last night than he’s made the previous two years combined, and that is saying something. Somehow seeing it as a movie script made all the difference because that is sort of what it was. Connor was playing a _character_ , a role, a deceiver, and a liar. He was a master actor for his part—it truly was an Academy Award-winning performance. And Blaine, _unknowingly_ , was his co-star. 

Somehow, what Kurt had said about “how today he would make different choices” was so profound, and Blaine knows that it’s true. He _isn’t_ the person he was then. Now he gets the starring role. It’s his life now, his script, his movie, and his happily ever after. Why the hell would he let Connor even have a cameo in his nightmares? It helps him understand it all in a way he never has before. He can’t wait to tell his therapist. 

\------------------------------

The room is not exactly what he expected, which eases his mind some. He was dreading walking into a sterile waiting room type of environment with hard chairs two inches apart if you were lucky. But Blaine’s therapist's office is cozy. Three cream linen covered overstuffed chairs with pillows, a floor rug with cream, tan, and blue geometric designs. A gorgeous linen couch lines the wall, with throw pillows that have branches on them. 

On the wall, there is a picture of a tree that has a path diverging in front of it. One is breaking off to the left, one to the right. The symbolism isn't lost on him. A stunning watercolor painting of an owl in creams and tans hangs on the wall in the far left corner. It has a sense of serenity to it. Kurt’s thoughts are caught up in the symbolism of the owl, too, _wisdom_.

Whoever designed this office paid attention to detail. Everything here is purposeful and evokes a feeling. There is even a basket with two soft blue blankets in it. On the table is a pale blue box of tissues, a modern gold floor lamp in the corner, a bookshelf filled with beautiful landscape photography books to look through. There’s not a trashy magazine in sight. For forty minutes, he sits and breathes. Tries to push positive vibes of love, hope, and energy to Blaine, who is in his session. It's good for him to be here to get used to the office before their appointment next week.

“Kurt, baby?” Blaine gently kisses him on the top of the head. Apparently, he was meditating deeper than he realized. He was so lost in thought he didn’t hear Blaine call him the first time from the door.

“Sorry, I was thinking.”

“No worries, but if you want to, she’d like to meet you real quick. I have five minutes left will you come back with me?”

“Of course.” Since they appear to be the only ones here he stands up and quickly gives Blaine a peck on the lips. “Lead on, good sir.” They walk into one of the three therapy rooms in the back. 

A woman stands up from the chair to meet Kurt. She’s almost the same height as he is. Her skin is a glowing dark chocolate brown. Her hair is black and thick, hundreds of tiny spiral curls creating a bob about chin length. It’s quirky; Kurt loves it. Her smile is radiant. Her teeth are so white, Kurt wants to ask who her dentist is. She has kind, espresso brown eyes behind her stylish black glasses.

She reaches out her hand, “Kurt, I am so thrilled to meet you. I’m Robin Everly. Blaine has told me so much about you.”

“I’m happy to meet you as well. Blaine has told me nothing but good things about you, too.” 

“Shall we sit down for a few minutes?” She has already noticed how they look at each other. The way they are always touching in some way, the joy Blaine has when he looks at Kurt. Secretly she is so happy for Blaine. He’s worked so hard, been so faithful to his future, trying to get better. Trying to _be_ better.

“So, Kurt, I just wanted to introduce myself. I’ve talked to Blaine, and it sounds like we’re going to try a few joint sessions as part of Blaine’s therapy with me, and then we’ll get you both into couples counseling two times a month. Are you okay with that?”

“Yes, I am. I want to give us our best chance.”

“That is wonderful to hear, Kurt.” 

“I already have Blaine’s permission to talk about this, but I love to see how happy he is, and he assures me a lot of it has to do with you helping him see things in new ways. It sounds like you two have had insightful conversations already. I’m just here to support both of you, okay? If you ever have questions or concerns, don’t hesitate to ask.”

“Thank you. Blaine has made me very happy as well.” 

“Love it. Kurt, if you decide that you would like to have your own appointments with another therapist, that is okay. This isn’t only about what Blaine needs, or what you two need as a couple. You need to take care of yourself, too, alright?”

“Thank you, but for now, I’d like to just start with this.”

“Perfect. Before I let you gentlemen go, I would like to tell you how impressed I am with how you’ve been handling this relationship. You two should be very proud of how far you’ve come. Some of the conversations Blaine has told me about, some couples haven’t had after years of being together. So keep it up. You guys are doing great. We’ll talk more next week once we have Kurt set up as a patient here, alright?” She gets up again and shakes both of their hands, and shows them to the door.

“Thank you, Robin,” Blaine says with a sincere smile. 

“It was great to meet you, Dr. Everly,” Kurt says. 

“You too. And if you feel comfortable, you are welcome to call me Robin, alright?”

“Thank you.” 

\------------------------------

After filling out copious amounts of paperwork, they are in a car headed out to lunch at a restaurant far enough away from Manhattan that hopefully, no one will recognize them.

“I liked her, Blaine. Thank you for that soft introduction. That helped ease some of my anxiety about next week.”

“She wanted to meet you. I did hope it would help, though.”

“It did. I can’t help but wonder if she thinks we're impetuous, though. It’s been two weeks, Blaine. And you proposed to me last night, remember that?” he says before he shows a mischievous smile.

Blaine lets out a loud exhale of breath mixed with a bit of hysterical laughter.

“Yeah, I guess I did,” he winks. “But I promise you I can do better than that when we're ready. I mean, I was in my pajamas, and we had the craziest day ever.”

“Yes, well, I can imagine you could come up with something extraordinary, but sometimes moments like those are what we’ll treasure forever, you know?”

“I do know, Kurt. I do.”

“Do you wonder how we’ll know? I mean, when it’s time? In my heart, I would go to the courthouse with you now, but in my brain, I can’t bear the thought of defending our choice to the world. It’s a weird feeling. I guess it goes in the journal with all our other 'too much, too soon,' yeah?” Kurt’s looking out the window as the thoughts spill freely from his mouth. It’s such a weird feeling to know for sure what you want but realize you can’t have it.

“For now, yeah. But for the record, Kurt. I’d go with you now, too.”

\------------------------------

Their lunch consists of a serious amount of blushing and whispered words that shouldn't be said in public. Why now, of all moments, Blaine decides he needs to bring up the St. Lucia fanfiction is beyond Kurt's ability to comprehend. I mean, they’re safely tucked away at home most of the time. Shouldn’t they keep this kind of talk at home? He can’t deny something is thrilling about it as well. It feels rebellious somehow, so he indulges for a good ten minutes until he has to softly kick Blaine under the table and say, “Shhhhhh,” for the third time. Kurt is all for Blaine using the movie metaphor for his healing. But this fanfiction thing is hilarious. Blaine is a teenager in a man’s body. And maybe that is why Kurt needed to find an older man because Kurt is an older man in a young man’s body. They even each other out, and sort of meet in the middle. No wonder Kurt found guys his own age intolerable. 

“You know, Kurt. If I had known we were going to have a three-day weekend, I would have kidnapped you and taken you away from New York.” 

“Yes, well, how far do you think we could have gotten on $25, honey?”

“Oh, damn. Right, right. Well, next time you have a three-day weekend, can we go away somewhere?

“Let’s see how it goes, honey. I’d love that, but let’s get through our talk today first, okay? And except for adjusting my schedule at Vogue on Fridays, I don’t think I should miss any more work or school—so the next time would be Thanksgiving. What do you usually do?”

“Oh, geez. Can we not open the family can of worms until Sunday?” he says, dramatically rolling his eyeballs. “But to answer your question, I usually fulfill an obligation to see my parents. However, I am more than willing to sacrifice that particular horror if you have better ideas.” 

“Oh, I don’t know. I think it will depend on how school is going. I’ll only have a few weeks left by then. I could be up to my eyeballs in homework and projects. Oh wow, yeah. It’s all happening so fast.” 

“You are going to be so busy. Alright, so how about this then? How about we go home and take a nap while we still can,” Blaine starts laughing, “We can dream of St. Lucia. It will almost be the same thing?”

Kurt’s head goes back, exposing his long neck as he lets out a laugh that has relief in it, “Yeah, almost the same,” he winks. “But you know what, Blaine? It sounds perfect.” 

\------------------------------

“So, how was it?” Kurt asks while kissing up Blaine’s neck, breathing into his ear. “I hope I was limber enough and generous with the orgasms?”

Blaine laughs, grabs Kurt by the waist, and pulls him up on top of him, “Oh honey, you were so good to me.”

“ _Mmmm_ , I would hope so. I better be treating you right, even your dreams,” Kurt purrs into his chest.

“You are amazing to me in my dreams, my love, but nothing could ever compare to reality.” Blaine rubs his back and kisses the top of his head.

“Good. Even if I’m only competing with myself,” he kisses Blaine and then laughs. “And my darling, as much as I would love to ravish you right now—your curls are driving me insane. I really think we better have our talk? We’ve put it off two days now? Are you feeling like you can? I want to make sure we are mindful of anything that may trigger you again?”

“Oh, honey, I promise I’m fine. I’m in such a good headspace right now. Come on, give me a great big smooch, and then we’ll go talk, okay?”

They get lost in that great big smooch for twenty minutes, but they aren’t counting.

\------------------------------

Once again, all cuddled up on their “talking spot” on the couch with their journal, Kurt starts the conversation. “So, here we go, honey. I didn’t overly plan for this one, I have some questions I know we need to cover, but I was assuming you’d have things that are important to you, too.”

“Honey, you’re shaking. This is going to be okay. We’ll get through this, alright?” Blaine is rubbing Kurt’s legs. He took back his usual spot of sitting with Kurt lying down, his legs in his lap.

“Yes, you’re right. I am just wondering how I assigned myself to lead the discussions on sex and money when those are the two areas I am most unqualified.”

“Because, baby, you needed to feel like you had some control over your fears. That is very much how you handle things, and it’s admirable. So let’s start somewhere and see where it takes us.”

“Okay. Well, do we handle this like a ‘hey we’re new boyfriends’ and take it easy, or are we going straight for the truth which is ‘sooner rather later we’re getting married’ so let’s get naked and dive into the deep end, holding nothing back?”

“Sooner than later, huh? Well, that makes me a very happy man. And I’m all for getting naked. I know I’m being silly, but there is no point in playing in the shallow end of the pool with this, honey.” 

“Okay, so, we start somewhere then. I mean, the biggest question I’d want to ask me if I were you is how much debt do you have? So let’s just go there. I’ve been going to school more than full time for almost seven years. So I’ve had to take out student loans, and you have to know that NYADA and Parson’s are two of the most expensive colleges I could have possibly chosen. So I have about $170,000 in school loans combined. I was lucky enough to get a ton of scholarships and financial aid, and my dad shocked the hell out of me with some money to help when I graduated high school, but Parsons is about $50K a year so…”

“Kurt, honey, it’s okay. You are so talented. I’m glad you invested in yourself. I’m sure that amount seems terrifying to you, but I’m not worried about it, so don’t freak out for my sake about student loans, alright?”

“Thank you, Blaine. It hangs over me like the plague, though. I hate it so much. But I wanted these two degrees, and I wanted to get it done as fast as possible. I’ll probably be working it off the next twenty years. But if it makes you feel any better, I only have one credit card for emergencies. It has a $2000 limit on it, and it’s only got a small balance on it. I had to get some books for school I hadn’t anticipated. Otherwise, I live pretty frugally. I mean, I usually live at work or school. The last few weeks have been the craziest in my life in the last six and a half years! I buy and sell my clothes at a local consignment shop and sometimes on eBay so that I can rotate my wardrobe. I’ve made it work somehow.” 

“Holy hell, Kurt. You have less than $2000 in personal debt as a student? Every single day I grow more impressed with you.”

“Well, gee, thanks, my good sir.”

“And when is your lease up in Bushwick?” Blaine asks.

“The end of December.”

“Oh, wow, that is coming right up.”

“Yeah, I’ve been there for a long time. When I signed the lease, it seemed so far away. I signed for four years so I could get locked into a rate. The guy thought I was kidding.” 

“So would you want to give up your apartment then, for sure?”

“Well, I, mean, I, yeah, if, you, I mean—”

“Baby, I want you here permanently whenever you are ready. That is up to you, not me. I want you to feel like you are home here, love.”

“I do, Blaine. It’s weird, but I do feel at home here already. So yes, I’d like to give up the apartment for sure then. We can talk about how that will work later, I guess? Like do I sell all my stuff or—”

“Anything you want to keep is welcome here. We’ll make room for it, and I wanted to talk to you about this at some point, but I feel like it’s extremely important for you to have your own space where you can go when you need alone time. That is yours to do with as you please. So I thought we could turn the second extra bedroom into a studio for you?”

Kurt inhales and looks at Blaine with wide eyes as a half-smile curls up at the corner of his mouth. “Are you serious?”

“Of course I am, honey. I know it’s smallish, I feel bad about that, but when Cooper and the kids come, or your parents, we’ll want the bigger extra bedroom for them to stay with us, right? I was thinking we could put a desk for you in the office, too. I don't need all that space in there. It’s huge for just me! So we could share an office and then we’d each have a room that is ours. I’ll have my boxing room, and you’ll have your studio.”

“I don’t know what to say, Blaine. That is just...wow. Thank you. I—”

“You’re welcome, love. You need somewhere to call your own. It’s important to me.”

Kurt reaches down and squeezes Blaine’s hand that is rubbing his legs. “Thank you. I love you so much, my Honey Bee.”

“Love you, too.” 

“And this is the part where I feel like a bumbling schoolboy. I mean, how do we talk about finances when the divide is so wide. I want to help with my share of expenses, Blaine. But... well yeah, umm, I’m not sure I could possibly make a dent. And I don’t feel like you should have to tell me where you are financially, nor would I feel good about you just taking care of all of it. I don’t want to feel like a kept man, Blaine. I’m starting to feel sick to my stomach.”

“Baby, take a deep breath with me, okay?” They breathe in and out together for a minute. 

“Blaine, I was raised by a mechanic who built a business with his two bare hands, literally. He taught me to work hard, to be self-sufficient, to be smart with my money. I take a great deal of pride in taking care of myself. I always have, so this seems all very scary to me to walk in here with my bag.”

“That is understandable, Kurt. It shows a great level of maturity and responsibility. And it makes me feel safe with you that you care so much, and that you are worried about contributing.”

“This all comes back around to the beginning though, how do you know I’m not lying, Blaine? We’ve gotta get that background check done, and I want to sign something about the money, Blaine. I never, ever want that to be on the table.” 

“Honey, please stop. You are working yourself up. Look, as much as I love you, I’m not handing over the lockbox key and bank account info tonight. We’ll take this slow just like we should, okay? We’re going to talk about everything. Now can I suggest a starting point, and then we can go from there?”

Kurt takes a deep breath and nods.

“I would love it if you would just let me handle everything here until you are done with school, okay? Please don’t worry about it. You still have your expenses at your apartment, even if you aren’t there. Although, if you would let me, I would buy out your lease in Bushwick so you aren’t feeling torn with stuff at both places. I don’t think you will let me, but I want you to know I would do that for you. It's only two months of rent.”

“Oh, umm, I—can I think about it? I was thinking about that actually. That maybe I should move my stuff even if I’m just paying rent. That way, I can turn off water and electricity, so I don’t have to keep going back and forth. But, I need to let that sit for a minute. Please continue.”

“Once your lease is up, and you graduate, I think that your main focus should be paying off your student loan debts. I’m not going to get deep into numbers tonight. Sufficient to say I could easily pay them off for you, but I know that wouldn’t be doing you any favors. You will take great pride in paying those off, as you should. You’ve worked hard for your education.” 

Kurt’s insides go all fuzzy. He’s honestly not sure if he wants to ever know how much money Blaine has. 

“The point is, I think for the first few years out of college, you should focus on paying those off. In the meantime, maybe once you start working full time at Vogue or wherever you end up,” Blaine winks at him. He secretly wants Kurt to bring his vision to his production company, “You can take care of the groceries. Would you feel like you were contributing in that way? I don’t mean in charge of cooking and meals and prep. I just mean you would be in charge of that household expense. That way, you could control the budget and plan according to what you can do.

"I also want to make sure we keep having at least one official date night out on the town each week no matter how busy we are with anything else, and we would take turns paying for those. Thoughts?”

“My initial thought is that I like the idea of groceries because it's a whole thing. I don’t know if that makes sense. But it's something I could feel like I was taking care of. And that kind of accomplishment is important to me. So in one sense, I think that is perfect. I’m not sure it’s enough, but I like the idea of the whole of it. And of course yes, on the dates. And you are right. I want the satisfaction of paying off my student loans, no matter how long it takes. Is there something else I can take care of, too, like the water bill or something I don’t know? Does that sound stupid?”

“Honey, nothing you ask is stupid. My building fees are all lumped together with the utilities, so I’ll keep taking care of that for now, but there are some other things we could discuss that I think you could contribute to.” 

“Oh? Like?”

“Well, there are several household savings funds that I think we should start once we’re married or whenever you feel comfortable. I think you would like to contribute to them so that you feel like you were a part of it. I know some of this will need to be covered in the family talk, but if we want kids Kurt, we need to be thinking about saving money for lawyers, doctors, adoption fees, or surrogate mother expenses.”

Kurt sits straight up and scoots forward until he can kiss Blaine. It’s passionate and full of a million emotions he has no idea how to express. Sometimes words fail you. Blaine moans into the kiss. 

When they pull away, Blaine smiles, “I must have said something right.”

“Oh, Blaine, you said everything right. Sorry, please continue.”

“I think it would be wise to also save for a house, college funds, vacations, and all that jazz too. My point is that there will be plenty of things we’ll want to do as a family that aren’t necessarily writing out a rent check but equally important. Does that make sense?”

“Yes, it does. I’m getting a better idea of how I can contribute, and it’s exciting to me.”

“I’m glad, love.” Blaine gives him another short, sweet kiss before Kurt scoots back and lays down again. 

“Alright, so this is the part where I feel like we have to talk about the obvious. Baby, I have enough money where I don’t have to work. Especially if I sold this place. It would be all too easy for me to want to do everything for us. But Kurt, I know how important it will be for you to contribute, so we’re going to have to have lots of talks about this in the future. Let's use vacations, for example. 

“We could do this a couple of ways. I’m going to use 10% because it’s an easy example, but it could be 1% or 3% or whatever. Just run with me on this for a moment. 

“We could say each of us puts in 10% of our income to our vacation fund each year. Let’s say you make $100k a year for right now, and I make $500k a year (again, just using numbers). That means you’d put in $10k, and I’d put in $50k, is that going to bother you? Or we could always do it where we go on vacation twice a year, and we each pay for one. I don’t know. I don’t want to get caught up in details here, but I also don’t want this to bite us in the ass later on down the road.”

“I have no idea, Blaine. I’m wow. We’re married in this scenario, right?”

“Yeah. Let’s go with that.”

“What if—maybe, can we have a household fund? We each put in 50% of our salary in an account for the household, and we keep 50% in our respective personal accounts. The household account could then be used for whatever we talk about: savings, vacations, future home, starting a family. Again, just using numbers. Maybe you only do 25%. But it’s not about who does more. It’s just all in one place, and _then_ we divide it out from there into the categories we set up?”

“I love that idea. However, Kurt, If we are married and did something like that, it would be an _equal percentage_ contribution, that is important to me. It doesn't matter if mine is more dollar-wise. At least for now. Later, when you become a billionaire designer we can come up with a set amount we each contribute. I do like this idea though, we can let it sit for a while and keep thinking about it. It also goes into something else I’d want to talk to you about. Can I go ahead, or did you have more you wanted to say on that?”

“No, go ahead, please.”

“This goes to your prenuptial napkin,” they both chuckle at the memory. “I will never fully be able to express what that meant to me that night. Freaking hell, Kurt, the more I think about how brave you were, how in-tune you were with me, it’s, well, it blows my mind.” 

“Yes, yes. I’m amazing, etc. get on with it, Blaine Blaine,” Kurt nudges him and starts laughing. 

“I would have had to ask you to sign one if you hadn’t brought it up that night, and it would have wounded me. It still will—I loathe it. But it has to be done, for legal reasons, for trust fund reasons, and because I know it's important to you. 

"But Kurt, there is no way in the world that you are going to be my husband and not be taken care of if something should happen to me. I want to make sure at the very least you have a place to live that is one hundred percent paid off and access to a few years worth of living expenses. Plus, everything we build together in our marriage. Once we are married, we will work to support each other, and that will be yours. And if—I mean, _when_ we have kids, they will inherit the trust funds, and I’ll make sure some of it is left to you. But for now, I need you to know that I couldn’t live with myself if we didn’t set it up like this. I can’t, Kurt.”

“You know what, Blaine? I feel oddly at peace and calm with that. It feels right. I sign a prenuptial for everything you currently have, except whatever minimum you feel like you have to leave me so you have peace of mind. Oh geez, this is making me sick to think of something happening to you. But then after we’re married, whatever we build together in our joint accounts we build for each other, is that what I’m understanding?”

“Yes, pretty much, and you’re okay with it? I wasn't sure if you were going to have a meltdown about it, to be honest.”

“Yeah, I am. If things were the other way around, there is no way I wouldn’t be demanding the same thing. I keep trying to look at all of this from both viewpoints. And we will be supporting each other in our careers, making sacrifices for each other, loving each other through everything. We’ll be married, raising a family. I want to build a life with you, Blaine, and have it mean something. And I don’t just mean money, obviously.” 

“Oh, Sunshine, I know. I know that—and we will, we are right now. Should we tackle the next hard thing? What about gifts, honey? We’ve got to talk about this too.”

“Yeah, I know this is the one I think I’ll struggle with the most, but again, I’m trying to be mature about this. I realize you have a ten-year head start on me, and you have a trust fund at your disposal, Mr. Anderson,” he winks and nudges his knees playfully at Blaine's chest. “But I think once I graduate, it won’t be so bad because I’ll be working full time, and I won’t be under such a strict budget. I also know, honey, before you even say it, that material things mean very little to you and that acts of service and cuddle time is the way you’d like to be spoiled, but I want to be able to get you gifts, too.”

“You’re absolutely right, Kurt. I’d much rather do something with you. I’d rather have the experience of something rather than a tangible gift, but don’t get me wrong, I do love the occasional gift and feeling appreciated. So my point is, I understand what it means to be able to give a gift and have someone receive it gracefully.”

“Exactly! That is what I was trying to figure out how to say a second ago. I’m trying to see this through your eyes. You have an established career—you’ve worked hard. You have the money you can pamper the people you love with. I don’t want you to have to deny who you are or second guess everything you want to do for me. And I do enjoy nice things, and I’d be lying if I said I don’t enjoy gifts. But Blaine, I’m so grateful for them. You have to know that I understand what a gift means, what a well-chosen present can do for someone. That scarf you sent me is a perfect example. It had nothing to with the scarf, and yet I could also appreciate the scarf —if that makes sense. 

“I’m being long-winded about this, but what I’m trying to say is I will try to accept your generosity with grace and always with gratitude. But Blaine Anderson, I don’t need any of those things to make me happy! _You_ make me happy. We could live in an apartment in the middle of Ohio eating macaroni and cheese out of a box and we’d find a way to make life fun and meaningful.” 

“We would, wouldn’t we, Kurt? All this extraness we enjoy is just extra, and I am so thankful you understand that. And I hope someday we’ll be able to figure out a way to give back to the world together.”

“Yes, we will, my Honey Bee. Is this the part where I share with you my dream of owning a ranch to help LGBT+ teens come for the summer and learn fashion design and take art classes and put on a fashion show or maybe vocal workshops?”

Blaine sharply jerks his head over to look at Kurt in the eyes to see if he was serious. He takes a deep breath. He’s shaking—the coincidence of this is just too much, “Are you kidding me right now, Kurt?”

“No? I mean, it’s just a dream, not sure I could ever make it happen, but, you know...” Kurt has a questioning look on his face. He’s not sure what to make of Blaine's reaction. 

“Kurt Hummel, do you know the first time I wanted to propose to you?”

“Ummm, you’ve sort of talked about marriage a lot. Last night was as close to a real proposal, but if it's not one of those times, then, no.” Kurt is smirking at him and has a perplexed eyebrow raised. What this has to do with a ranch, he has no idea.

“We were at Tangerine Terrace, oh my freaking hell, was that only two weeks ago? You’d think we’ve lived a hundred years since then. It feels like it. It’s been amazing. Sorry, I was getting to the point. You were going on about how these dates shouldn’t cost much money. And then you started telling me that giving of your time and undivided attention was the most selfless thing to give someone. And I remember thinking then that if I could somehow remember how to speak, I would have gotten on one knee and proposed to you.”

“Are you serious?”

“ _Mhhhhm_! I knew just from that you were everything I could ever want. Do you want to know when I fell in love with you? I mean, I can pinpoint it to the second, and of course, my love for you has grown a millionfold since then. I fell in love with you _before_ the proposal idea, so I did it in the right order at least.”

“When? When did you fall in love with me, Blaine Blaine?”

“When you gave me that glare after I dared to use the word ‘complicated.’” 

Kurt bursts out in giggles, “Oh, Blaine!”

“Oh my gosh, you stopped me in my tracks. I remember thinking that with your upturned eyebrow, you were saying, ‘I’m waiting for the part where you tell me what's really wrong because I care about you already,’ while also making it clear that I should stop trying to make decisions about what is best for you without actually talking to you. And if all that wasn’t enough, it was this look like, ‘You may now have another chance to try again, so please speak.’ Oh, Kurt, it was so you and I fell in love with you so hard. Just tumbled right down the rabbit hole, and I never wanted to come back to a reality where you weren’t in it.”

“That glare was a cover for my heart plummeting from my chest. When the word ‘complicated’ came out of your mouth, I wondered if you would even give us a chance. You were hurting so badly inside, Blaine. I’m so glad you did.”

“You did that with your intuition, honey. You fought for us—you brilliant man with your ability to see right through me and a napkin and a pen. Geez, Kurt. Which brings me back to the point. The ranch, this all had a point. Are you impressed?”

“Very. Now, will you please tell me already! I’m so intrigued by how you are going to use that as a segway?” 

“One of my dreams has always been to have some sort of ranch, or cabin or countryside home where LGBT+ teens, especially those whose families don’t support them, could come and learn music, songwriting classes, basic guitar, piano, and ukulele. I want to help them find ways to connect to music to cope with life and deal with their feelings. I don’t know, Kurt. I had never even really told anyone except Nick and Jeff a long time ago. I can’t believe you said that tonight. I’m in awe.”

“Soulmates,” Kurt whispers. He has a few tears that have dripped down his cheeks. 

“Soulmates,” Blaine whispers back as he pulls Kurt's legs to bring him closer. Kurt helps by climbing into his lap. They stare at each other, eyes sparkle with love and feeling understood. Kurt slowly moves to kiss him, brushing his lips over Blaine's a few times before they fully dive into it. They are lost to time as they share their hope and dreams for the future with their lips and the breaths they share.

Blaine finally breaks the kiss, “You know, sweetheart. These talks might take longer now, but I love this kissing in between.”

“Me too, Honey Bee, me too,” he says as he rests his head against Blaine’s.

“What other things do you think we need to cover? I’m sure there are a million. Should we keep going with random questions?”

“Yeah, sure? Do you have something in mind?” Kurt asks.

“Well, we’ll both have our personal accounts. I think that it is important to feel like we can indulge in things that maybe the other person doesn't understand. For instance, I spend an obscene amount of money on records,” Blaine’s face wrinkles up as he laughs.

“Clothes, Blaine, I love clothes. But like I said, I’ve been able to make it work, and I don’t hoard them. I rotate through them, but I can imagine as I start working full time, I’ll love to have a few new things.”

“That's the whole point, though, Kurt. You don’t have to justify that to me. If that’s your thing, then that’s your thing. I don’t ever want to make you feel bad, as long as you aren’t going into debt. We skipped that earlier, but I don’t like having debt, either. If at all possible besides our home, I’d like to stay away from it entirely.”

“Me too, baby, me too! I’d rather save up for the things we want rather than paying them off while they aren’t fun and shiny anymore. I’ve strived to live like that.” 

“Oh, honey, I can see that you have. I’m still amazed you aren’t swimming in more debt as a student trying to get back-to-back bachelor's degrees. I’m so proud of you, Kurt.” Blaine kisses his nose with a _mwwwaaah._ ”Is there something you hate spending money on? That might be a better way to approach it?”

“Fancy dinners. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I like going out to eat, but I have a hard time enjoying food that doesn’t have prices on it. Or if the bill is as much as I have to spend on food for an entire month. Every once in a while, maybe, I guess. But I just, it feels so wasteful to me.” 

“Oh wow, thank you for telling me, Kurt. I don’t know if I’ve ever really thought about it. I can see that from your point of view for sure. We probably don’t need to do that, even though I would happily take you to the fanciest of the fancy. So maybe we save those for special occasions like anniversaries?”

“Yeah, but I really don’t ever need it. Think about it. We could put that kind of money away for our ranch someday?” Kurt winks. 

“I love you so much.”

“Love you, too. Do you have something you don’t like spending money on?”

“For me, it’s a little more complicated. I don’t like spending money on just ‘stuff.’ I can’t even think of an example right now, but I don’t need stuff that sits around. I’d much rather spend it on experiences. I mean, I guess you can look around the loft and see what I value records, artwork, books, plants. Not that you can’t have stuff that isn’t what I’m saying. I don’t like buying things just to buy them. Does that make any sense?” 

“It does make sense. I’m trying to think of an example, too, so we can talk about it, but I can’t either. So I guess we’ll have to keep communicating about that as we go along?” 

Blaine nods yes. 

“And I’d rather have experiences too, Blaine. So that will make things easier for us, I think.”

“It will. And Kurt, I feel like we need to go back to something from earlier. I want you to know that I will tell you anything you want to know about my finances. I wasn’t trying to say I wasn’t going to tell you earlier. It’s just that I don’t think it’s important for numbers at this point in our relationship. It’s more of that pompous ass stuff. Does that make sense? But if you need me to, I will, okay? And with all of that being said, when do you think it would be appropriate to have a sit-down talk about the truth of the numbers?”

Kurt's face falls. This part confuses him. On the one hand, he doesn’t ever want to know. Doesn’t want to know how wide the gap is between them. On the other hand, they will be husbands someday. You should know what your future looks like. 

“Baby, safe space. Talk to me. What is this face you have on right now? What’s wrong?”

“I just—I’m not sure I want to know what size the canyon is between us. On the other hand, I don’t think we can seriously talk about getting married until I have at least a basic understanding of what our future looks like.” He leans in and hugs Blaine while he thinks for a minute. Blaine seems to understand that he needs a minute.

“Here’s the thing, Blaine, truth talk, yeah? I’ve come to terms with who you are in many ways in the last few days. Yes, you have a ten-year head start on me, and you’ve worked so hard. But that is just the thing, talent-wise, I think we are equally yoked. I know I have talents and gifts I can share. I just haven’t had a chance yet—I know I’m going to work on my dreams, too. So while there is a time difference, we are still equal. I am not intimidated by your talent. Does that make sense?”

“Yes, it so does, honey. It makes me ecstatic that you get that. Keep going.” 

“And I know we’ve only been together for such a short time, but I’m going to take a wild guess and say that our work ethics are equally matched as well. You’ve already told me you don’t have to work, and yet you do anyway. If you told me you’d take care of me forever, which I know you would—and that I never had to go back to work, I would anyway. We need to stay engaged mentally. We’re both driven people. Is that accurate?”

“Yeah, I would say that is pretty close. Although when kids come into the mix…”

“Okay, no wait, let’s just talk about married scenarios. We'll talk family in a minute or on Sunday. Hold on for me a minute, please?”

“Yes, of course, sorry. Go ahead.”

“My point is that as people, in our essence of who we are, I feel like we are a brilliant match, Blaine. We have similar interests but have taken very different paths. Enough so that we can keep things interesting and do our own things. But at our core, we are both artists. We want to help people. We want love and family more than anything else. We enjoy working hard. We have mutual respect and awe for each other’s talents. If someone put us on paper, they’d be like ‘Golden Couple,’ right?”

“Absolutely! I agree with you. You’d think we were soulmates or something?”

“Har har! But, _ugh_ , Blaine. We start talking about money, and it’s like we’re almost from two different planets. You fell in love with a mechanic’s son from Lima, and I fell in love with New York’s most eligible bachelor. It’s the Grand Canyon, Blaine. It’s hard to come to terms with for me, I’m sorry. I can’t pretend that I’m not going to have days where I feel overwhelmed by it, even though I’m trying so hard, I am. I just...do I even want to know how wide the divide is, you know?” 

“I understand, love, I do. That is why I’m trying to figure out when we talk about this. Do we talk about it when we come back from our honeymoon? Do we talk about it when we get engaged? We’ll be planning a wedding, Kurt. In my heart, I want to tell you you can have anything you want, but I know you, honey. That will be worse for you. You’ll want a budget, and you will stick to it so faithfully. But baby, I don’t want you to be afraid to ask for things you really want. One of the reasons I want to give you everything is because I know you don’t need it. I know you would never ask me for it. It’s so freeing for me. I’ve never felt like this before, Kurt. This is sort of new for both of us. We’ll both do our best, and sometimes it will still blow up. We just have to try to keep communicating.”

“Okay, so what do we do, Blaine? Just generalities for now? I ask, ‘Are you a multi-millionaire, Blaine?’ and you nod yes or no, and then we talk about it later? Ugh. I don’t know.”

“Honey, I think you already know that answer to that question.” Blaine wraps his arms tight around Kurt, pulling him to his body, kissing at the scar he loves so much on his neck.

“I guess I do. I think my greatest fear in the whole world is that I’ll become an ungrateful asshole that expects things from you. I don’t want to need things from you. It’s so important to me that I don’t need your money! But I’m walking into a lifestyle I don’t fully understand. There’s no way to live here in this penthouse with you and pretend that it’s not going to start rubbing off on me, to start wanting things I’ve never allowed myself to want. No matter how much you dream of being rich as a teenager, you don’t really understand what it means for the worst part of you—how it could feed your greed and selfishness. I don’t want to start shopping and not be able to stop or to thoughtlessly ask you to whisk me away on a weekend getaway because I’m stressed out, and I know you would. I don’t want to be…”

“Connor?” Blaine asks matter-of-factly.

“Connor,” Kurt says as he lets the tears that have been building up spill over his cheeks. 

“Oh, my love. The fact that you are even aware of what money can do to you. Kurt, you are, you are everything. I love you so much. You have so much love in your heart, so much gratitude. You secretly dream of a ranch to make art and help people. Sweetheart, even if you got caught up in the lifestyle of the rich and famous in New York, I don’t think it would last very long. You’d get bored of it. You’d be sick to your stomach with the waste. You have fought too hard all your life to be who you are to get caught up in the shallowness that material things bring. Baby, we won’t let that happen to either one of us, okay?”

“You think so? I’m so scared, Blaine. I‘m so scared.”

“I know so! We both want so much more out of life. I promise we’ll be okay.”

“If I start being an ungrateful jerk, you promise you’ll stand up for yourself and put me in my place. Oh my gosh, you have to promise me you won’t let me fall off the deep end, Blaine.”

“I promise, Kurt. We’ll sit down and have a talk the first time I feel ‘used’ in any way, if ever, okay? And don’t forget, we’re going to go to counseling together from the very beginning. We’ll be asking ourselves these kinds of questions all the time.”

“I love you, Blaine. I don’t want to lose myself. I always want to be me, loving you. Always. I never want it to be about the money, ever.”

“I know that, baby. How many guys do you think have been offered a prenuptial napkin on their first date, sweetheart? You have a heart of gold, and I know we’ll be okay if we keep talking. And we are so good at it.” Blaine pulls Kurt from his body and wipes off his tears. “We’ll be okay, Kurt. We’ll be better than okay.”

Kurt nods in agreement and gives him a short, tender kiss.

“Can I share with you what I am most concerned about now? Are we still okay to talk? You hanging in there?” Blaine asks.

“Yes, I want to get this all out in the open.” 

“I want you to understand first and foremost, Kurt, that I want to support you in your career. You have every right to fully explore that and go out there and do your thing. I want you to. I will be your biggest cheerleader and fan. You know that, right?”

“Yeah, but...?” his voice goes up in a questioning tone.

“But, I have a ten-year perspective on what's important. Sometimes it’s going to be very hard for me to see you killing yourself working so hard out there. I can’t tell you how many eighty-hour work weeks I put in when I was your age—too many. And I will support you as best as I can in those things. But this is where our age difference will probably be the sorest spot in our marriage because I will need you too, Kurt. I’m not at a point in my life where my career is more important than spending time with my husband. I don’t want to feel like a needy, clingy bastard, but feeling neglected isn’t something that I can commit to, or coming second to your career. That sounded like a harsh line in the sand. I didn’t mean it like that, I—” 

“Honey, honey, stop. I understand what you are saying, I do. You are standing up for yourself right now. You’re telling me what you need in this relationship. You need touch, service, and time, Blaine. Good for you, thank you for telling me.” He rubs Blaine's shoulders for a few seconds, making eye contact, trying to share his love through his eyes.

“I don’t know what’s going to happen in the future. Here’s what I know right now, though. I used to work insane hours at Vogue, Blaine. I didn’t get home until 8 or 9 all the time. After we started dating, I told Isabelle that I couldn’t do it anymore. She had to let me go home on time—I’ve only worked overtime once since then and that was last Friday. I haven’t told you that in so many words, I guess. But I’ve already chosen you over my career, Blaine. I took a sick day off work today because I knew you needed me. I haven’t done that in the five years I’ve worked there.” 

Blaine interrupts him, kissing his cheek, and whispers, “Thank you.”

“And sure, maybe some of it’s because it’s all new and exciting and I’ve been at my job so long already, but I don’t think that's it. Blaine, I need you just as much. Family is everything to me, everything, and you are now my chosen family. So I hope that I keep choosing you always. But also…” he takes a deep breath and changes the way he’s sitting. His legs are asleep from straddling Blaine so long. 

“Also, I do know I’d love to try to do a show someday on or off-Broadway, at least one. I am not naive. I know how demanding it is, but if we are careful and we communicate, we can figure it out, right? Sunday morning waffles instead of Sunday night. Breakfast dates instead of dinner dates. Blaine, baby, you are just as important to me. And maybe you can help me look at perspective situations, and we can decide together? Would I be doing XYZ thing just for the money? Then the answer is a hard no. But is XYZ going to be fulfilling to me as an artist and feel like I’m contributing to society and fulfilling my dreams? Then even if it's hard, maybe the answer is yes.” 

“I—thank you, Kurt. I don’t want to prevent you from anything you want to do. If we are going to get married, I want a marriage, you know? I think about us getting so busy that we’re lucky if we can help each other with a hand job in the morning. And later that night, have a kiss and two-minute conversation over take out as someone heads out the door again. I don’t want that, Kurt. And thank you, baby, for what you’ve already done to choose me in your life. I do feel so loved and appreciated.”

“ _Mmmm_ , well, on the flip side of our ten-year age gap, you fell in love with someone who has barely just come into his sexual identity. I’m not sure a future of quick hand jobs is anywhere near your future, honey. Between our soulbond and our emotional connection—which we have, by the way, from talking for hours— I’m going to have a hard time keeping my hands to myself for a very, very long time.”

“I’m the luckiest guy in the world,” Blaine says, eyes going dark with want, a grin spreading across his face.

“Yeah, pretty much.” Kurt laughs hard. “But so am I. Seriously, though, honey, how are you feeling? I want to tell you again how proud I am for you telling me what you need. I understand what you're saying. I will do my best to be mindful of it, and as always, we have to keep communicating in the future.” 

“Thank you, love. I appreciate your understanding. We’ll take each day as it comes, keep choosing each other every morning. Alright. What else?”

“Well, let’s circle back to something I never answered. I think that we should sit down and have the financial talk about your net worth a week after we get back from our honeymoon. I don’t think it’s appropriate before then. Is that weird? But that is how I feel as I’ve let it sit here for a while. We should have already talked about household accounts and all of that long before then, but I don’t want to know how much money you have before we get married, Blaine.”

“If that is what you feel good about, sweetheart, let’s go with it. If you change your mind, we’ll talk about it again, alright?”

“Okay. Whew—what else?” Kurts takes a deep breath.

“I’ve been hesitating to bring this up. Maybe now is a good time, I don’t know? But would you let me take you on vacation for your graduation present?”

“Oh geez, Blaine, you don’t mean...wait..do you mean St. Lucia?” he starts laughing, it’s coming up from his belly. Blaine is obsessed.

“Maybe?” Blaine says sheepishly.

“As a graduation present, huh? I thought for sure you were planning our honeymoon in your dreams.”

“Whichever comes first!” Blaine says without thinking, then covers his mouth. _Geez, Blaine! Have some chill about this marriage thing already,_ he silently berates himself.

“First? Well, gosh honey, I’m not even sure what to say. Are we getting married Thanksgiving weekend? You forgot to tell me?”

“Sorry, I have no idea why that slipped out of my mouth. I have zero chill with you, honey. Zero. I’ve never been this impulsive with relationships, it’s crazy, but it doesn’t even scare me. It’s like I know what I want. I don’t want to wait.”

“I get it. You know, it’s funny when I used to dream about getting married, it wasn’t even legal, and I wanted a big huge wedding just like everyone else had. I had wedding magazines and— ” Kurt stops talking, lost in thought.

“And what, Kurt?”

“What? Oh, sorry, yes, I’m not sure I care anymore, it’s a strange feeling. Like I don’t feel like I need to show off. I just want to be yours. I’m not sure— it’s a new feeling for me. But since we’re talking about money, I guess it ties in. I’m not sure I need a huge big wedding. How do you feel about it, Blaine—what are your expectations about it?”

“Oh, boy. Well. If I were straight, my parents would expect a huge, and I do mean a huge wedding. My ‘wife’ and I would be paraded around like show dogs to all their friends. There would be parties and rehearsals and an impossible-to-get venue,” he says bitterly. “But as it is, they’ll support me, but they won’t say anything about it to anyone else, I don't think. It’s not something I need, but I want you to have the wedding of your dreams, honey. We can do it as big or as small as you want.”

“Are they going to hate me, Blaine?”

“No, honey, no. I’m sorry if I’m a little bitter about this. Baby, this isn't about you at all. I’m so sorry. I actually think my mother will fall in love with you. She’ll be good to you. My dad will be indifferent like he is to me. They aren’t horrible people, they just, they don’t know how to support a gay son.” Blaine rubs Kurt's legs and kisses him on the cheek again. “It will be fine, don’t worry.” Kurt just nods.

“Do you—I mean, how do you feel about being engaged, Kurt? Let’s say I propose to you. Do you want to be engaged for a year or longer?”

“NO!” Kurt says instantly, shaking his head vehemently. “No, Blaine. Once I make a decision, I’m an all-or-nothing person. I want to move forward with it. I couldn’t handle it. I couldn’t.” 

“Me neither, Kurt.”

“As it is, I think my dad is going to be shocked when he finds out I’m moving in with you. I swore up and down I would never do that unless I was engaged to someone. I don’t want to live in that wishy-washy area of living together, but I don't feel like that is what we are. We’ve already made our decisions. We're just figuring out the timing?”

“Exactly, honey. And I have no problem with you telling your dad our plans when you’re ready.”

“Thank you, Blaine. Transparency is important to me with him.”

“You want to start looking at engagement rings, honey?” Blaine says quietly, a shyness reflected in his eyes. 

Kurt’s eyes open full and bright, a curiously happy but questioning look on his face, “You’re insane, Blaine! It’s only been two weeks, and yes, yes I do!” he climbs back into Blaine’s lap and kisses him while he’s still laughing.

“We’ll start looking and talking about the future. We have lots to write in our journal tonight. Before we know it, it will feel like the right time. I know we’re both ready, but we should probably wait at least a few months, right?” They are talking lip to lip now, stealing kisses from each other between words.

“Right, I guess so. But in my heart, Blaine, you already asked me when you promised me a ‘pan to the honeymoon, a fade to black, and a life of forever in fanfiction,’” he giggles as he presses his lips to Blaine’s again.

“I meant it all, Kurt. The rest is just details and bricks in the master plan.” More kisses are shared. “You want to get online and look at Tiffany & Co?” Blaine thinks he must have said something right because he feels Kurt’s skin go hot. He feels Kurt go hard against him through his pants. He loves the way Kurt’s lightly sucking on his tongue. The way his hand immediately went over his heart, the way his other hand went straight to his curly locks tugging, the way he’s started to make little moaning noises. 

Right when Blaine thinks he can’t take it for another minute without picking Kurt up and dragging him to the bedroom or taking him right here on the couch, Kurt pulls back.

“Blaine? You can take me anywhere you want for graduation. I think I should take off work from graduation day until after the new year. I haven’t done anything fun since I graduated High School except for going home to Lima. I want to spend some time with you, whether it’s here in the loft as a staycation or St. Lucia. Anywhere. It doesn't matter. Can we maybe spend some time together over the holidays? Can you take some time off?”

“Oh, Kurt, that sounds like heaven. Yes, I can. Of course, I can. Do you have a passport? Let’s get that taken care of so we have options, okay?”

“I don’t have one, but I’ll start working on it. Now let’s spend some time writing in our journal getting all of this outlined, and then, my good sir? We should order some delicious take out for dinner, breakfast food, perhaps?” he winks at Blaine. “And have a virtual date at Tiffany’s? And sweetheart, whatever happens after that, I’m not sure I can be held entirely responsible. Apparently, I have a ‘thing’ for Tiffany’s, so you’re going to have one very turned on, future fiancé on your hands, honey.”

“As I said, the luckiest guy in the world.”

\----~---------------------~---

“Freaking hell, Kurt! Yes! Baby!” A curly-haired man yells into the throw pillow he’s clutching, his iPad laying forgotten on the couch cushion next to him open to the men’s engagement rings section of Tiffany & Co's website. Kurt has him face down on the couch, one hand between his shoulder blades pressing down to hold himself up, his other hand wrapped tightly around one of Blaine’s hips, gripping to get leverage and pulling up. He’s thrusting into him hard and fast from behind. Their first sexual adventure outside a bed or shower has been hotter than hell.

He’s grateful that Kurt thought to throw a blanket down because he’s not so sure he’s not going to come just from the friction of rubbing into the couch as Kurt has his way with him. He _begged_ Kurt to try it like this. Kurt got over his hesitation and nerves quite quickly once they started. Damn-sexy-hot-Kurt is in charge right now, and they’re enjoying every minute of it. He has a feeling Kurt’s “Tiffany thing” is going to make for one hell of a Friday night, and it’s not even 8 PM. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warnings for this Chapter: Consensual Unprotected Sex, 
> 
> Authors Notes:  
> Yay for all of us making it through the money talk.  
> And I love these boys. They are going to make such a difference in the world. 
> 
> \------  
> You can find artwork (and aesthetics aka "mood boards") and other related posts to this chapter on my Tumblr page GleefulPoppet, I'll be adding things over the next month. And I try to add the artwork to the chapter each night as well.
> 
> [Click Here to See Larger on Tumblr](https://gleefulpoppet.tumblr.com/post/632828985671335936/chapter-19-get-my-heart-racing-posted-friday)
> 
>   
> 


	20. Saturday: You Got My Head Spinning

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Word Count: 10k+ [Warnings can be found in the notes if you need them]

“Oh my gosh! It’s Saturday!” Kurt exclaims as he sits straight up in bed, eyes going wide.

“Yes, which means you should be relaxed and half asleep giving me my morning kisses. So what’s wrong?”

“Is Olivia coming today?”

“Yeah, at 1:00 PM?” Blaine has a raised eyebrow. He honestly thought Kurt would be excited about getting another massage. It’s been a crazy week. 

“Ummm, Blaine? Have you seen the state of our bodies?”

Blaine pulls Kurt back down next to him and rolls half on top of him. “Hmmm, you mean these?” He says before he starts kissing each of the marks on Kurt’s chest. “I think that you look gorgeous with my marks on your skin, but I might be a little biased.”

“Blaine, you haven’t seen what I did to your back last night. It’s… it’s… I mean, on the one hand, I’m quite proud of myself. But on the other hand, it’s like a forensic record of just how much I loved you talking me into taking you on the couch—umm, several times, I might add.”

“Oh, was that about me? Well, thank you, baby. Here I was thinking you were just taking out your love for Tiffany’s on my body. Glad to know you want me just as much,” he’s snickers while still kissing each of the marks on Kurt’s skin. They’ve had a fun few days. 

“Oh, yes, very funny, dear. I just… yeah, who knew? I dreamed a few times that maybe someday I’d be given a blue box, but you don’t really believe it will happen. I just… yeah, I’m a bit shocked by my reaction. But more importantly, Olivia? I don’t want her to feel awkward today. That just seems tacky, Blaine?”

“Kurt, honey. She’s seen it all, I’m sure. And I won’t apologize for the way we love each other to her or anyone. Are you uncomfortable with the marks I’ve left on your body, baby?”

“No! No, of course not, I love them so much. I just… this is new for me, bee. It’s weird to think she’ll know what we’ve been up to. I’m just… it’s new, and I’m not embarrassed it just seems intimate and private between us, Blaine.”

“I understand, baby, and you don’t have to have to get a massage today. But, sooner or later, she’ll see marks on your skin unless you stop getting massages. And that seems like denying yourself some self-care that I know you need. Whatever you want today is fine with me. But as long as you like these marks on you, I don’t want to stop making them.” 

“You’re right, I just—so many new things for me. Thanks for listening to me, panic. I’ll try to get over it.”

“Honey, it’s been an insane week. Our lives are so different than they were even a week ago. It’s okay if you’re having a hard time processing everything, okay? But I think the massage will help, and Olivia is professional. She won’t say anything about them to you, I promise.”

“It has been quite the week, hasn’t it? How are you handling it all, Blaine?”

“Honestly, Kurt, I feel at total peace. I am happier than I’ve ever felt in my life. I feel whole. I feel like we got through the _actual_ money conversation almost easier than all the rest of them, and I can’t tell you how much that means to me. I was dreading it. So it feels incredibly freeing to be over that hurdle, that we’re going to be okay. I just… Kurt, I love you so much. And as hard as this week was, well, I guess just Thursday was hard, most of it was incredible. I really feel so content and that my life has finally begun. Really, truly begun.” 

“Me too, Blaine. We have so much to look forward to together. Like individually, I think our lives would have been amazing in and of themselves, but together, don’t you think we’ll be able to do some incredible things?” 

Blaine stops kissing all over Kurt’s body and slides up to look at him directly in those blue-green-gray-galaxy eyes, “I think we will, Kurt. I have this feeling that we’ll…” he gets lost in thought. 

“That we’ll what, honey?”

“I just have a feeling, that’s all. I think we’re going to make a difference. I don’t want to presume anything, and we haven't had a chance to talk about this since your show on Wednesday. You know when the classically handsome movie star type gentleman handed you his card with the words ‘I’m serious, Kurt’ on it?”

“ _Mmmm_. Damn, he was so hot. I might have to leave you for him. Did you see his ass in those pants he was wearing? And a bowtie, Blaine, he was wearing a bowtie. I was thinking about calling him.” 

“Oh, I think you should. He did have rather a nice tush.” They both giggle.

“Ring, ring,” Kurt makes a trilling with his tongue, which makes Blaine laugh. _We’re so ridiculous._

Blaine makes a phone shape with his pinky and thumb and answers, “Hello, this is Blaine Anderson.” 

“Mr. Anderson,” Kurt says in the sexiest voice he can while giving Blaine sultry eyes, “this is Kurt Hummell from the Parson’s fashion show. You asked me to call you. Is this a bad time?”

Blaine kisses Kurt on his shoulder, up his neck, and on that spot behind his ear that makes him fall apart almost instantly. “No, no, this isn't a bad time.” 

“Oh, I see. It just sounds like maybe you're preoccupied.” Kurt definitely sounds that way.

Blaine kisses him more and decides now would be a great time to add another mark to the mural he’s making on Kurt’s body. “No, no it’s not. I’m free to talk.”

Kurt is finding it harder to concentrate on their little game as Blaine worships his body. “ _Hmh_ well, I’m calling because, ac-ac-ac-tually, I’m not sure why? You asked me to call, so here I am.” His eyes are rolling back from the wicked things Blaine is doing to him with his tongue. 

“Yes, you are.” Blaine takes a few minutes to taste Kurt’s lips and slips a tongue inside Kurt’s mouth. They’re both slightly hard and start rubbing up against each other. When Blaine finally pulls away from Kurt’s lips, he tries to start talking again, looking at Kurt in the eyes again a lot more seriously.

“Well, Kurt, you see, I have a record label and production company that also styles our artists, including a complete style guide and public relations package for each artist we sign. We’re working hard towards a future where LGBT+ artists don’t need to be closeted. We also work with several charities that consistently want designs from us. We’re looking to expand, and we’d like to hire a full-time designer and stylist to head up a new position we’re creating. We think you should come in and apply.” 

Kurt immediately sits up. “Blaine, stop. That's—stop. Just stop.” 

Blaine realizes this is one of those ‘too big, too soon’ things. But he’s been thinking about it since he saw Kurt’s notebooks, earlier than that if he’s honest. They need someone like Kurt, and even if it’s not Kurt, he knows what they’ve been missing. He knows now what he has to do, it doesn’t have to be Kurt, but he would love it if it were. 

“Sorry, that was a lot to spring on you.” 

“Blaine, I just. I, that was, I feel—”

“Like I have zero chill and I should calm the heck down around you a bit? That I let my dreams run a little wild? I didn’t mean to spill that all out there on a Saturday morning in our bed. That was bad form, Kurt. I’m sorry.” Blaine rubs his hand once down Kurt’s jaw.

“Wait. Blaine, were you serious?”

“What do you mean? About the job and having you apply for it? I was 100 percent serious.”

“Oh,” Kurt says, face scrunching like he’s trying to figure something out. “I sort of thought you were still being silly, and I knew you wouldn’t be hurtful on purpose, but I didn't think it was funny at all.”

“I told you before I wouldn't joke around about that. Remember when I saw your sketchbooks?”

“Yeah, but Blaine, what exactly are you saying? I can’t even wrap my head around any of this right now.”

“No, I know. I was trying to wait as long as possible to talk about this because, honestly, a part of me thinks that at any moment you are going to go running for the hills with my crazy dreams. Since I met you, Kurt, I feel like all these missing puzzle pieces are clicking together. My life is better. My work is better. I saw a new vision for the studio—where we need to go next. When I saw your sketchbooks, I knew what we had been missing.”

“What do you mean?”

“Tina wants to focus more on the public image and social media side of the publicity department, more with communication. She got thrown into the design part of it when she started. We were much smaller then. Everyone was doing three or four jobs. Don’t get me wrong. She’s good, but it’s not her passion, and she has assistants now that help, but they don’t have the vision I want for the company, Kurt. I feel like you could... what I saw... what you can do with your designs... I think you could make a huge difference.

“And if you’ve been working at Vogue for Isabelle Wright for more than five years, there is no way I’m worried about your skills or work ethic. Baby, you’ve been baptized by fire for the workplace. But honey, if this dream isn’t big enough for you, it will never ever hurt my feelings. You are free to be who you want to be. I just thought maybe you would be ready for a change after graduation. You’ve been at Vogue for so long. I don’t know; maybe we could work it where you consulted for new artists. You could stay at Vogue for a few years. I’d just really like to talk to you about it if you are even open to it all,” Blaine shrugs. He’s put it all out there much sooner than he thought he would, _But damn it, they aren’t doing anything slow, are they?_

“Wow, Blaine. I’m —you, we, I… umm, wow.” 

“I’m serious, though, Kurt. If you aren’t interested, it’s fine. But now I know what I want for the studio, and I _will_ be hiring someone. We need some vision there. Tina needs to do the part of her job she loves and leave the rest to someone else. Even if you don’t want it, maybe you could help me interview and hire someone?”

“Blaine, your faith in me right now is a little overwhelming. I’m overwhelmed. You do realize that in just two weeks, you’ve asked me to move into your apartment, accidentally proposed to me, and we sort of looked at engagement rings last night. Well, when we weren’t umm, otherwise engaged,” he smirks and then laughs with Blaine. “And now, on a Saturday morning, you’re telling me that you have a new department at your company which just happens to be everything I could have dreamt of in a job? Part of me is worried none of this is real, and it’s going to come crashing down on me. Am I going to wake up from some sort of head injury in Lima, Ohio tomorrow, and this was all just my imagination?”

“Oh, Kurt, I hope not. Like I said the other night, there is no reality I want to wake up to that you aren’t there with me. And honestly, if it’s easier, we can put this away with all of our ‘too big, too soon’ stuff in the journal and circle around back to it later.”

“Oh, you mean like getting married and moving in together? Those were both ‘too big, too soon’ for what? Like a few days before, we were done with pretending that we both don’t know where this is going. I’m basically living here, and we’re looking at rings. This is insane, Blaine, and on top of all of that, maybe we could build something together in a career capacity? Even though we both chose different ways to go about it. Have you really thought about what that could mean?” Kurt is rubbing Blaine’s arms absentmindedly.

“More than I’ll ever admit to you, Kurt.” Blaine has a small blush spread across his cheeks, but it’s accompanied by a scared, panicked look too. He shuts his eyes and takes a deep breath. 

“Why do you say that? What does that mean?” 

He opens his eyes and looks at Kurt, trying to convey how sincere and serious he is about this through his eyes. “Kurt, I just. I can see it. I saw it before I even saw your sketchbooks. I don’t remember what night it was, but in my mind, I was thinking, ‘He really is my soulmate, this perfect being complementary to everything I want out of life, and everything I would love to give him.’ 

“I mean Kurt, I can see us going to work together. I see us in meetings with artists and you wowing them with their style guides. I see us sneaking into my office or yours at lunch to makeout and giggle and making everyone sick with my puppy dog eyes for you. I can see us screaming and jumping around the office with Marley and Tina when we sign the next prominent artist! I see us getting frustrated and butting heads over stupid things and then hugging afterward. I can see us driving each other insane both good and bad, seeing each other so much, but loving every minute of it. 

“I see us having the talk where we realize we need to stop bringing work home with us and talk about other things—recommitting to milestone conversations every Sunday at our waffle dinners. We could help to change lives together, Kurt, making a difference one artist at a time. And maybe someday youth, through some sort of outreach program and the ranch. So yes, in the last two weeks I’ve thought about it more than you can imagine. 

“But, Kurt, seriously, I’m not unaware once again that all of this could sound clingy and unhealthy like we should have our own things. But, we would, wouldn’t we? It’s different work for both of us. It just has the same goal. I don’t know, Kurt, I _see_ it. It would be perfectly imperfect. I see us building a remarkable life together in every way. Does that terrify you? I’m not trying to take away your dreams, Kurt. I want you to be everything you always wanted to be, and I will do everything I can to support you. It doesn’t have to be this. Just because I can see it doesn’t mean it can’t just stay a daydream for me.”

“Blaine, I, I’m—you like me enough you’d want me to be in your workplace?”

Blaine lets out an explosive laugh straight from his belly, leans over, and kisses Kurt on the forehead with a loud _mwwaaaah_. “Oh, Kurt, you can’t even imagine how much I like you. You are already there every day. Tina and Marley have both commented on how different I’ve been in the last couple of weeks. You would liven the place up with your dreams, your snarky comments, your compassion, your vision. I have a feeling you’d keep us all in line, and I mean that in the best way possible. I would proudly introduce you to everyone that walks in those doors and be excited every day to see what comes out of that mind of yours. Yeah, Kurt, I like you enough to have you in my workplace. I’d say that is an understatement.”

“ _Hmmm_ , can I ask you a question?” Kurt asks, feigning shyness, trying to cover up a smile.

“Of course, baby. Anything.”

“How many people have you offered a job interview to while completely naked?”

“You’re the only one, Sunshine.” Blaine tackles him down to the bed and kisses him silly, quite literally. They can’t stop laughing and wrestling and trying to out best the other. They get lost in each other, and really what are a few more marks at this point?

\------------------------------

They don’t quite make it out of their room in time for breakfast, but as they eat brunch, Kurt tries to ease Blaine’s mind about their earlier discussion. “It’s a big enough dream Blaine. In some ways, it’s too big in its simplicity. Wait—that didn’t sound quite right. But, wow, finding someone to love enough, or rather _like_ enough to work with—to build a life and a career with? If anyone could, I bet we could.” He’s rambling and lost in thought, but Blaine lets him go without interrupting. “I would love to go see your office. Can we start small? I don’t even know that much about what goes on there?”

“Of course we can. Do you want to go today? Nobody will be there this afternoon; everyone should be gone by 3:00—we can go after our massages?”

“I’d love that. In the meantime, I’ve got to get some school work done today. So I think I’ll get started on that, and I will have to do some tomorrow, too. I want to keep ahead of my assignments.”

“Yes! Of course, I don’t want to keep you from that, especially after you played hooky for me yesterday. I’ll go first for a massage today so you can get a good chunk of time in. I’ve got some work, too, and I’d like to play the piano for a bit. Will that bother you?”

“No, not at all. In fact, it will probably help me. I like listening to music, so to have you playing that sounds like heaven.” 

\------------------------------

Whatever Kurt was expecting wasn't this, although _why_ he expected anything less is beyond him. When they step off the elevator, there is a set of double glass doors accented with black iron. Inside there is a large wood and steel receptionist desk, the Courage Production Studio logo going across the front. There is a small sitting area with four leather chairs and a collection of old guitars hanging on the wall to the right. There is a hall that Kurt can see has offices, and he’s guessing production studios to record music to the left. 

He’s stunned. The office is gorgeous, modern, and yet it’s so Blaine. Blaine drags him down the hallway past numerous rooms until they are standing in front of a sizable glassed-in office. This must be Blaine’s. It looks much the same as his office at home. There is a huge modern desk facing the door, with a giant wall of bookcases filled with hundreds of music books, loose sheet music filed in steel baskets, more of Blaine’s notebooks, awards, and frames with pictures of epic moments in his career. 

As they walk towards the glass doors, they pass a beautiful white modern desk with gold legs. The desk is tidy and organized, but there are personal touches too. A beautiful plant, a few photos, a silver water bottle with a hot pink silicone straw, a tiny unicorn figurine is watching over a tin of gold paperclips, and there’s a calendar with geometric stickers marking important dates.

“That’s Marley’s desk,” Blaine interrupts Kurt’s observations. Somehow Kurt loves her more already. He loves the way she takes care of Blaine, and the quirky assortment of things on her desk makes him smile. 

Blaine unlocks his office and opens the door for Kurt. Kurt walks in and immediately goes over to the shelves, running his hands over the books, picking up pictures looking at them. 

“So this is where Mr. Blaine Anderson, indie artist heartthrob, Grammy Award-winning, Emmy Award-nominated, singer, songwriter works is it?” Kurt looks up at him through his eyelashes. He’s holding a picture of Blaine holding his Grammy in a beautiful tux.

“It is. Pompous ass enough, you think?”

“Stop! You are amazing, Blaine. I’m so proud of you. This place is amazing, and the work you do is, too.” 

“Well, thank you, honey. Now that you’re here, I have an overwhelming urge to kiss you in my office.” He waggles his eyebrows a few times, making Kurt giggle.

“Mmmm, you think you can handle that, Mr. Anderson?” Kurt walks over and slowly pushes Blaine into his big leather office chair, then climbs into his lap. “When you’re trying to work on Monday, and you remember that I did this to you?” Kurt slides his hand slowly down Blaine’s chest down past his belt rubbing him until he’s hard while kissing his neck. Nibbling his ears before he slowly makes his way over to his mouth and kisses him like he means it. And he definitely means it. Sitting in this incredible office with the love of his life, it’s tantalizing. Blaine wraps his arms around Kurt and moans into his mouth. 

They both faintly hear a knocking sound on the glass and an “ _Ahem, mhhmm_.” It takes them longer than it should to realize someone else is in the room, well in the doorway. 

“Mr. Anderson, sorry but, I…”

“Marley!” Blaine tears his lips away from Kurt but doesn’t push him out of his lap. 

“Yes, sorry, I came in to get a few things for Monday. I’m terribly sorry. But I didn’t want to sneak out in case you did see me. So yeah, this is awkward. Hello, you must be Kurt!” she blushes furiously and waves a few fingers. “So I’m just gonna, umm, go make a few copies and give you a few minutes, or I can slink back out?” She’s just rambling.

“Thank you, Marley. If you could give us a few minutes, we’ll do proper introductions, and we can all chat for a few. I’d love for you to get to know Kurt better.” 

The three of them are red as tomatoes, but what’s office life without is a little awkward. 

“Oh my gosh, Blaine. First, she finds out about me because you ask her to make us STD appointments. And then she catches me in her boss's lap, attempting to give him a clothed handjob on a Saturday afternoon? Can I disappear into the floor, please?” he groans and hides in Blaine’s neck. 

Blaine chuckles. “Sweetheart, she wasn’t supposed to be here, or I wouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry, but it’s fine. I promise, alright? We’ll all get over it soon enough.”

“You need some blinds or shades so we can secretly make out on your lunch breaks. I’m pretty sure you listed that as part of the benefits of the job you invited me to interview for this morning—when you were very, very naked, remember?” 

“ _Mmmmm_ , I do remember, and I actually do have retractable shades that will come down so we could do a lot more than makeout,” he winks with a sly grin. “But that thought isn’t helping us get more presentable. So let’s think about something else for now, and maybe you should hop out of my lap?” He pecks Kurt’s cheek with a sweet kiss and gives him a little help out of his lap. 

After a few minutes of cooling down, they decide they should let Marley out of her misery and approach her this time. They find her returning from where the copier is. 

“So Marley, this is Kurt Hummel, my boyfriend. Kurt, this is Marley, the best assistant in the world.” 

“Nice to meet you, Marley, sorry about earlier.” Kurt reaches out to shake her hand.

“Oh, please, don’t even worry about it. I’m ecstatic that Blaine is happy. You must know how happy you make him.” She winks at Blaine, they all blush again. “So, did you come to get the grand tour of the studio?”

“Yes! I did. I thought it was high-time that Mr. Anderson here stop being so modest about his work and show me around.” Kurt looks at Blaine like he’s so proud of him. It melts Blaine’s heart.

“Well, yes, but Marley, it’s part of my mastermind plan to get Kurt to apply for the new styling and design job. He just doesn’t know that yet!” He pretends to twirl a handlebar mustache and makes an exaggerated evil villain laugh “Muwhahahahaha!” Kurt and Marley burst out laughing.

“Okay, so I see that he’s the same crazy weirdo at work as he is at home,” he stage whispers to Marley.

“He’s a character for sure, more so the last few weeks than we’ve seen in a long time. I wonder how come that is?” she pretends to ponder by tapping her forefinger on her forehead.

“Okay enough, enough, yes, yes, I’m turning into a love-sick teenager. I can’t help it. Now can we please take Kurt on the tour?” Blaine says in mock defense. 

“No, no, you two have fun. I’m leaving! I really did just come in to get a few things to get set up for Monday.”

“I don’t like that you're working on the weekend, Marley. You know I don't expect you to,” Blaine says seriously.

“Well, in full disclosure, Boss, you weren’t here on Monday or Friday, so I spent too much time on Pinterest, read some hot fanfic, texted with my mom, and just generally relaxed. I loved every minute of it,” her voice is light, silly, and unapologetic. Kurt knows that they are going to be best friends someday. 

“Good for you MarMar! That’s what I like to hear. I need to take more days off, so you will too.” Blaine gives her a side hug.

“I’m all for that, Boss. You work too hard. Maybe if you can talk Mr. Hummel into taking the new job you’ve been talking about since you saw his sketchbooks, you two can both take time off.”

“You told Marley about my sketchbooks?”

“Oh, Kurt, he hasn’t stopped talking about them to Tina and me. And then after Tina saw your show on Wednesday? Goodness, the two of them have been scheming up all kinds of crazy for the new department. It’s giving this place a raw, fresh buzz of electricity. It’s great.” 

Kurt looks at the two of them, bewildered like he’s not quite sure what to make of everything. Blaine takes his hand in his and squeezes.

“Alright, Ms. Marley, scoot, scoot. You are giving away all my secrets. We’ll see you later!” he teases her for saying so much.

“Aye, aye Boss. You two have fun. See you Monday.” She grabs her purse, a stack of folders, and then she disappears around the corner and out of the studio.

As soon as she’s gone, Blaine slides his fingers in Kurt’s belt loops and presses him up against the glass of the copier room, kissing him deeply for a few minutes. “You okay? That was probably a lot for you.” 

“Yeah, I just you…”

“Yeah, I’m sorry. Your sketchbooks, baby, they inspired me. I wasn’t kidding about that.”

“I’m, I—can we do the tour? I need a few minutes, I think.”

“Of course, honey! And for the billionth time, Kurt, just because I walk around spouting my daydreams with zero chill doesn’t mean I expect anything from you. Alright?”

“I know. It’s just overwhelming.”

“That’s understandable. Come on, let’s go.”

Blaine gives him the full tour. There are three recording studios with full production rooms filled wall to wall with state of the art equipment. There are several more offices down another hallway. On the other side of that hallway there is a break room with turquoise cabinets, a bright modern yellow light fixture that takes up a quarter of the ceiling, red pendant lamps, steel tables, orange chairs, and two stainless steel refrigerators. Kurt’s not sure why, but it puts a massive smile on his face. Blaine seems to get that the office can be a fun place. It doesn't have to be dull and stifling _._

 _Oh hell, I’m already picturing myself here. I can imagine sitting here and talking to Marley with coffee, chatting about the latest news. Meetings in the conference room we passed. Imagining seeing Blaine doing his thing in his office and smiling at me as I walk by. Getting lost in sketches in one of these offices. This is making it all too tangible and real._ There is a weird kind of hope growing in his chest. He could be part of something that makes a difference in people's lives, people who were just like him.

“Alright, so come on, come on, this is what I’m most excited to show you. We have an upstairs annex that we hardly utilize, just up these stairs. We’re thinking this is where we would expand the new design department. I’d love to know what you think.”

Once Kurt walks up the stairs, his mind short circuits. There's a gorgeous old hardwood floor, exposed brick, exposed wooden beams mixed with modern air conditioning tubes, a glassed-in conference room, two offices, and a loft area balcony with metal railing. Right now, it looks like there is an office up there that no one uses. Kurt walks around for a moment before sitting on the bottom step of the stairs leading to the loft area. He puts his hands on his face rubbing a few times vigorously. _How can this be real?_

__

Blaine intuitively knows that Kurt needs some space, so he goes and sits on the top stair of the stairs they just came up; they are about ten feet apart but pretty close to the same eye level. Blaine lets Kurt think for a while, and he tries to calm himself down. He realizes that even though he didn’t mean to, he's probably pushing Kurt a little too hard on this. He wishes he could take it all back and bring Kurt here for the first time without any “potential job” hanging over them. But the truth of it is that Blaine is serious about this. If he had shown up at that fashion show without knowing Kurt, he would still be right where he is. He’d want Kurt to take this job. This has absolutely nothing to do with their relationship, but he’s unsure how he can explain that and get that through to Kurt. In the meantime, he’s determined to sit here until Kurt is ready to talk to him. 

“What’s your vision for this job and department you are trying to create, Blaine?” Kurt finally says. He’s hiding it well, but Blaine can tell from his voice that he’s either cried a few tears or he’s been beating them back into submission.

Blaine turns to look at Kurt, resting his head against the railing handle of the stairs. “We want someone with a vision for our artists. Someone who can hear their music and understand who they are at their core. Someone who can see past what they think they want and deliver a styling package that will help make them unique as they head out in the world to make a name for themselves as openly LGBT+ artists. We want them to feel confident. We want them to be professional. We want them to make it. 

"We want to be able to do more custom pieces for their live shows and concerts. Right now, we can handle a few pieces, but not many. We work with quite a few brands to style their everyday looks, but we need someone who can look at those brands and reimagine them on these artists in a way that is uniquely theirs. Eventually, if it was working, we could take on more style and design clients. It doesn't just have to be exclusively our artists. 

“In my mind, there is the head of the department that works closely with our signed artists but utilizes the team we have to do some of the more arduous and tedious work for them. This way, they can spend the most time with concepts and ideas, keeping our studio on the cutting edge, always. We need someone who can spot trends before they happen. We need to start making fashion here and send it out into the world on the backs of our clients. There is also the charity side of it, designing items for auctions, fundraisers, t-shirts, and such, too. There is so much that we could do. But we don’t have the set up for it, so we’ve been doing the best we can. Which has been good enough— but it’s not amazing like it could be, Kurt.” 

“And you think someone could do all that?”

“Yes and no. I think that someone could do _some_ of those things, and I would take that. Even getting seventy-five percent of that would be absolutely a dream come true. I think we could find someone. But Kurt, I think ** _you_** could do all of it.”

“Why? Why do you think that, Blaine?”

“Oh, Kurt, you just have no idea how truly magnificent you are, do you?” Blaine gets up and comes over to sit on the floor in front of the step where Kurt is seated, looking down. Blaine still doesn’t touch him but asks, “Kurt, will you look at me, please?” Kurt brings his head up and looks deep into his eyes.

“Kurt, you know what it means to come out, to try to be accepted as a gay teen. You were proud of who you were. You were incredibly fashion-forward even then. You have a music background. You play the piano, understand music at the very heart of it; it speaks to you. You’ve written musicals. You have a bachelor's degree from NYADA, Kurt. That is so rare! And then on top of all that, you can rock ten-inch heels and belt out Lady Gaga like you own the stage. You can sing _Born This Way_ and outshine all your peers. You got a job at Vogue as an assistant to Isabelle Wright right out of High School, Kurt. Do you even know what that says about you? You adore fashion. You are getting your second bachelor's degree in it. Who does that? Who graduates from NYADA and then goes after their second dream too because he’s willing to make the sacrifice to do it? Who is willing to work that hard? And then, you, Kurt, you...wow, I mean, do you not understand that you stole the show on Wednesday?”

“I can’t help but pull focus. I’m sorry,” Kurt tries to joke, but it doesn't reach his eyes, and it sounds flat. 

“You pull focus in all the best ways possible. And baby, can we talk about how you can read people? I don’t know how you do it, but you seem to understand people or see them differently than the rest of us do. I just watched you with Marley. Don’t tell me you don't already know everything you need to know about her and that you love her. You probably picked up on things I don't even know.” 

Kurt grins at him, a sweet half-smile. He did pick up a lot about Marley.

“Your particular skill set, Kurt, is something that I could have never imagined a few weeks ago. I wish I could make you understand that this has _nothing_ to do with us being together. I don't need to create a job for you, Kurt. As my boyfriend, I’m not trying to ‘help’ you or give you a hand up in the world. Geez, if anything, this job isn’t big enough for you and what you are capable of, and I understand that! 

"But, Kurt, you have inspired me as Blaine Anderson, owner of Courage Production Studio. I saw that you were everything we’ve been missing here, and maybe that is all this is ever supposed to be. Maybe you can just help me get it set up. Maybe your vision of what this job could be will move the studio forward into the future, and you are still free to live your dreams. Does that make any sense at all?” 

“It does, Blaine. But from my side, can you see how it all seems too good to be true? I bump into this freaking hot guy in Dolce and Gabbana, fall in love with him, move into his skyrise loft, and then get hired fresh out of college to run a new department at his very impressive production studio? I mean, you couldn’t make this stuff up. That book someone is writing about the greatest love story ever told is at this part, and rolling their eyes, thinking this was all too easy—it’s not realistic. No one gets their happily ever after like this.”

“Stop it, Kurt. You know that is ridiculous and not true. You’ve been living on almost nothing financially for seven years supporting yourself. You’ve been working your ass off at Vogue and going to school full time. You sacrificed what was easy so you could get both the degrees you wanted—in record time I might add. You are an exceptional friend and an amazing son. You’ve lived through more heartbreak than most people could even fathom at your young age. You’ve been bullied and abused and misunderstood. Damn it, Kurt! You deserve more than this happy ending, so much more. So stop. You and I are allowed to be happy, Kurt. We’ve fought tooth and nail for our survival in the last few years. We need to stop it right now, both of us, and realize that we can be happy. We deserve to be loved and happy, Kurt.”

Kurt leans over and pulls Blaine up to his knees to hug him, burying his face in Blaine’s neck, letting go of the tears he’s been holding in. 

“Come what may?” Kurt finally asks in a rough whisper.

“Come what may,” Blaine hugs him tighter.

“Your knees are probably killing you, sorry bee!” He stands up on the step and helps Blaine up too. “You have some paper and some pens? We have things to talk about, Mr. Anderson.” Kurt says as he walks into the glass conference room and sits down. Once again, Kurt leaves Blaine’s head spinning. He quickly goes downstairs, finds some pads of paper, markers, and pens, and brings them back up to the hardly-ever-used- conference room where Kurt looks like he owns the place. Blaine wonders what’s in store for him. Kurt’s brain is something he’ll never get enough of. 

When Blaine walks in, Kurt stands up and offers his hand. “Mr. Anderson, it’s nice to see you again. Thank you for coming to my show on Wednesday and for meeting with me on a Saturday. I’m sure you have better things to do.”

“It’s wonderful to see you again, too, Mr. Hummel, and I can assure you that I’m happy to be here.”

“I understand that you are looking for input and ideas on starting a new style and design department at Courage Production Studio?”

“Indeed. We’re all ears. We’d love to hear any feedback you might have on attracting the newest talent to work with our artists. We’re looking to hire a few new employees, including the head of the department.” 

“I see. Well, I have a million and one ideas I’d be happy to share.”

“I’d love to hear them. However, we wouldn’t want you to feel like you were doing all of this without compensation. What would you like to get out of this brainstorming session Mr. Hummel?”

“Let’s just call it an investment in the most important person in my life.” He nods to Blaine, confirming it's him. 

Blaine can’t keep up the pretense anymore; he looks at Kurt with awe. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Honey Bee,” a smile radiates from inside his body outwards. Blaine marvels once again how Kurt seems to be made of sunshine when he’s relaxed and happy. 

“You ready for this, Blaine? I’m about to start talking, and it might be a while before I stop. Hand me one of those pads and some markers, will you?” Blaine slides them over across the table to Kurt.

“Okay, so yeah, it was fun to pretend for a minute, but let’s jump into this. Firstly, if, and right now— it’s just an if — we talk about this more seriously, I don’t just want this job handed to me, Blaine. I think you owe it to yourself, too, to make sure that there isn't someone out there who would be a better fit for you. Don’t even argue. I see your face brooding over there. Blaine, this is important to me. Can you understand why?”

“Yes, I do. Of course, I do. And I can see the cogs going a hundred miles an hour in your noggin, so spill it, baby. I’ll sit here and try not to interrupt you.” 

“Here’s what I think. I think you should spend some time brainstorming the job description. It sounds like maybe you all already started that this week, but it needs to be written up and reflect the company's creative spirit and what you are looking for. Then I think you should do something crazy for the interview process Blaine, I mean, this is a big job. I would assume you want to vet it as much as you can. How many artists do you have signed right now?”

“Well, we have ten we represent exclusively, but we also work with independent artists on their albums and such.” 

“Alright, let’s go with ten artists. That is a great number to use for this example, maybe too many for reality, but let’s just run with it for now. I think you should make a movie or some sort of compilation interviewing your artists. Asking them all the same five questions and then include three of their top songs, put some clips of their shows, you know a basic ‘everything you need to know about this artist in a nutshell.’

“Second, publish the job listing and go through an initial hiring process just like you usually would; making sure you like the person, that they have the necessary skills like organization, etc.. If you like them, you’d give them the movie and tell them you want them to come up with a basic style package for each artist. Maybe three everyday outfits, two concert outfits, and one red carpet look. I don’t think you can expect a full portfolio. Just tell them you want preliminary sketches or collages, or however they want to present it to you. 

“Third, and this part is purely selfish, you’d be going to a lot of extra work for me, but it might be a fun way to do this for future positions, too. But I think their presentations should be turned into an independent person, almost like a mediator you've hired. Each candidate's proposals would be put in generic presentation folders, so they are all the same. You'd need to tell the candidates everything has to be 8.5x11, sorry getting lost in details here—”

“It's great, Kurt. Keep going, baby,” Blaine encourages him.

“So these folders are brought into the room by this independent person, and every single one of them will look the same. There will be no bias as to which designer each package belongs to. Not even you will know, Blaine. You can have your artists here, and if that’s not possible, maybe on Zoom or something. Or perhaps all of the looks for that artist are just emailed to them. But the point here is they pick their top three choices for each category. Labeling them one, two, three, and you can use these numbers for points or votes.

“The independent person would tally up all the votes. They would be able to tell you which designer was chosen most of the time. There might be one designer selected in the top three choices eighty percent of the time, and wow, you’d sure know who to hire! You could even have them break it down into each category. Maybe a designer was chosen in the top three for red carpet looks by all ten artists. You might need to hire that designer to work on red carpet looks, even just as a contractor! Is this making sense at all? I think taking away the designer's name from the portfolios gives each designer an equal chance. 

“Is that all too complicated, Blaine? I don’t know. But if I was picked the most, all done without anyone knowing who it was, I would feel like I earned the job, that I would be good at it. And the truth is you owe it to yourself. You should hire the best person you can, even if it's not me. And if it's close, you could always decide based on other factors. But you’d know, without a doubt, who was getting to the heart of your artists.”

“Kurt. I just—wow.” Blaine is just staring at Kurt with a look of wonderment.

“I’m not sure if the process would turn some applicants off, but I would certainly expect to have to prove I could style artists if I walked in here to apply. Ten is a lot, though, that would be a challenge. Not that it’s impossible, but it is a lot. The other thing you could do is have them bring in a portfolio assortment after they watch the video. Lay them all out on the table and have the artists pick their favorite overall portfolio. Maybe the outfits don't have to be specifically geared towards each artist. It wouldn't be the ideal way, though—I think the first way would be better. So you can see if the designer is resonating with individual artists. Okay, I’m rambling again. But that’s my idea for the hiring process.”

“This is brilliant, Kurt. So brilliant.” 

They spend the next hour refining Kurt’s idea, brainstorming more ideas. Filling up at least twenty sheets of paper with all their ideas, doodles, charts, and ways to make it happen. It’s an ambitious hiring project, to say the least, but this job is so unique it requires something special. When Blaine mentions the office space again and asks Kurt if he thinks it would work. Kurt gets his second wind. He’s practically jumping up and down in his chair, spouting off twenty ideas right off the top of his head. 

“I wish I could shake your hand right now and tell you you have the job. Then give you the company credit card to get this place up to where it needs to be for the vision ahead. I get why it’s so important for you to interview, Kurt. But I want you to know I would have hired you on the spot today, anyway. I need you to know that you are amazing, baby. This was so much fun and I love having you here.”

“Thank you for your faith in me, Blaine, but yes, this is important to me to apply. You deserve the best person for the job even if it’s not me. And honey, I’ll always be here to support you. I don’t need to work here to come in on a Saturday to help you with things like this. I love you. I want to support you always. Okay?”

“Thank you, Kurt. Your support means the world to me. I’m going to get to work on this straight away. With the winter graduation coming up at Parsons, it seems like a good time. If we can pull it off, we might be able to get everything set up for the new year.”

“I have no doubt you can do it. And the hiring process will be stressful for the candidates, but we’re all working on this exact kind of thing in our classes right now. You should talk to Professor Royce. In the future, you might be able to hire interns, that could be fun.”

“Alright! Perfect, I have somewhere to start. Now, Mr. Hummel, would you allow me to take you to an early dinner? Let’s do something crazy and go out into the world. What do you say?”

“So forward of you, Mr. Anderson,” Kurt stops mid-sentence and blushes as hard as he did earlier. He’s bright red, and he can feel the heat coming off of his skin. Blaine gives him a questioning look. 

“Huh. I mean, I know I’ve been calling you that, and I know how it turns you on, but standing here, where you own the place, where we keep slipping back and forth between roles, umm, yeah—that’s new,” Kurt somehow manages to blush even more. 

Blaine laughs and walks around the table to where Kurt has been sitting and pulls him out of his chair, wrapping his arms tight around him. _And oh wow, he wasn’t kidding. He’s very turned on. Oh my hell, he’s so hard._ He whispers into Kurt’s ear, “Should we add interoffice role-playing to your ever-growing list of kinks, Mr. Hummel?” 

Kurt whimpers in his ear. _What is wrong with me? This is so embarrassing!_ Before he knows what's happened, Blaine’s got him pinned up against the wall. Both hands above his head held with one hand, a leg between his thighs, so he has something rut against. 

Blaine’s free hand is unbuttoning the first few buttons of his shirt, his face nuzzling into Kurt’s neck, breathing heavily. Nipping at the skin, licking with his warm tongue, and then blowing over it, sending shivers all over Kurt’s body. He keeps working lower until he finds some unblemished skin, which is becoming a more difficult task as the days go by, and bites down hard.

Kurt doesn’t mean to, but a startled scream escapes his lungs. He almost comes just from that. It takes superhuman strength to reign it back in. With that strength, he switches their positions in a blink of an eye. Now he’s got Blaine pinned up against the wall and returns the favor, unbuttoning his shirt and sucking a beautiful mark into Blaine’s skin right over his heart. He’s not allowing Blaine to move an inch, and he loves how it feels to have him pressed hard up against his thigh. 

He kisses his way back to Blaine’s ear. In a deep voice full of want that surprises even himself, he whispers, “Mr. Anderrrsssson, I want you. I want you in every room in this building. I want you to see me everywhere you go. I want you to walk into a room and remember what we did there and struggle not to blush in front of the other employees. I want you to walk into your office and get hard at the thought of all the ways we took each other apart in every corner on every surface.” 

Blaine is whining, moaning, and writhing against Kurt’s hold on him. He’s lost his ability to speak. 

Kurt kisses Blaine deeply for a few minutes. He’s so turned on he can’t help himself. But the run-in with Marley before is weighing on his mind. Wondering if someone else might show up combined with the shock of this newfound part of himself becomes too much. 

“In the meantime, Mr. Anderson, I do believe I’d like to go to dinner with you. Shall we be off then? Before we both lose all sense of propriety and become completely feral in your workplace?” A small blush flushes over his nose and cheeks.

Blaine’s head is spinning _again_. What in the world just happened? Every time he thinks things can’t get hotter with Kurt, well, Kurt pulls something like that. How does he turn it off so fast and go back to being embarrassed? Blaine uses Kurt’s temporary cooling off to turn them back to their original positions. Except for this time, he holds Kurt’s hands down at his sides. 

He kisses him before he whispers into his ear, “I have no idea what I did to ever deserve having you in my life Mr. Hummel, but may I always be worthy of it. I don’t know where all of that came from, but if you're ever ready to bring it back out, we can do anything you want—anywhere you want. That was so damn hot, baby. And what the hell is the use of owning a place like this if I can’t do what I want to in it?” This time he has Kurt moaning. “I’m going to let you go now, after I—,” and just for good measure, he gives Kurt one last mark before he pulls away, staring at each other, trying to catch their breath.

“We’re ridiculous,” Kurt says as he starts to laugh.

“We really are,” Blaine says as he laughs too, taking a few steps back. 

They stand there laughing, both of them obviously still very turned on. Huge smiles on their faces and a future day they both know is coming for them. When they won’t stop, when they’ll give in and enjoy the feeling of doing something that seems forbidden. Maybe when Kurt has just a little more experience and confidence. He’s quickly coming into his own, even if it terrifies him to realize just what he’s capable of. The things he wants now that he feels safe in his desires, safe with his heart in Blaine’s hands, it’s a beautiful thing, and it blossoms in Kurt’s chest.

\------------------------------

They decide that since they are going out, they might as well do something spontaneous and crazy. So after a suitable location has been found a seventy-four minute drive away, they settle into the back of the car, privacy shield up cuddled into each other’s arms. The comfortable silence hangs over them, letting their hearts have some time to process everything. 

About twenty minutes into the drive, Kurt whispers, “Blaine?”

“Hmmm?” Blaine responds as he kisses the top of Kurt’s head.

“Can you tell me what it’s like for you? The soulmate bond, if you had to explain it to someone?”

“Oh, baby. I—” Blaine takes a deep breath. “I feel like myself for the first time in my life. It makes me feel whole. I feel like with you, I fit inside my own heart and mind for the first time. I feel like all the parts of me that were missing were filled with every touch. In the shop, the first time? I felt a ‘whooshing.’ I don’t know how to explain it. It was like from all the corners of the universe, the parts of me that were scattered were suddenly collected and pressed into my body when you touched me. 

"And as we spent more time together, the more our hearts calibrated to each other, the more me I became, and yet, it’s not just me, it’s an us. You are part of me in every way now. I feel—like I can truly, truly be who I am. I mean, I told you how much I love Star Wars fanfiction after a few days of knowing you. That was my dirty little shameful secret that I’ve never shared with anyone in the world. And you laughed and told me you get it. I mean, what is that? I feel loved like I never have before, and I want to make you feel the same way. And not from my usual clingy place, but from a place of true love; I want you to feel that too. I’m not scared to be cheesy around you or tell you what I need or want to do to you or with you. I love that I can call you baby, love, and Sunshine, and you call me Honey Bee. I feel whole and loved beyond measure, to put it in one succinct sentence.” 

“I love you, bee,” Kurt says softly.

“I love you too, Sunshine. You okay, sweetheart?” Blaine asks, he’s not sure he can read Kurt’s mood right now.

Kurt turns his head up from Blaine’s shoulder to try to look at him. “Do you think it’s actually possible we have lived other lives together? I know we’ve sort of mentioned it, but I’ve been thinking—is it possible? I don’t know—I’ve never believed in any god. But faced with the reality that I feel like I knew you, that’s a lot to think about.”

“I believe it with all my heart, Kurt. I don’t know _how_. I can’t explain it, but I feel like I've always known you. Like I’m remembering you from somewhere.” 

“What do you think that means for us? We’ve been so caught up in all of it. I know we’ve talked about it. But what does it mean, and how does it affect us?”

“I think we have to be careful of some fairytale story arch. I know I’ve teased about movies, camera pan to the honeymoon, fanfiction, and how someone is writing this epic love story about us. And in some ways, all of that is true, Kurt it really is. I think our story is a story for the ages. Still, I also know that we’re both going to screw up sooner or later. We’re going to get in some epic fights. It could even be something really stupid, you know, like someone will leave toothpaste on a towel, and all hell is going to break loose over nothing because we’re human. 

“We’re both perfectly imperfect works in progress. But I also have faith in us. I have faith in this foundation we’re working so hard to build so that when those times come—and they will, the illusion isn’t shattered around us. The illusion that this thing between us was supposed to be easy or perfect because we were soulmates.” Blaine pulls Kurt tighter to him, kisses him on his forehead lingering there for a moment before he continues.

“We’ve already chosen, and we remind ourselves of that every day. I chose you. I choose you. I’ve chosen you. That is always the answer. Then we sit down and we work through our issues. And we have. We’ve dealt with some pretty big stuff already, Kurt. So for me, being soulmates is at the foundation, but it’s not the answer. I know I need to work at this, but I also know I’m safe and loved and that when I screw up, we’ll figure it out together. As you said, we’re falling in love the traditional way, too. Right?” Blaine looks down at Kurt, who nods against his chest but doesn't say anything.

“The flip side of that is that I know if I can get out of my head that this tether between us, this bond between us, can work miracles. It's watching over us. Sometimes I need to be better at letting go and following my intuition. Sometimes those are huge scary things, but they feel so right. Like saying how much I want to marry you, and knowing at the very center of my soul that we’d be okay if you moved in with me—what the world thinks be damned. So it’s a dance, isn’t it? Finding that balance?”

Kurt finally sits up and turns to look at Blaine, taking his hands and rubbing his knuckles. “Yeah, honestly, I think that is the part that is hardest for me in all of this. I’ve said before—it’s all so good that I feel like something has to come and break it. I love what you said at the studio earlier today, that we’re allowed to be happy. It’s _okay_ to be happy. I’m not sure I’ve thought about that, you know?

"While I’ve been content and goal-oriented and known where I was headed, I've even felt whole— when was the last time I was well and truly happy? Like down in my tippy toes up to the roots of my hair happy? I think the honest answer is, never, Blaine, never—until I met you. So I will need to work on that because this is huge breakthrough stuff, isn’t it? For me to all of a sudden feel like it’s okay to be happy?

"And also to miraculously feel comfortable with sex for the first time—not just comfortable but to love it. To feel safe, to feel loved. I found where I belong.” Kurt takes a deep breath and exhales it slowly. “It’s a lot to take in, and I don’t want to do some sort of insane self-sabotage or start building a wall around my heart to protect me from what must be coming for me because there is no way I can have all this.”

“Baby, I understand, I do, honey. It’s a legitimate fear and concern, Kurt. I know that I have done that in the past, the self-sabotage of happy endings. Need I remind you of me pulling the word ‘complicated’ out on our first date? I’ve been working on it with my therapist. Maybe it’s something we can write in the journal and talk to our therapist together. Figuring out how that will, or could, show up in our relationship so we can watch out for it?”

“I agree, my Honey Bee. I know sooner or later it’s going to hit me hard. I don’t want to be complacent about this. So putting that in the journal sounds perfect.” Kurt settles back into Blaine’s shoulder after kissing over his heart.

“Can I ask you the same question, though, Kurt? How do you see what we have when you think about us, our soulbond?”

Kurt closes his eyes, trying to find that place in his heart where he first felt the tug. “I felt a small tugging on my heart the very first time we met. I tried to convince myself it wasn’t real. I thought I’d never see you again, although my heart told me I would—I should have listened. And then the note with the scarf—the tug pulled a bit harder. And then our first date at Tangerine Terrace, and the photo we took—I still love that first photo of us so much. It continued with the text you sent me the day after, then every day, every moment it got stronger and stronger. Whatever was binding us was becoming almost unbreakable. 

“I feel—it’s, wow. I feel like as our hearts and souls calibrated to each other that somehow they were melted down and reforged together. They were put back into our chests, two halves made whole now connected in this lifetime. It feels like the only thing that could ever break it is—selfishness? It feels like white fire. It feels pure and sacred. 

“When I’m still, it tingles and vibrates under my skin—like you are always here with me, protecting me. It feels like home and unchartered waters at the same time. It feels like I’m perched continuously over the cliff's edge, but you are my wings. It’s a dichotomy, always. Pushing us forward towards our forever, but ever grounded in a past I don’t remember. But if I’m quiet and reach into the recesses of my mind, I can see flashes of light where memories once were. It’s a meadow of golden sunshine with you in my arms.”

Blaine can’t hold back the few silent tears that escape his eyes. His butterfly dream comes flooding back to his mind, someday when the moment is right he’ll tell Kurt. “A meadow of golden sunshine,” he barely whispers and then kisses Kurt’s head once again as they let the silence fall back over them. 

\----~---------------------~---

When they arrive at their destination, a curly-haired man is taken aback when Kurt flings himself into his arms before getting out of the car. “I feel so safe with you, Blaine.” He holds him tenderly for a few minutes, letting those words hang in the air, soaking into his skin and heart. “I feel safe with you too, Kurt.”

He steals a quick kiss, then Blaine reaches for the door handle to exit the car.

“You ready for this, Sunshine?” he almost giggles.

“You better believe it, Blaine Blaine! Bring it on!” 

They face the miniature golf course like the brave, ridiculous boyfriends they are, careful not to show it. They are in public, after all. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warnings for this Chapter:** Accidental/Found Kink Interoffice Role-playing, Grinding, Someone walking in on clothed groping in a semi-public place that was supposed to be empty. Awkard Moment. 
> 
> **Authors Notes:**
> 
> Love these boys so much. Thanks for still being here reading along...I'd guess there is so much fun in their future!  
> And tomorrow is the last day of Chapters in "real-time"!
> 
> \------  
> You can find artwork (and aesthetics aka "mood boards") and other related posts to this chapter on my Tumblr page [GleefulPoppet](https://gleefulpoppet.tumblr.com/), I'll be adding things over the next month. And I try to add the artwork to the chapter each night as well.
> 
> [Click Here to See Larger on Tumblr](https://gleefulpoppet.tumblr.com/post/632901474340519936/chapter-20-you-got-my-head-spinning-posted-this)


	21. Sunday: I'll Give My All to You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Word Count: 13k+ [Warnings can be found in the notes if you need them]

Kurt gazes out the window where the soft light of dawn is filtering through—lost in thoughts about his extraordinary life—feeling so grateful for all he’s been given. He is safe, happy, has Blaine in his arms, has a family that loves and supports him. He has ambition and drive to make his dreams come true, has the motivation to make sure every day matters—for his mom and his brother, for himself. He feels so blessed. He says a silent thank you in his heart over and over again like a mantra. 

He feels Blaine stir in his arms, rolling over from being the little spoon to start pressing small kisses all over his chest. 

“Good morning, my Sunshine,” Blaine whispers in a rough morning voice. 

“Good morning, my Honey Bee. Sleep well?”

“With you holding me? Of course, I did, baby,” Blaine says between the kisses he’s still leaving on Kurt’s skin. “How ‘bout you?”

“ _Mmmmm,_ yes. I slept so well.” 

Blaine’s kisses are getting lower and lower as he slowly works himself under the sheet covering them. He kisses down to Kurt’s hipbone, sucking over it, before playfully nipping at it. He moves to the other one and does the same thing. He takes a moment to rub his scruffy cheek against the gorgeous happy trail, enjoying the friction. He loves the way goosebumps break out all over Kurt’s thighs. He follows that meticulously groomed trail until he can rub his cheek against Kurt’s beautiful cock. He really can’t believe how perfect it is.

“You are so gorgeous, Kurt. I don’t think I’ll ever get over it,” he mumbles into his skin as he brushes his lips along the length of him. Kurt is squirming and trying not to buck his hips up into each one of Blaine's caresses. Blane finally slides his body between Kurt’s legs, placing one hand on each of Kurt’s hips, fingers digging in slightly on the sides as he continues to worship Kurt’s body. 

“Please, Blaine! Please!” Kurt finally moans.

“Please, what, angel?” Blaine is more than willing to give Kurt anything in the world he could ever want. 

“Hold me tighter, take me in your mouth, please, Blaine!” he begs.

Blaine digs his fingers into his hips harder. His fingers are turning white with the pressure.

“Yes, Blaine, yes!”

He licks over the head of Kurt’s cock, moaning at the taste. He slides his mouth down swiftly after that, taking in as much as he can. Gliding his tongue over the tip on every upstroke and sealing his lips as tight as he can on every downstroke. He still laments not being able to take more of Kurt into his mouth, but it will take a lot more practice for both of them. He pushes himself further than he has before, though, pressing hard on Kurt’s hips so he can’t thrust up.

He takes the tip of Kurt to the back of his mouth, almost down his throat, willing his gag reflex to be still. He can only do it for a few seconds, but Kurt’s reaction is all the motivation he needs to keep trying. He’s panting, moaning, begging Blaine for more—more anything, chanting his name over and over again. He tries it again, and again—he feels lost in a haze. 

The only thing that matters in the whole world right now is making Kurt happy, his own cock forgotten. He has no idea how long he’s been down on Kurt, but he needs him to come. He wants the rush for him more than he needs it for himself. He releases his hands off of Kurt’s hips and wraps them with fingers intertwined around Kurt’s magnificent cock—rubbing him up and down quickly, sucking on the head as hard as he can—laving his tongue in swirls around the tip every few strokes. He feels the change in Kurt’s pulse and the heat of his skin before Kurt can even vocalize it.

“Oh, damn, Blaine! Oh, baby, I’m, Blllllllllllllaine!” Kurt’s hips thrust up off the bed, tugging hard at the curly locks in his grip as he screams. Coming hard into Blaine’s waiting mouth, where he greedily swallows every drop of the hot liquid filling his mouth, moaning in ecstasy. He pulls off Kurt’s cock and continues kissing him everywhere he can reach before resting his forehead on Kurt’s thigh, trying to catch his breath. 

Before he realizes what’s happening, Kurt’s pulling him up the length of the bed so that he can kiss him. It’s a scorching kiss, full of heat and passion. Of course, Kurt is still rock hard, and Blaine’s poor, neglected cock rubs hard against Kurt’s thigh.

“I can taste mint, Blaine. You’ve been up already, can we...?”

“Yeah, yeah, I hoped…”

“Oh, thank heavens. I need…”

“Yeah…”

Kurt has materialized a bottle of lube and has Blaine turned over and flipped on his back on the mattress within seconds. He moves down Blaine’s body, fingers slick and ready to take him apart. In what is quickly becoming his signature, he’s got a finger in Blaine and his cock as far as he can into his mouth, all in one elegant movement. 

“Oh hell, Kurt, I can’t. I can’t. Oh, love, I’m so close already.” 

Kurt decides he’ll try a different kind of torture then until he gets Blaine stretched. He licks up the shaft and then releases his hot breath from deep inside his chest, exaggerating the noise of the exhale of air. Small moans are escaping as well.

Now it’s Blaine’s turn to beg and squirm underneath Kurt. He then moves to below Blaine’s cock, taking the skin into his lips, rubbing it together with his tongue before he lightly takes one of his balls into his mouth, rolling over it with his tongue. Blaine is beside himself. He’s got a death grip on the sheets with two hands, too afraid that if he has his hands in Kurt’s hair, he’ll hurt him from pulling too hard.

After Kurt is sure that Blaine is ready for him, he slowly pulls back to look at Blaine, who is wrecked beneath him. He loves this so much. He loves feeling safe in their bed, that he can do this to Blaine, that they want each other so badly, that they take such good care of each other. He closes his eyes and basks in the feeling for a moment. Feeling perfectly healthy and normal and in love with who he is entirely and who they are together. But a whimper from Blaine has him back in 'attentive lover' mode quickly.

He pours some lube in Blaine’s hand, juts his own cock out to him, begging him to get him ready for him. Blaine props himself on one elbow, reaches down with the lube-slick hand, and rubs Kurt a few times before Kurt pulls away. He lines up his cock with Blaine and slowly pushes in. Starting the dance, they are getting so much better with each day that passes. Going slowly enough and being in tune enough not to hurt Blaine, but going fast enough for it to be hot and heady. 

“Kurt! Kurt! Oh dammit baby, it’s so much! Oh, hell, you’re so big! Sh— Kurt! Feels so good!” 

Kurt has also come to love these little remarks, even about his size, and how Blaine babbles during this part. Somehow, hearing Blaine's words fills him with a sense of pride that he can satisfy his lover. They are said from a place of pure love and elation. It fills him with light and happiness. And if he’s honest, as he looks down at Blaine’s cock he’s pretty sure that, when he’s finally ready to bottom, the things Blaine says to him are going to seem pretty tame to what’s going to come out of his mouth. He’s starting to crave it, and he knows that the day will come when he’ll be ready to have everything with Blaine.

When he’s finally all the way in, he pulls up on his knees, pressing hard into him but not moving. They both love the pressure, the anticipation. 

“Kiss me, please!” Blaine finally requests into the electricity between them. Kurt is only too happy to oblige, kissing him fiercely. During the kiss, he spreads his knees out lower and wider. He pulls out slowly and then gives a hard thrust back into Blaine. He catches Blaine’s screams in his mouth. He repeats the action several times. He’s not sure how Blaine can take it anymore. They’ve been at all of this for at least an hour. His cock is leaking between them. His orgasm is still just on the horizon.

“You ready, baby? Want me to make you come?”

“NO!” Blaine roars. 

Kurt pulls back from where he was kissing at Blaine’s neck, looking at him questioningly, his eyebrows turned in concern.

“No, baby, I want you to come again. I need you to come again, pleeease! Need it, Kurt!”

“Geez, hell, Blaine!” The way he sounds so desperate for it, begging for Kurt’s orgasm, sparks something in Kurt, and he lets go of anything holding him back. He starts thrusting into Blaine hard, his hips slamming into Blaine’s thighs. “Love you, I love you!” he moans into Blaine’s neck. 

They haven’t tried this again, but Kurt needs to try, “Do you think... do you think you can ride me, honey? Can we try again?”

“Freaking hell, yes, Kurt!”

He lays his body flat against Blaine’s, scooping up underneath his back, and flips them over so that Blaine is on top. Blaine immediately pulls his legs up behind him so he’s on his knees, both hands on Kurt’s chest, one over his heart. He pulls up and slams back down into Kurt. 

“Oh, Kurt! Oh, Kurt! Yes, baby! Damn it, you’re—so—” he does it again and again, as his eyes flutter open and closed, trying to see Kurt, but it feels so good. Whatever pain was there earlier this week isn’t there now, and he wants this so bad. 

Kurt pulls his knees up slightly behind Blaine, giving him more leverage, and soon they have a rhythm going. Kurt thrusts up as Blaine comes down hard on his hips. The fire between them is burning bright—grunts, moans, screams of pleasure, names being said like prayers. It’s all so amazing. 

“Kurt, please! Kurt, Kurt!” Blaine begs, “Need to feel you come inside of me, Kurt!” He’s not sure why it matters so much, but it does. He needs to feel Kurt’s pleasure inside his body before he can even think about coming. 

Kurt grabs Blaine’s hips and presses firmly into them, thrusting up forcefully when he feels it rising—one of those waves that take forever to crest, but when it does, you know you’re going to be swept under. It’s so intense he can’t even tell Blaine it’s on the horizon. Can’t make a sound, and when Blaine moves slightly and presses down hard into him, it overtakes him. He screams out Blaine’s name, digging his fingers into Blaine’s side, desperately trying to hold on to anything in reality. He wonders for a moment if he’ll blackout. It’s so beautiful and so intense, it rolls over him with thoughts of how so in love with Blaine he is. _Blaine!_ His brain screams at him, Blaine hasn’t come yet.

He finally opens his eyes only to see a look on Blaine’s face he’s never seen before. He wants something. His body is radiating desire and need. Kurt has never wanted to make him happier than he has at this moment, “What do you need, baby? Tell me!” 

Before he knows what's happening, Blaine pulls himself off of Kurt's cock, _crawling_ up his body. He grabs Kurt’s arms and throws them behind him high on his back, and he scoots forward even more, leaning over, grabbing a pillow and shoving it under Kurt’s neck. 

“Blaine!” Kurt whimpers when he realizes what he wants, “Closer, baby!” Blaine lunges forward, throwing his hands against the headboard. Kurt is ready for him, taking as much of his length into his mouth as he can. He relaxes as mouth and throat as much as possible to let Blaine thrust in and out of him. Blaine is careful, trying not to push too hard, but the want radiating off his skin is palpable. Kurt can only moan to show how much he wants this, too, encouraging Blaine to take what he needs. 

His skin is hot as it slips in and out of his mouth. He’s so hard, and Kurt has bever been more frustrated that he isn’t better at this. But freaking hell, he is so big, it’s not exactly his fault, but he wants to make it so damn good for Blaine. He brings one hand down from around Blaine’s back and puts it around the base of his cock, pressing hard to give him more friction. 

A half a dozen more thrusts and Blaine stops. He jerks backward as he comes, not all of it going into Kurt’s mouth as he accidentally pulled out. Kurt lifts his head and takes Blaine back into his mouth, working him through the last of his orgasm. It’s almost too much for Blaine. 

He finally finds his voice as he pulls out of his mouth again, “Holy hell, Kurt!” He releases his hold from the headboard and scoots back so that he can lay down on Kurt. He leans in, kissing him for a moment before he licks up the side of Kurt’s chin and cheek, cleaning him off. He wonders if he should be embarrassed at what he’s doing and that he had come on Kurt’s face in the first place. But by the way, Kurt is moaning underneath him. He decides not to worry about it. They lay there kissing each other for quite some time while they come down from the incredible high. 

He loves the way they trace shapes into each other's skin when they cuddle. They’ve taken to writing out words, declarations of love outlined with the brush of fingertips, invisibly tattooed on their bodies forever.

“You okay, my love?” Blaine finally whispers.

“I’m more than okay, baby. That was—” Kurt still sounds a little out of it.

“Yeah, it was. I just, did I push you too far, honey?”

“No, bee. I loved all of it.” He lets out a laugh and grabs one of Blaine’s hands from where he’s drawing on his chest and pushes it down to his cock.

Blaine's breath hitches. “You can’t be—Kurt, are you—How?” Blaine lifts his head from Kurt’s shoulder to look down and make sure what he feels in his hand is indeed the actual truth. Kurt is _still_ hard.

“Apparently, I really liked that is all I’m trying to say. You do that to me, Blaine.”

Blaine whimpers and wishes he could do something about it, but he feels like he’s going to pass out as it is. Still, now that he has Kurt in his hand, he’s not letting go. He lays back down on Kurt’s chest and lazily strokes him, tries to memorize every ridge, vein, and ripple of skin. He shivers when he feels Kurt write I love you with his fingers on his back.

“Love you, too,” he mumbles, and they both drift off basking in the warmth of each other and the sun, which is now high on the horizon. 

\------------------------------

Over their mid-morning breakfast, they have a fascinating discussion on the balance of the force and midi-chlorians. It’s only when Blaine declares that “A New Hope” will always be the best Star Wars movie ever, with undebatable conviction, as if he has spoken and that is final, that Kurt nods with a big smile and says, “Of course, honey,” and decides to change the subject. 

“I’ve got to get a couple of hours of school work this morning, bee. And then I was wondering if we could have our date early. This talk today is a big one, and I’d like to do it while we’re both alert and functioning at our best?”

“Yes, of course, we can. What did you have planned? Should I schedule a car?”

“No, after yesterday—I feel like maybe we pushed it. We keep saying this, but we can’t hide the fact we’re together. The cycle starts—we go stir crazy and leave the house and then while we're out, we can’t hide our heart eyes and decide to stay home. Until we go stir crazy again, and the cycle repeats. But yesterday, we were sort of off the charts flirting with each other on that mini-golf course, yeah? Let's stay home.”

“Yeah, I’m sorry about that. I know better, but you were so cute, and we’re both horrible at it, and it was just hard not to laugh our asses off together. But nobody approached us, so I think we’re okay, but staying home is fine with me.”

“Baby, I had so much fun! Don’t apologize, but we’ll stay home and feel like we’re responsible. Plus, I have something planned for you to show off your talents and wow me with your incredible self, so I’m sure it will be wonderful,” he winks at Blaine.

“Oh, I’m intrigued. Let me do the dishes so you can get a jump start on your homework? The sooner you can get started, the quicker I’ll have you back in my arms on this wonderful Sunday. Speaking of which, I’m going to do a grocery delivery order. Should I get waffle stuff?”

“Oh yes, I was going to walk down to the market later, but if you could get it, that is wonderful. Would you want to try my mom’s recipe?”

Blaine’s face lights up, “Yes! Kurt, I’d love that. Just tell me what you need, then I’ll leave you to do your homework, and I’ll take care of it, alright?”

“Thanks, baby.” Kurt is already in his recipe folder on Dropbox, pulling up the ingredients. If there is one thing Vogue has taught him, it’s how to organize one’s life. Within a minute, he has a list typed up and texted over to Blaine. 

“You’re amazing. You know that?”

Kurt looks up, startled from his phone. “Wait. What? I mean, thank you but—”

“You just are, Kurt. I’m almost as turned on by how you run your life as I am by your incredibly beautiful body, and that is really saying something.” He walks over and tackles Kurt pushing him against the refrigerator, playfully smacking him on the lips. 

“ _Mmmmmm_ well, just you wait until I start organizing _our household_ ,” he whispers into Blaine’s ear, sliding his free hand into Blaine's back pocket, pulling him as tight to his body as he can. 

“Damn, Kurt, this has got to be the weirdest kink ever. I’m glad you love me, unconditionally.” He presses his fully erect cock into Kurt’s thigh, and they both start laughing. 

Kurt leans back into his ear, “I wonder what would happen if I started talking about my plans to start scanning all the documents we need for a marriage license. Or how I have a folder marked Anderson-Hummel with my passport application, grocery budgets started, a link to our spreadsheet, and—” Blaine whimpers and pulls away. 

“You better stop, honey. I can’t—you, you, you better go get your schoolwork done before I rip your beautiful clothes right off your body and take you right here in the kitchen,” he laughs after he says it, but Kurt can see his eyes have gone dark and serious. 

“What if I want you to take me right here in the kitchen?” Kurt says suddenly, out of breath, he’s gone from zero to a hundred percent wanting it, and wanting it _right now_ in an instant. 

One look at Kurt and Blaine knows they just tipped over the edge. He’s unbuttoning Kurt’s shirt as fast as he can, Kurt is getting his jeans open. They both work on getting Blaine’s pants open, and his shirt is easily pulled off and tossed aside. They each pull their cocks out from their boxer briefs, pushing them out of the way just enough to be free of them.

“Why the hell did we even get dressed on our first Sunday home together?” Kurt growls into Blaine’s neck.

Blaine reaches down, clasping his hands around both of their cocks, and starts rubbing them out together. It’s so dry, but neither of them could care less. The friction is the best kind of hurt. The heat between them is building at a rapid pace. Kurt slides both of his hands into the gap at the back of Blaine’s pants, grabbing his ass and holding him tight, giving him leverage to pull and push against as he tries to get them off. The way they’re standing against the refrigerator, there isn’t a lot Kurt can do. He’s holding Blaine up so he can use both of his hands. And there isn’t enough space between them to kiss without compromising what Blaine is trying to do for them, so Kurt is helpless but to just watch and hold on to Blaine the best he can. As he watches their cocks, he whimpers when he sees pre-cum start to leak from both of them. 

Blaine is grunting and moaning at the effort of getting them off, which turns Kurt on even more. And knowing they’re in the kitchen? That this was all spur of the moment, that he turned Blaine on like that? He’s so close.

“Blaine! Blaine! Baby, I’m going to, Blaine!” His orgasm spills over Blaine’s hands, coating them both. Blaine keeps frantically rubbing, never more thankful that Kurt’s cock isn’t oversensitive after the first time he comes. He’s so close—he just needs a little more stimulation. Kurt must sense this because somehow he figures out how to lean over despite the height difference and the room Blaine needs to continue pulling at them to bite into Blaine’s shoulder and sucks hard, moaning out. It sends Blaine directly over the blissful edge they’ve been perched on. He’s spurting between them, chanting Kurt’s name over and over again in a whisper until he finally settles down from his high and rests his cheek on Kurt’s chest. 

“So, umm, thanks for that?” Kurt says shyly but with a giggle stuck in his throat.

“ _Mmm_ , no, thank _you,_ my love. But, honey, I’m not sure how much more I can take in twelve hours?” Blaine says, shaking his head against Kurt’s chest.

Kurt runs a finger down Blaine's back, “Did I break you, _Mr._ Anderson?” Kurt says in a sultry whisper.

Blaine moans exasperated, but with a hint of wanting. “Oh, don’t—don’t you even start with me on that after last night after what you— what we—oh hell, I can’t even think about it. Please, Kurt, take pity on me, give me a couple of hours before you do anything sexy again.” 

Kurt can’t help it. He throws his head back and starts laughing. “ _Mmmm_. I’ll consider it. In the meantime, let’s do something incredibly unsexy and clean this mess up between us, and then I’ll go do my homework that should help you, right?”

“Thank you, Sunshine. Maybe I should take a nap and try to recover.”

“I think you should, Honey Bee. It’s Sunday. Take a nap. Please don’t worry about me.”

“I think I’ll have guilt knowing you are out here working so hard on school.”

“Oh, stop. Go take a nap. Think of it as doing a favor for me. I won’t have guilt knowing that you are staying up because you have guilt, see? Plus, honey, I’ve only been having sex for less than a week, so a well-rested Blaine is my favorite Blaine right now,” he winks at him and kisses him loudly on the lips. 

“Kurt, you know that you are amazing in bed, right? I hope I’ve told you that enough, but I’m terrified for my future,” he starts laughing. “But the best kind of terrified, honey, I promise.” 

“ _Mmmm_ , just practicing for St. Lucia, baby. Let’s get you all cleaned up, and you can go dream about all the terrifying things I can do to you when I’ve had a little more practice.”

“Geez—hell, Kurt, could you at least _try_ to play fair?”

Kurt laughs again and pulls them to the bedroom, trying not to be grossed out at what a sticky mess they are. 

“I’ll get our clothes and underwear all mixed up in the washing machine before I nap, though,” Blaine whispers in Kurt’s ear as he starts to strip down.

“Now, who’s not playing fair?” Kurt laughs. 

_We’re so ridiculous, and I love him so much._ They both think at the same exact time. 

\------------------------------

Kurt sits cross-legged on the bed, watching Blaine sleep. All those thoughts of gratitude from this morning come rushing back to him. The magnitude of everything they’ve decided in such a short time is finally starting to register with him. But it isn’t pressing in on him, like a weight. It’s coming from inside of him and pressing out—making more room in his heart, in his soul, and in his body to fit Blaine inside of him.

He feels like his life is bigger than him now. He has someone that matters to him more than he ever thought possible. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, holding it, feeling the expansion happening inside of him. There is nothing there but peace. Blaine has brought peace into his life he never knew he could feel. Maybe it’s happiness in its purest form? Whatever it is, he is grateful. 

He leans down and kisses Blaine’s forehead. “Honey Bee, baby, do you want to wake up now?”

“Love you,” Blaine mumbles.

“Love you too, bee,” Kurt whispers back, kissing his forehead again. “You were asleep for four hours, angel. You feel any better?”

Blaine’s eyes shoot open “Four hours? Baby, I’m—!” 

“Shhhhhhh, I let you sleep until I was done with my schoolwork. You obviously needed it. Just relax, honey. You didn’t miss anything at all. I ordered us lunch and it should be here soon. You ready to get up?”

“Yeah, just need a minute.” Blaine’s eyes close again.

Kurt rubs his ear and plays with his hair as Blaine tries to come back to reality. “This is the first time I’ve ever picked up my date from a nap,” Kurt teases. 

Blaine’s eyes flutter open. “So many firsts for both of us,” he laughs lightly, but he turns suddenly serious. ‘Kurt, I—” but the words get stuck in his throat. 

“What is it, bee?”

“I’m scared, Kurt.” He finally has words for a feeling hanging around the back of his mind since they woke up the second time this morning. 

“Why? What’s wrong, Blaine Blaine?” He tries to say in the calmest voice he can muster. _Trust the Connection. Stay calm for Blaine. Oh geez, when that voice comes into my head, I know something big is coming._

“This is our last date, Kurt. I didn’t think I would be sad, but somehow I am. We’ve been living in this perfect bubble, and I don’t want it to pop. And yet I can’t wait to know we did what we set out to do. We accomplished something amazing and beautiful. Somehow I feel a little scared, too. I don’t know why?”

“Me too, Blaine. But this is where we get to take each other’s hands and never let go ever again. Right? You still feel good about us?”

“Yes, Kurt, of course, I do. And yeah, we have this beautiful thing, Kurt, and I feel like we did everything right. Maybe some of the ‘too big, too soon’ things are just looming over us? We were kind of tucked safely on this side of the line, but once we step over that line, we’re going to have to decide things for real.”

“I think you’re right about that. We have some huge life-changing decisions to make that we’ve been playfully flippant about because we had the safety of our ‘contract’ for lack of a better word.”

Blaine sits up and pulls Kurt into his lap, hugging him tightly. “You are the best thing that has ever happened to me, Kurt Hummel. We’ll face this together just like we’ll face everything together from now on, right? I chose you. I’ll always choose you.”

“Together, baby. I choose you, too. I love you so much, Blaine Devon Anderson.” 

“Love you too, Kurt. With all my heart.” He gives Kurt a tender sweet kiss, much like the very first one they shared in the elevator for the first time a week ago today. 

When their lips part, Kurt whispers against them, “Blaine, will you go on date number fifteen with me and have Milestone Conversation No. 5 so that we can start the beginning of forever together?”

“It will be the greatest privilege of my life, Kurt.” 

Together they get up from the bed just in time to meet the delivery of their food at the front door. There are tears during lunch when Blaine tries to explain his answer to a “Would You Rather” question, and Kurt can’t stop laughing, which sets Blaine off, and it feels so good to laugh so hard. There is something healing in it.

In a theatrical voice, Kurt reads the next one, “Would you rather be a character in an action-packed thriller or a romantic comedy?” Of course, Blaine picks an action-packed superhero movie, and Kurt picks the comedy. They both roll their eyes; that one was too easy.

Before lunch is over, they’ve covered quite a few. Would you rather go deep-sea diving or skydiving? Would you rather be able to control water or fire? Would you rather have a magic wand or a cloak that makes you invisible? Would you rather be able to read your partner’s mind or have a partner who can read your mind? Would you rather eat tacos or pizza? Would you rather get up early or stay up late? Would you rather be able to jump incredibly high or run incredibly fast? Would you rather hang with a few friends or go to a big party?

Once lunch is all cleared up, and they put the groceries away that were just delivered—perfect timing. Kurt drags Blaine over to the piano with a big smile on his face. 

“Okay, so I admit I have a huge advantage because even though I’ve been trying not to think about this, I have. But I’m pretty sure that under pressure, I’m going to forget everything anyway. But, this is the idea. We’re going to pull a word off this list I made, and we have to come up with a title or a line from songs that have that word in it until someone can’t think of one, then that round is over. You only get ten seconds to think of a song. And we don’t have to play it on the piano, but hearing you play makes me happy, so if you want to indulge your boyfriend go right ahead!” 

Blaine laughs then kisses him on the cheek. “I always want to indulge my boyfriend. And this sounds like fun, Mr. Creative Genius.” 

“Okay, so pick a number between one and five.”

“Five!” Blaine says enthusiastically. 

Kurt dramatically looks at the list, “Oooh, good choice. This one can go on all day. It’s LOVE! So are you ready?”

Blaine is already playing the notes of the famous Beatles song. _  
_ _Nothing you can make that can't be made  
_ _(Love) No one you can save that can't be saved  
_ _(Love) Nothing you can do, but you can learn  
_ _How to be you in time  
_ _It's easy (Love)_

 _All you need is love  
_ _All you need is love  
_ _All you need is love, love  
_ _Love is all you need_

“I changed my mind. I just want you to sing to me for the next hour,” Kurt laments when Blaine abruptly stops so Kurt can have his turn. 

“Nuh-uh! You’re stalling, go, mister!” Blaine teases.

“Fine!” Kurt is now playing too. Blaine cheerfully claps when he recognizes the Disney song.

 _And can you feel the love tonight? (Tonight)  
_ _It is where we are  
_ _It's enough for this wide-eyed wanderer  
_ _That we've got this far  
_ _And can you feel the love tonight? (Tonight)  
_ _How it's laid to rest?  
_ _It's enough to make kings and vagabonds  
_ _Believe the very best  
_ _It's enough to make kings and vagabonds  
_ _Believe the very best_

As Kurt stops Blaine immediately starts playing again, giving Kurt the cheesiest grin he's maybe ever seen. Kurt doesn’t recognize it for a minute.

 _How deep is your love, how deep is your love  
_ _How deep is your love?  
_ _I really mean to learn  
_ _'Cause we're living in a world of fools  
_ _Breaking us down when they all should let us be  
_ _We belong to you and me_

“Oh my gosh, you just played me a Bee Gees song and from Saturday Night Fever? I better up my game!”

“Woo me, baby!” Blaine teases. Kurt delivers by playing a haunting rendition of an Adele song. 

_When the evening shadows  
_ _And the stars appear  
_ _And there is no one there  
_ _To dry your tears  
_ _I could hold you  
_ _For a million years  
_ _To make you feel my love  
_ _I know you  
_ _Haven't made  
_ _Your mind up yet  
_ _But I would never  
_ _Do you wrong  
_ _I've known it  
_ _From the moment  
_ _That we met  
_ _No doubt in my mind  
_ _Where you belong_

Kurt realizes that Blaine has teared up when he’s done singing. “Baby? You okay?”

Blaine shakes his head to clear it and says, “Yeah, yeah, of course. My turn!” He’ll tell Kurt _someday_ he worked on that song with Adele and her team.

Blaine starts playing the next song, and Kurt inhales deep. 

_Wise men say  
_ _Only fools rush in  
_ _But I can't help falling in love with you  
_ _Shall I stay?  
_ _Would it be a sin  
_ _If I can't help falling in love with you?  
_ _Like a river flows  
_ _Surely to the sea  
_ _Darling, so it goes  
_ _Some things are meant to be  
_ _Take my hand  
_ _Take my whole life too  
_ _For I can't help falling in love with you_

As it turns out, they only needed one word for their game. For the next hour and a half, they serenade each other with snippets of songs. Never running out of ideas, the music flowing between them effortlessly. Some of the songs make them laugh. Some of them choke them up with emotion. Some of them take their breath away. But with every word and in every moment, they fall deeper in love with each other.

Kurt rests his head on Blaine’s shoulder, “Can we sing one more, Blaine, together? Will you play? [Come What](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8O3f6-HYxqs)—” Blaine is already playing it. 

_Never knew I could feel like this  
_ _Like I've never seen the sky before  
_ _Want to vanish inside your kiss  
_ _Seasons may change, winter to spring_  
 _But I love you, until the end of time_  
[...]

They finish singing the entire song together. When it’s over, they wrap themselves as tight as they can around each other and stay silent for a long time.

“Thank you, Kurt, for the best date of my life. I love you so much.”

“I love you, too, Blaine. It’s time. Are you ready?”

“Yeah, I am,” he kisses Kurt and then gets off the bench offering his hand to him, guiding him over to their special talking spot. They fall into it with ease now, Blaine sitting slightly turned towards Kurt, Kurt laying with his head against the armrest, his legs draped over Blaine’s lap and their journal, which stays on the coffee table pretty much all the time now. 

Blaine starts, “First, I want to declare this a safe space for both of us. We should both be as open and honest as we can about these questions about marriage and family. And we may cover things we’ve discussed before, but I think it’s important we circle back to them in this conversation. I’ve learned by your example,” he squeezes Kurt’s leg, “and I found a list of questions about this topic online. I thought we could at least use them as a jumping-off point, alright?”

“Perfect, Blaine Blaine. I feel safe with you, and I’ll be honest and as open as I can with you.”

“Thank you. Okay, let Milestone Conversation No. 5 begin. First question ‘Do you believe in marriage? Why or why not?’”

“Yes, I do, very much. I grew up watching the love and care that my mom and dad shared for each other and also my grandma and grandpa. Later, when my dad married Carole, I could see a huge difference in his life and the way he lights up around her. Plus, I think growing up wondering if I would ever be allowed to be married instilled the sacredness of it to me. And no, I don’t want to get married just because we can now. But because it’s a sacred privilege for us to be able to. I take that quite seriously.”

“That’s beautiful, Kurt. And I can say, me too. My parents have been a good example to me as well, and while we have our issues, especially me and dad. Their marriage was always a comforting constant in my life. And I love that they were quick to apologize when they fought. I feel like I had a realistic view of what marriage could be—perfectly imperfect. Kurt, I need to ask something here. Does it—does it bother you that I was engaged before? Please be honest with me about this, Kurt. I need you to be.”

“Blaine, I—this is a hard question for me to answer. Does it bother me? Not really. I mean maybe a little tiny sliver, but not for the reasons you think. I know you aren’t the person you were then. I'm so proud of the way you’ve taken care of yourself, learned to stand up for yourself, and gone to counseling. Selfishly, there is a part of me that wishes this was a first for you, that this experience was shared only with me. But I also know with all of my heart that would actually be worse. You found who you were through the experiences you’ve had. So if you hadn’t had them, you wouldn’t be the _you_ I’m so in love with. So no, it doesn't bother me, and I’m okay. I just want to make sure that you don’t feel any pressure from me about it ever, like ever, ever, ever.”

“I don’t, Kurt. I don't feel like that at all. And if it did bother you, that would be okay too. This is such a huge step in life. If I were you, I might be a little wary of going into with someone who never followed through with a prior engagement.” 

“Maybe in different circumstances, that might be true. I don’t know, Blaine. But thank heavens you found out before you did go through with it. In a way, it makes me feel even safer. You knew something wasn't right and were starting to find your way out of it, even before the public pictures. Thank you for checking in with me about this, but I think I’m okay. Maybe as we sit here, something will percolate up to the top, and I’ll let you know. I really do think I’m okay.” 

“Okay second question ‘What is the worst thing about marriage?’”

Kurt takes a deep breath, “Oh geez, I don’t know if I like this question. Can I say my biggest fear about marriage, maybe? Complacency. I don’t ever want to get to a point where I forget how special this is. How much you mean to me or stop trying to be the best version of myself for you and me. I don’t want that.”

“Oh, that's a good one. I think for me... I don’t know. I guess I’m not too fond of this question either. Mine would be similar to yours. I don't want to ever fall out of love or stop caring about us. But I think we’ve talked about so many ways we aren’t going to let that happen. Sunday night waffles and conversations, weekly date nights. Right?”

“Right. And as time goes by, we have to make sure we’re committed to those things. They’re not negotiable, but we also don’t want to grow to resent them either. So communication, always. Blaine, we can’t ever stop communicating with each other.”

“What would you think about coming up with a family mantra, or I don't know what you would call it, like a mission statement? For now, it could just be for us, but in the future, it would be part of how we want to raise our kids.”

“I think that sounds amazing, but do you have an example so I can understand better?”

“Well, off the top of my head, something like ‘We choose each other every day. Our loyalty lies with the people within these walls. We communicate honestly. We create safe spaces for each other. We love fearlessly and forever.’”

“Off the top of your head, huh? That was beautiful, Blaine, and I love that idea so much. Should we write all of that in the journal and then work on it later when we start working on our household things?” Kurt is already grabbing the journal and starts writing. He asks Blaine to repeat it so he can get it all in the journal.

“Alright, next questions ‘How do you think life will change if we got married?’” 

Kurt lets out a half-hysterical laugh. “Ummm, everything? But nothing about the last two weeks, or at least the last few days I’ve been here. We’ve been happy, right?”

“Of course we have. We worked through Thursday night, too, and came out the other side better off for it. I wish there weren’t going to be, but I’m sure there are more nights like that in the future. But I have faith in us. And yeah, I’m not sure how much the actual marriage will change things, neither of us have experienced that, but our relationship, in general, is changing everything. 

"I think the biggest thing we’ll have coming up is making sure we have personal space and still see our friends. We shouldn’t be so caught up in each other that we neglect ourselves or other relationships. I need to get back to my regular boxing schedule. I need that regularly in my life, and I know you haven’t been doing your yoga. I’m not worried about it right this minute because we’ve been building an 'us' right now, and I think that’s okay. But in the long run, we’re going to have to make sure we are taking care of ourselves and our friends too.“

“You bring up a good point. I miss my yoga, and it’s seriously one of my greatest regrets in life that I haven’t seen you boxing yet Blaine,” Kurt blushes fiercely, even if his voice portrays his teasing. “But two things. One, I didn’t go out with my friends a lot before. Seven years of school has been kicking my ass, but I keep in touch with them, and we do go to dinner every so often. I don’t want you to feel like you are keeping me from them. Once I graduate it’s one of the things I’m looking most forward to actually, hanging out with people! And two, what would you think of working on a new, umm, contract—uhh for lack of a better word? We should make a list of things that are important to both of us so that we can support each other in those things.”

“You mean like boxing and yoga?” Blaine asks.

“Yeah, and alone time and friend time. Also, I need time to work on my sketches and play in my idea books or I go crazy, Blaine. And I’m guessing you need time for your music? I think it would be great to have a list of things for each other so that if one or the other of us is feeling 'off,' we can help. 

"You know, for example, being able to say, ‘Honey, do you want to go play the piano while I finish dinner?’ Or you can tell me, ‘Baby, you seem like today was stressful. Do you want to do some yoga?’ Is that dumb and sound contrived? I would love to know how to help you and what you need when you aren't having the best day. I don’t want you to lose yourself in our relationship, just like I sure as hell don’t want to lose who I am.”

“I think it’s brilliant. Let’s work on it now for a few minutes. We can always keep adding to it as we move forward,” Blaine takes a turn writing in the journal as they brainstorm ideas.

Blaine

  * Boxing
  * Songwriting/Notebooks
  * Playing the Piano or Guitar
  * Plant shopping/Greenhouses/Farms
  * Record Hunting



Kurt

  * Yoga
  * Alone Time/Meditation & Journal Writing 
  * Sketches/Designing
  * Clothes Hunting
  * Farmer’s Market-Healthy Foods



They even come up with a list of things that are important to them to be able to do together when maybe things are stressful in the future, not wanting to forget what is important to them. 

  * Time at the Piano, Singing
  * Sunday Flea Market
  * Going for a walk in the park, (after we go public)
  * Cooking
  * Date Nights
  * Sunday Waffle Dinner
  * Morning Kisses
  * Sex
  * Time spent cuddling, with no other expectations



“Okay, so obviously we can keep working on this, but I love this for now. Maybe we should have this hanging up on the fridge or our bathroom mirror or something,” Blaine says.

“I agree. I’d like that. Okay, so what’s the next question?”

“Where do you see this relationship headed in the next year? What about the next five years?” Blaine asks. 

“In the next year, married with a perfectly imperfect relationship that we work like hell on, so in love we make people roll their eyes when we walk into a room. In five years? Still married, still fabulous and towing along the cutest kid anyone has ever seen,” Kurt laughs. “How was that for a lightning-fast answer?”

Blaine is just staring at him.

“What?” Kurt starts blushing under Blaine’s codfish face. 

“I—Love. I just—love you so much, Kurt. I don’t know how it happened so fast, but I love you.” 

“I love you too, Honey Bee. But, are you stalling? Did I scare you with my answer? We can want different things. That is why we are talking about this, baby. Safe space, tell me?”

“No, no, no, Kurt, no, that is the whole point. I loved your answer. I—we, should we, oh my gosh, suddenly I’m all nervous. What the hell? Should we talk about kids now, for real?”

“Why are you nervous, honey? We can talk about them now if you’re ready?”

“Just, Kurt, do you want to adopt kids or have your own?”

“Does that mean you don’t want your own, Blaine? Is that what you are telling me? Why did you say ‘your’ as in just mine?”

“I don’t know—would we, would you want—” Blaine is all choked up, and he can’t understand why.

Kurt sits up and crawls into his lap, straddling him, hugging him tightly. “Would I want to have a baby where you were the father? Is that what you are trying to get at, bee?”

“Maybe? Yeah. I just never... I thought it was too late for me. All of a sudden, I’m just really emotional that there could even be a chance, and it’s okay if we decide something else. I’m just—Kurt,” Blaine nuzzles into Kurt’s neck and starts crying. Kurt holds him and traces shapes into his neck with his fingertips for a few minutes.

“Blaine, I’ll tell you my first thought when you asked me that, and then we can go from there, alright? This topic is huge, and I’m sure couples all over the world talk about this for months or years. It’s okay if we don’t know how we feel or what we want right now. I’m willing to share honestly with you, though, alright?” 

Blaine nods affirmatively against his neck, taking a few deep breaths to calm himself down.

“My dream would be to have a surrogate mother, and I don't know if it’s possible—but can we just you know—walk into the clinic room together and have, umm, a solo party together? Or better yet, we’ll look at each other with ridiculous sultry faces before we burst out laughing and say ‘I’ll do yours—if you do mine,’” he lets out a nervous, bright laugh. “And then we’ll hand the single-cup through the little window, and hopefully in nine months or so, we’ll find out who has better swimmers!” They both burst out laughing.

“I mean, I know that isn’t exactly how that works, but you get my point. Then in the future, we could make sure there’s at least one mini-me of each of us running around here? But I’d like to have three kids, and if a surrogate doesn’t work out for us, we could adopt from here or anywhere in the world. And someday, after our kids are older, we’ll have the ranch Blaine, there are so many kids we could help, I want to help all the kids.”

“Oh my hell, I’m so overwhelmed right now—in a good way. I’m terrified that I am going to become baby obsessed, Kurt. A little _you_ running around here? I think I might die. Oh my gosh, let’s go make a hundred babies right now.” 

“Okay, honey, I’m 100% sure that isn’t how it works.” 

“Shhhhh, dammit, let me have my dreams, Kurt!” they both laugh, and Blaine takes a renewed interest in kissing his feelings out all over Kurt’s neck and jaw.

“Okay, but, honey, stop, honey. Your preaching to the choir here. I’d love to give into you right now, but we have to make it through this conversation so we can get married for real.” 

Blaine chuckles against Kurt’s neck. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I really am scared of what you just did to me. I don’t think the world can handle ‘Baby Hungry Blaine.’ I honestly put this dream aside for so long. I know we talked about it earlier this week. I know how much you want a family, and I can see it, Kurt. It feels so good inside me to have this hope again is wonderful. If we can, I would love to have a surrogate, too, and if we can’t, we’ll know we tried, and we’ll go the adoption route. There are so many kids who need loving homes,” Blaine kisses Kurt’s neck a few times, thinking about how he wants to word the next thing he needs to say.

“As for having three kids? I haven’t thought about it, but as long as we’re happy and doing okay and still have time for our marriage, I’m okay with as many kids as you want, Kurt. But, Kurt, nothing in our life will ever be more important to me than our marriage, nothing. And if we want kids, the greatest thing we could ever do for them is teaching them what love looks like—and that their parents put their marriage above all else. Kids will live with us for such a short time, and we will be the best parents we can be, but you and I are forever. It’s you and me. They will grow up and find love of their own. I can’t give you up or grow apart from you over them. Damn, does that sound selfish? I don't care. You are my forever, Kurt. You have to come first, and I want to come first in your life. What are your thoughts about that?”

“Guess what? You know how I’m a tiny bit obsessed with self-help and fought like hell to heal myself over the years?” 

Kurt kisses his forehead as Blaine nods that he does know that about Kurt. 

“Well, one of the things I used to read all the time was about healthy family dynamics, and do you know what all the experts out there say? That your spouse should always come first, so see? You are brilliant! I also want you to know that I am so damn proud of you right now for once again standing up for yourself, what you need, and what is important to you. It makes me feel so safe with you. ” 

“Used to read?” Blaine smiles up at Kurt, raising an eyebrow in question.

“Shhh! Okay—so, still read. I might keep on my trashy reality TV, what’s happening on Broadway show blogs, but I make time for reading about important things too. _You_ , making _this_ work, and having a family,—there is nothing more important to me than that.”

“How many more times can I say this tonight, but I love you so much, Kurt. You amaze me. You’re the only twenty-four-year-old out there reading about how to be the best dad and husband on their lunch break while simultaneously getting his second bachelor’s degree. And freaking hell, I love that about you, honey.” 

Kurt sighs and snuggles deeper into Blaine’s embrace. “It’s disturbingly weird, really. But I wouldn’t have made it this far if I hadn’t taken responsibility for my own healing when it was quite literally my only choice.”

“Honey, I know. I know. I promise you I’m not making light of this. You truly are an amazing human, okay? Just take the compliment and never change, alright?”

“You’re pretty incredibly yourself, bee. Now, what’s the next question?”

Blaine picks up his phone to look at the list again, while Kurt goes back to his original position. “Would you be willing to go to marriage counseling if we were having marital problems? Oh! We don’t have to answer this one because you are that amazing human who volunteered already. Kurt, that means the world to me.”

“It means everything to me too, Blaine. I know I said this Friday, but I want to give us our best chance. Okay, so next one?”

Blaine looks at the next question and fidgets, “What are your religious views?”

“Oh, boy,” Kurt sighs, and his body tenses. “This is—umm. I don’t know. I’m struggling with that. We touched on this yesterday. I don’t believe in a god. But feeling like I knew you before, wanting to believe somehow that I could be connected in some way to my mom again... it’s nice to think about. I’m just not sure I really believe in the conventional sense. I believe in yoga, meditation, doing good deeds. In high school, I declared myself an atheist. But as I’ve had more life experiences, it doesn't quite fit right. It’s too extreme. So I don't know what I am or what I believe. I’m still on that journey for myself. What about you, honey?” Kurt looks at Blaine with sincere curiosity burning in his eyes. He so desperately wants to believe in something.

“I think I’m agnostic? I don’t believe in anything as strictly a one god type of thing, but I don’t feel alone either. I feel like I’ve been able to call on an outside source. Through my healing during the last few years, I’ve felt closer to it. Since we’ve been together, I’ve become very aware of how much I pray silently in my heart. I had been alone for two years, so I don’t think I noticed it as much.

“Then you came along, and for example, when you were going home alone to Bushwick, I would plead with anyone listening to keep you safe. So I don’t know, Kurt, I can’t discount it completely. I’m not an atheist. I do believe there is some sort of cosmic intelligence. It brings me a great deal of comfort to think that way. And we both know what happened on Thursday. That prayer, Kurt, was from the depths of my soul, and it was answered—through you, but it was answered. So it gives me hope that there is some rhyme or reason to all of this. I don't expect you to believe as I do, but someday when we have kids, I’d like to be able to share what I believe from my point of view with your support, would you be opposed to that?”

“No! Blaine, no. Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me. I need more time before I can decide for myself what I believe. I’m sure it will change even more as the years come. But sweetheart, you are amazing, and if you believe that, then, of course, I want you to be able to share it with the kids. And I don’t have any immediate repulsion to anything you said. I don't feel like it exactly resonates either. Is that fair?”

“Of course, it is, Kurt, and we’ll allow our kids to believe how they want to as well. I want them to feel like that is a journey they can take for themselves.”

“Me too, Blaine. Is it okay if I take a deep breath here? That filled me with trepidation, but we got through that okay, right?” Kurt breathes in for four seconds and then exhales out for four.

“We did, honey, and we can talk about this anytime you want in the future. I am open to it, and if you need someone, I’m here for you, alright?” 

Kurt nods. They sit in silence for a few minutes.

“Thank you, my Honey Bee. Alright, the next one, I’m ready.”

Before Blaine reads the question, he leans over and takes Kurt’s hand, kissing the back of it and each of his knuckles, then traces a heart on it making Kurt giggle, which is what he hoped would happen. “Would you rather discuss issues as they arise or wait until you have a few problems?”

“Umm. I mean, my first gut reaction is as they arise, like _immediately_. But in some ways, that isn’t great either because sometimes something is just annoying, and if you walk away for a little bit, you get some perspective. No one wants to feel like they are being picked on constantly. So I’m going to say within three days maximum. I would be devastated if I found out you had let something fester. I mean, what if it’s something easily explainable or fixable. So yeah, within days of a problem, no matter how big or small.”

“I agree, honey. It’s important to me that we’re communicating about any problems as quickly as possible. I don't want to live in a relationship where we’re scared to talk, or we let things brew. And we’ve already established our safe space. We’re working on that. So yeah, we just can’t let things build up. I also get that it’s easier said than done, but this is us communicating about it.” 

“Yeah, we have to keep doing this, and I think we will. Alright, next question, but you have to answer this one first. I’ve answered them all first so far. I want to hear what you have to say first sometimes, is that okay?”

“Sure! Okay, the next question is, ‘What would you do if someone said something bad about me?’ Oh, nuh-uh, no way someone will talk bad about you in front of me. I have no room in my life for gossip. So I would stand up for you, and I’d expect you to stand up for me, or at the very least, we remove ourselves from the situation if it isn’t emotionally or physically safe for us to stand up for each other. 

"But, Kurt, this brings up something fundamental to me. I want you to know that I will _never_ gossip about you or air our dirty laundry to my family or groups of friends. If I need to talk to someone about you, or if I’m frustrated or need perspective, that is why I have a therapist—and on rare occasions, a close friend. But, I will never, ever demean you in public or to my family. One of my biggest pet peeves in life is partners who talk smack about their significant others in public or at parties like they somehow think it’s funny? It makes me nauseous. When I say I choose you, I mean it, Kurt. That means in public and in the way I talk about you to others.” 

“Oh baby, them's fightin' words, and they are turning me on. I’ve never met anyone as loyal as you are, Blaine. I can agree to that. I don’t know that I would have thought about it that intensely, but I honestly have lived in a cave for the last seven years. Even at lunch at school, I’m absorbed in my schoolwork. Thank you for being an excellent example of what it will mean to go out there and be who we are. 

"Once again, you make me feel safe. On a more personal level, my dad was also a good example of that to me. He rarely openly criticized or belittled people. I want to be like that. I know I’m snarky, and I make fashion comments all the time, and to be honest, I might want to tame that down. Not sure I can let all horrendous fashion choices pass me by, but I don’t want to be a person that makes fun of other people—in my heart, I really don’t. Thank you, Blaine, I’ll work on that in all areas of my life. But where you are concerned, I want you to feel as safe as you make me. I promise you I will keep you safe in my speech.” 

“Thank you, Sunshine. I know you’re close to your dad so there may be times you feel like you need to talk to him, but I want you to think about it from my perspective for a second, alright? His loyalty lies with you, as it absolutely should. And if we get in a fight, let’s say worst case scenario we get in a horrible enough one where you decide to go home for a few weeks to get some space from me. Oh damn, I feel like I’m going to throw up just thinking about it, but let’s keep going here. 

"If you spill all of our problems to him, he’s going to have a tough time being objective about it, as he should. I don't expect you to sugarcoat anything, and you have every right to tell your family whatever you need to. But even if you forgive me later and we work through our problems, those memories will stay with them as well. I want you to know why I won’t ever go to my parents or brother with any of our problems. For me, I want them to always know the _you_ that you are around them. Who you are when you go out into the world as your fabulous self. You are not your flaws, and you are not our problems at home. You are the incredible human I fell in love with. What we deal with in private is private to me where my family and most friends are concerned. So thank you for letting me express that to you, but I trust you, and I never want you to feel like I’m asking you to keep things from your family, but I want you to know where I’m coming from.”

“I am so close to my dad, Blaine, but I get what you are saying. I will think about this because I understand where you are coming from. I honestly don’t think I would tell him specific things or incidents, but you’ve given me a lot to think about. And in the future, when it’s imperative because of some situation, maybe I’ll look back at this conversation, and it will make a difference in how I handle it. So thank you for explaining your thoughts. But honey, I also want you to know that once this is official tonight or in three weeks, whenever we decide. Once I’m living here permanently with the promise of an engagement, my loyalty will lie with you, sweetheart. You will become my immediate family, and I take that very seriously.” 

“Thank you for listening to me, Kurt. I trust you, and I admire you and your dad’s relationship. I never want to come between that. I just don’t want it to come between us, either. I don’t think it will, but I just had to let that out there, I guess. I don't think I realized that was a small concern in the back of my mind, but it came out, so here we are.” 

“Blaine, honey, thank you for being honest. It’s a legitimate concern and I will do my best. I promise you, I will. I’ve always worried that my future spouse would have issues with ‘apron strings’ with his mother, so I do see where you are coming with my dad and me.” 

Blaine smirks at Kurt and squeezes his leg playfully, “ _Mmmm_ , well, I’ll save you there. My family isn’t perfect by any means, but ‘apron strings’ with my momma isn’t an issue as much as I love her. Are we ready for the next question—you feeling okay? You want me to go first again?”

“Yup! And Yup!”

“What are your expectations regarding extended families, such as visits and holidays?” Blaine groans and throws his head on the back of the couch. Kurt laughs at his reaction but realizes how serious this is for Blaine.

“Is it that bad, bee?”

“No, it really isn't. I’m overly dramatic. Maybe I’ll feel different now that I have you in my life. It’s been hard to see Cooper and his wife and the girls so happy, and my parents are happy, too. And I don’t know—I just always feel left out and with the added sexuality issues on top of it, ugh. I’ve been super elusive, and that isn’t fair to them either. But it’s not bad, Kurt. It’s just a lot of indifferentness. 

"I’ve said it before, I think mom is going to love you. And I love my nieces so much I think they might love you more than me in the long run. I would be okay with that, they will have you wrapped around their little fingers dressing them up, and someday you can design their prom dresses and wedding dresses and—yeah. Now that I have a family of my own, maybe it will be easier to be part of my family? No pressure on you or anything!” Blaine starts laughing. “Wow. Did you hear what I just said—I, wow—we will be a family, won’t we, Kurt? Tiny and perfectly imperfect. I’m so happy right now I can’t even begin to absorb it.”

“We _will_ be a family, Blaine, and I can’t wait to meet yours. I’m sure it won’t be without difficulty as they learn to accept me. But I am excited to meet them, I really am. So what are your expectations, and how important are holidays to your family?”

“My family would love to see us as much as we will allow, but I don't feel compelled to go to everything, so we are flexible. I don't know your expectations, but maybe we can do one major holiday at each family's house. But I also want to have our own holiday times, too. Our tiny family of two is just as important to me as spending time with our extended families. There are always other holidays that we could start new traditions around with our families—like the Fourth of July or even some random weekend in April, you know? Oh, what if we started renting some cabins or a huge beach house every summer for both of our families to come together. Then do Christmas or Thanksgiving at one of our extended families and spend the other one staying home. I want us and our kids to be around extended family, but I also want time for us to enjoy traditions, too. I don’t know. I’m rambling here.” 

“I love your rambling. I love spending Christmas with my family so much, but I think it’s because I’ve been working so hard at school, and it’s _when_ I get to spend time with them, but that will be changing. I’m open to anything, too. And I love-love-love the idea of renting a beach house or something and inviting both of our families if they get along. I think that would be an incredible thing.

“As for me with expectations, I would love for my parents to come at least twice a year so I can take them to a show or take them shopping, spoil Carole a little bit, and go see them once a year, or whatever works, honey. We can work this out. I think we’re on the same page here. I agree with you that it will be essential to build up our own holiday traditions, too.”

Blaine chimes in, “Cooper and the girls come every other Christmas, so maybe we could get on the same schedule with them so that we can have my whole family together, and then the other year we could go to your family’s house? That is a lot of time in Ohio in the winter, maybe not!” They both giggle.

“Well, my graduation is in December and my family is coming here then. Maybe we could have Christmas early with them, and then we can have our first Christmas here together? Or is it Cooper’s year?”

“No, actually, this is the off-year. So whew, yeah, we can work it out. I do want you to meet my parents, though. I think they should meet you before I spring the engagement on them.” Now Kurt is the one that groans and throws his head back.

“How bad is the backlash going to be from your family, Blaine?”

“I have no idea. They saw what I went through, so either they’ll trust that I’ve healed, I know what is best for me, and that I really did meet my soulmate. Or they are going to try and stage an intervention,” Blaine tries to laugh, but it comes out in a strangled sound that doesn't comfort either one of them at all. 

“Blaine. I—keep, my head hurts from spinning about this. On the one hand, I want to tell everyone they can take a flying leap, and it’s our life. Then, on the other hand, I get it. If it were one of my friends or my brother, I’d be freaking the hell out on their behalf and wondering what kind of voodoo spell this so-called ‘soulmate’ has over them to make such a horrible life decision. But damn it, I know what I want.”

“Amen. I get it, Kurt. We keep coming back to this, don’t we?”

“Yeah, I’m sorry, it’s ridiculous. We don't need to be engaged tomorrow. Why is it bothering me so much? I need to get over it. I think it’s because it's unsettled, and I don’t do good with that. As I said the other night, once I decide, I’m in a hundred percent. And part of it is I swore I would never move in with anyone unless I was engaged, and yet, moving in with you is one of the things I think I feel most at peace about. I can’t go back to Bushwick, Blaine. It will feel like a cage of the worst kind.”

“So it’s the fact that it’s just kind of hanging out there that is upsetting you?” Blaine is rubbing circles around Kurt’s knee absentmindedly while he thinks.

Kurt nods yes and covers his eyes with his arms. He can’t figure out what the hell his deal is about why it’s so important to him. It’s not from desperation or fear. He doesn’t think Blaine is going anywhere, so why does it matter?

“Okay, baby, what if we do this? We have it in the journal as a ‘too big, too soon’ thing waiting for us to talk about it, so why don't we at least outline it and see if that will help both of us feel grounded. You aren’t the only one feeling this way, Kurt.” Blaine grabs the journal and writes “Steps to Engagement” on a new blank page. “Okay, so talk to me, honey, let’s brainstorm this out together.” 

They discuss it and Blaine quickly jots their thoughts down in the journal.

Steps To Engagement (In no particular order)

  * Set up our household, including responsibilities 
  * Kurt graduated
  * Meet Kurt’s family [At Graduation]
  * Meet Blaine’s family [When?]
  * Prenuptials signed [Blaine/lawyer will work on ASAP]
  * Public Relations Dept. Plan Courage Studio Productions
  * Full Background check Kurt [Kurt insists!]
  * Rings [We both want rings]
  * Blaine will ask
  * Make the decision based on our readiness, try to let go of social stigmas
  * No longer than a four-six month engagement 
  * Stay consistent with weekly official dates (at the minimum)
  * Talk each other out of eloping every time it comes up ;)



Blaine is still laughing at the last one. “Thank you for making me write it down, Kurt, because in two weeks from now, when I just want to drag you down to City Hall, you can show me this list again.” 

“Me too, Blaine! But I do think our families would be disappointed, and the girls at work would never forgive you.”

“You’re right, of course, you’re right. Okay, do you feel better?”

“I think so, honey, thank you.”

“Kurt, baby, look at me for a minute?” Kurt looks up. He still looks unsettled. 

“I want you to know that it won’t be any more official when I officially ask you than it is right now. For me, this is real. We’re getting married. I have zero reservations about it. Except for the timing, there is nothing else here that is up in the air for me. I love you. I want to be with you. You are my fiancé in my heart. We are getting married. You are everything I’ve ever been searching for. It's not a dream, or too big, too soon. I want you to live here with me. I want this to be your home. I want us to build a life together. You are it for me, Kurt Hummel. And within our hearts and the walls of our home, _we_ know it. When everyone else finds out is simply a detail, it’s not what is important.” 

Blaine is astonished when he feels a warm burst of energy go through his heart, and the word _finally-finally-finally_ echoing through his whole soul. His heart belongs to Kurt now, forever. He feels an overwhelming sense of peace come over him. It spreads across his skin with a tingling warmth. Within seconds he’s got a lap full of Kurt, tears streaming down his face. 

“Finally and forever, did you feel that? Oh, Blaine, I love you so much.” 

“Love you, too, Kurt, with all my heart.” 

They fall into a kiss that feels like sunshine enveloping them. It’s fervent, invisible words pressed into each other’s lips. It’s a storybook ending set in reality. It's 'once upon a time' woven as unbreakable strings into their cellular structure. The knights in shining armor are triumphant in overcoming their fears. It’s their bond shared. It’s choosing at this moment that they are forever. It’s an acceptance that there will be hard times ahead, but they will face it together using this foundation they took the time to build. It shatters illusions of perfection and celebrates their journey forward. It’s perfectly imperfect, just like them. They are lost to it until the sun sets and the moon rises on the horizon.

\----~---------------------~---

A curly-hair man is making obscene noises, making Kurt blush. 

“The waffles are heavenly, Kurt! Oh my gosh!” He takes another bite. “Ohthepeanutbuttuerontthemtoo!”

“Honey! You can’t talk with your mouth full. That is just bad form, my good sir! Besides, I didn’t understand a word you just said.” Kurt’s heart is bursting with how much he loves this goofy boy. 

Blaine finishes swallowing with his best manners, “I said, ‘Oh the peanut butter on them, too!’ It’s so yummy! I’m a huge fan of your waffles, Sunshine.”

“I’m glad. It makes me happy that my mom can be part of our new family tradition.” 

“How are you feeling, really, Kurt? You okay?” Blaine walks over to where Kurt is finishing cooking the last batch of waffles and wraps his arms around his waist, hooking his chin on his shoulder. 

“I’m so happy, Blaine. We did it, right? We gave ourselves a chance and something beyond what we could have ever dreamed _happened_. I love you, you love me, we’re getting married, I live here now,” that thought takes Kurt’s breath away, and his chest rises as he tries to gasp for air.

“And tomorrow when we wake up, we keep living like we have been right? We keep talking, we keep dating, but the uncertainty is gone. I was worried it would feel like we were trying to “play house” together or something. But I don’t. It feels real and wonderful. How do you feel, honey?” Kurt reaches up and rubs Blaine’s arm and leans his temple into his hair.

“I feel stronger than I ever have. I feel really, truly happy. You brought the sunshine into my life, and I’m so proud of us. We did something incredible together, Kurt. These conversations were hard. I think we were both truly terrified at times, but we were brave, baby, and we did it. And we will continue to do it. Every day, we’re going to get out of bed and send each other into the world, trusting that we have each other’s backs. And we will slip up, and we will be scared. But I choose to trust and to love you through everything, fearlessly and forever, Kurt.”

Kurt turns in his arms and kisses him sweetly, pulling away to whisper, “Come what may.”

“Come what may,” Blaine repeats quietly, returning the kiss. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warnings for this Chapter:** Consensual sex that gets a little heated, Blow job, Hand jobs, grinding  
>   
>  **Authors Notes:** They made it through their dates and Milestone Conversations! Have I mentioned how much I love these two? This was the last of the "real-time" chapters. We'll start jumping time.  
>   
>  **For future readers that didn't get to read along in real-time:**
> 
>   * October 8th-"Bump Day" (the day they met)
>   * October 9th-Tangerine Terrace
>   * October 10th- The 1st of their 15 dates
>   * October 25th-Last of their 15 dates (they skipped October 21st for Kurt's show)
> 

> 
> \--------------------------------  
> You can find artwork (and aesthetics aka "mood boards") and other related posts to this chapter on my Tumblr page [GleefulPoppet](https://gleefulpoppet.tumblr.com/), I'll be adding things over the next month. And I try to add the artwork to the chapter each night as well.
> 
> [Click Here to See Larger on Tumblr  
>    
>  ](https://gleefulpoppet.tumblr.com/post/632984391691452416/chapter-21-ill-give-my-all-to-you-posted-this)  
> 


	22. All Your Perfect Imperfections

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Word Count: 8k+ [Warnings can be found in the notes if you need them]

The next few days go by in a blur. They are lost in their love for each other. Everything is still so new and raw and beautiful. Kurt is as busy as he has ever been with school. With just seven weeks left until he graduates, the projects are piling up no matter how organized or hard he works. Blaine is working with a renewed energy at his job as they create the new department and prepare for the new job posting. 

They do their best to support each other, brainstorm together, spend time at the kitchen table working on projects and trying to give each other the space they need to be responsible adults. But in all of the in-between moments, they gravitate towards each other—they can’t keep their hands off each other, and they love every minute of it. They also spend as much time as they always have—talking. The connection they have is such a massive part of Kurt’s love for Blaine that it comes easy. They find themselves curled up in their talking spot often. 

“It’s a little bit better, isn't it, now that we’ve decided?” Kurt mumbles into Blaine’s neck Thursday night.

“What is, Sunshine?” Blaine pulls him back so he can get lost in the galaxies that are Kurt’s glasz eyes.

“Oh sorry, abstract thoughts—the need to calibrate, I think is the word we used a lot the first few days? I feel like my heart is more settled, forged to yours now. It doesn’t feel painful to not be near you even though I still gravitate towards you. It doesn't hurt as bad when we aren’t together. Does that make any sense?”

“It absolutely—positively makes sense. I think we were both a little taken aback and alarmed at the pull between us. It seemed scary because of the intensity, only because it was so overwhelming. It would be sort of crazy to live with that need forever. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I _need_ you in every way, but as you said, it’s not so...demanding now. It’s more peaceful.” 

“ _Mmmmm_ , exactly. It just feels peaceful and happy like our hearts are curled up together like kittens purring instead of clawing out of our chests trying to jump into the other’s,” Kurt purrs and then giggles. 

“You are my favorite human in the whole world, ya know that?” Blaine laughs and decides he better not tell Kurt that he’s very much a kitten when he's cuddly. He doesn’t want to make him self-conscious because he never wants the sweet kisses, tiny licks, and purring to stop.

“You’re mine, too. Can we talk about tomorrow, though, bee? I’m so nervous.” 

“Baby, you’re going to be okay, but I do understand it’s a lot. What do you need to talk about? Is there something specific?”

“No, just, wow, our first joint counseling session and then publicity strategy meeting. It’s just, it’s, it’s well it’s—overwhelming on the one hand, but I’m also... umm, we’re taking very real steps to building our future, so that part of it makes me feel stronger. It’s weird to feel both?”

“I get that, honey. Dr. Everly will take good care of us. As long as we are honest with each other, she’s just there to help answer our questions. We’ll take our journal, too. We can show it to her—or if that makes you feel too vulnerable right now, we can just ask her a very specific question tomorrow.”

“She probably has questions of her own to get to know me, right? Like she’ll ask us some standard questions? We can take the journal and see how it goes. I trust you, and you trust her. I wish she could just do our couples counseling, but I’m worrying too far ahead. It will be okay. Maybe we should wait to do anything with the journal until we meet with our couples counselor on January 8th. I don’t think I’m ready to hand it over this week and be like, ’Ta-dah! Here are all our crazy plans.’ But on the other hand, maybe she’ll see we are trying hard to be healthy about all of this and be in our corner?”

“Honey, she will always be in our corner. And she will share her concerns or ask us questions to make sure we’re addressing our own concerns might be a better way to put that. But she is in our corner and our new counselor will be too, I promise.” 

“And what about the publicity department? Are they going to be in our corner?”

Blaine lets out a small laugh, “I hope so. If my publicity department can’t have my back, I don’t know who could? Honey, I want to help you. Is there something, in particular, you are worried about? You keep giving me generalities here. I’m trying to understand.”

“No, I’m fine. Well, I mean, I’m not fine. I’m a ‘fine and nervous’ combo pack. But baby, thank you. Once we do this tomorrow, it will be okay. I just need to get through it like I have everything else I’ve been scared of before. And look, here I am. It’s all good. Thanks for just letting me release some of my anxiety about it.”

“Whatever you need, honey, anything.” 

Kurt perks right up and raises up on his elbow on Blaine’s chest with mischievousness hiding behind his eyes and something naughty hiding behind his smile, “Anything?” 

Blaine licks his lips unconsciously and a smile a mile wide comes over his face as he tightens his fingers in Kurt’s hair, “ _Anything._ ” 

\----------

As it turns out, the first of their four joint therapy sessions was perfect. Even though these joint sessions were _technically_ for Blaine, Kurt felt heard and understood. He felt like his voice mattered with Dr. Everly. She was good at listening and even better at asking just the right questions to get to the heart of something quickly without shaming anyone.

It was refreshing to talk to an adult who cared what he thought. None of his high school teachers had ever been a good example of adults caring about him. Even his Glee Club teacher made him feel invisible or misunderstood most of the time. As he went to college, the teacher dynamic changed—you don’t spend that much time interacting with them. 

The only other adult he had ever related to was Isabelle Wright, his larger than life incredibly compassionate boss. He always marveled that she could be so caring and understanding towards him in such a cruel industry. But now he had another adult in his corner. And even though he knew technically he was an adult, he wasn’t sure he’d ever feel that way entirely until he graduated from school. It made him smile that he now had someone else on his side, his dad and Carole, Isabelle, Blaine, Dr. Everly, and he hoped their new counselor would be part of this list too. 

The publicity meeting, on the other hand, still had him a little jumpy. His background check was fully underway now, which of course, he knew would come back perfect. He had never so much as played bumper cars with shopping carts in the parking lot of the Lima Grocery Mart or any of the other crazy antics the glee kids got up to. They had done a few flash mob dances at the rundown mall, but they got permission first. The mall would take all the publicity it could get. If anything, he just needed to be ready for all his Glee Club performances to go viral, if anyone even cared about him at all.

He still struggled with that. It wasn’t even him anyone would care about. He would only be interesting because _Blaine_ found him interesting. That’s not something you can wrap your hand around easily. And don’t even get him started on sharing Blaine. He had accepted Blaine one hundred percent who he was and that they’d have to deal with it, but this part of it was still difficult. So, he created a shelf in the back of his mind and labeled a book “publicity issues” on it, wrote down all his thoughts, and put it back up on the shelf. He’ll try to deal with that a little bit at a time. It’s not that he was shutting it away permanently, but he also knew he couldn’t let the anxiety of “what if” take up too much space in his mind either.

Halloween came and went, and when Kurt thought about it always made him blush. They didn’t go out for obvious reasons, but the costume party they had with just the two of them was more than perfect. Who knew pumpkin carving while dressed up as ‘bad boys’ could be so—well yeah, he was blushing for a reason.

The days were coming at them fast as they find a new rhythm together. They tease each other that they are writing their theme song, finding the melody, trying to fit pieces together, figuring out what does, and most definitely doesn't work. They make date nights a priority, and they keep talking. Kurt had wondered if they really would keep up all the conversations or if they’d quickly fall into bad habits like sitting in front of the television and counting it as “them” time, but surprisingly the TV is very rarely on.

One of the things they figure out in a hurry is that Kurt needs his own space. He needs his alone time. After taking care of himself for so long, he needs that solitude. Whereas Blaine being alone for so long, craves Kurt’s company. But they work at it and are considerate to try to meet each other's needs.

In the meantime, Blaine has given up his office desk, insisting he never uses it, and they make plans to finish the third bedroom into Kurt’s studio. They spent their Sunday waffle dinner searching online for the perfect desk, chair and bookcases. Blaine hires someone to paint the room any color Kurt wants and schedules a pick up to donate the furniture that is currently in there. At first, Kurt was overly concerned about it, almost to the point of an anxiety attack. Not just the cost of it, but that Blaine was giving up some of his things. Blaine took him in his arms, holding him tightly.

“Baby, we talked about this. I want to do this for you. Please let me and don’t give me a hard time about it. What is the point of having any money if I can’t spend some of it on you? And before you say anything, I support a lot of good causes, you know I do. I try to make a difference with what I have, but I also want to make a difference in your life, too. So I’m asking you to please tell me what would make your studio perfect for you and let me do it? Please?”

“This is hard for me sometimes. I try to roll with it, but it’s, I’m not used to this. Being able to do something like this?”

“I know it is, Kurt. I know, honey. I want to be able to do this, and we both know you will be happier in the long run with a place to call your own here. So think of it as doing it for both of us, another step towards a healthy relationship—okay? Besides! Do you know how much money I paid to get three bedrooms soundproofed? Not that you’ve ever asked me to stop playing the piano, but when you are in your studio, I can plonk around and work on new music and never worry that my feeble first attempts at each song I write are keeping you from your work. It’s a win for both of us, alright?”

“ _Mmmhm_ , sure. The only thing I got out of that last part was that the rooms are soundproofed? Which means we can still have ‘us’ time when people stay with us. That might change my mind about how often our families can come.” They start cracking up. “Sorry, bee, but I wasn’t willing to give up our time! Soundproofing—the best word I’ve heard all day.”

“Oh, baby, never change. I love you. Now, will you please order the furniture you want? Let’s do this!”

Kurt blushes, but Blaine can see the excitement take over his body as he involuntarily shudders into one of his adorable shoulder shimmies, goes back to the laptop, fills up the cart, and starts talking about a delivery date. 

\---------------------------------

As fate would have it, even though they plan on working on the studio the very next weekend, all hell breaks loose, and they get in their first fight, or maybe nuclear meltdown is a more appropriate descriptor. Kurt’s schoolwork is imploding on him. And the problem with Blaine is that the snarkier Kurt got, the more adorable he thought he was. He was snipping at everything, talking to himself under his breath when he was sketching, throwing his head back in frustration, and about thirty other things that reminded Blaine of a little chihuahua. All loud bark and trying to bite, but you just wanted to pick him up, put a bedazzled collar on him, give him some Evian water, a gourmet treat, hold him in your lap, and rub his back until he fell asleep. Of course, Blaine knew how wrong this was, and he tried. He did try to do everything he could to help Kurt and make him feel better in more practical, less chihuahua like terms. 

So it was fitting that their first fight or meltdown was about Blaine being too “damn nice,” and is it a fight if it’s only one-sided? 

“Freaking hell, Blaine, stop being so damn nice to me! I’m being an asshole to you, and you know it!” Kurt finally screamed at him when he was walking from the office to the kitchen. Blaine had happened to be near the piano and simply asked if he could get him anything so he could keep working. 

“Just! Geez! Blaine, stand up for yourself and tell me I’m being a jerk! Scream at me or something! Just stop being so freaking nice! I’m sick of it! Fight with me for heaven’s sake! Just get in my face and tell me to go to hell already!” Kurt’s face was turning red, and his pulse point was throbbing noticeably on his neck.

Unfortunately for Blaine, his little rage was too adorable for words. He may have accidentally smiled and tilted his head to the side while trying to come up with some sort of proper reply, which was _clearly_ not the right move. The barking chihuahua is gone, and he finds how very much like a Doberman Pinscher Kurt can be when he has reached his breaking point. 

Kurt is behind Blaine in the blink of an eye, sliding his arms around Blaine’s elbows, pulling them back into his body, pressing himself as close as he can behind Blaine. He walks him forward until Blaine has his cheek pressed up against the glass of the huge window in the front room. He’s pressing into him with his whole body from behind. “What is our safeword?” he practically growls it out through his gritted teeth. 

The question shocks Blaine so much it makes his whole body shiver, his breath gets caught in his chest—he can barely whisper, “Red.” 

Kurt pulls his arms harder into his chest and starts lightly biting at Blaine’s ear. “I feel totally out of control right now. I want to drag you into our room and tie you to the bed and do things I’ve never even thought of before! I need to feel in control of something. I want to scream until my vocal cords give out. I need a fight, Blaine. I need something to burn this rage out of my blood.

“I’m overwhelmed and hanging on to the last shred of self-control I have right now. I have no idea how to fix this. I need you to take control of me. I’m trusting you to help me. I swear there is nothing you can do to me right now that will be too far, and I will safeword again if I have to but right now, RED! Blaine, RED!” Kurt is shaking violently. He starts sobbing and falls to his knees on the ground, facing the window, resting his forehead there, hoping the cold bite of the freezing glass will somehow calm him down. 

Inside he’s howling and screaming, and everything is burning, swimming in anger and frustration. It’s an overwhelming black abyss. He feels like he can’t hang on anymore. _Help me, Blaine!_ His mind screams over and over. How did his stress get so out of control it’s brought him to this?

Blaine’s not smiling anymore, and this is far from adorable. He’s terrified for Kurt. He knows how hard it is for Kurt to ask for help and then to ask for help in this extreme way—this is really bad. In a split second, he slams the door shut on his fear, turns off his mind, and tries to listen to his instincts, praying they are right. 

He bends over and grabs Kurt’s waist, yanking him sideways as hard as he can to get him to sit on his ass, back against the glass. He straddles his lap and sits down, digging his shoes into Kurt’s thighs. He grabs Kurt's arms and shoves them behind his back, making him hold each of his elbows in the opposite hand. 

Blaine leans into Kurt’s ear, and in the most demanding whisper he can manage, he barks a command, “Do not move your arms unless I tell you, do you understand me?” Kurt nods against him. Blaine is alarmed at the heat coming off Kurt’s skin. It feels like a red hot fire. It’s hotter than the last time Kurt had a meltdown during their sex talk.

He whispers again, “Under no circumstance are you to open your eyes, understood?” Kurt nods again. Blaine bites the lobe of his ear hard, but not any harder than they’ve done in the past. He refuses to take this any further than what they have already set a precedent for. Kurt yelps in surprise but tips his head, laying it against the glass. 

Blaine starts unbuttoning Kurt’s shirt. _Why the hell does he always have to wear button-ups?_ He’s got to get Kurt cooled down. He grabs each of Kurt's arms one at a time, yanking the shirt off and then putting his arms back into position. He then presses as hard as he dares against Kurt’s chest, pushing him against the glass so that the exposed skin of his upper back hits full contact into the freezing cold window. It’s snowing outside. Kurt gasps at the sensation.

“Stay!” he says firmly.

Blaine finds his favorite place on Kurt’s shoulder, where there is already a mark trying to heal. It’s so close to where it might show if Kurt moves a certain way in his shirt. But it follows their rules of no marks that show at work at school. He is merciless as he clamps down with his mouth, teeth, and tongue on the spot, intending to leave a mark that will last more than a few days. He feels Kurt try to buck up against him. He is rock hard in his jeans. 

Blaine is at his ear in a split second, “You do not get to move, do you understand me?” Kurt once again nods, but a whimper accompanies it this time. “I’m in charge right now, and you’ll do as you're told.” Kurt whimpers again, and Blaine can feel Kurt's body finally start relaxing underneath him. 

He keeps marking all over Kurt’s chest. He’s been at this mural for over a month now, and it’s beautiful; they enjoy it. In the back of his mind, he’s scared. This part is easy; it's nothing they haven’t done before. But what else does Kurt need from him? Why did it get so bad that it came to this? He’s actually kind of pissed that Kurt put him in this position and then kind of overwhelmed with the trust Kurt must have to have put him in this position.

It’s all very complicated, and so he once again turns that part of his brain off and tries to figure out what Kurt needs, what he asked for before he fell to the floor in a helpless puddle. The words _scream, fight, rage_ , come swimming back to him. This is unchartered territory. What’s shocking to him is that this feels dangerously close to some sort of light dominance and submission scene, which Kurt has mentioned several times as something that he’s not ready to talk about. And yet when Blaine thinks about it, how many times has Kurt asked to be pinned down or held down? How many times has he begged Blaine to hold him tighter, to take away his control when he feels the most like being in control? They are so talking about this later, but what the hell should he do right now?

He growls at Kurt in frustration and then dives into his mouth, kissing him roughly. He’s impressed that Kurt hasn’t moved his head or tried to take control of the kiss like he usually would. They are generous, allowing each other to have an equal chance to dominate kisses, but Kurt would have tried to get some of that control back by now. After several minutes he tears himself away from the kiss, even though Kurt chases his lips with his own. 

In a deep voice laced with frustration, fear, and maybe a little anger, he decides Kurt needs to know how he feels. “You have scared the hell out of me, Kurt, and I feel hurt. You want a fight, and you aren’t going to get one from me, not like this.” 

Blaine rubs his thumb over Kurts Adam's apple. Something Kurt has loved in the past. He tips Kurt's head back against the glass again so that his throat is stretched out. He continues rubbing up and down over the hard cartilage, his other hand pressing hard down into his sternum, trying to give Kurt pressure on his body. “You have put me in a position where I should never be without knowing what is safe for you. You should have asked for help long before this, do you understand me?”

He sees a tear stream down the side of Kurt’s face as he nods affirmatively. Blaine is relieved that at least somewhere in this mess, Kurt is starting to feel some remorse.

“But, I love you so much, and I **_want_** to help you. What is your safeword, Kurt?”

“Red,” he answers in a barely-there whisper.

“You are not allowed to speak again until I tell you. The only word you are allowed to utter is your safeword if you need it, do you understand?”

Kurt nods again. 

“Do you feel safe with me right now? Please nod yes or no.”

Kurt nods affirmatively, and another tear slides down his cheeks.

“Do you still want me to try to help you get under control?”

Kurt lets out a sob and tries to suck it back in, and nods yes again.

“Do you promise me that you will use your safeword if you need it? I’m not messing around with this, Kurt. Will you safeword?”

Kurt can’t control the sobs now as he nods, yes, vigorously. 

“Stand up, do not move your arms, and do not open your eyes. Figure it out and stand up!” Blaine says as he gets off Kurt’s lap. He watches Kurt struggle to get up without his help, and a tear slides down his own cheek. His beautiful boyfriend is still so red and shaking, and now on top of all that is crying, knowing what he’s asked Blaine to do without a map to do it. 

Once Kurt is up, Blaine walks behind him, grabbing his arms firmly but not roughly, not with any intention to hurt. He nudges Kurt towards their room, telling him to take ten deep inhales and exhales on the way. He does the same. He’s only going to finish this if he himself feels like he’s acting from a place of calm and his love for Kurt. He strips Kurt’s clothes off and isn’t surprised at all that Kurt is still hard. He’s careful not to touch him anywhere near his cock. 

Blaine isn’t allowing himself to become aroused. The last thing he wants is to be turned on right now. He’s trying to keep them both in a safe place. He maneuvers Kurt to kneel on the bed, “Now lay down on your stomach and stretch all the way up. I want your hands touching the headboard. Do not open your eyes. Go!” Kurt lays down and inches his way up the bed until he can put his hands exactly where Blaine asked. 

Blaine goes to the closest and finds an older tie he never wears anymore. He kneels on the bed next to Kurt, “I’m going to blindfold you, Kurt. Would you like that?” Kurt nods yes once again. So he ties it around him as tight as he can without hurting him. Flashing back through their past experiences, he realizes how much Kurt needs pressure on his body. _Perhaps Kurt is more touch starved than he’s recognized the last few years while he’s been at college_. 

Blaine climbs off the bed to take his shoes and socks off. He decides to change, putting on a pair of light cotton pajama pants, deciding that he’ll leave his shirt off. He’s not going to allow this to get anymore sexual than it has so far, but he hopes the skin contact will help Kurt. He closes all the shades in the room, making it as dark as possible. 

He places a pillow between the headboard and Kurt’s head for later. On instinct alone, he goes back into the bathroom and grabs the lavender, frankincense, and massage oils. Then he takes a deep breath and climbs up on the bed with Kurt. He climbs up between his legs and lays his body over him, his neck resting on Kurt’s with his chest to Kurt’s back, his legs tangled up with his. He slides his arms up underneath Kurt’s and grabs his elbows tightly. He relaxes into Kurt’s body, not trying to hold up any of his own body weight, he presses it all down. Kurt's skin is still hot, but nothing like it was before. It’s stifling, but if this is what he can do to help Kurt, he’ll endure it. He goes deep within himself, trying to radiate his love into Kurt’s body.

He follows his instincts again, taking **long pauses** between each sentence. “I want you to picture a black room, Kurt. The ceiling is black. The walls are black. The floor is black. There is a single door with no window, which is also black. There is a faint white light coming from a black pendant hanging from the ceiling. Picture it, Kurt—the black room in your mind. Black walls, black floors, walk into the room, Kurt. Go through the door and shut it behind you. Now close your eyes inside the black room. I want you to remember everything about it. What texture are the walls? How high is the ceiling?

“Inside the black room, I want you to open your eyes. Without moving your head, I want you to see that there is a small, orange, smooth rubber ball in the middle of the room. It’s the brightest orange you‘ve ever seen. In the black room, it stands out. The light is catching on it from how shiny it is. Walk over and pick up the ball, Kurt. I want you to squeeze it as hard as you can in your hand. I want you to squeeze it until your fingers turn white. Don’t let go. Keep squeezing it until your fingers are aching, and your teeth are clenching from the effort of it. It should hurt Kurt.” 

He pauses a few moments before continuing. “I want you to turn to the left in that black room with black walls, black ceiling, black floors. I want you to throw the ball as hard as you can at the wall. You are allowed to scream in the room you are standing in. Throw it, Kurt, and watch it bounce and ricochet off the walls. Watch every movement it makes, do not lose sight of it.” He pauses again, taking a few deep breaths. He feels Kurt move slightly underneath him as if he’s turning to watch the ball.

“When the ball has stopped bouncing and is completely at rest, I want you to walk over and pick it up again. That’s right, walk over the black floor and pick it up. Now squeeze it until it hurts so much you can’t take it anymore and then throw it again. You will do this six times, and every time the ball hits the wall, ceiling, or floor, you will take a deep breath both inside the black room in your mind and outside where you are safe with me right here. You may begin.” 

He can feel Kurt flexing underneath him, the involuntary reaction of his arm muscles to his visualization, and then he starts feeling the breaths Kurt is taking. “That is good, Kurt. You are doing good.” He pays close attention to Kurt’s body. When he feels like Kurt has lost concentration or is close to finishing, he starts talking again. “When you have completed six times with the ball, I would like you to turn your head the other way, so I know you are finished.” Kurt turns his head just a few seconds later. 

“Good, that is good, Kurt. Now I would like you to exit the room with the black walls and the black floor and the black door, Kurt. And I want you to picture walking across the hall where there is a white door. Walk through the white door, Kurt. This room is much larger than the first. It smells like a fresh salty ocean breeze. It takes your breath away with how peaceful and still it is. There is a beautiful white oversized chair in the middle of the room. Kurt, you should go sit in it. Relax and get comfortable. You feel safe here. You feel light as a cloud, ready to soar to new heights.” Blaine slowly gets up off of Kurt as he says this adding to the illusion in Kurt’s mind. He grabs the massage oils dripping them on Kurt back. He starts to massage slowly up and down his spine. 

“The door opens, Kurt. I am there with you now. I snuggle up with you in the chair and start kissing you everywhere.” Blaine starts kissing Kurt's neck and shoulders, where he can reach while still massaging him. 

“And now the door opens again. We both turn to see your dad, Dr. Everly, Olivia, and Mercedes walk in with huge smiles on their faces. Don’t they look happy to see you? They wave at you as they sit down in beautiful white chairs of their own. Please look around the room, Kurt. Do you see what else has appeared? There is boxing gear in the corner and a yoga mat. In another corner are all your art supplies and sketchbooks sitting on a desk. There are bookshelves with massage oils, and DVD’s, and more fashion and artbooks than you could even imagine. Look how they are stacking up, ready to read.

“There is a table to your left with a delicious green smoothie for you to taste and your favorite healthy snacks. What else is in the room, Kurt? Who else comes to see you here? What else is waiting for you? I want you to think of at least ten more things or people to invite into this beautiful, peaceful, white room. I want you to picture them appearing in the room with you. When you are finished, you can turn your head the other way, so I know you are done.” Blaine continues to massage down Kurt’s legs, rubbing his thighs and calves down to his ankles. He goes back up and pulls his fingers over the knobs of his spine again. Eventually, Kurt turns his head.

“Excellent, Kurt. Isn't it an amazing room? Filled with all the things you love, the people who love you, the people who are willing to help you at a moment’s notice? This place is full of love and light, and whenever you are stressed or scared, you can come to this room, and you can pick something here. You can ask for help, Kurt. Everything here and everyone here wants to help you. You are not alone. Do you remember what you told me on our very first date? You said, and I can quote this perfectly, ‘That’s why we need people in our lives who love us. So we can hold each other up when it all gets too heavy to handle on our own.’”

Kurt starts sobbing. His entire body is shaking with the force of it. 

“There is a pillow between your arms. If you would feel more comfortable, you may let your arms loose now, and you can cry into the pillow, my love.” Kurt immediately takes him up on the offer, grabbing it and pressing it into his face as he lets out all his pent up emotion.

“That’s right, baby, let it all out. I love you, and I’m right here. Let it all out.” While Kurt cries, Blaine continues to massage his skin, alternating between feather-light touches and pressing as hard as he feels comfortable doing. He keeps massaging until Kurt has cried himself out, which is surprisingly longer than Blaine had thought it would last. 

“When you feel ready, I want you to put both hands behind your back, crossed at the wrists.” A few minutes later, Kurt complies. Blaine pulls them even further crossed over so that it extends the stretch of Kurt's arms. He keeps hold of Kurt’s hands, then lays his body back down on him again, starts biting and nipping at Kurt’s back and neck. He keeps going until he can feel Kurt fidgeting, a sure sign his arms are starting to hurt. He lifts off, and lets go. “Please put your palms back on the headboard, Kurt.” He does so swiftly. 

Blaine kisses Kurt's arms and shoulders lovingly and rubs them out to ease the sting. “I love you, Kurt. So much. You are my everything, and I am more than happy to do this for you anytime you need it. In the future, please ask me before you are so far gone that you have to safeword into something like this, okay?”

Kurt nods. 

“Do you feel safe right now?”

Kurt nods.

“Do you feel better?”

Kurt nods and lets out a small whimper.

Blaine continues to kiss him all over his back, but he’s quickly losing control of his emotions now. They’ve been at this for almost two hours. He was calm and present, and he helped Kurt as best as he could, but now he needs a minute to fall apart, and he wants to do it alone. 

“I’m going to give you some alone time now to recenter yourself.”

Kurt whines and tears stream down his cheek from under the blindfold but doesn’t say anything. The only way Blaine can find the strength to stay at this point is if Kurt uses his safeword again. Blaine waits a few moments to be sure, but he never does.

“I am going to tuck you tightly into the blankets now.” He brings the blankets up around Kurt and tucks them deep under him all the way around his body so Kurt will feel like they are holding him tightly. 

“There is water on the nightstand, you may move your hands, and you may remove your blindfold yourself whenever you are ready to do so. You may also get up whenever you feel like you are able to. But you can also stay as long as you would like. Try to recenter yourself, find the peace within. I suggest that you take a nice long shower later if you feel up to it. I love you so much, Kurt.” He leans down and presses a sweet, tender, lingering kiss on his cheek. With the last bit of calm he has in him, he climbs off the bed and walks out the door shutting it softly.

Once he’s on the other side of the door, though, he’s not sure what to do. He doesn't have the energy to go box, but he needs to let out the emotion, anger, and fear he slammed behind the door a few hours ago. He’s still concerned about Kurt, though, and doesn't want him to hear him break down. He doesn’t want to set him off again, _or worse_ , make him feel guilty. He does the only thing he can think of, feeling lost in his own house, in his own mind. He goes into the guest room ensuite bathroom and gets in the shower, without even removing his underwear or pajama pants. He stands under the water and waits for whatever is coming. 

One of the things that Kurt has helped him realize in their time together is that you have to feel your feelings. You have to let them come. You have to embrace them. "Feel, deal, heal," he's always telling them. So he waits under the hot water, lets it cascade down his face and skin, and opens the door he slammed shut in his mind. It immediately has him on his knees. He screams out, knowing he can because the rooms are soundproofed, and then the tears come—he lets them. He thinks about how scared he was. How it tore him apart to see Kurt hurting so bad and falling apart. 

A cold prickling crawls up his spine, the feeling of betrayal that Kurt didn't feel like he could come to him before he was that far gone—did he not trust him? 

But in his heart, he knows that isn’t true. He and Kurt have come so far. They have been through so much. This is just another one of the experiences they had to cross over. He knows Kurt wouldn’t purposely hurt him. Then he has guilt for making this about himself at all, which then leads to more anger because it _is_ about him too, damn it! Kurt scared the hell out of him. He’s allowed to feel scared. But then he thinks once again about how much courage Kurt had to trust him to safeword when he was so out of control. It fills his heart to overflowing with love for him. 

His mind is running crazy with chaotic thoughts, but in the center of it all, he holds on to the comforting thought that even amid something as scary as that, he was able to keep control of himself. It was his turn to get them through something huge and emotional—like Kurt has so many times before, and he did it. _Feel, deal, heal._ He has to let this all out, wash it all off, and let it run down the drain so he can move forward. Because, at their core, he and Kurt are okay. They are more than okay. And every time something like this happens, it proves to him beyond all reason that they can endure whatever comes their way, together. 

He decides to follow that train of thought because it seems tangible somehow. Warmth envelops him. He feels love being pressed into his skin, swears he can hear Kurt tell him he loves him and can smell Kurt’s skin. He abruptly opens his eyes to realize that somehow he’s in Kurt’s lap, held tightly on the shower floor. Kurt is whispering over and over and over again how much he loves him, how sorry he is. 

“I’ve got you, my beautiful Honey Bee. I love you so much. I’m so, so sorry. I’m right here, baby.” 

Blaine turns and straddles Kurt’s lap wrapping his legs around Kurt’s waist and throwing his arms around his neck, holding on to him tightly, swearing he’s never going to let go. He tries desperately to press his body into Kurt’s, needing to feel as close as possible. The lament of many lovers over the ages, why can’t you crawl into someone’s skin? Why isn’t there a way to be closer to someone when your body craves it so badly?

And then Kurt kisses him. It’s a new kind of kiss. It’s a thousand apologies and thank you’s all wrapped into the shape of his mouth and the way he presses down so determined to show Blaine how much he’s loved. It’s full of compassion and understanding. It's a yielding kiss of comfort, a feeling of home, and safety for his feelings no matter what they are, Kurt is _here and present_.

When the water finally runs cold, they manage to strip down Blaine’s soaking wet clothes and wrap themselves in huge fluffy towels trying to get warm. They make their way back to their bedroom and crawl together into the blankets, creating a cocoon around them, tangled up together skin on skin. They each take and give small kisses waiting for the moment when they’re ready to talk. 

“Blaine, I am so sorry. I can’t even imagine how much I scared you. I was so scared of myself. I needed your help, and at that moment, it was all I could think of. You are right I should have asked for help before it got to that point, but I swear to you on everything I believe in that I didn't know I was that close to a meltdown. That is only the second time that has ever happened to me. The first was when we had the sex talk, which was a toe in the baby pool compared to how I felt earlier. And I have so much more I need to talk about. But more than anything, bee, even more than being sorry for what I asked you for earlier, I am so sorry for how snippy I’ve been the last few days,” Kurt can feel the tears stream down his cheeks again.

“I am so ashamed and feel so disappointed in myself that I let that happen. I _knew_ I was doing it on some subconscious level. I don't know why I felt like I _needed_ you to fight with me or lash out at me. It was manipulative and inexcusable, and I am so, so sorry. Oh, Blaine, I am so sorry.” He turns and lays on top of Blaine, holding him close.

“Kurt, I forgive you. I was scared out of my mind and deeply hurt. I believe you that you didn't know that was coming for you, and we’ve got to figure out what triggers that in you, but I believe you. I am glad you felt like you could trust me enough to safeword with me. I never want you to be scared to do what you need to do. We need to figure out some rules for situations like that. But now we know, don’t we? So we'll work on it—this is us moving forward. This is us getting through something else, and we’ll keep doing it. Right?”

Kurt nods against his chest.

“As for the being snarky and snippy with me, I can tolerate a certain level of that, Kurt, and I honestly have done my best to try and help you through the stress the last few days—” 

Kurt cuts him off, “I know you have, bee. I have been such an ass to you. I’m so sorry!”

“Baby, I know. But, Kurt, I want to talk to you about something, alright? Your mind seems to be going a million miles an hour all the time. I’ve realized tonight that I think you crave a way for someone else to take control of it and help you shut it down sometimes. Do you think maybe that's true?”  
  
Kurt looks up from where he’s lying on Blaine’s chest, searching his face. He’s intrigued. 

“I was thinking about all the times you’ve been upset or emotional. Your first instinct is always to ask me to hold you tighter or pin you down or mark you. You have an extremely dominant personality. I love that about you,” he feels Kurt tense up in his arms. “Shhh, baby, I’m not talking about BDSM implications here, alright? I’m just making observations. Would you agree that you have a dominant personality, sweetheart?”

“Yeah, I guess, but I don’t know if I like thinking about it that way.” 

“Okay, that is fine, honey. I’m not trying to make you uncomfortable. I'm just trying to figure out how we can help you. I think that sometimes yoga isn't enough for you to find a deep sense of peace. I think you actually like having your control taken away from you. I think you crave that. I want you to think about it and what that might look like for you, and I’m not talking sexually.

“Although if you ever want to talk about that, we can. But Kurt, it might do you a world of good if we did some sensory deprivation with you. Or maybe cuddle or ‘skin time’ sessions that are more constricting, with rules about not moving or permitting me to tell you what to do. Like we did earlier? Non-sexual ways for me to help you give up control in your mind. A reprieve from the natural dominance, and need to control everything that swims through you all the time, baby, so that you can let go and breathe freely sometimes. Will you think about it? And if you think it will help you, I think we should research it.”

“I’ll think about it. I’m scared to admit it, but I think you’re right. But why now, bee? Why would I all of a sudden need this?”

“I’m not sure, baby—lots of reasons. Before we met, you were often in survival mode, content, working hard, busy, and focused on your goals. You weren’t actively engaged in sexual experiences or seeking them out. You didn't feel you needed that or were blocking it out because you weren’t ready. And I think even living in Bushwick, you didn’t always feel entirely safe there. So you were always on high alert. Then we met, and you had to start facing a lot of stuff, Kurt, we both did—we still are. And believe it or not, I think it’s because you feel _so safe_ now that your body is trying to rid itself of years and years worth of adrenaline and cortisol coursing through you. I think sexually, you are starting to want things that you've never allowed yourself to think about before. But that scares you—so you hold back, which builds up inside of you. 

“And most of all, now that you're safe and loved and have that deep connection you have always wanted, you are trying to pick fights with me to test our boundaries. Your subconscious is trying to make sure you are loved and safe here. It wants to see if I’m telling you the truth about staying and loving you. I don’t know, Kurt, this is all just off the top of my head. Does any of that make sense to you?”

“Oh my gosh, all of it does if I stop and think about it. Am I that big of a mess, Blaine?”

“Baby, no! You’re not a mess. You are a beautiful, real human being with thoughts and feelings and trauma to deal with. What do we always say, _hmmm_? We’re perfectly imperfect—a work in progress. I love you, honey, and I’m not going anywhere. We’ll figure this out. Is there anything right now that you want to talk about?”

“Can we start with trying—” Kurt feels shy suddenly and stops talking for a minute. 

“Trying what, Sunshine? Talk to me? Safe space for you here right now.”

“When I’m being snarky and mean, sometimes I feel like I just want you to tackle me to the ground or the wall or the couch or wherever and kiss me silly or be rough with me or surprise me with some sort of reaction to help knock me out of it. I think that is what I’m trying to ask you for when it happens. And I—promise you I would tell you if I ever didn't like it. Sometimes I want you to take me by surprise and pin me down, like the night of the first meltdown. I wasn’t expecting you to get up and pin me to the wall like that, and I felt so much better after, but I think maybe I felt ashamed somehow. I don’t know if I want to try any type of BDSM yet. I can’t even think about what that means right now. I'm not ready for anything like that—but I do like you taking control of me sometimes, and I _love_ doing it to you, too. But I hold myself back _a lot._ I don’t want you ever to think I’m too rough with you. But sometimes I feel like I _need_ to be rough. Is it because we’re guys? Is that such a mindless cop-out? But really, is it in our DNA to fight or need a way to release this stuff that gets built up?”

“Sweetheart, if you are asking me for my permission for you to randomly grab me and throw me up against a wall and have your wicked way with me, you can do it anytime you want. You don't have to be ashamed of that, Kurt. I never want us to use sex to solve our problems, but on a random Tuesday, if you look at me from across the kitchen and have an overwhelming need to roughhouse me and play, even play-fight, by all means, baby, take me. I’m yours! I would get off on that so much. We have to remember if someone uses a safeword or asks for it to stop, in a situation like that, it’s not because the person instigating it was wrong. It was just not the right time. So if we felt safe with that rule, I’m all for you following your instincts and doing what you want to me, Kurt. I trust you. I feel safe with you.”

“Really? You wouldn’t care if I did that?”

“I would love it, honey. Cross my heart. Now, let’s talk about what you asked me to do for you, okay?”

Kurt nods. 

“I’m happy to do the same for you. I hold myself back a lot, too. This is still new for us. And if you are being snarky or mean to me, I’m happy to try and snap you out of it, but I never want you to start resenting me for it, Kurt. That would hurt me so much. You have to be honest with me, is that really what you want? And in the future, if it’s not working for you, do you promise to talk to me about it?”

“It is what I want. And, I promise.”

“Maybe I might feel more comfortable doing it in other situations first. See if it helps in general before I start doing it when you are actually snapping at me. I don’t want to change who you are, Kurt. You have a snarky side, which, unfortunately—maybe, I find absolutely adorable. I’m sure that doesn't help your need to be roughhoused in the moment. But I promise I’ll start finding other ways and other times to take you by surprise, and we’ll both try to be more open about how much we enjoy it. We can try it and then talk about it again in a few weeks, or whenever we need to. We'll get all of this into the journal, alright?”

“Thank you, Blaine Blaine. I think it will help me. I love you—I have to tell you again how truly sorry I am.” He kisses Blaine’s chest a few times.

“Shhh, baby, I forgave you, and I love you, too.”

“Are we okay now?”

“Of course we are, love.”

“Blaine?” he looks up through his lashes.

“Yes, angel?”

“Does this mean we get to have the hottest make up sex _ever_?”

\------------------

A curly-haired man whimpers, and then answers by flipping them over, straddling Kurt’s thighs, pinning his hands under his knees, and diving in for a deep, dirty kiss. “Oh, dear god, please, yes,” he whimpers before he falls back in. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warnings for this Chapter:** Someone uses a safeword. Someone uses mild dominance to get someone through a meltdown (it is mostly non-sexual except for some kissing & nipping at the skin which is already a precedent in their relationship).
> 
>   
> **Authors Notes:**
> 
> For those of you who like the little details, this Chapter covers **October 26th-November 10th**. 
> 
>   * October 29th-Conversation on the couch
>   * October 30th-First joint therapy session for Blaine & publicity meeting
>   * November 10th-Epic Meltdown
> 

> 
> Also, just in case you want my headcanon for my story ;) *if* they ever decide to try any bondage or D/s I think these roles would very much be reversed most of the time. But, when Kurt's need to control everything and his own obsessive behaviors overwhelm him, I very much believe all he wants to do is surrender to Blaine's love and strength to get him back to a safe, peaceful place.
> 
> **One last thing :) There is a Halloween one-shot coming out that I just finished writing, that goes with the mention in this chapter!**
> 
> \------  
> You can find artwork (and aesthetics aka "mood boards") and other related posts to this chapter on my Tumblr page [GleefulPoppet](https://gleefulpoppet.tumblr.com/), I'll be adding things over the next month. And I try to add the artwork to the chapter each night as well.
> 
> [Click Here to See Larger on Tumblr](https://gleefulpoppet.tumblr.com/post/633082188078923776/chapter-22-all-your-perfect-imperfections-posted)


	23. No Regrets, Just Love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Word Count: 9400k+ [Warnings can be found in the notes if you need them]

“Baby, I’m so sore. You broke me,” Blaine whines as he sits down at the counter to eat.

“Me? I have no idea what you’re talking about,” but Kurt blushes profusely. “Just eat your waffles, and be a good boy, Blaine.” 

“Yes, you! Not that I mind. Are you happy, Sunshine? I just want you to be happy.”

Kurt immediately walks around the other side of the counter from where he’s making waffles and hugs Blaine, trying to convey all his love to him. “My studio is more than I could have ever dreamed of. You are too good to me. I’m sorry we had to move the furniture a dozen times until it was perfect, but yes, Blaine Blaine, I’m so happy.”

“I love that you know—you calling me Blaine Blaine. Not that I don’t love the other twenty-five ridiculous names we call each other, but that just melted my heart into a pile of goo. But back to the point, I was happy to help you, and if we need to, we can move it all again!”

“It’s perfect, and I appreciate everything you did to make it happen. I’m excited to be able to work there this week. And, baby, the job posts this week. You know what that means? I can work on my portfolio for the job interview without you peeking. I can lock the door!”

Blaine laughs, “Yes, you can. It’s for you to do as you please! It’s going to drive me crazy, wondering what you’re doing in there all day because I love to watch you work, but I’m not allowed to see them, so it's better this way. Wait? You’ll still let me watch you work sometimes, right? We can bring projects out here together, too, can’t we?”

“Of course, we can, bee! I’m not planning on locking myself in there like Rapunzel. But it will be nice to have some quiet time, and obviously, you aren’t allowed to see my portfolio until I turn it in, so it’s perfect. But tell me, how’s it going, honey? Do you feel good and ready to post the job on Wednesday?”

“I do. I know you are sick of hearing this, but I wish you’d just let me hire you. There is no way anyone is even remotely going to be able to match up to your skill set for this.”

“Oh, geez, honey. We’ve been through this a million times. You need to make sure you find the right person for the job. You owe that to your artists and yourself and your company. And if I get the job, I’ll be ecstatic. The more we’ve worked on it, the more excited I get. However, if I don’t get it, I’ll be happy to work with Isabelle for a few more years before I find something else.” 

“I know, I know, I know. But I want it to be you. I wish I could explain how I feel in my heart about it. I just think that you and I can do something amazing together.”

“And we will, Blaine. We _so_ will. We have big dreams. If it’s not this, it will be the next thing, and it will be perfect because that is how it worked out. Just trust our connection, honey, okay? I think this is one of those times where we give up our control and let our souls take care of it.”

“ _Mmmmmm_ , you know how much I love it when you talk soulmates,” Blaine says, closing his eyes and getting a dreamy look on his face.

“I love you, Blaine Blaine. You crazy, man.” 

“Love you, too! It’s your turn to lead the conversation today. Which one did you pick? Huh, huh, I want to know!” 

Kurt had added a list of about two hundred questions to their spreadsheet. The tab was called “Sunday Waffles.” That was a long enough list to last four years, and they’d keep adding it to it whenever they thought of more or found a new brilliant list on the internet. 

“Alright, I chose the question, ‘What are three things on your bucket list?’ I figured we could answer this one a couple of times a year.”

“Oooh, I love this one. Good choice, Sunshine! Should we go back and forth?”

“Yeah, you go first so I can finish up this last batch of waffles. I made extra for you so you can put them in the toaster for breakfast this week.” 

“You spoil me, honey! Thank you! Love your waffles!”

“Umm—you give me an entire studio, and you are thanking me for waffles? That—”

“Don’t, please, Kurt. We’re not keeping score, remember? And nothing could make me feel more loved than your mom’s waffles to pop into the toaster when you're at school at the crack of dawn, and I’m here already missing you for the day. I’m not trying to be critical of what you say, but sometimes I feel like I need to call you out on it. I know the studio is a big deal, and I appreciate how gracious and thankful you’ve been. But the waffles are just as thoughtful and mean every bit as much to me. So please, please don’t.” Blaine gets up, hugging Kurt tight, “You are my everything, Kurt. Everything. I love you.” 

Kurt hugs him tightly back, emotions choked up in his throat. He can’t even get air in to breathe. So he just silently thanks the Universe for allowing him to find someone like Blaine and kisses him on the cheek, then whispers, “Love you, too. Thank you for reminding me.” Blaine nods against him and gives him an extra squeeze.

"Alright!" Blaine sits down with a big cheesy grin, “Bucket list! Oooh, we should put this on our spreadsheet, though, right? Oh my gosh! Let me. Can I make a tab and feel like I’m somehow contributing to the crazy structure you are bringing into our life that turns me on so much?”

Kurt can’t help but throw his head back and laugh straight from his belly. “We’re ridiculous. And yes, of course. It’s a shared Google Doc so that you can add anything, anytime.” 

He watches Blaine do an absurd little dance as he talks himself through adding a tab to their spreadsheet. “Sweet! Okay, now I’m going first. So one of the things on my bucket list is to go to weird festivals.” 

Kurt comes and sits down next to him, finally finished with his waffle making. “Weird festivals, do tell?”

“Well! There are all kinds of festivals all over the world. Huge ones like Burning Man in Nevada to small ones like celebrating Johnny Appleseed in Indiana. Or the Roswell UFO Festival, or Strawberry Festival in Texas, or the Tulip Festival in Michigan. Did you know there is even a Banana Split Festival in Ohio? Want to know what is really crazy? Ohio has tons of festivals, and I never went to one growing up. That is a shame, I tell you! So yes, I want to go to every Festival that looks fun or out of the ordinary! Did you know there is even a Renaissance Festival in Tuxedo, New York? I mean, did you even know there was a Tuxedo, New York?”

Kurt can’t help but look at the love of his life in wonder and amusement. He’s so different from the man he met who had the weight of the world in the corner of his eyes. This man bouncing up and down in his chair would probably float away if he didn't have his foot wrapped around the barstool. 

“I can’t even with you, bee. You are so happy right now. Festivals, huh? Well, it sounds like we’ve got years worth of weekend vacays to take. We should go! I love it. But we have to have a rule if we do it.”

“A rule?” Blaine looks at him with a curious grin, “What kind of rule are we talking here?”

“Well, I think we should make it our goal to collect something absolutely cheesy and ridiculous. You know, like a magnet for each one or a keychain, something just so kitschy. It would make them all so much better. And if we wanted to make it epic, we should try to go to one in all fifty states!”

“Oh, yes, we must. Oooh. Ooh. Oh! What if we? Oh!” Blaine turns suddenly in his chair and grabs Kurt’s shoulders. “What if we buy a t-shirt at each one we go to? We can find the cheesiest one, and we’ll save them up and have them made into a quilt for each of the kids someday! We could collect them as a family. Oh my gosh, wouldn't that be so fun? My mom made a quilt from my grandpa’s shirts when he passed away. I loved it so much, it’s still at her house, worn and loved until it was threadbare. And a huge yes to the states thing. I’m so on board with that.” 

Kurt throws himself into Blaine’s arms, kissing his neck and ear, and anywhere else can reach between laughs. “You are so cute. That sounds perfect, honey.” 

Blaine preens and genuinely looks proud of himself for so many reasons. It makes Kurt fall for him a little harder, just like every day since they’ve met. He’s not sure how it all fits inside his heart, but he loves this man more and more each day.

“Your turn! What’s on your bucket list, baby!?” Blaine prompts.

“Well, not sure I can top that. You just planned our whole life in a single sentence, but someday I’d like to go visit the birthplace of Noël Coward.”

“Well, that would be fun. Teddington, England, right?”

“Oh, very good, sir. You do impress me!” Kurt teases as he puts on airs. “Alright, fun, fun, put it on the list, and tell me your next one.” 

“Okay, well, this is embarrassing, but... I want to go skinny dipping at night, like somewhere exotic, but private. I’m not sure how that could work, but I dream about it sometimes.”

“Hot, honey, so hot. I vote, yes! Where could we make that happen? Or is that what you dream about in St. Lucia?”

“Oh, damn, like I need more reasons to dream of there, but honestly, I was thinking about somewhere like a private pool or something somewhere outside, I’m not sure. The idea of swimming at night where ‘things’ could interrupt us like fish and seaweed isn’t all that appealing. I don’t think you’d like that too much either.”

“ _Ewww_ —no, no, no. Okay, private pool it is. Maybe we can rent a house or something this summer that has a pool and sneak away for a few days,” he winks suggestively. 

“Yes! Yes, okay. Your turn!”

“Am I allowed to say marry you?” Kurt leans over and kisses Blaine’s cheek. 

“First, have I mentioned at least fifty times in our last five weeks of waffle dinners how much I love maple syrup kisses? And second, no, you can’t because I’ll show you.” Blaine scoots his phone over with the spreadsheet tab he’s been working on, and at the top, it says ‘Marry the love of my life.’ “I didn’t think you’d mind if I went ahead and penciled that in there.”

“And this is why I love you. Okay, let’s see, how about—oh, umm, I’m not sure how you’d feel about this but, someday, I would like to—” Kurt blushes and leans over, hiding in Blaine’s neck for a minute before moving to whisper in his ear, “Get a tattoo.” 

Blaine leaps up from the barstool and wraps himself around Kurt, suddenly smashing his lips into Kurt’s in a messy, sloppy kiss that tastes like November. It’s all vanilla, maple, and pumpkin spice waffles. “Baby, I’m not sure I’ve ever been more turned on in my life.” He feels dizzy and strange, “I’ve never really thought about tattoos but thinking about dark black ink against your perfect porcelain skin, oh damn, baby.” He grabs Kurt's hand and brings it down to show Kurt just how turned on he is, hoping he’ll take at least some of the pressure off his cock that got hard _way too fast_. He starts kissing Kurt’s neck and jawline while asking, “Where… _mmmm_ , where would you get a tattoo? And of what… talk to me… damn honey…” 

Kurt can’t even see straight. This conversation went from ‘Should I even mention it?’ to ‘Holy hell I might come in my pants,’ in less than a second. “I, I, Blaine, I can’t—think,” Blaine is marking his skin and pulling his hair in just the right way, and he’s lost in a haze of arousal. “I always picture a bl-blackbird flying-g or a small cluster of three black-black-birds in fl-fli-fli-flight, on my hip-p-p bone,” Kurt stutters out breathlessly.

Blaine almost loses it, starts making a new mark where he’s gotten Kurt’s shirt halfway off. The images flash in his mind of the ink on his beautiful hip bone, where he can suck on it, lick over it, kiss it, touch it, see it when he goes down on him. He can’t even hear most of his own thoughts over the pulse of his heart that is trying to escape his chest.

“Oh, bee, honey, you—you have to stop, or we won’t—finish thi-thi-this conversation.”

“Can’t... can’t stop. I’m sorry, baby... can’t,” his voice tapers off into a barely-there pleading whisper. He’s got Kurt’s pants undone, pushing him towards the wall. By the time they get there, he somehow has his undone too. He doesn't even bother to get them out of their boxer briefs. He starts rubbing his erection up against Kurt’s, pressing him firmly into the wall. 

“Baby, I’m going to come so fast. I’m so sorry. So damn hot—picturing the ink, oh damn, Kurt. Kurt!” He’s frantic and fumbling as they rut together, but it’s all so deliriously wonderful. 

Kurt gives as good as he’s getting, grabbing Blaine’s hips and holding them tightly. Purposely digging his fingers in deep, he feels the pressure pulsing in his fingers. Blaine loves being marked like this; fingertip shapes left where Kurt holds him that tight. 

“Kurt, baby! I’m—baby—I’m going to come!” And he does with a moan so loud, guttural, and wanton that it sends Kurt immediately over the edge, too. 

Even after their release, Blaine is back at his neck, ear, lips, anywhere he can reach, kissing and nipping at him. Kurt can’t help but let out a small laugh, “So, umm, yes to you being on board if I decide to get a tattoo, then, honey?”

Blaine stops kissing so aggressively and comes down from his high slowly. He takes a few deep breaths at Kurt’s neck, trying to recenter himself. “Yes, honey. So much, yes.” 

“Good to know,” he looks amused. “Shall we go clean up and then come back out here to finish our list and clean the kitchen?”

Blaine turns a bright shade of red, “ _Ehhm_ , yes. I lost it there. There are no rules against it during Sunday waffles, right?” he laughs as he takes Kurt’s hand as they walk to the bedroom. 

“No, there isn’t. And I quite enjoyed that, so you can stop being embarrassed now. I’m glad my hip bones can do it for you,” he giggles when Blaine moans. 

\------------------------------

After a quick shower and a few more kisses, they are back in the kitchen. Blaine’s washing the dishes and Kurt’s drying. 

“Okay, so it was my turn. I’m going to say it and cross it off tonight. Can I do that?”

“What do you mean?” Kurt asks as he reaches up to put the plates away.

“Well, I’m going to put, ‘Be so turned on out of the blue I can’t see straight,’ and since that is what just randomly happened to me, then I can cross it off my bucket list.” 

Kurt walks over and kisses him on the nose. “Fine. But, only because I now know that I can do _this_ to you.” He moves around, so he's behind Blaine, wraps his arms around his waist, leans over to whisper into his ear, “Ink on my hip bone.”

Blaine immediately drops the batter bowl he was washing in the sink, a shiver runs through him. “You, little—”

“What?” Kurt asks innocently as he bites his earlobe and walks away to start drying again. “Okay, so, my third one... this is hard because there are so many obvious things like graduate with two bachelor degrees, be on Broadway, but I want to think of something more unique. Those seem more like life goals. So how about umm….Oh! I know. Sunrise, Sunset Bed & Breakfast.” 

“Oh! Tell me about that. That sounds fun.”

“Well, the idea is you wake up at a bed and breakfast and watch the Sunrise on the East coast, and then you watch the Sunset in a bed and breakfast that evening on the West coast. You can literally do it from coast to coast—or I think some people do it in Florida because you can easily drive across the state in a day—so you are one side of the state in the AM and the other side for PM, which is technically the East and West coast of the state.”

“What an amazing idea. I’ve never heard of that before. Love it!”

“Also, while we’ve been talking, you brought up festivals earlier and remembered that I’ve always wanted to go to the Albuquerque International Balloon Fiesta. I used to daydream about in High School. When I’d see pictures, I always wondered what it would be like to see it or maybe even go up in one.”

“Absolutely! I’ve heard it’s a magnificent sight to see. We might need a list of festivals to visit someday, but I’ll add it to the sheet when we’re done with dishes. Alright, so family check-in time. What do you have going on this week you need help with? Anything I can do for you, baby?”

“Believe it or not, this week isn’t insane for me. I mean, I have some huge project deadlines looming. But after my spectacular meltdown last week and everything you’ve done to help me since then, I feel really good about getting it done. Thank you, bee, for everything you do for me, honey. I have noticed that you are doing extra physical things to help me get outside my headspace. Case in point—pressing me into that wall a little while ago. It is helping, and I just want you to know I noticed.”

“You’re welcome, my love. I enjoy the roughhousing and playing just as much as you do.” 

“What do you have this week? What can I do for you? I know the job posts on Wednesday. Do you need any help? What can I do? Or what else do you need?”

“This week is good for me too, baby. It’s weird after how busy it’s been the last two weeks, huh? Maybe we can have two official date nights this week. How crazy would that be? Although I love that our life feels like one big date.”

“I can do two dates. I’d love to. And I feel the same way. I feel so happy, so loved, and we are so _sappy_ it’s cavity-inducing, bee.” 

“I know, and I wouldn’t change it for anything. I never thought or knew a relationship like this was possible. So I think it’s okay for us to be as sappy as we want as long as neither of us is rolling their eyes behind the other’s back.”

“Oh honey, I’m rolling my eyes behind your back every time—when we’re—” 

Blaine chokes on a gasp and a giggle turning red once again, “KURT! Don’t even finish that sentence unless you’re ready for round three or whatever number we’re on today!” 

Kurt walks over and presses him into the counter. “I promised only to speak the truth and be honest with you. So don’t you want to hear my confession about how when I’m behind you, and I’m—”

Blaine is kissing the next few words right out of his mouth, which is problematic because Kurt is laughing and smiling.

Blaine pulls away from him with a mixture of amusement, want, and a sliver of indignation. Kurt loves teasing him and working him up like this. 

Blaine has his larger than life puppy dog eyes in full force beaming at Kurt. “Kitchen is clean, and we don't have a busy week. I’m declaring it snuggle time the rest of the night!” he says as he throws the towel on the counter.

He pulls Kurt by the hand, flipping off light switches as he goes. Kurt’s not about to argue with an offer like that, so he allows himself to be led wherever Blaine wants to go tonight.

\------------------------------

When he wakes up tangled up in the sheets on Wednesday morning, Kurt feels overjoyed. Nothing is weighing on him today. He’s got a handle on school for right now. The love of his life is starting to stir, pressing warm lips to his back where he is spooned behind him. 

“Morning, Sunshine. You sleep well?” Blaine asks, voice raw and sleepy.

“ _Mmmm_ , I did. Did you sleep, alright? Are you excited about today?”

“Yes! The job should have been posted at 6:00 AM in all the usual places, plus we posted the intern position that was approved for next semester. Thank you for all your help with this. It’s been fun to work on it together. And I think we’ll find some amazing talent. Plus! We’re working to sign a new artist that I’m excited about. I can’t tell you the details yet, but soon.”

Kurt loves to hear Baline so enthusiastic. Loves the kisses he’s getting. Loves his life.

Blaine kisses up his back to Kurt’s ear, “I know you have to get going. You have an early group project this morning, right? But can I sneak in a few morning kisses, baby?”

“Always, honey,” Kurt rolls over and kisses Blaine sweetly. They spend a few minutes cuddling, trying to get enough of each other to last the day. 

“I’ll be home earlier today, though, because everyone in my department at the office is going to that Gala that I don't have to be at. So I only have to go in for two hours. I’ll be home by the time you get home from work, and I have been craving a home-cooked meal, so I was planning on making us dinner.”

“You spoil me, baby. If I can, I’ll get off work earlier, too.” 

\------------------------------

Kurt stares at his phone, where he had dropped it on his assigned drafting table at school. He watched it slide down the desk and get caught on the lip, where it stared back at him. His hand stung where he held the device only a moment before as if he had been shocked or burned by it.

But the only feeling registering in his body was his heart. It felt like it had stopped and was beating too fast all at the same time. He gasped out loud and then quickly covered his mouth when a few of his fellow students looked over at him to see if he was okay. He most certainly was not okay. He was so far from okay that it seemed like not only was he not on this planet anymore, he was in a different galaxy, maybe a different reality entirely. 

They had been so careful. Sure they could have been better, but they could have been so much worse. And yet leave it to Rachel Berry of all people to text him.

 _8:21 AM  
__Rachel: Kurt! What have you been up to you, naughty boy? I thought we were friends!_

Attached was a screenshot of a web article from some trashy gossip site with four fuzzy pictures of him and Blaine together around New York with the headline, “After Two Years Has Blaine Anderson Found a New Boy Toy?”

Of course, Rachel kept up all of New York's hottest gossip. He was shaking. Did Blaine know? He had no idea what to do. He wanted to hide. He wanted to throw up. He wanted to do a dance because it was finally all out in the open. He wanted to cry. He wanted to do _anything_ but stand there frozen with indecision.

Somehow he finds the strength to close the message, turn his phone over, slide it to the far end of his desk, and try to get back to work. It’s going to be a fruitless attempt, but there is nothing he can do until after class. So unless Blaine texts, he does that next most responsible thing and tries to get his work done. He has a feeling deep in the pit of his stomach that Blaine is going to need him tonight. _Trust the connection. Stay calm for Blaine_. 

When his class was finally over, he flipped his phone back around. It was an explosion of messages, some from students on campus he’d only exchanged numbers with for group projects.

 _8:33 AM_ _  
_ _Isabelle: Darling, are you okay? Don’t worry about coming in today at all._

_Isabelle: Stay strong and call me if you need me_

_8:34 AM_ _  
_ _Rachel: Where are you? This is insane— is it true? Answer me back!_

 _8:35 AM to 9:00 AM_ _  
_ _Rachel: Kurt! Stop ignoring me! I need details!_

 _Bridgette: Go, Hummel! Didn’t know you had it in you! Congrats._ _  
_

_Gwen: Your name is all over the gossip sites. Parsons is buzzing_

_Clark: Hot damn, so jealous!_

_Sean: Seriously, get it, Kurt! Lucky jerk!_ _  
_

_Whitney: I know it’s been a while, but way to go, Kurt! He’s gorgeous!_

Seriously? He hasn’t talked to some of these people since Freshman or Sophomore year! Then the next texts are the only ones he cares about.

 _9:10 AM  
_ **B: Baby, I love you! Are you having a good day?  
** **B: Can you call me when you have a chance? Miss you!**

 _9:36 AM  
_**B: Honey, not to alarm you but, I need you to call me when you get out of class**.

There are other messages, but he couldn’t care less. He finds the quietest corner in the building so he can ring Blaine. He wishes he could go outside so no one could hear him, but it's freezing cold and raining.

Blaine answers on the first ring.

_“Kurt!”_

“I’m here, honey. You okay?”

_“Are you?”_

“Are we going to beat around the bush? My phone has already blown up.”

_“Shit. I’m sorry, Kurt. I was hoping maybe you hadn’t heard yet…”_

“Baby, I’m fine. Please tell me what I can do for you?”

_“I have no idea. I’m not doing that great. But I don't want you to leave school for this, honey. You’ll get farther behind, and that stresses you out. Just… can you, you’re coming home early, and we can talk about this, right?”_

“Yes, Isabelle already texted me and told me not to come in. So, I will be home really early. Blaine? Is Marley or Tina with you—I don’t want you to be by yourself?”

_“Yeah, we’re about to have a meeting with the publicity department. Everyone here is taking good care of me, but Kurt, I’m…”_

“I know, honey. Try to breathe, alright. We’ll get through this.” 

_“I’m just so...pissed off, Kurt!”_

“I know, honey. I know. It’s okay to be upset. Promise me you won’t be alone?” 

_“I promise.”_

“Bee? Ummm. Can—can, I-I even go h-home?”

_“Shit, shit, shit. I don’t want you to have to face that alone for the first time. But yeah, you can go home. Just don’t say anything to any of them. Stay calm and walk into the building—I have no idea who will be there waiting. And Kurt, don’t even say anything to your friends. I hate to put my foot down on something like that. I think I’m going to be sick just saying it but—just for a few hours, alright?”_

“I won’t talk to anyone. I understand why, honey.”

_“Make sure you take a car anywhere and everywhere you go. They will open the door for you and make sure you’re out without getting mobbed. In fact, I’m going to have Marley call and upgrade us to security cars for now. So it will be different drivers than you are used to. Umm— bigger drivers that look more like security guards who will have no issues with protecting you. Will you be okay with that?”_

“Oh my gosh, Blaine. Is it going to be that bad?”

_“Honey, I don’t know. Everyone could be there or no one. But I know we’ve got a few buzzards already trying to come into the studio today. We had to put up a sign that we were closed to visitors and lock the door.”_

“Okay, okay, we’re okay. Blaine, I’m fine. Don’t worry about me. I’ll be home at 1:30 or 2:00.”

_“Thank you for trying to be brave even if you aren’t feeling it. I know what you’re doing and I appreciate it. I've got to go to the meeting now. But Kurt, you call me if you need anything. I don’t care how brave you are trying to be, baby. I need to know you will call me, no matter what.”_

“I promise I will if you’ll keep your promise about not being alone.”

_“Anything for you, Sunshine. Now go be fabulous—the amazing you that you are and don’t let these cretins ruin your day, alright? I love you with all my heart, baby.”_

“I love you, too. I’ll see you soon.”

Kurt hits the end button, sinks into the nearest armchair, and tries to pull himself together. He can do this. He’s Kurt Freaking Hummel, and he has stood up to bullies before. He can do it again. This isn’t any different. 

\------------------------------

Kurt looks through the tinted windows at the dreary rainy drizzle coming down, and he’s thankful. Maybe it will keep the gossip minions away from Parkview Tower. His mouth curls up into a half-smile, he never thought he’d live somewhere like he does now, and it sends a half-shivered-laugh in a ripple through his body. What these people will never understand is that he couldn't care less. Blaine could be working a retail job or in a call center, and he’d love him just as much. They’d make do. They’d have fights over money but make up just as fast. They’d have to scrimp and save for vacations just a few hours away, but they would have just as much fun. It’s something the gossip society and column bloodhounds will never understand. And he realizes it’s not his job to _make_ them understand. It’s his job to love Blaine, and that can hardly be considered a job. The privilege of a lifetime or the privilege of eternity is more like it. 

His phone vibrates in his hand and it shakes him out of his thoughts. He looks down, and his heart sinks.

**_Marley: You home? Blaine needs to be home. We’ll see you shortly._ **

Kurt: Pulling up in about 30 seconds. See you soon. I’ll take care of him.

**_Marley: I know you will, which is why we are on our way. Be there in 20 min. I hope!_ **

Kurt has been around Marley enough to how alarming that text is if she’s not only escorting him home but saying he _needs_ to be home. Kurt wonders for the millionth time what happened. How everyone found out and what life was going to look like from now on. But he could only take the next step, just one foot in front of the other, and it would all fall into place. _Trust the connection. Stay calm for Blaine._

All his hopes are dashed about somehow sneaking unnoticed into the building. There are at least a half dozen reports under umbrellas milling around the sidewalk, and when they see the town car, they all turn in earnest interest, tipping their umbrellas up to get a peek. Hoping they are going to get the story of the day or the week. Kurt pulls his scarf up high around his ears and over his mouth. He reaches back and pulls the hood of his coat up as well, which he doesn’t usually do, but desperate times and all that. 

He waits for the driver to open the door as Blaine instructed him and, sure enough, he’s got his face full of cameras and people screaming for his attention. 

“Kurt, Kurt, look over here!” 

“Kurt, are you Kurt Hummel?”

“Kurt, are you after Blaine’s money!?”

“Kurt, do you live with Mr. Anderson?”

“Kurt!”

The driver puts an arm out to Kurt's side so no one can get any further into his personal space and walks him up to the door. Kurt thanks him and has never been happier to walk into the lobby before. Safe. He looks over to see Trent is here today, which makes him smile. 

“Good afternoon, Trent. Nice to see you so early in the day. How are you?”

“I’m good, sir, and you?” he nods to the window and lifts an eyebrow.

“Oh, you know—my fifteen minutes of fame have arrived—ta-dah!” He makes a quirky hand jive motion, and Trent can’t help but laugh. 

As soon as he’s in the apartment, he fixes them both glasses of ice water with lemon. He gets the kettle ready to boil in case they decide to have tea or hot apple juice with cinnamon. He quickly cuts up some vegetables and cheese to make a small cheese board for later if they need it and pulls some savory crackers out of the cupboard to go with it. 

He walks into their bedroom to make sure it’s tidy. Both of them are relatively clean to the point of obsessive, but he wants to make sure. He also checks their stash of “supplies” and turns down the bed. He has no idea what Blaine is going to need. 

He decides to change into something more comfortable. His eyes catch on his glorious blue “boyfriend” sweater. He can’t help but laugh and blush at the memory of getting that sweater off of Blaine the first time. They have come so far since the days of the lap blanket and neck kisses. He pairs it with some yoga pants that drive Blaine crazy. He also finds the black sweater that Blaine never gave back. He loves to wear it and makes Kurt put it on for a few minutes before stealing it back so that it will stay smelling like him. But to be fair, he makes Blaine do the same with the blue one. _We’re so ridiculous, and I hope the time never comes that I don’t think that at least once a day_. He lays it out on the bed with Blaine’s favorite gray cotton pajama bottoms. 

He wanders back into the front room, puts on Blaine’s favorite “vintage jazz” playlist— it’s a comforting rhythm around the house. He lights a few homemade fall candles they bought from a sweet lady at the Sunday flea market a few weeks ago. Not sure what else to do, he sits down at the piano bench facing the front door and waits, taking the opportunity to take some deep breaths and hopes that their soulbond has some words of wisdom for him. _Trust the connection. Stay calm for Blaine_. It’s not new wisdom, but he’s grateful it’s there at all. 

Within minutes, the front door opens, and Kurt is not prepared for the pulsating rage under Blaine’s skin and the haunted betrayed look in his eyes. He rushes over and scoops Blaine into his arms, not sure what else to do. Blaine is stiff and barely holds on to Kurt’s waist, but he does lay his forehead down on Kurt’s shoulder. 

Kurt looks to Marley with wild, huge eyes and nods down to Blaine, begging her silently to fill him in. She looks at him and minutely shakes her head. He realizes she has anger and sadness swirling in her own eyes. She makes a silent motion to call if he needs her, and she walks out the door without saying a word. 

“Blaine...honey, talk to me.” 

Blaine goes even more rigid in his arms, and he can unmistakably feel the heat start to rise to alarming levels from Blaine’s skin even through his clothes. _Oh my god, is this what my skin felt like to Blaine when I had those two meltdowns?_ It feels like Blaine might combust in his arms, and he has a brief flash of panic. _Trust the connection. Stay calm for Blaine._ Right. He can do this. 

He pulls Blaine back away from his body. The golden honey of his eyes has given away to something furious and lethal. Kurt would have been terrified if that look was directed at him. But they were also lost and focusing out in the distance. He is gone somewhere in his mind. Kurt leans over and kisses his forehead. It’s scorching hot and sweat is beading up. He can only think of one thing that might help right now, so he takes Blaine by the hand, tugging him into his sacred space. 

He pulls his coat and scarf off quickly and lays them on the table. He tugs his shirt from his pants, pulling it up until Blaine has no choice but to lift his arms up and let him finish the job. He kneels in front of Blaine, unties his shoes, undoes his belt, opens the button, and pulls down the zipper. He taps behind Blaine’s knee, “Lift up!” which he complies with, so Kurt can remove his shoe and sock. Then he does the other. He pulls Blaine's pants down quickly, tossing all of his clothes up on the table.

He sits Blaine down on the bench in just his boxer-briefs before walking over to the wire basket to get the sports tape and his gloves. Kneeling again between Blaine’s knees, he kisses the bare skin over Blaine’s heart. “I love you, Blaine. However you feel right now, it’s okay. Don’t fight it, honey.”

He picks up his left hand and kisses the knuckles before he starts to wrap his fingers the way he’s seen him do a few times before. He’s not sure he’s doing it right, but hopefully well enough. He then picks up the other hand. This time, he kisses his palm and nuzzles it up to his face for a moment before wrapping those fingers just as carefully. 

Blaine is starting to relax but in a menacing way. Instead of the anger under his skin, it now seems to be radiating from his body. Kurt is hoping that means he’s going to be able to let some of it out if he can hold on another minute. Kurt grabs the gloves and pulls them on his hands. Kisses his forehead one more time and then his heart. “Let go, Blaine.” He stands up from his knees, sits on the bench next to Blaine. “Let go, honey. It's okay. Let it out. Go!” he says a little more firmly and gives him a solid nudge up. 

Blaine walks over to his punching bags on autopilot. He punches a few times as if he’s testing it out—warming himself up. Within a minute, though, he’s going at the bag with a fury the likes of which Kurt has never seen him go. To be fair, the times Kurt has watched him box before now, he was showing off and being silly for Kurt, because well, he loves to watch Blaine box. He wonders if this is more of the type of boxing Blaine did after Connor. A release so fueled by emotion that you can almost feel every thought that bounces off the bag with his fist. 

Kurt keeps a careful eye on him. He hopes he’ll see the moment Blaine comes back to himself. When he realizes where he’s at and what he’s doing, or at least finds his voice. He’s been punching that bag mercilessly for over twenty minutes. 

The scream that finally breaks the silence is primal. It’s full of pain and frustration, and betrayal. 

“DAMN IT ALL TO HELL! It was someone from work, Kurt! Someone from my own company!” 

He throws himself at the bag, hitting it rapidly with no form or finesse before he breaks and falls to the ground on his knees, sobbing. Kurt is there in an instant, taking his gloves off. He winces when he sees how red his fingers are underneath. He’s going to be bruised tomorrow. He quickly pulls his own sweater off, tossing it to the side, and then scoops Blaine into his lap. Immediately Blaine turns to straddle him on the floor, wrapping his legs around Kurt’s waist, throwing his arms around his neck. 

“I’m so sorry, baby. I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry. I didn’t want this for you. I’m so sorry!” Blaine sobs into his neck.

“Shhhhh, honey. I’m fine. Look, I’m here, and we’re okay. You have nothing to apologize for. Can you breathe for me, honey? Just like you always ask me to do. Come on, breathe for me, sweetheart.”

Kurt holds him tighter and tries to lead him in a few deep breaths. Taking a few opportunities to kiss at Blaine’s neck or shoulders and whispering endearments to him. He feels him start to cool down, and he can’t help but be relieved. Blaine seeks out his mouth and starts kissing him. It’s uninhibited and wild. He’s taking what he needs from Kurt, and Kurt’s only too happy to oblige him. Blaine kisses him for a long time. With every swipe of his tongue, with every bite, nip and moan, he seems to be coming back to himself. Kurt feels like he’s more present and with him right now instead of lost in his mind somewhere. 

After he’s calmed down, he starts shivering, though. His hot skin now tepid and shimmering with sweat. He’s cold. The loft always has a light November chill hanging over it these days because of all the glass in the loft, even with the central heat on. Kurt picks up on it immediately.

“Baby, baby, hold on a second, yeah? Let’s get you in the whirlpool bath for your muscles and warm you back up. Come on.” 

Blaine whines. He doesn't want to stop making out with Kurt, but it’s hard to do when your teeth want to chatter together, so he lets go of his favorite human. 

Kurt gets them both stripped down, runs warm water—turning the jets on, then slides in—opening his arms up in invitation. Blaine climbs in and lays his back against Kurt’s chest, letting Kurt wrap his beautiful arms around him, holding him tight. Kurt kisses at his ear and neck. 

"You ready to talk to me, honey? Tell me what happened. It’s okay if you’re not ready, though, alright? We have all afternoon and all night together. Just us.”

“I don’t even know where to start, Kurt,” Blaine sighs in defeat. “What have you seen? How did you find out?”

“I got a text in the middle of my group project right before class started from Ms. Rachel Berry with a screenshot of some crazy article. Who knows where from. I didn't look that good. I saw the pictures they had and can’t figure out how they had them for the life of me. I went into a moment of shock and turned the phone over. Since then, I’ve gotten who the hell knows how many texts from students I’ve worked with in college the last seven years from study groups and stuff that have been texting me all day. I had no idea so many people kept up with New York gossip. When I graduate, I think maybe it’s time for me to get a new phone number,” he laughs out a little laugh and then sighs. It’s really not funny. 

Blaine is rubbing his hands up and down Kurt's outer thighs where they are bracing him underneath the water, light strokes alternating with more pressure, sometimes using the back of his nails. He’s lost in thought again, trying to make sense of the day, but you can’t make sense of something that _doesn’t_ make sense.

“I’m not even sure we’ll ever be able to piece it together. I mean, the damage has been done. I’m not sure it matters now. But basically, one of the girls who helps out around the office, she’s there to help everyone—she floats from project to project. An assistant, I guess, to everyone is her job description. Anyway, she’s a nice girl and does a great job, she’s liked by everyone. She came and confessed mid-morning that at a dinner with her friends and some friends of friends about a week ago, she’d perhaps been a little too tipsy. They were talking about where they worked, and she said she bragged that she worked for me. I’ll spare you all the comments about how hot I am and how she stares at my ass when she can get away with it.” 

Kurt laughs and gasps at the same time, “She didn’t!”

“Oh, but she did. Apparently, she had a little crush on me and made it out to sound way more than she should have or would have if she was sober. Anyway, let’s move forward. I can’t live through that uncomfortable conversation again right now.” 

Blaine shudders in his arms, thinking about how awkward and horrible the conversation was. Luckily he had pulled Marley and a PR rep in the room with him, so he had their support. They ended up taking the girl out and having her write everything down with the legal team, so Blaine didn't have to hear another word of it. 

“So anywho, her friend’s friends were apparently all up on their big city gossip and started asking questions, finding out all sorts of details she didn't think were a big deal. Seeing you around the office for one and suspecting that we were more than friends, her jealousy couldn’t be hidden. Spilling her guts about what she knew about the new department, sharing random details about our artists. Legally she’s in a great deal of trouble because she signed our mandatory non-disclosure agreement, but I feel bad for her in some ways. I hate that we have to fire her and file for legal action. We can’t let it slide, or it sends a message to our artists and our other employees that we tolerate that kind of crap. It’s horrible. I hate it, Kurt. She’s just a young lady, barely graduated from college, and just getting started with her adult life. I’m going to talk to our legal team and see what we can do that doesn't destroy her but also appeases the responsibility I have to the artists who trust us with their information. I mean, I’m pissed off and _so angry—_ actually angry doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel about what she’s done to us. But if it were just about _us_ , I wouldn’t be going after her.”

“Oh, honey. I'm so sorry. I know how much you try to be an amazing boss and foster a positive work environment. I understand why you feel torn about it. And she sounds like she had a momentary lapse in judgment. Why did she confess, though? Why didn't she ride it out?”

“She felt guilty as hell when she realized that everything in the articles were things she said at dinner. Then one of her friends texted her and said they were going to contact us to tell us everything, where they got all the juicy gossip, and maybe it would teach her a lesson. The part I’m still unclear about is why? Why they felt like they had to do that. It seems like they could have gotten more out of her in the future. That seems heartless for some over the top bragging. Why be so cruel to her, though?”

“No, bee, I’m sure they were scared they would be found out, so they threw her under the bus first or tried to ‘blackmail’ her because they didn’t think she'd actually confess. I bet they are college students too and can’t believe they got to sell a story like this. They may have even threatened her or something, so she just came clean instead of living under their thumb.” 

“Yeah, you’re probably right. She also probably hoped we'd be more lenient on her if she confessed too.” 

“I still don’t understand all of it, though. I mean, where did they get the weird pictures of us in the background like at the goofy golf place from weeks ago? And that one from the senior fashion show, I mean what the hell Blaine?”

“Well, this is where it gets weirder than you can ever imagine. So I guess between this group of friends and their social media circles, they quickly put things together. One of them had a best friend at Parsons, and that friend had pictures from the fashion show. They just scanned through them, hoping beyond hope they could find us in the background because she told them where I met you. Of course, she had no idea I knew you before then. But the craziest of all of it is the golfing pictures.”

“I’m listening.”

“So remember that group that golfed in front of us—a whole bunch of young adults?”

“Yeah, vaguely.”

“Well, apparently they were filming all kinds of Instagram stories, Snapchats, posting on Twitter you know the usual? Who can begrudge the modern-day student their need to put every second of their lives out for public display? But randomly, some people thought they recognized me in the background in a few photos on Instagram and posted a comment that said something like, ‘Hey, that looks like Blaine Anderson!’ A few people responded that maybe it was, but it wasn’t that big of a deal that kind of stuff happens all the time. That is until a sister of one of the friends in that group dinner heard about them trying to put this story together to sell. She’s a fan of my music, so she had noticed the comments on Instagram right away and wondered who I was with. Do you see how insane this is, Kurt? It’s like they were the Sherlock Holmes of social media and pieced this entire thing together. 

“And since we weren’t aware of it, they’ve been able to snap photos of you and I coming and going out of the apartment building the last few days from across the street! These are young adults, not professionals. I wasn’t even looking for them. The only one they got of us together we’re decked out in winter clothes. We aren’t touching, because we were being our usual careful selves, but we’re getting into the same car. I'm not sure if you saw that one, but it’s just ridiculous. No one could have prepared for this scenario. It was like the perfect storm of insanity from a bunch of gossipy friends who were way too drunk and decided to see if they could sell a story about New York’s rich and famous.” 

“I’m sort of glad it happened this way if it was going to happen, though, bee. At least we didn't make a mistake ourselves. I don’t think either one of us could have lived with that guilt.” 

“You are always so quick to find the light, Kurt. I love that about you, baby. Thank you. I wish it wouldn’t have happened at all, but you’re right. We did try to be careful. I’m super not happy about it, and it’s going to suck for a while. I can’t promise that my anger isn’t going to come back in full force. It’s going to take me a while to process all of this. The betrayal from _inside_ my own company on top of it is, it’s just a lot to take in.” 

“I know, honey, and you need to feel your feelings. Don’t let them fester, alright? I’ll be right here by your side. We’re going to be okay.” 

“Thank you for helping me earlier, for getting me in here when I couldn’t do it for myself. I was so lost in the anger and hurt, I didn’t know how to find my way out of it.” 

“Your welcome, my sweet Honey Bee. And if we need to do this whole process another ten times tonight or this week or over the next month or year, we will. You need to get it all out. Don’t ever hold it in on my account, promise me?”

“I’ll try, I promise.”

“Plus, I mean, it’s not exactly a hardship for me to sit here and watch you beat the hell out of that thing, Blaine Blaine.” 

Blaine laughs and turns his head begging for a kiss with an insistent noise. Kurt dives in for a few minutes before he can feel how pruney his toes and fingers feel. “Let's get out, baby, and go cuddle for a while on this beautiful afternoon. We can talk more later about the details of what happens next later, yeah?”

“Sounds perfect.” 

\---------------------------------------------------

A curly-haired man lays in bed, holding his love who is sound asleep and dreaming of something happy, he hopes, if the peaceful half-smile on his face is anything to go by.

It has been one of the best and worst nights of his life. The best because Kurt was there by his side every time he lost himself to the anger. Kurt helping with his tape and gloves. Boxing again twice more before the night was over. Kurt helped him from slipping into the red pool of acidic anger threatening to take over his mind now that his love life was _once again_ all over the headlines for everyone to know—when it wasn’t any of their business. And damn—that sting of betrayal from inside the office was like a nest of hornets buzzing around his skin all night.

Kurt was there, never judging, always ready to listen, never pushing for him to talk if he didn't want to. He was there in whatever way Blaine needed him to be. He blushes at the memory of what they had done earlier this afternoon when their bodies crashed together—it was all adrenaline, chaos, and primal urge. Kurt always keeping them safe, but allowing Blaine to be as rough as he wanted to be. He briefly wonders if that counted as anger sex.

And then within minutes after they had cooled down, Kurt had them in the shower, then dressed them both in their boyfriend sweaters and fed them a delicious healthy meal. Kurt was pure sunshine, love, and peace, radiating calm into Blaine’s heart, consistently reassuring him that they were okay, and they would always be okay. And every time he asked Kurt if _he_ was okay, Kurt would reassure him that he was fine for now. They would figure it all out together.

He sighs dreamily, thinking about how hours later Kurt had wrapped him in his arms and made love to him when he had asked him to. It was so tender he had cried during most of it. Kurt kissing away his tears and showering him with praises of love, telling him everything he loved about him with every breath he took. It was everything he needed. Somehow Kurt just knew instinctively—he was a generous lover, a beautiful man inside and out.

He leans over and kisses Kurt’s forehead making a renewed commitment to himself to let this all go. He knew he wouldn’t be perfect at it, but he was sure as hell going to try. What was done was done. They’d move forward together as they always did and deal with it. It was the price they had to pay to live in New York, whether he agreed with it or not. But he knew he couldn't let it take away any more of his joy. Not when he was the luckiest man in the world, about to fall asleep with an angel in his arms. 

_Fearlessly and forever_ was his last thought before he drifted off to dreams of St. Lucia.

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warnings for this Chapter:** Someone is beyond angry for valid reasons, Clothed grinding against a wall, implied anger sex (but not angry at each other), implied loving sex
> 
> **Authors Notes:**
> 
> For those of you who like the little details, this Chapter covers **November 11th-18th**. 
> 
>   * November 14th-Implied working on the studio
>   * November 15th-Sunday waffles
>   * November 18th-Publicity Storm
> 

> 
> \------  
> You can find artwork (and aesthetics aka "mood boards") and other related posts to this chapter on my Tumblr page [GleefulPoppet](https://gleefulpoppet.tumblr.com/), I'll be adding things over the next month. And I try to add the artwork to the chapter each night as well.
> 
> [Click Here to See Larger on Tumblr  
>   
> ](https://gleefulpoppet.tumblr.com/post/633183845228904449/chapter-23-no-regrets-just-love-posted-this)


	24. No One Can Tell Us We're Wrong

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Word Count: 10k+ [Warnings can be found in the notes if you need them]

Kurt was sitting at the kitchen table, staring off into space. His phone was on the table, his left hand absentmindedly spinning it around and around. He thought about the last few days. The aftermath of their story breaking on a few of the gossip websites on Wednesday morning had turned into a raging, wild inferno by Saturday. Everyone knew. Everyone. Last night it was considered newsworthy enough to even make a small mention on one of the entertainment shows on television.

In some ways, he felt numb. He had asked the people he cared about to give him some time to call them or answer their texts when he was ready. He ignored all of the other texts from random people he’d met throughout the years at school, some of the more crude ones he even blocked. 

Each morning he faced the people outside lingering around wanting pictures with a smile. He got in and out of the car everywhere he wanted without so much as making a peep, except to whisper a sincere thank you to each of the drivers that opened the door and helped him get to and from the nearest door. He knew in time they’d get tired of hounding him. He didn't appreciate the few overzealous nuts who snuck their way onto campus and tried to catch him or photograph him there. It didn’t escape his notice that campus security seemed to hang around his classrooms more than they ever had before, and he supposed he was grateful for that.

It just all seemed so pointless, but he gets it. He’s not naive enough to not understand the weird dance between celebrity and fan. As fake as it all is, somehow our culture seems to thrive on it. Fame is a fickle friend, though. You don’t know what it means to lose your privacy until it happens. 

“Penny for your thoughts, baby?” Blaine has been leaning against the wall for a few minutes watching Kurt, hoping he’d notice him there so he didn't have to interpret Kurt’s obviously deep internal conversation. When Kurt jumps and grabs his phone to keep it from spinning off the table, Blaine walks over to sit down across from him.

“Talk to me, honey. You’ve taken all of this so well all week. I’m almost afraid you’ve taken it too well. I sort of want it to be your turn to lose it. Let me wrap your hands and watch you take a few swings at the punching bag.” He grins like a Cheshire cat at the thought of that. 

“You can teach me any time you want, bee,” he tries to give him a sincere smile. “But I don’t know. I guess I was just trying to figure out if I don’t care because there is nothing I can do to change it or if it’s because I’m numb?”

“Maybe it’s both?”

“Maybe. I’ve got to text my friends tonight, Blaine. I’ve put it off for days. It’s making me crazy that I can’t share the best part of my life with them, and yet, I wasn’t ready to share either.”

“Damn it, Kurt. I am so sorry. I knew this was coming. I knew it was the first night we sat down together at Tangerine Terrace. I knew this was coming for us. And I hate it for you most of all. I hate it.” 

“Blaine, please stop. Stop. I know you do, and I chose you anyway. You gave me a choice. This is nothing I’m not willing to endure to be with you. I love you so much. Can we create a safe space circle here for a few minutes for me? I need to be able to tell you how I feel openly without you blaming yourself, hating yourself, or getting angry at the world. That isn’t helping me, Blaine, and right now, I need your help. Please?”

Blaine has a moment of panic. Alarm shows on his face when he realizes that his little rants aren’t helping Kurt feel any safer. “Oh, Kurt. I’m sorry, baby, of course.” He reaches over and grabs Kurt’s hand from across the table and kisses it before resting it in between both of his, rubbing his knuckles smoothly. “I can be so selfish sometimes. Please talk to me, honey. I’m listening.” 

“Our original publicity plan is out the window. I know your team has gone back and forth all week about what to do with ‘us.’ I just—I want to—can we just post a photo of us on your Instagram account on Monday and own up to it? Why do we have to do this futile dance? The headlines have been as bad as they can be. **_Everything_** I never wanted people to think about our relationship, they do. So what the hell difference does it make? Will they leave us alone if we give them some pictures and confirmation?” Kurt scrubs his free hand over his face in frustration a few times before tilting his head back and letting out a groan. 

Blaine is relieved to see Kurt showing some emotion other than “calm and collected” as he has been since Wednesday. “I don’t know, Kurt. I guess it just depends on how comfortable and open we feel like being. What would make you feel okay about this, Kurt? What would you do if I just put it in your hands to choose?”

Without hesitation, Kurt says, “I don’t want to hide. Can we just be us, please? We can keep ignoring the press, but living life on our terms? I want to hold your hand when we come home. I want to walk in the park with you. I want to go to dinner with you, damn them all. Won’t they lose interest if we start sharing what we want to share when we want to share it on your social media? Maybe once we’re engaged or married, we take someone up on one of the offers for an exclusive interview they keep asking you about. I just…” he yanks his hand out of Blaine’s and stands up from the table, putting his arms over his head and starts pacing. 

“Kurt?”

“Damn it, Blaine, don’t you think we could make a difference? I would have given anything to have more role models of healthy gay relationships when I was in high school. I don’t know. I just feel like we could make a difference. It’s not like we’re A or B-list Hollywood actors where we have PR teams that are going to call the paparazzi to come film us walk across a street somewhere, or come out of a restaurant like we’re shocked they are there. We don’t have to sell anything. We don’t have to prove anything. I don’t know, Blaine, I don’t know. I feel like if we were open and honest about who we are to a very small extent, it could help LGBT+ kids out there. I don’t think they need every detail but…Blaine, I—want to—” He stops talking and throws himself back into his chair, looking confused and scared, yet there is a resolve in his eyes to make the most courageous choice they can.

“Kurt, every day I fall deeper in love with you. Every single day I marvel at your courage and your strength. You’re constantly thinking about the greater good and how to help. If you’re willing and feel safe, I’ll be brave too. I don’t want to hide either. I would like to keep as tight of a lid as possible on our personal life, but you're right. If we are proactive about sharing things with the public, the gossip sites will be reporting everything second hand. The team and I talked about this option, but I wasn’t sure how you’d feel. After seeing that we’ve actually made the entertainment news on TV last night, I think we have to decide sooner than the end of the month like we were planning on. I just wanted to get through this week and have a beautiful Thanksgiving and not have to worry about it, but that isn’t practical, is it?”

“Blaine, I know why the team decided that the end of the month would be better, and we should lay low until then, but you know me. I can’t handle the uncertainty. I want to make a decision and then make it happen. I’ve told you what I want. But I respect anything that you think is best for us with this. You know better than I do what I’m suggesting and the consequences. I trust you.”

“I think we should tell the team we’re taking our ‘personal life’ social media into our own hands, and then on Thanksgiving, we should post a picture of us looking all cute with some cheesy line about being thankful for ‘us’ and post it on my accounts. But if we do this, Kurt, you have to swear to me, up and down and sideways and backward and forward and diagonally and in reverse, that you won’t read the comments. I’m not kidding, Kurt, you can’t. We have someone at work that deletes, blocks, and reports the horrible stuff, but Kurt, you have to promise me. I never do, ever. I learned the hard way that there are people on the internet who’s number one goal in life is to troll and hurt people. They make comments designed to gut you. In fact, some people are paid to do it, how sick is that? Do you promise me, Kurt?”

“Yeah. That makes sense, I guess. This is terrifying, isn't it?”

“It really is. I mean, sometimes people get so attached they forget to live their own lives. And I worry that if someday, god forbid, something happens to one of us or our relationship— how does that affect the people we were trying to help? But I understand we aren’t going to live like that. At our date at the library, we promised we would try not to live in the ‘what ifs’ or other people’s expectations. So we’ll do this like we’ve done everything else and face it together one day at a time.” 

Blaine gets up from the table and walks behind Kurt’s chair, sliding his arm down his chest and leaning over to kiss the top of his head, “I love you, you brave, brave man.” 

Kurt leans into Blaine’s touch and rubs his hand in small circles, “Love you too, honey. There is one more thing I need to talk to you about. Would you mind sitting down again so I can look at you? This is going to be difficult for me.”

“Anything you need, my love. What’s wrong?” he asks as he sits back.

Kurt takes a deep breath and slides his hands across the table for Blaine to hold. “This is a safe space for both of us, so you have to be brutally honest with me Blaine,” he can feel how much he’s trembling in Blaine’s loving grip. “How much of a disaster is the job posting now?”

Blaine takes a deep breath in through his nose and exhales it slowly. “Kurt, we—”

But Kurt cuts him off in his nervousness, letting his anxiety get the best of him. “Is it even ethically possible for you to move forward with it with me as an applicant? I know you worded everything so carefully so that it was abundantly clear why the portfolio part would be done anonymously. Because friends and family were allowed to apply for the job, but geez, Blaine. This is just too much. Even if I DID get the job because my portfolio is the best, it doesn’t matter anymore. Not even I’ll feel good about it. I should have listened to you, Blaine. I’m so sorry. I should have realized that if anything went wrong, it would put you in an awful position. And I secretly really wanted the job, Blaine. I just wanted to know I was worthy of it on my own. I’m crushed, Blaine. And yet I’m more sorry I ever put you in this position. Maybe it was all a sign we shouldn’t work together.”

That catches Blaine’s attention among all the other things Kurt has said. “You don’t really believe that, do you? I’ve seen the way you’ve lit up talking about it. I could see the passion in your eyes, the cogs spinning with a million ideas. Do you believe it was a sign, or are you trying to talk yourself through your heartache?”

For a few seconds, Kurt stares at him, his eyes a mirror of the thoughts he’s having from within. “Both. Maybe? Part of me wishes I would have just taken the damn job and not made everything so complicated for both of us.”

“You had your reasons, and I understood them. I still do. I admire that you want to earn the things you have in your life, Kurt. Has it never occurred to you that you already have earned it?”

“I don’t understand,” Kurt looks at him, brows furrowed, a curious expression. 

Blaine lets out a sigh that is half a laugh and half exasperated. “Kurt, I’ve tried to tell you so many times why I want you for this. Look how hard you’ve worked already. Look at what you've accomplished. I’ve already seen your work. Your portfolio for the interview isn’t going to suddenly prove you more worthy. You've gotten not one but two Bachelor's degrees in record time. Have I mentioned fifty thousand times that you got your internship out of high school _at Vogue_ , Kurt? You got into NYADA. You got into Parsons! What do you have to prove, and to who? You have nothing to prove to me, Kurt. You _are_ who I want for this job, and I still do. I tried to support you in how we went about it, but the job is still yours if you want it.”

“How can you feel good about doing that? What about the other applicants, and it was posted in some prominent places? And I just—really, still you want me? You aren’t worried about any backlash?”

“Kurt. First of all, my company isn’t that big that anyone even cares or pays attention. Everyone at work _loves_ you from the little time they’ve spent with you. Second, I own the company solely, there is no one to tell me I'm doing it wrong. I don’t have a board or committee to report to. It’s just me. Third, someday I’d like to change that and have you be a part of that with me if you ever wanted to. But Kurt? Let them talk. I just don’t give a damn anymore. They are going to talk anyway. All of this seems like much ado about nothing. 

“As far as I’m concerned, we can go to bed tonight knowing you are taking the job. I'll watch your face drift off into a daydream about what you are going to wear on your first day—wondering if I was serious about handing over the company credit card—and then watch you smirk a delightful little grin when you start plotting outfits to wear for the picture we’re going to post confirming our relationship this week. Don’t think I don’t know these things, Mr. Hummel.”

Kurt laughs loudly, loose and happy like a thousand jittery butterflies are released from his tummy and set free. “Oh my gosh, I so would. You know me too well, Blaine Blaine.”

“Kurt, this is our life. Let’s give up all these pretenses and live it? Forget what everyone else thinks. It’s exhausting to try to live up to everyone’s expectations. It can’t be done. Someone will always be disappointed.” 

“But—”

“But nothing. If it makes you feel better, we changed the job listing, did you notice that? It never said we were hiring the head of the department. It’s a listing for an in-house designer that also has styling experience. So guess what? _That_ job is still available. The only change is that you’ll be sitting on the side of the table with me interviewing the candidates instead of me interviewing you. Whoever we hire will be the first employee for _your_ department Kurt, and we still have the internship open for applicants as well, so you’ll be handling them. I had a feeling in my gut, Kurt, that you’d take the job before this was over, so I was very careful in what I put in the listing.”

“You had a feeling, huh?”

“Sweetheart, I saw your face when you walked up those stairs to the second floor the first time we visited the studio. You knew it then, didn’t you? That it was where you were supposed to be. Just like you knew we were meant to be together, and you fought like hell for us that first night at Tangerine Terrace? I saw the entire department flash before your eyes. You knew what you could make of it. I have been patiently trying to wait for you to admit that it’s okay how much you want it and to reach out and take it. It was my turn to fight like hell for you, Kurt Hummel.”

Kurt starts sobbing and laughing all at the same time. The last of his fear and twisted up anxiety being pulled up at the roots and tossed out. He’s up in a flash, straddling Blaine’s lap in his chair, almost tipping them over which makes them both start laughing harder. They kiss and tickle each other and end up in a tight embrace. It’s been an emotional few days, and they are both so done with all of it. And when it’s all stripped down to its simplest form, they are just two men who love each other, want to make a difference, and go out to dinner holding hands. So they decide then and there, once and for all that is what they are going to do between silly grins and sweet kisses. 

Finally, Kurt pulls away, “Love you, bee! Are you ready for Sunday waffles? I’m starving!”

“Yes, indeed! Since we just finished up a conversation, do you want to snuggle up on the couch and watch Fantastic Mr. Fox while we eat them? We can do our Sunday question a bit later tonight?”

“Sure, but first I had an idea I’ve been thinking about all day. Maybe we can talk about it while I cook? This week I’m going to make cinnamon sugar butter to put on them!”

“How do you keep doing that? Finding something new every week to eat on them? It sounds delish and honey, we can talk all night if you want. I have no problem with that. I was trying to give us an out if you needed a little breather. And also, please let me help.”

“Okay, well first, I have like fifty ideas for waffle toppings, so we never have to eat the same waffles twice in a year unless we want to. I mean, some are just standard ‘go-to choices’, you know? Second, hold that thought on the movie. I think we can watch it and do what I want to talk about and third, let’s talk about it, help me get set up real quick first?” 

After six weeks of waffle dinners together, they’ve got the set up down to a science. Tonight they dance around the kitchen singing Michael Buble’s version of “[Feeling Good](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NzmfnGoqKOk)” swatting each other on the tush, stealing kisses, bumping hips, and at one point having a wooden spoon sword fight. As Kurt pours the first waffle into the waffle maker, he starts on the topic.

“So I’ve been thinking about all this media circus and what really matters in life, bee. It got me thinking that I never want to be somebody who does something to get attention or have it be in the public spotlight. And I’m not talking about sharing our relationship in microbial size pieces. I’m talking about other things that life should be made of. I’d love to go work in a soup kitchen on Thanksgiving or at the homeless shelter, but not so the media could photograph us doing that. Does that make sense?”

“I think so. I mean, I get it, but what context are we talking about all of this?”

“Well, I thought that I would like to start a family holiday tradition the week before Thanksgiving called ‘Thanks Giving,’ with a space in the middle. Like a thank you to the universe for how blessed we are. And every day from Sunday until the next Sunday of Thanksgiving week, we’d pick a charity we could help anonymously. Nobody can ever know it’s us, _ever_. I don’t want to do it for tax reasons, PR reasons, or any other reason except that we can get outside of ourselves, bee. Look at everything we spent the last four days dealing with? None of it matters. People are out there hurting, hungry, and homeless. We can do something about it—and I think an important part of that is not having anyone know we are doing something about it.” 

Kurt is so busy watching his waffles and talking while he starts making the cinnamon butter that he misses the tear that is silently sliding down the corner of Blaine’s eye and the look of reverence and awe he has on his face as he gazes at Kurt.

Kurt realizes that Blaine has been silent too long and looks over as he licks some sugar off of his finger. “What? Bee?” he doesn't understand Blaine’s expression at all.

“Baby, do you have any idea how having you in the world makes it a better place already? None of us deserve you, but we’re lucky you put up with us anyway. I think this sounds like the most extraordinary idea ever, and I love that it will be anonymous. There wouldn’t be any ego in it all, stripped of all exterior motives. I love you so much, Sunshine. You have no idea how much I love you.” 

“I love you, too, and you can stop with all that nonsense about me. I’m just a guy trying to do what’s right, just like you. You already do so much generous work in the community. I know you do. This would be just for us, for our family, to take time to be grateful and take a minute to reevaluate and make sure that we aren’t losing track of what is important to us each year.” 

“Well, I’m all for it, honey. Did you have some places in mind?”

“Well, I think we should talk about it—eight charities is a lot, so I’m sure we can both pick some we’re passionate about, but my first two choices would be Toys for Tots, my grandpa was a Marine, and the LGBT+ teen shelter. We could also include a food bank, yeah?”

“Sounds perfect! Let’s snuggle into the couch, eat these delicious waffles, watch some Fantastic Mr. Fox, and shop for toys. I bet we could have them shipped right to the donation center.” 

“Oh! That would be fun! I was thinking we should see if we can find an independent toy shop. Do you think there are any left in Manhattan? We could support them and the Tots program all at the same time.” 

“Genius, love. Am I allowed to get excited about shopping for toys? We can be excited to do the thing as long as it stays anonymous, right?” Blaine is beaming as he thinks about picking out toys and books for kids all over the city.

“Of course!”

\------------------

The end credits of the movie are rolling in the background, sticky plates lay forgotten on the coffee table for now. “Mmmm, thank you, my Honey Bee,” Kurt sighs into Blaine’s mouth.

Blaine laughs, “For the makeout session or the shopping spree we just went on?”

“Yes,” Kurt nuzzles his neck. “I enjoyed both, and you were incredibly generous. Love you.”

“Love you, too, Sunshine. I’m very excited to do this every night.”

Now it’s Kurt’s turn to laugh, “The makeout session or the shopping sprees for good causes?”

“Yes,” Blaine replies with a smirk. 

“We’re ridiculous.”

“We are, but we should be ridiculous while we get the dishes done and have our Sunday conversation. It’s my turn to ask the question, and I have two! Shall we, Mr. Hummel?” he says as he climbs out of Kurt’s lap and reaches a hand out to help him up.

They start working on the dishes. This time, it’s Blaine’s turn to dry. “Alright, so the first question, and I’m terrified to ask you—terrified!” Blaine fake shudders and puts a mock horrified look on his face. The problem is that it quickly turns real, and Kurt notices it. 

“Okay—I’m ready, honey. You okay?”

“Well, umm. My family has obviously heard the news, and my mom called me earlier to see if it was true, which I told her it was—and she—they. She. Umm. They are going to be at their home here in NYC this weekend for Thanksgiving, and they—”

“Oh my gosh, Blaine, out with it already! Just tell me. You are going to give me a heart attack!”

“They want to go out to lunch on Friday. Take us out to lunch.” He lets out a long exhaled breath, waiting for Kurt’s reaction, eyeing him carefully.

Kurt’s eyes are wide. His knees feel weak and he feels slightly nauseous. “Is there a reason you thought you could tell me that while you weren’t holding me up? I think I’m going to faint.” 

Blaine rushes to his side and hugs him tightly for a moment before pulling away to talk. “We don't have to go, Kurt. They invited us for Thanksgiving, and I said absolutely not. We already decided that it was ‘us’ time. But... she caught me off guard about Friday. And… baby, we don't have to go if you aren’t ready.”

“Oh, I’m not even kind of ready. But I don't think I’ll ever be,” Kurt says, and Blaine tenses in his arms. “No, sorry that isn't what I mean, Blaine. I just meant, this is your family. It’s like, it’s like a lot of pressure. I want them to like me. I want to be yours forever, and I don’t want to be the reason that they can’t see you or something because they don’t like me or—” 

“They are going to love you, Kurt. And I’ve told you before. I feel like now that I feel like I have a family of _my own_ , it will be easier to be around them. Now that I have someone I know will be on my side? I’ve never had that—”

Kurt cuts in, “What do you mean you’ve never had that? Didn’t Connor ever hang out with your family? Or any of your earlier boyfriends from your twenties? Surely you’ve had other guys' support you with your family?”

“Oh, Kurt, I don’t think I can possibly express to you how much I worked in my twenties. I was hell-bent on making my career everything. Trying to prove myself, maybe? I don’t know, but I worked so much. So no, there were no 'meet the parents' situations from college until now—except Connor. And my family was at best, tolerant of him. My mom didn’t like him all that much, I don’t think. And of course, my dad, well—I’ve told you about his polite indifference. 

"But Connor used to take every opportunity to, I don't want to use the words ‘pick on me’ but they all sort of did, I can’t explain it. It was all so subtle. I never felt good about myself around all of them together. I always thought it was because I was on high alert because I knew Connor didn’t like them. He tolerated them for my sake the way they tolerated him. I was always in knots about it. So we only saw them maybe eight to ten times in the whole five years we were together?”

“Blaine, I—”

“We don’t have to go, Kurt,” Blaine cuts him off. He’s not sure he can handle the rejection of Kurt saying no to going. He’s emotional all of a sudden, realizing once again how blind he was to Connor’s manipulation. He’s feeling vulnerable. 

Kurt takes the towel from Blaine’s hands to dry the soapy water off of his own and sets it on the counter so he can scoop Blaine up into his arms. “Shhhhhh. Okay, baby. I can see how upset you are, sweetheart. I just wanted to remind you that you are a different person now than you were then. I could see where your mind was going. Today you’d make different choices, you _are_ making different choices, and Connor is gone from your life, honey. Okay? It’s our turn, remember? You get your happy ending? You, me, our wide shot at the end, a fade to black. Remember?”

Blaine nods against his shoulder. 

“And fanfiction, baby. You can’t forget the fanfiction,” he laughs but then takes a deep breath. 

“You’re right. Thank you for reminding me. I did get caught up in some old feelings there.”

“It’s understandable. Blaine. What I was going to say a minute ago was that I would love to meet your family. I just needed a minute to get used to the idea. You kind of sprung it on me. You’re right. We are a family now, and I want them to see you in a loving family, and your loving family is me. I want to support you in this, and selfishly, very selfishly, it’s one of the things on our list that has to happen before we can get engaged.” 

Blaine looks up at him with a huge smile on his face, “That’s true! That sort of makes it better somehow. Can I kiss you silly now for being the best future fiancé a man ever had?”

“You can always kiss me for being the best future fiancé a man ever had! Although, if I had my wish, you’d never not be kissing me. But that isn’t really practical.”

Blaine nuzzles his five o'clock shadow across Kurt’s cheek, “I’ll do my best to make your wish come true, though,” as he slots their lips together, and the dishes are forgotten. 

\------------------------------

The problem with dreading something is it makes each minute tick by holding eternity in each second, but then all too soon, it descends upon you, and you have to face it. Kurt is looking out the window. This had been one of the most life-changing weeks of his life, and now he was about to meet Blaine’s family. It’s not that he’s dreading it as much as he’s hoping it goes perfectly, and nothing ever goes perfectly. He wants so badly for Blaine to feel at home in his own family, and Kurt hopes that maybe he can help ease that tension in the future. 

_The future. Wow. The future. If this doesn't count towards moving towards the future, I can’t imagine whatever will._

He shivers slightly, and Blaine, lost in his own thoughts looking out the other window, squeezes his hand. 

His mind goes back to Sunday, deciding he didn’t have enough energy to explain to Rachel on the phone or via text. They decided they’d get together the Monday after the holiday in their version of “Friendsgiving.” It had been too long since they caught up. He found that he was excited to see her, now that he could be more open about his relationship.

Then his thoughts drift back to Monday when he told his dad just how serious he and Blaine were and that he was officially, officially moving in. He had given up the lease on his apartment, and Blaine had hired movers for the first Saturday in December to get the rest of his stuff. He told him about their list of things they were working on because they wanted to get engaged as soon as possible, but they were also trying to be responsible adults about it. Burt and Carole both got teary when they realized that Kurt would probably be married by next Thanksgiving. 

Then Tuesday. His heart still skips a few beats when he thinks about it. The nerves he felt as he walked into the Vogue building. The ripples of fear shooting up his spine, wondering how he would be judged. Nausea in his stomach, making him second guess his decision. But as the elevator took him up to his floor, he listened to his heart, which was at peace even within a body at war with his mind. _Follow your heart, Kurt._ It was the first time he’d heard something new from that soulbond connection within him in awhile. It brought a strange sense of comfort. 

He had gone straight to Isabelle’s office and asked if he could speak to her privately. 

“Of course, darling. What’s wrong? You look like someone just told you Marc Jacobs closed up shop.”

Kurt shut the door behind him. Giving her a small smile and sat down in the chair in front of her desk, crossing his ankles and fidgeting with his hands in his lap. 

“I wanted to start by telling you how amazing you are and how grateful I am that you took a chance on a kid from Lima, Ohio, who had a fashion blog that no one ever looked at but you when I sent in my application.” He chuckles a nervous laugh. “But I also know you appreciate it when people just get to the point.”

She laughs at him, “You know me so well. And taking a chance on you is one of the best decisions I’ve ever made. What’s wrong, darling? Are you afraid to tell me you're leaving us for good?”

Kurt takes a sharp inhale of breath and looks up at her in shock. 

“Oh, please, sweetheart. You are too good for this place, to be working as an assistant to me? That isn’t what you truly want.”

“You don’t think I’m crazy then?”

“No, you should dream. You should dream very, very big, and then you should work incredibly hard and make sure you do everything in your power to make it happen. I’m so proud of you, Kurt. Don’t you think I knew the moment you told me about the job at the studio that you gushed about a few weeks ago that it wasn’t tailor-made for you? It’s brilliant. You were in deep denial about how much you wanted it. But you were so alive, Kurt. The passion in your eyes was burning bright. And I knew then we’d be saying goodbye to you soon. You always follow your heart.”

“I’m worried sometimes what people will think about me going to work with him. I know it doesn’t matter, but all this publicity stuff is hard to ignore, you know. It’s my first week dealing with it, and I’m running off to work with him. It’s a lot. But I know—I know deep in my heart it’s where I’m supposed to be. It feels like everything I’ve experienced, everything I’ve worked for, has led me to this moment, you know? I think Blaine and I can make a difference. I want to make a difference.” 

“Oh Kurt, darling, you make a difference everywhere you go. You will be amazing. Don’t let the media get you down. You, of all people, know how it works. You’ve seen it from this side of the magazine for five years. It's all fake, and you know it. Be true to who you are as you always have been and ignore the vultures out there.”

“Do you think I’m ready to do this?” Kurt asks sincerely, he truly values her opinion, and he knows she’ll be honest.

“You’ve been bossing us around for five years. I think you’re ready for this even if I’m not ready to lose you. We’ll be lost without you. And I only say that from a place of love, you know that. There is no guilt to be had here. I want you to fly, Kurt. You were born to fly,” she says and wipes a tear in the corner of her eye. “Oh, now see? Look what you’ve done. Come on, give us a hug and then get out there and start writing me up a list of the fifty million things you do that aren’t in your job description. Most of which I probably am not even aware you do to keep this place from falling down around us.” 

They hug tighter and longer than they ever have. The friendship they share is an unexpected blessing in their lives. Kurt needed an adult who accepted him, and she needed someone who trusted her without wanting anything in return. Plus, Kurt is just a damn good assistant, and she’s going to miss him more than she’ll ever admit.

“You know the truth of it is that any doors I could open for you in the future will be easier now that you don’t work directly for me. And I want you to know that I’ll always count you as one of my dearest friends. This isn’t any sort of goodbye, alright? Let’s not forget seven years ago this week I was celebrating Thanksgiving with you in Bushwick, Kurt!” They both burst out laughing, and they give each other knowing looks. Everything is as it should be. Kurt was not meant to stay there forever and his dreams are calling. 

His mind comes back to the here and now. He smiles as he looks over at Blaine, who’s still lost in thought, looking out his side of the window. Of course, it brings his mind to Wednesday when they went to the third of their four joint counseling sessions because their regular Friday appointment was moved due to the holiday. 

It has been a beautiful experience for both of them. They shared all their concerns about the media fallout with her. They couldn't help but notice the smiles that would come over her face as she watched them get closer and closer to each other on the couch in her office until they were cuddled up, finding comfort in each other. They talked about some of the issues that could come up in the future with Kurt working in the same place as Blaine, but it was decided they’d tackle that topic when they started couples counseling in January. 

Even though his last day at Vogue would be mid-December, he wasn’t starting his new job until mid-January. Blaine was adamant that Kurt take a month off to decompress after being in school his entire life. And of course, Blaine was planning a trip for the two of them. He refused to share the details. Dr. Everly asked Kurt if he was genuinely upset about it or if he was teasing as part of the build-up and the game of it? Which, of course, was the truth. He hates surprises, but secretly he was ecstatic that Blaine loved him enough to plan a surprise vacation for them both that he was willing to let it go.

He keeps staring at Blaine for a few minutes. _He is so hella gorgeous I can’t even wrap my mind around it sometimes._ _I’m such a lucky man. I don’t even know how it was all meant to be, but I’m so glad it was. I love him so much._

His thoughts turn to yesterday, their first Thanksgiving together. They had planned to spend as much time wrapped up in each other as they possibly could. Usually, responsibilities were calling. Even though they made time for each other every night, the looming 6:00 AM alarm was still hanging over their heads, and it was hard to relax even though what they shared together was beautiful.

Even on the weekends, Kurt had mountains of homework and projects that demanded his attention. But yesterday, they tried to let that all go and had no expectations except to eat a home-cooked meal together (and even that was optional when it came down to it) and never get out of bed if they didn't want to. And they didn’t want to until way past lunchtime. 

He thinks about how naughty they felt when they lay naked tangled up in their sheets together, writing up their first Instagram post. They had taken the photo they would post before they went to counseling the day before. So they laid there and thought about what they wanted to say. In the end, they went for simple and to the point, “Together is a wonderful place to be.”

Blaine loaded the picture, his finger lingering over the post button with a simple question, “You sure, baby?” 

Kurt rolled over and kissed his cheek and nuzzled into his neck, “I’m sure.” 

So he hit the button and closed out Instagram with a promise they wouldn’t open it again, no matter what. Then they celebrated precisely as they should have, with words of adoration and love, kissed into each other’s skin while their bodies found a beautiful rhythm of gratitude for each other.

Kurt squeezes Blaine’s hand and blushes. It won’t do him any good to get all worked up now, thinking about everything they did yesterday. 

“Honey?” It’s the first word they’ve spoken since they got in the car, but Kurt knows they're almost there.

“Yeah, sweetheart?” Blaine shakes himself from his thoughts, and Kurt wonders what he’s been thinking about.

“You okay?”

“Yeah,” he blushes. A sweet warming pink spreads across his cheeks. “I was lost in thoughts of yesterday. It was helping me keep my mind off things.” 

“ _Mmmhhm_. Me too, but I had to stop because I don’t want to be all worked up when we step out of the car in three minutes.”

“You’re a smarter man than I am,” Blaine nods down to his lap, and Kurt lets out a small chuckle and rolls his eyes.

“Well, in those jeans, you better think about something awful real quick.” 

“Oh, trust me, I’m already on my way, _uhhh_ down? Reality has caught up with me.”

“You know what, honey? I think we’re working up ourselves over nothing. Either this is going to go spectacularly well, or nothing will change, right? I mean, you’ve said your parents are usually just indifferent. It’s not like they're going to disown you or something over me, right?”

“Yeah, I guess so.”

“Let’s have fun despite them? Let’s go be us in public and hold hands and not apologize for who we are or how or why we love each other. We can now, you know that? The people in our life will support us or they won’t, that is _their_ choice. Let’s not let them dictate who or what we are together, Blaine. Remember, you told me it’s okay for us to be happy. It’s our turn. We have nothing to prove. I’m sorry I’ve been so worked up about it. I probably haven’t helped you, but somehow here in the eleventh hour, I feel strong. We’ve got this because we’ve got each other.”

The only thing Blaine can think to do is lean over and dive in for a kiss. Kurt says the most magical things, and he needs to kiss those beautiful lips that make everything better. 

“Baby, if you mess up my hair I’m never speaking to you again, though,” Kurt says as he pulls away for a second. Blaine laughs and makes a show of putting his hands under his thighs, so he’s sitting on them so he can’t mess up Kurt’s clothes or hair. But that makes kissing hard because they’re both smiling so big, so they give up and pull away.

“You look gorgeous, Sunshine. I wouldn’t want to mess you up, I promise.” He pecks Kurt on the nose. And then look at each other with wide eyes because the car has stopped. It’s time. 

As they enter the restaurant, Blaine spots his parents immediately. They are already sitting at a booth in the corner, and his mother waves to him. For a moment, Kurt’s breath catches in his chest. Blaine’s mother is beautiful. He’s seen pictures, of course, but they do her no justice whatsoever. They make their way over to the table, and Kurt wonders if he’s going to have a hand by the time they get there. Blaine is squeezing him so hard.

“Mom, Dad, it’s nice to see you.” He hugs his mother as she had stood up. He shakes his father’s hand, who is still sitting in the booth, awkwardly blocked in. 

“I’d love to introduce you to Kurt Hummel, my boyfriend. Kurt, this is my mother, Pam, and my father, Edward.” 

Kurt extends to each of them, “It’s wonderful to meet the people who raised such an incredible son,” he says sincerely. He slides into the booth first, and Blaine follows in after him, squeezing his thigh under the table in a silent thank you.

“We’re excited to meet you, too, Kurt.”

They are interrupted by the waitress taking their drink and appetizer order. After she leaves, they spend the next few minutes picking out their entrées. Once they have their food ordered, Blaine's dad decides he’ll start the conversation back up.

“So Kurt, tell me, did you go to college? Are you in college?”

“Yes, sir, I have a Bachelor's in Performance Arts from NYADA, and I’m going to graduate in three weeks from Parsons with a second Bachelor’s degree in Fashion Design and Illustration.”

“How old are you?” Edward asks, confused.

“Dad!” Blaine says, exasperated. 

“Honey, it’s okay.” He rubs circles on the back of Blaine’s hand under the table and turns to look at Edward, “I’m twenty-four, but I took every spring and summer semester of college I could, so it only took me three and half years to get each of my degrees.” 

“Impressive. Sounds like you’ve got ambition, young man. What do you plan on doing with those degrees then? They don’t sound easily employable, do they?”

Blaine takes a deep breath and sighs loudly, making it known he’s irritated. _Well, alrighty then, Dad is just going to go for the jugular. He’s not holding anything back today. This should be fun. But damn if Kurt isn’t handling it well._

Kurt smiles at the corner of his mouth so that Blaine can see it. Because if there is one thing Kurt knows how to do, it’s be a diva in the best way possible. Add in the rather extensive experience he’s had dealing with the likes of Rachel Berry and a lifetime of bullies. This isn't even a challenge. Blaine’s dad seems to be the kind of guy who wants to be impressed. So Kurt is going to lay it on thick. He takes a moment to study Edward’s face, making direct eye contact, searching to be sure he’s taking the right approach. He takes a deep breath. He’s got this.

“Oh, what can’t I do? I think that is the question!” Kurt laughs like the world is his oyster. He refuses to be intimidated. “I’m very excited to graduate. I've been working at Vogue under this assistant editor, Isabelle Wright, for more than five years. It’s been wonderful to meet so many people in the industry. I’d also like to do a Broadway show now that I’m done with school. In fact, my good friend, Rachel Berry is the star of Funny Girl. They've been begging me to come in for a new show they’re working on (which is true), so maybe I will soon. Countertenors are hard to come by, so I’m lucky there.

"But, what I’m most excited about is that there is this incredible music production company here in New York that just hired me to head a new department,” he does his little shoulder shimmy, and everyone laughs. Blaine squeeze’s Kurt’s leg again under the table—he’s so proud of him right now he might burst. 

Kurt barely takes a breath and continues, “It's an in-house design position where we will be designing and constructing clothes for concerts and shows. I’ll also be a stylist for New York’s up and coming music artists. Plus, on top of all that, this company is a huge support in the LGBT+ community. They are making a difference in the lives of youth all over New York and beyond. As a thriving survivor of some of the trauma that can happen to some of these kids, I’m beyond thrilled to be able to be a small part of giving back. I want to make a difference. I start in January.”

Kurt turns to leave a lingering kiss on Blaine’s temple, then takes a sip of his Diet Coke as if he didn’t have a care in the world. 

Blaine’s dad has a curious look on his face like he’s not sure quite what to make of Kurt. Blaine can relate to that look. When he first met Kurt, he was so taken aback by his mix of personalities all rolled into one: confident, diva-esque, ambitious, wickedly clever, hilarious, humble, and at least ten other things. 

Blaine’s mom gives Blaine a questioning look, and he smiles at her. She decides to take the bait. “Our Blainey has a production company and works with charities here in New York.” 

Kurt looks over at her, and then he looks at Blaine with the proudest, loving look on his face. “Indeed, he does. I’ve never been so proud of anyone in my life as I was when I walked into his studio for the first time. He’s a genius in his field. I couldn’t believe how much of the music I love has been touched in some way by Blaine’s hard work. But I digress, of course, you know what an insanely gifted man your son is!” He laughs brightly. “Sorry I get carried away when talking about his talents. They inspire me so much.”

“Any chance this production company you’re going to work at is Courage Production Studio?” Pam asks with a grin.

“Why, yes, it is!” Kurt beams. She smirks and looks between Kurt and her son, and for the first time since Blaine came out to them, she has hope that he can have a happily ever after. The way Kurt looks at him, it’s heartwarming. And the way Blaine looks at him? She’s never seen him look at anyone like that. 

“Is that just another way for you to get into Blaine’s money, then?” Edward mutters disgusted under his breath, but it’s not quiet enough, and everyone hears it. Blaine goes red, and he’s about to open his mouth to say something much too loud, but they are all saved by the food arriving. The waitress is entirely oblivious to the fact that she just stopped a family confrontation just in time. After the food is distributed and she’s assured they are fine and don’t need anything else at the moment, Kurt squeezes Blaine's thigh and decides to jump in and speak before he can.

“I must say, Edward, you bring up a very valid point. I understand where you are coming from.” Everyone, even Edward looks at him with surprised shock on their face. Kurt turns to Blaine, “I mean right, Honey Bee? How many times have we had this discussion?” They get lost in each other's eyes for just a second, giving each other courage. 

Kurt turns back to look at Blaine’s dad, once again making confident eye contact. “The number one reason I didn't want to take the job was because I have never wanted Blaine’s money, ever. So this was an extremely difficult, soul-searching decision. We went through a lot to get here. There were countless hours of conversations about it.

"But when I looked at the future, there was nowhere else I wanted to be. This job has everything I love—music, fashion, making a difference, and Blaine. And even if everyone else will never understand, if some people will never see me as more than an opportunist or gold digger, _I_ know how hard I work. I know that I will be putting my heart and soul into every project I do, just as I have at Vogue, just like I would no matter where I work. I’m proud to be a mechanic's son. My dad instilled in me the importance of working hard and the satisfaction and pride of a job well done. There are few things I value more than that. I have the talent, skills, and credentials for the position. I’m worth what I’m getting paid, and I won’t be made to feel ashamed of that.” 

Blaine turns and kisses Kurt’s cheek, the first affection he has ever shown in front of his parents since he came out to them. He doesn’t even think about that when he does it. He wanted to kiss Kurt, so he did. It was that simple. 

“And at the risk of monopolizing this conversation,” he twirls his fork in the air a few times, “geez, I can be so long-winded. I want you to know that I didn't have a clue who Blaine was when I fell in love with him. And maybe he’s already told you this, but on our very first date, I signed an impromptu prenuptial napkin, stating that I didn’t want then nor would I ever want Blaine’s money. I hear there is a litany of lawyers ready for me to sign the dotted line, and I’m more than okay with that. In fact, I asked to sign them before Blaine ever told me about them. It’s okay if you don’t believe me or that it might take some time to build up a level of trust in me where Blaine’s money is concerned. But I can assure you that Blaine and I would be just as happy in Ohio eating at McDonald’s as we are sitting here in a fancy restaurant in New York.”

Blaine turns to Kurt and says, “Sunshine, be serious. You could never be happy eating at McDonald’s.” Everyone at the table starts laughing heartily. 

“That’s true, but I would for you.”

“I know you would, sweetheart. Thank you.” He kisses his temple and wraps an arm around his waist, giving him a half hug.

Kurt eats a couple of bites of his food. _Have we gotten through all the hard, awkward questions? Was that enough for today? I hope I wasn’t too much, but I’m not backing down to him. Blaine is too wonderful to feel like he doesn’t matter. He’s everything to me._

The conversation turns to small talk while everyone finishes their food. They ask Kurt about Lima and his family. Blaine's mother was noticeably upset when Kurt mentioned he had lost both his mother and brother. But then, he has everyone in a fit of giggles telling them about a disastrous oil change at his dad's shop one summer that he and Finn may or may not have been involved in—which included an exploding soda and the bubble gum machine. 

But mostly they talk about New York and the holiday hustle and bustle. Blaine’s dad seems like he’s contemplating something, though. His mind somewhere else entirely. 

After they decide to order coffee and hot chocolate with some warm pie for dessert, Blaine’s dad seems to find his voice again while they wait. 

“Blaine, Kurt, it seems I owe you two an apology.” 

Blaine’s eyebrows shoot all the way up, and his jaw drops in shock. That is not something he thinks maybe he’s ever heard from his dad’s mouth.

“I came here determined to put a stop to this relationship, despite promising my wife I wouldn’t—which I’ll apologize to her later.” 

Kurt notes how he looks at her sheepishly and realizes that this man is probably a giant teddy bear at home when it’s just him and Pam.

“I was prepared to hound you two into the ground with questions and show Blaine what a mistake he was making. Pam and I never liked Connor, but we kept our mouths shut because we thought that was best, and I regret it. 

"Now, I regret how I handled today. I’m sorry, son, and I’m sorry, Kurt. After watching the two of you today and how Kurt handled himself, not backing down, standing up to me firmly, but politely, well—I think you two might be alright. And in the future, I’ll try to control myself better. Blaine, I know I haven’t been the best father to you. I do love you, son, and if you are happy, your mother and I are happy for you.”

Blaine can’t help it. Tears are streaming down his face. He’s squeezing Kurt’s hand under the table. It’s everything he’s ever wanted to hear from his dad and never has. It’s an apology, and an “I love you” wrapped up in humility. The warmth of it floods Blaine’s body. He can feel the fissures start to close—like the words are stitches on a wound that needs to be bound so it can start to heal. 

“Thank you, Dad. That means everything to me. You have no idea. I—I love you, too,” he chokes out for the first time since he came out to him. His dad nods once in his direction.

When the beverages and pie come not a second later, the waitress pretends not to notice that everyone at the table is teary-eyed and sniffly. She does her best to distribute everything out and scurry off. 

They collect themselves and turn to less emotional topics for the duration of dessert. Kurt asked questions about Edward's work and how he split his time between Ohio and New York. He told Pam all about this new organic lotion he found when she said something about how dry her hands were from the freezing cold weather, and he promised to text her the information after they exchanged numbers. It was delightful and comfortable and was the first of many beautiful memories with the Andersons, Kurt hoped. 

\------------------------------

Once they say goodbye to Blaine’s parents and are safely enclosed in the town car with tinted windows and the privacy shield up between them and the driver, Blaine is all over Kurt in an instant. 

“Oh, freaking hell, Kurt. I’ve been hard so many times! You were so hot!” He tries to get out through kissing Kurt’s neck and frantically unbuttoning his shirt. He needs to leave a new mark on Kurt’s skin, like ten minutes ago. “The way—you stood up for yourself—that diva attitude you pulled out, I wanted to drag you into a bathroom stall and have you up against the wall.”

Kurt moans loudly at that. Apparently, that is a kink he should add to his ever-growing list because that sounded like the best idea ever. “You can’t just say stuff like that to me, Blaine Blaine! Dammit! Baby, I’m, I’m, I need—” Kurt is making quick work of Blaine’s tight as sin jeans as he leans over.

Before Blaine even knows what’s happening, Kurt has gone down on him, and it’s glorious. He seems just as ravenous as Blaine feels. He’s not even trying to make this last. He’s doing everything Blaine loves in quick succession and with as much fervor as he can. He swirls his tongue around the head while rubbing his thumb down the vein on the underside of his cock, then swallows him down again. He’s getting so much better at taking more of his length. He sucks hard a few times and then repeats the process twice before Blaine has two hands on Kurt’s head, pulling his hair.

“Oh myyyyyy, Ku—Kur,” Blaine realizes too late he should at least try to be quiet. But he’s coming down Kurt’s throat, and Kurt is making all kinds of noises like he wants more. It’s so hot that it makes Blaine wonder if he’s just going to stay hard. He’s breathing erratically; his heart is pounding in his chest. Looking down at a lap full of Kurt on him, he’s damn sure he could come again if they had the time. He is still so turned on. He feels Kurt experimentally sucking on him again. Kurt is probably just as surprised as he is. This situation is usually reversed. But Blaine tugs him up, “Baby, please, kiss me, please!” 

Kurt dives into his mouth in a deep, warm, salty kiss. While kissing him, Kurt gently tries to get Blaine put back together and tucked back in before they arrive home. This is definitely not a picture anyone needs to capture. Blaine reaches his hands back up to Kurt’s hair and does his best to smooth it out for him again. 

Blaine breaks away to look at Kurt. His eyes are dark and still full of want. “I’ll take care of you as soon as we get home, I promise. I was going to do that to you, but you beat me to it. That was unbelievable. Thank you.”

“ _Mmhhmmm_ , my pleasure. I feel so happy, Blaine. Now—less talking and more kissing,” Kurt dives back into his mouth.

\----~---------------------~---

And true to his word, a curly-haired man made sure to show Kurt just how much everything he had done for him today meant. And well—it was Kurt, so he actually showed him three times how much it meant. They were at it for hours. 

He smiles wide. It’s not the first time he’s realized what a crazy, wild ride it is to be in love with someone like Kurt in every aspect of his life.

He couldn’t believe that in just one dinner, Kurt had won his parents over wholly. _That isn’t true_. It’s Kurt. Of course, he could. 

Throughout their time together, Kurt has told Blaine so many different times how much he respected Blaine for treating everyone the same. He made people feel important and valuable, whether they were a CEO or a retail worker at the flea market. It was such a beautiful thing in Kurt’s mind. And if he’s honest about it, it did fill his heart that Kurt could see that in him, that is how he always wanted people to feel around him. 

But Kurt has another gift entirely. He’s able to look inside someone and see them, see past their pretenses, and find a way to make them feel seen. To make them feel like he understands them at the core of who they are instead of who they are portraying themselves as at any given moment. Just as Kurt had done with him that first night they went to dinner, and like Kurt had done tonight with his dad. He reached across years worth of heartache between father and son and showed Edward that he was also concerned about Blaine, assured him that he wasn’t after his money and that it was a valid argument. It changed everything. 

The future was so full of hope. He pulled the love of his life closer to him and whispered in his ear, “I’ll love you forever and ever, Sunshine.” Before he too drifted off to sleep.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warnings for this Chapter:** Blow job
> 
> **Authors Notes:**
> 
> For those of you who like the little details, this Chapter covers **November 23rd-27th**. 
> 
> \------  
> You can find artwork (and aesthetics aka "mood boards") and other related posts to this chapter on my Tumblr page [GleefulPoppet](https://gleefulpoppet.tumblr.com/), I'll be adding things over the next month. And I try to add the artwork to the chapter each night as well.
> 
> [Click Here to See Larger on Tumblr](https://gleefulpoppet.tumblr.com/post/633274199486726144/chapter-24-no-one-can-tell-us-were-wrong-posted)


	25. Storm Clouds May Gather

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Word Count: 9k+ ♥Here is a hug for you before we begin (((HUG))))♥ [Warnings can be found in the notes if you need them]

He’s screaming, but nothing is coming out. He knows he is trying to talk, but he can’t breathe. A nurse is holding him in her arms as tight as she can after he flung himself into her. She’s trying to calm him. Two police officers are there in his peripheral vision, trying to ask the most dreadful questions. He can’t process any of it. _This isn’t happening_. He needs Kurt. He can't focus on anything but Kurt. _Kurt! Kurt! Kurt! Why won’t they let me see him! Kurt! Oh, dear God, please let him be okay. Let me go. Let me see, Kurt!_

The nurse tries again, “Blaine, your name is Blaine, right? If you want to help Kurt, I need your help, okay?” She walks him over to a chair up against the wall and sits him down. She takes the chair next to him, turning it, so she’s sitting right in front of him. “Blaine, can you look at me?” He turns his head up slightly, but she’s so blurry, the smell of the hospital is making him dizzy. “Blaine, my name is Kati. I’m here to help you, okay?” Blaine nods.

“The young man you want to see his name is Kurt? Can you tell me his last name?”

“Hummel.” 

“Thank you, Blaine. Can you spell that for me?”

Blaine nods. “H-u-m-m-e-l.”

“And how do you know Kurt?”

“He's my fiancé or boyfriend, for now, I guess, but we’re getting married.”

“How wonderful, Blaine.” She keeps saying his name to keep him grounded.

“And does Kurt live with you?”

“Yes, he does.”

“Thank you, Blaine.”

“Does Kurt have any other family here locally?”

“No. His dad, I called his dad. His dad is coming. Carole, too.”

“Oh, did you? That’s good. Thank you, Blaine. Can you tell me his dad’s name?”

“Burt Hummel. He was a congressman from Ohio. He’s coming.”

“Thank you. Do you know where Kurt went tonight?”

“Yes, he went to dinner with his friend, Rachel Berry. But I don’t know where.”

“Do you know Rachel’s phone number, Blaine?”

“No, sorry. But it’s on Kurt’s phone.”

“Okay, thank you, Blaine. Do you remember that Kurt’s phone is lost? Do you know if there is another way we can get in touch with Rachel?”

“Broadway, Funny Girl. I really need to see Kurt. Why won’t you let me?”

“I know you do, Blaine. We’re doing all we can for him, and as soon as we can verify his identity and get him stable, we’ll see what we can do, okay?”

“Is he going to be okay, Kati? Please tell me he’s going to be okay. I love him!”

“Blaine, we’re doing all we can. Right now, I need you to do all you can to help him, okay?”

Blaine nods.

“Can you help me with a few more questions?”

Blaine nods.

“Do you have Kurt’s health insurance information or any legal documents with his name on it?”

“He—he was working on his passport. I have a PDF on my phone with the application. Would that help?”

“Yes, thank you, Blaine. Anything you have. Can you show me the PDF, and also, do you have some pictures of Kurt?”

Blaine pulls up his phone and searches through his Dropbox for their new household folder Kurt set up. Kurt, the world’s best intern. He opens it and shows it to her.

“Thank you, Blaine! Do you mind if I show this to the officer here?”

For the first time, Blaine realizes that one of the officers has been standing off to the side, listening and making notes the whole time. 

Blaine nods.

“Can we send a few of those pictures to the hospital for Kurt’s file to help identify him, Blaine?”

“Yes, of course.” 

Kati helps him email her a few pics so she can print them off on the copier.

“I don’t know what else to show you. But I can tell you what I can. He’s a student at Parsons. He is getting a Bachelor's degree in fashion. He has student medical insurance through the school program there. He has a lease in Bushwick but hasn’t stayed there in over a month. He was born May 27th in Lima, Ohio.”

“Perfect, Blaine. Thank you for helping Kurt.”

“If you want the juicy details of our relationship, it’s been all over the papers. Yeah, you can Google us,” he says with a dark, frustrated laugh. “Can you please, at least, can you please tell me what happened? Please!?”

“We’re not sure, Blaine, but someone hurt him. They took all his personal things, including his phone and wallet, so we can’t verify his identity right now,” Blaine nods. He already knew all of that. “But you helped him, Blaine. The information you gave us. We’ll get to work on it, okay?”

He simply nods again.

“Do you have someone you can call to come sit with you until Mr. Hummel Sr. gets here, Blaine?”

“What? Yes, I’ll... yeah, I can text Tina and Marley.”

“Okay, I’m going to get you some water while you text them, and I’ll be right back, alright?”

 _10:46 PM  
_ **B: Marley/Tina Kurt is in Mercy hospital, can’t see him. I’m not ok. Can you come?**

 _10:48 PM  
_ _M: I am already out the door, will call a taxi, be there as soon as I can_

 _10:51 PM  
_ _T: Mike and I will both be there ASAP. Stay strong. We’re all here for you  
_ _M: Keep texting if you need to talk, stay focused, Blaine, stay strong for Kurt_

 _10:52 PM  
_ **B: TY, but I think I need to close my eyes, in the emergency room triage/waiting area  
** _M: We’ll be there Blaine, hang in there_

“Here’s some water, Blaine.” He takes the flimsy paper cup from her, but his hand is shaking.

“Do they think I did this to him?’” he points his chin to the police officers. ”Is that why you won't let me see him?” Blaine chokes on the words as he says them. He feels like he’s going to be sick—again.

“Blaine, please try to understand we don’t know what happened. Alright? Let’s take this one step at a time. You’ve been very helpful. We can all see how upset you are. If you can stay strong, we can get this part done faster, alright. Let’s wait for your friends, okay?”

“Can I just shut my eyes, please?”

“Of course, you can stay right here. I’ll be at the nurses' station if you need anything.”

He shuts his eyes, trying to block out the horrible fluorescent lights. Tries to block out the noise of the emergency room. They brought him into the triage area when he was so upset, and he couldn’t get enough words out to help them figure out who Kurt was. He lays his head back against the wall, taking deep breaths. But flashes of the last forty-five minutes are racing through his mind.

_He’s lying on the couch, some of his music notebooks lie on the coffee table, acoustic guitar sitting in its stand. He’s feeling elated with some of the new song ideas he has. Kurt has not only brought so much love and passion into his life but with all the light has come an infusion of new ideas. Stories and metaphors, random words fill the pages. The reverie is broken when the house buzzer goes off, and his cell phone rings simultaneously._

_He answers the phone first and gets up to answer the house phone that only the apartment's front desk uses._

_“Hello,” he says on the phone._

_“Mr. Anderson, this is Trent from downstairs. I apologize for contacting you on your cell, and I buzzed your house phone, but there is an emergency.” Blaine feels his stomach and heart plummet to the floor. It’s Kurt. He knows it’s Kurt._

_“Trent. Tell me. Is it Kurt?”_

_“I’m not sure. We got a call from Mercy hospital. The only information they have is that a young man was taken to the hospital, and he gave them the name of the apartments and the name Blaine, and that's all. They are holding on the other line. I need permission from you to give them your direct phone number, sir.”_

_“Oh my god, yes! Give it to them now!” he hangs up and waits. When it rings again, he answers, “Hello, this is Blaine!”_

_“Hi Blaine, this is Dawn from Mercy Hospital. I’m sorry to contact you like this. We have a young man in the emergency room. The only information he could give us before he—” she hesitates. “He said ‘get Blaine’ and ‘Parkview Tower.’ We’re wondering if you might be able to give us any information? He doesn’t have a wallet or phone on him.”_

_Blaine’s entire world goes black. He manages to make it to the kitchen sink before he’s sick to his stomach. He quickly rinses his mouth out. He’s trying to make his voice work. “Kurt, oh my god, Kurt. Is he okay? Please tell me he is okay?” He’s already grabbing his wallet, jacket, and keys. “His name is Kurt Hummel. I need to call his dad. I’m on my way.” He hangs up. On further reflection, he should have stayed on and tried to help them with Kurt’s identity, but all he could think of was getting there as fast as he could and calling Burt once he’s in the taxi and told the taxi driver it’s an emergency._

_“Burt, I don’t know what’s going on, but Kurt is in the hospital emergency room. I’m sending you my credit card to take the first flight you can here. I don't care how much it costs. Kurt is going to need you, and Carole, too. Mercy hospital. I don’t know anything else. He didn't have a wallet or phone, so they are trying to...maybe you should call over there, too, but I am on my way. Please, we need you, Burt.”_

_“Blaine, we will be there as fast as we can. We can handle getting tickets. Don’t worry, but take a deep breath for me, okay, bud? Come on, Blaine, take a deep breath.”_

_“I can’t breathe. I can’t think, Burt. I love him so much. I need him. I can’t... I can’t... I love him, Burt! If he’s hurt so bad that he can’t even tell them his name? Buuuurrrrrrt!” he’s sobbing uncontrollably. He hears Burt tell Carole what’s going on in the background. He can hear them scrambling around, probably packing a few things._

_“Hi, honey, this is Carole. I’m going to stay on the line with you, okay? We’re grabbing a few things, and we’ll be there. Can you tell me what you see out the window?” He knows what she’s doing, and he appreciates it._

_“Lights, buildings, car, delivery driver, dog, so many lights. Carole, please tell me he’s going to be okay. I love him,” he’s not sobbing as hard, but he’s definitely alone and in shock._

_“Honey, we’ll get through this. Burt and I will be there as soon as we can. When you get to the hospital, they will help you. I think you’re in shock, honey. Try to get some help for yourself, too, okay?”_

He doesn’t remember hanging up with Carole or getting out of the taxi or how he ended up in Kati’s arms, but it brings him back to the present. He’s not sure how long he’s been resting his eyes but long enough that he feels a familiar hand slide into his. It’s Marley. She doesn’t say anything, and he doesn't open his eyes. A little while later, he hears Tina whispering to Marley, and her hand slides into his other one, and they sit quietly, waiting until Blaine is ready to talk. He vaguely hears the police officer ask Marley and Tina to talk to her one at a time. He knows she’s trying to piece the story together. 

“You don’t have to open your eyes, Blaine. You are doing so well, staying calm for Kurt. This is Kati. I just wanted to let you know that we were able to talk to Kurt’s father a little while ago, and he had his insurance information. With the pictures you gave us, the surgery room staff positively identified him as the same person, which has sped up everything—thank you, Blaine. He’s still in surgery, but they are doing everything they can for him, alright? You and your friends are welcome to stay right here. Let me know if you need anything.”

Blaine still can’t open his eyes or move, but he squeezes the girls’ hands tightly and says, “Thank you.” Eventually, he’s able to tell them the story of everything that’s happened up to this point. They’ve been back here for a couple of hours at least. The police officers are long gone but said they’d be back when Kurt was—ready, one of them almost said 'conscious.'

Hours go by. Coffee and snacks are handed to him and thrown away later, barely touched. He’s still silent. Eyes closed most of the time, tears streaming from the far corner of his eyes. He realizes that even if Kurt is out of surgery, they might not come to tell him. They have no idea who he is in relation to Kurt, but his word for it. They were barely able to piece together Kurt’s identity. 

He’s silently berating himself for not having Kurt’s medical information or one of those hospital visitation rights forms notarized, permitting Blaine to see Kurt on file. It’s one of those things that they were working towards, setting up their household together, but now that he needs it. He wonders why it wasn’t the most important thing they ever did.

Because you think that this kind of stuff can’t happen to you until it does, and definitely not before you’ve even been together for two months. _Seven weeks and four days is all we’ve had. Oh god, what if that is all we ever get?_ His brain unhelpfully supplies him. He just got himself calmed down. _Why are our minds such treacherous things?_

What seems like a millennia later, a doctor comes out to talk to Blaine. 

“I’m Doctor Bailey. You must be Blaine?”

Blaine looks up and says, “Yes,” and reaches out his hand. They shake. “Is Kurt going to be okay?”

“Kurt is in stable condition. We’ve moved him to the ICU for the night, but we can’t release any further medical information until we have a relative here. I know this must be very hard on you, but when there is a crime incident involved, our priority is to make sure the victim is safe and protected at all times. At the moment, we have Kurt in an induced coma, which is best for him, but it means he can’t give us his consent on what visitors he wants. You are welcome to stay here as long as you want. I understand his father is on his way as well?”

Blaine is silently crying again and nods yes.

“Once his father is here, we will get you moved to the ICU waiting rooms. But for now, hang tight here, alright? Kati tells me that she thinks you were in shock. If you feel like you need anything, you let her know? The nurses will let me know when Kurt’s father arrives, and then we’ll go from there. Thank you, Blaine. You were very helpful tonight.” He taps Blaine on the shoulder twice in a comforting gesture and then walks away.

This is his worst nightmare. He knew they wouldn’t let him see him, but he had hoped against hope that there was a chance. The thought of Kurt all alone in an ICU ward makes him shudder violently. A fresh wave of silent tears. He almost feels numb now, like a walking zombie.

Eventually, Marley decides that she’ll go to Blaine's loft and get him some fresh clothes, a phone charger, his iPad, and anything else he might need. Tina and Mike stay with him, simply sitting with him. No one feels the need to make small talk or assure him that everything will be okay when they don’t know if it will. Time is kept by the beeping of hundreds of machines in the surrounding triage rooms. By the time Marley gets back almost ninety minutes later, the sun is beginning to rise. Burt should be here by 7:00 AM if their flight wasn’t delayed or run into any heavy traffic.

\------------------------------

The moment he sees Burt and Carole walk into the emergency room, suitcases in tow, all the feelings, and emotions that had slowly been bleeding from him one tear at a time for the last nine hours come rushing back. He bolts from his chair and throws himself into Burt’s arms. It feels like everything he always thought a dad’s hug should feel like. He’s never met the man in person, but he’d recognize that kind, honest, strong face anywhere in any crowd. He feels loved by him, and he needs him.

“It’s going to be okay, bud. Just hang in there.”

“They won’t let me see him. I’m nobody to him on paper, Burt. It’s torture! They won’t let me see him! They will only talk to you. They are waiting for you.”

“Alright, good. Let’s get this sorted then, okay. Why don’t you sit with Carole for a minute, and I’ll see if I can get us back to see Kurt?” 

Apparently, being Kurt’s dad and a former congressman gets you places. Before he knows what’s happening, their entire party is moved to the main hospital and given a family waiting room in the ICU. They leave Carole, Tina, Mike, and Marley; only two visitors are allowed in the room at a time, so Burt and Blaine go first.

Nothing can prepare Blaine for the way his body reacts to seeing Kurt laying there in a hospital bed hooked up to oxygen, IV drip in his arm, a heart monitor on his finger, a bandage that wraps around one side of his neck, and cuts all over his beautiful face. It takes every ounce of self-control he has to not crawl up into the bed with him. He’s not so sure he won’t do it at any minute. He’s shaking, chills running up his spine in rolling waves, his knees are weak. He reaches over and grips Burt’s hand for strength, trying not to let out the blood-curdling scream that is hot magma inside of his lungs.

He walks over to the bed and kneels down, resting his head on Kurt’s shin and holding his hand that doesn't have the monitor on it. “I love you, Sunshine. I’m right here, baby. I love you so much.”

Right when Burt is about to pull a chair over for Blaine to sit in, Doctor Bailey walks into the room to give them the update they’ve been waiting for. He introduces himself to Burt, and Blaine is about ready to lose it. Can they be done with the niceties already? He's been here for almost ten hours now. He wants answers. But he doesn’t move. He doesn’t get up from kneeling on the floor, doesn’t even turn his head. Kurt is all that matters, and now that he’s here, he's not leaving. He’s not leaving without Kurt by his side. 

“Kurt should only be here in ICU for the night. We’re watching for swelling on his brain. He was hit with a blunt object at the base of his neck and lower skull area multiple times, which required stitches. You’ll see the bandage there. We think maybe it was a brick from the residue that was on his skin. We’re not sure until Kurt can tell us what happened.” 

Blaine is doing everything he can to remain calm. The visual images going through his mind are making him sick to his stomach again. 

“He’s got some severe bruising on his right side. There were a few lacerations, but they were all relatively shallow, just a few stitches there and then, of course, what you see on his face. More bruising will show itself over the next few days. Considering what could have gone wrong, he was fortunate. I know that sounds wrong with his injuries, but that head wound was so close to being so much worse. When he was brought in, that is what we were most worried about since he wasn’t conscious we weren’t sure of the extent. He’s probably got a severe concussion as well, so we’ll monitor him. We need to do some more tests tomorrow, but as long as there isn’t swelling, he can move to a regular room tomorrow, and then we’ll go from there, alright?”

“Thank you, Doctor,” Burt says, shaking his hand again. “Also, I just want to make sure that everyone who is treating my son knows that Blaine is welcome here. And if he doesn't want to leave, no one should ask him to, is that understood?” he says firmly with authority in his voice. “I appreciate you were trying to protect my son before he was able to speak for himself, but Kurt will heal a million times faster if Blaine is here. These two goofballs can’t be separated for more than a few hours or the world might come to an end.” Burt chuckles when Blaine looks up at him and gives him a half-grin before laying his head back down on Kurt. 

“Thank you, Burt and Blaine. We appreciate what Blaine did to help us with Kurt. The patient is always our first priority, though, so thank you for understanding why we followed procedure.” Burt just nods.

As the doctor leaves, Burt pulls up a chair for Blaine and insists that he sits in it before his knees bruise. “How much trouble do you think I’ll get in if I climb up in this bed with him?” Blaine asks with a dark laugh. 

Burt chuckles, “Well, maybe you better wait until he’s out of ICU, bud. Wouldn’t want to set that heart monitor off and have nurses descend on you. I’m going to give you a while to be alone with him. And then can Carole and I have a few? I bet you’d like to change and brush your teeth, get freshened up. Maybe you can try to eat something now that we know we’ve got hours before they’re going to let him wake up?”

“Thank you, Burt. Yes, if I could stay for a little while. I, my—heart, I need—him, Burt. I know it’s strange but that the tether, the bond, between us didn’t like being separated from him forcefully like that. I just—I—need to be near him for a while.”

“Bud, I get it. Kurt’s mom was my soulmate, no question. Maybe that’s a thing with Hummels, we find our other perfect half. My parents were like that, too. And I got lucky twice, even though it wasn’t quite the same as it was with Elizabeth, Carole is wonderful, and I knew the moment I met her we’d be together, too.”

“You did?” Blaine looks up at Burt with a sincere gaze.

“I did. And I want you to know that if this incident speeds up any plans that you and Kurt may have been secretly brewing and stewing about, Carole and I support you two with what you decide. I know how much you love my son, Blaine. I have never seen Kurt so at peace.”

Blaine looks at Burt like he handed him the world on a silver platter. Some color comes back into his face, at least enough to make him less zombie-like.

“Thank you, Burt. Kurt and I are struggling with the weight of other people's judgments on what we want. We do care what our families and friends think. It’s nice to know we have your support, no matter when we decide we’re ready for our forever together. Even if the timing of it seems ridiculous to other people.” 

“It will all work out, Blaine. And Kurt is going to be okay. I’ll be back in a little while.”

As soon as Burt leaves, Blaine can’t help it. The tears come. They aren’t hysterical, sobbing tears. They are tears of love and relief. To have Kurt near him again, he feels whole again. 

“Kurt, baby, I know you can hear me. I love you. I am here waiting for you. I’ll be here when you are ready to wake up. I’m not sure what happened, but I promise you we'll get through this together. We can do anything right? We’ve got our forever in front of us, and I know you aren’t going to miss it.” 

He holds Kurt’s hand, brushing his fingertips up and down his forearm, trying to comfort both of them. He realizes that he’s [humming a song](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=srCS4axwrdo&feature=emb_logo) and starts letting the words come out of his mouth. 

_I walked across an empty land  
_ _I knew the pathway like the back of my hand  
_ _I felt the earth beneath my feet  
_ _Sat by the river and it made me complete  
_ _Oh, simple thing where have you gone  
_ _I'm getting old and I need something to rely on  
_ _So tell me when you're gonna let me in  
_ _I'm getting tired and I need somewhere to begin_

[...He finishes the song and keeps humming...]

\------------------------------

The morning wears on, nurses and doctors in and out. Somewhere in there, Tina, Mike, and Marley head home after getting huge hugs from Blaine and promises of updates. Marley will be back later to take Carole over to Blaine’s loft to settle them into the extra bedroom. Burt even talks Blaine into lying on a couch in their private waiting room area to sleep for two hours, reminding him that he’ll be better able to help Kurt when he’s conscious if Blaine isn’t sleep deprived. 

The police officers from the previous night come back, and finally, they get some answers about what happened. From the witness’s report, Kurt tried to intervene in a beating of a young gay kid; he then became a victim himself. By the time the police arrived, he was barely conscious, and the only thing they were able to get from in the ambulance was to find Blaine. At the time, they weren’t sure if Blaine was another victim, his perpetrator, or his family. That is why they had been so careful. After piecing all the stories together, their initial report is labeled “hate crime.” Unless Kurt can remember details about who did this, none of the witnesses could recall enough pieces of the two men to make a preliminary sketch.

\------------------------------

Finally, at around 3:00 PM, Kurt starts to wake from the drugs they had been pumping into him to keep unconscious. His legs are moving slightly, his head moving back and forth like he’s trying to get his body moving again. Blaine is on one side of the bed, holding his hand—tracing shapes on it as always. His dad is on the other side sitting back in a chair, waiting. At exactly 3:27 PM, a very groggy Kurt finally opens his eyes slowly, and a smile creeps across his face in slow motion. 

“Blaine Blaine,” he whispers in a gravelly voice before he shuts his eyes again. 

“I’m here, Sunshine—baby, I love you. Your dad is here, and Carole is waiting just outside.” 

There is a feeble attempt of a smile at the corner of his lips. “Thanks. Hurts.” 

“I know, honey, I know. Just take your time, but if you can wake up, it would be terrific. They want to check on your brain, make sure you didn’t break anything too important. You know, like your ability to make witty commentary about trashy TV or how to make delicious waffles?”

“Never,” Kurt whispers.

“Hey, Kiddo,” Burt says.

“Dad,” Kurt tries to open his eyes again but can’t quite get there yet. 

His dad, now overcome with relief, feels that parental protection beast take hold. Burt wants to start in on him, ask him what the hell he was thinking, taking on those guys, trying to be a hero? He wants to tell him that they could have had a gun, that he is so lucky he’s here; tell him that he should have called the cops. He could have gotten help! For a brief moment, he’s just pissed off at Kurt. It’s that weird feeling you have in a hospital when you get the relief that they will be okay. You are so mad at them for scaring the hell out of you. The human psyche is a strange thing. He’s not sure it all won’t come tumbling out sooner or later, but he won’t do it now. “I’m right here, bud.”

When a nurse pops in a few minutes later, and they tell her Kurt’s been talking a little bit, that is the end of their private moment. It seems like the entire staff of the ICU ward swarm the room. Nurses come in and check all his vitals, check his eyes. A doctor asks Kurt questions, trying to get him to talk to them about what hurts. They need to make sure they didn't miss anything. Around 8 PM, they decide he’s well enough to get a brain scan. If there is no swelling, he’ll be allowed out of the ICU tonight. 

A police detective comes by one more time to see if Kurt has any information to share. He tells them everything he remembers, but it’s nothing they didn’t already know. Burt and Blaine are visibly upset. It takes all of their self-control to keep themselves together, hearing Kurt tell the story himself. He felt like he couldn’t stand by and wait for the police when this poor kid was being beaten. He defended himself by looking at both of them and saying, “What would you have done?” Neither of them had an answer. 

Between meeting with the officer and the scan, Kurt was beyond exhausted and was asleep during his transfer to a regular room. Once again, Dr. Bailey used words like “so lucky” and “fortunate it wasn’t any deeper,” as he signed the papers to release Kurt from the ICU. 

\------------------------------

The first time Kurt wakes up in his new room, he feels weird. He’s got chills and he feels oddly happy. He looks down to see that Blaine is still by his side. He’s sitting in a chair, but his head is resting against Kurt’s shin. He’s touching Kurt’s hand, and he’s drooling. Sound asleep, drooling on him. Kurt has a fit of the giggles, and then he tenses. _Oh my gosh, that hurts. Oww, my ribs._ His giggles wake Blaine right up, though. He sits up, and it’s like the sun rises on his face, dawning so much love and happiness to see Kurt awake. He unconsciously wipes his mouth on his sleeve.

“I know I'm hot, baby, but really—drooling over me in your sleep? That's a bit much, don't you think?” he smiles wide, trying not to laugh. _Laughing hurts. Ouch. Laughing not good._ Every thought is a staccato note. He doesn't understand how his brain is working right now. He can’t hold on to anything.

“Mmmm, you are so hot and I’ll drool over you anytime I want!” Blaine teases back.

“Well, that’s okay—you’re gorgeous, and you make me want to be your sexy boyfriend.”

“Ummm, you are my boyfriend, Kurt?”

“Oh, don’t I know it, Mr. Hottie McHot Cakes!” he says, proud of himself like he won the best prize in the history of all prizes.

Blaine gives him the most comically quizzical look as if saying, _What exactly has gotten into you?_

Just then, a nurse walks in to check his vitals. A male nurse and Kurt sighs dreamily, “Blaine are all the nurses here so handsome? I mean, he’s not as gorgeous as you, but we're lucky he’s my nurse, right?”

As Blaine moves away, making room for the nurse, he bursts out laughing, “Oh my gosh, Kurt!” He looks at the nurse bewildered and shrugs his shoulders in a _I have no idea what to say_ way. 

The nurse, for his part, says to Kurt, “Aww, now if only I had a dollar for every time someone said that when I walked in the room.” 

Blaine snorts, and Kurt is just looking at his two companions with a dreamy look on his face. He sighs audibly. _Maybe this is heaven,_ he thinks. “I think we should keep him, Blaine, don’t you? He smells like strawberries!”

The nurse turns to Blaine and says quietly, “Don’t worry, the medication they gave him for the nightmares he was having last night is like a truth serum. And then on top of that, the painkillers are making him feel strange. And, umm—well in some patients, the combo can act like an aphrodisiac.” He raises an eyebrow and slightly tilts his head towards Kurt; his expression is clearly stating that Kurt is probably one of those. “He’s not going to have a filter for at least the next eight hours. Prepare yourself.” He winks and walks out of the room after writing a few vital stat numbers on the whiteboard. 

_Oh good heavens, Kurt with no filter for eight hours? This should be both highly amusing and terrifying and also…_

“Baby, I’m so horny, and you are so beautiful. Your skin looks like golden brown sugar, and I want to lick it, but everything hurts so bad.” A few tears fall down his cheeks.

“Honey, why are you crying?” Blaine is immediately back at his bedside.

“I just told you why. I’m so horny, and everything hurts. That is _very_ frustrating, Blaine!” Kurt’s pouty expression is beyond exasperated, like Blaine is just obtuse on purpose.

“Kurt, honey, do you want to know how much I love you?” Kurt nods affirmatively. “I’m going to leave my cell phone over there on the table. I’m not going to record the next few hours to show you later, even though it would bring me endless hours of entertainment. That is how much I love you.” It is taking _all_ of Blaine’s self-control not to burst out laughing.

“What does that even mean, Blaine? I thought you were going to tell me you loved me so much you’d get in this bed, and you’d hold me until my brain doesn’t hurt so much. Everything is fuzzy. I don’t feel good. And when I close my eyes, I’m afraid I won’t wake up—or you’ll be gone. It makes me sad, Blaine.”

“I will hold you if you want, baby. I just don’t want to hurt you. And I promise you’ll wake up, and I’ll be right here. I’m not leaving you.”

“The only thing that hurts worse than the outside is that you won’t hold me. I need to feel you—my heart hurts so bad, bee.”

“Why, honey?” Blaine is running his fingertips up and down Kurt’s arm, trying to soothe him.

“Because—I didn’t want them to take me away from you.”

Blaine’s heart nearly falls from his chest at Kurt’s confession, the truth he can’t help but spill. 

“But I had to help him. I didn’t want them to take me away until—we were married, Blaine.” He pauses for a few seconds like he’s trying hard to think of something, “Why won’t they let us get married? Everyone doesn't understand. I’m yours now. My heart hurts because it’s too small to hold that much love. That’s all.” More tears fall, but he closes his eyes and starts drifting back to sleep. 

“Please, Blaine?” he says with a final plea, words barely above a whisper. Blaine has no idea if he means holding him or marrying him, but since he can only do one right now, he gingerly climbs up on the bed and cuddles into Kurt’s side. Finally, getting his wish since the first time he saw Kurt in the hospital. If he has his way, he’ll stay here until he gets to take Kurt home.

Lost in Kurt’s confession and the overwhelming feelings he has at knowing just how much Kurt loves him, he too, drifts off.

\------------------------------

The days go by, three of them in total, to be exact. Blaine never leaves the hospital. He stays by Kurt’s side as much as he can. Marley brought him his guitar when Kurt requested more than a few times that Blaine sing for him. Burt and Carole took turns coming to the hospital, the rest of the time staying at Blaine's loft. Isabelle stops by one afternoon to make sure that he’s okay. Kurt wishes that she and Blaine had met under different circumstances, but they have a wonderful chat, at least what he heard of it. 

The truth is that most of the time, Kurt sleeps. After working so hard in school the last seven years, he realizes he’s probably more exhausted from that than even the incident, although that is definitely taking its toll on him. 

When he’s finally released from the hospital late Thursday night, he’s grumbling about having to be in a wheelchair until he’s out the front door and into the car Blaine had called. He’s holding a folder of instructions and information on his recovery plan. 

He’s glad Blaine and his dad were listening because he has a severe concussion, and it was making his brain fuzzy. He started taking the diagnosis seriously when he was asked to sign a form, and he couldn’t remember how to write his name. And while it only lasted a brief second, it was terrifying. He was also having trouble recalling time and figuring out how things fit together. Yes, he was going to take his therapy seriously.

\------------------------------

When they pull up to the building, Kurt’s heart skips a beat. He’s so happy to be home. He doesn’t even mind the few relentless media people out front, determined to get a story. As Burt and Blaine stand on each side of him to make sure he gets inside okay, the first face he sees is Trent’s when they walk into the lobby. 

“Good evening, sirs. Welcome home, Mr. Hummel. It’s nice to see you back. You gave us all a right good scare.”

“Well, you know me, Trent, always pulling focus.” They all laugh. “It is so good to see you, too. Have you missed the media circus?” 

“You know I have, sir. I hope you all have a great night. Mr. Anderson, let me know if you need anything.” Blaine nods a silent thank you.

In the elevator, Kurt takes his dad’s hand and lays his head on Blaine’s shoulder. “I’m so grateful for you two. Thank you. I’m so tired, though, and I’m so scared and stressed out about school, and I still feel so fuzzy, but I’m so happy to be home with all of us together.” 

“Don’t you start your worrying already, bud. It will all work out, son. You need to get a good night’s sleep. What do we always say, huh? Nothing get’s solv—”

“—Solved after 10 o’clock!” Kurt answers with a smirk. 

When Kurt steps into the loft, he can’t help but start tearing up. It smells like home. It’s comfort, happiness, and love. He inhales deeply and melts into Blaine’s arms. “I love you so much,” he whispers into Blaine's ear.

“Kurt! So happy to see you.” Carol comes from the extra bedroom to hug him. “You hungry? I made you all some homemade soup if you want it before bed. I’m sure you're all so tired,” she says as she takes all the folders Burt is holding under his arm. She wants to look at Kurt’s recovery plan later. 

“Thank you, Carole, but I’m afraid I’ve got to just go to bed. I don’t think I can stand up anymore, which is ridiculous since I’ve slept for three days. But I want my own bed, and my own sheets and my own pillow.” Kurt is lost to his daydream.

“That was so sweet of you, Carole, but I think I’m going to join him. It’s been quite an eventful few days, and I haven’t slept in a real bed for three nights.” Blaine can feel Kurt wince at that. Blaine leans over and kisses Carole on the cheek and says, “Thank you, though.”

“Goodnight, boys, we’ll see you in the morning. Love you, son. Glad you are home.”

And with that dismissal, they make their way to their bedroom. Once the door is closed, Blaine assumes they really are just going to get ready for bed. He’s beyond exhausted. Being home, his body is starting to come down from the high alert state he feels like he's been in for days. 

But before he knows what is happening, he’s got his arms full of Kurt, and Kurt is lifting his shirt a few inches making an incessant little noise to get Blaine to take it off.

“I can’t lift my arms, my ribs hurt, Blaine. Take it off, please!” Blaine rips his shirt off, and no sooner can he get his arms back down before Kurt is marking his body. It’s almost frantic. “Blaine. Blaine. Blaine.” Kurt is whispering into his skin between marks. His fingers are digging into Blaine's back. 

“Okay, it’s okay, baby—baby. Come on, let’s get you—” but he’s cut off with Kurt’s mouth on his. The kiss is deep and passionate, but it’s laced with fear, and there is a trace of ‘what could have been’ if Kurt hadn't been so fortunate to make it back home to the love of his life. It’s emotionally disarming for both of them, and they both start sobbing. They didn’t let themselves go to this place in the hospital. And now, here in their bedroom, they try to fuse themselves together as if it’s the first time all over again. They hold each other tightly. Kurt won’t let go no matter how much pain he’s in, crying into each others’ necks. 

Blaine is finally able to start walking them towards the bed. “Sweetheart? Come on, honey, let’s get you undressed. We can have some skin time, okay?” It’s one of the things they’ve found that they enjoy together, just time holding each other skin to skin without it being sexual. In an odd way, it’s become the part of their relationship that is the ‘best friends’ part, where they are the most relaxed and feel safe. 

Once Blaine finally has them undressed, which takes way longer than it should because Kurt refuses not to at least have some partial body contact with Blaine at all times. He pulls the covers back and helps Kurt lay down. His ribs are so bruised and sore. It’s very difficult for him to get up and down from a bed or chair by himself yet. As Blaine walks around the other side of the bed to snuggle in beside him, he sees Kurt silently laughing. “What are you laughing at, baby?”

“Do you think the doctors and nurses in the emergency room wondered if I was in love with a vampire?”

Blaine laughs and slides up next to Kurt, very carefully swinging his leg over Kurt’s thighs and lightly laying his hand down on Kurt’s heart so that he doesn't accidentally push on his ribs. “Yeah, I wondered about that actually, when they wouldn’t let me see you—if it had anything to do with how much your skin was marked up. I’m sure most of the nurses after that were just thinking well ‘hot damn lucky boys.’” 

“I missed this so much.”

“Me too.”

“Blaine, I’m so sorry. So, so sorry,” Kurt starts sobbing again. 

“Shhh, shhh baby, we’re okay. We’re going to be okay.” 

“I made a choice that could have changed both of our lives forever. It was so stupid, but I don’t know what else I could have done. I keep replaying it over and over in my head. I couldn’t keep standing there watching, and honestly, I don't remember much after that. But I’m so sorry.”

“Kurt, baby. I know you are. And you did scare the hell out of me, but we’re here right now. Remember, we don’t live in the ‘what ifs.’ We promised. So sweetheart, just relax. I’m right here, and I’m not going anywhere. You're here, and I love you. Let’s have this, right now, okay?”

“Will you kiss me?”

Blaine scoots up, resting his elbow on the pillow they were sharing, and leans down to kiss Kurt. He traces hearts on his chest as lightly as he can and tries to keep it sweet and gentle. But Kurt is having none of it. 

“Blaine, _please,_ please _. I need you,_ please!” 

Blaine can’t help but respond to the pleading in Kurt’s voice. He kisses him hard like they were earlier. Kurt grabs his hand and slides it down his body, silently begging for Blaine to touch him.

He reaches down and hold’s Kurt’s rapidly stiffening cock in his hand, but he’s scared of hurting him. He's not sure how they can do what Kurt is asking. So Blaine dives deeper into the kiss, trying to keep him distracted.

Kurt finally pulls away, frustrated. “Baby, these rooms are soundproofed. You told me that, right? Why are you being so timid?”

Blaine coughs and laughs. He hadn't even thought about the fact that Burt and Carole were here. Well, there goes his erection. 

“Oh geez, Kurt. I didn’t even think about that but thank you for that. No, honey, I’m just so scared of hurting you. Are you sure you’re ready to try this? You haven’t been home for an hour!” 

“Blaine Devon Anderson. If you don’t go down on me in the next three minutes, I’m going to be in so much more pain than I am now, so you are doing me a favor. I don’t think I've gone more than twelve hours without an orgasm since we met, and now it’s been almost four days. Come on, baby. This is bros helping bros, right?”

Blaine starts laughing so hard he has to lay back on the bed. “You did not just say ‘bros helping bros.’ Oh, my love, I think you hurt your head worse than we thought—maybe it's the residual drugs left in your bloodstream.” 

Kurt is amused but doesn’t think this situation is at all as funny as Blaine does. “Fine. I’ll do it myself,” he huffs as he reaches down and starts rubbing himself out, making sure to exaggerate the moan he makes. He also deliberately ignores how his ribs are screaming at him from reaching down like that. 

“Dammit, Kurt! Oh my hell, baby, stop. I’m sorry, let me.” He inches down the bed and lays down on top of Kurt's legs. His erection pressed into Kurt's calf. “You okay?”

“Blaine! Just do it already. Freaking hell, I’ll tell you if you hurt me! Now! Blaine! Before we die of old age!”

“Oh, my baby is bossy, bossy!” Blaine looks up at Kurt with a smirk before he takes Kurt into his hand and goes down on him at the same time. Kurt moans in relief. It’s obscene and so loud, it makes Blaine harder instantly. He starts rutting his cock up against Kurt's leg as he sucks on him. He tries to make it as good as possible, but he can tell Kurt has lost all patience and just needs to come.

So he takes him as deep as he can and uses his hand to help, keeping it simple. But it’s perfect apparently because Kurt is pressing his fingers down into his scalp. He hears his name being repeated over and over again from above, and his mouth becomes warm with Kurt’s release. He’s desperately trying to swallow all of it. 

Kurt is still panting, but Blaine straddles Kurt’s lower legs and sits up, on his knees. He reaches down to finish himself off. 

“Yes! Baby, please let me see you. I’ve missed this so much, Blaine, please!” 

The want and begging in Kurt’s voice are so hot that Blaine is coming almost instantly. He lets it fall on Kurt’s stomach, and then he collapses to the side. He can see that Kurt is still hard, and he’s pretty sure they are just getting started, but he is so exhausted. 

Kurt reaches down and tangles his fingers in Blaine’s curly locks. “Thank you, honey. Sorry I was so bossy. That was my body needing to come that minute before I was going to be in a world of hurt. I’ll make it up to you later okay? Thank you, for indulging me.” 

“I get it, baby. Was it good at least?”

“Of course it was. Thank you, honey.”

“You're still hard, though. You need more?”

“I’m very much afraid of how much I feel like I need Blaine. I think I’m going to be a mess for a few days. I’m so frustrated by how much pain I’m in and how fuzzy my head is. I feel like I need to be inside of you, one with you. I need to feel our connection again, Blaine. I feel so off-kilter, scared, angry with myself, worried about you.”

“Shhhh, Kurt, baby. Let’s take one thing at a time, okay. We got you off, now let me take you slowly and love on your body for a little while. Let me worship your skin and leave some marks for you, and then let's get some sleep in our bed—together and safe, okay? Tomorrow is a new day, and we’ll take each moment at a time.”

Blaine gets up and gets a warm washcloth to clean Kurt off from earlier and then starts softly kissing his ribs one by one, whispering “I love you” into his skin with every breath. 

He takes his time just as he promised he would, so grateful that Kurt is home with him once again. Thirty minutes later, after a beautiful long make-out session and Kurt’s upper arms fresh with new marks (he’s too scared to mark his torso yet), he finally goes back down on Kurt. It’s different this time. It’s full of love and tenderness, a desire to show Kurt how much he’s wanted and loved. 

When he’s swallowed for the second time tonight, he makes sure Kurt isn’t going to need another one, but he’s finally going soft. He’s sated and panting— whispering sweet things. Blaine climbs back up and kisses him again, letting Kurt take what he needs from his mouth, and that is how they fall asleep, wrapped up in each other, so in love.

\------------------------------

A few hours later, Kurt wakes up screaming as he has every night since they moved him out of the ICU. Blaine does what he’s found works best and moves away from him before trying to comfort him. 

“Kurt, honey, it’s Blaine. I’m right here. You’re safe. You’re home now. Look around you, honey. You’re safe and you’re home.”

Kurt is drenched in sweat, tears leaking out of the sides of his eyes without permission. 

“I’m home,” he whispers. He looks around and sees Blaine sitting cross-legged on the bed a few feet away. “Blaine, you’re here.” 

“Yes, honey. I’m right here, just like always. It was just a bad dream, sweetheart. You're safe.” 

“They’re always coming for me, Blaine. They want to take me away from you.”

“No, honey,” Blaine says with conviction. ”No one is going to take you away from me. Sweetheart, look at me? Baby?”

Kurt finally looks over again, his eyes eventually becoming less hazy. “Blaine?”

“I’m right here. You’re okay.”

“Oh damn, another one?” Kurt shudders. “They aren’t going away, are they? I thought maybe since we were home…”

“Honey, it hasn’t even been a week, alright? Please, please show yourself some compassion. It’s okay, honey. Just take a deep breath for me?”

Kurt nods and breathes deep. 

“Can I hold you now?”

Kurt nods again, so Blaine scoots over and wraps his arm around Kurt’s waist. He immediately melts into it and lays his head down on Blaine’s. 

“Blaine Blaine. I feel so gross. Can you help me take a shower? I don’t think I can wash my hair between the pain in my ribs and the stitches on my neck. Please?”

“Of course, I can. Thank you for asking for help.”

“I’m asking for help because I have no filter. I’m exhausted, I’m gross, and I smell like hospital shampoo. Tomorrow I’ll go back to being a stubborn ass,” Kurt says in perfect seriousness. Blaine can’t help but laugh. He loves this man so much. 

\----~---------------------~---

Thirty-five minutes later an exhausted curly-haired man has Kurt back to feeling (and smelling) more like himself, helping him into his side of the bed where he just changed the sheets. Kurt’s asleep before he even has a chance to cover him back up.

Blaine slides into bed with him just a few inches away, trying to give him space to get some good rest but still needing to be close. Unfortunately, his mind is now going a million miles an hour. Tomorrow is going to be tricky to navigate. Kurt isn’t going to like how much help he will need. But maybe he’ll surprise everyone and accept that this is where he is in his life? Probably not, but they can all hope he will. 

He’s just missed an entire week of the busiest month of his life. He is supposed to be graduating from Parsons—which is now only two weeks away, finishing up his internship at Vogue. They have movers scheduled for his Bushwick apartment on Saturday. And on top of all of that, he has a severe concussion. They are supposed to keep his stress levels down, make sure he gets plenty of rest, and keep him off electronic devices as the prominent part of his recovery? That’s just three of the things— that doesn’t include physical therapy or the fact that he can’t take pain killers, which he was refusing by the second day in the hospital anyway—because he said they made him feel weird. But it doesn’t change the fact that he’s in a whole hell of a lot of pain. Blaine can hardly stand to see him suffering so much.

Blaine takes a deep breath as he realizes that he too will have to ask for help and lots of it. They need their friends, and he can’t be too scared to ask. If he expects Kurt to take it, he better start being a good example of it. He makes a mental checklist to conquer tomorrow. Then tells his brain it has a plan; now, can they please sleep?

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warnings for this Chapter:** Physical assault, hospitals, ICU, angst/fear, Inspired by the episode "Bash" but embellished.   
> **Reassurance for this Chapter:** It's going to be okay, I promise.
> 
> **Authors Notes:**
> 
> Hugs for everyone. Big big hugs.  
> For those of you who like the little details, this Chapter covers **November 30th-December 3rd**. 
> 
> Also, the story about the nurse and the strawberries? It's based on a real-life event. I watched and lived through it and it was every bit as embarrassing as you can ever imagine seeing someone you love not be able to filter their thoughts. It was hilarious and also sad at the same time. Mostly hilarious. 
> 
> The part about not understanding how time works and forgetting to write your name is also based on a true story. Concussions are serious.
> 
> \------  
> You can find artwork (and aesthetics aka "mood boards") and other related posts to this chapter on my Tumblr page [GleefulPoppet](https://gleefulpoppet.tumblr.com/), I'll be adding things over the next month. And I try to add the artwork to the chapter each night as well.
> 
> [Click Here to See Larger on Tumblr](https://gleefulpoppet.tumblr.com/post/633363329789886464/chapter-25-storm-clouds-may-gather-posted-this)


	26. Change the Voices In Your Head

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Word Count: 6800+ [There are no warnings for this chapter]

When Kurt wakes up the next morning, the bed is cold and empty. That has never happened in all the time they’ve been together. His traitorous anxiety filled brain is about to have a party when he looks over and sees a note on Blaine’s pillow.

_Good Morning Sunshine,_

_I hope you slept well. I had a very early appointment. I couldn’t bear to wake you up. But I promise I kissed you good-bye. I’ll be back soon. Your dad and Carole are here if you need anything, and I’ll be home to hold you as soon as I can._

_Love you,_ _  
_ _Bee_

Kurt starts to stretch before he remembers he really shouldn’t do that. It pulls his stitches in weird ways, and it hurts his ribs—defeating the whole purpose. He manages to get himself out of bed to go freshen up and then heads to the closet, looking for his boyfriend sweater. He needs it. Wrapped up in Blaine’s scent and the familiar comfort, he heads out to face the world.

He pauses as he reaches the kitchen. His dad and Carole are seated in the small sitting area off the kitchen with coffee, chatting, and looking at each other with so much love it makes him smile. He’s so glad his dad is happy and found her. It makes living so far away from them easier.

“Good Morning, my family!” Kurt says chirpily. 

“Hey, buddy! How are you feeling today?”

“I feel so much better. Not even close to myself, but so much better.”

“Well, that’s wonderful, sweetheart!” Carole says. “You’ll be back to yourself in no time. I’m sure you will. Now, let me feed you. I made smoothies this morning with organic veggies and fruit from that market down the street. It’s in the fridge. Do you want some eggs or something to go with it?”

“Oh, a smoothie sounds delicious. That will be more than enough for now, thank you.” He gets a straw from the drawer and grabs the smoothie, sitting down with his family.

“I’ve missed you both so much. I’m sorry you had to come at such late notice. That had to cost a fortune.”

“Kurt, stop your worrying. It’s not often you need your old man anymore. Plus, staying in your new fancy digs feels like a resort vacation.” He gives Kurt a warm smile. 

“Yeah, it’s a little ridiculous, isn't it?” He blushes. He’s never been ashamed of where he came from, and he doesn’t want to be ashamed of his life now either. It’s about the people he’s with, not the places. “So how weird was it meeting my boyfriend while I was unconscious? Did everyone play nice?” They all smile with knowing grins.

“That boy loves you so much, sweetheart,” Carole chimes in. “He threw himself into your dad’s arms the minute we walked into the hospital. He’s an amazing man, Kurt.” 

“He really is. He makes me feel so connected and safe and loved. I didn’t know it was possible to be this happy.”

“We’re happy for you, kid. Blaine seems like he has a good head on his shoulders, and as Carole said, he loves ya. He’s everything I could have ever hoped for you.” 

“Thank you, dad. Your support means everything to me.” They all sit in the comfortable stillness for a few minutes. Christmas carols are playing softly in the background.

“Do I even dare ask where he is?” Kurt finally asks. Just then, he hears the front door. “Bee!” he tries to jump up from his chair, wincing but manages to get up. He walks as fast as his sore legs will take him towards the front door, throwing himself into Blaine’s arms—wincing again. _I’ve got to stop doing that._

“Good morning, Sunshine. Did you miss me?” Blaine kisses Kurt’s forehead.

“You know I did. You’ve never left before me. Where did you go?”

“Well, are you feeling up for a discussion? Should we all sit at the table? Would you be comfortable there for a little while?”

“Yeah, I’m sick of lying down. I’ll be fine. Everything okay?”

“Of course it is, honey. Let's sit and have your parents join us. Come on.” He takes Kurt’s hand and leads him back into the kitchen. They all sit down at the kitchen table. 

“So I just met with the Dean at Parsons,” Blaine starts. Kurt gasps. “The only time he could see me was early this morning, so I’m sorry I wasn’t able to tell you before Kurt, but he knows that you are supposed to be home, so it’s fine, alright?” Kurt is confused but nods.

“I went to talk to him to see what kind of allowances they would give you as you navigate all your final projects. I took in your medical paperwork showing your severe concussion. He wants us to write an email with the documentation and get it to all your teachers. He’s also contacting them and telling them that they should make every effort to work around your concussion with your outstanding grades and attendance history. This means you’ll still be able to graduate, honey. He said if any project can’t quite be finished, they will allow you to turn it in after graduation. They’ll simply hold your diploma until they get it.”

Kurt is emotional. His voice is choked up, “Are you serious?”

“Yes, and I know you have worked ahead, so I think we’ll be able to help you, Kurt, without you even having to do that. I also asked if you would be allowed to have someone go to school with you when you go back next week so that you don’t have to write. You just have to be present. We’ll have someone go with you to take notes, keep track of your assignments and such. I know you could force yourself to do it, but Kurt, the first ten days after your concussion are crucial, So if you are going to go back to school, I’m begging you to let us do this for you?”

“Who would go with me? You can’t go with me. We’d cause a riot.” 

Blaine laughs, “We would, wouldn’t we? I’m sure you can guess who the first volunteer was?”

“Marley?”

“Yeah, she told me I don’t need her, that you're more handsome, closer to her age, and way more fun. So she’s leaving me for you. I’m devastated, baby. You took my best girl from me.” He pretends to pout.

“Aww, I’m sorry, bee. Will you ever forgive me?”

“Yes, I will if you will let us help you. How do you feel about all this?”

“I hate it, you know I do. I don’t like needing help, but I feel like my mind is wrapped in a layer of mud. It works, but it takes so much longer to process everything. So yes, if Marley can go to school with me next week so I can graduate on time, I’ll take the help.”

Blaine looks visibly relieved. 

“Okay, so not today, but maybe for an hour tomorrow and an hour on Sunday, we’ll go over your projects with her and your school schedule. Your schedule is on our family calendar, so we should be able to figure it out.”

Blaine looks over and Burt and Carole and nods. “Now, we have movers scheduled tomorrow for your apartment. Your dad and Carole have volunteered to handle that. Are you okay with that?”

Kurt is tearing up again, looking at them. “I wish you didn't have to, but yes, I guess that’s fine. I appreciate it." He snickers and looks back at Blaine, "I mean, are you asking if I have some secret stash of embarrassing magazines? The answer is no. I just hate that they have to do this.” 

Carole says, “Kurt, sweetheart, we want to do something to help. We’re happy to do it. The movers will do most of the work, we’re just going to make sure it’s tidied up when they leave, and I know how clean you keep everything. It will be easy-peasy.”

“Okay, well, thank you. I was going to donate so much of it, but that isn’t feasible now. Can I make you a list of stuff I’d like you to get for me before they pack up so I can have it now? And then the rest of it I can go through later. Blaine, where are we going to put everything?” He folds his arms and rests his head on the table, which, of course, hurts like hell, but he needs a minute. “I’m so sorry, everyone, so sorry.”

“Honey, please try not to worry about everything. We’ll put your furniture in my storage locker downstairs for now. We’ll have them bring your clothes up here. Carole and I will put them away for you in the closet in the extra bedroom until you can go through the ones you want to keep in our room. It’s all fine, baby, I promise. There is nothing that needs doing that we can’t figure out, okay?”

He finally looks up and nods his head, but he already looks tired and defeated. “When are you guys going home?” he asks his dad.

“We’re going to head out Sunday night, and then we’ll be back the day before your graduation, and we’ll have a real nice weekend. Blaine has offered to let us stay here again.”

Kurt nods again. He thinks about all the plans he had for his graduation weekend, how he wanted to decorate for Christmas, and have Christmas dinner with his family. He wanted to take them out and spoil them. So much can change in so little time. 

“Okay, so, the next thing is, I know you wanted to decorate for Christmas honey, you’ve been talking about it for weeks. So do you want to tell me where your secret Pinterest board, or style board or sketchbook is?” Blaine looks at him with a sly grin, and Kurt blushes profusely.

Burt, in the meantime, chuckles under his breath. If he didn’t know it before, he knows it now. These two were meant for each other, and they’re going to be just fine.

“I have a Pinterest board. I can share the link, but Blaine, please don’t do something crazy it can wait until next year. We don’t have to—”

“You think we’re having our first Christmas without decorations? You wound me to my very core! I need cheesy pictures in front of the tree with you, honey. You aren’t going to deny me, are you? Please say it isn’t so!”

“You’re ridiculous. We’re ridiculous.” Kurt rolls his eyes. 

“Oh, there you are. That’s more like it.” Blaine grins. “Now share the dang board with me, you sneaky little cuss. Why don't we have a family Pinterest board, _hmmm_? You afraid I’m going to spoil you rotten?” He says with his best wounded little puppy dog eyes.

Burt laughs, “You two really are too much.” 

“I’d like to think that is a compliment,” Blaine says with a smile. Then he takes a deep breath and looks at Burt again. The two of them had talked about what he’s about to bring up next, and he’s not sure how Kurt will take it.

“One more thing for now, okay, my love?”  
  
Kurt hums affirmatively. 

“I spoke to Dr. Everly yesterday, and she’s coming over here tonight.” Kurt inhales sharply, but Blaine keeps talking, “When I told her about what happened and your continued nightmares, she asked if I thought it would be helpful for you to talk to someone. Usually, she would suggest that you see someone else since there can be ethical boundary issues with us both seeing her. However, since she already has paperwork on file for you and the situation’s urgency, she offered. If it seems like it will need more than a session or two, she’ll help us find you your own person, though.

“I would love it if you would talk to her. Do you think it would be helpful for you? With the nightmares and the way you keep apologizing to all of us for getting hurt, I think it would be good for you. And I know you trust her already. But baby, if you aren’t ready, I’m not pressuring you. I’ll take the appointment as my regular Friday, okay? But she’s coming for you if you think you can do it.”

“Blaine, you know how I feel about that. I’m not ready for one-on-one counseling. You know that.” Kurt feels a little defensive. “Just because—” he stops abruptly and takes a deep breath. He replays what Blaine said in his head. Blaine _isn’t_ forcing this decision on him at all, which is what he was about to accuse him of. He’s just not feeling himself. “I’m sorry, I can’t process stuff right now. I’m tired. I’m not ready to be by myself with her, but if you can sit with me, I will. Can that be our compromise?” 

“Of course, and if you try and you aren’t ready, no one will force you, okay?”

“Thank you, Blaine. Sorry, I almost lost my temper. Can we take a nap? I’m so tired already.”

This time Carole speaks, “Kurt, it would be a lot better if you start trying to get on a regular sleep schedule. You need a ton of rest for your injuries, but with your concussion, the most important thing you need is restorative sleep at night—that is the only time your body can heal your brain. We need to get you sleeping 8-9 hours straight through the night without waking up. I’m not saying you can’t nap but, I’d limit it to a short one each day, and the remainder of the time, try and rest, take it easy.”

“Oh, right, I forgot. Can we make a list of things I’m supposed to do and hang it on the fridge, so I don’t have to try and remember it? I know I’m not supposed to watch TV either for a few more days.”

“I’d be happy to do that for you,” Carole says. 

“I might go crazy. Taking it easy is not my thing. Plus, no school, no TV, no naps. And I’m too tired to talk.” He closes his eyes for a minute. His mind is so gray and out of focus.

“Blaine, are _you_ tired? You got up so early. Thank you for doing that for me. But will you sing for us for a little while? Maybe I can lay on the couch. I want to hear you sing, and Dad and Carole would probably like that, too.”

“Anything for you, Sunshine. Come on, let’s go.” He grabs Kurt and takes him into the front room, helping lay down on the couch. Carole and Burt come in and sit in the chairs. Blaine sits down at the piano and asks, “Any requests?” Without waiting for an answer, [he starts playing](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l40RkAYE54I&feature=youtu.be) with a big grin on his face. 

_It's nine o'clock on a Saturday  
_ _The regular crowd shuffles in  
_ _There's an old man sitting next to me  
_ _Makin' love to his tonic and gin  
_ _He says, "Son, can you play me a memory  
_ _I'm not really sure how it goes  
_ _But it's sad and it's sweet and I knew it complete  
_ _When I wore a younger man's clothes"  
_ _La la la, di da da  
_ _La la, di da da da dum  
_ _Sing us a song, you're the piano man  
_ _Sing us a song tonight_

[...]

They all clap for him when he’s done. “You’ve got quite a talent there, kiddo!” Burt says. 

“Well, thank you. Alright, this one will be me and Kurt’s theme song for the next two weeks. Everyone ready?” He [plays](https://youtu.be/6e-W1wiF048) the introduction, and Kurt starts laughing. 

_I need somebody  
_ _Help! not just anybody  
_ _Help! you know I need someone  
_ _Help!  
_ _When I was younger,  
_ _So much younger than today I never needed anybody's  
_ _Help in any way  
_ _But now these days are gone (these days are gone),  
_ _I'm not so self-assured_  
_Now I find I've changed my mind and  
_ _Opened up the doors_

[...]

They listen to Blaine sing a few more songs before he gets up and sits with Kurt on the couch. They all talk for a while, and even though Kurt is having a hard time staying awake, he can’t help but think how blessed he feels. 

His family is here, they seem to love Blaine as much as he does, and they have friends begging to help them. Sometimes when terrible things happen, it’s a chance to remember once again what truly matters. Even though Kurt tries to live that way on a daily basis, he wants to see a silver lining in what happened. And this moment right here with his family is definitely one of his favorite memories he’s ever made.

\------------------------------

By Saturday morning, it’s official. If he thought it was terrible yesterday, it's nothing like today— Kurt is going stir crazy. His parents are out at the house in Bushwick with the movers, Blaine is trying to catch up on some work, and Kurt isn’t allowed to do anything that he wants to do or feels like he needs to. It’s making him beyond grumpy every time he walks by his studio. He _knows_ how much work is waiting for him behind those doors. 

But he also knows he needs to follow orders for the first ten days to the letter. His brain is short-circuiting on him when he least expects it, and it’s scaring him. Even though he did talk to Dr. Everly last night when she came over, he still had nightmares that woke him up. 

After pacing around the living room a few times—he's not resting on the couch like he's supposed to be. He decides that he’s going to be brave and keep his promises. He walks into the office. Blaine looks up from his desk with a sweet smile getting up to wrap Kurt in his arms when he enters.

“Hello, love. Did you come to see me?”

“I did, and I actually, umm. I came to ask for help.” He’s fidgeting and has nervous energy pulsing through his body.

“What’s wrong, baby? What do you need?”

Kurt takes a deep breath but starts talking fast, “Do you remember when I had my meltdown like three weeks ago, you said I could come to you and ask for help when I felt like I was losing control? Well, here I am. I know you’re working, but I feel like if I can’t get out of my mind for a few minutes, I’m going to have another meltdown, and I’m so scared that my brain isn’t working right now. It’s freaking me out that I might never be me again, Blaine. I need you.” 

“Love you so much, thank you for coming to me, Kurt. I know how hard that is for you. I’m so proud of you. Come with me, alright?” He takes Kurt by the hand and leads him into his boxing room, turning the central heat way up in the house on the way so it’s not chilly when they are done. He shuts the door behind them and gets to work, filling the whirlpool bathtub and turning on the jets. 

He turns around and slowly peels Kurt’s clothes off him one layer at a time, kissing a few times on any revealed skin, until he pulls down his underwear last, finally stroking Kurt’s hard cock a few times. “Mmmmm, love when you’re hard for me, baby. Do you want to take my clothes off, love?” Kurt nods and gets to work, but his fingers get all tangled up on the button on Blaine’s pants. He starts to panic, “Blaine, I can’t even—” Blaine is there, shushing him with a kiss and reaches down to help with the button and follows Kurt’s lead allowing him to take his clothes off him and helping if he starts to get frustrated. He helps Kurt into the tub and then slides in behind him. 

“You okay? None of your stitches are in the water, right?” He peaks over the front of Kurt’s shoulder, hoping he filled the water so it would just hit above the bottom of Kurt’s ribs, leaving his stitches on his torso mostly dry. Kurt is already relaxing into Blaine and nods that he’s fine. Blaine pulls Kurt back so that he’s flush against his chest. He slides his arms over the top of the bend in Kurt's elbows and then down into the water, pulling his arms back so that he can stretch them if he wants but not too much as to hurt Kurt’s ribs. He then bends his knees and wraps his legs over and around Kurt’s as best as possible. Trying to give Kurt the illusion that he is being held down even if it’s not much pressure. For a moment, his mind drifts back to a few days after Kurt’s last meltdown.

 _After researching techniques he could use to help Kurt, he realized that with Kurt being a visual thinker and artist, the color system for their safeword was_ **_not safe_ ** _for them. They needed to be able to use colors freely. It was mind-boggling how often colors had come up in conversations lying in bed, talking about work and school. Adding to that was the fact that Blaine’s instinct for the visualization exercises he used last time involved colors. He had to stop himself that first time, in the middle of all that emotional turmoil, and change the color of the ball to orange before he spoke because he had almost said the ball was red. They needed something that wouldn’t come up in a normal conversation between them. So he approached Kurt with the information and his concerns. They did some more research together and mutually decided to change their safeword. With both of them having a music background, they started there—wondering if they could find a musical term that would work. Instantly Kurt fell in love with the word Arpeggio._

_“It’s like we stop and break down what is happening. We take the chord apart and make sure each note is being played correctly one at a time, and then we can put it back together again. It doesn’t mean everything was wrong in the moment, just that there was a note off in what we were doing. So we need to figure out which one. Does that make sense? “ Kurt had asked._

_“It does make sense the way you explained it. I love that so much, and I would feel good about using that as my safeword with you as well. So I think we’re on the same page and agree?”_

_“Yes, I love it, Blaine. “_

He comes back to the here and now. “Kurt, what is our new safeword? This is the first time we’ll do anything like this since we changed it.” 

“Arpeggio.”

“I want you to tell me immediately if you are uncomfortable today. You should be telling me this long before you would ever need a safeword, do you understand?”

Kurt nods. 

“Can you use your words, love? I need to make sure you understand.”

“Yes. I promise. I’ll tell you if I’m not okay. I also remember our new safeword is arpeggio.” 

“Thank you.” 

Blaine pulls Kurt’s arms back as far as he dares and then starts leaving a few marks on Kurt’s back while he whispers the most random free-flowing story thoughts that come through his mind. Once again, trying to follow his instincts, knowing this technique is safe and that Kurt needs him. “I want you to think of a yellow bird on a branch high in the trees. It’s whistling a sweet song. Listen to the melody and hum it for me, Kurt. What sweet little melody is the yellow bird singing?” Kurt immediately replies with a trilling little hum that makes Blaine smile. 

“Up in the sky looking down on the bird is a hot air balloon. What color is the hot air balloon Kurt?”

“Red.”

Blaine flinches for a nanosecond, but they did change their safeword for this _very_ reason. He takes a deep calming breath. “And what are some other things that are red, Kurt?”

“Candy canes, Christmas bulbs, your lips after I kiss you for a long, long time, roses, ladybugs and…” 

“Those are all wonderful things, Kurt.” Blaine doesn’t want him to have to think too hard.

He lets them have a moment of quiet while he kisses all over Kurt’s neck. “Down below the bird is a little cottage. The cottage is white, and it has a bright blue roof made of tiles. Next to the cottage is a garden; everything looks so ripe and delicious. What is growing in the garden, Kurt?” He releases Kurt’s arms for a while. 

“Carrots, tomatoes, snap peas, basil, peppermint, zucchini, watermelon.”

“Oh, that all sounds divine! He deliberately pauses for a few moments. 

“Inside the house, there is a table, a paintbrush, and a can of paint. Please pick up the brush, Kurt, and I want you to paint a huge circle on the white wall in front of you. At least six feet tall by six feet wide. It’s a magic can of paint. It will be any color you choose. What color do you choose, Kurt?”

“Yellow.”

“Like the sun. You are the sun in my life, Kurt. My sunshine, my light.”

“Yellow like a honey bee,” Kurt says dreamily.

“Yellow like a honey bee. That too, Kurt, that too. Now paint your circle. You have all the time in the world. He gives Kurt some time to start. 

“When you are done, you are going to repeat this five times and paint the circle smaller each time inside the larger one. I want you to tell me what color is next when you change circles, okay, my love?” Kurt nods.

Blaine relaxes as much as he can, hoping to convey to Kurt that he too can relax, and it must work because he seems to melt even further into Blaine. After twenty seconds or so, he says, “Green.” He repeats the process every twenty seconds or so until turquoise, navy, purple, and tangerine are called out.

“I love you so much, Kurt. You’re doing so well. In the corner of the cottage is a nice warm fire and an inviting, comfortable chair. I want you to curl up in the chair and watch the fire. Feel the heat soaking into your skin, feel it tingle and warm you up. I want you to sit here and only think about the sensations on your skin and the warmth. You can tell me when you are ready to move, but I want your whole body warm first.” 

Blaine isn’t sure how long Kurt stays quiet, but it’s long enough that they are well beyond pruney. He hasn’t so much as fidgeted, so Blaine stays still and quiet—waiting. 

“I’m warm, but the fire is going out now. It feels like it’s getting cold.”

“Kurt, we’re going to count to fifty together, and then we’re going to get out of the tub. Are you ready? Let’s go…” They count out loud together. When they're done, he dries them off with the big huge towels from the warming cabinet, and they get dressed again silently. They haven’t spoken a word since the counting. 

“Do you want to go on a date with me?” Blaine asks as they approach the door. 

“Where?”

“The living room? I want to dance with you. Will you dance with me, love?”

Kurt looks over at Blaine with a sparkle in his eyes, biting his lower lip, and nods yes. Blaine takes them to the living room, pushes the coffee table over a little, and tells Alexa to [play](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=s6EFp4Nwonw) “Come What May” from _Moulin Rouge_ on repeat. He pulls Kurt into his arms, and they turn slowly in the living room, listening to the song several times all the way through. 

Blaine often finds himself singing the words quietly into Kurt’s ear and nuzzles his nose into Kurt’s neck, mindful of the stitches on the other side. 

“I have a surprise for you now. I’m glad I’ve never thought about this before, but will you accompany me back to the office?” Kurt nods yes, and they make their way there. 

He sits Kurt down on the couch and tells him to close his eyes. Blaine walks over the shelves and pulls out three giant scrapbooks his mom made for him years ago and puts them on the couch next to Kurt, and then slides in to sit next to him. 

“Okay, open your eyes!” 

Kurt looks over where he felt the couch dip down earlier and sees the books, “Are those—?”

“Uh-huh, they are! And we can look through them today if you want to?”

And Kurt wants to. They spend the next two hours cooing over every single picture from Blaine’s childhood. Kurt feels like melted butter in his arms.

“This isn’t helping with the intervention we staged a few weeks ago of baby hungry Blaine and Kurt, though,” Kurt says. 

“I know. I just realized that, but we’ll let it pass just this once. I promise I haven’t been looking at nurseries again.” They start laughing. 

Kurt couldn’t believe it when he walked in on Blaine a few weeks ago. He had gone bright red and slammed his laptop shut. When Kurt teased him enough because he wouldn’t show him what he was looking at, he finally let Kurt open the computer. And there he was perusing the Pottery Barn Kids nursery ideas section. They both made a solemn promise to maybe get engaged first before they acted out on any more of those impulses—as Kurt had sheepishly admitted he’s been looking at designer baby clothes.

“Blaine, thank you for this. Thank you for earlier, too. I feel so much better. I don’t know how you do that, but it helps me so much. I feel weird thinking about it later, but in the moment, it feels so perfect.”

“I know what you mean, honey. So maybe we leave those times alone and let them be sacred between us. We can talk about it if you need to—of course, we can. But we don’t need to if that makes sense.”

“It makes perfect sense. Thank you, Blaine. I feel calmer, and I’m still so scared about what my brain is doing, but I’ll try to have faith in the recovery plan they gave me.”

“You’re going to be okay, Kurt, I promise. We’re all going to make sure you’re okay. Just try to relax and enjoy being pampered beyond your wildest dreams. Think of this as a month-long graduation present.” 

“Yeah, but you—you do realize this is like the perfect storm for an epic meltdown from me, right? What you’re asking me to do? Needing so much help, not being able to stay busy—I'm supposed to keep my mind unoccupied so that it can rest and heal. But then, by not keeping it occupied, I start going stir crazy. Adding to it all the financial ramifications of physical and emotional therapy, all of these deadlines I have for school, and it's Christmastime and all the things we wanted to do, Blaine.” 

“I know it's asking a lot. I know it is. Which is why I’m so proud of you for asking for help today, and you have to keep on doing that, Kurt.”

“But I kept you from your work for the last three and a half hours.”

“Kurt, nothing is more important to me than you. Nothing. Sweetheart, for ten heart-stopping hours, I had no idea what would happen to us if there was going to be an us. I had no idea what we were going to face. So every minute I have with you—that you want to be with me, that you need me, is the best minute there is.”

“I want to say I’m so sorry, but I know you won’t like that. I’m trying. I’m really trying to be at peace and think of this as a vacation. But it feels like my fault, you know? I was the idiot who jumped into that fight. Why should everyone’s life be turned upside down because of it.”

“Oh, Kurt, this is not your fault. You have no idea what would have happened to that kid if you hadn’t intervened. You probably saved his life. You always follow your heart. There is no way you could have lived with yourself if you would have just watched and waited. I’d guess that you'd still be having nightmares, and they would have been even worse, baby. You would have lived with that dark cloud of regret, and the question, 'Why didn’t I help him?’ would haunt you forever. No, Kurt, you did the right thing. No one thinks you should have made a different choice.”

Kurt has a pensive look on his face. He takes a few minutes to think about what Blaine just said, turning the words over in his now much slower mind. “Wow. You’re right. I couldn’t have lived with myself. You’re absolutely right. Thank you, my Honey Bee. See? I just needed someone to help me get over the uncertainty of it. The other choice wasn’t an option. I don't have to keep rehashing it in my mind, and so now I can try just to move forward.” 

“Glad I could help, baby. I love you. Now! Olivia will be here soon, and she’s just going to work on your legs, arms and try to get around your shoulders where she can. Do you feel okay with that?”

“Yes. I wish we could have given our appointments to my parents, though. They are the ones moving all my stuff today.”

“Well, guess what, darling? She _is_ giving Carole a massage a little later. Your dad refused.” Blaine smiles, and Kurt laughs.

“Yeah, that doesn’t surprise me. Does that mean you expect them back soon?”

“Yeah, they should be here any minute. The house is going to be busier than you’ve ever seen tonight. I hope you’re ready. I’m actually glad we had all this quiet time.”

“What do you mean?”

“You’ll just have to wait and see. Now, why don’t you go drink a big glass of water and lay down for fifteen minutes before Olivia gets here, honey?” 

“Well, you know I do _so well_ with surprises! So I’m just _sure_ I can relax now while I wonder what you are up to,” Kurt says sarcastically but playfully. He walks out with a genuine smile to follow Blaine’s suggestions because water and a fifteen-minute nap do sound delightful. 

\------------------------------

The rest of the night is a whirlwind, and far from being overwhelmed, Kurt loves every minute of it. His massage from Olivia was much shorter than usual, but she helped with some of the soreness and aching not only from the incident but also from lying in a hospital bed for several days.

Before he knew it, Carole and Blaine were putting away all of his clothes with his input. He was feeling well-rested, so they were able to figure out how to put them directly into the master bedroom closet and fulfill his overzealous need to have everything perfectly organized and in order by color. They even got a few of his boxes unpacked in his studio for him. The only thing that ended up in storage was his furniture, and they'd deal with that another day. 

When Kurt was about to ask what they should for dinner, the house phone rang, stating that their guests were on their way up. As Blaine hung up the phone, Kurt looked at him questioningly. 

“Merry Christmas, baby,” Blaine says after he kisses Kurt’s temple, smiling.

“What are you up to, Mr. Anderson?”

Blaine simply gives him the most innocent face he can manage, biding his time kissing Kurt’s jaw, down his neck, and back up to that spot on his ear he loves so much while he waits for the knock on the door. 

_Bang, bang, bang._

It makes Kurt jump as Blaine tears himself away like a giddy schoolboy and throws the door open. “Welcome, everyone!” Blaine says as he moves aside. Kurt is astonished as Marley, Tina, Mike, and three men with dollies loaded with boxes come pouring into the house. 

“Oh, my goodness! Hi, everyone!” Kurt says joy radiating on his face, but he looks over to Blaine with an upturned eyebrow questioning what in the world is happening.

Tina pulls Kurt into her arms gently, “So happy you are home safe with Blainey.” 

“Me too,” he says, grinning. 

Blaine slides behind Kurt and wraps his arms around his waist, kissing his shoulder before whispering in his ear, “They brought Christmas, love.” 

For the next two hours, Kurt watches, astonished as everyone he loves most in the world transforms the loft into a Christmas wonderland. There are lights, garlands, wreaths, and a gigantic pre-lit tree just waiting to be decorated after dinner.

Blaine notices that Kurt is curled up at the end of the couch in the living room, staring at the eight-foot-tall tree with unshed tears in his eyes. Everyone is bustling about finishing up the decorating while Carole finishes up dinner. Blaine walks over to sit next to him, pulling his curled up legs out from underneath him and stretching them across his lap. 

“We can get a real tree closer to Christmas for the front room if you want,” he says. He’s not sure why Kurt’s emotional, but he wants Kurt to know that he can have whatever he wants.

“I feel so loved, Blaine. It’s overwhelming. To look around and know that you all did this for me? I’m overcome with it. And how? How did you all do this so quickly? It’s all so beautiful, Blaine. This is one of those times where I need you to know that I see you. I know how scared you were, how scared you still are. I can see that it hasn’t completely left your beautiful eyes. I love you, sweetheart. I feel your love for me, and thank you for this, all of this.”

“I love you, too, and you’re right. I find myself constantly looking around for you, making sure you are safe and haven’t disappeared. But we’ll get through this together. As for how we pulled this off? Well, I simply turned the girls loose with my credit card and your Pinterest board,” he chuckles. 

“It’s all so perfect because it’s all from a place of love. If I had done it, it would have been beautiful. We would have had a nice Christmas, but it wouldn't have meant this much. It would have just been decorations. But this—I’m, Blaine, it’s, love—”

“I know, sweetheart, I know.” Blaine leans over carefully and kisses Kurt on the cheek. “You holding up okay? I know this is a lot of hustle and bustle, but with how stir crazy you’ve been, I thought maybe you’d welcome the distraction.”

“Yeah, but I’m getting drained and fuzzy. I don’t want to miss anything, but I think I need to go to bed soon.” 

“How about we feed you the delicious healthy meal Carole’s been working on— you need all vitamins, proteins, and omegas your doctors recommended, then we’ll get you to bed, alright?”

Kurt closes his eyes and rests his head against the back of the couch, and nods. “Love you with all that I am, Blaine Blaine,” he whispers before he falls asleep instantly. 

\----~---------------------~---

A curly-haired man figures a fifteen-minute nap can’t hurt. He decides to help Carole finish up dinner, so he can get the love of his life tucked into bed sooner rather than later. He doesn’t like that Kurt can still see the fear in his eyes, but this concussion scares him. Kurt is not himself. And while he will love him forever, no matter what, he wants to do all he can to help him get better—more for Kurt’s sake than anyone else's. It has to be a strange feeling to have an injury where you know your mind isn't working like it’s supposed to, but you can’t do anything about it. 

Closing his eyes, he thinks maybe doing all he can may include having a little more faith that everything will be okay and knowing they are right where they should be. _Please, please, help me be able to help Kurt. Please give us the strength to get through this and be better for it._ He sends his silent prayer off into the universe, hoping once more that it will be answered.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warnings for this Chapter:** None. (Talk about safewords but one isn't used)  
>   
>  **Authors Notes:**  
>  These boys! Love them so much.
> 
> For those of you who like the little details, this Chapter covers **December 4th-5th**. 
> 
> \------  
> You can find artwork (and aesthetics aka "mood boards") and other related posts to this chapter on my Tumblr page [GleefulPoppet](https://gleefulpoppet.tumblr.com/), I'll be adding things over the next month. And I try to add the artwork to the chapter each night as well.
> 
> [Click Here to See Larger on Tumblr](https://gleefulpoppet.tumblr.com/post/633454971952758784/chapter-26-change-the-voices-in-your-head-posted)


	27. Want to Vanish Inside Your Kiss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Word Count: 6k+ [Warnings can be found in the notes if you need them]

“Good morning, Sunshine.”

“Bee,” a groggy voice returns without opening his eyes. “‘What time is it? Feels late.”

“Well, my darling, it’s after ten. You slept through the night.”

Kurt's eyes fly open as he looks over at Blaine, “Oh my gosh, I slept twelve hours, really?”

“You did!”

“No, nightmares? I sort of remember one, but did it not wake me up?”

“You had one, love. But I just rubbed your arm and kept whispering to you that you were okay. You seemed to settle down? You didn’t wake up all the way.”

“Thank you, honey. Are you okay? I know I keep waking you up. Are you getting enough sleep?” Kurt has a worried expression on his face. The truth is Kurt is just as concerned about Blaine as Blaine is about him.

“I’m fine, Kurt, I promise.”

Kurt looks down at his torso and gasps, “Blaine, what? Holy—!” He starts experimentally poking at himself.

“I know, sweetheart.” Blaine sits up, pulling Kurt’s hand away from where he’s pressing on the alarming purple and green bruises that have taken up residence all over the left side of his body. “The doctor told us a lot of these wouldn’t show up for a few days, remember? You're okay, I promise.” 

Kurt nods but closes his eyes, trying to take a few deep breaths. He wonders how long it will be until he recognizes his own body again.

“Come on, let’s get you in a hot shower. I bet you’ll want to see all the Christmas decorations done and spend some time with your dad and Carole before they need to leave, yeah?”

“Yes, that sounds perfect. Are you going to help me with my shower?” It sounds perfectly innocent coming out of Kurt’s mouth, but Blaine knows that tone under any circumstance.

“Of course, I am! What kind of boyfriend would I be if I didn’t help you with _all_ your problems, _hmmm_?” he says as he lightly teases over the bulge in Kurt’s pajama pants.

\---------------------------------

When they make it out into the living room, they are holding hands and laughing. There are only so many hypothetical ship pairings in Lord of the Rings before it gets outright ridiculous, and really who needs to picture some of them? They couldn’t help but be in a silly mood after that conversation.

“Well, good morning, boys,” Carole says from the kitchen as they walk in. “There is a fresh smoothie for you, Kurt, and there is fresh coffee for you, Blaine.” Kurt pouts and starts grumbling about being restricted from caffeine for another six days into his ten-day prohibition.

Blaine kisses him on the cheek and coos at him, “Baby, I won’t drink it either then.” 

“ _Pffff_! There is no reason for both of us to be miserable, and I don’t expect you to make those kinds of epic sacrifices, my good sir!” Kurt teases back. "Carry on!" He then leans over to Blaine’s ear and whispers as quietly as he can, “Maybe, I’ll kiss it right out of your mouth.” 

Blaine blushes and nuzzles his cheek against Kurt’s.

Burt watches the interaction relaxing further into his chair. With every passing day being in their home and seeing how they are with each other, he knows without a shadow of a doubt in his mind that these two are the real deal. He can see their connection, sees the love they have for each other runs more profound than the short time they’ve spent together. He recognizes it from his time with Elizabeth. He takes a deep breath and sends a silent thank you to the universe to allow his son this happiness, this magic, this pure love in his life. That after everything he’s been through, he was allowed this beautiful miracle. 

“Dad? Dad, what’s wrong?” He realizes that Kurt is standing by his chair, squeezing his shoulder. He opens his eyes only to realize he has a tear sliding down his cheek, wiping it away quickly, clearing his throat, and tapping Kurt's hand reassuringly.

“Nothing, son. Just glad to see you happy.”

“I am happy, dad, so happy.”

“Good. Good.”

Kurt can see that his dad feels awkward about his emotional display, so he quickly changes the subject. “I can’t believe you all got the house decorated so quickly last night. It’s gorgeous. Thank you so much. I feel so loved. It’s all so perfect.” 

He looks at the massive tree sparkling and twinkling in the living room in awe. 

“It was amazing how your friends came together for you two. And Burt and I enjoyed helping.” Carole says sweetly from where she’s curled up in the chair next to Burt.

“It was wonderful, and thanks to you two for being here. I agree it’s all gorgeous! Listen, I thought that maybe we could have our Sunday Waffle conversation for lunch today so that you can join us?” Blaine looks over at Carole and Burt.

Kurt jumps into the conversation, “Oh! Yes, please, let’s do that. We’ll pick an excellent question.”

“You know, Kurt, we should just start calling it Sunday Wafflesation!” his face lights up as he waggles his eyebrows.

Kurt bursts out laughing. “You’re too much, bee, but admittedly I love it. ‘Sunday Wafflesation’!” he sing-songs the title and then bumps Blaine’s hip lightly before giving him a quick kiss. 

“Uhh, Sunday Wafflesation? What is that?” Burt asks with a half-smile. _These two weirdos sure kept life interesting._

“Blaine and I promised each other that for the rest of our lives, we’d have Sunday night waffles together and a conversation. So each week, we take turns picking a question, and we go from there. This week will be our eighth one,” Kurt says proudly.

“That is the best thing I’ve ever heard. You two are building such a strong foundation under yourselves,” Carole says.

Kurt and Blaine look at each other, each missing a breath and then smiling at each other knowingly. 

“And that is the best compliment we could have ever received, Carole. Thank you,” Blaine says.

\------------------------------

A few hours later, they are all in the kitchen again, whipping up Elizabeth’s famous waffle recipe and making a topping bar for them. Christmas carols are playing on the sound system, and it’s lightly snowing over New York City. The view from the loft is beautiful.

“So are you all set with Marley then? Nice of her to come over earlier to help you get ready for the next couple of weeks. You feeling okay about school now, son?” Burt asks.

“Yeah! She helped me go through my calendar and my projects, and we made a schedule and some lists and things. She’ll be with me when I talk to my teachers to make sure I’m getting everything done. She even helped me make piles of what I need to take to school each day, so I don’t have to think about each morning. She’s incredible.”

“She certainly is. I tease her all too often that I wish I could adopt her as my sister,” Blaine grins. 

When it’s time to plate up the waffles, they all sit down at the table together. 

“Alright, so drumroll please, it’s my turn to ask the question this week. Everyone ready?”

“Ready!” Burt, Carole, and Kurt say at the same time, making them all laugh. 

“‘What are some of your favorite family traditions?’ And it can be one you’ve done in the past or even want to start in the future. So who wants to go first?”

“Me! I’ll say one now and keep thinking of some more,” Kurt pipes in quickly. “One of my favorite things is how every Christmas Eve we open one present, and it’s always new pajamas. We watch Muppet Christmas Carol and have glazed donuts with melted butter on top.” 

Burt chuckles, thinking of all the pajamas he’s bought over the years, “Yeah, I like that one, too.”

Carole takes a turn, “When I was a little girl, the Wizard of Oz was only on TV once a year around Easter or springtime, and when it would come on, my mom would make a big deal about it. We’d have dinner and dress up in our best clothes, sing all the songs. It was magical.”

“I never knew that, Carole. That is such a beautiful tradition,” Kurt looks at her lovingly. “Next time you come here, we should do that. I would love it.” 

“That would be delightful, honey.” She smiles big at him, so thankful to have Kurt in her life who treats her with so much respect and gives so much love to her freely. 

“What about you, Dad?”

“I gotta go with Friday night dinners. I liked having that to look forward to even when it was hard. Especially as our family dynamics changed with significant loss, and it was obvious that people we loved were missing from the table. It made us all strong, and we’ve never forgotten what’s sacred, what matters.”

Everyone at the table is choked up, but Burt doesn’t want to dwell on it. “What about you, buddy? Did your family have some traditions?” he nods to Blaine. 

Blaine takes a deep breath to get a hold of himself, “Yeah. We, uh. When I was younger, we always went on a yearly family vacation. My dad, he worked a lot, so we actually got to spend some time with him. They always picked a new place. We got to go see a lot of the world that way.” 

“Oh, that sounds wonderful, honey. Where did you go?” Carole asks.

“Paris, London, Hawaii, Australia, Italy, and Peru are some of the ones I remember off the top of my head.” He pauses for a minute and then looks at Kurt with a questioning face. Kurt looks back, not quite understanding what Blaine is asking him.

“Kurt and I were talking about family in one of our milestone conversations, and we both thought it might be nice to rent a beach house every year and invite my parents and the two of you to come along. That way, every year, we’d get to have something that wasn’t about a holiday. We want to start a new tradition with Anderson-Hummels. Would you ever be interested in something like that?”

Kurt grabs his hand under the table, squeezing it hard. His heart is about to beat out of his chest. Anderson-Hummel. Anderson-Hummel. Blaine just used that in a casual sentence, and the feeling he’s had since the hospital consumes him. He wants to be Blaine’s permanently.

“Well, wow! You two have big plans. I mean, I’m not opposed to such an idea, but, I mean, that’s uhh, generous of ya, seems like uh—?”

Kurt grins and turns to Blaine, “Now you see where I get it, bee?” Blaine throws his head back and laughs and then nods yes, leaning over to kiss Kurt’s cheek.

“Dad, we’re working out our finances for things like this. There is nothing more important to either of us than family, and we’ll be smart about it. It’s something that we want to prioritize, so stop fussing over it. We’d love for you and Carole to join us, and we’ll let you know the dates soon. We want to plan it starting this summer.” 

His dad throws his hands up in mock surrender, “Alright, alright. I’ve learned better than to argue with you.” They all laugh. The conversation heads to brainstorming ideas, talking about more family traditions and what Kurt wants to do for his graduation weekend in less than two weeks. 

Sooner than Kurt would like, he’s hugging his parents good-bye when the house phone lets them all know their car for the airport has arrived. The sting of letting them go is lessened by knowing he’ll see them in eleven days when they are back the day before his graduation. Hugs are given to Blaine, too, and he once again marvels that Burt’s arms so easily wrap around him and that he can say things like, “Love ya, kiddo. Thanks for taking care of my boy,” like it’s the easiest thing in the world. As they walk out the door, he remembers something else Burt had mentioned in a conversation this weekend, “You shouldn't let things stay unsaid, especially telling people what they mean to you.” 

As the door shuts, he’s abruptly brought out of his thoughts as Kurt throws himself into his arms with a wince. Blaine knows how he feels. They haven’t been alone the way they are used to in almost a week, except for the few hours they had on Saturday, and those were mostly spent helping keep Kurt’s anxiety to manageable levels. 

“I’ve missed you,” Kurt says into Blaine’s neck as he starts kissing it. “I know I have school tomorrow, and you have a huge week at work with all the applications due tomorrow, but, Blaine, can we curl up on the couch for a while, please?” 

“I would love that. Come on, love,” Blaine says as he takes his hand and leads him over to their talking spot. He lays down first on his side, scooting all the way back against the back before Kurt sits down, and Blaine helps him lay on his back next to him, his head resting on his arm. “Will this work? Are you okay?”

“This is perfect,” Kurt sighs and closes his eyes as Blaine nuzzles into his neck. They lay there listening to the rhythm of their hearts and the whispering sounds of their breathing. They feel the pull on their souls towards each other and, as always, the buzzing electricity beneath their skin.

“Are we going to talk about it yet?” Kurt finally asks about fifteen minutes later. 

“About what, love?” Blaine asks.

“You know exactly what,” Kurt says, his breath catching in his chest. 

“Kurt, I, I—my thoughts are—” Blaine stumbles. He's not even sure he knows what Kurt is talking about, and if it's what he thinks it might be, he honestly has no idea what to say.

“What did I say in the hospital that has you lost in your thoughts so often? I remember the first day I woke up saying all kinds of things, but I have zero recollection of what they were, and I have a feeling it’s where the look in your eyes is coming from. Not the fear I see there, too, but the other look. Safe space, Blaine. Please talk to me. I know you are so worried about me, but I’m just as worried about you.”

Blaine shuts his eyes and takes a deep breath. He leans over and kisses Kurt in a tender sweet press to his lips, trying to gather his thoughts and his courage. When he pulls back, he finally says, “It’s nothing, and it’s _everything_ , Kurt. You just confessed your greatest fear to me. In the moment of the fight where you were most scared, you said that you thought they were going to take you away from me before we were—”

“Married,” Kurt finishes for him. He doesn’t remember confessing that to Blaine, but he remembers vividly in great detail that _that_ was the only thing going through his mind before he started losing consciousness. 

“Yes, and you told me that your heart hurts so bad because it’s too small to hold all your love for me, Kurt,” Blaine can barely get the words out. He’s still overcome with Kurt's confession—to feel so loved by this man fills him with awe.

Kurt inhales sharply. Turns his head to Blaine and kisses him in a way that pours all of his love into it, wanting Blaine to know how true those words were, even if they spilled from his lips when he wasn’t aware of what he was saying.

“It’s true. Everything I told you is true, even if I wouldn’t have put all of that pressure on you consciously,” Kurt sighs heavily.

“Pressure?”

“Blaine, you already know how I feel about how much I want to marry you. We made a plan, I agreed to it, and I’m trying to live by it. You don’t need me telling you every single day that the more I fall in love with you, the more I want it. I know you’ll ask me when you’re ready—when you feel like _we’re_ ready. But, in that horrifying moment faced with the reality that I might not come out the other side of what was happening to me, it intrinsically brings me comfort that marrying you was my last thought in some way.”

Blaine noticeably flinches at his words. He doesn’t even want to think about Kurt not having come through this. “What do you mean?”

“We’ve talked a lot about the timing and how much we want this. Mostly we’re concerned about others. And we’ve talked about—I don’t know, I guess the only way I know how to phrase it is that we wanted to make sure this is all coming from a place of our soulbond—being soulmates and not from a place of infatuation. And at that moment, I knew for sure, Blaine. I could feel that tether to you, and it almost shattered me to think about not being with you again. It almost hurt worse than what was happening to me. To think about not having belonged to you in this lifetime. I know beyond all doubt and reason what I want, Blaine, but I can wait, honey.”

Blaine is crying in Kurt’s neck. Kurt can feel the hot saltwater tears pooling in the dip of his collarbone, and he feels marked by them somehow. This whole thing has been horrible for both of them, but he would live through it again to know _for sure_ that Blaine was the keeper of his heart forever. He knew that before, but now he **_knows_** it. The bashing was his burning, and he has risen from the ashes; the truth is now his Phoenix. He belongs to Blaine and always will.

“Kurt, love, I don’t know what to say. You know I love you, too, right? You know I want to marry you more than anything, right? Please tell me you know that?”

“Of course I do. I never had an ounce of doubt about that in any of those moments, not ever.” Kurt tries to rub the side of Blaine's face, but his right arm is pinned under both of them, and it’s hard to reach his left one over without hurting his ribs. 

“And Kurt, I never want you to hold back your feelings from me, honey. Ever. You can always talk to me, baby.”

“I know. I do know that, but even I was getting sick of hearing myself. We _have_ talked about it. I promise I wasn’t keeping something back we haven't talked about before, but I did need to set some of those feelings on ice for a little bit because they are overwhelming.”

“Are they still? Be honest with me.”

Kurt laughs a little bit, a huge grin takes over his face, “Oh honey, now they are a million times stronger than they were before the incident. I promise you I am okay, though, and I can wait.” 

“So, you honestly don’t feel like if we decided to get married now that it wouldn’t be out of fear of losing each other?”

“Blaine, I’m always going to be afraid of losing you, and I know that is one of your biggest fears— losing me. The fear has nothing to do with getting married. The fear comes from simply being in love. I don’t want to marry you because I fear losing you. I want to marry you because I want to belong to you in a way that matters to me, to both of us. It matters in a way that so many people like us never got to enjoy. I want to be part of the legacy of love that we will leave behind us. But mostly I want to marry you because the soulbond, that voice in me keeps screaming for it, and it would be really nice if I could get it to quit yapping at me!” he bursts out laughing. “Sorry, I know it’s not funny, but it’s sorta true.” 

Blaine is laughing too, “Oh my gosh, you always have a way of saying things I have no idea how to say. I feel that way too. Some days, I just want to scream, ‘Fine! We’re married, are you happy now? Can I please enjoy my coffee without your incessant nagging?’ I mean, right?”

“Exactly! Let’s get married so we can have some quiet time in our heads.”

“The problem is that once we’re married, we’re going to hear it start nudging us—”

“Don’t say it, Blaine Blaine! Please don’t say it! No, no, no, no!”

Blaine snuggles into his ear and starts whispering, “Nurseries, and tiny little baby clothes, and lullabies and—”

“Shhhhhh!!! Hush you! Let me believe I’m going to have some peace for a few years after we finally slip rings on each other's fingers. And I say finally like we’ve been dating eight years instead of eight and half weeks, but you know it feels like it’s been longer than that.” 

“I know, baby. I know.”

“Are you okay? You haven’t really shared what your thoughts are. I’ve been dominating the conversation as per usual,” Kurt asks.

“I feel the same way, honey. When I got that call and literally got sick to my stomach, I just kept thinking that there is no way this could be it because we were supposed to have time to get married. _We were supposed to have time_. That phrase just repeated in my head over and over. Then it dawned on me that we aren’t guaranteed any amount of time together. None of this is certain. We might not be so lucky next time. And I don’t want to waste these minutes I have with you, Kurt. They all mean something to me. You mean everything to me.” 

“I don't want to waste any either. I love you, Honey Bee. You are my everything, too, and you’ll know when it’s right. I trust you to know for both of us, and I’m going to be right here by your side every moment we have.”

“Love you, too, sweetheart.” 

They lay together for a while longer, trading sweet, lazy kisses, and Blaine makes sure to give Kurt’s neck the attention it deserves being mindful of all his stitches. 

“Blaine?”

“Hmmm?” he moves from Kurt’s neck to look at him.

“In the hospital, there was a day you were singing to me. I was still sort of drugged up, but I remember hearing the word sunshine in the song, and I can’t for the life of me remember if it was real or I imagined it, or what you were singing. Do you remember?”

“Of course, I remember. In fact, when I started singing it to you, I couldn’t believe I didn’t remember it had the word sunshine in it and I wondered why I haven’t been singing it to you every day since I met you. You want me to sing it for you or just tell you?”

“I actually need to get up and walk around, and I need a minute. We’ve been lying here for a long time. Then will you sing it to me with the piano or the guitar again?”

“Of course! Just meet me back here when you’re ready. I’ve missed singing with you. If you’re up for it, maybe we can sing a song or two. Then I’ll get us some dinner, and we’ll get you in bed early tonight. You have a big week ahead.”

“Sounds perfect!” Blaine helps Kurt get up from the couch, he inhales sharply when Kurt winces, but they’ve stopped saying anything about it. Kurt just hurts. That is all there is to it.

When Kurt comes back into the room, he starts laughing. Blaine is at the piano playing the song through. “Of course, I should know [this song](http://www.lyrics-24.com/lyrics,glee-cast-youre-my-best-friend.html)! Now, I remember.” He slides in next to Blaine on the piano bench as Blaine starts singing to him. 

_Ooo you make me live  
__Whatever this world can give to me  
__It’s you you’re all I see  
__Ooo you make me live now honey  
__Ooo you make me live  
__You’re the best friend that I ever had  
__I’ve been with you such a long time  
__You’re my_ ** _sunshine  
_**_And I want you to know  
__That my feelings are true  
__I really love you_  
_You’re my best friend_  
[...]

Kurt grins and laughs through the song, his heart overflowing with love and happiness. These are the moments that make life worth living, the moments to live for. When Blaine is finished with the song, he gives Kurt a hundred silly kisses all over his face and neck.

“I love you, and you are my best friend,” Blaine whispers into his ear.

“Love you, too, and you are the best friend I’ve ever had and always will be,” Kurt replies.

Blaine leans over and kisses Kurt deeply. The emotions and toll of the week come pouring out of both of them, pressing all their fear, love, hurt, friendship, desire, pain into the kiss begging each other to make it _all better_ with each press of their lips.

“Blaine, please. Can we try, please,” Kurt begs.

“Baby, we—” Blaine tries to get out before he’s cut off by Kurt kissing him.

“Can we just try? I promise I’ll tell you if I’m hurting too much. Please, Blaine, I need that connection with you.” He kisses Blaine’s cheek while sliding his hand down to rub up and down Blaine’s thigh.

“Kurt, honey...I—don’t think—” Kurt starts biting down on his collarbone. “Oh, damn—just—okay, we can try.” 

Blaine stands up and pulls Kurt by the hand, helping him up from the piano bench. Kurt slides his hands under Blaine’s shirt and lifts it off over his head, running his fingers down Blaine’s back, diving into his neck to start making marks. Kurt walks behind Blaine the whole way to the bedroom, his arms wrapped around his waist, biting at his back and nipping at his ears.

The second they reach the bedroom, Kurt has Blaine pressed up against the wall with his hands on his shoulders, careful not to push his ribs into his body. They kiss frantically, still so many emotions on the surface for both of them, as they work to get the rest of their clothing off each other. Eventually, Kurt finds himself tenderly being helped to lie on his back in the middle of the bed with a bottle of lube in his hands. 

Blaine straddles his lap very carefully, “You okay?” He leans over and kisses him,

“ _Mmmhmmm_.” 

“Can you reach me? Do you want to stretch me?” He takes the lube from Kurt to open it. As he looks back down at Kurt, he can see he’s turned bright red. “What? What are you embarrassed about?”

“Well, I umm I do want to stretch you so bad I can barely stand it but, it might be easier if you turn around.” Kurt can barely get the words out, he feels shy about asking Blaine to put himself on display like that, but his cock decides to betray him by showing just how much he loves the idea by jumping. 

Blaine slowly turns a beautiful matching shade, the blush traveling from his chest up to his cheeks. He leans down and kisses Kurt smiling, “Anything for you, beautiful. Even having my ass on full display.”

“Mmm, you know I’ll love it. I happen to think it’s the finest in all of New York.”

Blaine climbs off Kurt’s lap only to turn and climb back up, straddling Kurt the opposite way. “Well, distract me then from how exposed I feel then!” 

Kurt is still shy, but he can’t deny how much he loves this. He pulls his fingers up Blaine’s thighs, digging the fingertips into him before he pours some lube on his fingers. He massages Blaine’s cheeks a few times, and he can’t help the loud moan that escapes his mouth. Seriously, he has the best ass, ever. He slowly brings a finger down, gently massaging around the outside of his hole before he slips a finger in, now it’s Blaine’s turn to moan. 

Blaine, for his part, feels strange being on display like this but appreciated by Kurt. He’s making him feel so loved. But there is the small issue of the fact that his face is hovering so near Kurt’s hard, tantalizing cock. He wants it in his mouth, now. 

“Kurt, baby, when you get better, we maybe need to try this position again because I want you in my mouth.” 

Kurt’s answer is another loud moan, “Holy hell, yes, Blaine. I never thought I’d be into that but having you like this. It’s making me want to do all sorts of things with you. The thought of us doing that at the same time? Damn.” 

He slips another finger into Blaine, getting more and more turned on with each passing second. With his free hand, he reaches between Blaine’s legs and massages his skin and balls that are hanging down proudly for Kurt to admire. The longer it goes on, the hotter their skin gets. The sounds they are emanating are making them both crazy with need for each other. Finally, Kurt’s worked in the third finger, and Blaine can’t help but start pushing back on them, trying to get any kind of relief. For a moment, he reaches down and strokes his own cock a few times. 

“Oh, hell, Kurt. I didn’t know how much I needed this. I’ve been so worried about you I haven’t even let myself think about it. I want you inside of me so bad, honey. Please!”

“Turn around, hurry!” Kurt says as he pulls his fingers out, pouring more lube on them so he can lube up his throbbing cock. By the time Blaine is straddling him again, Kurt’s holding himself lubed up for Blanie to start sliding down on. He goes slowly, enjoying the burn as Kurt's length starts to fill him.

“Holy damn, Kurt. You are so big. I can’t get over it. I never want to get over it. The way you make me feel so full. Damn, damn, damn,” he breathes out as he continues to try to bottom out.

He has his hands on his thighs, trying to hold all of his weight in his knees and shins. Once he’s bottomed out, they sit still for a minute. The connection is all that matters. Yes, it’s hot, and they are both worked up almost beyond reason, but this, this is what they’ve missed the most. That deep connection where they can feel their bodies as one and the tether around their hearts seems to sigh in relief every time they have this moment. 

“Love you.”

“Love you, too.”

“Sweetheart, I’m. Oh, stars. I’m going to start moving. You’re going to tell me if I’m hurting you right—you promise?” Blaine begs through stuttered words as the need to ride Kurt takes over him entirely.

“Yes. Promise. Promise. Move, please!”

“Can you, can we try, put your knees up behind me a bit, honey?”

Kurt immediately complies, moaning at just that small movement of Blaine shifting on him.

“That okay?” Blaine asks, and Kurt moans yes in response.

Blaine leans back and braces himself on Kurt’s knees and lifts and then slowly slides down. This is something they’ve never tried before, but he doesn’t want to have his hands anywhere near Kurt's torso or neck. He slowly does this a few more times, watching Kurt’s face with rapt attention looking for any sign of distress.

“Bee! Oh, _Mmmmm_ ,” Kurt is falling apart underneath him, a few moments of bliss in all of the pain and heartache of the last week. “I’m fine, baby. Promise. Keep going. Harder if you want. Need you so much. You're so damn hot,” he babbles.

Blaine's thighs are on fire, but so is his desire for Kurt. He picks up a harder, faster rhythm chasing after Kurt’s release inside of him. He wants to feel the warmth. Feeling assured that Kurt seems to be doing okay, he closes his eyes and surrenders to their love and pleasure. The energy swirls around them—tingles his skin, makes him feel alive in a way he never knew he could before Kurt. 

Then he feels Kurt bring his nails down hard from his hip down his thighs down to his knees before he starts stroking his cock, rubbing his balls and skin with his other hand. 

“Baby! I’m not going to last if you keep doing that.” 

“Don’t care. Need to touch you. I just needed to feel you surround me. It’s okay. Baby, let go when you’re ready.”

“But I want you to come first,” Blaine moans out, opening his eyes for a moment to check on Kurt again, watching the way every muscle in his body is moving to see if there is anything he knows is causing Kurt pain. He shifts his hips leaning back more, continuing to lift and slide back down as hard as he dares. 

Kurt moans at the new angle and unconsciously thrusts his hips up hard to meet Blaine’s downward movement, which was a huge mistake. He winces loudly—gasping. He stretched his ribs too far. The pain shoots through his body. He’s over it in a moment and wants to keep going, but there is no way Blaine will let that pass, so he immediately stops. 

“Kurt! Damn it, honey. You okay?”

“Yes, sorry. That was me. Please, please, Blaine, don’t stop. I’ll be more careful, please!” he’s almost crying. If Blaine stops now, he thinks he might die from the fire burning within him.

“Kurt, I don’t—”

“PLEASE! Blaine, please. I need this,” he’s begging, and he’s not even ashamed. 

Blaine is hesitant, but he’s not going to pretend he doesn’t want the same thing. He leans over, putting one arm on each side of the bed by Kurt’s shoulders, locking his elbows, and starts rocking his hips up and down again, making sure to keep as much room between their chests as he can manage. 

They find a new rhythm. They find that place that is magic between them where they both tend to babble sweet nothings, mixed in with a few choice words, I love you’s, and encouragement that the other is doing everything right. For a few precious minutes, they are able to fully relax into what is familiar and beautiful.

“Blaine!” Kurt yells out suddenly. He can feel the wave of pleasure about to overtake his whole body. He reaches down and starts stroking Blaine while he waits for it to pull him under. He reaches up with his free hand and cradles Blaine’s face. With the touch, Blaine opens his eyes. They meet each other’s gaze and don’t let it go until Kurt’s eyes start to hood, throwing his head back and starts chanting Blaine’s name over and over again as he comes. He feels Blaine’s release. It’s warm across his chest and hand—his name echoes through the room.

Blaine immediately pulls off and grabs one of the hand towels they leave in the stack by their bed to clean them up before he lays down beside him, wrapping his hand around Kurt’s lower belly, hugging him. 

“That was beyond amazing, baby, thank you. You okay, love?” He whispers into Kurt’s ear. 

“You did all the work, honey, so, thank you! I needed that. I love you so much, Blaine. So very much,” he says sleepily. Typically he’s not the one to start to nod off after sex, but he’s not himself right now. He drifts off into a place between reality and his dreams. The only thought on his mind, the overwhelming love he has for his “Honey Bee.” 

\----~---------------------~---

A curly-haired man lays dazed and exhausted from incredible sex in the arms of the man he knows he wants to spend forever with. The conversation he had earlier with Kurt plays through his mind over and over again. He keeps thinking about the words of faith and trust Kurt had shared, “You’ll know when it’s right, I trust you to know for both of us.”

Maybe it’s time to visit 610 5th Avenue.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warnings for this Chapter:** Consensual sex/riding, talk about 69, stretching/fingering,   
>   
> **Authors Notes:**
> 
> For those of you who like the little details, this Chapter covers **December 6th**. 
> 
> \------  
> You can find artwork (and aesthetics aka "mood boards") and other related posts to this chapter on my Tumblr page [GleefulPoppet](https://gleefulpoppet.tumblr.com/), I'll be adding things over the next month. And I try to add the artwork to the chapter each night as well.
> 
> [Click Here to See Larger on Tumblr  
>   
> ](https://gleefulpoppet.tumblr.com/post/633547499373821952/chapter-27-want-to-vanish-inside-your-kiss)


	28. Baby, It's Cold Outside

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Word Count: 5500k+ [Warnings can be found in the notes if you need them]

“Good Morning, Sunshine!” Blaine sings out in a tune he made up on the spot.

Kurt smirks at him, out of breath and panting. “Mmmhm, good morning, my Honey Bee. Thank you for that, by the way. What a way to wake up.”

Blaine moves up from under the covers, crawling up Kurt’s body to kiss him, letting him taste himself on his tongue. They go at it for several minutes before Blaine pulls away.

“I’m pretty sure that is the only proper way to wake you up for your graduation day.”

“Well, if you say so, I’m not going to argue. Although you can wake me up like that any time you want to,” he laughs before smacking Blaine with a kiss on the lips playfully.

“Duly noted,” Blaine teases. “Now, since you're still hard, you insane man, although it’s good to know that you’re feeling more like yourself every day, should we go take a shower and I’ll do it again? Then we’ll get ready early for your big day?”

Kurt rolls him over carefully, so grateful his ribs are healing quickly. They still hurt like hell, but it’s nothing he can’t handle, especially today of all days. “I have a better idea,” he says as he slides under the sheet down Blaine's body to return the favor.

After hearing Blaine cry out his name and tangling tongues for another ten minutes, a tickling war and several huge hugs later, they are resting snuggled up, looking into each other’s eyes.

“It’s been a hell of a few weeks, hasn’t it, bee?” Kurt says.

“It really has.” Blaine drags his fingers up and down Kurt’s side softly, reflecting on everything that has happened. “If we said it all out loud, nobody would believe us. We wouldn’t have believed us three weeks ago.”

“You’re probably right. Let’s see...first, there was me getting the hell beat out of me and landing in the hospital unconscious.”

“Me getting the worst phone call of my life and not knowing for over ten hours what was happening.”

“My parents flying here, and meeting my boyfriend while I was unconscious during said incident.”

“You getting a severe concussion and the strict protocols you were on for ten days. The therapy you are still getting. Although, baby, you seem to be doing a little better every day.”

“Yes, for sure. I’m still not back to where I was, the doctor said it would be another few months—at least, but I don't feel like there is so much mud clogging up my brain—to put it technically.”

“I’m glad, Sunshine. I’ve been proud of how you’ve tried to do everything the doctors have told you even though you couldn’t work on school the way you wanted to.”

“Yeah, it’s been hard, really hard. But you know that from the meltdowns that I’ve had—and the meltdowns you prevented when I’m able to ask you for help first. Thank you for that, by the way. I know I tell you when it happens but, Blaine, the way you can get me outside of my head. I just love you so much for figuring that out and the way you help me through it.”

“Always, baby. Always. Anytime you need it. And I’m grateful I can help you too. I’ve noticed you seem to be able to move more today, are your ribs feeling better too? Maybe we can have some more wall makeout sessions soon. We both need those,” he laughs, and his voice is teasing, but they both know that the rough play they had started to explore was helping both of them before the incident. 

“Yes, Mr. Anderson. I look forward to you slamming me up against a wall and having your wicked way with me very soon. Maybe by the time my parents leave on Monday, I’ll be well enough for it.” 

“Oh yes, let’s add that to the list. Your parents came back last night, which isn’t a hardship, but we’re just making a list. I’m very excited to spend time with them. I love them so much and feel so happy around them. I’m nervous for them to meet my family this weekend.”

“It will be fine, bee. Let’s not worry about the future. Let’s keep making our list. I’m feeling very accomplished as we list all of this that we’ve done or overcome.”

“Okay, well, there was you returning to school with Marley, and the two of you making me insanely jealous as she got to spend more time with you than I did the last two weeks.”

“We did, but it was also weird to have her with me in class. To have to admit I couldn’t do it all on my own. To have worked _so hard_ the last three and a half years and feel like I needed help over the finish line was gut-wrenching. But maybe that was the biggest lesson I needed to learn here at the end. I don't have to do everything by myself anymore. I have an amazing support system around me for the first time in my life. I couldn't believe how everyone, the professors, and the students all came together to help me. Especially once word got out on what actually happened.”

“I’ve been so proud of the way you’ve been asking and accepting help, Kurt. And speaking of word getting out. _Ugh,_ shall we mention all the articles and gossip blogs using your bravery to be noisier than usual? You handled all of that so well too, Sunshine. Have I told you how much I love you?”

“I love you, too. And I’m sort of over all those vultures. I think it’s kind of funny. Oh! And we haven’t mentioned your Instagram account blowing up after we posted some more pictures. All of which were super creative since I refuse to let you post pictures of my face until it heals more. Although I’m still laughing at my dad’s face when I told him I sort of hope, I got a scar out of all this. Good times. Good times.”

“Speaking of which, how about the day you got all your stitches out? You were so grossed out and so happy all at the same time. I’m still sorry that I started laughing when you made your “Oh!” face when the last stitch came out of your neck. It’s just—I’d never seen you make that face outside of us having insanely fabulous sex, and it caught me off guard.” 

“Really, Blaine? Really? Did you have to remind me? But in all fairness, they were itching so bad and driving me bonkers it almost, _almost_ felt as good as an orgasm to get them out.” 

“ _Hmmm,_ maybe I need to be better in bed if that is the case.” Blaine nuzzles into his neck, biting at his collarbone.

“Oh, stop it. You know you’re amazing in bed. And you’ve been hella creative the last few weeks on getting us both off. I mean, who knew the ribs were so vital to one’s sex life?” Kurt giggles at the thought and then shudders and how often he winced, but he has needs that connection with Blaine. It was all worth it. 

“Anything to keep that libido of yours happy!” Blaine teases back and kisses him on the cheek. 

“Well, thank you. Let’s see what else? Oh my gosh, how can we not be mentioning the twenty-three interviews you did? That was absurd.”

Blaine props himself up on his elbow so he can look Kurt directly in the eyes. “And what did I tell you, Kurt? We didn’t even come close to finding anyone as qualified as you were for the job. We found a few interesting people, but no one that I’m over the moon about. We’ll go over them together Tuesday and see if there are any you would want to come back for a second interview. Now that you’re done with school, we can finish it up. But if we don’t hire anyone, I’m okay with it. I got what I wanted and dreamed of for the position. And I hope with all my heart, you feel even better about taking the job now, Kurt. I told you, but now you have the proof, you were always the one for this job. No one even came close to having your skill set and experience.”

“Thank you, bee. I’m sorry you went to all that trouble just for me and then didn’t end up with anyone you even wanted for the second position.” 

“No, no, no—Kurt, we’ve been through this. I would do it all again just to prove to you how worthy you were—you are— for this. Besides, the process you came up with is something we’re going to be using more and more to hire in the future—we all loved it. And you’ll still need help as we grow the department, I’m just not sure we found anyone this round. Kurt, please, it all worked out just exactly as it should have.” 

Kurt lets out a deep sigh, trying to release any remaining slivers of doubt or guilt. It’s time to move on from this conversation once and for all, and he needs to let it go and instead concentrate on building the future. He’s taken the job, and he can’t wait to start in January. 

“Thank you, Blaine. I am thrilled and ecstatic to start. You’re right. It’s all worked out the way it should.”

“It did. So what about the next thing? How do you feel about yesterday, baby?”

“I’m not going to lie, I feel a little sad. It was hard to say goodbye to everyone I’ve worked with. It was hard to pack up my desk. I kept having these surreal moments of realizing that I really did work at Vogue for almost six years fresh out of high school. But nothing could have prepared me for hugging Isabelle as I left the floor. I am going to miss her so much, Blaine.

"She’s the only one, besides my dad and Carole, who believed in me for so long. She was my person here, you know? In some ways, I feel like she finished raising me. She never treated me like a child, ever, but she helped polish off all the edges of childhood while I finished growing up those first few naive years here in New York. I know we’ll always be friends, but it won’t be the same.” Kurt has tears running down his eyes. He takes a deep breath but chokes on the emotion in his throat. He can’t hold it in any longer, and a sob escapes his heart and out through his lips. Blaine pulls him into his chest and hugs him as firmly as he dares, whispering words of comfort and a plethora of I love yous.

After a few minutes, Kurt takes a deep breath, releasing it slowly. Then he kisses Blaine playfully, "But enough of the sad stuff. What else happened? That can’t be all of it.”

“Well, we went to our last joint session of counseling with Dr. Everly. And, you’ve been to individual counseling a few times with your new therapist, too. Again, so proud of you. It seems to be helping and you seem to like her?”

“Yeah, the nightmares seem to be less intense even though they still happen almost every night. I don’t seem to wake up abruptly as much. I don’t have a word to express how much I dislike the dreams. The nights I am actually _able_ to sleep straight through the night, my head seems to do so much better the next day. So yeah. I think it’s helping to talk to her. Thanks for being patient with me even though I fought you on that one.”

“No worries, love. Glad it’s helping. We’ve had another Sunday Wafflesation. It turns out you didn’t hurt your head too much to make waffles. I was worried, you know, since the week before Carole made them for us.”

“Oh, I see how you are. You love me for my waffle skills and nothing else. I’m heartbroken, Blaine Blaine.” 

“You’re right. You found me out.”

“ _Hmmm_ , I guess that means that I can take this,” he takes Blaine's hand and moves it over his cock, which is very much stirring in interest, “and go take a shower by myself then?”

“Well, as punishment for my crime of breaking your heart, maybe you can push me up against the wall in the shower, and then you ca—” 

He’s abruptly cut off with a fierce kiss and Kurt’s tongue, effectively silencing him for a good three minutes before Kurt is off the bed and heading to the shower pulling a laughing Blaine behind him by the wrist. 

\-------------------------------

Twelve hours later, Kurt looks around the room, overwhelmed with his feelings. He’s snuggled up on the couch next to Blaine, his head resting on his shoulder with Blaine lighting rubbing his fingertips up and down his arm. There is some light Christmas music playing in the background. The tree lights are sparkling, giving everything an ethereal glow. His dad and Carole sit holding hands on the other couch, while Blaine’s parents sit in the two chairs. Everyone seems to be laughing and talking. The conversation is rich and entertaining. It never gets dull. He can’t help but reflect on the last seven years and how far he’s come. 

A young man from Ohio, sitting in a loft in upper Manhattan. Not just any loft, but the one he now lives in with the love of his life—no he's more than that, with his soulmate. He also has family and friends who came to support him. Watching him cross the stage to collect his diploma that he worked so hard for, especially the last two weeks finishing his senior year with a severe concussion. 

He learned the most valuable lesson of all through the experience—it’s okay to **_need_** people. It’s okay to let them in. Yes, some of them may hurt you, and like his mom and brother, some may even break your heart when they leave you too soon, but you can still need them. He’d always known that family was the most important thing, but now he knows it in a whole new way. The incident broke that last piece of steel around his heart still trying to protect him. Now he looks around the room and sees the people who lifted him up and supported him when he needed it most without hesitation. 

He snuggles closer into Blaine and whispers, “I’m so happy, bee. I love you so much.” 

Blaine looks down at him and can see the emotion swimming behind his eyes, but knows better than to draw attention to it in a room full of people. So he simply kisses him on the head, holding him tighter and whispering back, “I love you too, Sunshine.” 

The next few days go by in a whirlwind. They celebrate Christmas early with Kurt’s family, take in a Broadway show, go out to eat a few times and even squeeze in a _Wizard of Oz_ night during their Sunday Wafflesation. Carole was touched beyond words that the boys would remember that and had planned it for her. They had an emotional conversation that night as they made a safe space for Carole to share all her thoughts and feelings about Finn and the Christmases they had together. It brought all of them closer together, and Blaine was overcome with tears as he felt a part of the family. 

When they left on Monday, it was harder for Kurt to say good-bye this time, not knowing when the next time he would see them. But now that they had somewhere they could stay in New York any time they visited, it would make it easier for them to come. Blaine assured them all that he was honored to have them in their home. He kept subtly correcting Kurt when he would say anything like “Blaine’s home” or “Let’s ask Blaine.” He would kiss Kurt on the cheek or squeeze his hand and say, “Our home.” It made Kurt's heart soar every time he did it. 

The next three days, they spent sleeping in and celebrating Kurt’s time off in a way they were quickly becoming addicted to. He was healing more every day. And without school hanging over Kurt’s head and the stress of the last seven years slipping from his body slowly, he was insatiable, and Blaine loved every minute of it. Around noon they would go into Courage Studio, making plans for when Kurt would start on January 11th. Blaine would not budge on the date, insisting that Kurt needed a few weeks off—for the first time in his life he was no longer a student. They went over the applicants and decided that none of them were quite right, and they’d try again early next year. However, Kurt did find an intern that he was excited about, as were Blaine and Tina. So they set that all in motion before the studio closed for the rest of the year for everyone to be able to spend the last nine days with their families. Blaine indeed was a generous employer. 

\---------------------------------

“Good Morning, Sunshine.”

“Morning, my Honey Bee.”

Blaine hands Kurt the peppermint essential oil, and they both start laughing. 

“It’s Christmas Eve, and I am not taking no for an answer. I want a million-morning kiss. Tomorrow we’ll be too excited to see what Santa brought us to stay in bed, so I’m calling dibsies now.”

“Santa? Dibsies?” Kurt can’t help but laugh and then drops the oil in his mouth before he rolls over and starts kissing all over Blaine’s face. “You are a kid around Christmas, Blaine Blaine. I love seeing you this carefree and happy.”

“Well, 1% is Santa. I mean, it’s Christmas, Kurt! But the other ninety-nine percent of it is you! Do you know what else today is, baby?”

Kurt smirks. He knows exactly. “What else is today, bee?”

“It’s a milestone bump day! It’s been three months, baby. Three whole months since we bumped into each other on 5th Avenue.” 

“The best day of my life,” Kurt muses and gets a faraway dreamy look in his eyes for a minute. 

“Where did you go just now? You seemed to drift off somewhere?” Blaine asks curiously. 

“Oh, just reliving the memories. Seeing if they were still as clear in my mind, and they are. I still remember that shiver that ran through my entire body when I barely brushed my finger on your waist. I don't think I’ll ever get over how so simple a brush of my fingertip could do that.”

“I remember it too, Kurt. With a single touch, you sparked a flame inside of me back to life.”

“We are blessed beyond measure, Blaine Anderson. I’m so grateful for you. So grateful for our life, for our families, just for everything.”

“And I am grateful for you and how you’ve taught me to savor every moment of life as it comes. And right now, I’m going to be grateful for morning kisses, so pucker up, buttercup!” 

Kurt laughs and mumbles his favorite line, “We’re ridiculous,” but they dive into each other playfully kissing just for the sake of kissing, for the joy of it, for the way it makes them both feel. 

As the kisses slow down, they start talking about the day ahead. “You still want to watch Christmas movies all day and make sugar cookies?” Kurt asks before peppering a few more kisses on Blaine’s neck. 

“Yes, that sounds like heaven. Even if we did want to go out, look at it out there! It’s windy and wet and so cold.” Just looking outside sends shivers through Blaine’s body. 

_“Mmm_ yes, and you know… I was thinking…” Kurt trails off slowly as he presses deeper kisses into Blaine’s skin before making a mark on his chest.

“I usually love the words that come out of your mouth after you say that. So tell me, what were you thinking? I beg of you.” 

“I was thinking that today is the first day we have **_zero_** commitments.” He makes a new mark. “I was thinking that it’s been almost four weeks and my ribs are feeling somewhat better,” he straddles Blaine’s lap. “I was thinking that we haven’t ever really had a chance to test out my, _umm_ , stamina without school and a stressful job hanging over my shoulders?” He kisses Blaine’s forehead. “I was thinking that I want to see how many times you can make me cry out your name in just one day, Mr. Anderson.” He dives into a deep passionate kiss that has Blaine moaning and deciding that he really does love the way Kurt thinks.

\--------------------

Later that evening, the dishes are done from their delicious dinner, the cookies are all baked and decorated, and _The Muppet Christmas Carol_ was watched in Hummel-style family tradition. Most of the lights are turned off in the loft so they can enjoy all the Christmas decorations twinkling their warm white light. It's then that they find themselves in the living room at the piano singing Christmas carols together. It’s been a fantastic day with nothing but time for each other. It’s the best gift they’ve ever been given. Blaine laughs as he thinks about some of the memories they’ve made. 

“Okay, so which time are you thinking about now?” Kurt raises an eyebrow with a huge proud grin on his face.

Blaine blushes, kisses Kurt on the nose, and answers, “Three words: frosting, kitchen table. Damn.” 

Kurt throws his head back and laughs hard before he turns bright red. “Yeah, I sort of got carried away there with that one, didn’t I? Not going to apologize though it was so freaking hot.” 

“Don’t you dare apologize. It _was_ hot. I’m just not sure I’ll ever be able to look at the table the same.”

“Well, it’s about time we christened the rest of the house, wouldn’t you say. Maybe we should work on that this weekend.” 

Blaine looks over at Kurt wide-eyed. “Baby, I’m not sure I am going to survive ‘no school Kurt’—I mean, I used to say that before but now...” 

“I shall endeavor to resemble that remark, my good sir,” Kurt says haughtily and then starts laughing again. 

Blaine shakes his head. He used to wonder if he had any idea what he was getting into with Kurt, and now he knows for sure, he absolutely has no idea, and he hopes he never does. Their life is so rich and full of laughter and joy because of him. 

“Oh, I hope you do. It will be a glorious way to go. In the meantime, my darling Sunshine, will you sing a silly song with me? It’s just been so cold all day, and I keep thinking about it.” 

He [starts playing ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zUoJ8e2J-_w&feature=emb_logo)the opening notes and Kurt smiles big, wrapping an arm around Blaine’s waist and nods. 

_I really can't stay (But, baby, it's cold outside)  
_ _I've got to go away (But, baby, it's cold outside)  
_ _This evening has been (Been hoping that you'd drop in)  
_ _So very nice (I'll hold your hands, they're just like ice)  
_ _My mother will start to worry (Beautiful, what's your hurry?)  
_ _My father will be pacing the floor (Listen to the fireplace roar)  
_ _So really, I'd better scurry (Beautiful, please don't hurry)  
_ _But maybe just a half a drink more (Put some records on while I pour)  
_ _The neighbors might faint (Baby, it's bad out there)  
_ _Say, what's in this drink? (No cabs to be had out there)  
_ _I wish I knew how (Your eyes are like starlight now)  
_ _To break the spell (I'll take your hat, your hair looks well)  
_ _I ought to say no, no, no, sir (Mind if I move in closer?)  
_ _At least I'm gonna say that I tried (What's the sense in hurting my pride?)  
_ _I really can't stay (Baby, don't hold out)_

[...]

After the song is over, Blaine mumbles something about Kurt’s lips being delicious as he presses his lips to Kurts. Even after everything they’ve done today, this moment seems extraordinary, like the start of a new tradition. He sees Christmases way into his future flash before his eyes until they are old and gray, still singing this song to each other every year. His heart skips a few beats at the thought of it. 

Kurt finally pulls away a soft glow surrounding him. He looks as touched as Blaine does. “Should we open our Christmas Eve gifts now?” he asks softly as he lays down on Blaine’s shoulder. 

“Yes, let’s.” Blaine puts on some instrumental Christmas music on the sound system before making their way back to the living room to curl up on the couch by the tree. Blaine leans over and picks the present he wants Kurt to open and grabs the one Kurt points to as well. 

“Should we open them at the same time or take turns?” Blaine asks. 

“Let’s take turns. I want to see you open yours.” Kurt tries but can’t help the giggle that wants to escape. 

“What did you do?” Blaine asks. He sees that mischievousness hiding in Kurt’s eyes. 

“Well, open it and find out, mister.” 

Blaine shakes the box a bit and starts laughing when Kurt gives him his “Really, Blaine, really?” patented glare. “Open it! You already know what's in there—in theory.” 

“Oh, stop it, bossy pants! Let me have some fun.” He tears into the paper noting how meticulously it’s been wrapped. Kurt has many talents that borderline on obsessive. When he throws off the lid and tears the tissue paper overzealously, trying to get Kurt to laugh, it’s him who starts laughing instead. He doesn’t even take the pajamas out of the box before he’s tackled Kurt on the couch, mindful of his ribs, laying dozens of kisses all over his face.

Kurt is laughing underneath him, “You didn't even look at them, bee!” 

_Kiss, kiss, kiss_. “I can’t look at them yet. Just the idea of what is in there has me wanting to take you right here on the couch, and that is saying something after the day we’ve had. You are amazing, Kurt.” _Kiss, kiss, kiss._

“You’re ridiculous! Just look at them.” But something catches in his chest a feeling as Blaine smothers him in kisses and hovers over his body. He wants something that has been tugging at his heart for a while now. It hits him like a bolt out of the blue, he wants to bottom with Blaine. He feels so safe in his arms. The overwhelming magnitude of the revelation rolling over him has his heart beating a million miles an hour. A tear slides down one of his cheeks. Blaine notices it instantly. 

“What happened, Kurt? You okay?” He sits up. “Dang it! Did I hurt you?” Blaine says a light panic in his voice as he starts to sit up. 

“No, honey, you didn't—I promise. I just got overwhelmed with how much I love you. Now, since you're up, look at your present, already!” Kurt needs a minute to pull himself together. He’s got a lot to think about.

Blaine sits back up on the couch and pulls the box into his lap. He pulls out the first of the soft t-shirts from the box with a huge grin on his face as he reads it.

  
HEART  
EYES  
FOR  
KURT

Laughing he pulls out the next one,

WE’RE RIDICULOUS

Then the teal one. 

SOULMATE  
BOYFRIEND  
BEST FRIEND

His breath catches in his chest when he pulls out the yellow one that has a vintage engraving of a sun on it. He looks over at Kurt's eyes overflowing with emotion. Kurt simply nods at him and motions for him to keep going. The next one is a dusty blue that reads, 

FINALLY  
FOREVER

And then he pulls the last one out which is a dark gray and has an engraving of a honey bee on it. 

He reaches over and pulls Kurt carefully into his arms, the t-shirts piled between them. “These are incredible, Kurt. This is the most thoughtful present I think I’ve ever gotten. I love them so much. I love you so much. Please tell me these are for sharing because I want to see you in that honey bee t-shirt.”

“You’re welcome, bee. And yes, I thought we could share them? Except for the HEART EYES FOR KURT, that one is all yours. And I can’t wait to see you in it either.” He kisses Blaine’s cheek. “There are pajama pants still in the box. After all, these are supposed to be your Christmas jammies. I love you, too.”

  
“Best Christmas jammies in the history of this tradition! Thank you, baby. I really do heart them. Now! You have to open yours, although I think you should save them for another night. I want to wear these shirts you made us.”

Kurt kisses him on the cheek and says, “Anything you want, honey. But I want to see what you got me!” He shakes the box, mimicking what Blaine did earlier, making them both laugh. He then tears into the paper and pulls the lid off. When he peels back the tissue paper, he gasps.

“Oh my gosh, Blaine! The tattoo and these— are these—these are Alexander McQueen!” He pulls them out of the box and holds them up to himself. The pants are black and have small white silhouettes of birds in a pattern. The shirt is white and has the same design of birds around the sleeves and collar only in black and a much larger scattered version as if they are in flight. “I love them, Blaine Blaine!”

“Mmmm, I’m glad. I still think about that tattoo much too often,” he teases as he leans over and gives Kurt a tender kiss on the lips. “I love us,” he mumbles. Kurt hums his agreement as they get lost in each other for a while.

“Should we get into our new PJs, finish our last Christmas movie, then let Santa come stuff our stockings so we can head to bed?” Blaine finally asks as he pulls away.

“Yes, and we have to leave some cookies out for Santa, of course.”

“Of course,” Blaine agrees. 

Twenty minutes later, they are snuggled up on the couch. Blaine in the heart eyes t-shirt and his new pajama bottoms and Kurt in the honey bee shirt. Blaine insisting that he likes seeing the bee so close to Kurt’s heart and that he loves feeling like he’s being marked somehow wearing the symbol of his nickname. They watch the last movie on their list, the remake of _Miracle on 34th Street_. They smile and squeeze each other tighter every time getting married gets brought up in the film. At the end, when Bryan and Dorey walk out married with the ring glittering sparkles all over the living room, Kurt rolls over in Blaine’s arms and kisses him fiercely, but neither of them says a word about it to each other. 

When the movie is over, they grab each other’s stockings and go into their own rooms, Kurt to the studio, Blaine to the boxing room so that they can fill them up privately. When they are finished, they lay the stockings out, each taking a turn secretly, setting up what Santa is bringing the other in one of the big chairs, and then covering it with a blanket so they can't see it until morning. And true to their word, they leave a plate of cookies out, just in case. They pinky promise that neither of them will come out to the living room in the middle of the night and peek and then head off to bed, leaving the Christmas tree lights on to welcome them early in the morning. 

As they snuggle into bed, they talk for another few hours. Life has been so stressful the last few weeks that now that they have the freedom to relax and they are in such a good place, they talk about anything and everything. Christmases past, high school, earliest memories, ideas for songs and plays, some of the festivals they could go to, more bucket list ideas, the conversation flows naturally. Eventually, though, being Kurt and Blaine, they fall into a beautiful dance together in the sheets loving each other with all their hearts.

\-------------

As he’s about to drift off to sleep, an exhausted curly-haired man smiles when Kurt whispers directly into his ear, “Thank you for at least _trying_ to find the end of my stamina, bee. Sweet dreams.” They both smile and let out a tired laugh.

“I did my bestest, I really did. Love you. Just one more sleep ‘til Christmas,” he mumbles before sleep takes him entirely. He loves it when it's his turn to be the little spoon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warnings for this Chapter:** Waking someone up with a blow job (with previous consent), Implied sex  
>   
>  **Authors Notes:**
> 
> For those of you who like the little details, this Chapter covers **December 7th-24th**   
> Only two more chapters and the Epilogue to go! 
> 
> *~*~* **Make sure you[subscribe to the series](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1992307) to get updates on all the one-shots being added***~*~*~
> 
> \------  
> You can find artwork (and aesthetics aka "mood boards") and other related posts to this chapter on my Tumblr page [GleefulPoppet](https://gleefulpoppet.tumblr.com/), I'll be adding things over the next month. And I try to add the artwork to the chapter each night as well.
> 
> [Click Here to See Larger on Tumblr  
>   
> ](https://gleefulpoppet.tumblr.com/post/633640461946486784/chapter-28-baby-its-cold-outside-posted-this)


	29. Never Knew I Could Feel Like This

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Word Count: 7k+ [Warnings can be found in the notes if you need them]

"Good morning, Sunshine! Rise and shine! It’s Christmas, and it’s snowing!” Blaine is sitting cross-legged on the bed, brushing his fingers over Kurt’s face as soon as he starts to stir awake. 

“Morning, my Honey Bee. Merry Christmas, sweetheart.” He stretches his long limbs before pulling Blaine on top of him in a hug, it barely hurts, and he wonders if that will be the best Christmas present of all.

“I already brushed my teeth and all of that, so that should tell you how excited I am about Santa.”

Kurt laughs. “Oh, Blaine Blaine, you’re such a kid at heart, aren’t you?”

“This is the happiest Christmas I’ve ever had, Kurt,” Blaine replies seriously.

“I know, baby. I love how happy you are right now. I’ll brush my teeth and stuff too. Give me a few, and then we’ll go see what Santa brought us, alright?”

Before he gets up, though, Blaine lifts his shirt, “Just let me check these this morning first?” Once he has the shirt up to Kurt’s shoulders, he smiles big, “The bruising is almost gone today, Kurt, look! There’s just some yellow and a little pink left on this one side. Wow, honey. Does that make you happy?”

“It does. A few minutes ago, I was thinking about how good it felt to pull you down into a hug. I’ve never been happier either, Blaine, for lots of reasons. I love you. Now let me up before I decide to have my way with you.” He quickly kisses Blaine on the cheek and saunters off to freshen up. 

Blaine grabs the book he’s been reading and tries to keep calm. His tummy is so full of hummingbirds he thinks he might fly away (butterflies would not do the feeling justice). 

A little while later, they head down the hallway still in their PJs, hand in hand. They sing a few lines back and forth between them from "Baby it’s Cold Outside" until they get to the living room, and on the count of three, they pull the blankets off their assigned chairs to see what Santa brought them. 

“Oh my gosh!” Blaine laughs from his belly when he sees the Star Wars waffle maker next to his stocking. “Kurt! That is the best thing ever!” 

Kurt is laughing too at Blaine’s exuberance. “Santa finds the best gifts!” 

“Oh right, yes, of course, Santa. Yes, he does.” 

“It would appear that he has excellent taste too. Look, I have a Dolce and Gabbana box next to my stocking. Can’t wait to see what’s in there, but should we do our stockings first?” 

Blaine nods, so they each grab their respective stockings and sit on the couch together and start emptying the contents. They exchange kisses, oohs, and ahhs, delighted gasps, and whispered thank yous as they each find their way to the bottom of the stockings with each thoughtful gift. They laugh at the fact each of their stockings has a different flavor of lube to try. The best part is that Kurt turns bright red and tells Blaine how mortified he was to put it in there in the first place. 

Between them, they also have new toothbrushes, their favorite candy, a new question game, gift cards, fancy pens and pencils, a new phone case, charging cords, lotion, bubble bath, a slinky, facial masks, and a comic book. 

Kurt is super confused about the organic sunscreen, SPF chapstick, and electrical outlet adapter that he pulls out of his stocking last. It has his heart racing as he raises an eyebrow at Blaine in question.

“Don’t look at me!” Blaine raises his hands in surrender, a mischievous grin on his face. “Santa brought them to you. I have no idea what that’s about.” 

“Uh-huh, I see.” Kurt looks over at the box that was sitting by his stocking, “Do I dare open that?” He nods over towards the present.

“I would assume that is the idea, yes, but again, how would I know?” He winks at Kurt. 

Curiosity wins out after a full minute of silence. He goes to pick up the box and bring it back to the couch where they are sitting. He’s shaking. “Blaine, what did you do? Can you kiss me before I open this in case I pass out before I even get the lid off?”

Blaine scoots over as close as he can to Kurt and gives a kiss like their very first one—so tender and sweet but with enough passion in it to leave Kurt breathless. He pulls back and leaves one last kiss on the tip of Kurt’s nose. “Open the box, Sunshine,” he whispers.

Kurt slides off the black ribbon. This box looks exactly like the one Blaine sent the Friday after they met with the scarf in it. He very carefully lifts the lid off like he’s terrified whatever magical thing is in the box might escape. Lifting the tissue paper up, he sees a pair of swimming trunks that have a stained glass pattern with a honey bee as one of the main focal points. He gasps as he pulls them out. They are bold but so gorgeous. He can’t believe there is more in the box. He pulls out the next pair, black and white with a vintage bandana pattern on the sides. He adores them too but what confuses him is that as he lifts them up, he can see that inside the box lies their journal with a ribbon tied around it. 

He looks up at Blaine, “What, Blaine, I—” a tear slides down his cheek.

“I love you, sweetheart. Keep going, honey.”

He picks up the journal, and he can barely hold it. He's shaking so much. He opens it to where the ribbon is tied around it, marking a page, one glance at what is written there, and he’s sobbing.

 _Kurt Hummel,  
_ _  
__All I want to do is spend my life loving you, fearlessly and forever.  
_ _My amazing friend, my one true love, will you marry me?_

_PS! Let’s celebrate in St. Lucia? We leave on Sunday._

He looks up and sees that Blaine has kneeled down in front of him. “Look in the box one more time, baby.”

Kurt lifts up another pair of gorgeous swim trunks. They are black with a pattern of vintage engraved crowns and bees printed in a faint white, and there underneath them lays a turquoise-blue box that stops his heart. He just stares at it, wondering if this is a dream. How can this be his real life? He doesn’t realize how hard he’s crying until Blaine hands him a tissue and kisses him on the top of his head before kneeling again.

“Baby, take a deep breath for me, okay?”

Kurt tries. He does, but he’s overwhelmed with the moment. Blaine reaches over and picks up the small blue box and opens it for Kurt, who gasps again. The satin-finished platinum ring is gorgeous. In the inset lies a small rectangular diamond that matches Blaine’s eyes. Blaine carefully takes it out of the box and holds it up as he picks up Kurt’s left hand. Kurt’s breathing is erratic and fast.

“It's never really felt like I've been getting to know you. It's always felt like I was remembering you. I sincerely believe that in every lifetime you and I have ever lived, we've chosen to come back and find each other and fall in love all over again, and we will for all eternity.” He leans over, resting his forehead against Kurt’s like they did that first day in the store. “Sunshine, will you marry me?”

“Yes! Blaine, yes. Forever, finally—finally. Yes,” he says breathlessly. 

Blaine slides the ring on Kurt’s finger and then lunges into Kurt’s arms, pulling the box and journal off Kurt’s lap so he can get as close to him as possible. They kiss like it’s the first and the last time they ever will, lost to their love where time has no meaning.

When Blaine finally comes up for some much-needed air, Kurt brings his hand around from Blaine's waist so he can look at the ring properly this time. “It’s stunning, Blaine. I’ve never seen a diamond that color before.”

"I got the ring at Tiffany & CO and then worked with their specialist to replace the diamond to match my eyes. I wanted you to feel like I was always with you.”

“It’s the most beautiful engagement ring I have ever seen. Thank you, baby. It takes my breath away.” But then he blushes and turns shy, trying to stutter out the next words, “We talked about getting you a ring too—do you still want to, bee?”

“ _Mmmhmm_ , we did talk about it. I think you should slide your hand down the back of the couch cushion where you are sitting. I think Santa dropped something back there.” He leans down and kisses the shocked look right off of Kurt’s face while Kurt’s hand slides behind the cushion, searching with his fingers until he brushes what feels like another box.

He’s not sure how much more his heart can take this morning. He pulls it out from the couch and slowly opens it. “Oh my gosh, Blaine—it's the color of _my_ eyes! How did you—"

"It’s called a vivid green-blue diamond. It’s extremely rare—just like you are, love.”

Kurt immediately pushes them up, so they are sitting up on the couch now. It’s his turn to get down on one knee in front of Blaine.

“You are my best friend, the love of my life, my soulmate. We’ll always belong together. When we bumped into each other in that store three months ago, it set us on a path that neither of us could have dreamed of. And then I remember that night at Tangerine Terrace thinking, ‘Oh there you are, I’ve been looking for you forever.' Blaine Blaine, you have already done me the great honor of asking me to marry you, and I meant that ‘yes’ with every fiber of my being.” He pulls the ring out of the box, reaching for Blaine’s hand. “So, as I slide this ring on your finger, I want you to know— that I am—” he says the last word with all the love and conviction in his heart “— _yours_ ,” never breaking eye contact with him.

It’s Blaine’s turn to be a blubbering mess. He leans over and brushes the ring on Kurt’s hand and says, “And I am _yours_ ,” as they kiss again with tear-stained cheeks. 

Kurt pulls away first this time, “Will you take a shower with me? Christmas can wait. I need you, need to be close to you. Please, Blaine.” 

Without another word, Blaine intertwines their fingers together and leads them back to the shower. Once there, they undress each other, taking turns with each piece of clothing, taking small moments to appreciate each other's bodies. As they slip under the cascade of water, they find themselves in a tight hug allowing the water to soothe and calm their high emotions. They nuzzle, nip, and kiss at each other’s necks and ears, reminiscent of those first dates where they built a foundation of comfort in doing that when it was all they had. 

Kurt pours some of their favorite citrus and clove body wash on his hands and gently begins to wash Blaine’s body for him. He’s meticulous and massages as he goes. They are not shy anymore about cleaning each other and doing a thorough job of it. After he’s even gotten down on his knees and washed Blaine’s feet by having him rest them on his thigh one at a time, he stands up and kisses Blaine, rubbing his hands up and down his arms, enjoying the new sensation of the ring between their skin.

Blaine turns Kurt slowly, standing behind him, pouring soap all over his hands. He washes Kurt with his arms wrapped around the front of his body. He even bends at the knees and goes down so he can reach down to Kurt’s ankles and feet before slowly sliding back up again, dragging his fingers up Kurt’s legs over his backside to his shoulders before he wraps his arms around him again. 

Kurt moans and leans his head back on Blaine’s shoulder, enjoying the kisses he’s leaving on his neck. Blaine can feel Kurt shiver in his arms. It’s not from the water going cold, so he reaches over and turns the water off, stepping to the counter to grab their towels. They dry off, leaning over to trade a few kisses while they do. Once the towels are hung up on the hooks, Blaine comes up behind Kurt again and wraps his arms around him.

The heat between them ignites, skin turns hot between them. Kurt whimpers as Blaine starts walking them towards the bed. They fall under the covers as protection from the bite of cold in the air. Looking out the floor to ceiling windows, they can see it’s still snowing over the city they love. Blaine rolls, so most of his body is on top of Kurt and looks down at him, wanting to get lost in his eyes forever. They have a silent conversation between them. They can feel the soulbond, the tether of their hearts calibrating once again as it used to when they met. 

Blaine leans down and brushes his lips feather-light back and forth over Kurt’s lips several times before he finally presses down harder and the Christmas kiss of a lifetime starts. It’s as if their bodies want to tell their story from beginning to end, first the neck kisses, then their hearts bonding, then a sweet kiss like they shared on the elevator, and now—now they are at the part where they gave in to all their desires the first time Blaine had Kurt pressed up against the door to the loft. 

The kiss is a wild, magical dance of tongues and lips that know how to turn the other on in the most delicious ways. Their moans are becoming too much to take. Hands are tracing muscles and tendons, their bodies grinding against each other, begging for more. What’s new, though, is that they both are incredibly aware of the rings they are now wearing. They brush over each other’s frequently, as if unconsciously seeking them out for reassurance that this is all real. They obsessively twirl the rings on their own fingers, becoming acquainted with the new weight, an outward declaration of the love they carry so close to their hearts. 

Kurt’s finally reached his limit. Between his realization last night and all the incredible things that have happened today, he knows it’s time. “Blaine, baby, the lube, please,” he cries out. Blaine swiftly leans over, stretching to get it off the nightstand. “And a towel, honey.” Once he has the items, he lays on his back like they usually would and tries to pass the items over to Kurt. 

Kurt rolls on his side, squeezing Blaine’s hand back around the lube. He looks up at him curiously, wondering why Kurt isn’t taking them. Kurt leans over to whisper into his ear; this is such a huge moment for them. He feels like the words need to be as quiet and soft as possible, “I want you inside of me. Please, Blaine.” 

Blaine’s sharp inhale of breath followed by a deep guttural moan sets off an irregular rhythm in Kurt’s body and heart, he needs this, and he needs it now. Blaine doesn't hesitate. They talked about this months ago. Blaine won’t second guess what Kurt’s words and body are begging for. He knows Kurt will use his safeword if he changes his mind. He pulls a pillow and slides it under Kurt’s hips, then leans down, making a new mark on Kurt’s torso, the first one he’s allowed himself since the incident. He loves seeing it there. He growls into Kurt’s stomach, which has Kurt thrusting his hips, trying to get any friction. 

“Please! Blaine, please!” Kurt begs.

Blaine is shaking. He wants this beyond reason. Opening the bottle, pouring the lube on his fingers, Blaine strokes Kurt’s throbbing cock a few times, leaning over licking the head to taste the pre-cum that has settled there. He wants to distract Kurt while his other hand slides down behind his balls and gently massages around Kurt’s hole, which has never been penetrated before—with anything. He’s dizzy with the thought of it. 

He speaks for the first time since they came into the bedroom, “Take a deep breath for me, baby. Really deep. There you go. Now release it for me, nice and slow.” As he does, Blaine presses the tip of his finger inside then brings it back out again, rocking it back and forth just enough to start a gentle stretch. 

Kurt is beside himself. It feels so damn good. It’s weird but not in a bad way. He feels like he needs more. He presses down against what little friction he’s getting before Blaine decides to be brave and start pressing farther up. Realizing that Kurt will stay hard even if he orgasms now, Blaine decides to make this fantastic for him. Sitting up farther on his knees, he immediately goes down on him, sucking him into his mouth as far as he can, this time with purpose. He keeps working his fingers in as well, and Kurt is completely undone beneath him. 

He’s moaning, begging for more while he tells him how good it all is. One of his hands is in Blaine’s hair tugging, harder than he usually does. It’s so hot that Blaine hopes that he can get through this without climaxing himself, or he’s not going to do Kurt any good at all. 

Once he’s finally worked two fingers in, Kurt screams out Blaine’s name and is coming down his throat. Blaine swallows all of it and keeps sucking on Kurt’s hard cock. 

After coming, Kurt naturally seems to relax, so it’s easier for Blaine to slide that third finger in after just a few minutes. He can barely take it anymore. He wants inside, but he can’t rush this. Kurt is trusting him to make this safe for him, so he continues stretching.

Finally, Blaine raises up on his knees as he releases Kurt from his mouth and pulls his fingers out gently from Kurt. “No! Blaaa-ine!” Kurt almost sobs out.

“Shhhh, baby. You’re ready. Shhhh. Do you want me like this? Or it’s easier for you on your knees the first time, sweetheart.”

“No, no, I want to see you, bee—need to see you.”

Blaine pours more lube and rubs it up and down his cock, stroking a few times, trying to ease some of the pressure of being neglected before he attempts this. But another begging moan from Kurt has him pressed up against him, Kurt’s legs automatically wrap around his waist.

He uses his hand to help rub himself over Kurt a few times before he slides the head in just a few inches. Kurt has a death grip on the sheets; he tries to bear down on Blaine. 

“Patience, honey, please. We’ll get there. I don’t want to hurt you.” 

“Sorry,” Kurt mumbles. “You feel amazing. It feels so intense. I’m okay. I want more. I’m okay.” 

Blaine takes him at his word and rocks forward more. It’s taking every ounce of self-control not to slam his hips into Kurt's beautiful body.

“More, Blaine! Make me take it!” It’s probably the dirtiest thing Kurt has ever said, and Blaine almost passes out with the euphoria of being so wanted. He slides forward more, watching for any signs of distress from Kurt when their eyes lock onto each other. Kurt is begging him and assuring him he’s okay with his expressions, so he slides in the rest of the way. When he bottoms out, they both moan with unmitigated want, mixed with a sigh of relief. 

“Holy freaking hell, Kurt. You are so tight. Oh, it’s so warm—it feels so good. You okay?”

“So okay. Damn it, Blaine! I have been missing out!” 

Blaine can’t help but laugh. It makes him move inside of Kurt, which apparently Kurt likes very much as he’s the one who starts rocking his hips. He’s not shy about it either, he knows what he wants, and with the experience he has from the other side of this, he knows what will feel good for Blaine, too.

“You are so damn huge, bee. Is this what it feels like for you?”

“Yeah, baby. You feel full and complete? And the pressure, it’s so good? The soul connection— knowing I’m inside of you?” he whispers as he starts gently moving to meet Kurt’s hips that just won’t stop.

“Yes, yes, that! Blaine, Blaine! Please! I think I was made to take you,” Kurt’s face contorts when he realizes those words just came out of his mouth. _Apparently, I have zero filter right now_. “You aren’t hurting me. I want what you can give me. Stop holding back!” he pleads with everything he has. He feels like all he has done is beg since they started this and he’ll do it some more if he has to.

Blaine has things he wants to say like how hot and dirty Kurt’s mouth seems to be in this position and how much he wants this too, but he decides he’ll just show Kurt how he feels about it instead. He pulls his hips back as far as he can and then slams them forward. Kurt keens the most fantastic noise Blaine has ever heard in all the time they’ve had sex. He does it again and again. They try to keep eye contact as much as possible, but they both lose themselves to the pleasure, often shutting their eyes so they can feel it all. 

Blaine finds a rhythm and carries them through it. He's holding back his orgasm with everything he has because he knows Kurt is never going to get enough of this. Just as that thought crosses his mind, Kurt grabs his upper arms and digs his fingers into Blaine’s muscles, his back arching off the bed as he screams babbled declarations of love mixed with Blaine’s name as he comes untouched between them.

“Holy hell, Kurt! Damn, you are so hot!”

Kurt’s back relaxes on the bed, let’s go of his grip on Blaine’s arms. He’s breathing heavily. His eyelids are hooded as he still takes in the pleasure Blaine is giving him. Blaine watches his cock carefully to see if Kurt will stay hard or if he’s finally had enough as he keeps thrusting into him. He slows down for a moment, leaning over, diving into Kurt’s mouth. They chase each other's tongues and mumble "I love yous" into each other's mouths.

Blaine finally pulls away and asks, “Baby, do you need to come again? Tell me if I need to hold back, I’ll keep going as long as I can.”

Kurt’s answer is to moan while he swipes his hand through the come on his stomach, then reaching further down to start stroking his cock, while he brings his left-hand over, ring purposely of full display for Blaine to see and starts rubbing and twisting on his own nipple. 

“Sh—! Ku—! Hot! Can’t—Ne—” Blaine can’t even get whole words out. His arms are exhausted from holding himself up, so he sits up higher on his knees and brings Kurt’s legs up across his chest, holding on to them, starting a new rhythm. It has Kurt making that keening sound again, and then he must hit Kurt’s prostate straight on a few times because Kurt yells Blaine's name mixed with a babbled incoherent declaration and comes everywhere, the site of which has Blaine past the point of no return. 

He can feel his orgasm tingle in his lower back. It grows surprisingly slow and exquisite until it’s taking over his entire body, sending a warm chill up his spine as he slams into Kurt one last time and releases inside of him. “Kurt! Love you! Love you! Oh, oh stars!” he trails off as the orgasm takes his breath away from him. There’s a reason he screams ‘stars’ so often when he’s with Kurt. He always thought 'seeing stars' was just some terrible clicheé they said in the movies, but now he knows better.

Moments later he reaches over for the towel as he slowly pulls out of Kurt, quickly wiping away the heated liquid that flows out. Blaine’s cock has the audacity to twitch in interest at the sight. He’s never seen this, never marked someone like this without a condom, never come inside someone. He undeniably loves it. He also twinges at the site of how red and stretched Kurt is. He has a moment of absolute panic when he realizes how hard they just went for Kurt’s first time. _But Kurt was begging for more and didn’t show any signs of distress—_

“Bee, look at me.” Kurt opened his eyes just in time to see the fear overtaking Blaine’s face. “I know what you’re thinking. I’m going to be okay. I loved every minute of it, and you didn’t hurt me, not once. So don’t ruin this for me by overthinking what just happened. Please, honey?”

Blaine nods. He rubs Kurt's legs a few times in comfort but then gets off the bed and heads to the bathroom. He needs a second to pull himself together. Plus, he wants to get a warm washcloth to clean Kurt better and wipe off his chest. When he walks back through the doorway, he catches a sight that takes his breath away. Kurt is lying there naked, body relaxed and well-loved, a massive smile on his face with his hand in the air, twisting his wrist back and forth, admiring his ring. Blaine leans up against the door frame and watches for a few moments before Kurt turns his head and sees him.

He walks over to start cleaning Kurt’s chest off, “I love you with all my heart, Kurt Hummel.”

“I love you with all that I am, Blaine Anderson.” 

Kurt reaches over, caressing Blaine’s face, “That was one of the most unbelievably perfect moments of my life, Blaine. Thank you for trusting me to know my body—for not second-guessing everything I told you—but still checking in with me. I felt so safe with my needs and wants. I felt respected and desired. It was more than I could have ever imagined for myself. It’s strange, after all this time and all these years, I’m no longer afraid of my sexuality, Blaine. I can finally say that, and that is a gift you opened for me.”

“Oh, Kurt, love, you trusting me to share these experiences with you has been the greatest blessing in my life. The trust we’ve built, the love we share—so much of this feels like my first everythings too. Kurt, you are a natural at all of this. You are so in tune with your body and mine all of the time. You are so generous and aware. I don’t think you’ll ever fully understand just how incredible a lover you are. I’m the luckiest man in the world, I mean that.”

“I feel the same way about you,” he yawns widely. “Can we cuddle now?” His eyes go droopy and close.

Blaine takes the washcloth and towel to the hamper and then slides into bed, dragging the covers up over them, pulling Kurt into his arms. “Merry Christmas, baby,” he whispers before he kisses Kurt’s forehead and drifts off to join him for a short winter’s nap.

\------------------------------

“So St. Lucia, huh?” Kurt says, smiling down at Blaine, who’s trying to wake up.

“St. Lucia,” his face lights up, and his eyes seem to sparkle. “Only this time, it won’t just be a dream. I’m so excited we get to go.”

“Me too. You did a good job of making me believe we were having a staycation when you gave me my graduation present—my new fancy phone, a shopping spree on Fifth Avenue when I was feeling better, and a Broadway show.”

“I know, baby. I’m sorry, but with your injuries, I wasn’t sure we’d be able to go. But, I didn’t cancel it just in case, and then when I realized it was time to ask you to marry me,” they both unconsciously look at their rings, “I figured that if we could still go, we could celebrate our engagement. And if you weren’t better by now, you would have never known, and I would have rescheduled it for another time. I didn’t want you to feel the incident took something else away from you, love.”

“Well, I’m glad all my replacement identification got taken care of so quickly, too. But, I’m just a little—” Kurt trails off. He realizes what he was about to bring up isn’t going to be easy to face or express with words. 

“What’s wrong?” Blaine slides up and kisses Kurt’s cheek. “Talk to me, baby.”

“Just—it’s nothing—it's the scars. I’m just not used to them. I know the bruising is almost gone, but where all my stitches were—even on my face, it’s….I don’t know. I guess I want to feel confident, and honestly, I want to feel sexy and handsome for you there, and I know it’s stupid but…”

“Hey, hey, it’s not stupid if that is how you feel. But, damn, Kurt, you are the most gorgeous thing in the entire world. You are my world, beautiful. I love every one of your new scars. You have never judged mine. You seem to love them, actually. And the way you touch them and stroke them on my body makes me feel so seen and loved unconditionally. I feel the same way about yours. But sweetheart, if this is too close and you aren’t up for it, we can reschedule. I swear to you I will not be disappointed. I only want to go if you feel comfortable.” Blaine starts kissing every one of Kurt’s new scars, whispering words of love over each one.

“Love you, Blaine. Thank you. I want to go, I do. I’m just—my body and the nightmares, I don’t want to associate them with this beautiful, perfect dream that you’ve had of us there together. I want it to be everything you wanted it to be. I don’t know where all these disturbing feelings are coming from all of a sudden. I’m so sorry.” He turns on his side towards Blaine scooting down, nudging him to hold him, resting his head on Blaine’s chest.

“Hey, shhh, shhh, baby. What have you been trying to teach me? We feel, deal, and heal, sweetheart. So let it out, honey. I’m right here. We can talk about this. But Kurt, this isn’t some fairytale we’re living even though it seems like it sometimes, doesn’t it? The dreams I have about St. Lucia aren't about your body, baby, they’re about you, and you’re here. We had the scare of our lives, and now more than ever, it’s made me realize how much I love you, Kurt. This isn’t about the sex or your body, both of which are phenomenal, don’t get me wrong. I just want to be there with you—that’s what will make it perfect, but only when you’re ready, whether that’s on Sunday or a year from now.”

“I think maybe it’s just made me face the fact that my body is different. Now that it’s healing, I realize just how much is going to be left behind. A constant reminder of what happened. In some ways, that terrifies me. I want these nightmares gone, but the scars will always be here. I’m trying, Blaine. I really am trying to see the silver lining here. The scars are here but so am I, and it could have easily been a very different story. I know that. And I know someday they’ll make us both grateful every day that we got another chance to be together. But maybe I need a day to mourn the fact that my body will never be the same. Is that so vain? Hell—I know it’s so vain.” 

“It’s not vain, Kurt. Honey, it’s _your_ body. You don't recognize it in some ways. It’s okay if it takes some getting used to. Baby, please don't be so hard on yourself. It’s okay. Just let yourself feel it. Maybe you need to do your journal writing visualization, or I can get you a notebook out of the office if you want to do it for real. But stop fighting your feelings, honey. Just get it all out.” 

So Kurt does. He goes deep within and surrenders to the feelings he’s been keeping locked away about his body and sobs into Blaine’s chest for a few minutes. Lets every dark thought come bubbling up to the surface, feels them, acknowledges them, and lets them out through his tears. He lets his remaining anger at himself out, too. His hands are clenching and pulling at the sheet so hard his knuckles are white, and his fingers are red. Blaine holds him and kisses his head every few minutes until Kurt finally feels like he has let it all out. He then takes a few minutes to do his mental journaling activity, and as always, takes it out to the backyard firepit in Lima and watches the pages burn. 

When he’s finished, he takes a deep breath, looks up at Blaine, and smiles. It’s a small smile, but it’s genuine. He does feel better. He knows he’ll move forward from this like he has everything else, only this time he’s got Blaine to stand by him every step of the way. 

“Thank you, my Honey Bee. I feel better. I’m going to kiss you now, and it’s going to be really good. And you're going to kiss me back, and it’s going to be even better.” 

Blaine laughs, pulling Kurt up, kissing him like the gorgeous, sexy, beautiful fiancé he is. 

An hour later, both out of breath, a sticky mess between them, they decide it’s time for another shower, and then they’ll get back to celebrating Christmas. 

\--------------------

“Are we keeping this to ourselves today, or should we call our families?” Blaine asks, resting his head on top of Kurts where they are sitting on the couch in front of the tree, their presents all open now with a chaotic pile of ripped off wrapping paper to throw away later. 

“Oh my heavens, no, we are calling our families!” Kurt giggles as he turns bright red. “I am so excited, honey. There is no way I can keep this to myself.”

“Alrighty then!” Blaine chuckles. “You know people are going to ask us when this is all happening?”

“Well, when is all of this happening?” Kurt asks, followed by a sly grin and a raised eyebrow.

Blaine coughs and turns red himself. He has ideas, crazy, fast thoughts. “Umm. When do you want it to happen?” 

“Tonight? No, but for real. What is that face you just made? You clearly have some idea brewing up there in that noggin of yours, so spill it, bee.”

“Well, do you remember that first night I sang for you here, and I sang—”

Kurt cuts him off excitedly, “Teenage Dream, of course, I remember—you and your skin-tight jeans, honey.” 

Blaine smirks, “Yes, well, of course, you’d remember that. I do recall that is also the night that you made taking off my sweater seem like the sexiest as hell thing that had ever happened to me. I still don’t know how you do that. Damn everything you do just...okay let’s not start that again, _ehemm_ ,” he clears his throat as he thinks, _Down boy! You’ve had more sex in the last thirty-six hours than you can handle as it is_. 

“Anyway! The point here is that when I sang the words ‘Every February, you’ll be my Valentine,’ I remember thinking how much I wanted that to be true, and I know it’s only seven weeks away, but it might be fun. Or not? That is okay too, but I don't want to wait more than six months.”

“Oh, my freaking hell, Blaine... by Valentine's Day?”

Blaine blushes furiously. “I know, I know, it’s crazy! We don't have to. For some reason, it just seems stuck in my head. I picture calling all our friends and family this afternoon and telling them we’re treating them to a weekend somewhere for Valentine's Day, anywhere you want to get married, and we make it a celebration with everyone we love.”

“Oh my gosh, it’s sort of perfect, isn't it?” Kurt says in awe. “What if we...have a waffle dinner, honey?” he starts laughing. It seems so them, so fitting.

“Waffle dinner.” The grin that spreads takes up the entirety of Blaine’s face. “Kurt, I would love that, but honey, I want you to have the wedding of your dreams. Anything you want, you can have it. It doesn't have to be this. Anything, Kurt.” 

“You are so good to me, thank you, bee. But, I already told you, my younger dreams of a big fancy wedding aren’t important to me anymore. I don’t need to show off. I want to be surrounded by the people we know and love. Let’s spoil them. Let’s find somewhere we can all stay together that is an experience, somewhere gorgeous. And then we’ll send them on their merry way, and we’ll spend some time with just me and you, as-as-as husbands.” His eyes go wide, “Husbands.”

Blaine pulls him into his arms, “Husbands.”

They sit silently for a few minutes, each lost in their thoughts and dreams, listening to the carols play in the background.

“Blaine?”

“Yes, baby?”

“What if we waited until March? It would be warmer then and also… March 27th was my mom’s birthday. I just thought that it might be nice to feel like she was there with me in some small way.” Immediately a tear slips down his cheek, Blaine kisses it away.

“Oh, Sunshine, I think that would be beautiful. If that is what you want, we can do that. Won’t it make you sad, though? I guess that is a really insensitive question. Of course, you’re going to be sad. It’s your wedding day, and she won’t be with you.” He pulls Kurt tighter to him and kisses him sweetly before pulling away to hear Kurt’s reply.

“I knew what you meant, bee, and honestly, it feels good. I don't think it will make me sadder? And I think it will be fun to have our anniversary separate from Valentine's Day—I’ll still be your valentine every year.” He kisses Blaine’s cheek. 

“I think this sounds perfect, honey. Let’s look at a calendar for a second, yeah?” He reaches over for his cellphone on the coffee table, pulling up the calendar. “Well, would you look at that? March 27th is on a Saturday next year. Should we start calling everyone then and tell them to leave that weekend open?”

“Yes, let’s do it! Also, apparently, I do want to show off because I think we should take a picture of our hands in front of the Christmas tree and post it on your Instagram, which isn’t like me at all, is it? But I’m so happy, Blaine. I want the whole world to know I'm yours.”

“Anything you want, baby. I want them to know I’m yours too. So we’ll do that, but we better call our family and close friends before we blow up New York’s gossip blogs. Who should we call first?”

They decide to call Burt and Carol first, followed by Blaine’s parents. Then they called Mercedes, Marley, and Tina. After that, it was a whirlwind getting through the most important friends, some of which they just texted the picture with a “Merry Christmas, save the date March 27th, 2021!” It was exhausting, but in the best way possible, their cheeks hurt from smiling. Hearts are overflowing with love, devotion, and excitement building up every time they say ‘engaged.’ 

They cooked a very late lunch for themselves since they’d been on the phone for so long, singing “[White Christmas](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gwPAGzENqiU)” and “[Let it Snow](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CC8LPBHUVRg),” dancing through the kitchen. While they ate, they had Blaine’s iPad out, looking at locations where they could get married.

“I want to go maybe somewhere beautiful and out of the hustle and bustle of the city, and we’re already going to St. Lucia, so maybe somewhere in the woods or mountains. Would you like that, Blaine?”

“Oh, I’d love that. Should we just look up wedding destinations and start there?”

Kurt nods. Within twenty minutes, they both gasp out loud at the same time. “Oh my gosh, bee! Oh my gosh. This is it. Oh my gosh!” 

“Wow,” is Blaine’s articulate reply.

They peruse the website reading everything they can find. They hold their breath when they check the availability. It seems that they might just get lucky as most of the cottages and houses look available. 

“A farm in Tennessee of all places?” Kurt says, finally. “Oh, but Blaine Blaine, I love it so much. Look at all the trees and rolling hills. There are mountains. And the structures are gorgeous. The pictures of the weddings they’ve had before are stunning, and they will take care of everything. I love it. I love it so much. I can see us there.” 

“Oh, baby, I do too, and it will be warm, well warmer than here, which sounds heavenly, too. If you love it, I do.” 

“Can it be just that easy?” Kurt asks. 

“It can, Sunshine. Remember us getting out of the way and letting our soulbond take care of things sometimes? I think this is one of those times. It will be perfect if we don’t try to overthink it all.” He leans over and pecks Kurt on the nose, _mwwwwaaaah._

Kurt stands up and straddles Blaine’s lap in the chair, snuggling into his neck. 

“Blaine?”

“Yes, love?”

“We’re getting married.”

“Yes, we are.”

“On a farm in Tennessee.”

“It’s beautiful.”

“In March.”

“Yes, we are, baby. We really are.”

“I love you.”

“I love you too.” 

“Blaine?”

“Yes, Sunshine?”

“Are we really leaving for St. Lucia in thirty-six hours, and we’re just sitting here instead of packing and cleaning out the fridge?”

Blaine can’t help but laugh, shaking them both. He’s so in love with this man.

\----~---------------------~---

When they finally get to bed just before midnight, a curly-haired man rolls on top of Kurt, still careful but so grateful he can now. “I’m not sure we can ever top this Christmas, but I want you to know before we drift off that it was the best one I’ve ever had. I love you, my future husband.” He then takes a minute to kiss up Kurt’s torso telling him over and over again how much he loves him. Kurt rubs his fingers all over Blaine’s back while he dotes on him.

“I love you too, future husband. Thank you, thank you for everything, honey. You are my favorite human in the whole world.”

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warnings for this Chapter:** Consensual unprotected sex  
>   
>  **Authors Notes:**
> 
> For those of you who like the little details, this Chapter covers **December 25th**   
> Only one more chapter and the Epilogue to go! 
> 
> *~*~* **Make sure you[subscribe to the series](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1992307) to get updates on all the one-shots being added***~*~*~
> 
> \------  
> You can find artwork (and aesthetics aka "mood boards") and other related posts to this chapter on my Tumblr page [GleefulPoppet](https://gleefulpoppet.tumblr.com/), I'll be adding things over the next month. And I try to add the artwork to the chapter each night as well.
> 
> [Click Here to See Larger on Tumblr](https://gleefulpoppet.tumblr.com/post/633718025383788544/chapter-29-never-knew-i-could-feel-like-this)


	30. Come What May, I Will Love You

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Word Count: 13k+ [Warnings can be found in the notes if you need them]

“Ladies and gentlemen, as we start our descent, please make sure your seat backs and tray tables are in their full upright position. Make sure your seat belt is securely fastened, and all carry-on luggage is stowed underneath the seat in front of you or in the overhead bins. Thank you.”

Blaine rubs Kurt’s knee, leaning over he whispers into his ear, “One step closer to being husbands, Sunshine.” 

“ _Mmmm_. I love the sound of that. I just have to keep remembering that is the goal, and everything will be perfect no matter what happens because, in the end, I leave here as your husband. Everything else is just extra.” 

“Honey, you’ve done everything you can to make this event beautiful and special for our families. It’s going to be wonderful. We’ve done all the hard work. We’ve checked every list twenty times. Promise me you’ll let go now and let everyone else handle it. Please?”

Kurt leans over and kisses Blaine. “I promise. Well, at least I promise I will let Marley specifically handle it. I don't trust anyone else.” 

Blaine laughs. He’s pretty sure Marley works for Kurt more than him now. When Kurt started his new job at the studio, just as Blaine knew he would, he inspired everyone. He was a spark of fire that burned through the whole company. Everyone seemed to want to try a little harder, do a little better, and Kurt was so enthusiastic about everything it brought a sense of joy and light back that nobody really knew was missing. Blaine had been merely functioning in his job the two years before that while he was trying to recover from his heartache and trust issues, but he knew that he wasn’t the person he once was and it had affected his employees. He was grateful that so many of them carried on and did the best they could to deliver the caliber of service he expected them to for their artists. Especially Tina and Marley.

But Kurt and Marley seemed to have a special bond; they were a dynamic duo, and while they included Blaine in the wedding planning, most of the time, he’d sit back and smile and nod in all the right places, his heart filled to the brim with happiness as he watched them do their thing. 

He laughs as he remembers the first day they came into the office after their trip to St. Lucia and since they’d announced their engagement. Tina and Marley had gotten shirts made for everyone in the office that said “I Ship Klaine.” It was a hilarious “shipping” name that they had come up for them, and he had to admit he sort of loved it. He knew Kurt did, too. It went wild on social media after that. 

“Bee? Where’d you go, honey?” Kurt asks. 

“Oh, sorry, just thinking about Marley and work and the t-shirts.” 

Kurt throws his head back and laughs. “How much do you want to bet that when we get there, Marley is wearing hers?”

“I’m not foolish enough to take that bet. I think that is a given. Or she at least brought it as her pajamas. What I was wondering is if I’ll ever get my assistant back or if you’ve permanently stolen her from me?”

“Oh, stop it. She loves you, bee. She will always be yours.” 

“You’ll always be mine, too, right?” Blaine asks. He knows he shouldn’t ask. He honestly didn’t mean to. They were in a good place now, but last month had been hard even though it was all mended and healing. He regrets asking as soon as it comes out of his mouth.

It may seem like an innocent enough question, but Kurt knows where it’s coming from. “Blaine. Please? I thought we—honey, you are my soulmate. Sweetheart, are you still hurting and you haven’t told me?” Kurt is searching Blaine’s face for any hint at what is going on inside.

The plane doors open and it’s time to disembark. Since Blaine insisted on First Class for them, they are right up front and need to get off the plane. Instead of answering, he whispers, “I love you,” leans over and kisses him on the cheek, grabs their carry-ons, and leads Kurt from the aircraft.

Kurt isn’t having it, though. As soon as they get into the gate waiting area, he pulls Blaine towards a pillar, so they are out of the way. “Talk to me right now, Blaine. I can’t live with this hanging out there for another minute.” 

“I’m so sorry. I’m so sorry—I didn’t mean to ask. It just slipped out. I promise I’m fine.” 

“Bee,” Kurt’s voice is firm with an unspoken demand to tell the truth.

“Kurt, I promise. I’m so freaking pissed off at myself right now that I allowed that to slip out. I don’t want that drama this week. I know your mine, and more importantly, I know I’m yours. I know it, honey. We are in such a good place. I’m so sorry.” 

Kurt thinks back to all the “drama.”

_When he started his new job, his first assignment was to work with a brand new artist they had just signed. It was a huge deal and the news that Blaine had been holding in for weeks that he was so excited to share with him. His name was Elliot Gilbert—his artist's name was “Starchild.” He had been on a major network talent show, had an epic YouTube following, and was spectacularly ‘out there.’ Kurt was thrilled it was his first assignment, and he and Elliot hit it off like peanut butter and jelly._

_Blaine seeing the two of them become fast friends, made him question their own relationship. He wondered if Kurt got along so quickly with everyone. He already had every single employee in the office wrapped around his finger. Blaine had heard him call lots of people “honey” by now, and it hadn’t bothered him. After all, Kurt had been honest with him from their library date that he regularly called people that. And since then, he had assured Blaine that it was different with him. Not only that, but Kurt was calling him “honey” because of his golden eyes and because he was Kurt’s “Honey Bee.” There was nothing “generic” about the endearment between the two of them._

_But one day, Blaine walked up the stairs into the Courage Studio Design Loft right when Kurt had said, “Oh honey, no,” grabbing Elliot’s hand away from a catalog photo they were looking at, talking about a pair of pants that had an atrocious pattern on it. Kurt looked over to the stairs to see Blaine standing there, his eyes turning cold and distant, as hurt and fear replaced the usual warmth. It stopped time and Kurt’s heart. Blaine silently turned around and left without saying a word to either of them._

_It escalated from there and ended up in an epic yelling match about five days later when Elliot came over to their loft. Blaine actually used the words “glitter rock vampire” as a wild stab at an insult and accusation in the heat of the moment. Elliot, who was trying to break the tension, started laughing and walked right over to Blaine, grabbed his head in his hands, and kissed him soundly on the cheek—truthfully, it was the corner of his mouth. They were all laughing at that point, and it ended with hugs all around._

_In the end, it was ironic that Blaine was the one that ended up with a kiss. They all joked about it, and it seemed like Elliot and Blaine were fine, even better than fine. It seemed like they would all be the best of friends as they sat around the piano that night playing and singing. Elliot and Blaine even made up a song about a glitter rock vampire. Klaine was going strong (as they were known around the office, thanks to Marley), and Elliot had his own guy whom he adored. There were so many reassurances from Elliot and Kurt that while they did enjoy each other’s company, they were not each other’s types. Even if they were single, they’d be platonic besties, maybe even joined at the hip but never more than that, ever._

So what was there to keep fretting about? But Blaine seemed to be a bit more cuddly and needing more reassurance ever since then. Kurt had given it gladly. He did understand how soon it was in their relationship for Blaine to see him find another kindred spirit that he felt connected to, even if it was platonically. Kurt did think the timing of the universe was strange sometimes. He figured though it was one of the things that was there to help them overcome yet another “phoenix” as they started calling those emotional experiences that burned them both to the ground and built them stronger from the ashes. He thought they had talked enough with each other and their couples therapist that it had all been healed, and things were better. So what was happening now?

“Blaine Blaine, I love you. I always have, and I always will.”

“I know. I know. Honey, my emotions are _everywhere_ , and it slipped out. Please can we let this go? I need a safe space circle right now, Kurt. I’m begging you for your forgiveness and to leave it here. I love you, I trust you, I’m yours. Please can we leave this here?” 

“Of course we can, bee.” He pulls him into a tight hug and kisses his temple. Then whispers in his ear, “Let’s go get everything ready so we can get married on Saturday. And then, my darling, after the reception is over, I’ll let you get all _territorial_ and mark me in every single way you can dream of, because you know how much I actually love it. Especially when it’s my turn to return the favor.”

Blaine groans in his arms, “You trying to get me hard in the middle of an airport?”

“ _Mmmm_ maybe.” He pulls away, “But maybe it would be smarter to go check into our room. Maybe there’s a wall, you can—”

“You have to stop. You have to, baby,” Blaine starts laughing, leaning his forehead against Kurt’s for a moment before grabbing Kurt’s hand, intertwining their fingers, and they start walking towards baggage claim.

\------------------------------

As their driver pulls up through the farm's wrought iron gates, Blaine squeezes Kurt’s hand. It's better than they had even hoped for. The lush green scenery is breathtaking. The farm is nestled at the base of the Smoky Mountains, making it feel safe from the worries of the busy everyday world. The trees are majestic guards of privacy. The rolling grassy hills add mystery. You can’t help but wonder what might be hiding on the other side. The lake down the slope is a reflective mirror of the gorgeous open sky.

From the moment they arrive at the main building lovingly referred to as the Berry House, as it was once where they processed all the berries on the farm, they are treated like royalty. Someone is there to greet them by name, welcoming them and congratulating them on their wedding. They are given berry-infused spring water and a warm homemade oatmeal chocolate chip cookie as they check-in. Their luggage is quickly loaded for them in the onsite valet service car, and they are driven to their small private cottage on the property that will be theirs for the next ten days.

When they walk up the stone stairs, then cross the white wood porch into the beautiful home, Kurt wonders how many more times today he’ll gasp out loud, and Blaine will squeeze his hand and whisper “wow” under his breath. The space is the perfect mix of modern comfort and design mixed with nostalgia and comfort. There is a gorgeous hand-cut gray stone fireplace in the center of the living room wall, plush black chairs with cream piping, a large cream couch with black pinstripes, and an eight-foot-tall picturesque window with an incredible view of the misty mountains. The kitchen is open to the room; the mix of woods and stainless steel appliances is stunning. Off to the left, they venture into the bedroom. There is a king-size black, four-poster bed with crisp gray and white linens, a dozen fluffy feather pillows, and a black and white throw blanket with a geometric pattern. There are two chairs in the corner and a small table set with fresh cut flowers to look out the window into a rolling field. The ensuite bathroom is all white, with a large sit-in tub, walk-in shower, and two sinks; all the accents are a brushed satin silver. It feels ethereal and heavenly. 

Blaine looks at Kurt in the mirror and sees a tear sliding down his cheek. “Oh baby, please tell me that is a happy tear. What’s wrong, love?”

“It’s so much more than I imagined it would be, Blaine. I’m not talking about just this house or the venue. It’s you. It’s everything. My life is so much better than I could have ever imagined. I love you.”

“I love you, too, baby, so much. Come here.” He pulls Kurt into his arms and holds him tight for a few minutes. 

“Thank you, bee. Let’s finish looking around and see if we can find Marley?” Just as Kurt finishes saying it, they hear a knock on the door. “Well, there we go. I bet that’s her.”

They walk to the front door to answer it, “Marley!” They both shout with joy in unison, in perfect pitch, which makes them all laugh.

“Well, hello, bosses. It’s good to see you. I have to say I’ve been antsy ever since I got here last night. I knew you’d love it here and couldn’t wait to show you. Please tell me it’s better than we even thought? I mean, those live tours we did over Skype did this place no justice, am I right?”

“You are so right,” Kurt answers.

“We are still a little overwhelmed, to be honest,” Blaine says with a dreamy tone to his voice, fingers intertwined with Kurt’s.

“I know you just got here, but I’d love to show you around. The venue where the wedding is going to be is—I don’t even have the words. You’ll have to see it for yourself. But first, did you have a chance to look around the kitchen?”

“No, not yet,” Blaine answers.

She leads the way, opening the refrigerator as she talks, “I think everything we requested is here for the meals you wanted to make. Take a look around and let me know if you want anything else. There was a distinct lack of junk food on the list you gave me, so I fixed that.” She opens one of the cupboards, smiling at the assortment of candy, cookies, popcorn, and more. “I don’t care how fancy this place is or healthy you normally eat. You guys need to have fun. It’s your honeymoon!” She winks at them, and they both laugh at her. She’s the sweetest. 

“If you want anything else, let me know before I leave on Sunday. I’ll make sure you are all stocked up.” She moves over to the counter, picking up a laminated card, “Here is the number you can call for the resort's grocery service too. They will pick it up at the store and deliver it here for you, too. And of course, the number for the two restaurants on property that will deliver here to the cottage.”

“Thank you so much, Marley. It all looks wonderful,” Kurt says as he pulls her into a hug.

“My pleasure. Alrighty, well, are you two ready to meet the event organizer and look around?”

They nod in agreement and set off for their tour.

\------------------------------

When they arrived back at the cottage a few hours later, just the two of them, they decide to call it an early night. All the months of planning and their travel day is starting to catch up to them. They make salads together in the kitchen, excited to try the colorful organic veggies grown right on the property. They [sing](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mwZsNKm6j3I) “Teenage Dream” to each other for old time’s sake, dancing around the kitchen as they work. They curl up on the couch together as best as they can while still being able to eat and reminisce about how much has happened in the last six months. 

After their salads are gone, and they’ve rinsed out their bowls, Blaine asks, “Is there anything else we want to add to our ‘marriage agreement,’ love? We promised we’d talk about it tonight or tomorrow, remember? 

Kurt reflects on one of the Sunday Wafflesations they shared in St. Lucia when Blaine had approached him about making a marriage agreement or contract like the dating one they had made. Or the list they had made on how to help each other when things got difficult. So they sat out on the porch of their private bungalow, listening to the sounds of the waves crash against the sand, and talked for over three hours about what they wanted in their marriage. What they hoped for—what they wanted to commit to each other. 

“I remember. I have it in our family Dropbox. Do you want me to read them out loud, and then we can talk about it?”

Blaine nods affirmatively, “Please,” he says as they cuddle up on the couch again.

Kurt starts reading.

  
**Anderson-Hummel Marriage Agreement**

We want to _thrive_ together in a healthy, successful relationship. So we commit to honesty above all else and the following agreements for our marriage:

  * We actively choose each other every day
  * Our relationship comes first over _everything_ else, including jobs and children
  * We commit to not becoming complacent; every six months, we discuss
  * Weekly dates taking turns on planning them, we keep falling in love 
  * We make our physical relationship a priority, generous with affection
  * We praise abundantly and criticize sparingly
  * No TV in our bedroom—no electronic devices in our bed
  * Create safe spaces/circles for open communication and honesty in all areas
  * Live our Family Mission Statement/Motto and update it when needed:  
 _We choose each other every day._ _  
_ _Our loyalty lies with the people within these walls._ _  
_ _We communicate honestly._ _  
_ _We create safe spaces for each other._ _  
_ _We love fearlessly and forever._
  * Sunday is family day, waffles/conversation, a day to build memories
  * We will actively see a marriage counselor at least once a quarter if nothing more than for a check-in
  * We make time for play, recreation, and vacation
  * We frequently reminisce about our origin story, keeping those memories alive
  * We feel, deal, and heal as often as needed
  * Always a team, never opponents
  * We use our journal as a tool in our marriage to keep building our foundation



We’re in this together,  
Kurt E. Hummel  
Blaine D. Anderson

“Those are so good. We did good, didn’t we, Kurt?” Blaine smiles and rubs Kurt’s knee. 

“We did. I’m sure we won’t be perfect at all of them all of the time, but we’ve had these conversations, we have this list, we can keep visiting it. We should hang it in our bedroom somewhere. And I’m going to keep it on my phone, always, so I can look at it often.”

“I think those are both great ideas. We can also add it to our spreadsheet. We can tweak it as we need to, but I like it the way it is?”

“Me too.” 

“Actually, I may have one,” Blaine says with a mischievous grin. 

“Oh, and what that might be?” Kurt has a feeling he knows what is coming out of Blaine’s mouth next. 

“Never, ever, ever again are we agreeing to a week with no sex. Like ever,” Blaine says, wiggling his eyebrows, but his tone is quite serious, not matching the smile at the corners of his lips. 

Kurt bursts out laughing. “Oh, poor baby. Are you so horny?” He deliberately reaches over and starts rubbing his hand up Blaine’s thigh and kissing at his neck.

“Yes, I am! And already used my two free masturbation passes, and you know it since you watched. But I didn’t want to use them this close to the wedding, so I figured why save them? What the hell was I thinking agreeing to this—and damn it, I think it was mostly my idea? How can we get married if I can’t walk down the aisle because I’m in so much pain, _hmmm_?” 

“Well, we can’t have that, can we?” Kurt whispers in his ear. “We only said no sex, and only two solos each. We didn’t say anything about what would happen if one of us came without touching, did we? So just how desperate are you, honey? Want me to put on a show for you? Is it worth the risk, watching me touch myself to see if you can get off on it enough to come untouched? Or will it only end in more frustration for you? I have one left. Do you want to try?” 

Blaine lets out an exasperated sigh and rolls his eyes, “Honey, are you trying to kill me less than forty-eight hours before we finally get to be married?” 

Kurt’s only answer is to pin him to the couch and kiss him fiercely before Blaine has to beg for mercy. “That’s it! I’m done! Come on, let’s put our coats on and go for a walk.” 

Kurt can’t help but giggle and smirk. When they talked about doing this challenge, Blaine teased Kurt that he didn’t think _Kurt_ could do it, and here they are. It’s him that can’t, poor Blainey. But really, shouldn’t Blaine know better by now that Kurt likes taking on a challenge, especially one thrown down like that?

\------------

The next morning Kurt decides to try and help put Blaine out of his misery. He really had been teasing him more than usual, trying to get Blaine on edge over and over again the last few days. So, when they finally make it to the shower after a heated “morning kisses” make-out session, Kurt whispers in his ear, “You can have my last solo. I’m giving it to you whenever you're ready. Now, tonight, tomorrow morning, it’s yours.”

Blaine whimpers, “Oooh damn it, Kurt. Are you serious? I can’t say no, I can't. I need to come so bad, please, now please.” 

“Go ahead, baby, it’s yours. I was saving it for you. Show me how much you want me.” He steps backward, pressed up against the glass on the opposite side of the shower to watch because that was the rule—it has to be solo. Otherwise, it counts as sex as defined by the rules, and that would defeat the whole purpose of the “No Sex Before We’re Married” week-long agreement. 

Blaine’s eyes are clenched shut. He starts a frantic, almost rough, pace on himself, so desperate, hating the distance between them. “Kurt, Kurt. I need you,” he whines.

“Bee, try to make it last. Slow down, show me. Make it so good for yourself, honey.” He watches as Blaine continues focusing on his need instead of his enjoyment. “Blaine,” he says in a determined tone. “Look at me, Blaine.” 

Blaine opens his eyes and looks at Kurt. Kurt smiles at him. “I’m right here, bee. I’m here with you. Keep looking in my eyes. We’re getting married tomorrow, and then I’m going to have you pressed up against the glass right here where I am. Picture it, baby. I’m going to do things to you we’ve never done. Would you like that? If I got on my knees and I…” 

That’s all it takes. Blaine is coming— white-hot everywhere, trying to keep eye contact with Kurt, but it’s so good he only wants to close them tightly and lose himself to the feeling. He’s moaning Kurt’s name over and over again, lost in the orgasm he so desperately needed. Just as he finishes, Kurt has him wrapped up in his arms, “I love you so much, Honey Bee. If this is too much and making you miserable, let’s stop. It was supposed to be fun. I’m so sorry. I don’t think I realized how far gone you were.”

“No, Kurt, I’m sorry. I have no idea why but not being allowed to have it has turned me crazed. I’ve never been this desperate for sex. It’s all I can think about. I can’t believe I just took your solo like that—I was beside myself, though. You are so damn hot, baby. It’s not fair having to live with you without being able to have sex.”

Kurt smiles. He supposes he really couldn’t get a better compliment from the love of his life. 

“You know what I think, Blaine? Sometimes, ideas sound fun. We thought it would be exciting to wait and have something to look forward to on our wedding night, right? But sometimes, it’s okay to realize that not all ideas are good ones. I think this is adding too much stress to our wedding experience, so let’s call it off all right, honey? Let’s try it again for a random week in the summer or something to spice things up if we want to someday. But baby, let’s be done with this during such an important weekend of our lives, okay?”

Blaine starts crying in Kurt’s arms with relief. “Thank you, Kurt. I was close to safewording. I couldn’t do it anymore. I don’t want to be thinking about sex every thirty seconds. I want to enjoy our family and friends, and I don’t want to be worried about not getting hard in front of everyone tomorrow, which will make it happen because that is all I’ll be thinking about.”

“Shhhhh, shhhh, bee, it’s okay. I’m sorry I didn’t see how far gone you were until you started being so rough with yourself. Listen to me, okay? We’re going to have the most beautiful experience in our bed right now while we aren’t exhausted and overwhelmed by the wedding. We’ll enjoy some time together this morning before everyone gets here, and this will still have all been worth it. Let me love you, sweetheart, okay? Let me take care of you.”

Blaine nods against Kurt’s chest, his breath heavy from crying, “Please, Kurt. I need you so much.”

Kurt makes good on his promise. He kisses nearly every inch of Blaine’s skin, tenderly gets him ready before sliding into him, and whispers a thousand words of love and affection in the air between them until Blaine is once again crying out Kurt’s name—who answers it with Blaine’s in a long grateful moan as they orgasm simultaneously. It is gloriously sweet, beautiful, and everything they could have hoped it would have been, even if it was a day early.

They shower again, during which Blaine gives Kurt a spectacular blow job as a thank you for his earlier sacrifice the last time they were in here. Eventually, they are ready for the day and truthfully very excited to see all their friends and family. Kurt knew they made the right decision to call off the challenge. Even if it was the exciting kind, all the tension between them was gone, and he got his sweet, cuddly koala back. He seemed to come alive in his attention and devotion to making sure Kurt had the wedding weekend of his dreams. 

\------------------------------

Blaine drove them down to the farm's central area in the complimentary black golf cart that came with the cottage since it was relatively isolated from everything. They were both quiet, but shining smiles graced their faces as they looked again at the beautiful landscape, relishing in the quiet, devoid of the mind deafening ruckus of New York. They inhaled deeply, soaking up the fragrance of the pines and blossoming fruit trees, and the aroma of freshly mown grass that seemed to linger in the air.

When they arrived at the main building, they greeted Marley who was waiting for them. She took them to the room they had reserved for the early afternoon so that as their friends and family arrived, they could greet them, thank them for coming, and make sure they were well fed after their travels. It had a grand stone and brick fireplace in the middle that you could walk around. There were large black clay pots with vines growing out and up the sides of the stone reaching the ceiling on either side of the mantle. There were four large elegant white couches and eight modern but comfortable looking chairs in the main area. There were tiny white flowers in small vases, and a mix of votive candles in antique jars lit and scattered about to give ambiance. There was a bar made out of reclaimed wood on the back wall that had the most delightful catered Charcuterie boards spread out, with bottles of chilled sparkling apple cider in a large silver bucket of ice. 

First to arrive were Blaine’s parents, followed closely by Kurt’s. They were able to sit and talk with just the six of them for about twenty minutes before people started wandering in at a steady pace. They had asked their travel agent to try and have everyone arrive at about the same time; it seemed to work. Mercedes and her boyfriend Sam, Tina and Mike, Nick and Jeff, Wes, David and their wives, Cooper, his wife, and their girls, Rachel and Jesse, and on and on they came until they had greeted the fifty people that were most important to them in their lives, with the notable exception of Isabelle, who couldn’t be there. She promised to treat them to a night out on the town New York style when they got home from their honeymoon. 

The staff took each of the guests after they ate lunch to their accommodations for the weekend. When they arrived in their room, a welcome basket was waiting for them, filled with presents, confectionaries made on the property, a jar of raw honey from the apiaries, and a spa certificate for the onsite spa house for a twenty-minute shoulder massage. It also included an itinerary for the next day and a half.

 **Friday  
** Arrival, Light Luncheon Berry House   
Explore the Property (See the guide in your room)  
7:00 PM Dinner at the Berry House Restaurant

 **Saturday Morning  
** Breakfast: Please Enjoy Room Service as Part of Your Stay   
10:00 AM Wedding Photos [Please see your assigned time texted to you]  
Noon-2:00 PM Come & Go Light Luncheon Buffet Berry House   
Explore the Property (See the guide in your room)

 **Saturday evening  
** 6:30 PM Berrybrook Barn Wedding Please Arrive No Later Than 6   
7:00 PM Photos  
7:30 PM Reception

 **Sunday Morning  
** Breakfast: Please Enjoy Room Service as Part of Your Stay   
Explore the Property (See the guide in your room)  
Safe Travels

\-----------------------------------

**Saturday Late Afternoon-Berrybrook Barn**

When Kurt and Blaine arrive at Berrybrook Barn, the venue they had chosen for the event, they can’t help but stand on the flagstone patio in awe, Blaine’s arm wrapped tightly around Kurt’s waist. The transformation the wedding planners had done from when they had toured on their first night to now was incredible. There were tall wooden poles anchored in flower boxes with vines growing up, and clear glass cafe lights strung between them. Two outdoor fireplaces are burning warmly with an eclectic assortment of beautiful chairs in a semi-circle around each one.

They can see through the three open double barn doors into the reception area. They move in closer, walking hand in hand as they take in the realization of their dreams coming true. There are nine round tables covered in long gray tablecloths, with crisp white accent cloths on top. Kurt walks toward one of the tables, running his fingers along the edge before he gently brushes over the centerpiece in the middle, made from roses, peonies, and tiny wildflower daisies, set in shallow square vases with fresh foliage cuttings from around the farm. The tableware is glistening white china with silver and gold accents that match the silverware adorned with embossed honey bees on the handles. At each place setting there are deep yellow linen napkins, a stem of raw cotton tucked inside the fold, tied with jute and a tag that has their monogram, underneath each of their letters are stamped a small vintage bumblebee and sun. The crystal glasses catch the lighting of the magnificent rustic chandeliers overhead, which were draped with natural greenery as well.

Blaine walks up behind Kurt and wraps his arms around his waist, “Are you happy, love?”

Kurt turns quickly in his arms, embracing him, pressing his body as close to him as he possibly can. “This is more than I could have ever dreamed of. Thank you, my Honey Bee. I am so grateful, so in love with you, so beyond happy.”

They stand there frozen in time for a few more minutes taking in as many details as they can. The huge windows in the back allow a spectacular view of the meadows and mountains behind the barn. The walls are covered in reclaimed barn wood, pieced together by a master craftsman, the mismatched textures, colors, and tones giving the entire venue an artistic, rustic charm. The stand for the orchestra is stunning, flower garlands wrap around it, with a baby grand piano front and center.

“I’m glad, Sunshine. And I love you, too. And as much as I don't want to let you go, Marley is starting to do her antsy dance over in the corner. I appreciate her giving us this space for a few minutes, though. But it’s time for us to get ready. And the next time I see you, we’ll be walking towards each other and our forever.”

“Forever,” Kurt repeats back in a whisper.

\------------------------------

**Kurt’s Dressing Room-Berrybrook Barn**

Kurt looks at his reflection in the mirror, straightening his suit for the millionth time in the last five minutes alone. It’s a rich black jacket with different textures in a subtle camouflage pattern. The fabric of the lapel is textured in another pattern that almost looks like hundreds of tiny stripes. It takes all his self-control not to touch his hair again. It's perfectly coiffed and he needs to stop messing with it. He’s about to straighten the white peony boutonniere one last time, but as if reading his thoughts, Mercedes speaks up, “Don’t touch it, Hummel! You look so handsome, boo. Relax.”

Kurt grins at her through the mirror, “Thank you. I know, I know, just nervous habits, I guess.” 

_Knock, knock._

They both look over to the door, “Come in!” Kurt says, which Mercedes adds, “Unless you’re Blaine!” 

The door slowly opens. “No, it’s just us,” Burt says as he opens the door the rest of the way, and he and Carole walk in. “Marley asked us to come to tell you that it’s almost time.” 

“Oh, Kurt,” Carole tears up, her jaw drops slightly. “Sweetheart, you look so stunning.”

“Thank you, Carole,” he says, and he turns around from the mirror finally. I must say you and Dad look pretty glamorous yourselves.” 

Carole does a half twirl in her teal dress with white and yellow flowers scattered on it that Kurt picked out for her, “I love my dress, honey, thank you.” 

Burt walks over in his charcoal gray suit paired with a teal tie that matches Carole’s dress and firmly grasps Kurt’s shoulder, squeezing, knowing better than giving him a full hug when he’s dressed to the nines like this, “How are you holding up son? You okay?”

“I’m better than okay, Dad. I know happily ever afters are something you make; they aren’t given to you. But right now, it feels like I’m getting mine, and I know that Blaine and I are going to make it.” 

“I believe you will, Kurt, but I’d love to know what makes you feel so sure?” Burt asks sincerely.

“Back in October, when I was getting ready for my first date with Blaine, I asked myself what I wanted. And I remember thinking I wanted an ‘easy kind of love’ and I wondered what that meant? I knew part of it included someone honest, who didn’t play games, and who would love with ferocity. I found all of that and more with Blaine, including the answer to my question. The answer is that it’s easy because I know no matter what we will face, it will be worth it. I’ll never have to second guess my love for him or his love for me, and that makes it easy, no matter how hard it gets.”

“Such an old soul, wise beyond your years. I’m proud of you, Kurt, real proud. Love you, kiddo.”

“Love you too, Dad,” his eyes well up with emotion. "Thank you for believing in me. Now scoot! Geez, I’m getting all weepy!” he starts laughing and wipes away the one rogue tear that escaped.

“Alright, we’ll see you out there, honey,” Carole says as she squeezes his elbow lovingly and then takes Burt’s offered arm as they go to take their seats.

**Blaine's Dressing Room-Berrybrook Barn**

Pam is sitting by the window in an oversized antique floral chair, the sun getting lower on the horizon flooding the room with warmth and natural light. She watches her son fuss for the hundredth time with his bowtie and move his fingers down his crisp white shirt, checking each of the black embossed buttons running down the front. He moves his head back and forth, making sure his hair is just like Kurt likes it, mostly natural curl but a smidgeon of gel to tame it.

She stands, taking the boutonniere from the table, ready to pin it on the lapel of his beautifully tailored black suit jacket. “Blaine, I want you to know that your father and I are so happy for you. We truly are. I know we haven’t handled everything with you very well over the years. I know we could have done better, but we’re trying harder now, especially your dad. I hope you know that. It doesn't excuse—”

Blaine cuts her off, kissing her cheek, “Thank you, Mom. I know he is, and it was so hard for so long, but I don’t want to dwell on the past. Let’s focus on how we move forward from here with a better understanding of each other and being more open as a family.” 

“That is generous of you. Thank you, Blaine. And Kurt, oh Blaine, my miracle boy, he’s simply amazing. He’s more than I could have even dreamed of for you, and I’m your mother, so that is saying something.”

“He really is the most incredible man. I still wonder how he’s real sometimes. But when he holds me, I know I’m the luckiest man in the entire world. I love him so much, Mom,” He chokes up on the last words, and his suit be damned, he needs a hug from his mom, so he pulls her into his arms.

Marley knocks on the door and sticks her head in, “It’s time. Mrs. Anderson, do you want me to show you where your seat is?” She nods yes to Marley, hugs Blaine one last time, and then leaves to let Blaine have a minute to himself. 

**Berrybrook Barn-Wedding Ceremony**

Kurt stands in the far right corner of the venue, waiting for his cue. His heart is beating a million miles an hour, not out of fear or anxiety but from the joy he feels. Looking out, he can see all their friends and family seated in tidy rows of hand-forged hammered steel square backed chairs. The room is cast with the perfect mixture of light, the warm glow of the setting sun, the flicker and shadow of candles, the twinkle from hundreds of cafe lights, and the soft yellow light from the handblown glass of the hanging chandeliers.

On the far wall, bundles of tree branches and raw wood were carefully crafted into an exquisite arch, interwoven with the same stunning greenery, foliage, and flowers that decorated the rest of the room. His dad is waiting there to officiate the ceremony with a genuinely happy grin, waiting for “his boys,” as he liked to call the two of them. Kurt can’t help but smile too. Burt had started calling Blaine “son,” “bud,” and “kiddo” right from the very beginning. Kurt supposes that meeting your son’s boyfriend under terrifying circumstances they did bonded them in a way nothing else ever could have.

Out of the corner of his eye, he sees that Blaine has arrived and is in position but promises not to look until the song starts. At that moment, his dad nods to Mercedes, and the small orchestra begins to play the music. “Everyone please rise for the grooms.” 

Everyone stands and turns to look behind them. Mercedes starts singing, “At Last” in her majestically soulful voice. 

Kurt and Blaine turn, locking their eyes, breath catching in their chest, speaking unsaid words with their expressions—something close to, “I love you. Damn, baby, you look gorgeous.” They take the first step towards each other at the same time in perfect sync. One step at a time, they walk closer to their forever. They meet at the entrance to the aisle at the same moment, where they intertwine their hands, turn, and walk towards the archway and Burt. When they arrive at the front, they turn towards each other. Blaine reaches out and holds Kurt’s other hand, too.

As the song finishes, Burt announces that everyone may be seated. He takes a second to clear his throat, making sure his voice is clear and that he can project across the room. Seeing his son walk down the aisle like that has him choked up.

“Welcome! Good evening, family and friends. We have gathered here to celebrate the wedding of Blaine and Kurt. On behalf of the grooms, thank you for being here to add your support to their decision to commit themselves to marriage.

“Today, they demonstrate their unyielding devotion to each other by committing to honor the vows they have created. Today, their lives will be joined as one.

“Kurt, Blaine, at this time, I would like to encourage you to remember the love that brought you to this place, that you will always be grateful for the love that you share. Be attentive to each other’s needs, kind, tender, and respectful in everything that you do. I hope you will make your marriage a refuge and place of safety in any storms you may weather. And that you will build the foundation of your life together on honesty and truth, always, no matter what.

“Now! Without further ado, the part we have all been waiting for,” he chuckles, as does the audience. He then beckons over Blaine’s nieces, carefully walking to the appointed spot wearing tiny wrist corsages and adorable matching gray and white pinstripe dresses, each carrying a handmade framed glass box filled with moss and a ring sitting on top. One of the girls is wearing a bee necklace to signify that she has Blaine’s ring, and the other is wearing a sparkling sun necklace to denote she has Kurt’s. 

“Blaine and Kurt, do you present yourselves willingly to be joined in marriage?” 

“We do,” they say in unison, smiling at each other, eyes filled with unshed tears.

“Then, you may now share the vows that you have written for each other and exchange rings as a symbol of your promises.”

Kurt speaks first, voice shaking but full of resolve and confidence. “Blaine Blaine, I wish I could adequately articulate the love I have for you. Not the love that continually fills my stomach with butterflies or makes my heart skip each time you walk into a room—but the kind of love that makes it seem like our souls have been forged together in a fire, eons before this lifetime. The word love is used far too often ever to be able to explain the passionate, blazing, fierce feelings I have in my heart for you. You are my everything. You know my insecurities and weaknesses and still, you never make me feel inadequate. Your laugh brings me to life. You’re intelligent and so generous. There is no one I would rather talk to for hours on end. I promise to choose our love every single day, to fall in love with you more than the day before. I promise to be your best friend and guardian of your heart, to stand by you in everything. I promise to help you make your dreams come true. I can't stop you from failing, but I can promise to make it safe if you do. I promise to remember we’re perfectly imperfect—which makes us perfect for each other. Come what may, I will love you, fearlessly and forever.”

He takes Blaine’s ring from the glass box and slides it on Blaine’s finger. “With this ring, you will carry my heart and my promises wherever you go. I am yours. I love you with all that I am, Blaine Anderson.” 

Blaine has tears sliding down his cheek and leans forward so that their foreheads touch. He needs a minute before he can speak, and as it has from the start, this act of affection has brought them peace so many times.

He finally pulls back and takes a deep breath. “Kurt, you are my soulmate and my best friend. We both know that in every lifetime you and I have ever lived, we’ve chosen to come back and find each other and fall in love all over again. You are my sunshine. You are everything that makes my life warm and bright. Since the moment we fell into each other’s arms on 5th Avenue, it has been a feeling of feeling like I was home, _finally_. You have moved me countless times. You make me want to be a better person in every way. I love how you bring a spark of life to every situation you find yourself in—that you live and enjoy each moment. I love how you can see deep into my soul. I feel seen and understood, so loved by you. You are my everything. I promise to do all I can to support you. To help you reach your dreams. I promise to remember that we are both perfectly imperfect. I promise to keep our lives full of passion, adventure, and play. I promise to be devoted in my adoration of you, to cherish and respect you. I promise to choose you each day, over and over, for all eternity. Come what may, I will love you, fearlessly and forever.”

He then takes Kurt’s ring from his niece and slides it on Kurt’s finger. “With this ring, you will carry my heart and my promises wherever you go. I am yours. I love you with all my heart, Kurt Hummel.” 

Burt has a tissue he pulled from his pocket, dabbing at his face, and clears his throat again. “I think I can confidently say we have all been profoundly touched. The love that you two share is inspiring to all of us. In the honesty of your shared vows, and in accordance with the laws of the state of Tennessee, it is my honor and delight to declare you husband and husband. You may now kiss each other!”

Everyone cheers and claps. Blaine pulls Kurt into his arms, wrapping his arms tightly around his waist, Kurt throwing his arms around Blaine’s neck, and they fall into a kiss full of emotion, their feelings spilling out through the energy between them. They need to feel the comfort and warmth of each other's breath in their own mouths. The temptation is there to take what they both truly want, but they had promised to keep it tasteful in front of their guests. So they intuitively end it much sooner than they would like with a sweet, tender brush of their lips one last time as they pull away. 

“May I present, Mr. and Mr. Anderson-Hummel.” 

They walk back down the aisle hand in hand and slip away to the patio, off to the side near a tree, taking a minute for themselves before they go back in to accept everyone’s congratulations and well wishes. They hold each other, listening to the sound of the wildlife, insects chirping, a few birds singing, and the breeze through the treetops.

“Hello, husband,” Kurt says as he pulls away to look at Blaine.

“ _Mmmm_ , husband. I love the sound of that. I love you, husband.”

“I love you, too. Bee, the vows you wrote, they were so profound and beautiful.”

“I feel the same way about yours, Kurt. They touched me deeply. I want to sit down together and read them so that we can spend more time with them? I was so nervous. I’m sure I didn’t catch everything.”

“We will. I’m so glad we still have another week here to absorb all of our feelings and thoughts. Should we see if our rings [are working](https://thetouchx.com/hbring/index.html) before everyone misses us?”

“Let me see it on you? Put your hand over your heart.” Blaine reaches down to pull Kurt’s hand up as he rests it on his chest. “Baby, it looks superb on you! I can’t believe you’ll be able to feel my heartbeat through it.”

Kurt pulls Blaine's hand over his heart, “And you’ll feel mine in yours. Shall we try it, my Honey Bee?”

Pulling their hands away, they double-tap the ring on their finger and wait. Within fifteen seconds, they gasp at the same time. 

“I can feel it,” Blaine exclaims the same time as Kurt does.

“This is the best thing ever. Damn, I’m going to start bawling like a baby, Kurt. We better put these feelings away until tonight, but will you hold me again for a minute?”

“Tonight.” Kurt agrees and pulls Blaine close to his chest, kissing his temple. “Love you.” 

Blaine takes a few deep breaths, sending a silent prayer of gratitude, out from his heart, that this is where his journey has taken him. Grateful that he and Kurt belong to each other now—that they had this chance. He reluctantly pulls away from Kurt, “Shall we then, Mr. Anderson-Hummel? Our guests await!” He offers Kurt his arm and leads him back inside to enjoy their reception. 

\------------------------------

As the event staff quickly remove all the chairs from what will now become the dance floor, Kurt and Blaine, photographer in tow, make their rounds through the room, accepting everyone’s well wishes, congratulations, and compliments on the vows they had so carefully written for each other. By the time they get through everyone, dinner has been set up. 

Three long tables dressed in gray linens are overflowing with glass jars, bowls, and plates filled with every topping you could ever imagine for the homemade waffles made on-site by one of the resident chefs. As each person lifts their plate to visit the waffle bar, they find a question card hidden underneath with questions they can ask people at their table. It sparks the whole pavilion to life as people start chattering and getting to know each other better. Blaine and Kurt sit at their table with their parents and are glad to see that something so important to them has been a big hit at their wedding. 

Soon enough, the obligatory awkward toast begins, and the Anderson-Hummel men go scarlet red more than a few times as friends and family do their best to embarrass them. They wouldn’t have it any other way. The trips down memory lane are delightful, and the atmosphere is fun and cheerful. Kurt and Blaine each take a turn thanking their parents, and then it’s time for their first dance. 

As Blaine leads Kurt to the dance floor and pulls him into his arms, the music starts playing over the sound system. The instrumental first few notes of “Come What May” begin to play, but they smile knowingly into each other’s necks when they hear the collective gasp of everyone in the room. When the words start, it’s Kurt and Blaine’s [voices singing](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2NwRYe7XlkM). They had spent a few days in the recording studio a month ago working on it with some of Blaine’s sound engineers. It was a surprise to everyone. There isn’t a dry eye in the room as everyone watches these two men hold each other tenderly, trading sweet kisses on their shoulders, neck, and temples. They seem to be lost in the song. The world and the people watching them melted away until it’s only them. They can feel the pulse of each other’s hearts through their rings. They feel that tether which has been forged between so many times now tug even tighter and whispers between them, _Husbands—finally._

__

When the dance is over, there is a sacredness that permeates the room. Everyone knows that they just witnessed a bond, something incredibly rare and special. There is clapping, but it’s reverent and respectful as the two men pull away from each other and kiss. 

They walk hand in hand back to their table and offer their arms for their mothers to join them on the dance floor. They recorded one last song for tonight, and it is dedicated to their mothers, all three of them. It's their own rendition of the popular mash-up of “Over the Rainbow and What a Wonderful World.” When they thought about what song to sing, they realized that [this one](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Z26BvHOD_sg) could not be more perfect. Kurt’s mom was somewhere over the rainbow—way up high, Carole loved the _Wizard of Oz_ , and Blaine’s mother had sang “What a Wonderful World” as a lullaby to Blaine—her beautiful miracle baby. They dance for the first third of it with their own mothers and then surprise them by switching for a verse and chorus, then switching back for the last verse before the song is over. The four of them are so emotional that Marley runs up in the middle to hand Pam and Carole tissues to dry their eyes. As the song ends, they hug each other and then escort their moms back to their seats. 

The small orchestra starts playing a few songs. While the event staff cleans up everyone’s dishes, everyone starts to walk around and mingle and wander out to the patio to enjoy the fireplaces and the hot chocolate bar set up outside. It’s not cold, but there is definitely a chill in the air as the night goes on. 

Eventually, Blaine and Kurt head up to the stage as the orchestra finish up one of their songs. Kurt is handed a microphone. “So we’ve officially reached the part of the reception where Blaine and I are going to pretend that we’re shocked that we’ve each prepared a song to sing to each other. And Honey Bee, I got up here first, so I’m going first!” Everyone starts laughing and gathering around the stage as Kurt sits down at the piano. “Although, as always, I love singing with you best, so feel free to join me.”

He starts playing the song, and Blaine’s entire soul lights up; it’s a Colbie Caillat song. He grabs a guitar and sits on the edge of the piano bench sideways so he fits with Kurt. Kurt leans over and kisses his shoulder, and then he [starts singing](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2qdhJxvS6eE). 

_If all I had was a dollar and your bright smile  
_ _I'd have a dollar more than I would need to get by  
_ _'Cause I'm a billionaire if you count every_ **_sunrise  
_ ** _Wakin' by your side, and every good night  
_ _If all you had was the way that I love you  
_ _You'd have more honey than the_ **_honey bees_ ** _in June  
_ _I'll keep you laughin', keep you smilin', keep your dreams true  
_ _Long as I have you, nothin' we can't do_

[...] 

Blaine joins in the chorus with him after the first verse, playing along with his guitar. They didn’t practice together, but they gave a perfect performance, and the crowd gathered cheers loudly. They start chanting, “More Klaine! More Klaine! More Klaine!” Everyone wants to hear them sing together again. Kurt wonders just how many of their friends and family Marley has brought to the dark side. He’s worried everyone is going to be wearing #Klaine t-shirts before the night is over.

They end up playing and singing for over an hour, playing all their favorite songs. 

  * Teenage Dream
  * Got to Get you Into my Life
  * Have it All
  * You’re my Best Friend
  * All You Need is Love
  * Just Can’t Get Enough
  * All of Me
  * Never Gonna Let you Down
  * Somebody Loves You



They finally insist on taking a break from their unplanned concert to get some chilled sparkling cider and let the orchestra play. They make their way out to the patio for some fresh air squeezing together on one of the larger chairs by the fireplace, sneaking a few kisses when they can. 

Before they know what is happening, the next two hours go by in a hurried blur. They cut the cake, take more photos, dance with Blaine’s nieces, hug their parents again, chat with Cooper, sing along with Mercedes as she brings the house down with a few songs, and start saying their goodnights. Sparklers are being lit and handed out to everyone on the patio, and then the event staff has pulled up their cart, now decorated by friends so that they can head back to their cottage. They make one more round of hugs, sincerely thanking everyone for being part of their wedding before they climb into the cart and start waving goodnight. Everyone cheers and waves their sparklers as they drive off into the night. 

“On a scale of one to ten, was that not at least a thousand, bee?” 

“It was, Kurt. Everything was so perfect. Every detail was so personal. You did an amazing job planning that, Sunshine.”

“Don’t do that. It was a team effort. And you are the one who made it all possible, Blaine. Not just financially, but in every way, your love and support, the vows, these incredible rings all of it. I don’t know if I can ever express how grateful I am that you made all my dreams come true tonight. Thank you.”

“You’re welcome, love, but you know I feel the same about you, right? You made this what it was. I will always be grateful that you care so much about our relationship that you thought of such tiny details. I mean, the bee and sun stamped on the napkins nearly broke me, honey.”

Kurt laughs, which echoes into the night air. “Guess what, Honey Bee?”

“What, Sunshine?” Blaine asks, grinning. Kurt’s laugh is infectious.

“We got married.” He leans over and kisses Blaine’s cheek. 

Now it’s Blaine’s laugh echoing. “We did. And I’ve never been happier—or more exhausted.” 

“Right?” And as if summoned by the idea itself, Kurt yawns. 

As they pull up to the cottage, which strangely feels like home, they grab their bags and walk inside. When they see the sight before them, they say in unison, “Marley!”

The fire is aglow, adding a welcoming warmth. The counter has an assortment of healthy snacks and flavored waters with a note that there is an assortment of sandwiches and salads in the refrigerator. There is a gorgeous fresh cut flower arrangement with a simple card that says “Congratulations” in beautiful calligraphy handwritten in gold ink. 

Kurt turns to take the boutonniere off of Blaine’s jacket, “Should we put some pajamas on and sit down and talk about everything for a little while? I’m not sure why but I’m craving that more than anything else, honey?”

Blaine removes Kurt’s flower as well, “I’d love that. Let’s maybe go ahead and take some personal time. I’ll use the guest bathroom out here, and you can have ours, okay? Let me grab my towel and some PJs.”

“Perfect, I’ll meet you out here then.” 

\------------------------------

When Kurt comes out from their bedroom thirty minutes later, he's carrying a box wrapped in kraft paper, baker’s twine tied around it with a Polaroid picture of them tucked under the string that says “Husband.” He’s wearing gray pajama bottoms and a teal #Klaine t-shirt that they couldn't help but laugh about when they saw them laid out on their bed. Kurt is guessing all their guests ended up with t-shirts after all.

There was also a wrapped box filled with unspeakable things that read: _From: The Boys_ , which they were sure must have had something to do with Cooper, Nick, and Jeff. The best part of it was the secondary note laying beside it that read:

 _I had nothing to do with whatever nonsense this is.  
_ _Congrats again, bosses.  
_ _< 3 Marley_

Blaine walks out, not even ten seconds later, his face lighting up to see Kurt standing there. “Hello, husband.” 

“Hello, come sit with me?” Kurt asks as he reaches out his hand and guides them over to the couch. They take their usual position with Blaine sitting, Kurt laying with his head against the armrest and his legs over Blaine’s lap. 

“This is for you, Honey Bee.” 

“What is this? What did you do, baby?”

“Just open it, please?”

Blaine starts shaking, he’s not sure how he knows, but he knows that whatever is in this box will turn his world upside down. It’s from Kurt, after all. He’s finally able to get the wrapping paper off and slowly opens the lid. Inside lies a thin but gorgeous leather-bound journal. He lifts it out of the box, now sitting on Kurt’s shins, and opens the cover to reveal the first page.

 _For the love of my life, my amazing friend, my one true love.  
_ _I love you with all that I am._

_~Kurt_

He then flips to the next page, and he finally bursts into the tears that have been threatening him all night. He can’t hold it back anymore. He’s so in love. He’s so happy. He’s so...everything all at once. His heart, his mind, his body are all so full of light and joy and awe.

**12/26**

_Yesterday you asked me to marry you, and I knew then that I wanted to start this journal for you. So while we were out running that last-minute errand for St. Lucia, I slipped away and bought this journal for you. My plan is to write to you at least one little line or note every day until we are married. I hope I’ve told you a million times by the time you read this how much I love you and how grateful I am for you in my life. I keep looking down at my engagement ring, and yours, the diamonds you found to match our eyes, and my heart can barely fathom how lucky we were that day on 5th Ave._

**12/27**

_I don’t like keeping secrets from you. Remember when I just about had a heart attack when you went to help me unpack my suitcase tonight when we arrived in our bungalow? Now you know why (I didn’t want you to find this). You’re down at the front desk, sorting something out. Thank you for that, whatever it was. I’m betting it's a surprise for me because that is just who you are. Love you, bee._

“Flip to the last page that has writing on it, honey,” Kurt says softly. Blaine thumbs through three month’s worth of entries until he finds the last one. He can barely read it through his tears. 

**03/27**

_We were married today. I love you, husband. I meant everything I promised to you today. I will be the guardian of your heart. I will fall in love with you more every day. I choose you now and forever. I loved our impromptu concert. I loved singing “Goldmine” with you. I loved seeing your eyes sparkle every time I caught you looking at me. I loved how you held me when we danced to “Come What May.” I loved hearing everyone gasp when they realized we were singing it. I love my vintage Tiffany bee brooch. I love that you still surprise me. I love us. Here is to our future, may it be full of love, and may we remember that each moment is building our eternity and treasure each one as it happens. All my love, Kurt._

Blaine is sobbing as he leans over Kurt to set the journal and box on the coffee table. He then has his arms full of his favorite person in the whole world as Kurt shuffles up and into his lap, straddling him like they have done so many times before. They both cry and let everything out that has been building up for hours, days—months even. Blaine keeps whispering thank yous, and I love yous, and you’re amazing into Kurt’s neck while he holds him as tight as he possibly can. 

When they seem to have cried themselves out, Kurt sits back, pulls his shirt over his head, wipes his face and tears, and does the same for Blaine. Kurt vaguely wonders how many pajama shirts he’s done this with over their six months together. He tosses his now damp t-shirt on to the coffee table and leans in to kiss his husband, gently caressing his face with his ring hand, making sure to press the ring against Blaine’s skin. 

Their lips do a familiar dance of give and take. It's sweet and soft. There's a warm orange glow dancing behind their closed eyelids from the fire still burning in the fireplace. Blaine rubs his hand down Kurt's back, and his ring slides directly over his spine, sending a shockwave of shivers through Kurt’s body as it rubs across each bone. He moans into Blaine’s mouth, deepening the kiss as tiny, tingling bumps break out over his arms and thighs. 

Suddenly the room is filled with a heat that has nothing to do with the fireplace and everything to do with their love, connection, and desire. Blaine turns and tips Kurt back onto the couch, lying across his body, tangling their legs up, both of them seeking friction and pressure. Kurt pulls Blaine’s shirt off and digs his fingers hard up and down and across Blane’s back, leaving red marks behind. Blaine pulls away from this kiss as he thrusts down into Kurt’s hips and then latches onto a fresh patch of skin to suck a new mark into Kurt’s porcelain skin. He will never tire of the mural that he touches up every day. Kurt’s skin will always be a beckoning canvas for him.

Kurt moves his hands into Blaine’s hair, massaging his scalp, pulling at his curls before he finally begs Blaine to take him to their bed. By the time they get there, all their remaining clothes have found residence on the floor somewhere, and they fall into the sheets naked, wrapped up in each other as they kiss, exploring the depth to which they can memorize each other’s tongues.

What seems like at least an hour later, Kurt finally cries out, “Bee, please, please. I need you,” his skin is covered in bright red marks, quickly turning purple, as is Blaine’s. 

More minutes of sensuous kissing, lube passed between them, and worshiping each other’s bodies finds them _both_ prepared and begging for the other. Blaine sits up against the headboard and pulls Kurt into his lap, holding his erection firmly so that Kurt can easily line up and slide down on him slowly. The relief of finally being this connected has them both desperately moaning. Kurt lifts up and presses back down as Blaine holds him around the waist, biting and sucking at his chest, everywhere he can reach. The rhythm that Kurt has set for them is making their hearts race. Blaine can’t hold back any longer and is breathlessly whispering Kurt’s name over and over again as he comes warm inside of him. It seemingly lasts longer than it ever has.

“Oh damn, baby, let’s—” he pushes Kurt backward out of his lap so that he’s lying on his back, head towards the foot of the bed. Blaine crawls up over the top of him, kissing him along the way until he reaches his mouth, kissing him ravenously. Kurt grabs Blaine’s hips and back, bracing him as he rolls them over, his need permeating his hot skin. He lines up his throbbing cock and presses hard, sliding inside Blaine’s warmth in one thrust. “Yes, baby! Take me, take what you need! Love you, want you,” Blaine moans out as he wraps his legs around Kurt’s waist, allowing him to get even closer. 

Kurt takes him at his word. He’s relentless. When he hits that spot that makes Blaine scream out over and over again in sensitivity after already coming, Kurt gets what he wants. Blaine is still hard. He wants him again after this. He reaches down and holds Blaine firmly, giving him added pressure. And because it just feels so good to have him so hard and huge in his hand, it still feels like the first time he touched him, every time.

His orgasm hits him out of nowhere. He knows it’s been right under his skin an electric current of need for hours, but he didn’t have any warning as he releases, slamming his hips hard several times into his husband. “Oh my hell, Blaine! Blaine, Beeeee!” His vision goes white, his whole body pulses with pleasure from the roots of his hair down to his toes, and the way Blaine flexes responsively around him and wraps his legs tighter around him, digging his fingers into Kurt’s thighs has him positively beside himself in rapture.

He collapses on Blaine, kissing his neck, shoulders, and collarbone, whispering, “I love you so much,” at least a few dozen times. But they both know this isn’t over for Kurt. It never is when he's like this, his arousal still hot like lava in his veins. He's still so hard and wanting.

Blaine takes a minute to catch his breath, but it’s significantly less often than Kurt, that he stays this hard right after he’s already come and he wants to make this a night Kurt will never forget. 

“Hands and knees for me—if you want to, love?” he whispers to Kurt.

Kurt lets out an obscene moan, “Oh, dear god, please, yes.” He gets into position as Blaine crawls up behind him and gets on his knees, leaning his chest over Kurt’s back, pressing into him quickly. He firmly digs his fingers into Kurt’s hips and starts thrusting into him, pushing forward as hard as he dares as he pulls Kurt’s hips back towards him to meet each one. He wants bruises in the shape of his fingers there in the morning, they don’t do this often, but he knows Kurt loves it just as much as he does.

Their bodies are slick with sweat as Blaine gives all he can to the love of his life. “Touch yourself, Kurt. I want to hear you and feel you make yourself come, baby.” Kurt immediately falls to his elbow to support himself, braces his hand against the footboard, and the other hand slides down to his hard cock as he starts to rub himself out. Blaine can barely handle the delicious noises that Kurt is making. If he wasn’t sure before— he is now. He needs to come again, too. “I love to hear you, Kurt. You’re so freaking hot, baby!” He thrusts harder and faster-paced, “I’m going to come again. Ohhhh, I’m so close.” 

That thought sends Kurt’s body into another frenzy of raging desire, and this time he can feel the climax building. It starts in his lower back and sends shooting sparks in every direction as Blaine presses in at the perfect angle. “Blaine! I’m, I’m, Oh—G-oh-!” He can’t even make another noise as he spills over his hand. 

Hearing Kurt’s strangled moan and feeling his body shaking underneath him has Blaine doing the same. He calls out Kurt’s name, and then sweet words of adoration tumble out of his mouth as his whole body goes still after one final thrust—letting the sensations have full reign of his being.

After a few moments to come back to reality, Blaine pulls out and reaches for Kurt. Rolling them off to one side of the bed where the sheet they put down is still dry. They hold each other tenderly. Gentle caresses, brushes of their fingertips, and soft pressing lips feel like a healing balm to all the passionate but beautiful wounds they’ve left on each other. 

“Blaine Blaine?”

“Yes, angel?” He thinks about how this is his favorite style of conversation, the kind they seem to love after sex.

“We’re amazing at that,” Kurt says with a smile and a hint of awe in his voice. 

A small laugh escapes Blaine’s lips as he kisses Kurt’s shoulder. “Yes, I’d say that might be the understatement of the millennia.”

“Blaine?”

“Yes, baby?” 

“We’re a mess.”

“We are, and I love it.”

“Blaine?”

“Yes, Sunshine?” He rubs his ring finger up and down Kurt’s arm a few times.

“I’m starving.”

“Me too, let’s take a shower then eat dinner— at whatever hour this is.”

“Blaine?”

“Yes, love?” 

“I don’t know how—maybe wedding night euphoria? But, I’m still hard, and I want you again, bee.” He rubs against Blaine’s leg to further prove his point.

“ _Mmmmm_. I guess it’s a good thing I have an insatiable desire to go down on my _husband_ in the shower then.” He rolls over, half on top of Kurt, stroking him for a few minutes, kissing him soundly on the mouth, before they somehow find the energy to stumble into the shower. 

\------------------------------------

It might be after 3:00 AM, but Kurt and Blaine find themselves curled up on the couch eating dinner. Blaine’s favorite vintage jazz playlist is on in the background.

“What were some favorite moments of today that I don’t know about? Something that happened to you when I wasn’t there?” Blaine asks before taking a bite of his sandwich.

“Oh wow, that is a great question, honey. Well, I know I texted you earlier and whispered thank you in your ear while we were dancing, but Blaine, walking into my dressing room and seeing a Tiffany & CO box sitting on the counter? My heart fell to my knees and I forgot how to breathe. The fact that it was something old and something blue combined into one? When I lifted the lid and opened that pouch and saw it was a vintage bee brooch? Blaine, I was a mess. I kept looking at every tiny detail, rubbing my fingers over the gold beaded circles, tracing the etched wings. I don’t know—it was just this surreal moment when I felt so much more in love with you because you see me. You know who I am. You accept me and what I love even if it's perhaps a little unconventional. And the thoughtfulness of it all? I love you so much. Thank you again, bee.” 

“You’re very welcome, Sunshine. It was difficult to keep that a secret from you because I wanted to show you. I’m glad you liked it.”

“I loved it, honey, so much.”

“What else? Anything?”

“Well, during the luncheon you were talking to Mercedes and Rachel and I looked over and saw you laughing with them. It made me so happy that you were getting along with my friends. Just one of the million times my heart got caught in my chest today. But then Nick and Jeff came over and started talking to me. I know I told you this the first time we met them at dinner last month when they were in New York, but I like them. I want to do more with them—I'm happy they are moving closer to us later this year. And you know, they may have told me some embarrassing stories about you at Dalton, and you better believe I got the account straight from their mouths about that infamous Gap attack.” 

Kurt starts laughing when Blaine groans and yells, “Traitors!”

“I’m sure there’s more, but what about you, bee?”

“I think the biggest one is a moment I had with my mom when she was with me before the ceremony started. She apologized again for the way things had been for so long and reminded me how hard my dad is trying, and it felt like a fresh start. I was able to somehow let it all go and asked her if we could just move forward from here as a family. It was such a peaceful feeling. And then she told me that she thinks you’re amazing and more than she ever dreamed of for me.”

“She did not!” Kurt says, gasping. He loves Pam, and they get along splendidly, but he can’t believe she’d go that far.

“She truly did. Kurt, I even hugged her for it. I haven’t hugged my mom like that in a long time.”

Kurt wipes a tear away from the corner of his eye, “Oh, Blaine. I’m so glad you had that experience. Thank you for sharing that with me.” 

Blaine nods, putting his empty plate on the coffee table. “This one really shouldn’t count because you were there. But when you sang to me tonight and said I could join in, and then we sang together for over an hour, unplanned and unrehearsed, did it just to have fun, that was magical for me. I’m so glad that happened, and thank you for finding such a perfect song to sing.”

“It was delightful, and it can count, and I couldn’t believe that Colbie of all people—because she means something to us—had a song about bees and sunshine that we hadn’t sung to each other before.”

“It was perfect, Kurt, really it was. Listen, I know it’s so late, but can we share our vows again with each other slowly? I can’t go to sleep until I’ve heard them again.”

“Yes, let’s do, and I was thinking that maybe it would be nice to record a video of us talking about the wedding for a few minutes with each other? I’d love to watch that every year on our anniversary, our raw thoughts and feelings about it all captured before we slept on it?”

“Oh, good idea, let's do the vows first.” 

Kurt nods, setting his now empty plate on the table, moving closer to Blaine on the couch, tucking his legs up underneath him, resting the edges of his knees on Blaine's thigh. He takes Blaine's ring finger hand and pulls it into his lap, rubbing over the ring as he recites his memorized vows slowly. Pausing after each sentence as he watches his gorgeous husband be washed over with emotion as he listens, processes, and absorbs each word, each promise made. 

“Thank you, beautiful. You are the best thing that has ever happened to me.” He leans in, his hand sliding behind Kurt’s head to brace him, and kisses him until their hearts are pounding.

Finally pulling away, he takes Kurt’s hands, holding them in his lap, and takes his turn reciting the vows he wrote for Kurt, just as slowly and carefully, wanting Kurt to know how much he meant every word. 

Then they tap their rings so they can feel each other’s heartbeats and recite the promise they made when they slipped them on each other.

“With this ring, you will carry my heart and my promises wherever you go. I am yours. I love you with all that I am, Blaine Anderson.”

“With this ring, you will carry my heart and my promises wherever you go. I am yours. I love you with all my heart, Kurt Hummel.” 

By the time they're done, they are both wiping at their faces with the tissues Kurt thought to bring in the living room with them. Once they get themselves back together, they set up to record a video journal. They set the iPad up on the coffee table, sitting on the floor with their backs up against the couch, making sure they are both in-camera. Blaine hits record, and they start talking about their wedding day. They laugh, they cry, wink at the camera as they skip a few hours of the night, and then they each say their vows once again on camera before kissing and hitting “end record.”

\----~---------------------~---

As the night gives way to the first hints of dawn through the windows, a curly-haired man holds his husband in his arms, running fingers softly over the relatively new scar on Kurt's neck. It will always be a reminder to him to never take each new day they are given for granted.

He wonders out loud, “Remember our library date? Do you think that the person writing our love story is countless words into it by now and knows we’re getting our happily ever after?”

“I am sure they do. After all, it’s the greatest love story ever told. You said so, remember? There has to be a happily ever after before it can say ‘The End,’ otherwise, it’s not the end. And I know we’re going to make it. I think, Mr. Anderson-Hummel, that this is just the beginning.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Warnings for this Chapter:** Consensual unprotected sex  
>   
>  **Authors Notes:** For those of you who like the little details, this Chapter covers **March 27th**   
> Only the Epilogue to go which I may post early so stay tuned!  
>  *~*~* **Make sure you[subscribe to the series](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1992307) to get updates on all the one-shots being added***~*~*~
> 
> You can see the wedding venue that inspired this [[here](https://www.blackberryfarm.com/)].
> 
> \------
> 
> You can find artwork (and aesthetics aka "mood boards") and other related posts to this chapter on my Tumblr page [GleefulPoppet](https://gleefulpoppet.tumblr.com/), I'll be adding things over the next month. And I try to add the artwork to the chapter each night as well. 
> 
> [Click Here to See Larger on Tumblr  
>    
>  ](https://gleefulpoppet.tumblr.com/post/633820890516291584/chapter-30-come-what-may-i-will-love-you-posted)


	31. [Epilogue] Fearlessly Forever, Until the End of Time

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter Word Count: 700+ Words

**Exactly 60 years later  
** (minus a few hours)

The house is loud and full of chaos. Kids play on the piano, kids running up and down the hall, adults talking, teens playing the latest video games, and the kitchen is hustling and bustling with people making dinner—the sounds of a newborn baby crying in her mother’s arms in the next room.

On the love seat sits Great-Great-Granddaddy Blaine in a bow tie and Great-Great-Grandpapa Kurt (the “great-great” part is a brand new title they had recently earned with the newest addition to the family, a great-great-granddaughter). 

They’re holding hands like they always do. And wearing coordinating colors like they always do, too. Although they laugh any time someone asks about it and say it was an accident, no one really believes it, and they don’t expect you to—it’s a long-standing joke between just the two of them. 

They had just spent the whole afternoon celebrating their sixtieth wedding anniversary with their entire family, which was now more extensive than the fifty people they shared their wedding with. It was a beautifully catered luncheon. Their kids took turns reading from their journals and shared memories from letters that people had written long ago on other milestone anniversaries. A remastered copy of their wedding video was made as a surprise for them, and one of the kids had scanned in their wedding album and had hardbound copies made for all the grandkids. They had made some additions to it, including a copy of their vows, the story about 5th Avenue, and the origin story of Sunday Wafflesations, a tradition that is now three generations deep. They did it with their children, their children did it with their own families, and now their children’s children had started it with theirs. Laughter was had, tears were shed, memories passed on. It was a beautiful celebration.

Kurt leans over to his husband, pushing a silvery gray curl back before resting his wrinkled forehead against his, “I love you with all that I am, Honey Bee.”

Blaine squeezes Kurt’s hand softly. His reply is always as it ever has been, “I love you with all my heart, Sunshine.” He listens to their home filled with so much love, “I think we got our happily ever, don’t you?”

“We did, Blaine Blaine.” He leans over to kiss his soulmate and best friend of more than sixty years. It’s short and sweet but full of affection and adoration. They chuckle into each other’s lips when a little voice coming from one of their grandchildren sitting on the arm of the sofa next to them interrupts them. 

“ _Ewwwww_ , grandpas stop! You’re _always_ doing that! Kisses have cooties!”

\----~---------------------~---

Their curly-haired son is standing in the front room with his wife and twelve-year-old grandson Henry. They are studying “The Glass Wall” as it has become known. It’s eight feet tall and more than thirty feet long as it stretches partially down the hall. It’s covered with hundreds of frames in various sizes, shapes, and colors, each one holding a special memory or accomplishment. They are filled with tickets, photos, playbills, handwritten sheet music, first pages of first drafts of award-winning plays, Grammy and Tony Award certificates, newspaper and magazine articles, and even the prenuptial napkin that Grandpapa Kurt gave to Granddaddy Blaine on their first date. 

The latest addition to the wall is a _New York Times_ article “Still Going Strong, Why They Never Retired.” It’s a story about their history of working together for over sixty years, becoming one of the most successful production studios of all time. It outlined their lives from when Kurt started working at Courage Production Studio through the here and now and the work they are still doing on their ranch for the teens of New York state. 

He pulls his wife and grandson closer for a hug and reminisces silently about the legacy of his dads.

 _Here,_ **pressed against the glass** , _is the evidence of the most extraordinary love story ever_ **lived** _and the incredible life they shared. The foundation they built for themselves and our family will be passed on in the hearts of all those they loved for generations to come. We’re the luckiest people alive to be part of it; I hope we never forget that._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *~*~* **Make sure you[subscribe to the series](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1992307) to get updates on all the one-shots being added***~*~*~  
>   
>  **Authors Notes:** This has been such a journey. Thank you for being here for my first multi-chapter story. I feel like no matter where the journey takes me/us from here, this story will always be "my baby." I love the boys in this story. I loved writing it. I love that their love inspired me to try and do better in my own relationships. And I want you to know that I appreciate every single one of you that have read this story. It means the world to me. I'm so grateful you liked it enough to make it through to the end. ♥♥Gleeful Poppet
> 
> PS! I guess this means I have 60 years of one-shots and stories to add! :) [Subscribe](https://archiveofourown.org/series/1992307) to the series to read them all. 
> 
> \------
> 
> You can find artwork (and aesthetics aka "mood boards") and other related posts to this chapter on my Tumblr page [GleefulPoppet](https://gleefulpoppet.tumblr.com/), I'll be adding things over the next month. And I try to add the artwork to the chapter each night as well. 


End file.
